Choosing Marriage over Divorce
As little girls we are taught and believe that there is a "Price Charming" or "Knight in Shining Armour" that will one day come in and sweep us off our feet. We believe that the "Frog" can be turned into that Prince with just the touch of our lips. But as we grow up we come to realize that men are imperfect. Likewise, men are brought up to believe that every woman should be June Cleaver combined with the sex-appeal of Marilyn Monroe. And women, too, are imperfect.
The world suggests that as soon as something in our marriage goes wrong, and that spouse doesn't measure up to our expectations, that we call it quits and move on to a search for someone who does measure up to our expectations. We somehow forget all the wonderful qualities this person had that caused us to marry him or her in the first place, and we begin analyzing and picking apart all of their weaknesses and imperfections. We talk to everyone who will listen and they willingly back us up in our position and suddenly that wonderful person that we promised to love, honor and respect forever is nothing more than a thorn in our side that needs to be plucked and discarded.
But if you loved that person enough to marry them, then you can find it in yourself to love them enough to continue to fight for them and help bring out the best in them rather than expect them to just bring out the best in you.
So with that said, here are my 10 reasons for staying in your marriage:
1. Love is Unconditional. It's your choice to love or not love. Make the choice today to love your spouse unconditionally and to look for those redeeming qualities that are easy to love, no matter how small, and overlook those qualities that need improvement.
2. A person that gets divorced is 50% more likely to get divorced a 2nd time, and then 75% more likely to get divorced a 3rd time. Why not just work with the one your with rather than continue to go through person after person looking for someone to fill the void that only you can fill.
3. Children. If you have any children, it becomes even more imperative to work harder on your marriage and resolve to stay committed. Children are affected the most by divorce. If you can't find it in your heart to love your spouse enough at this moment to stick it out, then love your children enough.
4. Personal Growth. Nothing like the challenge of working through these difficult times will help you grow more as a person. You will become more refined and more the person you truly are when you are willing to sacrifice what you want in the moment for what can be the future.
5. No Guarantees. There are no guarantees that if you divorce this person you will be happy. You may never find someone that will be all that you want them to be. However this person once made you believe that they could be. Why not put the effort into this person rather than start over with a new person?
6. Commitment. You made a promise to love, honor and cherish this person for as long as you live. Now you should honor that commitment and have integrity in your promises.
7. Finances. Although finances may be the reason your considering ending your marriage, I promise you that divorce is not the answer!! Not only is it more difficult to support your family with one income (and men who pay child support are usually supporting 2 families with that one income if he gets remarried), but walking away from a problem is never the solution. There is an additional opportunity for personal growth if you are willing to work through the financial challenges in your marriage and deal with them head-on. If finances weren't an issue, think about how you and your children will be affected financially by these decisions.
8. God. If you are a religious person, especially if you are a Christian, this shouldn't need any further explanation. If you require further explanation, study your Bible by going to the Bible Dictionary and looking up the words "marriage", "husband", "wife".
9. Joy. You will have no greater joy in your life than by finding a way to work through the problems, resolve them, and find those solutions together that take you back to the reasons you got married in the first place.
10. Unconditional Love. I know I've already said this, but it deserves to be repeated. It's difficult to love unconditionally. Some people will say "I do love my spouse still, I just can't live with him/her". Unconditional Love says you will do everything in your power to find their redeeming qualities, overlook their imperfections and accept them completely. You will help them become their higher self.
"True Love" isn't something that you fall in and out of. True love is something that you build over time. You build it a brick at a time by sacrifice, selflessness and love. You allow the trials and tribulations to be your mortar rather than your wrecking ball. Don't be hasty in opting for a divorce. And if you are still together in the same house, stay that way. A separation will usually do more harm than good. Rather than focus on what the other person has done wrong, take a deeper look at yourself and the areas you need to improve. Get counseling, go to a self-improvement workshop, take a financial peace class...whatever it takes. Be willing to fight for the most important person that will ever be in your life.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Kate on October 05, 2018:
A great post!
Adrien on January 20, 2015:
I want to commend you on your great resuorce for parents and kids going through divorce. Divorce is a very difficult process to go through for everyone involved. As your website points out, helping children through a divorce is the most important aspect. Your kids will need help to get through this stage and onto the rest of their lives. Thanks for your great resuorce.
jenbeach21 from Orlando, FL on August 17, 2012:
I completely agree with point number 1. Love is a choice! I wish more people could understand that.
JaneKnowsbest (author) on February 16, 2012:
Thanks for your comment! I agree, and the sad thing is that it starts a trend of broken relationship after broken relationship. As human being's, we're so quick to blame the other person and then we take our flaws that we still haven't worked out on to the next new relationship. No surprise we continue to find ourselves in the same old relationship just with someone different.
Pete from Ontario, Canada on February 16, 2012:
Great hub... I actually answered a question on here earlier that asked, "What makes a great couple?" Commitment is the answer. Unfortunately, in this day and age, marriages are just another throw away item, like a broken cellphone. Ditch it and get another. That might seem to work until the next one breaks. Marriage is a commitment, warts and all.