It's important you find the reason why you love someone that doesn't exist. So you lose your mother at a young age? Did your mother not provide you with enough love? Did your father mistreat or abused you as you grew up as a single dad?
You might be feeling a loneliness in you because of any of the above reasons or others. There are some factors that have led you to long or crave for love to a person that doesn't exist. Either you know or don't know the person you love.
You might love a light but in reality you are comparing her to a person that doesn't exist. Who is that person who doesn't exist?
Look back into your childhood. How did you grow up? What about the environment your free up in? Was it inviting or cruel?
Did a girl you loved crush your heart? Did she betray you? Did she end the relationship even though loved her very much?
You have to look back in your life to know why you're feeling this way.
It might be your fantasizing about that person who you don't know or haven't seen her face. You visualize her as the perfect girl for you. You talk to her. You have fallen in her despite she isn't real. If it's the case, you have to stop yourself from fantasizing about the nonexistent girl. This one is a common phenomenon. Grieving your nonexistent girl might mean you no longer feel attached to her. She appears distant. She is fading away. Let her fade away. Stop thinking about her because she isn't real.