As a mental health/psychology enthusiast, I like to share jargon-free lessons from experience, research, observation, and lots of reading.
The Importance of Emotional Maturity
An emotionally mature partner is the best type of partner to have. If both of you are emotionally mature, the relationship will last. These qualities deepen the love and connection between you and your partner.
Emotional maturity has little to do with the age of a husband or wife and more to do with their levels of emotional intelligence as individuals. Mature people find it hard to be with those who are immature. If you have ever been with an emotionally immature person, you can attest to this.
After experiencing emotional abuse, being and having an emotionally mature partner became non-negotiable for me.
I committed to my current partner after establishing that our levels of emotional maturity were compatible. It makes our relationship fulfilling. Together, we are helping each other to grow. There is no emotional abuse, neglect, or poor communication. Rather, we are two adults who have committed to making a relationship a priority by noticing, meeting, and respecting each other's emotional needs.
If your partner depicts the qualities below, cherish the relationship and strive to reciprocate by maintaining your emotional maturity too. It’s refreshing and fulfilling to love a partner like this. Here are the important qualities I will touch on throughout this article:
The emotionally mature partner knows who she or he is, needs, and wants. You have a role in their life, and they know it well. They, therefore, treat you with kindness the way they want you to treat them. Remember, they are aware of what they want from the relationship. Therefore, they won’t mess with your feelings and give you mixed signals. Since they understand their emotions, they can perceive and understand your feelings. They will be straightforward with you and have confidence in your relationship because they value it.
Whether your needs are emotional or physical, your partner recognizes them and respects them. You don’t have to communicate what you need repetitively. You might say it once, and your partner remembers. They make time to be with you despite having a busy schedule and other things to do. They understand when you have other things to do and don’t force you to stop pursuing your interests when they differ from theirs. You never feel worthless because their commitment to you is clear. You do not doubt your value in the relationship.
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They do not rule over you; you are partners, not competitors. They don’t use the relationship as a forum for play and ego-boosting. Despite your differences, they respect your opinion on matters. How they treat you don’t make you feel like a slave and have you longing for freedom from that relationship. You don’t feel like the relationship has compromised your lawful rights and freedoms as a human being. You feel safe and you trust him with your life because he shows you respect in public and in private. They don’t have anger outbursts with you. They don’t insult, put you down, criticize you in public, or become violent with you when they are angry.
Couples have difficulties and disagreements sometimes. Both of you might have qualities, behaviors, or attitudes which bother the other. So, forgiveness is key to the survival of your relationship. An emotionally mature partner will forgive you even before you ask for forgiveness. Or they will tell you when you have hurt them instead of harboring resentment or directing abusive language or behavior toward you.
“Without forgiveness life is governed by… an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”
— Roberto Assagioli
An emotionally mature partner asks for forgiveness even for the minor mistakes that you would otherwise have ignored. Because they are self-aware, they will know when they have done something that displeases you and apologize for it. But also, they won’t apologize unnecessarily. They won’t apologize just because you are giving a different opinion.
Partners who are emotionally mature change for the better for your sake without having to ask them. The emotionally mature partner molds into a lifestyle that suits both of you. They don’t make decisions that affect the family without informing you. When the relationship needs a shift of perspective, for example when children come, they are adaptable. They listen to your view and give you time to express yourself, even though you might have different opinions.
The emotionally mature person has good communication and listening skills. They appreciate you through words and actions. When you are going through tough times, they will be there to support and comfort you. They will not mock your tears or say condescending words when you are having a hard time. They are not afraid to cry with you. Unlike the emotionally immature partner who cowers during times of trouble but wants to be part of your life when things are great, the emotionally mature person will be supportive when things are tough. They not only empathize with you but also with other people.
Emotional maturity comes with trustworthiness and reliability. They will get important things done. They will always come through for you and other people in their circle. You know you can always rely on them to keep their promises. They don’t cling to you or isolate you from social connections like your friends or family member. They don’t monitor you like the FBI monitor the most wanted because he trusts you and you trust him. Loyalty comes easy to him as he never cheats for fun. If you cheat, they will not cheat for revenge. They’d rather divorce you or might even surprise you by forgiving and staying.
Since emotionally mature partners are aware of themselves, they’ll know and express it when they you abuse them emotionally. They’ll try to give you a chance to acknowledge and respect their feelings the way they do yours instead of suppressing them and keeping you in ignorance. They might bear emotional abuse for a while, but with time they tire of it and choose what is in their best interests since you don’t respect their best interests.
They are good at problem-solving. When you are having some issues, they don’t play the blame game or try to minimize your presence. They let you speak without interruption when it’s your turn to speak. The emotionally mature partner likes to maintain peace in the relationship. They will not provoke you or jeopardize the peace in your relationship for selfish reasons.
A Healthy Relationship Depends on Good Communication
Although the general marker of emotional maturity is adulthood, some adults behave like teenagers. Before committing to your partner, ensure both of you have attained some level of emotional maturity. When only one partner is emotionally mature the mature one suffers the burden of having to handle the frustrations of emotional immaturity.
Do you have other characteristics of the emotionally mature person to add to this list? Or do you dispute? I look forward to reading your feedback.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Centfie