Ms.Monae is known by some as a fitness and health fanatic. She believes in living a healthy lifestyle with guilty pleasures in moderation.
A narcissist will make you feel like you're the best thing he'd ever laid eyes on. The idealize phase. He makes you think you've got it going on. This is only a ploy to reel you in. When he met you, his goal from the start was to make you feel as special as possible. It was all fake. You may be special, but not to him.
Instant gratification is what he is in search of. Narcissist use other people to feel good about themselves. If he treats you good, he knows you will be his supply until he finds someone else. Then he will devalue you. Then he will discard you. This is a game to the narcissist. You were his target. Learn the 25 signs your man is a narcissist.
- Craves admiration and acknowledgment. If you give a narcissist praise he will give you the biggest show of your life. A party isn't a party until a narcissist walks into the room. They have to be the center of attention or else. They feel superior to everyone and will sometimes even pretend to have done something great just for the acknowledgment.
- Needs compliments to feel good about himself. Compliments make a narcissist feel alive. Their whole game is to be admired 24/7. This is the only thing that gets their juices flowing. He can't go even a day without this. If you don't give him compliments he will find someone that will. He already has his eye on the next target anyway.
- Is always trying to make himself look good in front of others. Will put on a big show to make himself look superior around people. He demands to be the center of attention or else he'd rather be alone.
- Loves instant gratification. Narcissists are always searching for people or things that will give them instant gratification. He will have sex with just about anyone who pays him some attention.
- Never really loves anyone, but himself. Some may even believe that narcissists aren't capable of loving others at all. They pretend to love. A narcissist feels love physically, not emotionally. This is why they are always searching for new partners. A narcissist shows his love through sex, gifts and paying the bills. He believes this is all it takes to show love. If you stay with a narcissist for too long, you will forget what real love is.
- Has to have control. Narcissists are control freaks. He will want to control everything in your life. What you look like, where you go and who you talk to. He will constantly try to make you change to fit what he wants you to be. He will also drill you on even your regular daily activities. He wants to know and be in control of everything.
- Is in competition with everyone. Narcissists believe they are superior to everyone. They also love it when people compete for their attention. They love the silly fighting women do over them. This will feed a narcissist already too big ego.
- Is always the victim. He gets a kick out of making people believe he has been wronged. He wants others to feel his fake pain and feel sorry for him. Oh you poor baby, how could she treat you like that.
- Always shifts the blame. Everything he does is because someone else made him do it. Will take no responsibility for his actions if they are negative. Narcissists avoid problems until they get out of hand. Even if they are late for something. You or someone else was the reason for it.
- Shows little or no emotion. Narcissists can't stand being around emotional people. Showing a lot of emotions will cause conflict between you and the narcissist. They will think that you are weak and will run from you.
- He never apologizes even when he is at fault. Do not hold your breath if you are waiting on a narcissist to apologize. You will die before he does. And if he does apologize it will be so insincere you will feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry!
- Shows no empathy for others. When someone is hurting he doesn't feel it. When they are sick or die he can even joke and laugh about it. He is not capable of putting himself in anyone's shoes. A narcissist may even appear to be joyful by hearing others bad news. If it's not physically hurting him, he can't feel it.
- Puts his needs and wants always before yours. If I could do this or have that, then I would be a better man. He will spend money on things that aren't needed. He buys things for the purpose of making himself feel and look superior.
- Pretends to be someone he's not. Can play many different characters. They change from person to person. He can even change the way he talks from person to person. When he goes out he is always in character.
- Is not capable of building strong bonding relationships with anyone. This includes their children and other loved ones. Narcissists aren't equipped with nurturing skills. It's so sad, but we see it on a daily basis how children are neglected and hurt by a narcissistic parent.
- Puts on a great emotional show when need be. Because they lack emotion and empathy, when they are trying to be sincere it is very awkward. I have seen some great performances, some were Oscar-winning. The narcissist can even cry fake tears at funerals!
- Does not feel guilt. So stop asking yourself how can he keep doing the same stupid and mean shit to you over and over again. If you try to make him feel guilty or expose him, you will see his rage.
- Becomes full of rage when someone calls him out on anything. Remember a narcissist is never wrong. He will lash out at you and later on pretend nothing happened. A narcissist has two forms of dealing with situations. Ignore it or go into a fit of rage.
- Will lie about even ridiculous things. Telling a lie is second nature to a narcissist. Usually, if they are talking, they are lying. And if you catch him in a lie, he still won't admit to it.
- Can't be adored or praised by someone he'd rather be alone. Give a narcissist what they want or get out of their face. This is the attitude they will have with you after you fall for them. Remember he has or is working toward other supply.
- Is mean as hell! Suddenly Mr. Nice Guy disappeared. You're sitting there scratching your head wondering who this new man is. You are in the devalue phase. Remember narcissists pretend to be good people. They cannot keep this charade up forever. Their true cruel self eventually shows up. At this point, your time is limited. He may have already honed in on a new target. He may begin treating you as if he despises you.
- Constantly searches for new supply. When you feel like the relationship is in trouble, it is. Every day a narcissist wants to find someone new to impress. If he seems distant it's because he's thinking about his next target. He will always be on the lookout for someone that will treat him better than you.
- Makes weakening you a goal. This is only so he can get you to do whatever he wants you to. He'll make you feel guilty. He'll make you feel fearful. He'll make you feel alone. He'll make you feel ashamed. Once all of this is achieved your need for him becomes greater. This is what he believes will make you continue to love and adore him and be his supply until he's ready to discard you.
- Enjoys your pain. When a narcissist knows they've hurt you this only makes them happy. Remember they crave attention, good or bad. If they know the relationship is over they will try to make you as miserable as possible. This is part of the devalue phase.
- Can dismiss you like you are a stranger once you figure him out and stop showing him admiration. This is the discard phase. A narcissist will discard you with little warning. You may want to work it out, but he can't. His problem-solving skills are limited to rage or walking away. Hopefully you realize, you want the latter. Count your blessings and move on.
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
Reading "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" by Eleanor Payson, will help you understand your co-dependency on the narcissist. After taking a psychology class, I wanted to explore narcissism a little more. I read this book and it confirmed my suspicions. It confirmed I was in a long term relationship with a narcissist. This book taught me how to deal with him accordingly. I personally recommend this book to anyone who believes that they are in a narcissistic relationship.
If Your Man Shows These Signs, He's Probably a Narcissist
These are good telltale signs your man is a narcissist. Women can be narcissist too and display these same signs. You will find narcissists at work and in your own family. They are everywhere waiting to pounce on a new target. Remember they use other people to feel good about themselves.
If you feel that you are in a relationship with a narcissist you need to seek help. If you decide to stay with a narcissist, they will emotionally destroy you. Unless they get help for their narcissism the cycle will continue. Building new relationships and letting old ones die is the reality of the narcissist. Before you commit to any relationship always remember these signs.
Facebook Is Full of Narcissists!
Questions & Answers
Question: Why do people become narcissists? Are they born like that?
Answer: Narcissist are made. There can be some reasons why. Childhood experiences are the biggest contributors to how a persons character forms. Mental, physical and sexual abuse are common factors. Over-indulgence is often overlooked, but is a huge factor in the overwhelming amount of narcissism that exists today.
Question: I love someone. He’s a narcissist and it’s hard to move on, what do I do?
Answer: Love yourself more! Get a support group together. They probably already know he's an ass and you need to go for your own well being.
Question: Can a narcissist ever change?
Answer: Anyone can change some; however they rarely do. A traumatic event can cause the most change in narcissistic behavior.
Question: Can a man suddenly turn into a narcissist?
Answer: Not overnight, but yes a person can become a narcissist over time.
Question: Can a narcissistic man or woman resort to physical or sexual violence?
Answer: Yes if that's their character. Many are charming and non-violent. There are many mental disorders that contribute to violent behaviors.
Question: How do I get other people, like family, to see that my man is a narcissist? They all say I have to try harder.
Answer: He will always put on a show and look like a good guy in front of other people. Don't worry about trying to get other people to see his true self. Do what's best for you. No one wants to constantly live in misery. The world is actually a beautiful place and living in it can and should be peaceful.
Question: Now that I filed for divorce 4 months ago, every day since then he is crying an begging me to see the changed man he has become! He says I opened his eyes and he will never treat me or the kids like he used to and that he will make me happier than I've ever been and no one will ever ask why I'm still with him they will say wow he has changed! Like I said it's only been 4 months since I even told him I wanted a divorce an now he's a changed man is this possible?
Answer: Not if he's a narcissist. They can't hide who they really are for long.
Question: What if he never discards you?
Answer: He hasn't found anyone he believes to be better yet. They look for people who shows them the most attention. If he's a narcissist you can best believe he's always looking.
Question: I've been married for 46 years. I want a divorce. He won't give me one. All I hear is that he doesn't have any money. Why are they (narcissists) against divorces?
Answer: They think divorce is a sign of failure. In their minds, they fail at nothing.
© 2015 Miss Monae
Eleanor K, womba on August 18, 2020:
I just realized that I have been married to a narcissistic man for 15 years. the first year of our marriage was very sweet, the last 14 years of our marriage, has been a real hell for me that I can no longer bear it but to walk away from this bitter and humiliated relationship.
Binxi boo on July 17, 2019:
I married a narcissistic person and I am miserable. I have always been a decent woman with morals and a love for God. Now, I have zero faith and I am pretty sure, I have no morals left.
Felicia Yates on March 30, 2019:
I have managed to live with a true narcissist for 60 years. What I did not know was that my mother was also a narcissist. Many times when arguing with my husband, I would tell him he was my mother's twin which he hated as he hated my mother. I stayed with him as I am Catholic but - knowing about all his affairs hurt, his anger hurt, he would never apologize but I now understand the why in all his behavior and my mom's, as well. It's been a long, unhappy and hurtful life but - as the descriptions show - he never really cared about me....I was just another conquest. He has never apologized or cared how I felt but I think he needed me as I was the only one that always pointed out what he had done and I STAYED. He found he NEEDED me. We love one another but are NOT IN love. It's been a sad existence but we have 4 daughters that made it all worthwhile. I know God has a special place for me.
Bianca on December 18, 2018:
This is Philips proper portrait. So charming and willing before. Then I refused two invitations from him - because of some fear, I liked him immensely--he became hurtful, trying to ridicule me in front of others. I quit the group. Then simulated great friendship and admiration by email. At last told him in "Wodehouse's" language how mean and ill-bred he really.was. Relationship cut.
Miss Monae (author) from North Carolina on August 21, 2018:
Hello, I don't believe these men are narcissist. They exhibit some of the signs, that's all. Narcissist get very angry and lash out in some form. They can't help their behavior. Plus you can predict over time when it's coming.
Curious on August 20, 2018:
I think there must be multiple types of Narcissism. My relationships are with covert individuals who are fairly user and manipulative and withdrawn. They play the nice guy while doing crappy stuff in a very sneaky arrogant way. I’m the one the one that is emotionally expressive, antagonized by the behavior, and thus of course I look crazy. Sure everything else is there but not the overt anger and abuse..
WATHERSA DEARMOND on April 18, 2018:
I FIND THE CYCLE EXTREMELY TIREDSOME , MY GUY IS HIGH TECH WITH IT ,EXAMPLE WOULD BE LIKE HE GETS PISSED BC OF SOMETHING REAL LITTLE, LIKE I TOOK TO LONG IN THE BATHROOM AT THE CASINO LEAVE ME THEN GET MAD BC IM NOT HOME AND TRASH ALL MY BELONGINGS SO THAT I COME HOME TO MY THINGS BROKEN THROWN ABOUT LITERALLY VANDALIZE MY ROOM THEN THATS WHEN THE QIUTE TREATMENT BEGINS ITS SO MUCH ENERGY USED ITS WEARING ME OUT YET I AM A EMPATH , SO HENCE IS WHY IM PICKING UP INFO TO HELP ME
Laura G on August 01, 2017:
My children and i were drugged had our house nearly burnt down and was constantly stalked by my ex he got out of jail and breached his avo and bail conditions 2 more times before police did nothing he got so good at stalking i could not here him enter my house in the end he was always 2 mins away over a period of a year and a half i was constantly abused hacked and stopped doing what i want the police nevdr charged him despite what station i would go to then at the end i ended uo with numoures charges myself and having to give my children to their dad to keep them safe :-(
Tamara Moore on March 14, 2017:
Thank you for this very informative article! I deactivated my Facebook a long time ago; there are too many Narcissists, ASPD, Narcissist Enablers, and other dangerous and unscrupulous Fake-Bookers on there. Not everyone on Facebook is a Fake-Booker, but I have had numerous experiences with some who definitely appeared to be anything, but Real, and were, in fact, very dangerous...