I'd say, if that's the only issue after twenty years, it is not likely to change. Better than you find a positive way to reframe it. Send the children along with their dad, so they can get to know their aunts and uncles. And spend the day doing something that you enjoy, that your husband wouldn't appreciate. Don't waste your time cleaning and taking care of the house. You can do that every other day. Use that time to honor and appreciate yourself, without him or the kids around. Do what you like, and let go of feeling angry or guilty.