What is the best method for telling my ex that I am implementing the no contact rule? I know we both still deeply love each other but both are feeling too much pain. I am afraid of telling her that I'm implementing the NC rule will only amplify the pain. How can I go about telling her without hurting her more? We were together for 9 years and the wound is really fresh (less than 2 weeks).


The fact she won't hear from you will further deepen the pain and might aggravate the situation. However, she will need to know the NC isn't meant to distance yourself from her so that you can move on with your life.

You'll have to let her known both of you can't heal and recover from the breakup when you keep contacting each other. Thus it will affect your other aspects of life and it might induce depression and dependence on drugs to minimize the pain you feel. Not contacting each other doesn't mean each on his/her own path.

The NC is meant to allow the healing process to begin, to reflect on one's life and the relationship including the reason(s) for the breakup and to offer a person a perspective in life. Also, it allows a person to get hold of their life - to be in control.

Since you still love each other which signifies you might want to reunite, let her know the NC will provide an insight about the relationship and individually thus when you reunite you'll will have healed and recovered from the breakup thus saving yourselves from another possible breakup.

Note: No matter how one approaches your question, your ex will still feel every pinch of pain. The most important thing is to let her know you love her and would like to get back in the relationship but both of you need time and space apart (if you intended to get back together).

If you don't intend to get back, she will get hurt but she has to know the facts. Both of you need to move on with your lives.

Whether you intend to get back or not, avoid any confrontation and you'll have to comfort her but be firm. In the first few days after commencing NC, you'll have to watch out for her to ensure she doesn't do something that will affect her negatively.

Updated on February 3, 2020

Original Article:

What Are the Rules and Benefits of the No Contact Rule After a Breakup
By Benny Alianess

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