I engaged sexually with men, but I fall emotionally for women, and fantasize about them more often. I don't have the courage to interact with the same gender because I grew up with my mom who used to hate finding out I have lesbian friends. But looking back, I never really loved any man even though I have sex with them. My attraction to women is still incomparable to the men I've been with. I get confused about my sexuality today. What should I do?

Answer

It is very common to feel confused about your sexual orientation if you grew up in a family that didn't accept LGBT+ people. From your question, it sounds like you are more interested in women, even though you have more experience with men. If you grew up afraid to be anything but straight, it makes sense that you would try to suppress your feelings for women, and force yourself to like men.

You might be bisexual, or you might be a lesbian. Ask yourself, do you actually find yourself attracted to men, or do you only date them because you feel like that is what you are supposed to do? Remember, you may still be bisexual even if you are a bit more attracted to one or the other. It doesn't have to be 50/50. However, if you find that you were never really attracted to men, you may be a lesbian.

If you feel that you are more attracted to women, you might want to pursue dating women to find out if that is what you really want. As long as you are financially independent of your mother, who is not supportive of you even having lesbian friends, live your life the way you want. If you find that you only want to be with women, don't let fears of what your family might thing get in the way of your happiness.

Updated on August 7, 2018

Original Article:

How to Know If You Are Actually Bisexual: A Guide for Coming Out to Yourself
By Jennifer Wilber
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