Kitty is a registered nurse. She uses what she has learned on the job to inspire and encourage others to take control of their health.
Seemingly Stale Routine?
If you are one of the millions in America or billions in the world who is married, maybe it is time to spice up your marriage a bit? Sometimes, as married folk, we tend to get stuck in ruts and routines that can drag down the excitement of what married life could be. Life is busy, especially if you have children, and we forget about the fun and newness of newly dating and even being newlyweds. Our married lives tend to begin feeling stale or boring (yes, I said it...don't judge me...you know it's true!), but I believe it is because we forget about that spark that we once had with our spouses. All we need to do is re-kindle the fire, right? Well, I have thought long and hard and I have come up with some different and positively daring ways to bring that spark back to our marriages...and shake up the "norm" of everyday life with our partners.
1. Spontaneous Dates
Every marriage counselor and article online will preach this fact: you must go on dates, without the children! I am seconding this statement, but I say put a spin on what you normally do during your dates (however few and far between they may be). Drop the kids off at Auntie's or Granny's house, or if you don't have a lot of family around ask a friend to watch them for the evening. Dress up in something ultra sexy, not just that old black blouse and black slacks that you would wear to work on any given day. Then hit the road with your partner...and figure out what you are doing as you drive along! Gasp! I know...not have the whole date planned? That is sheer blasphemy! No, it's actually not and you will find that maybe there is something new and exciting to do on your date in comparison to the usual dinner and a movie theme.
If you must plan your date, plan on doing something that you and your spouse have never done before. Maybe go to a concert to find your youth again? Laser-tag? How about body-painting? I have never done the body-painting thing, but I am sure there are places to do it...or just figure it out for yourselves at home, in the backyard (obviously make sure it's in a spot where the neighbors don't see!). Instead of going to a movie theater, try a drive-in theater and then make out the entire time! Mix it up and don't be afraid to take risks...don't be afraid to do something youthful in order to bring back that spark that you and your spouse first felt as young'uns.
2. Switch Roles
If you are feeling really adventurous, I suggest trying a role switching scenario. What do I mean by role switching? I don't necessarily mean to act like your partner, I mean act like someone else. Pick a place to drive to separately, and "meet" each other for the first time! Act like you are total strangers...I guarantee it will be hott. I know that it can be hard for many people to act this out and stay in character, but I promise that if you are able to pull it off, without acting as if you know your spouse, it will ignite the passion within you both.
If this sort of stranger role-playing isn't your thing, try something else. At home one night, put on a random costume and play the part for your partner. If you think your husband is turned on by a certain uniform, try it out. Play the part...even with the things you say to him. Guys, if you know your wife has a secret turn-on for a man in a firefighter uniform, try it out! You might be surprised how fiery the night will be!
3. Texting (with an S)
So you've heard of this new word texting, but with an "s" instead of a "t" at the beginning? Well, it's not just for the young bachelors and bachelorettes, folks. Yes, you are married and you have been with this person for a long while now, but what's to say that you can't send your partner a naughty message during the workday? You don't even have to say it live over the phone...you can type it! How easy is that? It may seem weird, especially if you've never tried it with your partner before, but I guarantee it will get your partner's thoughts racing and the desire to be with you will grow immensely strong throughout your partner's day.
Warning: always make sure you're sending those naughty texts to the right number...you don't want an embarrassing moment to creep up in the middle of your workday!
Sharing is caring. Well, how about sharing with your partner? I don't necessarily mean sharing your food out at dinner (though that is a good idea from time to time, too), but what I do mean is share your thoughts with him/her. Share your fantasies, more specifically. Maybe it's a fantasy that you've had for years, but have never really shared with anyone before? Well, as long as it's not scary or degrading...share it with your partner! Guys, just a warning though - the whole three person thing...most women aren't into that...so pick a different fantasy, dudes!
After you've opened up to your partner and let them in on your dirty little secrets, try it out! Set the scene, including the right atmosphere and costumes (if any at all, wink wink). If you need to get away from the house in order to play it all out, do it! Get the kids a sitter and get outta there! This could tie back into the whole role switching idea, depending on what your fantasies entail. Remember to make it fun and new and never to pick at your partner for sharing these secrets with you...no matter how different or off-the-wall they may be.
I'm not talking about surprise parties here. I'm talking about surprise moves. So you haven't initiated a love scene with your partner in how long? How often does he make the moves on you? Why not trying to switch it up and put the moves on him one night? Or maybe put the moves on him during the kids' nap time? The point here is that it seems that many husbands or one particular partner in a marriage/relationship can sometimes do all of the initiating...well, surprise them and initiate it yourself for once! I'm sure it gets totally monotonous for your partner to always start things up, so it might be a wonderful surprise to put the moves on him while he's lying next to you on the couch...or maybe in the morning before the kids wake up, while he's standing in the kitchen? Try out surprising him, and you may end up surprised as to how well it goes over with your partner.
6. Change of Scenery
If you are really ready to take some risks and shake up your marital life, more specifically your intimate life, try different things in various places. What I mean by this is not to do something stupid in the middle of a mall, I mean try being intimate in different places around your home (obviously the kids have long been in bed at this point). Ever tried the kitchen? Back porch (no pun intended)? Coffee table? In order to spice up your intimate life and create some excitement, sometimes switching environments can do the trick. Well, not just sometimes. I would say nine times out of ten, it will put an edge back into your romantic times that wasn't there before...trust me.
7. Random & New Compliments
Do you tell your husband or wife that you love them everyday? Well, good. What about complimenting your spouse at times when they aren't expecting it? Or most importantly, when they really need it? Don't just make it a normal compliment either, like "you look nice"...try to make it something that really makes them feel special about themselves. Whether husband or wife, everyone likes to hear that they are special and in what way from time to time. For instance, compliment your husband's arms...tell him that they make you feel safe. Or remind him how sexy he is, when he's feeling down. Guys - tell your wife how truly beautiful she is and how turned on you get when you think about her!
Showing your love and desire is definitely necessary for a successful intimate marriage; however, saying how you feel is important, too. Let's not forget that we use words for one reason...to express what we are thinking and feeling. And if you use the right words, you may just ignite your spouse's passion for you again!
8. Refresh Your Ideas of Marriage
What do you think being married is all about? Do you think it's a pain and an obligation? Are you annoyed at the idea of sex or romance? Maybe you need to remind yourself why you tied the knot in the first place. Marriage is defined as the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. Well, I sort of disagree with this definition. Though it is the logical definition, it doesn't quite define the emotional and physical bonds that a husband and wife (or wife and wife, husband and husband, etc.) may share (and should share) in wedlock. Marriage is more than a social institution, it is love and friendship and a decision to live with another in happiness and support. There are going to be times when happiness seems far away, but the point is to strive towards happiness.
Here's the thing, if one partner doesn't feel happy...the marriage will fail if steps are not taken to reclaim that happiness. And remember that physical intimacy is a BIG part of remaining happy in a marriage, at least for 90% of the population today. Refresh your ideas of what marriage is and what it should be...think positively about yourself and about what your marriage could become with a little bit of extra effort and patience. Put your all into it.
9. Naughty Gifts
As cliché and silly as it might sound, how about surprising your spouse/partner with some sort of naughty present? It could be anything that sparks your spouse's bedroom imagination...there's no real need for me to go into thorough detail here, you can use your imagination on this one! There are many shops and stores to buy things from, more discreetly online. Hide the present under his or her pillow and see their reaction! This not only stimulates your creative thinking, it also throws a blatant message to your partner that you are ready to try something new and basically get it on!
As covered in the "Texting with an S", teasing is imperative in the area of spicing up your marriage, but teasing can be done in many ways, not just with Texting. If you are out to dinner, whisper something naughty into your partner's ear after getting up from your seat. Ladies, tell your partner what you are wearing underneath of your sexy dress. Men, tell your partner what you picture doing to them later on...a little dessert after dinner maybe?
Wear something sexy for your man...tease him with flirtatious looks...if you don't remember what flirting is, buy a book! Be creative and love one another...never give up on igniting passion in your marriage, no matter how long you have been married! Don't let the desire die.
Written and copyrighted © by Kitty the Dreamer (May Canfield), June 20th, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: What if my wife is unwilling to do anything to spice up our marriage?
Answer: You should have a serious talk with her about your needs and her needs. You have to want to do things for each other and fulfill each others' needs.
Kitty Fields (author) from Summerland on March 16, 2016:
Deborah - Agreed! Great to hear. :)
Deborah Reno from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on March 15, 2016:
These are great suggestions, and I can say from experience that they work! My husband and I are very happily married, and have fun together, in a variety of ways and places.
CarNoobz from USA on February 04, 2013:
Great hub. I gotta try these to spark some romance at home again. Voted up!
denisevirostek from Richmond, VA on July 18, 2012:
True stuff! Love it!
bingskee from Quezon City, Philippines on June 04, 2012:
wow... a truly, truly honest list, i have to say. i love best texting with an s ha ha i believe that together with naughty gifts and being a tease, the spice will be there.
CJ Sledgehammer on June 02, 2012:
Contraire, fair maiden. :0)
I believe if one is emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and spiritually "into" their marital partner - physical attraction and excitement will not be a problem.
What I see are couples who are bored with each other and take each other for granted. I see many couples who are only partially "into" their spouse or who only made a partial commitment.
I honestly cannot see a way that one could not be physically charged when in the presence of one they have bonded with on so many levels.
But, just like so many things in our society today - when there is a problem on the inside...it's the outside that gets the attention.
I maintain that the brain is the main sex organ and one's brain is hot-wired to the spiritual center of one's core. The body is just window dressing and is superficial at best. Why play into superficiality?
Best wishes, behave, and be well - C.J. Sledgehammer
Kitty Fields (author) from Summerland on June 02, 2012:
CJ Sledgehammer - Understood. And you're right, a lot of time is spent on the physical...but really I wrote this hub for those who are already close emotionally & spiritually but needed a boost in the physical aspects. Thanks!
CJ Sledgehammer on June 01, 2012:
I wonder why no one ever experiments with spiritual and emotional intimacy? Why do we always go with the physical?
In the end, physical intimacy can get boring...how many different ways can one climax anyway? How many sex positions must one try or role playing games must one endure?
No. I think that if one delves deeper into the spiritual and emotional aspect of their marriage - they will find that their spouse will always be attractive, alluring, and exciting to them. :0)
Peace out - C.J. Sledgehammer
P.S. You are a talented writer, Kitty, but I just wanted to take an alternate route to ecstasy...one which originates and culminates in the heart and soul.
hectordang from New York on March 16, 2012:
I would be care with the texting thing. If you lose your phone or someone accidentally reads it, it could be embarrassing.
susan54 on October 15, 2011:
I spiced my marriage up accidentally. Four years ago on my 50th birthday. I wanted a big change with my look. I went to the nail salon got my nails done went and got a brazilian bikini wax and eyebrows. As I was leaving to go to my car there was a barbershop. My hair had to go!! I went inside the barbershop and the women in there said can I help you I said yes I want to buzz my hair off, so what kind of hair style do you want and I said I do not know I know I want it short but with some hair on top and she said what about a Flattop, I said can I see a picture. She showed me a picture and I said that's what I want so for 4 years now I have had a flattop haircut and when I got home my husband could not keep his hands off me, my sex life, the best sex me and my husband have ever had I am so glad I cut my hair off I have the best marriage better then ever. I love my husband and he loves me. Flattop hair forever!!!
ajayshah2005 from Mid Asia on October 13, 2011:
Nice hub!superbly presented.Yeah i have tried some.. others to try.
naturalsolutions on September 21, 2011:
I already heard that texting with s, it is so funny but i'm pretty sure effective one but like what you said, make sure that you send it to the right number.LOL I see some of that accident on smartphowned it is really embarrassing.
Kitty Fields (author) from Summerland on September 03, 2011:
break up books - Thanks, glad you enjoyed it so much.
anusha15 - You're right! These would make for some stories, though most likely erotic stories. :)
Anusha Jain from Delhi, India on September 03, 2011:
A great hub - awesome ideas and well presented too.
I liked the switching the roles one a lot. I remember watching a movie which started with the same concept :) Some of your ideas are in fact nice plots for stories!
Kitty Fields (author) from Summerland on June 28, 2011:
jeevansathi - Very very true!
Kitty Fields (author) from Summerland on April 16, 2011:
luisegonzalez - thanks for stopping by!
msquestion - i totally agree, i need to employ these in my marriage too! :)
MsQuestion from New Jersey on April 16, 2011:
Everyone should employ at least a few of these tips....you have to keep your marriage spicy!
Luis E Gonzalez from Miami, Florida on April 11, 2011:
Great advice, some I have tried others, not yet.. I guess first I need to find a girlfriend..lol
Thanks for a refreshing hub