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Mind Games Men Like Playing on Women

Mind games men like to play on women and how you can win them.
Mind games men like to play on women and how you can win them. | Source

Some men really love playing mind games on women. I know I do.

If you're wondering what a mind game is, they come in many forms but always involve one thing—sending mixed signals to toy with someone's emotions.

Why Do Men Play Mind Games?

If you suspect that your significant other may be playing one on you, all is not lost. Mind games are played for many reasons. If you understand how and why he is pushing you, you will be able to play the player at his own game and come out ahead. This article will list the reasons people play tricks, then explain the most common ones and how to win them. Here are the three main reasons people use deceitful ploys:

  1. The first reason why a man might play them is just to test his woman—her love, loyalty, emotional capability, understanding, and intelligence. Count me in.
  2. A man may also play them when he really wants to obtain something from his significant other and knows that the only way he can make her consider doing it is by messing with her emotions. These guys are what I call the real players. These real players or masters of the game have recognized how vulnerable emotions can make people, and they are using this shortcoming to their advantage.
  3. Yet other guys play games simply because—now, you must wait as I look over my shoulders to make sure no angry girl is close by because of what I am about to say next. Listen, a man may also be playing games simply because he knows it can be fun. Such a man may purposely stir the waters just to watch the fish react. Sometimes putting someone off balance can be satisfying. But hey—don’t say I told you so, because if you do, I will surely deny it!

Unfortunately, some people will not be able to see through these type of games. Playing with someone's emotions can even lead to fights, name-calling, breakups, divorce, and other things of that nature. So my advice to all my fellow mind-gamers is always that, although I know games can be mischievously fun, it's important to recognize when enough is enough and pull the plug before you cross that point of no return.

Mind Games and Their Hacks

Is he playing games with your emotions? When deceit enters a relationship, the stakes of every interaction raise drastically. Make sure not to do or say anything you will regret.
Is he playing games with your emotions? When deceit enters a relationship, the stakes of every interaction raise drastically. Make sure not to do or say anything you will regret. | Source

Are you interested in knowing how he could be springing that mind game on you?

Based off of my own experience, here are some flags:

1. Does He Make Unreasonable or Impossible Demands?

It normally happens without warning. All of a sudden he starts making unreasonable or impossible demands.

He might start suggesting and demanding that the two of you visit places or people he knows you don’t want to visit. He will start insisting that you watch his favorite TV sports program that he knows you don’t like.

He may even start preventing you from doing what you normally would—perhaps even not letting you leave the house.

Watch it, please, my dear girl. Don’t overreact, because he might just be testing you.

If he is, he is testing your will power, your resolve, your flexibility, and, most importantly, your strength.

If you really want to get into his heart, I believe this is the time to show him how understanding and diplomatic you can be.

Believe me when I say that if you pass this one test with me, you will have every reason to celebrate because you’ve just increased my trust in you, whether or not you realize it.

2. Did He Suddenly Stop Calling?

This can be quite frustrating for the girl. If a girl is really interested, she will normally have a strong emotional reaction to this type of psychological warfare.

Most girls will get worked up with fearful thoughts. A girl will start worrying and wondering if he is still interested, if he has seen or is seeing someone else, if he is in serious trouble, if he is ill, etc. Questions, questions, questions, with no answers, because the guy who is supposed to provide the answers is nowhere to be seen. He is not calling, and he is not answering calls.

Don’t get panicky, girlfriend, just look at everything in perspective. Think of it this way: Maybe he is trying to see how much you needed him or how much you will miss him if he is no longer there.

If this is the case, your behavior now can either make things worse or better for you. He wants to see how interested and committed you are, and whether or not you are suspicious. My advice is never to panic or overreact. Keep your head to avoid sending the wrong message. Instead, communicate that he is important to you and that you will be supportive, but you won't be a pushover.

3. Is He Giving You the Silent Treatment or Only Talking in Monosyllables?

Most women don’t like this. They enjoy steady conversation with their lovers, so once he starts going monosyllabic on her, she will immediately inquire whether there is a problem. Then he will respond in monosyllables or may even begin giving the silent treatment.

If this happens to you, know that he is fully aware that your mind will go spinning off the hook as you start wondering what you've done wrong.

Listen to me: Just relax.

Don’t panic or fall into the temptation of saying something terrible you might regret later. He is just testing your ability to endure. So prove that you can, and don't act needy, although it's important to let him know that you love him.

4. Has He Become Inexplicably Aggressive?

You start noticing that the nice guy you are used to has transformed into a violent stranger.

The aggression may not only be directed at you, but also at everybody nearby, creating an atmosphere of fear.

I know the situation is not funny. However, the purpose of this terrible ploy is not to hurt you but to test your bravery and tensile strength. He wants to see how much shock you can withstand. Nobody needs a coward as a mate.

Even though your partner may not want to admit it, most men need to know that you are that someone who can actually stand up to them and call them to order at the times they need it the most. Doing so successfully will prove you are a strong and fearless woman.

5. Does He Refuse to Give You Compliments?

This is one way to get a girl, any girl, to boil. Women love to be complimented, and they don’t hide the fact. (Actually, I think men love compliments even more than women, but while men are expected to keep this desire on the low, women aren't.)

Women love to be told how good-looking, pretty, and beautiful they are. Is that not why they generally spend so much time in front of mirrors and at the beautician’s or hair salon?

So after a woman has laboriously made herself up, she loves to hear her man say he likes the end results. The same goes for her cooking, sense of fashion, and even lovemaking skills. Women love those words—those sweet nothings.

And what does he do? He acts as if he didn't notice anything. Almost as if she did not exist!

If this happens to you, you can be sure he's watching your frustration build. You may even be tempted to start throwing a tantrum—which would be playing into his hands. He is testing you to find your breaking point. He wants to see if you're normal—after all, it is only human to get desire acknowledgement—but he also wants to see if you can handle it when someone does not give you the expected response.

6. Is He Comparing You to Others, Your Sister, or Your Friend?

This is the worst form of all the mind games he can ever play with a girl.

By comparing her with others in a negative light, he is using the most destructive means to point out her shortcomings and faults. We know that our faults are what makes us human, but when a person deliberately forces his significant other to take another look at herself in such a deriding manner, he is sending an entirely different and more terrible message altogether.

Whether he is actually trying to correct his girlfriend's faults or telling her that he can’t live with her anymore, the bottom line is that he purposely gets her agitated by implying that he thinks those other people are better than her.

If this is happening to you, listen up. You might want to retaliate by revealing or telling him things to prove that those people are not as great as he thought they were.

But before you do something like that, think again. Don't let him provoke you into saying ugly, malicious, and revealing things about other people too easily. If you do, it may show that you are ready to throw people who made the "terrible mistake" of confiding in you under the bus. He may also think that such a reaction goes to show how you might talk about him the day the chips are down.

Besides, he might be really interested in getting you to change for the better. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But sometimes, it is only true friends who can tell you that type of truth—he may want you to know that he is indeed a true friend.

7. Is He Flirting with Other Girls?

Mind-gamers know that women are always watching out for those tendencies toward straying that men normally display even unconsciously.

And so what does a mind-gamer do? Of course, he sends you those signals! Such a guy will flirt and flirt and flirt just to make sure that you get the message that he may be interested in others more than you.

There are three reasons he may be doing this, and I am afraid to say them, as they are not exactly what you are going to want to hear:

  1. He may be flirting with others in order to stoke your latent jealousy and make you more interested in him.
  2. He could be flirting for fun now just to test the waters and see what your reaction would be like should he on one bright tempting day forget his boundaries and actually take things too far with another girl.
  3. He could also be doing it to send you the unspoken message that he is planning on calling it quits, and when he does, he will say that it is because he can no longer cope with your possessiveness.

If it is for the first reason, you just have to show him the love. That is what he really wants—for you to demonstrate that you really want him.

If it is for the second reason, you just go ahead and call him to order by letting him know that even though you know he thinks he is having fun now, that there is a limit to that that rubbish you can stomach. I bet you he will be shocked to find out that you know the game, and this will definitely make him man up at once. This will also show that you are intelligent, understanding, caring, responsible, and still interested.

Let’s pray it will never be for the third reason. If so, there's not much you can do except examine whether you truly are clingy or if it's just his excuse for breaking up. If you're actually being overly possessive, you should be ready to do something about that habit, since it is a turn-off for most men.

8. Is He Becoming Secretive?

Suddenly, you notice your man is becoming more and more secretive.

If a man is engaging in this type of psychological warfare, there are many ways he could he could go about it.

He might start by refusing to answer some of your questions. He might stop sharing thoughts with you and start preferring to be on his own. He might start appearing distant and forgetful. These actions all are meant to signify a lack of interest in you.

True mind-gamers know that this strategy works like magic if the woman in question is really interested, because her significant other's withdrawal will cause her to become more interested in him and his affairs. The doubts and suspicions he has created in her mind will make her worried, and she will work to find out what is wrong.

As with other mind games, purposely creating doubt can allow the mind gamer to find out about how she will react if she ever hears something not-so-great about him.

If your man is playing this trick on you, he wants to see for himself whether he can trust you. He wants to know how you react to gossip and hearsay. He is interested to know if you can actually think for yourself and discern the truth by separating the facts from the chaff of any circulating rumors you might hear about him.

Any interested lady will want to know what is going on with her man. She will try to prove the unspoken message that she couldn't handle what's going on with him wrong by showing him how loyal she can be. In the process, she might even reveal something secret about herself that he never knew—which might even be the reason he launched this type of mind game in the first place.

She will demand almost to the point of going hysteric that he tells her everything that is troubling or bothering him. And then, he will be convinced that she is seriously concerned.

But on the contrary, if she does not show any sign of concern, he will get the message that she doesn't care, which means she’s anything but loyal or trustworthy!

So be careful how you respond to this type of mind game. Show support without giving away your own secrets. One wrong move and you can come off as cold or as someone he cannot depend on.

However, it might also be a good time to review your future plans together to see if you are still featurin’.

9. Has He Become Disinterested in Sex?

One weapon women have over men is in sex. Men are insatiable—often even hard feelings, arguments, and contempt will not prevent them from wanting to get it on.

To them, it’s just physical.

So when your guy who used to be all over you in the bedroom suddenly develops this inexplicable lack of sexual interest in you, something must be amiss.

He'll expect that you will be worried and ask him about it. If you do, it will show that you are observant and interested in suggestions for how to fix the problem. This will be a big plus for you in his book. If you don't, he may think that you don't care enough to put his needs first.

Your Opinion

If someone is playing mind games on you, is he worth it?

See results

Last Word

Some people, in fact many people, hate the idea of someone playing mind games with them. They might feel as though they are being used as pawns in such games.

Which might be true or not.

Besides, it is understandable to not like mind games, because they are very risky games to play. You may never be able to decipher what he is playing at, and that means that one wrong move could cause the whole cookie that is your relationship to start to crumble.

So you should be on the lookout for some of these signs and master how to counterattack using the potent gift of female intuition.

Always remember that mind games are normally launched without prior warning. So that is one very easy way to determine if and when the heat is on. When you notice a sudden change in his behavior towards you, that is when you should tighten your seatbelt and get ready for an emotional rollercoaster.

The key is never to say or do anything that you might regret. Always bear in mind that sometimes, some (wicked) men are just looking for ridiculous excuses to break up. Please don't give him one real reason now.

However, as unbelievable or as funny as it may sound to you, I also fully believe that playing mind games can be used to cement a relationship and make it stronger. This is because psychological warfare can serve as an avenue to enable you to know who you are dealing with in the relationship. When both players play well, they can grow to respect each other's strength, grace, and diplomacy under duress.

Oh, and I almost forgot, mind games can also be fun because they provide the lovebirds with something to talk, joke, and laugh about later—maybe after a bout of wonderful make-up sex!

Have You Ever Been Gamed?

If someone has played on of the mind tricks on you, which one was it?

See results

What Do You Think Is the Best Way to Deal with a Player?

What do you do when you realize you're being played?

See results

More by this Author


256 comments

deborah 4 years ago

Very, very informative.

P.S.: The players are going to hate you!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

You can say that again Debbie.

But wait a minute, maybe you have not read my other hub which I called the 10 things every successful player must do or have.

I believe by the time you are through with that hub, you will know why I don’t have to fear any player


pooilum profile image

pooilum 4 years ago from Malaysia

Mind games are a part of the culture now i guess. Good guys that don't play mind games are often dubbed as a boring person by girls


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Thanks, Pooilum for that comment. Does it mean you like playing mind games too just like me?


alisha4u profile image

alisha4u 4 years ago from New Delhi, India

Interesting Hub. This may also happen when the guy is not really interested or he takes you for granted.


LotusFlowerBomb profile image

LotusFlowerBomb 4 years ago from Conneticut

I am sooo tickled with this hub..SMH..its honesty is both liberating and comical..great stuff


mygypsylife 4 years ago

hahahaha i love it! your analysis is perfect and insightful, and has literally just prevented me from reacting poorly.... thanks :)


PureLady75 4 years ago

Very interesting. I am dating a guy who is currently "trying" to play his brand of mind games on me. At first he presented himself to be really into me, very giving of his time and attention (multiple phone calls per day, asking when he could see me, flowers, text, emails, ect)....until he got me to agree to become exclusive. Then all of a sudden all of the attention I use to get came to a slow crawl....1 phone call a day and that's late at night when he knows I'm in bed. Now he's laid back, I found myself contacting him first via phone/ email, and me being the one to ask about having "date nights". Now don't get me wrong, he always return emails, and text messges and phone calls will be returned within the hour. He cites his lack of attention on his demanding career, single-fatherhood, and continuing his education...but all of these factors were still in place when he was first persuing me. I asked him if this was bad timing and he stated "No, I really like you. I want to see what we can build. Just enjoy the journey". Now everything seems to be based around him and his schedule. He gives enough just to keep me going, but to keep the ball in his court. So.....I got smart and turned to tables on him, telling him how understanding I am of his busy schedule, yet not inviting him to do things with me but telling him about it afterwards. When he becomes upset asking why he didn't receive an invite, I tell him " Babe, I know how busy you are and I didn't want to bother you". I no longer contact hime 1st. This has caused him to contact me, actind dumb-founded. When he ask me out, I have to am now busy and I put HIM on the back burner to be picked-up when I have time.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

PureLady, you are right on track. You know what...? You could even become a master of the game as long as you can be able to spot the signs whenever it starts...

Congratulations...


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Exactly. Alisha, sometimes mind games are just the only way to signify your disinterest in the whole love affair. Thanks for reading.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Lotus, I hope I can be able to tickle you again and again and again...


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Thanks a lot.


Mistressoflove profile image

Mistressoflove 4 years ago from Rhode Island

A very nice hub. Being a woman that is open minded i find it very interesting and a pure must read. :)


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Thanks a lot Mistresslove. Being an open minded man, I'd say I like open minded women a lot because they are the type that can easily "see-through" any mind game exploits!


wendy 4 years ago

was our day together he got asked work i wasn't happy said a few things know he saying mite not be down again am worried


aamiramitchell 4 years ago

I have Guy that he say he really love me but I really think he's playing minds games. Okay put like this, we be talking over phone normally .but it's like he's telling this and that just see how I react To it. Like one example, he say don't call him but he call me. Because he's going through things right now. I mean everything is Cool, straight and we taking it slow. But I'm just Saying


mmccdd 4 years ago

Some of your writing seems familiar - 1 week old.

He came on a biz trip from abroad(6h flight).Our good mutual friend recommended that we meet.

Synched so fast, funny, full of insight and great advice, so smart and quick. Holiday plans (for this week actually, which I did not go for) and unreasonnable suggestions after 48h (recommendations on how I could move my job to his country and work from there), sweet talker, identified what I want in life.

Example : he asked and I said many things among which a family one day (totally casually, please). Next thing I know, in the middle of bed action, as I did not agree that the condom came off, "don't you want my baby?"(I clearly remember thinking "what in the world" and saying "jesus,c'mon").

Met 3 times in 6 days, 12hours/39hours/6hours = 57 hours.

Our mutual friend says he used to be a player but is very settled now, great guy. My good guy friend (very quick mind) says he's taking me where he wants me to be.

I rode the rollercoaster til the end and still giddy after 1 week - emotional strenghts is probably what I have developed the most.


jane 4 years ago

this guy is a player. and he enjoys the spice of life and dont mind leaving a baby in the mix,


JLW 4 years ago

And who would wish to be with such an insecure childlike person? This type of "man" has a lot of work to do before he is fit for any partner.

First, he must work on his insecurity - that will mean that he won't need to be testing women in these ways. He won't need to because he will feel confident inside himself and attract the right person simply by being who he is. It is his fearfulness that requires mind games.

Next off, he needs to work on treating others with respect - this will require work on his ego which is still engaged in childish behaviour.

Love and respect go hand in hand. If he cannot respect another, he is either suffering from major insecurity issues or major ego issues - selfishness and a vastly inflated opinion of himself.

Good luck!


mmccdd 4 years ago

You know the odd thing ?

We also had extremely mature conversations (40 yo). I pointed out what I found quite impressive in him (in a very very grounded way, not at ALL like "wooaah"). "Always thinking 5 steps ahead, I guess, yes". He's action-driven and is in the driver's seat mostly. Control and overchievement comes to my mind now.

How can someone be so socially skilled, capable, hold a very high profile job and be this insecure at the same time ? Publically fearless but so very privately scared inside ?

We were cuddling and he said "aaah, you're falling in love" with a little smile - I replied "you wish" and smiled back.

I was in total control when we were together. It's once the adrenaline comes down that you ask yourself "What was that".


Educated, Classy, and Sassy 4 years ago

This is an EXTREMELY well-written article! When a woman KNOWS HER WORTH, she will NOT play games NOR allow insecure men to play games with her. I recently ended things with a man that was playing this "hot and cold" game with me. The minute that a woman has to wonder whether she is even IN a relationship, you are NOT and it's time to PROMPTLY end it. If more women knew their worth, they would force men to stop playing games and to deal with them honestly from the start. Besides, what busy professional with high self-esteem has TIME for foolish games? Certainly not me!


Leslie 4 years ago

Very true! Thank you for informing women about it. We're taking over.. Girls rule!! :)


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Thanks a lot Leslie for reading.

But wait a minute...Leslie, tell me the truth, how long do you think you girls are going to rule before we guys come up with another different style of mind games?


michememe profile image

michememe 4 years ago

Mind games? I hated playing kiddie games as a child, and I know I won't play them as an adult. Women, are more hooked on the any games men try to play, because in a sense women play them too. My issue is why can't people just say it...whatever it is. I like you, I want to test you, whatever it is. Mind games in relationships can cause stress in someone's life.


AndreaSN 4 years ago

lol,,,this is so true and funny...my player met his match i passed all the tests but i am no dummy, i even got the ring and the house, month before getting married he decided to change his mind, so what do i do, i empty the house left what he came with...bye now who got palyed? 6 months later he came crying back missing me and loving me more than ever, and wants it to be back to normal, haha, mind games and the player status can bit you in the ass sometimes, cuz yet after a year of being split he is now wanting counseling and all the fun stuff he has even told me all the dirt he had done the first time around, not helping the situation.


mmccdd 4 years ago

Wow, what a story AndreaSN - you went all the way. The hunter got captured by the game.


Kat 4 years ago

Men who do these things are playing with dynamite if they're dating a smart, educated woman with a shred of integrity. She will walk out fast and he will be left to play his games with the doormats.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Dear Kat, I hope you are not a dynamite in any way because that is exactly how you are sounding now.

Remember I said it, mind games could be fun!


mmccdd 4 years ago

Dear Emmyboy, have you read the book called The Game by Neil Strauss ?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

No mmccdd I haven't but I will try and see how I am going to do that very soon.

I hope there's a lot in there for me to learn,huh?


zaziealfa 4 years ago

Deja vu with my man! I can tell that my man is testing me after reading your article! He is kinda doing all of this. I was even wondering why he was still with me if he was becoming like that??? It drive me crazy i start asking question I bother him and all and at the end of the day he is still with me...

Recently I was really worry for the disinterested in sex part too! I asked him the question but he never want to reply or look like huh??? Last time I asked him what's going on he started talking about marriage and a house but I can't tell if he was serious or no... Well its not the first time that he brings up the marriage subject (he did told me when we started dating if I would say yes if he asked me... then later once he brings up that i was the woman he gonna marry) can he be testing me too in bringing up the subject? He is almost 30 years old all seems to be going good in his life... And when he brings up the subject (especially because Im scared that he just bring it up to bring it up) I never really give him a reply if yes or no I would like I just keep look at him smiling...

Ah and the other day he brings up the unreasonable impossible demands... he told me "I have 3 girlfriends including you" and was looking for my reaction. I told him that I was not going to share my time with his 2 others girlfriend and that I was leaving him (I was all shocked...) It seems that he wanted to see my reaction and then started laughing and joking about it. But he was kinda surprised that I wanted to dump him. He asked me again later on if I would really dump him... I said yes I would! So I told him that I will pick 2 others boyfriend too... Wasn't funny for him anymore (he is really jealous he can't stand the idea that any other man could have me) So I had to stop talking about it...


mmccdd 4 years ago

Emmyboy, I hope you do read it ! Not about learning (you know so much :D) but more...how far mind games can go.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Zaziealfa, I hope you will understand what I wrote in that my mail? Thank you for reading anyway...

Mmccdd, you have pointed me in another direction. Thank you for saying I know so much about women even though in reality you may be shocked to learn that I am more less like that Styles of a guy I am reading about in that The Game you mentioned which I started reading last night.

It is just the basic pickup artist and the usual advice for men.

From the little information I am able to glimpse from The Game, I think I am going to start a new series on flirting here on hubpages, how does that sound?

It promises to be interesting so watch out.


Marie 4 years ago

I truly believe this. The guy I am dating plays mind games on me but he is very obvious about it. It is clear he is really into me but he tries hiding it somewhat. His ex wife was a very jealous woman. He said he can't do that again. He will make a comment about a girl and then turn his head towards me to see my reaction. When I made comments agreeing as yes she is pretty or something to that effect he would stop. Eventually now he has stopped for the most part but it drives me nuts!! There are other things he does. If I tell him something bothers me he does stop it. I feel like he has done it since the beginning though and now that he is really starting to get to know me, it has gotten a lot better. The games have stopped. Girls, if you get these games it can be from an honest guy that has been hurt and he is playing them to see how you will react. I really believe that with my guy. He is the most kind person that gets stepped on all the time. We grow closer every day and I just chalk it up to it will take him time to trust me as a person but it is getting there. He is the first one I have met in a long time that is worth the stupid games. Maybe someday I will bring it up to him after we have been together for years.


mmccdd 4 years ago

Enmyboy, this book is probably interesting to me differently as a woman maybe.

I was not impressed by the pick up technique

(let's face it, their methods don't pick up any women. They are mostly strippers) but the mental state they are all in. The PUA are described like Napoleons conquering the world. Brilliantly written.


red mermaid profile image

red mermaid 4 years ago

I so wish i had read this hub 3 days ago. I have recently split from a guy who i dated for two years and recently started playing mind games with me. The people who play these games are really imature and need to look within themselves and deal with problems deep inside themselves and their past before getting into relationships. what goes around comes around and one day they will be dealt the same deal by a loved one. great hub


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Red mermaid? What a lovely though weird name you've got there!

I don't know if it is right to say sorry or congratulations to you at this time.

But one thing I really want to know is what would've happened had it been you read this hub 3 dayz ago.

Are you telling? I am dying to know!

Meanwhile, thanks a lot for reading.


red mermaid profile image

red mermaid 4 years ago

well i must admit i did fall into the trap of constantly feeding his ego by texting and phoning him, oblivious to the fact it was just a game for him. Had i read your hub earlier i would have had the knowledge to deal with the situation differently and the results he had hoped for would have been quite different. I think probably congratulations are in order as i have taken something positive from the relationship as he introduced me to hub pages.Hope to read more of your hubs in future hope you will follow mine also.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Congratulations is it then!

I hate to break my rules on making promises but I must do it for you now so I promise to write more hubs in the future and I am going to follow yours, Ok?

Red Mermaid!


robs 4 years ago

Hey Hub ,

Girls can play mind games just as well as guys can! I strongly believe that "Two can play that game" , guys just dont know it. Girls can just as much wrok the relationships as guys can. just that some girls dont know how to do it. ! Playing mind games is like a test , to see if the guy is "down " or "not down" .

and mind games is fun and it teaches you !


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

True words robs. I believe you.


InspiringWriter profile image

InspiringWriter 4 years ago from Shenzhen, China

Very informative. Not sharing too much..... are you (-:


lola oyedotun profile image

lola oyedotun 4 years ago from Calgary

Some games might just break the relationship sooner than you expect. Personally, when i see some signs in a relationship, it just tell me that is better called a quit... it always worked for me. I hate been toyed with....it might work for others and not me....


Sustainable Sue profile image

Sustainable Sue 4 years ago from Altadena CA, USA

Well . . . now I understand a few things better with some of the men I've known. And I understand better why I dumped them. If some guy is so insecure that he has to play mind games to prove I care about him all the time, then he's not for me.

And I understand why my relationship with my sister got so uncomfortable. I suspected for awhile that her husband was comparing her unfavorably with me, even though she's a lot more attractive, but I didn't understand why she acted jealous. Now she's guarded and it's hard to relate to her. And both of us regret it. Sigh. I don't like those kinds of mind games.


wynnestudios profile image

wynnestudios 4 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

Pretty much on the point. ;o)


Reta8Beta profile image

Reta8Beta 4 years ago

Now I know when not to get upset about the things my bf does ._. thx for the info and i lmaoo at some parts ^_^


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

That is exactly the plan Reta. To be forewarned is to be forearmed, you know?

All the same, thanks a lot for stopping by.


Sane man 4 years ago

I don't know any guy that deliberately plays mind games, only when they are feeling insecure, un-confident or unsure do they start this kind of behaviour, but not consciously or deliberately just to mess with a girl or test her. If a guy starts treating you like this on purpose you should dump him as he is a waste of time and a weakling.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Well Sane man, you are entitled to your opinion. What else can I say but to remind you that there are men and there are men...

Thanks for stopping by.


blessed365 profile image

blessed365 4 years ago from New England

I think playing mind games on people would get to be very tiring. I would not like it that anyone was playing mind games on me. You learn to trust people over time, so there is no need to keep testing them because a person just might get played and in the end they will have no one.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Blessed, remember like I said in the beginning, it's just a game! You either play it or you don't.

But if you don't even recognize on time that it's only a game, you will have no one to blame when you wake up and find out that the game has been playing you all along!


bologna 4 years ago

if doesn't answer questions...he's not interested or fooling around with a bimbo....my husband saw me got into my face..and asked me out and that's how we "figured out" each other..this crap about trying to figure him out is crap. i tell my single girlfriends all the time if he is not talking to you then he's not interested in you or he's married or he's with a bimbo---i've been married for 18 years and thank God i'm not in the single world...the guys today are a bunch of head games. ladies if he's a head game..then do not speak or address this person.


dotty1 profile image

dotty1 4 years ago from In my world

This is a great hub, so what is the game men are playing when they have dated you for years and then just ignore you all of a sudden? it carries on for say three weeks and then they come back....what if this happens every so often in a relationship? what is he doing?


Sceven 4 years ago

Being a woman I can tell you that those notions of us being adverse to violence are totally unfounded. In fact I want to hurt you in the worst possible way right now. Your assumptions are stereotypical and mostly incorrect. You want some real advice, be honest and forthcoming with your emotions and thoughts or lack there of. And communication, and don't date asses that think games are a good way of "testing" someone. This goes for both genders. No wonder the divorce rate is 40%! I pray you don't have a counseling license, and if you do, may the gods have mercy on whomever you council.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Sceven dear, am so touched by the fact that you really wanna hurt me...

What have I done? Tell me the truth; did someone play these games on you...?

By voicing your anger in such a manner, don't you know that you are already making the same terrible mistakes many people make in their arguments which makes them come off as being insecure when they start arguing through the eyes of their emotions as against pure logic?

Like I earlier mentioned in the hub, some women don't like it when such games are played on them and I think I can now identify you as one of them. Sorry, but the truth is that as long as there are men and women in this world, there will always be someone playing mind games somewhere...! I know you might say it is not fair but then life is not fair so deal with it!

Remember, the views I expressed in the hub are just my personal opinion. You don't have to buy it, as a matter of fact!

Yes. Mind games can destroy relationships but do you believe that mind games can actually help build stronger relationships?

Believe it or not, it has a way of keeping things fresh in relationships as it introduces a certain element of uncertainty which eliminates that aspect of someone taking his(or her partner) for granted...

My game plan in writing this piece is to help women understand what their men could be up to and as such, think through and clearly before (over)reacting...

If you think that is the cause of the rising divorce cases, what else can I say other than you are 100% entitled to your opinions…?

But if you think I am afraid of hurting a girl I’m in love with by NOT playing mind games on her, you have to think again...

My advice for you: don't hate the players, hate the game. Similarly, don't hate the messenger; hate the message, OK...?

And oh…just so you know, I don't have a counseling license. For now, all I have is just a hubpages account!


girl 40 4 years ago

This hub is straight to the point. Especially when it comes to Nigerian men, be careful ldies.


MADGE 4 years ago

LADIES I WOULD NOT PUT TOO MUCH ENERGY INTO THESE BUMS...MOST OF THESE MEN HAVE BAGGAGE, CHILD SUPPORT, DEBT, CHEAT AND FIVE THOUSAND OTHER PROBLEMS AND YET THEY STILL HAVE THE TIME TO PLAY GAMES WITH A DECENT WOMAN....I'M SO GLAD THAT I FINALLY MET A GREAT GUY I CAN TRUST WITH NO BAGGAGE.... JUST STAY CLEAR AND DON'T GET SUCKED IN TO THESE LOSERS.


gina 4 years ago

no sympathy here either...if you allow a man to "mind game" you then its the your fault.

I agree do not speak to this man and do not go near this man...he'll be in the cayman islands with his wife or girlfriend and you'll be trying to figure out why he doesn't ask you out..oh and to the creeps out there that play...i have been married for 20 years to a wonderful man, because most of these men will accuse me of being an uptight biatch....GET LOST AND LEAVE THE GOOD WOMEN ALONE


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Obviously the ladies are irked and so they are reacting...

Ladies, please it's just a game, ok...?

And you Girl40, what is it you have with Nigerian guys? Hope you know I am one of them, huh?

Anyway, thanks y'all for stopping by.


Guy 4 years ago

Mind games are for insecure little brats....but yes sometimes I do them, but only to spice things up, to boil those emotions in her, to let her feel like a woman, to let her feel those emotions like a woman should. You dont need mind games to freshen the relationship, there are numerous ways of freshening it up, like doing something new, starting new rituals like buying her rose on specific days. You can get woman to wonder about you, but why in negative way, why not in positive and exciting way? Believe me it has 4x effect and woman wont be stressed out of her head. Like for instance, suddenly stop calling her, why not ditch this crap and tell her you will call her, specific day or not telling wich day, not telling her the time. If you proven your word can be counted, then she will know you will call her, she will think about you positively, she will be anxious and she will feel relaxed but anxious, wich is alot better than stressed and anxious.

But I avoid those little bullcrap things, because I am secure, well sometimes I get insecure, but I just turn my thoughts off and voila Im back being my natural secure self. Men play these games, because they are either insecure or they want to use you. They dont know if you are interested, so they devise these traps...but once you learn to watch body lenguage, you will observe her actions, observe her words, understand those tests and games...well you WONT need them ever. Believe me once I stopped playing these games and actually used what God gave me, my gut, the best 100% sure thing to get women, from that day women were no problem in my life.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Guy, you are the Man!

Keep it up!


lizz 4 years ago

hello, mind games are for guys who experienced so many bad relationships previously. dont u think so hub?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Lizz, come to think of it, I think you may be right because that is a very good possibility most especially when a guy, after suffering so much in the hands of so many different ladies, has finally decided to lump all women as being "one and the same" and as such never to be trusted...again!

Thanks for stopping by.


Nikki Major profile image

Nikki Major 4 years ago

Very intresting...


mendetiti 4 years ago

interesting.


4 years ago

Mind games abusive and a waste of time.


Chelle 4 years ago

Sound like passive aggressive behavior girls please stay faaaar away from men that is like this better living in he'll than play this with a man.I know this is innocent but more and more ppl are hurt in this world and are not healed from those hurts I am married to a man like this men like don't change and they think it's cute


meeka85 4 years ago

This is great!! Thanks for the info. And I hope u can help me with my problem.

I was seeing this guy who was totally into me and I showed him that I am interested as well. But then I had this weird feeling that something odd was going on and then BAM he text me one day saying that he is not ready to be in a relationship yet and that he think he needs time alone to sort things out, but we can still be friends. I didn't freak out I told him that if he needs time that's what he needs and if he ever need someone to talk to I will be there for him. We text a bit more like normal and then I haven't contact him back for a week now. During the week I noticed he "liked" my photo on facebook. My guy friend told me that this guy is playing a mind game with me while going after another girl. And no we have not yet slept with each other.

We suppose to go see a show together in 2 weeks time now and he say he is still up for it the last time we talked. I have never play mind game on someone or being played on. I don't know if this guy is really playing me or just looking for a way out. If he is playing a game on me how can I flip the table? Either before or during our meet up again.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

My dear Meeka85, this is my verdict: so far so good! You are doing just fine.

As long as you are not going to freak out and start doing things that will make this guy appear as the ONLY man in the world, everything will just be fine because that will most likely make him to come back to his senses and come back to you assuming he is really all that into you because he will be wondering why you don't want to lower your "price"...

Oh yes. You may not know this but relationships are quite similar to pricing and bargaining whereby your customers are most likely to come back when they start wondering why and what on earth makes your "products" so special that you don't want to lower the price...

You get?

Fine.

Meanwhile, I also suggest you occupy yourself with some other interesting and fun things, ok?

Good Girl.


afdafdsa 4 years ago

What you describe in this article is classic signs of an abuser. If you feel that you need to test a woman to that extent, perhaps you are the one who is insecure and jealous. These are the red flags that sends independent, healthy women running to the nearest exit because these behaviors are indicitive of a toxic personality. Any woman who will succumb to this type of nonsense is either co-dependent, have attachment issues, or the combination of the two. It is sad that you will promote abusive behaviors, as those who have been touched by an abuser know the damage- damage that is usually instilled early in life via child abuse and repeated until she finally learns to value herself. Would you want a man to heed your advice when it comes to your own daughter, mother, or sister? Or would that be too close and personal?

There are consequences for acting this way. Not only do these 'head games' expose other's to PTSD and other mental and physical health problems, but you'll end up alone and/or miserable in the long run. Think before you mess with someone's head. You just might find someone who is better at these games than you are. You may just land yourself someone who is more narcissistic and toxic than yourself, and that is poetic justice.


meeka85 4 years ago

Hi Emmyboy,

The way you explain it with bargaining that does make a lot of sense.

And yes I have been keeping my self entertained with outings and sports.

Next Friday we are suppose to go see a show so, should I wait just wait for him to contact me first and if he doesn't just don't bother I guess? And if he ask about how I am doing whether or not I am seeing anyone what should I say? And do I let him take me home if he offers? And do I give him a hug to end the night?

Thanks

Thanks.


i.c. 4 years ago

How can you say "it's just a game" knowing perfectly well you are hurting another human being? I don't think you realize the consequences for the other person. I think you are sick and you need help for a sadistic personality treatment if you enjoy irritating others.

You are testing her and putting her through bullshit, but she isn't entitled to a warranted reaction? I think it's a perfectly normal reaction for anyone to call him on it, to get him by the balls and call him an asshole, which he is for even thinking he could fuck with your head and get away with it. Please don't be surprised if you get the reaction you deserve.

Because what goes on in my head is roughly this: "2 ppl getting together isn't about you testing me with whatever bullshit you got and then determining how much I "can endure". Haha no, thanks very much for trying to bring artificially crap and pain into my life for own verification/pleasure. I am not here to prove my worth to you and if you even question or try to test my worth I am so out. How dare you try to test me?"

Finally if you are doing it, it surely must mean that you think it's okay if you are treated this way -- that follows logically and automatically. Then don't cry like a little baby when the tables turn around and I fuck with your head and then dump you. You surely understand that it's perfectly within my right to test how much you can "endure" before you seek professional help ;) right? and it's within my right to have fun at your expense. It's just a game remember :) and don't mind when I am hurting you: just smile, be diplomatic, don't object and show me you are strong. Hugs and kisses and have a good time recovering, don't miss me too much and remember: I had fun playing you and you should be happy for me, not be mad! Come on gimme a smile!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Dearest I.C. you are welcome. I still maintain it is a game and if you think or know you can play these types of game with me, I will say again that you are so very much welcome.

Maybe I didn't mention it but one thing you must know is that sometimes when men play these type of games, it is not necessarily because we want to emotionally hurt the woman in question but to actually help in bringing our compatibility to light and in selecting the type of women we want in our lives.

To tell you the truth, nothing will please me more than the knowledge that the girl I am playing my mind games with actually knows what is going on and as such is acting or responding maturely with calmness rather than [over]reacting by blowing her lid!

So if you think you up for it, I'll say bring it on!

But if you happen to be the clingy-sissy type whose heart pound mercilessly with fear any time their men look at another woman because they think he is going to leave them afterwards, then I must warn you that you better reconsider because sometimes, mind games are not for the fainthearted but I think you already know that!

Who knows I might, no, we might get lucky, and you end up as my wifey that is assuming you are a lady and you are not yet taken!

How about that?

Hahahaha!


cybermist 4 years ago

so it started all business like with this guy who is my professor- he would address me by my first name (duh). Days later, we got comfortable talking and usually when we would have serious disagreements over any rocket science concept, he would put "Ms." before my name while addressing me or would simply go like "Dear colleague". And after he would get over himself, he would revert back to my name. Usually i respond back to is mails pronto and sometimes, would even initiate mail conversations, but now i've adopted this i-don't-give-care stance and reply to his mails late or not at all because he was starting to get clingy- sort of. I do like him but didn't want to make that obvious hence, toned down my responses. so in his most recent mail, he addressed me by putting "sister" before my name. Now whatever does that mean?


I.C. 4 years ago

So you toy with someone's emotions to figure out what they're made of? The bad news for you though is that while you toy with their emotions they also figure out what you're made of. So you end up wanting them because you see how they handle it, and because they figure out what you're about then they don't want to have anything to do with you. And that's how the game usually ends...


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Cybermist, I don't exactly know what that means. Maybe he's trying another way of getting your attention or something...

I.C. in case you have not noticed, the game never ends...


Kat 4 years ago

Emmyboy, unfortunately people get truly hurt from mind games. I have been in a relationship with the man I'm seein for 1 year. He started off really nice. Then about 6 months into the relationship his younger brother moved into his home. He did a complete 360 in behavior, began these mind games with me etc. I'm 40 and he's 48. He began the flirting, all of the above. I'm also a veteran of the military and so is he. In 1994 I was attacked in my barracks by a boyfriend who exhibited these same characteristics that he's portraying. It took me years to get to a place where I felt secure in a relationship. This new boyfriend knew about my issue but still continues his charade. I'm currently working on getting out and starting fresh as far as all the survival skills I gained since my 1994 attack. But my question to you and after readin my story, do you still think these mind games are ok?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

I am so touched to hear your story, Kat.

One thing you must know, unless you know what s/he is playing at, you cannot really say if mind games are OK or not.

But like in your own situation whereby he already knows what you've been through, I don't think it is a very good idea for him to start doing what he's doing to you now...

Sorry.


ruffian700 4 years ago

and NEED a man to breath. This may be true in Nigeria, were women are property and baby factories, but in developed countries women have real choices and are even thought of as human beings. Nothing you wrote is enlighting to me or any woman who as any self-worth and an IQ over 100. Sorry if I’ve offended any women who think this article is news and can’t tell if you’re being gamed by a man. Grow the F up and pull your head out.

The games you are playing are designed to keep to an insecure, ignorant female down so she will become your sex toy, punching bag and baby maker all while constantly stroking your ego. The fact that you think this a fun and a good thing is really very sad. Basically you’re an insecure douche bag who needs your ego and dick stroked constantly at the expense of someone who is more insecure than you. Sounds like your mama took you off her tit too soon and it’s payback time for every female you encounter. Good work and congrats to all the fellow douche bags who follow this behavior you’re making the world a better place!


simplysherona 4 years ago

Now Now Ruffian, don't bash Emmy boy, his article is not untrue as many women have proven by posting real life examples, myself included. It its been proven that men have played these mind games so obviously there is some truth here. Secondly, men are men no matter what country you are from. Are you saying you have never had a man play these mind games on you? If so consider yourself lucky. Also women do play mind games to test how much a man will put up with her shenanigans. Is this right or wrong that both men and women play these games, well each is entitled to their own opinion. Personally it think its annoying and really harms a relationship if taken too far, however i am biased when it suits me because i hate games however i have been guilty of playing them at certain points in time of my life. Does is add spice and uncertainty and mystery and raises the level of interest in a relationship, definitely, its a normal human reaction, we are not robots. Whether it is absolutely necessary and ethical, probably not, but the bottom line is that whether we agree or not, games are played in every single country in every single continent its not geographic specific, its human specific.


simplysherona 4 years ago

Also i would like to give props to Emmyboy for actually getting up the nerve to write this article, i am sure it violates "man code".

Any by the way coming from a successful woman (I am a controller and cpa at 37) i don't need a man i choose to be with a man, and every once in a while i fall prey to these stupid games so intelligence and emotional and financial security and freedom of choice has no bearing on deciphering these stupid mindless games. It may take a little bit but eventually i figure it out after i take all of the emotion out of things and look at the situation logically and realize he is playing a game. Emmy boy just speeded up the process for me by identifying all of the games and how its played and how to react if YOU DECIDE YOU WANT TO. Everyone has a choice, you either play along or you get out.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Jeez!

Simplysherona, you have just made my day!

I am so glad that at least, someone out there is still listening...


simplysherona profile image

simplysherona 4 years ago

Your Welcome :}


sapphire 4 years ago

well.. one thing is for sure.. REAL MEN don't do this "mind games" stuff.


simplysherona profile image

simplysherona 4 years ago

Then I have yet to meet a real man!


trusouldj profile image

trusouldj 4 years ago from Indiana

Fascinating stuff. You're dropping "jewels" like a thief with a hole in his pocket.


moonwave 4 years ago

I can't believe a guy like this could even get laid.


Sara 4 years ago

There are two kinds of women in this world. Those that fall for these games and/or find them interesting and those that despise them. I grew up with a ton of guy friends and watched the games they played, testing the girls they dated. I saw them lose a lot of great girls they really liked in a nano second when the girl saw the game. You need to know which kind of woman you are dealing with because many will drop you so fast you'll be left wondering what the hell just happened. I am such a girl and I've had to dump several guys I really, really liked because my attraction and respect for them was killed the second I knew they were testing me. I never made a fuss just refused to ever answer their calls again. I have never met a man worth proving myself to him through his tests. There is no such man. Most guys should be lucky any girl is interested and its usually the insecure, loser types that do this and frankly they just are not worth it. If Ryan Gosling tested me, ok maybe.....lol hate to break it to you most guys are not Ryan Gosling. I think girls who do this crap are just as pitiful too. By the way, these games are sooooo obvious now that you really can see it coming a mile away and Ive had to stop myself from falling over in hysterical amusement when I see it now.


Sara 4 years ago

Oh, yeah also this article reminds me of the Dear Penthouse letters. Facts of life we all know.....Men who call themselves players=no social skills,

Men who say they get laid all the time=no sex life, Men who say they had a threesome=cant satisfy one woman. Its the old "locker room" talk where each guy tries to out bull the others. I think this has been written by a man who got screwed over by a girl once and is desperate to reclaim some itty, bitty power. Unless you are considered extremely physically attractive (not just trying to convince yourself you are) by women, they will usually not care about your tests as their lust for you which clouds their judgement is far, far below what you perceive it as. Again, most guys I talk to seem to feel their attractiveness is high enough to get away with bad ways. You better be crazy, crazy, crazy hot or its going to fail, fast. Same goes for women who act like nutcases because they think their hot enough and they never are. How to know? Is their a crowd of girls clawing at your front door right now? No...there is your answer, friend. Being decent is your only hope!


simplysherona profile image

simplysherona 4 years ago

Great points Sara! You know when i am in that situation it is SO HARD to tell if they are playing games and testing me, but when its a friend, omg i can immediately spot his game.


Nikki 4 years ago

No swag goo! Men who do this have zero confidence in themselves that they have to test to see what you do and react. Disrespect you to see how you react? Let me say it again....disrespect you to see how you react. WACK, LAME! Ladies if a man is using tactics such as these...move on quickly he is insecure.


DTTC 4 years ago

Why does men insist on sex with out even getting to know a woman better? I know they are trying their luck but it drives away a woman who is not into casual sex. Is this a game again? This man is a capricorn man and I am a taurus woman if that is of any help. We hit off so well and then started these mind games after 3 dates. He would have realised I really like him. He started asking for sex and I said not yet. Now we stopped communicating. What to make out of this?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

DTTC, the thing is that men are naturally wired to want to have sex and there's nothing or little you can do about that...

But one thing you should always be aware of is that he might have already started testing you to find how strong your resolve is.

This is because sometimes, when a guy asks for sex, believe it or not, he does it actually want you to say yes.

And if that is the case, you might have gotten yourself a very big plus from him already.

But there is something I think you will have to do. You should let him know that it is not that you don't want to have sex with him. You should just explain to him the reasons why you don't want to have sex with him at the moment.


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

I don't entertain any of these games. If a guy tries to pull this stuff on me, I just ignore it. this all sounds like elementary stuff to me. Men and women are wired differently. If a guy needs reassurance, why can he just ask directly without having to resort to silly mind games. It's just like the jealousy card. It is scientifically proven that when a man tries to get you jealous with another woman, it has nothing to do with him being interested in the other woman. they're just looking for a reaction from you so it's best not to give them any. thanks for sharing!


Lucia1 4 years ago

phahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha !!!!!! I can't stop laughing at some comment you gals put here. You need to apply a little logic to the situation when it comes to men. Every guy you have ever come across, once used to be nice, romantic and then some chick out there came along and took advantage of his kindness. So yes, guys become insecure and you can not blame them. Then that guy goes through a learning experience and starts noticing that girls either finds them boring or stupid. Now, how can you turn around and say that playing mind games is stupid and it's for insecure men???? You girls say you want nice men, you get one and you mess about with them and complain...you get one that plays the game, makes you like him, then yet again you complain !!! Typical women !!!! A guy wants to know that there are girls who are not like other girls...unique...who don't act like a typical chick. Let them test you...keep calm, shut up and enjoy the ride. If you play cool, you've win. But also, you guys need to know that there has to be a balance. Over do it, and you loose. I'm 27 years old myself, got burnt like you wouldn't believe it. But it was a choice I made. I've learned a lot along the way and am glad I did. Just remember that you gotta understand where a guy comes from before you pass judgments on them. Pay attention to the signs, to every word they say. Now some guys do it on purpose...those are the guys that usually are perfectly aware of what you feel for them so they will play big time on that...walk away, cut all contacts, find someone else cuz that guy does not like you...he just goes that way for his own amusement...prolly some bored dude who thinks all chick are the same therefore he thinks they all react the same. But then again gals, 2 can play that game and if you want, got the guts, strength and mental agility to do it...you can. Shockingly enough, you can make him like you...by proving him you're nothing like other girls...confuses the heck out of them but confusion leads to curiosity which leads to a looooot of things that go to your advantage ;)


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Lucia...you know what? You sound like my kind of girl - wise, intelligent and completely aware! How can we meet? I'd really love to talk with you.

Just look at how you simply attempted to summarize this hub for me suggesting that you got the full message.

I like that. Keep it up.


Lucia1 4 years ago

Give me your fb, I'll add you.


Rooikop 4 years ago

What a laugh! Men do not know how to play mind games if they tried. It is just that they are genetically weak minded and cannot control themselves and take it out on a woman. Take out their insecurities, lack of trust, frustrations, inability to communicate, work stress, etc, etc, by acting and doing irritating/irrational things that irritate a woman so much that she questions why we need a MAN. Surely it is better to be lonely than to be with a Mine Game Playing Asshole?????? Who does not even know that is what he is doing as he blames the woman for everything in his life anyway, and Believes It Too...... Us woman want peace and harmony. So Men, go stick your heads up your Asshole as that's what normally comes out your mouth's. And yes, I am married to an asshole too but marriage vows are sacred, so now I am frustrated.


Tori 4 years ago

I think your hub is pretty interesting for the most part. I guess I see playing mind games if you are genuinely trying to see if that woman or man is worthy enough for you because you are really interested as well...that makes sense. But I must say, I feel you may risk losing someone amazing who is not willing to play silly games for whatever reasons.

I am a more serious than joking person...so with that being said, I understand your take on playing mind games, however...its not cool to play with people's feelings like that regardless. Why not just genuinely try getting to know a woman or man to figure out the things you are trying to "test"...I personally like that approach better. Playing games are to win or lose...peoples feelings/emotions, etc. should not be at jeopardy of that.

Also, too purely just be doing it for "FUN" is ridiculous and absolutely wrong...for men and women who do it. I just don't think its coo to do that to someone who is interested in you and they play mind games for their own excitement and pleasure...that's really sick.

This was definitely an interesting read though, thanks!!!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 4 years ago from Nigeria Author

Lucia, just search for the name Nick Carter or better still search with this email address - realistica2008@yahoo.com on Facebook and you will find me!

I'm already looking forward to our friendship!


hezel 4 years ago

i am worried because of these mind gaming to females i have a boyfriend who is married and i think he is doing the same he left and said nothing when i tried to contact him he ignores my phone and i have tried everything and is not working i love him very much but now i have told myself to leave him even if its difficult i know longer phoning him.


suwanna puttapiwat 4 years ago

Then, where is the sincere heart ?


lisawisdom123 4 years ago

Men: Don't do THIS, it's silly and show's you lack in the area of being a male not a man. I had this done to me and I got the fool back in return big time. I feel you should never play with a person heart, by claiming messing with their heads, that's the reason he's acting out heart issues. It's OK to guard your heart with kindness, you are truly growing. EXAMPLE. I knew this guy was up to no good so I decided to keep it as just friends. A women with integrity is hard to "fool." when you are taught to value you as a person. He decide to ask me to join him at this Club in Atlanta. I attended, with nothing but friendship in my heart and mind. He payed my way inside the club but once inside he started to act like a "male." for what reason. No sex or relateship would ever be added. I make that very clear early on over the phone. I knew off rip he had deep rooted issues. Talk it falls out. I had deep rooted issues after my mother passed away so I did understand. He started talking to others girls, who cares! and being very rude...I tried to get him to calm down by rubbing his back and he pulls away from me. I thought to myself, he"s beyond stupid so I left him by himself. I went dancing, drinking and going to the restroom as he watched my every move. He stood off in the distance filtered in his own stupidity. I'm in a club playa, I refuse to allow him to ruin my night. Can you believe he had all out heart to ask me while standing near him for about 5 seconds before I left him once again. I quote"ARE YOU GOING HOME WITH ME TONIGHT?......SURE I responded, what?...I thinking by now he's crazy. He even waited by the restroom for the first time that evening after I agreed to accompany him back to his place. As I stepped out the restroom I walked right pass him to the Club's front door. I had already enjoyed my night without him, even others guys in the club decided to danced with me, they saw he was acting belated, of course he grabbed my arm and I pulled away from him this time in front of a club now packed with people. I walked right out the front door. Issues a person act out foolishly when they are SUPER GROWN,you starts to kinda look like a retard. Ladies: love self enough to know, when your dealing with a fool. Trick or for kids. HE WAS SUPER GROWN. He was 36yrs old. I never called him unless he called me BEFORE going out together. I happily allow the man to make the first moves, most times I too to busy working, college and starting up my own Business in the first place to call all the time. Career Women, work hard so fun without drama is a plus, anything else is a HUGE TURN OFF. I was already turn off over the phone conversing with him for many hours. I knew it either was going to work out to be a true friend or a quick dismissal. I knew in my heart it were coming sooner or later. His heart couldn't even handle being a true friend. You damage goods..."sad." I never called or answered his calls again. Life is too long, to be stuck with a guy with issues. Stay single, that's how you heal, space and time. Don't bring others person into your BS. That makes an individual seem totally sick. I never dated a guy with issues, so alot of things were surprising to witness for a human begin.... how cold we can be to one another, when we all have bad moments in our life's. What men has a God giving right to use it to abuse you. U stupid...period. I call this the "I'm f***king myself mentality. Love is beautiful, it sad how we as humans waste time,playing with our own minds. I were a non-judgmental blessing and he toss it back into the winds. Oh well, his lost!...."HUGE KOOL-AID SMILE.".....BACK TO WORK!...a remember ladies. It's OK to allow a guy to lead, he call one time in a week. I did the same, it's only being fair to yourself. If he didn't call he didn't hear from me either. If he learned nothing else, he knows he lost a true friend. What's worth losing a friend for to play a game that no one wins, and with any game you play, it's will always be a loser. Be smart and take care of you.


Sir Hand-Table 4 years ago

This all makes sense. I've always been rlly good at mind games (literally, i dont even have to try) and have never been sure if i should jst go die in a hole because of it, be proud of it, or accept it an move on. I've only lost one person as a direct result of mind games an ive learned to control it since then. so you cant say its some horrible, evil, disgusting thing that ur simply a natural at playing mind games. im a good guy, even though im not ur average picture-perfect, ideal bf material every girl wants. I have to say, however, that not ALL of this is 100% true, probably changes from person-to-person. im still rlly glad to have found this though!


Britt 3 years ago

I would become a straight up lesbian and never look a guy's way again before I would put up with this bullshit. What about my feelings? What about my voice? What about him proving his faithfulness, loyalty, trustworthiness, ability to communicate, be emotionally vulnerable, etc.? I think this describes immature, unhealthy "boys" who do not know what they want. There are some guys out there that do not pull this shit. If I am wrong, then my next date will be with a girl, and in the mean time, many guys will miss out on a fulfilling relationship with an intelligent girl. I have two words for men. GROW UP.


Neha 3 years ago

I was married to a highly insecure man for a year. He was manipulative and controlling. When I decided to assert my rights to a normal life, he asked for divorce. However I was not prepared for a divorce yet, so one day he packed his bags and desserted me.

My question is- what should I expect from him? Will he come back to the marriage? Or will he follow thru with the divorce? .... I am very confused and I hope to find an answer here... please help...


Khaja28 3 years ago

Hi tell me one thing.. A mate started to talk to a guy online via facebook and they got talking for about a month. basically this guy has expressed so much interest in her and has already discussed so much of what he would like to see happen for the future etc.. Now here is the thing the guy is currently on deployment and therefore they are sort of having a long distance relationship thing but they plan on meeting in person next year sometime. Here is the issue he usually communicates with her via facebook and yahoo but apparently can't video call or skype her due to restriction at the Military base. The tricky part comes.. his asked her to call him so in order to do this she has to pay to some connection line.. However because the amount is too pricy like$100 to connect she refused to do so.. since then his gone bit distant and saying to her she don't trust him and now been doing all of the above tricks you mentioned.. Do you think he playing her or he for real? Help she doesn't know what to do... Nice post by the way.


ohhhplz 3 years ago

I am purposely leaving out certain information for the sake of this person and persons that has played these mind games with me and what i have observe. Inadequacy, insecurity, pride, childish behavior, immaturity and chaos. This person met me when i was at similar places in my life. Either be predator or be victim was my mindset eventually. I thought i would win and has won many but karma came back and kicked me in the assss. Because of Universal laws these ppl will always run into each other until one or the other does some serious self examination and stop repeating the same self defeating behavior. It is an abusive behavior. I equate it as an evil force that continues to destroy relationships and the character of the predator itself. And eventually destroying them. The predator really never trusts the victim bc secretly he/she thinks if there playing this game the victim may be playing it also. In a nutshell making one hateful, disrespectful, passive aggressive angry relationship . I watched everything crash around these players lives like a curse(literally) Like a pimp walking in his 1970's suite pimp limping with no hoes (but he has his pride) and instead of learning he says i'll get more hoes. I watched the personality of the victim and victimizers deteriorate. I watched eventually someone walks away and neither of the two persons came out on top with out needing therapy. I watched literal insanity from the predators themselves. Now this is not here-say arguing the views this is me seeing the results first hand over an extended period of time. Matter of fact it took longer to recover emotionally when i was the predator. When I was a victim i have yet to see my predator recover. I've watched man/woman playing the game fall in love with the victim's patience and love. but eventual there was too much bad blood. and nooo he/she didn't dump him/her when they failed the test they rarely do. It only happened when he/she had someone else on the line like a wife/husband or wanted gain. At the end of the day the player who didn't spend the time to do self examination or face reality and deal with what he/she was running from (accountability for there part and why previous relationships went wrong). They were doomed to repeat the life TEST him/herself. Till they took responsibility and be real and honest with themselves. Forgive predator and themselves and move on.


Manya 3 years ago

one thing these so called players should understand that they better test their rotten mind to satisfy their false pride not girls.


Amster 3 years ago

Little tip: turn off the sound/vibrate on your phone. You will quickly weary of searching it for messages, and form the habit of focusing on worthy tasks. Congratulations! You are now a 'free spirit' too! friend.


nana 3 years ago

I think these games are disgusting.......... I hate these sorts of men!


Nana 3 years ago

This article outlines emotional abuse from a man. These are not jut mind games, but strategic forms of control. If you experience this, run!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

Nana, I like what you said. You are 100% entitled to your opinion.


shadybabe 3 years ago

Came across your post and i must say, this post completely changed me in a matter of seconds. I never knew men were like this and play mind games on women just to test her strength, patience etc.... Am so grately for this post, this post has made me realise i can actually have a successful relationship. God bless who wrote this post.


shadybabe 3 years ago

Saw some other comments saying they hate mind games and would dump the guy if he starts playing mind games. Emmy said its just a game, its either you play or you dont which i agree with him. I believe if you really love your man and want to be with him, you would play along with him.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

Thank you so much Shadybabe for your nice words. It's encouraging to know that someone got the message.

If you really learn how not to over react to any of his mind gaming antics, believe me, your man will have one or two reasons to always appreciate you.

Shadybabe? What a remarkable name you've got there!


vibesites profile image

vibesites 3 years ago from United States

Hah! Now I know!!!! Thanks for sharing, these are very informative. I should keep that as a reference. *wink*

Up and useful/interesting. :)


josephbarrett profile image

josephbarrett 3 years ago from South Carolina

Hey Emmy,

This hub is really great and so true. This is not the trend of new generation, all these mind games are running with the time and every generation. But now, mostly youngsters use these games to play with girl's mind.


Aldrex 3 years ago

These are not mind games, this is just males trying to control females. It's called emotional abuse and it is wrong! HOWEVER;

My advice to woman out there to prevent this kind of abuse is to turn it onto them, play them at there own game. Males will crumble much much quicker then females when played at their own game cos females are built to endure.


TheEndlessTrip 3 years ago

Hmm .. Mind games/abusive manipulator ... its a thin line! I just want to say to anyone who finds themselves in a relationship with somebody who treats them like this, either male or female to run, run far away from this person and dont look back! They have no respect for you, they are an abusive partner who just want to control and manipulate you. If your in a relationship with somebody you want to care, respect and love that person, you want to be loved, cared about and respected in return... Does this list sound like care, love or respect? .. this is not mentally ok, somebody who treats their partner like this has allot of issues with themselves that they need to work through before they can have any sort of healthy relationship.

Is being in a relationship so much more important to you than your own self worth that you would really put up with treatment like this?

You are no better nor worse than anybody else, we are all equals and deserve to be treated as such! A person who treats another person like this is NOT mentally stable and really should try and get the professional help they need before they hurt and abuse more vulnerable victims. I feel very sorry for anybody who only knows how to have this sort of relationship. Very sad!


Anonymous 3 years ago

Yeah had a thing going with this girl (who's been hurt before n stuff) talked online n before meeting, she cancelled the date. Says she wanted me but was always busy at weekends. Never texts 1st. Talked about her exs. Told me she's friends with one of them. Posts guys pics on her fb. Turned round and she said she doesn't want a bf then changed a fb status to in a relationship a week after. Her head's screwed on backwards. It's hard, but i'm gonna have to run! Women you aren't related to are all evil.


Veronica 3 years ago

Guys playing minds games, they are the ones that are trying to protect themselves because they have been hurt in the past. They will never be happy if they don't start trusting a genuine heart. Their mind games will keep going in circles, until they finally fall head over heals for a girl. Who in the end won't want anything to do with him. I'm gonna say one simple thing, what sort of Gentleman will play with any girls heart...


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

A must read for all the single ladies on the prowl. lol. voted up useful!


ConfusedChick 3 years ago

WOW. All I can say about this...it's quite surprising! I guess it really is a game -- whether we choose to play or not! Can you check out what I'm going through? I am so torn right now...I would really appreciate your advice.

So I am in my early 30s and I am really into this guy who is almost 10 years older than me. We've known each other through work, but that was over 5 years ago and it was strictly professional. We've been expressing interest in one another and I am really torn right now on if I should continue to seek him out or just let this one go. This guy, from my observations is a very respectable man. He is divorced (been for almost 10 years now) and really takes care of his children. He loves his Mom very much and his Aunts and his looked up to in his family. His co-workers love him, etc. He said he got divorced because of so much disrespect from his ex-wife. Whom he is still cordial with BTW, for the sake of his kids..I know they're not doing anything.

I guess the part I'm attracted to as far as he goes is that he is responsible and really seems to be just a really nice guy. I see a lot of qualities in him that I'd want in a husband. BTW, I am also divorced (6 yrs ago) and have young children.

We only contacted each other a couple of times in the 5 year period and about 6 months ago, we reconnected. Well, another thing is in this getting to know each other again, I told him I've been celibate for 5 years and that I don't believe in shacking up or going out with someone for like 2-3 years and having that not go anywhere...where it would be a waste of time and energy.

In the beginning it was like he was really heavy on the pursuit, but gradually it started dying down. First he said, "I don't want to be a bugaboo so that's why I touch base every 2-3 days or so." He then added, "I don't mean to be distant..but I do think of you often." Then he'll say something to the effect of he helps his grandmother and grandfather (has health probs), etc. Then there's this, "with work and the crew (his kids), it seems like there's no time.." Meaning no time to communicate because he says when we're always both in the middle of something. But I always figured, that if you really wanted something to happen, you'd make it happen.

I feel...so dumb right now for letting my guard down with him. He will say things like, "I wish you were lying down on my chest" wanting to cuddle but says he won't take it anywhere unless I want to.."I'm going with your flow"

So I am battling this in my mind...it's like my heart wants to give it to him, but my brain is telling me to be very cautious and wait it out. I've been praying for God to show me who this man really is, although I really want to believe he is a good guy. We have some mutual friends, but they don't know that we're interested in each other.

It also seems like based on his FB that he's a man in demand. A lot of women gawk over him. He calls me "his baby" "babe" , etc. But when I post a comment on his FB he will just reply to me by my first name. I've also observed he'll use the term "babe" on other women and compliment on their pics. But if I'm supposed to be his "baby" then why does he say that?

We have not had that "talk" but I deeply feel like I need to discuss it with him before anything physical goes down.

The other day he said to me "you're a good girl" and he'll send me texts, "I'm thinking about you, etc." but if he's really thinking about me in THAT way, wouldn't he make it known?

I don't want my self-esteem to go dwindling down from insecurities because I'm now having to wonder when I'll hear from him again. I know what it's like to be pursued, and it seems like he was doing that in the beginning and it has died down considerably. He'll be in contact a few times a week but it feels like just to see if I'm still there......sometimes though I feel like he is stringing me along. I told him I want him to be honest and that if his mind changes, he should tell me.

I respect him and numerous times he told me he respects me, and I hate having doubt. I really like this man. I can't stop thinking about him. He says, "you just dont know what thoughts run through my mind about you." That I know is not strictly sexual but I'm thinking maybe he is thinking about a future with me.

If I sleep with him, from a man's point of view, would I be lowering my value? Some people are like do the "test drive" but I'm like I don't know if I could do it without a commitment. I've never done that before. This man would be the 2nd guy I've ever slept with.

This is what I'm looking for as far as my life goes, an exclusively monogamous relationship, long term, perhaps marriage. My life though...I don't want to put pressure on him, but I'd like for him to know this.

He says he takes me serious and does not take my abstinence from sex lightly, but lately I've not been feeling this.

He also says and has said, "I'll do better" "I said I'd do better, and I will." but now I feel he's being too comfortable.

Should I proceed...please I am looking for your advice and please don't sugar coat. I need as much insight as I can get. It took years for me to heal from my past marriage and told myself I would not get into anything with anyone unless I am healed because it wouldn't be fair to the next man.

I'm just an overall "good girl". Haven't been really dating in the meantime and am focused on getting my master's, taking care of my kids (without help of biological dad), don't go to clubs, drink, smoke, etc.

I'e been told by a male friend that I need to be careful because it is hard to get up again the second time around when it comes to another heartbreak. I don't want to waste my time..I mean I've got 2 young children and I really need someone who is willing to step up to the plate and really come WITH it, or don't come at all.

What do you all wise men think?

I'm looking forward to your responses.

Thank you so much.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

@Anonymous, you better get a grip on yourself and start acting up like a Gee. I don't like the way you sound when you say that women you are not related to are evil. Sounds wimpy, in fact, too wimpy and wussy if you ask me.

@lovedoctor, I love the way you put it - 'single ladies on the prowl'. You just wait until I come out with my next novel where I will try to explain it better to all my single ladies on the prowwwl! Thanks for reading and commenting and sharing, hopefully? I appreciate.

@ConfusedChick, for someone who is able to compose such a well structured and straightforward message, your agitated state of mind notwithstanding, I must say you really impressed me.

But, I must add that you may have missed the one lesson of this hub which is to never overreact!

Compose yourself now and back off a little for a while. Your man might be in high demand and your desperate actions will only push him further away from you.

If you can get a grip on your emotions right now and stop worrying about why he's flirting with the other girls and not calling you your special name as his main baby or whether he's ever going to propose, you will make him to start wondering why you are no longer worrying, most especially if he's really into you.

Next thing you know, he's running back to you and he's all yours and you can then sleep with him as much as both of you want!

I will also love to hear what other wise men and women think.


ConfusedChick 3 years ago

Hi! :-) Well, I've never expressed the thoughts I've written here, to him. He doesn't even know it bothers me. I play it cool. But I do see it! Sometimes he posts really nice and presentable pics of him and as usual, the ladies gawk at him. Most of the time I don't even "like" it or comment. I don't initiate contact a lot like I have in the past. I want to truly feel he is genuine about me...he usually responds to texts within 20 min and almost always picks up the phone when I call. So I feel those are good things, but I still feel like he's not fully interested...holding something back. Do I think he's having sex with other women...of course! I know. They must have some kind of understanding, because I have not seen any women over react on his FB. I will pull back and let him do the work, but I just don't want to end up getting hurt. Thanks so much for your insight.


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Hi Emmyboy, I came back to revisit. Your advice to confused chick is awesome! It's good to hear a man's perspective on dating, love and relationships. you're right, the push and pull technique works like a charm. Looking forward to reading your novel as well as your hubs.


ConfusedChick 3 years ago

How exactly should I "push and pull" ?


Not this one 3 years ago

Thank you for putting this information out there for other girls to see. I said "girls" because until a girl emotionally and intellectually matures into a woman and accepts this type of insecurity, immaturity from boys, the game will never cease.

I have had several guys play this game to me and I admit, when I was very young, I played into it. These boys triggered my own insecurity and hence, I played into their game like putty. But I wised up. I slowly learned that these "games" that were being played on me were just to "test" my fidelity, my self-respect, my dignity, my love, my loyalty, all of my good qualities I hold near and dear. The last man that played this game on me was over a decade ago and when he started, I calmly told him that I'm not going to play into his insecurity and have a nice life. I started dating another man the next weekend while this boy I just broke off with was relentlessly chasing me.

Did I like the chase? Oh hell yes! Was that the result I wanted? NO. I wanted him to disappear and have a good life. I was done with him. When I come to a conclusion, I mean it and do it. I mean serious business when I give my heart to someone and I ensure that man will treat my heart the way I treat it, with love and respect. There's no second chances with me once you screw up. What his game playing showed me is that he's insecure and I couldn't trust him enough to remain loyal, faithful and worthy when a temptation is presented to him and for him to reject that temptation. What his game playing told me is that he doesn't find me a gem, a treasure, a woman who is none like other and that he is so lucky to have a woman with substance, secure within herself, holds her self as dignified, faithful, intelligent, and all the good qualities supposedly men are looking for. And what his game playing told me is that he was only in this for the short haul...

Listen girls, love is not instant. Real love is not "love at first sight" That's lust. That's infatuation. Real love grows. It may sound cliché, but have you ever seen a flower that instantly pops in and show all of its glory for you to enjoy? No. It grew. It was a small plant that needed to be watered. It needed to have sunshine, nurtured, loved until one day, it blossoms into something so beautiful that most would want that flower. It didn't happen overnight. It didn't need to played on. It didn't need to be chased. Most of us know what flowers needed and most of us know what "real" love needs in order to blossom.

Do yourself a favor and do your own self searching "alone" and find out what it is your really want in a man, love and relationship no matter how long it takes. Don't go into a relationship because you're lonely. Go into a relationship when you're ready.

Arm yourself with dignity, self-respect, intelligence and I'm not just talking about academics. Put your own self in a pedestal and don't wait or look for another man to put you in that position. But also be kind about it. Don't be rude about it. There's nothing more unattractive than a rude, self-centered woman who is artificially trying to tell the world that she's worthy. It's just as superficial as the types of boys that plays these insecurity games. Real self-respect comes from within. It immediately shows the world that you love yourself and will not tolerate anybody who will try to deviate you from your own self-worth and work. Boys will try, but real men will appreciate and celebrate that part of a woman.

Once you attain this self-worth, the ball will never in the boy's court.


Frick 3 years ago

If you want a relationship of control, dominance and abuse then this is a good way to go about it. None of this ever lasts, these games are immature and pathetic and reveal a sad and insecure soul. When you all figure this out you will wonder why you wasted so much time on losers when you could have been happy. Then again if this is what you want then you're a damaged individual as well so it might feel right. For a little while


Binah 3 years ago

yea...this has nothing to do with being a player...this has more to do with the sick individuals in society more commonly known as "Sociopaths" or "Psychopaths". Normal, empathic caring individuals (that include males) don't behave this way. The only problem is, people, and the women you speak of, don't realize that human beings could be so sick and twisted and evil. But thankfully, some of us do. And sometimes we DO need to be rude about it! Because guys are far too pushy sometimes. We have every right to protect ourselves. One bad relationship can mess you up for a lifetime psychologically, and psychologically fking with and manipulating women is exactly what this post is about. You are speaking of targeting an "emotionally weak" woman. This WOMAN only knows compassion and love and caring and you say that is a weakness? LOL! That's exactly how a Sociopath views their victims. Hunter and prey. Disgusting. Your actions are never free. You will have to pay for them at some point. So keep that in mind the next time you are on the prowl with the sole focus of ruining some beautiful innocent woman who is willing to love you.


LH74 3 years ago

You are repulsive and I agree with the previous response: Sociopath!!! Karma is going to deal you a hand someday.


3 years ago

Great Hub. Don't pay attention to the haters, they haven't been around enough to appreciate candor.


Violin 3 years ago

i.c.

I love you! You so eloquently spoke my mind!!!!

Emmyboy.......you do have issues, I wish you luck in finding yourself a "sub".

Here is i.c.'s message.........

i.c. 7 months ago

How can you say "it's just a game" knowing perfectly well you are hurting another human being? I don't think you realize the consequences for the other person. I think you are sick and you need help for a sadistic personality treatment if you enjoy irritating others.

You are testing her and putting her through bullshit, but she isn't entitled to a warranted reaction? I think it's a perfectly normal reaction for anyone to call him on it, to get him by the balls and call him an asshole, which he is for even thinking he could fuck with your head and get away with it. Please don't be surprised if you get the reaction you deserve.

Because what goes on in my head is roughly this: "2 ppl getting together isn't about you testing me with whatever bullshit you got and then determining how much I "can endure". Haha no, thanks very much for trying to bring artificially crap and pain into my life for own verification/pleasure. I am not here to prove my worth to you and if you even question or try to test my worth I am so out. How dare you try to test me?"

Finally if you are doing it, it surely must mean that you think it's okay if you are treated this way -- that follows logically and automatically. Then don't cry like a little baby when the tables turn around and I fuck with your head and then dump you. You surely understand that it's perfectly within my right to test how much you can "endure" before you seek professional help ;) right? and it's within my right to have fun at your expense. It's just a game remember :) and don't mind when I am hurting you: just smile, be diplomatic, don't object and show me you are strong. Hugs and kisses and have a good time recovering, don't miss me too much and remember: I had fun playing you and you should be happy for me, not be mad! Come on gimme a smile!


Diagree 3 years ago

Howdy! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group? There's a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Thanks make your pc fast


Anonymous123 3 years ago

I'm really in a confused state of mind at the moment! I'm seeing this guy at the moment but its very early stages. I've known him roughly about a month and a half. He was consistent in contacting me at the start with meeting up but now it seems that he's playing mind games. We planned to meet up this weekend to go out. And he said he'll let me know in advance...but he didn't, he let me know on the day late at night and he made it sound like he got a better offer! The thing is i know there's chemistry between us but i just can't deal with the mind games.

I don't really understand where the mind games have come from. I've never been clingy nor possesive towards a guy. I'm very independent and honest which doesn't make sense to me where the mind games have come from? It's as if he wants it to be on "his terms" now not considering that i may have a life to! I don't know what to do.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

Hey...Anonymous, hold it there will you?

Everything ain't mind game. Have you called him? Do you know if he's okay or something? If you start seeing everything your man does to you from the mind game perspective, you will soon be overworked!

You guys just dated for one month or so and you are already sounding like this? You must really like him to be this...this...clingy!

Take it easy. Take control of yourself. If he's playing mind games, he'll soon get tired and crawl back to you if the chemistry is there.

Okay? Be a good girl.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

No problem Diagree, you can always point them here, alright?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

Violin you are so welcome. Remember, you are completely entitled to your own opinion. It is a free world!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

No male? Hmm...


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

Karma? Sociopath, you say?

I wonder which one is easier, abusing the messenger or making use of the information my getting wiser?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 years ago from Nigeria Author

You are welcome.

Thank you for the views you freely expressed here.

I hope they are listening.


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

This is an excellent hub. I agree with your points. The key is to observe them. Eventually, you will be able to see through their facade. A guy who is a player is only interested in having sex and at his convenience with no interest in having a relationship. Second, he's always too busy. When a guy really likes you, he will find the time. He's hardly ever around on weekends & holidays and when he doesn't call you is because there are other queens in the castle. A smart woman can spot the signs.


LAVenus 3 years ago

This is a great article. After some (painful) experiences, I have learned to identify the true players. Now, I can spot them 10 miles away, and I make sure to have fun with them. They're doing the same to me, why should I not enjoy the ride and get what I can from them? I recently met a guy through an online dating site. Just from reading his profile, I knew exactly the type of guy he was (a player!). He reached out to me, we went on a date and hit it off. What really solidified my theory about him was that he wanted to get intimate after the second date. DEAL BREAKER! I didn't give in. Needless to say, he wined and dined me for about a month. He even wanted me to go with him on a business trip and bought me clothes one time we went shopping. Of course, I accepted everything! It was fun. He would tell me sweet nothings early on, and I would pretend I was being swooped off of my feet, which I can tell freaked him out a bit because he thought I was falling for it/him. Needless to say (and as expected), we're not dating anymore. He went MIA, which I was fine with and didn't surprise me. Afterall, I was dating someone else I was a lot more interested in this whole time!

Ladies, spot out the players, and when you do, have fun with it if you're able to not emotionally attach yourself to them. ;)


Someone 3 years ago

Hi, I found your post very informative and helpful. I have experienced mind games and seduction games with several european men and it seems to me as if it is quite common there.

But I have recently experienced the sickest mind games ever from an Italian dude, which I try to give the excuse that Italians might go to extreme in their jokes and games. But after five months of mind games, when I realized the whole confusion he tried to create, I was in so uch shock and literally went sick and couldn't eat or speak for two weeks, the shock and fear he created in me was huge. After much research on the internet, I tried to convince myself that he might just be using some confusion technique and that his threats are not real.

But long story short, at the beginning I though this guy was on seduction game, I indirectly said NO but restricting the channels to continue. Then, it grew to hypnosis approach using suggestion, repetion and fear. He used many of the examples you brought up. I feel almost sick and shock to how far he went with the gam after all my ignorance to jealousy, ignorance, and disinterest in sex and the flattery and inetest on the other hand. He created doubt and suspicion. I feel he is using a lot of indirect hypnosis techniques of Milton Erickson. The confusion is that of two: on one hand he wants me on the other hand he threats me. I dunno if the threat is real or he is making it up just so that he I think this kind of threat cannot be true and think that he wants me. However, everynow and the the terror haunts me back and so much regret I was flexible and didn't directly say NO to his games, the further it went, the worst it got. I always wondr how people could be so cold to play such kind of games, at the ame time, I think if it was a game or the threats are ever. I think this fear will haunt me forever.


Sarah ss45 3 years ago

Hi Emmyboy!


cmor 3 years ago

Very good information, but sad. I dated someone like this and dumped him. Guess who cried when I changed my phone numbers? He did! Guess who still drives past my house after nine months? He does. Jerk. Men like this are extremely immature, extremely insecure and lack healthy social skills and self esteem. So sad, that they have to act like boys and not like a real man. I just started dating a new "man". What a difference! He's a man, not a boy!


Beenthere 3 years ago

I have expierenced 2 men like you talk about in this hub..my x fiancé who played these cruel mind games to keep me feeling down & insecure only because my confidence & high self esteem was a threat 2 him! he was the one w the low self esteem..we r now broken up for almost a yr due to his infidelity after I finally wasn't goin to change or breakdown anymore & figured out his "game." I am recently seeing a man who has been burned himself & shows all the signs of protecting his heart & the latest is testing me as your spoke in your hub.. this "game" I dont have a problem w because hes only trying to see where I stand.. I played it cool cuz I get where its coming from, I think trust & respect is earned thru time & honsty.Im hoping to take it slow & our great chemistry will turn into Love! Patients will be a challenge 4 me but I think its worth the wait! I am putting my heart on the line 2 being burned myself last year but if you dont take the chance you'll never know!


efg 3 years ago

Posted a comment 1.5 year ago about a player playing the field. Haha I kind of noticed that they come back every 6 months, searching for some kind of approval/clarification. Just like men who are dumped and look for ways to sleep with you just one more time (and then run away).


Tang2000 3 years ago

Women (and men who get hooked into these games) please stay away from these people. The best you can hope for, and the SCARIEST, is you end up marrying him/her and then you are stuck with an abusive mate, possibly even a narcissist or sociopath, who will make your life hell and destroy your children until you get out (divorce). Does that sound fun! These people have a personality disorder, which is impossible to treat. Your life is worth so much more than making it a living hell of dysfunction and pain. This is the stuff that makes our world worse. Why? Not sure who would find this interesting. Art, music, learning, helping others, developing fun and nurturing relationships, etc. is interesting. This is low-main, animal behavior. Seriously, could you see Einstein sitting around wasting his time with this nonsense?


Unique 3 years ago

I have experienced this as well, and I can tell you that it is not fun. Yes, I can tell you that I used to overreact because it does truly hurt but I have come to realize he has issues in his life and is insecure and has a low self-esteem. Truth is that I knew all along that he has issues and I stick by him in order to change him (I know it sounds dumb) because I care for him and love him. He will be great for a month or two, then stop communicating, after I start communication with him (he has these highs where he believes he can have any woman he wants), then he gets rejected and insecure and will crawl back. Being too nice and caring, I always accept him back in my life and to take care of him. We have known each other for more than 4 years and he still does not trust me (says he does not trust anyone,e specially women). He never talks about his past relationship but has a very negative view of women. Whatever I do, he will still find a way to show I don't care. Honestly, playing games is how men will lose the woman who truly cares for them and loves them. It hurts to be treated in that fashion...


Kate 3 years ago

Everything you describe doing in this article is straight forward mental/emotional abuse. It sickens me that anyone would think this is some kind of fun game. Ladies, if your significant other is doing this to you then you need to cut him loose immediately. You are a human being who is worth of respect and consideration, you are not a toy who exists to be played with and manipulated by men. Anyone who is trying to control you through emotional manipulation is abusive, and will never be a loving and stable partner.


Gamez 3 years ago

I hate them. I don't like playing them, but I will try the don't react stuff you said.


tiredgms 3 years ago

what if the person you are married to plays these games.


stupidpost 3 years ago

Surely, you must be one of these boys who play games.


abell 3 years ago

I gotta hand it to ya Emmy …this article was on point. I genuinely appreciate the incite… when reflecting on my own experiences, it clarifies and solidifies a hell-of-a-lot.

Let me just say this, as much as I understand and can’t knock the the game for those who play it, speaking from someone who both played and was played, there is nothing more liberating than straight up straight talk.

Being honest firstly with ME was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

1. I had to admit that my tolerance to my guys games was simply because I was afraid to loose him/ let him go completely. Had to learn to get over that and realize that was an insecurity on my part that attracted a guy who picked up on it. This is called knowing your worth.

2. I had to swallow my pride and admit that I did have deeper feelings for him than what I thought and admit that he hurt me. It’s like admitting that you lost the game of poker.

Anyway, for the ladies who read this article and FINALLY understand why their man is doing what he’s doing and are still willing to continue to put up with it… I believe may have to learn life’s lessons on their own. I wish you well on your journey towards wisdom and encourage you to bestow any positive lessons upon more young ladies that may need your advice in the future.

Being honest with my guy was the second hardest thing.

Now… after growing through my challenges, what I like to do now is to call guys out on their “game.” Not in a mean way…sometimes it can actually be fun because it catches the other person off guard and you both get a chance to laugh about it... if they have a good personality. At bare minimum it presents you to the other person as smart, honest and REAL.

So, yes, in retrospect, I did play the game once with a guy… well… I might add, but playing the game did not change a blessed thing in the long run. It only kept his inconsistent butt around longer than I should have allowed trying to find new ways to get into my head. Yea there’s a lil stroke to the ego when you got they guy chasing after you or begging to give him a second chance, however, ACTIONS ALWAYS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!

If I were to feel the need to play a game with a guy than I have no business being with him because I clearly have some thaangs I need to address with #1 before I try to incorporate anyone else to the equation.

In my case, someone who plays mind games or manipulates you/ tries to get in your head is not sincere... there may be a strong “Like” or “Lust” but, it’s not sincere love.

Ladies, I challenge you, CALL HIM OUT ON HIS GAME… don’t be afraid to stand for yourself! I’ll bet many of you will learn that you have more control of the situation than you think that you do, and you never know what may come of the situation after you say what you need to say and TALK STRAIGHT!! =)


Unspecified 3 years ago

I ran across this article by accident and I must say, I am somewhat offended. I'm sure you hear that a lot, this being the internet and all, but hear me out. I think the worst part about these ideas are twofold: the general casual air about the mind games, and the misconception of the concept of trust.

First off, the men who play these mind games presume to know how a woman's mind works. They don't. In fact, no one really knows how anyone works. Second, women are creatures of emotion. That doesn't make them devoid of logic or erratic and unreasonable, but it does mean that anything a man does in playing with a woman's mind is going to affect her emotionally in ways he can't really predict. Any time he toys with her emotional state, assuming she is for real, the negative emotional repercussions can be downright painful -- and if any man is willing to put any woman through that, he either does not understand how she feels or does not care or respect her enough as a human being.

And then we come to the issue of trust. You claim that men use these mind games to gain trust in women, but that just shows a complete lack of knowledge on the idea of trust. Trust is a bit like hope -- it doesn't work if you can predict the consequences. Trust is not about knowing that someone won't let you down, it's about believing it. As well, it is not a logical concept, it is an emotional concept. The men you are referring to are attempting to use a logical means to an emotional end, and that just doesn't work. In addition, these same men are, by playing these mind games, violating the trust that women put in them. Women trust men *not* to toy with their emotions under any circumstances, because it truly can be painful if the women are really committed.

In short, your article makes it very difficult for me to discern between your point of view and that of the men you are describing. All the same, I believe your casual take on mind games and caution for women not to over-react to be somewhat unreasonable, seeing that the men playing these games are actually violating the trust they are (apparently) trying to build. At the same time, by doing this they are either uneducated as to how women work, or they don't respect and care about them enough to be in any kind of relationship at all.


Ryan Gulla 3 years ago

Honestly I think every site like this should be removed off of the internet cause that's why the world has a guy like me who hates women for this reason. Which is mind games.


Silverlady 3 years ago

Emmyboy. Wise wise words. No not because I believe in mind games but because when there are men and women and relationships, there will be mind games and I think the message you are putting across is learn how to deal with it. Stay in the boxing ring, get out of the boxing ring, your choice. But the only problem is when emotional attachment is involved all logic and rationale goes out the window. Usually the mind games begin after the infatuation period and when you have been sucked in and that is when you are most vulnerable and inclined to panic at the least sign of a change in behaviour. I speak compassionately. I had been involved with this guy for quite a long time, such a lovely guy but so hurt from previous relationships. I think he could not figure me out. I was normal, no hysterics, blowing his phone out or anything like that, I just loved being with him and told him so many times but he could not trust and would not trust and played at least some of the games you mentioned, the distancing, withdrawal, emotional distance and secretiveness, I recognised all of it but still he played and wore me down until I could stand it no more and he lost me, I suppose I gave up because I was at a loss to prove to him that I was different, not after his money, his car, his status. But I guess you have to know when to end the test before you seriously lose. I do wish that man happiness, but I am not sure he will achieve it because the baggage he carries might be too heavy. Thanks again for your post, you sure got a lot of people stirred up.


Lilibelle 2 years ago

Seriously? You have got be f@cking kidding me!!! What a pathetic, mercenary, perverted, narcissistic, arrogant, pathological, petty, dishonest, unremarkable, self-serving, unspiritual, pitiable, prehistoric existence you (and others of your "tribe") lead, emmyboy. Only someone with defective psychological wiring would invest this unbelievable amount of time and psychic energy into "lording it over" another human being. You must have a LOT of time on your hands, pal. Here's a suggestion, why don't you volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. Maybe if you can somehow manage for a nano second to stop thinking about what you can GET from others, and replace it with the smallest thought of creating some good in the world, you would find that your purpose on this planet can be, SHOULD BE, decidedly less parasitic.


Sith 2 years ago

This was.. a very interesting read. I can honestly say i recognize myself in this situation, my ex did it with me all the time, and at that point, i was far too naïve and in love to see his patterns, and the games he played with me. I can finally say that i see them now, and that i'd never let anyone to do it to me again. ( Unless it's the kind of mindgame i like. I agree, it can be fun.) The only thing with these are, you have to have her interested before you do. And probably someone that's quite insecure too, i know i was. So i understand these games.. but i also understand she already needs to have alot of affection for you, before this works on her. So, if you're just playing games, with no emotions for her.. how do you even get her to that point? More secrets and mindgames?

// A curious reader


cairen 2 years ago

is it a game or writing an essay on mind testing games?


Jason 2 years ago

and this, lady's and gentlemen is what you call a sociopath


Lo 2 years ago

I don't agree on belittling this as "just a game" it may be to the gamer, but it's not to the one being played. It shows a kind of selfishness, lack of empathy and controlling behavior. These are all traits of a person who is highly insecure, or borderline a sociopaths. Gives you even less reason to trust them. It's even stupid on their part because while they are playing way too many games, trying to trigger a woman, instead of letting her personality naturally come out, they are creating a divide. This eventually becomes a self fulling prophecy for the game player where they will always assume there will eventually be a divide, so they such for ways to create one. It's kind of sad.

I have accept there will just be people like this because of this article as much as I don't want to. I have also accepted there will be slight game playing, which can keep the relationship fresh, between two people, but this is the extreme version of it known as psychological and emotional abuse, and there is no way anything anyone says will distract from that. This is not the type of person you want to be with, because they will eventually make as insecure as themselves. This type of person needs to be with someone who is constantly exciting to fulfill their need for stimulation, yet they are so insecure, they can't attain that person so the resort to trying to change someone they can get. Its a waste on their part, because while they are doing that, they could have been building up their confidence to find the right person.


Lo 2 years ago

Sorry for the typos too. Yes, sociopaths are people that have a really ridiculous reaction to rejection. I think there is something in the brain that tries to numb that, so eventually they stop having empathy for others, but tons of empathy for themselves. That's why they become even more controlling and infuriated when some tries to play them, yet still the sames to others with no guilt.


hershey 2 years ago

only demented, sick people play games.

no, women are not interested in "games" and those who say women like "jerks" well replace "jerks" with "hot." the only reason a woman might pay attention to a jerk, is if he is physically attractive- it has NOTHING to do with playing "games" and everything to do with looks and money (for gold diggers and gigolos). period. you are all stupid.


scorpio 2 years ago

Emmyboy,

thank you for sharing your toughts and tactics.. I must admit I am aware of them even if I do not use most of them.. but I use some of them ;-)

I would like you do reply to me and explain more about the reason they are using this tactics?

Can it be that what they really want is to check if that girl really loves them?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 2 years ago from Nigeria Author

You know what, Scorpio? You are not much farther from the truth!

Yes, some men do play mind games to check if the girl really loves them. Count me in!


Lilibelle 2 years ago

Emmyboy- you said,"Yes, some men do play mind games to check if the girl really loves them. Count me in!". you're a very stupid, foolish man! the "love" you refer to isn't actually LOVE at all, but starvation, need, addiction, and self-loathing. these broken women are USING you, luring you into their GAME, and FEEDING OFF you as much as you're doing the same to them.


Scorpio 2 years ago

why are you ladies so bitter? The man is just telling the truth.. You do not have to play, there are lot of guys there who are not playing so of you dont like it leave them. I like playing games on man and I am not a sociopath, just want to have some fun and see the level of interest the man has for me.

Emmyboy I am so courious about one man who is also playing mind games with me, is he aware that I know he is playing?! Cause I am also pretending like I am not aware that he is playing.. Are there some signs from which I can see that he knows I am playing too? And how would a man react if he knows I am playing him too? Will he like me more or maybe be scared and run away?


ScorpGrl 2 years ago

Reading this article kind of made me sick to my stomach...

It really does explain this guy's unexplainable behavior towards me, though. I couldn't figure out why he suddenly just became a jerk...And now after reading this article, it makes me think that maybe all those guys that suddenly changed on me out of the blue were really trying to figure out my affections for them. Too bad it backfired. LOL. You know what these situations lead to with awkward girls like me? Lack of communication. Oh, I'll pass your tests with flying colors, but eventually, I just start ignoring you completely, and I suppose those men who were playing with me might think I'm playing back! That explains the over-thinking!

By the way, his sudden change in behavior started with the first thing you listed. My response? Laughter.

I hate mind games. They're just so frivolous.


Patricia 2 years ago

so not worth any secure woman's time.


Carrie 2 years ago

That's a form of abuse! It's not funny and it can really hurt people. Oh yes, let me ignore you then yell at you! Bah (loser). Let me tell you something ladies and gents. If I even think a guy is attempting mind games I will drop them on their ass so fast they won't know what hit em. It's childish and hurts people. We laugh about it later??? What kind of comment is that??? No you laugh about it. She is hurting. Woman, we are human beings with feelings. Please never allow any man to abuse you like that. You should never have to pass a test for someone to love you. Love yourself and walk away from these insecure losers.


Nancy 2 years ago

LOL. I've had all those games played on me and I could now careless how a gamer is trying to "measure me up" by such games and tactics. All these games show you really can't trust or rely on him because you truly never know where you stand which is exactly how a gamer wants to keep it - him holding all the cards you holding none and that truly doesn't build trust or anything lasting that would ever be in your favor. My ex walked out on me 8 times, his game of seeing if I cared. After 4 I stopped responding so on the 8th time he had to throw the divorce card to try and manipulate me, Uhhhhh I gladly signed the papers and he has been beggign me for the last 4 years for us to give it a try again. Games grow old :) Never will I choose to be involved with a gamer again, when the games start I find the door. I've had 6 relationships that these men wanted to continue but they started with the games and I found the door. So as is suggested, if you like games you'd better know when to pull the plug and kiss ass in an attempt to make it right otherwise you might find yourself searching for a new GF/wife.


Ceci 2 years ago

Wow! Eye opening, I thought guys behave in such a way is not intentional. I thought they are due to insecurity, pass hurt and caution, that the guy doesn't intentionally do hurtful things to hurt you.

Psychology Today has an article about how man and woman brains work differently (duh), but woman feel emotion a lot more intense than man, and the chemical effect also linger longer than man.

Thanks for the article, I have come to a conclusion to break it off with my guy. Frankly, I don't have time for this, My mental strength is better place somewhere else. My business need my attention, letting this swing my emotions and distract me from what I need to do just because I am a woman and that's how it effect me, and that my guy do it intentionally? This is just hurtful. He can play someone else, I am tired of it. Let say, he doesn't pass my tests.


2 years ago

This article sucks.. it is pretty much asking girls to be dormats and put up with the player and his game. When a guy is interested, he does NOT play games. Period.. stop trying to convince ladies to lower their standards and be patient with guys who will most likely make them waste their time. Smh.. when it's meant to be it will be.. no games need to be played.. I really hope girls can analyze the load of bull crap the post in discussion is.. jeez.. girls must be really acting desperate lately.. stop women.. you are not making it easy on you or anyone to find a man worthy of your attention when you settle for mindgames.. guy get used having everythinh come easy for them that way.


Tessie 2 years ago

This game has no end. From my experience-it lasted 9years and in the end we split up and began to breathe. Nothing could persuade my partner I really want to build a relationship with him and stay with him all life. That I want the children, family, him /and also myself including/ to be comfortable and fought to work and pay bills and keep the house... Nothing was good enough for him. Perhaps a romantic soul?? Or more likely-a selfish controller and manipulator......


Chloe 2 years ago

my ex plays these kinds of games all the time - he's brilliant at silent treatment and I hate it. Initially for the first 2 yrs of our relationship he had me exactly where he wanted me we had a few "break ups" which weren't really break ups at all and then finally the last time as my dad was really ill and I literally didn't have the emotional energy any more to deal with all this I had had enough so when he wanted to get back together I wasn't interested until he persisted and persisted (he is good at getting lavishing attention as he is good at playing the games) so we got back together. To be fair he was great when we got back together and he really was there for me when my dad died. The relationship completely changed and no longer was everything all his way. However if we did get into a fight he would play games and then bigger problems arose and I realised that I was so exhausted from the way he had messed me around for the first 2 yrs that I really couldn't be bothered (6 yrs later) and without even meaning to started fancying someone else. Now we have been broken up for 18 months and he is still trying to get back with me but all the stupid games he plays is what always stops me from seriously considering it. The longer I am apart makes me realise if I ever meet a guy like that again I should just immediately end the relationship straight away as otherwise eventually this game playing will just exhaust me again and life is too short. I just want someone to be secure enough to take a chance and say what they mean and if they are too insecure for that then we probably wont end up being happy together anyway.


yola 2 years ago

This "Mind Game" business must be a "New Generation" thing....Did this kind of thing even happen back in the "Olden Days"??? I don't think so...I myself have experienced a "player" in my life and I can tell you I hate it and will not accept it....I respect myself too much and a girl/boy has to keep her/his dignity at least....I find all your comments really interesting and an eye opener so to speak...Gee Whiz,listening to all of you made me realize that life can sure be complicated if we allow it to be....I sure hope you all get someone who you deserve..don't sell yourselves short. Peace..... :)


Zig 2 years ago

mind games don't always work..maybe during the first two weeks of dating they could bring something new and spice things up but when you do them all the time it gets tiring and the woman get disappointed with the man which is not a good thing :)


listen 2 years ago

People who think this is okay are lost. They have no moral or spiritual compass. They lack compassion and don't have a true understanding of love.

Back in the day, when I was a young, naive woman, I fell in love with and played the fool for a guy who played all of these "games" with me. We were co-workers and he came across as such a gentleman. He did things for me without expecting anything and he seemed to genuinely care about my feelings. After we started dating, everything changed. He became controlling, he pressured me and tried to make me feel guilty for not rushing into sex, he gave me the silent treatment, he yelled at me for no reason, and he resorted to physical abuse. He also ridiculed me for being "spoiled" and because I liked to spend my money on myself.

I became so conflicted in how I felt about him. On one hand, I hated him for the way he treated me but then, I also was in love or infatuated with him because I decided to see past his insecurities. I wanted to believe in the guy I first met, not the asshole he started to present himself to be.

For many years, I was desperate for his attention and of course, he played on my own insecurities by furthering his game playing. I allowed this to continue because I wasn't willing to be honest with myself. I knew that he didn't give two shits about me. I knew he would never love me in the same way I loved him or thought I did. I knew that if he had any respect for me, it was long gone. But yet and still, my ego could not be satisfied because I truly believed he would change.

After one last encounter when he showed me just how foolish and insignificant I was to him, I finally had to accept what was done. I had to accept that I was his willing victim. His games didn't enhance our relationship in any way; in fact, he destroyed my confidence and brought distrust and jadedness into my life.

To any woman who believes that it is okay for a man to test you by playing games, leave and don't look back. If you know he's playing games, trust your intuition and be brave enough to walk away. I entered that relationship with a pure heart and left it with one completely broken.

I was so broken and emotionally damaged that I couldn't sustain any relationship afterwards. It was even to the point where I stopped dating altogether. I began to question my own worth because I was so angry at myself. Instead of me being able to move on, I was left with trying to piece back the shattered remnants of my heart. As for him, he married someone else.

Trust me, this is a cautionary tale for all of the women, and men, who are being subjected to this kind of treatment.

Before him, I had not ever been in or personally witnessed an abusive relationship. I did not understand or realize that his games were those of an abuser. My biggest mistake was not sticking to my word and letting him go completely the first time I made that commitment. Do not suffer needlessly like I did, do not believe that you can change a person because you cannot, and don't believe your love will ever be enough, because it will not.

In order for me to be able to move on, I had to first forgive myself and then him. To restore my belief in love, I had to renew my relationship with God and begin to walk in faith and expect His favor. Don't let my experience be yours. You are worth and deserve so much more. To the person who wrote this, you simply need to find yourself so that you may change your perception about how this type of behavior affects people.


Nana 2 years ago

You are completely disgusting. People who play mind games are just immature.

I ruined two relationships because I played mind games with my ex-partners, and I got hurt to the verge of insanity by a man who tried to do the same with me.

Nowadays, I would just laugh at a person trying to manipulate me like that again. I am happy about the good "boring" relationship that I have with my current boyfriend - after all, mutual respect and peace are what make a fulfilled relationship.


No games 2 years ago

So many men are sick and twisted, you are just one of them.


anonymous 2 years ago

Dude, this is textbook abuse. Like, google the definition of emotional/verbal abuse, if you act like this towards women you are literally abusive.


rlitaca 2 years ago

hahaha. What a load of crap. Not that youre trying to convince women to put up with an emotionally abusive man in the all important quest of 'keeping him' lol. You can keep him, cuz I sure as **** dont want a guy like this. ;-)


confused 2 years ago

ok but what if these actions last for almost a year, and you two were never actually official?


Lanes 2 years ago

Mind games are fun!

If a man plays mind games with me, I play them back. I get the ring, cars, house and stay at home to "take care of the house". I bat my eyelashes and stroke his ego while he plays mind games for fun. I fake sick and fake cry.

It's fun for me too, when I get the house, cars and his dignity at the end. I win!

Mind games are fun (for retarded men).

Lol. What a stupid article from a stupid man.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 2 years ago from Nigeria Author

Hi LoveDoctor,

How are you doing? Very fine, I’m hoping…

Well, I know it’s been a long time but I have to tell you this good news,

Did you see that book up there? And the links I posted up there?

Yes.

That’s my novel. It’s finally out!

Now you can have a deeper insight on my idea of dating, love and relationship like you requested…

I give it to you: Ify – A romantic thriller! Yay!

And for anybody who really wants to explore and get some deeper insights on why some men play mind games, what he could be playing at, plus some of the nicest, smartest and coolest ways, tips ‘n’ tricks to handle that confusing situation, I strongly believe you will get ALL , okay almost all, okay, okay, okay, some of your answers by reading this same novel that is also packed with suspense!

Happy reading, people…


MMM11 2 years ago

And I will tell you goodbye, good luck and good riddance, because my life is too short and my time too valuable to waste it one someone who wants to manipulate. And after a minute your game gets BORING! Adios.


MMM11 2 years ago

And you haters need to give this guy a break. It sounds like he's sincerely trying to be helpful. WOMEN! Lol.


sami771 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

I think all young, naive women should read this. It explains a lot about the patterns of common mind games and can help them get out of a bad relationship. A lot of women don't see it when a guy starts doing this sort of thing to them and they get hooked on a guy that at first may have seemed nice, but turns out to be a player.

It happened to me. All of a sudden this guy that just seemed so interested at first just stopped talking to me. I didn't understand why. I went nuts. I started messaging him constantly, trying to get a response. I was fueled by depression and rage. I felt like I deserved answers. I kept going and before I knew it, two months had gone by. He finally answered me, only to tell me I was crazy and needed professional help. We stopped talking and I thought we were done. About a year later, this guy tried to contact me again! At this point I realized I didn’t want to go on another emotional roller coaster and I just ignored him. I never knew people did this just for fun. I wish I could have just let go from the beginning. It was a stupid thing to do, but I kept telling myself that he likes me. He told me he likes me. We talked all the time and he even wanted me to hang out with him. Maybe there was just a misunderstanding or maybe something happened to his phone. I thought surely, there just HAD to be a reason. Honestly, I was in some pretty bad denial.

If a guy was ignoring you and you did this, don't feel bad; just know that it's a bad decision and don’t do it again. You won't get anything out of it. I've known others who have tried and they were not in a good place. Neither was I. If a guy does this to you and it makes you feel bad about yourself and you just can't handle the stress, then he isn't for you. Go find someone else, before you really get hurt. Better yet, focus on yourself for a little while. Get your life in order and work on yourself and your own problems. If you can do that, then you should have a little more confidence and you’ll probably attract better guys.

I think it’s ok to play mind games sometimes, depending on who you are and how you do it, but it can go too far. You need to draw the line somewhere. When you start to get into a more serious relationship, it’s time to stop doing this to each other. Things like marriage and having children should be taken seriously, because at that point it’s not just messing around anymore.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 2 years ago from Nigeria Author

I like your viewpoints Sami777. I'm glad you understand.


Truth 2 years ago

Truth is that many women are Players when it comes to dating men, and they should Grow Up since many of them are Very Stupid.


maritza 2 years ago

Very interesting and excellent article!! Thank u emmyboy it was helpful :))


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 2 years ago from Nigeria Author

You are welcome, Maritza. I'm glad you found it helpful.


Dav 2 years ago

my sociopath played mind games as well. They are called life games from the book games people play. He played the game all by him self. And just conned me the way he wanted the game to go. He destroyed my life.


ali 2 years ago

In this situation now... not much different than a different abusive situation I was in before.

Good article. It teaches people what to look for in order to make a quick exit from a relationship like that :)


cw 2 years ago

Ugh. I am terrible at these games and sh*t. The guy I am currently talking to loves these things and admits that he will play them, but he got really really upset with me when I started playing them back. I don't really know what to do :(. I don't know if him telling me to f*ck off is because he got upset in the moment or if he is playing games or if he is serious


Jennifer 2 years ago

Mind games are a sign of insecurity and immaturity.


Dani 2 years ago

This is textbook emotional abuse and it's quite disgusting that you're endorsing it, and admit to even partaking in it yourself. Only a man-child would even entertain the idea of or see any reason to treat a woman like this, and those men certainly aren't worth anyone's time. Pulling this bullshit on any woman with integrity and self respect will disengage her from you before the first phase of your mind games operation is even complete. I personally would dump you so fast your head would spin. You should rename this article, "How To Lose A Woman's Love and Trust in You."


EF 2 years ago

Ouch, recent comments are tough eh. Push/pull tactics are good for sales purposes, not genuine love. There needs to be a little game but the limit between play and pain is too risky.


directgirl 24 months ago

Here's a question for you related to this but outside of the context of dating or a committed relationship. Why will a hook up pretend he's romantically into you? Even if you hint that you're fine with just sex? Why do people who clearly ONLY have you over when they are trying to satisfy their needs still want you to swoon over them? Would you say the game it's similar or has a different purpose?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 23 months ago from Nigeria Author

Alright directgirl, in my own opinion, a hook up might pretend that part simply because he does not trust that you are just okay with the sex alone.

Your hinting that will even make him more confused. You'll agree with me that quite unlike men, I'd say most women want the sex plus the intimacy. So pretense might as well be a result of trying to fake that supply of intimacy so as to get laid.

Naturally, people like to obtain 'favors' from others. At times, the process involved could be covert or subtle manipulation in the form of persuasion or pretense.

Wanting you to swoon over them is just another way of furthering their agenda because you will be hypnotized, sort of, and you'll be subconsciously convinced that you need them the more and thus, you will be so much ready and willing to be satisfying their selfish needs because they know that in most cases, we feel good whenever we do something for someone we love.


kay 23 months ago

I've had one good-looking guy interested in me and asked me out to a party 1 month after we first met. Just like many typical insecure guys out there who is unashamed of pulling these mind games, he blatantly went intimate with another girl in the party just to see if I care enough to intervene. Unlike many girls out there who would succumb, I purposely looked toward his direction and gave him a smile, just to let him know that I'm aware of his act, and continued chatting with people I met in the party, of course, I maintained my calm and confident demeanor.

He found me sexy for not giving shit, and was definitely impressed by my confidence. He asked me out for another date. As a woman with dignity, I rejected without giving any explanations.

Now, he has been asking around about me (I'm not friends with him on Facebook) and obviously, he sees me as a challenge and wants to get me but unfortunately, he's just going to fall harder and harder whenever he thinks of me.

So guys, don't ever think that mind games can get you what you want when it comes to any women like me, cuz' we are smart enough to see through your insecurities and your old tricks, and we'll fucking ditch you and move on, leaving you desperate for us.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 23 months ago from Nigeria Author

"Unlike many girls out there who succumb..."

Wow kay! You really got me there with that very statement! You must be such a very strong woman for you to have realized how the 'game' is being played.

Kudos to you but just so you know, the 'game' keeps on changing so your best bet is to keep getting smarter and smarter so as to remain one or two or three steps ahead...

Until we meet each other, hopefully, someday, who knows, and cancel each other out, huh?

I know you'll like that and I know I'll like that too 'cause I really need and want to fall harder and harder for someone like thee who knows the 'game' inside out!

Can you believe that, huh?

Ha ha ha...

Anyways, happy New Year 2015 to all of us!


kay 23 months ago

Let me blast you with this very statement:

"The "game" initiator (aggressor) is always at the losing side."

Guys can get all "innovative" in reinventing their games, but a smart woman can EFFORTLESSLY sniff out the horrible stench of insecurity that lies within. Let's think about it, isn't it a shame to have had a woman to dump you before you could even kiss her goodbye? In fact, it is very pathetic! It is even more pathetic when you have fallen for her, every thoughts about her will make you desire her more and more, and you know all these are just wishful thinkings of yours.


Miss moi 23 months ago

Two can play at that game Mr. Lol. I'm Kinda going through this now and instead of acting concerned, I will be flirting right in front of him with the boy toy who works the desk, in a very subtle way. Last time he did this game playing with me I made him feel so stupid lol. He knows I have options. More than him. He's gonna have to get past his insecurities if he wants my loyalty ;-) ;-)


Tight Hot Wet and Sought After 22 months ago

Pro tip: Use caution. The best P will walk away from this.


Purelady68 22 months ago

Ladies. Mind games

Heterosexual men who play them - 0%

Butch (masculine) lesbians who play them - 0%

Femme (feminine) lesbians who play them - 40%

Heterosexual women who play them - 60%

Gay men who play them - 100%

Do the math

Dump Accordingly


SweetGirl 22 months ago

I have mixed feeling about this post.

On the other hand i understand how some "games " happen naturally when the man instinctlevely feels the need to see whether this girl is the one for him...on the other hand, when it is done deliberately as a mean to toy with someone's head, it has lost it valuable purpose. Example:

A man can be genuine but feels the pressure of the relationship and needs to know that the girl is not going to walk all over him by asking constantly he does as she wants etc...he might naturally feel the need to put a brake and protect himself by testing her to see whether she will still love him if he doesn't play nice guy all the time. he stops calling for example, stop giving her the expected treatment she is used to. the way she reacts will give him the information he needs. all in all , this is done because of the dynamic of that particular relationship...depending on the level of commitment of the man, he will add to the intensity of that test or he will stop just enough in time to keep the girl.

Ultimately, when he starts playing games, it means, he wants an excuse to check out eventually at some point....whether the woman acts crazy or play humble is irrelevant because the guy has an agenda. her best bet is to just be herself. if he doesn't like that, then he will reap what he sows. the troub;e is whether it is done for the right reasons or the wrong reasons, the only acceptable form of test is to TALK.

really until the guy learns to deal with his own mind logic, he will act as if he is in a territory where emttionnally vulnerable creature like women are best dealt with with "games". It is a sad reality. Most players are not happy, because in order to keep a girl, they have to play games and trust me, it is not easier on them either because they work double on their "skills" to test the water...meaning, they never truly settle. they constantly looking for what could excite them.

That's when, the "unecessary"game turns into something toxic...the thin line between a player and an emotionnally stable man is that, he never interferes with a woman well being. mentally and physically. there is no excuse for happily making her crazy over you...the reality is if a woman runs after a guy, she has lost him already. so that relationship is bound to have rocks hill and mountains until the adrenaline, the toxitocin dies down and one of them matures up and leaves.

One pointer: For women, we never know truly a man until he starts being himself. when he starts playing games, we know he has issues one way or another so we want to fix him. The funny dynamic is, a woman feels challenged, we endure, try to show him how we care, because that's our nature..some of them see it as weak and it might be true, but the correct word is broken. the moment he startes playing game, he is dealing with a broken woman. and games never brings out the best in a woman.

there is so much to say but i wll just rest this case here.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 22 months ago from Nigeria Author

@SweetGirl, you sound so sweet. I'm glad you kinda understand...


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 22 months ago from Nigeria Author

Hi, purelady68. How you doin’? Well, I’m sorry you feel and see it that way. In real life, I don’t play mind games because I’m insecure or because I want to hurt or control a ‘weak’ woman or something. Come to think of it, why would I do that? No. Not me.

Listen, I play mind games just for fun. I've said that before. I play mind games with everybody. I enjoy making you wonder. I love and want to see your reaction when I push your buttons. I just love making you think plus listening in to that cranking sound of your busy brain as I make you do the mental gymnastic over and over. Yeah, I thrive on mental stimulation!

I know … I know … I know this might sound so füćked up to you … but what else can I say other than it’s still so much fun and the way I see it, it wouldn’t hurt to be playing my pranks, shaking up things, playing the Devil’s Advocate and keeping you guessing and testing your intelligence plus cleverness plus mental alertness and agility every once in a while?! But I guess you won’t understand this—and I don’t even expect you to—even though people who know exactly what I’m talking about here will.

And yes, in relationships, I also use mind games to check how emotional and independent you can get. Yes. Being extremely independent myself, I wouldn’t like to deal with all those mushy-mushy female emotional thingy that impedes on my freedom or saps my energy all the time. Ergo, I just love and will always prefer independent and strong willed women over the clingy, insecure, crybaby types.

I’m sorry, but that’s just me.

Like I said earlier—if you actually read the whole article before rushing off to express your vitriol against me in your comments—I’m not ruling out the fact that some badass guys (and girls) out there play mind games for other sinister reasons like seeking to control their subjects but right now, I’m only speaking for myself here. I don’t play it to control you. Nah! I have so many other things of interest to do than seeking for some woman or women to control. When I come out to play, it’s strictly for the entertainment, the fun, and nothing else.

If as a lady you want to beat me in my mind games, it’s not even that difficult, you just play along. That’s the big secret. I’ll so much enjoy it if you do. Yes, Miss moi is right. Two can play. And I’ll so enjoy it too if you win. So go ahead. Surprise me. Be unpredictable. Be observant. Be open-minded. Keep the fire alive. Spice things up. Come up with your own games and pranks. Call me out. Show me that your awesome brainpower. OMG, I love these things. I will stay tuned!

But…

Don’t overreact. Don’t over think. Don’t overanalyze. Don’t get overly suspicious or jealous. And don’t get overemotional. You recognize the pattern there? Yes, the devil is in that word ‘over’!

And that’s exactly the point in my message. I wonder why it’s so difficult for so many of you bashers to see. Well, I guess that’s also how most of you ladies miss it. And then you start hurting. And when that happens, you then you come here to cuss and bash me all you can, thinking you can make me stop or feel bad ‘bout myself but I’m telling you right now that no matter what you say or do, I won’t stop playing mind games because it’s so much fun to me!

Tell you the truth, you don’t know how much I’m mischievously enjoying myself reading your comments and fierce outbursts here, knowing that I’m even so capable of skiing and zigzagging through the internet with an incredible high speed and then crawling into your house and then jumping out of your laptop and then driving you up the walls with just this article alone! OMG! Just look how you angrily and hurriedly posted three good times just to get your one point across!

Tee-hee. Tee-hee. And you know what? Some buttons are just too easy to push! Hmmm… three good years after writing this hub and the fun is still this unbelievably undiluted.

Wow!

Okay baby, now listen. Something you should know. Everybody is not the same. You need to come out of your own world first to see this for yourself. You may not be down with mind games, I know, but trust me on this; there are so many women who are. They just love the drama, the suspense and the mystery. They abhor boredom. They want a challenge. See… most ladies can’t help it but love these things? Probably you do too yourself, at least to a certain extent, even though you don’t know or want to admit it… huh?

Ha ha ha!

Alright. Well, I’m so sorry if you’ve been attracting(?) and dating only gay guys because I’m guessing that’s obviously where and how you got these laughable and nonsensical figures you are posting here but to tell you the truth, I’m the straightest (Gemini) guy you can ever meet. But if you are still in doubt, or you just want to test your quack-duck-analogy one more last time, thank God, there’s still only one way to find out. You. Me. Behind closed doors. Hope you know whamsayin’? Good. It’s your call… bring it on but no sagging breasts, please.

Ha ha ha…

Babe, please wake up and look up and stop being stereotypical! I wonder what makes you think mind games is strictly a woman affair only. I wonder what makes you think straight guys don’t notice your often manipulative mind games probably because you mistake their silence for foolishness on their own part after all you firmly believe they can’t just outsmart you?

In fact, come to think of it now, I wonder what makes you think it’s completely right that you can always dish out mind games to guys at will but they can’t and shouldn’t do the same to you.

C’mon, those are way too füçked up, foolish, childish, warped, and ridiculously selfish a mentality for someone (like you) who claims to be so mature to have and be brazenly proud of!

Listen, the rule’s simple. If you can’t take it; don’t give it!

Yes. Men and women equally play mind games. And like I stated earlier, they all play it for different reasons. See it for what it is and not for what you want it to be. It’s just a game and you choose to either play or not, you know …? Of course, I know you do! Are you no longer the pretty and tough iron lady who’s dumpin’ & droppin’ off guys accordingly and moving on fast like a fast moving train any moment they fail to act according to your dictates and/or meet your expectations?!

So keep it up!

And please make sure you always dump and drop all of them on their silly big heads hard on a concrete floor, okay? I’ll be so glad if you do. Also while you are at it, please also remember to kick out at their heads very hard. Bash it. Smash it against the wall. Knock it around. Bust, split or crack it open. Do whatever you like—with all of them bad guys in your life. You have my support any day any time, okay?

Fine, that’s good. Then repeat as many times as you want! It’s all good and no matter what you do, and as long as you are having fun, just know that Daddy still loves you.

Now be a good girl an’ run along, okay? In fact, look, I’m pressing this red button right now so why don’t you start climbing up the walls again now … while I go check up on my current standing to see if I’ve won my latest mind game, huh?

Wish me luck.

And hey… wait… just make sure you climb faster and higher this time around, okay… hello…? Are you listening to me…?

Oh dear, she’s off already!

Hahahahahahahaha … Wow, it doesn’t get any better than this!

Yours sincerely but unrepentant Master of the (Mind)Game both now and forever,

Emmy BOY (Author of the funny compilation Funny Shady Bible Stories You Were Never Told)


Misty 20 months ago

Lol...I have to laugh...yeah you men play these games but some women like me know this and just laugh at these silly games.

I know who I am and what I'm worth. My man tried most of these games with me because he's always done this with women. He's a player, rake, womanizer, romeo, cad, all those names would fit him well.

BUT...haha, here's the but...I am a player too...I know these games well. I chew up and spit out players ;) So, with both of us being "players" we managed to find real and true and lasting love!

Games are all good and fun and the best ones are the ones played in bed in porn-star/tantric positions!


Erica 20 months ago

This is all b.s any woman who has time for games deserves these types of men. Real women don't have time for mind games, real women prefer men who are straight forward and know exactly what they want, a strong man who'l ask questions and voice his concerns instead of "testing" you. Its hard to let go of someone you really liked but after u let go you'll miss him and after that you'll get over it. We've all lost people who meant a lot to us to something as big as death and we got through it. Losing someone to a break up should be a piece of cake. So in conclusion, all I have 2 say is....if he's genuinely and trully into you and see's a future with you, you'll know and if he doesn't you'll be confused! Don't waste your time on these childish games you'l eventually find a real man who's really into you and has the same values as you, in the meantime dont rush anything. God has perfect timing it will happen when the time is right!


Reallyme 20 months ago

Awesome, I've been reading this thread for many years and don't get tired of it. I've also grown more mature meanwhile and must say, Games are with the flirty guy standing at the bar flashing his smile and jokes - the rest of the evening is with the genuine man with who I go home.


Shaquita 19 months ago

Holy crap!!! EVERY MIND GAME IN THIS ARTICLE IS BEING DONE TO ME AS WE SPEAK by my ex-fiance who broke up with me 4 months ago. I have been trying to mend things with him for weeks but he just keeps on with these demented and cruel games. I wouldn't even call these behaviors GAMES. GAMES are played by innocent children not psychotic, fucked-up men like the author of this article. What we have here are MALIGNANT MASTER MANIPULATOR behaviors and any man that exhibits these behaviors is a sick and twisted individual who could possibly commit such heinous crimes and rape and murder. Maybe I'm being a tad bit dramatic but a GOOD MAN WILL NOT TREAT A WOMAN LIKE THIS IF HE TRULY LOVES HER. The author seriously needs help from a professional psychiatrist and psychologist to get a handle on his NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER!!!!!!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 19 months ago from Nigeria Author

Holy Crap!

You don’t mean it, Shaquita!

You mean you’re really going through all these sh*t?

Dammït! You must be a really tough lady.

Something has to be done! And done asap!

In fact, I can easily recommend a very good and professional psychiatrist and psychologist for your ex right away. His charges are moderately fair. And from the way you sound right now, I have a feeling you’ll so love him—or rather, his services.

Guess who he is?

Me.

Ha ha ha… oh man, I love this!

I really do.

Three good years after…

Oh my!

Keep your fiery reactions coming!


Unknown 18 months ago

I just wanted to say that I looked up this article because my boyfriend was all there are articles on facebook blah blah blah so I figured I'd look one up. And I just want men to know that there are....real "female" players out there who know all of these games and see them ahead of time. For instance he's all I'm going to my moms house and you can't stop me. Me I'm all crying on his shoulder please don't I'm sorry I'm such an a hole. But when I leave my tears are gone and I'm excited for booze and whatever else I get myself into. Real men and women don't play games. But don't try playing a real woman..not referring to myself. She'll let you believe what you want and get hers however she feels the need to the second she sees it. Sometimes the players aren't really ahead of the game.


Johnd915 17 months ago

I truly appreciate this article.Really thank you! Fantastic. edecebbkddeb


Susan Tolbert profile image

Susan Tolbert 17 months ago from New England

Your opinions are bizarre, though mind games do occur, but buying into them and keeping them going back and forth solves nothing. It's like stupid kids taunting each other on the playground.

You clearly get off on working women up into anger. THAT is quite the mind game! You obviously hate women and when you tell them to keep the angry comments coming, that tells us a lot about YOU but nothing about other men and real relationships.

I advise the women (including myself) responding to this topic to do what they should to other mind-game guys: DROP THEM...FAST!

As for what to do when you run into more of them, ignore and move on. Don't waste your time doing battle with their sick mentality. There actually ARE good men out there. Just value yourself and the "gamers", who have no lives, will not get to you. DO beware of the high potential for violence when you don't give these babies the attention they crave so desperately! (Can anyone say: Norman Bates"??!).


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 17 months ago from Nigeria Author

Hi Susan,

Well, I guess that’s your opinion. Do whatever pleases you. But let me now tell you something you don’t understand.

Imagine this scenario. I’m glad you gave yourself and other women that piece of advice on ignoring ‘gamers’, dropping them fast, and moving on. Now, imagine if I start attacking you for doing just that. How would you feel?

Remember what the very first commenter stated three years ago and I quote: players are going to hate you for this?

Out of the bottom of my heart, I’m writing and throwing out a couple of some useful advice which I think might help some woman out there in understanding their men better by informing them on the games some men play and how they play it and how they can possibly respond to such games and what am I getting in return?

Someone from somewhere who does not even know anything about me comes here and starts calling me all sorts of names…

Well, I understand why you girls who are doing that are doing so, so now permit me to let you know why it amuses me.

Probably after reading this, you’ve realized that these games are so real and probably you have also suddenly realized that you have been played too.

And it makes you so mad.

And now you want to put the whole blame on me.

For admitting that I do play mind games on women.

So you start writing all sorts of rubbish and attacking my person.

And of course, expecting me to keep quiet and take it like a man, right?

Ha ha ha…

Well, so let me tell you how this thing goes. If you think you can anonymously sit back in the comfort of your room behind your computer and call me names, well, I guess I can do the same thing and if that eventually makes you boil with anger, well, I guess it will surely make me smile.

Tell you what?

I don’t hate women. What I hate is stupidity. And stupidity is when you consciously miss the whole point and totally ignore the message—no matter how remotely helpful it might be to you—and then you turn around and start attacking the messenger!

How someone can do that is what still baffles me!


16 months ago

My ex showed signs of testing. But how far will they go? Im really confused. Some days would go past and i would not hear from him. I text him casually "hey, how are you" he responded well "im good, how're you?" And went on to tell me how well he was doing at work. So i was supportive and said goodnight. He didn't say goodnight. 3 days went past and i didn't hear from him. (At one point earlier in our relationship, he asked if i missed him - cos we hadnt messaged in 2 days, i responded "it was only 2 days


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 16 months ago from Nigeria Author

Well, S, all I can say is that not everything a man does to you should be seen as mind games.

In fact, one of the easiest ways to turn yourself into an emotional wreck is by reading meanings into just about anything your man does. So please desist from that.

I think I will be addressing this issue in my next book.


Galyna Lendel 15 months ago

It's not bad!


interesting 14 months ago

I read all of the comments and it wasn't just women who disagreed with you there were men also. However, you wouldn't understand their position because you are from a 3rd world country Nigeria. Your country is behind developed countries in different areas including women's rights. Although there are men in America who would practice your suggestions most of the women wouldn't stand for it. Also, many men here wouldn't either. Especially, since we've had a feminist movement here that lobbied for the rights of women and brought the emotional, physical, and mental abuse of women to the light. I don't know if your country has been through that. You probably don't even know what emotional abuse is. Because if you did, you would clearly see that many of the "games" mentioned in your article follows under that category.


Ginger 13 months ago

There is another word for what you're describing, it's called abuse. There's nothing funny about it.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 13 months ago from Nigeria Author

You know what, Ginger? After taking some considerable time to look at the whole picture, I'll say that you are right.

There's nothing funny about playing mind games.

So...?

So...

I've repented.

No more mind games.

Ha ha ha ha...

No, no, no, seriously...

No more mind games!!!


Ritah 13 months ago

The problem is still going on I am afraid. A man I met a couple of weeks ago have texted me and very intensely so, just to suddenly disappear in thin air. He did send me a text saying "I am not going to respond to any text or mails for a week. This bothers me because we are supposed to go on a week end trip in a week, and now I am unsure about what to do.


Pearl Sepuya 11 months ago

Very interesting and informative. Will be keeping one or two of these in mind


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 10 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

Interesting and insightful. I wouldn't waste much time on a guy like that. Not even if he was really, really great in bed.


realtalk247 profile image

realtalk247 9 months ago

Good information. But don't forget to ask tricks are for kids. Sometimes creating issues and "testing" people will lead to others feeling you aren't able to address love/relationships in a mature manner.


Disgusted 8 months ago

What a huge stinking log of a shitty article. Any of these qualities are a red flag of the emotionally immature manipulator. If a woman or man observes this kind of behavior from their partner, RUN. Don't look back.


Mary 7 months ago

There is only one reason a man plays mind games, is called INSECURIGY. A man with healthy self esteem does not engage in such behavior. Study psychology and you will learn what's behind this behavior.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 7 months ago from Nigeria Author

Mary, you are not a man so why would you know the ONLY reason for playing such games?

Anyway, that's your opinion.


Hil 5 months ago

Most of these reasons for the actions are not the true underlying reasons. For instance, a man who gives the silent treatment to a woman isn't testing her. It's that he doesn't know how to show his anger. He's actually afraid of expressing anger (due to childhood trauma/difficult parent). And a man who is violent is not testing a woman either. That's just abuse of power. Additionally, suggesting women should "relax" and tolerate this sort of behavior (while remaining strong), while yes - would keep this man around - is not sane advice. A woman who see these things in a man should get out of the relationship. These are the signs of narcissism... find someone who's less scared of emotions, and more secure! That's the right advice!


Tiana 5 months ago

No body has time for this. U could lose the spouse of your dreams , playing games... I know!!


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 5 months ago from Nigeria Author

You know what Tiana?

You might be right but then again, you and I know it's different strokes for different folks.

Some people like (playing) mind games; some don't.


sara 5 months ago

I started to chat with a guy onlion and now its over a year .he suddeny said stuff like i wanna control you ,posses you and now he threathens to stalk me .we are not in relationship we are just friends , and now i dont know how to react ,is he playing a mind game with me ?


Anna 5 months ago

This is nonsense. Anybody who would be deliberately deceitful to someone just to see how they react doesn't deserve to keep that someone. And nobody should put up with any of that crap. You don't have to be in such a hurry to see what's inside somebody. If they trust you they'll show you. If you play games to get it they'll never trust you like they would otherwise. And you don't deserve their trust. If you want to know who somebody is wait for the circumstances of life to bring it out, don't manufacture your own.


sara 5 months ago

We started to chat onlion we were good friends but suddenly he started to say things like i wanna control you and now he threatens to stalk me .how should i deal with him


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 5 months ago from Nigeria Author

@Sara: I don't know if he's playing mind games with you or not, although to be frank with you, it sounds more like a threat to me.

@Anna: Your opinion, though.


Lisa 5 months ago

My doctor said anyone playing with your emotions, stay away from them it can cause miscarriage, still births....They are messing with those same emotions you use to connect with your baby in your worn, stay away from fools. This is the way God make it to communicate with your baby in your stomach.......mind games stress the worn out and cause early births, even when your not with the guy any longer.


Lisa 5 months ago

Women this is a curse to shut up your worn, men are clueless on these facts because they don't give birth. Stay away from guys who does this is a lack of respect for any woman and young adult worn. They have no idea it causing stress and my best friend lost a baby due to these same sick actions, Africa men play well these games, due to it their culture to see women and young adults as objects but clueless to the harm it causing, destroying their own women and God's health way of carrying her baby....CURSE!!!!!! Be Love and do so and you will reap what u sow.


joe 4 months ago

nice article just this video out to understand the 3 main reasons why women play drama

https://youtu.be/clX3w7Hjtbs


Paulina 3 months ago

I'm 39 yrs old, and I'm 4ft 8 inches tall. So I get mistaken for a young person, and I find that young men play this game where they stare at you, and it seems like they expect you to notice them back. I'm sure it's a game they're playing. Secondly I don't care to be around young people, and none of the guys from my generation ever did things like that. So I find it strange that today's younger generation thinks it's okay to play this type of game.


jtrader profile image

jtrader 3 months ago

Once someone picks up that a person is like that they should leave them in the dust where they belong. They don't respect themselves.


reza 3 months ago

my boyfriend doesnt play mind games. He's just too difficult. He loves me, he is a child at heart who loves to be pampered with love now and then, but sometimes his need for pamper takes a toll on me. Sometimes I hate to let him know every little detail bcoz i like a sense of freedom. Its very subtle which he thinks if I dont give him those little details, I have something to hide, as if I don't love him as much as he does. I love him but I dont like him to be putting his nose into every little detail. He would care to to which people, especially guys that I talk when we are in a long distance. I do tell him most things but he wants me to be online and update him with my whereabouts regularly through social media/chat. How do I tell him that I love him and I also have to stay busy through the day. We dont have to break up only because we are far away and busy. How do I let him know that we must not compromise our careers and have faith, because a greater degree of online engagement will not only hamper my career but his too.

P.S. we both are enrolled into different business schools, so we don't get much time to talk for long hours even if we want to.


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 3 months ago from Nigeria Author

Hi there reza.

I don't like the way it sounds at all.

Your boyfriend seems to be the controlling and jealous type.

And trust me, with time, you will find out the whole relationship is gonna engulf you, that is, if it hasn't already.

I suggest you talk to him. Let him know that his suspicions and constant poke nosing is killing you. The earlier you do that, the better for you.

Controlling and jealous men can be very dangerous and if care is not taken, out of so much fear of him, you might find out that you cannot even separate from him, even if you want to...


Manic Depressive 3 months ago

Let us PLAY... Overall, we all know it is JUST a game... I'm always in, but I'm always a loner... The real struggle for mind games is what if they both really start to grow feelings for each other? Will it still be a game? It's the stage where complexity begins...

A Professional Con Artist


NoTimeForIt 2 months ago

Grown people have no business playing childish games with a person's emotions. The best way to deal with a person who plays The Game like this is to never get involved with them in the first place. The whole, "Lets just go with the flow" is sheer


anonymous 7 weeks ago

Pure and simple, these are all examples of abuse. It's all a sickening, sad, pathetic, insiduous self serving and weak ploy. Men who play such games shouldn't be allowed on the field. A strong, assertive, self-aware and healthy woman would not put up with any of it. The End.


Annie Won 6 weeks ago

I grew up around manipulative people (which, let's face it, is what you are if you play "mind games"), so I can spot an attempt at manipulation a mile away. I saw people I loved being manipulated into doing things they didn't want to by others who were SUPPOSED to love them...and I HATED it. In fact, I even inherited the trait, and have to work extra hard NOT to use it. Regardless of the source, whenever I see someone trying to manipulate me (person, media, etc.), I shut it down QUICK. If a guy I was interested in even STARTED to play a mind game, we'd be done on the SPOT. Life's too short to waste on little BOYS who only know how to PLAY. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I didn't date around a lot before I got married (thank God!), so I didn't have to deal with crappy men like this (the kind described in the article), but what it really boils down to is the Golden Rule. Would YOU want it done to you? Not would you "mind" or would you think it's "fair," but would you WANT someone to treat you that way? If the answer is "no," (and for most people, if they're HONEST, it WOULD be), then don't treat others that way. It's freaking SIMPLE. Why the heck would you expect someone to treat you BETTER than you treat them...? Because you think you can get away with it? I guarantee you someday you'll encounter that special someone who makes you wanna drop all your games and just have an honest relationship...and then you'll realize YOU got played, and it'll finally sink in. YOU did that to countless others, and it was "okay," but now suddenly it's not...? You might tell yourself you can "respect the game" they played on you, but at the end of the day, you KNOW what they did was WRONG.

BTW, when I say "you," I don't mean specifically the author, just "a person." I suppose I could use the term "one" (as in, "one will realize one got played"), but that's a little...sterile, a little impersonal. Any CHILD thinking to play with a woman's (or man's) heart needs to realize that what may be a "game" to them could have devastating effects on someone who's SINCERE, something they clearly have no ability to grasp.


Suffragette profile image

Suffragette 6 weeks ago

My advice to anyone who is dating someone who plays mind games is to run! Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction because this person will destroy you and everything you are. Only give your heart to those who respect you and are worthy of it. I was in this position and it showed it's ugly head 11 months into what carried on to be a 5 year relationship from hell. Out of it last February and I'm only just started to feel my normal self again.


SL 4 weeks ago

When a guy plays mind games, I feel confused and stressed out and I don't trust him emotionally anymore.

I don't want to stick around and take more hurtful tests. At that point the guy has either come across as scary or emotionally abusive.


wahida 2 weeks ago

Oh my God I Endeup Not Trusting Every Man In This Earth For Bad Experinces Ihave Gone Through, I Feel iam Complited Different Person, however Istill Manage To Control My Self Through their Game Because Ihave So Much Patient inside . Ilost completely Faith On Men , is Like Nothing Is Convincing My mind NowCompletely , and AS Iwas Doing SomE Serching I Saw This Best Article. Thank You


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 2 weeks ago from Nigeria Author

I'm glad you liked it, Wahida.

Thanks for reading.

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