How to Say Sorry and Write a Sincere Apology Letter for Cheating

Updated on March 18, 2019
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How to Apologize for Cheating

You were caught cheating. Chances are, your significant other found out about your behavior in a shocking and ugly way and now things are extremely painful, awkward, and stressful for everyone involved. What can you do to make it better?

The first thing to do is apologize. How, where, and when you apologize are all important considerations.

Below, you'll find...

  1. How to say you're sorry properly: What to say and what NOT to say.
  2. How to write a letter of apology (and three different example letters).
  3. What to do after you express your sincere apology.

How to Say You're Sorry for Cheating

These options are listed in order of preference and impact: If you're really sorry and sincere, apologize all of the ways listed below. If your partner refuses to meet, then start by writing a letter and sending a text.

  1. Don't wait too long. It's hard to face the truth, but the longer you wait, the worse it will be.
  2. Apologize in person. If you only choose one method, a face-to-face apology will always be the most sincere and effective.
  3. Deliver a physical, hand-written letter.
  4. Apologize via voicemail, text, and/or email.
  5. Give your partner plenty of time to grieve and respond.
  6. Whether they forgive you or not, you will need to work on the issues that led you to cheat in the first place.

How and when you deliver your apology isn't the only consideration. What you say and how you say it is what matters the most. Crafting an effective apology is not easy. Don't make things worse by saying the wrong thing.

How to Apologize Properly

  1. Take Responsibility. Admit your cheating. Take full responsibility for your actions. Don't try to minimize or blame or you will only give your partner more reasons to hurt.
  2. Have Empathy. Show some understanding for how your actions have effected your partner. Acknowledge the hurt that your actions have caused. Focus on and verbalize how your partner must feel.
  3. Say That You're Sorry. Express your remorse explicitly. Don't try to explain or give any excuses, since all of these actions will detract from your apology.
  4. Ask for Forgiveness. There's no guarantee you will be forgiven, and you don't get to control their decision. You have to ask.
  5. Make Reparations. Ask them if you can do anything to help repair the wrong and rebuild trust. Better yet—start by listing all the things you will do to make things right, then ask them what else you can do.
  6. Promise to Never Cheat Again. If you can't keep this promise, then you'll need to come clean—with yourself and with your partner. This step of the proper apology is very important and will require some serious soul-searching.
  7. Give Them Time to Answer. Even if they lash out in the moment with sadness and anger, give them more time to digest your apology fully before you do anything more.

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

— Benjamin Franklin

How to Write an Apology Letter for Cheating

If you have cheated and want to apologize properly, then following your face-to-face apology with a handwritten letter that adheres to the seven ways to apologize properly (see above) will not only help show your sincerity but it may also help you express everything you need to say in order to heal and move forward. If you have cheated on your partner but want another go at the relationship, then then you'll need to ask for another chance to make things right.

Example #1 of a Sincere Apology Letter for Cheating

Below, you'll find three samples of apology letters for cheating, each written to address different needs and situations.

Dearest [ __________ ],

Sometimes, there are simply no words that can adequately express the depth of a person's feelings that are plagued by regret, guilt, and sadness for a wrong done. This is my predicament now for hurting you so badly when you trusted me so.

I want to tell you I'm sorry a thousand times, but I know my apology can't undo what has been done or ease the pain in your heart. Cheating on you is certainly an unforgivable mistake. I totally deserve all the anger and resentment from you for what I have put you through.

However, it also pains me to see you suffering as a result of my misbehavior. Guilt burns in my heart thinking of all the hurt that you must have felt because of my recklessness. Each time that I think of you, I get angry with myself because I can imagine all the bitter tears you must have shed when you learned of my indiscretion.

I'm feeling like this because there is still love for you glowing in my heart. Otherwise, I wouldn't have cared one bit and moved on. But I don't want this relationship to end. I still care deeply about you and love you with all my heart. I truly want you to be happy again with me still being a part of your life.

Well, a mistake is a mistake. I know I don't have the right to ask anything from you when I have foolishly betrayed your trust in me. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another opportunity to prove to you how much I love you, I will be very, very relieved indeed. For that would mean I still have the chance to love and cherish you as you deserve, and a chance to make your future a happier one with more laughter and fewer tears.

Lastly, I just want to say that I have faith in my love for you. I have faith that we will overcome the odds and make our relationship even better than before. Give me another chance and I have faith that, one day, we will look back at this and be glad that we didn't walk away from each other.

Loving you always,

What to Say (and NOT to Say) If You Are Caught Cheating

Things to say in your apology...
Things NOT to say...
I made some very bad choices.
Bad choices were made. (Avoid the passive voice.)
I was extremely selfish.
You weren't giving me everything I need. (This is a dumb excuse and blames your partner.)
I broke promises.
You have made mistakes in the past, too. (Don't try to shirk responsibility now.)
I didn't consider your welfare.
I'm sure you'll recover eventually. (This is not for you to say.)
I risked your health.
I don't know what came over me. (Don't distance yourself from your decision to cheat.)
I risked our children's home and happiness.
If you love our kids, you'll take me back. (You're the one who broke the home, not your partner.)
Please forgive me.
You have to forgive me. (This is an unfair demand.)

Example Letter #2 Apologizing for Cheating

Sometimes, it will be hard to demand forgiveness from your partner when you have cheated on him/her. For all the hurt you have caused, you might not want to put unnecessary pressure on your partner to reconcile with you. In fact, what you simply want may be just for him/her to be happy.

Dearest [ __________ ],

First let me say how sorry I am for the hurt that I have caused you. I know an apology now will do little to heal the pain. I know it's useless to say sorry when the mistake is unforgivable. But neither do I want to remain silent as if I don't care one bit about what I have done and the bitterness it brought you.

Not many can live with the idea of being cheated upon. Few can put the past behind them and revive a troubled relationship. Not many can find happiness with a partner who has betrayed their trust. I understand that perfectly. The wound in your heart requires time to heal and it is only right that I allow you the space to do so.

This relationship of ours is now at a crossroads, but I know that the decision of where we go from here is not mine to make. I relinquished that right when I cheated on you. If you feel that you can no longer love me the way you used to, I will accept your decision, although it will be with a ton of regret and sadness. Because deep in my heart, I still love you and wish fervently for a chance for our relationship to bloom once again.

But to me, what matters is your happiness and well-being. If you can no longer feel love, trust, and security in our relationship and wish to walk away, I won't stop you. Once again, I'm truly sorry for what I have done. Whatever you decide, all I want is just for you to be happy and for the pain in your heart to go away. And hopefully, it will, one day, very soon.

Thinking of you,

What NOT to Do in an Apology

  • Don't make it worse by exaggerating, lying, back-pedaling, or making excuses.
  • Don't include the word “but” (“I’m sorry, but…”). This word cancels the apology and turns it into a criticism or an excuse.
  • Don't bring up your partner's previous words or deeds. A sincere apology will remain focused on your actions, not on the other person’s. Instead of saying "you," use "I" statements and take ownership.
  • Don't assume that you will be forgiven. You can ask for forgiveness, but you can't demand it.
  • Don't play word games or twist the responsibility around. “I’m sorry that you feel hurt,” is not an apology. “I’m sorry I hurt you" is a lot better. Own your behavior and apologize for it.
  • Don't try to get them to share the blame. This is no time to point a finger at your partner and accuse them, all or in part, for your actions.
  • Don't use the passive voice and take full ownership for your actions. Say "I made mistakes," not "mistakes were made."
  • Don't get all wrapped up in your own feelings. This is no time to overdramatize your own pain or remorse. This is your partner's turn to feel sad, not yours.
  • Don't downplay the cheating. If your partner sees your actions as infidelity but you don't, don't argue. Read What Is Considered Cheating (From a Man's and a Woman's Point of View) for more information.

Poll: Why Did You Cheat?

If you have to pick one, what would be your main reason for cheating?

See results

Apologizing does not mean that you are always wrong and the other person is always right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

— Unknown

Example #3 Apology Letter With a Separation Request (If You Can't Promise to Stop Cheating)

If you want to initiate a separation after you have cheated on your partner, you can also explain that in your apology letter. While that seems a little cruel, sometimes, we may indeed need to be cruel in order to be kind, especially if we know the relationship will not last.

Dear [ __________ ],

A successful relationship is built on love, respect, and trust, and when trust is broken, it is not easy to rebuild. It is me who allowed the trust to evaporate overnight between us with my selfishness and unfaithfulness. For that, I'm really sorry for all the hurt and pain that I have inflicted on you.

I know no amount of apologies will be sufficient to heal the wound in your heart. Because of that, I don't know what else I can do to make you feel better except perhaps for me to allow you the time and space to lessen the pain. A separation would give both of us a chance to collect our thoughts and decide where we want to go from here.

It is not easy to commit a wrong and then walk away. The guilty feeling never fails to gnaw at the heart. As much as I want to say sorry and promise you happiness once again, I also do not want to end up hurting you even more months down the road. It is just too cruel to make promises now that I sincerely do not know whether I will be able to keep, given the many challenges in our relationship to date.

What is done cannot be undone. I have hurt you badly. I have failed to be a faithful partner. I have betrayed the trust you put in me. The onus is now on me to rebuild the foundation of our relationship and regain your trust. But this is also where I fear I will fail horribly. Instead of making things better, I'm just afraid I will end up prolonging your misery.

So that is why I believe a separation is the best plan. Let the dust settle and we will be able to look into our hearts and see a clearer picture of our feelings for each other. If ours is a true love, I'm sure we will find a way back to each other's arms. If we don't, perhaps, it is just not meant to be.

I'm deeply sorry for all the hurt I have caused. I hope the next time we meet, we will both have more clarity. Until then, please take good care of yourself.

Sincerely,

Ways to Show You Are Sorry After You Cheated

Apologizing is the first step, but that's not all you'll need to do. Here's a list of ways to demonstrate your sincerity and physically communicate your remorse.

  • Meet them face-to-face. Instead of passive and "safe" communication, this is the time to go to them.
  • Keep apologizing. Your partner might need to hear it over and over again. Give them time.
  • Show them you love them. If they have forgiven you, thoughtful gifts, deeds, and gestures are in order. How to Say Sorry to the One You Love has some great gift ideas.
  • Follow through on your promises. Do the hard work it will take to actively rebuild your relationship and fix what was broken.
  • Be completely truthful and honest. This includes saying what you need from the relationship.

You Can Apologize...

But you will still need to work on your relationship. Only hard work will allow you to recuperate after an affair.

How Do Couples Heal After One of Them Cheats?

The apology is the first step. This is what comes next:

  1. You'll need to come completely clean and be entirely honest about the extent of your cheating.
  2. You'll need to decide if you're going to stay together to work it through or separate. If you cheated because the relationship is over for you, it's time to tell the truth. Don't put your partner through it all again if you know you aren't fully committed. If you decide to separate, skip to step #6.
  3. You'll need to break contact completely with the person(s) you cheated with. If you're having a hard time stopping, read How to Stop Cheating in 7 Insanely Simple Steps for insight and guidance about your behavior.
  4. You'll need to regain trust. This will take effort, persistence, and time.
  5. Seeing a couple's therapist to get help recovering and dealing with the residual resentments and underlying issues. How to Fix Your Relationship After You’ve Cheated has some good suggestions.
  6. You'll need to figure out why you cheated. There's something wrong—either in your relationship, in you, or both—and it will take a concerted, committed effort to fix it and prevent it from happening again.

Questions & Answers

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        2 weeks ago

        My fiance went through my phone and read indecent messages to me from male friends & messages between a male friend of over 20 yrs (not indecent) & now he thinks that I have been cheating on him. I never responded to the indecent messages nor did I cut them totally off but I have NEVER cheated on him. I truly love this man but now he has moved out (partially) & doesn't talk to me. It's been 6 weeks now & nothing has changed. I know he's hurt & doesn't trust me so I've given him his space, but how long is long enough? It's not fair to me because I feel like I'm waiting for him to come around & he knows this but really has no intentions on forgiving me & trying to work on our relationship.

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        4 weeks ago

        I’ve been with my gf for abt 2 yrs. And before that we were even good frnds for a long time. It was in nearly the first month of our realtionship, while I was talking to a girl she sent some of her picture and I replied on it that u mae me feel horny. My gf read those texts and by lots of forgiveness and everything we moved on. But now its been 2yrs and she does not trusts me! I’ve take care of her I’ve done it all. I'vealso told her, i am not like that it was just a mistake and frm that day I haven’t done anysuch thing. By till now I am unable to regain my trust wht should I do

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        6 months ago

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      • profile image

        Michelle monarch 

        6 months ago

        There are few things to consider , if you are not Human enough to take things secretly , you might find yourself on the wrong side of the law if care is not taken , I was told the same thing before I hacked into my colleagues mobile phone for some reasons . it went slowly for a while and really git me worried . Hacknet107 AT GMAIL DOT COM was really helpful during the time of worry , I hired him becauseci was able to have conversations with a guy on one website who recommended him

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      • profile image

        Gorge William55 

        6 months ago

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      • profile image

        Sandra Gibson 

        6 months ago

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      • profile image

        louis will 

        6 months ago

        MARKFAGERTECH AT GMAIL DOT COM for all types of hacking services. He is a cyber expert in any type of hacking services. It’s been hell trying to locate a genuine hacker, but luckily i recently came across an EC council certified encryption specialist, advanced penetration testing and a computer hacking forensic investigator. A very grounded fellow i must say. If you require the service of a competent hacker you can reach out to him via email MARKFAGERTECH AT GMAIL DOT COM

      • profile image

        jode mulier 

        6 months ago

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      • profile image

        collins jack 

        6 months ago

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      • profile image

        Anonymoose 

        6 months ago

        I have a serious problem like..

        I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for almost two years and in the first year it went well but it started to go down a lot because we are a long distance relationship and he doesnt like ANYTHING i do. Like i am not even allowed to have a bff girl because “she could influence me talking to boys”. Me and him had a lot of fights and i was always the weak one that said sorry in the end and he really never cared.

        He always got mad at me for literally nothings and i know i made some mistakes sometimes but does that mean i am that bad ? Like 20/300 fights were really because of a normal reason.

        As our relationship moved on with forgiveness and all the cute stuff (even if we were fighting once a week ALWAYS. Like there is no week without a fight,and im sick of it) it began to scare me. I am feeling controlled. I gave up all my friends even girls and all my social accounts and im not even allowed to get out or to use wifi just because he doesnt trust me..

        And once we had a fight about me going at one of my best friend’s 18th birthday party and he wouldnt let me go because we were fighting one day before it just because “i wanted to go”. And i went to that party even if we were both mad and not even apologized yet. And that night i got drunk and danced with a friend and he kissed me and as drunk i was i kissed him back. We didnt do anything else but now as it’s been 3 or 4 months since then im feeling guilty because i talked with a boy (old friend) when i went out with one of my friends and as im not allowed to talk with other boys i feel quite bad. Because i’ve had a good time with that old friend of mine and we even took some pics because we didnt talk in ages and i think he likes me and im not into that but i feel so bad because I KNOW that if my bf will find out our relationship will end.. and i don’t want this I really love him so much even after all the shitty things he did.. like 1. I didnt wanna cheat on him i was drunk and 2. Having friends is bad..? I dont like that guy but he is an old friend and i enjoyed talking to him and spending like 3-4 hours with him and other 2-3 friends. That is not cheating.. i don’t consider it.

        I don’t know what am i supposed to do right now.. should i tell my boyfriend about those so i can live without anything stuck in my head or should i keep this secret and see how it goes..

        And about my bf um. Everyone tells me he acts bad and treats me like a trash and that i deserve more from a guy but i just love him even after all the trash he did to me.. like on the first month of our relationship he kept talking with 10 other girls and send me pictures with girls saying “isnt she hot” or “isnt she cute” or he kept telling me things those girl like about him and what he likes about them and i was a fool and just listened to him while i was crying hard because he did not love me..

        i don’t know what to do. I am so lost i want to kms.

      • profile image

        danny vane 

        7 months ago

        i was so happy when i met this amazing man he helped me looked into my wifes phone to know if she is having an affair i was so ovewhlemed that he did a success ful job he is the best and legit try him today and you wont regret you did met markfagertech at gmail dot com

      • profile image

        GoneMissing 

        8 months ago

        The "Apology Letter Asking for Another Chance" would have made me so angry I not only would not have given him another chance but I would have had my lawyers destroy him.

        How pompous to call cheating a "misbehavior", "recklessness" and "indiscretion". I can imagine a man saying "A mistake is a mistake" when it is his mistake. Wonder if he'd feel that way if his wife had been the one doing the cheating.

        A cheater cannot "imagine the bitter tears" or the devastation the faithful partner feels and shouldn't assume they can - saying that they can 'imagine' it just shows how disconnected they are emotionally from the partner for whom they are spouting words of love.

        Asking for a second chance and believing that they, the cheater, can give the betrayed spouse a future of more laughter and less tears shows just how little a cheater comprehends the damage their behavior causes. The future for a betrayed spouse that stays with the cheater is usually FILLED with more tears, years of emotional meltdowns due to triggers caused by the affair, not to mention wondering if they will ever be able to feel the same about the cheater again. They will forever wonder how they compare to the "other" person and why they weren't good enough. They will worry every time the cheater goes out without them or away on business trips. They will always be looking for 'signs' of cheating - wary of all the cheater's online activity, texting, friendships with members of the opposite sex...

        That letter of apology would have made me so angry with a cheating spouse that I would have told my lawyers to "make him bleed' because he obviously thinks I'm an idiot and never loved me.

        You don't cheat on someone you love. And if you don't love them - you leave before you start a new relationship.

      • profile image

        Badlandsbabe 

        10 months ago

        Terrell Sapp...

        You're a douche bag. Any man who is cowardly enough to raise his hands or his voice to a woman whose carrying his child & whom he claims to love but, isn't the least bit concerned & has no issue sleeping with his home boys skank & doing him wrong, she's just as guilty by the way & then you're gonna post about it all in comments trying to justify it all is nothing but a maget, a parasite. Grow up little boy or stick with Molly & continue on your legend in your own mind path to hell.

        You're not boyfriend, husband or Daddy material & have a lot of nerve whipping it out unprotected, spreading your STDs & thinking you're anything more.

        You're vile, disgusting, disgraceful & you haven't even began to know what SORRY is or means.

        Your ex needs to go on without you she's going to have one child & she doesn't need two.

        You're nothing but a baby yourself who isn't mature enough for a girlfriend or a wife, what you need is a binky & a mommy.

        Pathetic. Pass the barf bucket.

        Ain't nothing unique or special about you.

      • profile image

        Eddie Hammond 

        18 months ago

        The thought of your lover going behind your back, lying to you, having an affair is really disturbing, the "secret" phone calls and them acting strange around you makes you start wondering, are they seeing someone else?

        Don't wait any longer! Discover now if your spouse is cheating on you.

        Most people have a sixth sense that their partner is cheating. contact codelordexx@gmail .com to help with a spy service to secretly monitor messages their device .

      • profile image

        J Smith 

        20 months ago

        Cheaters are unable to discernbthe problem with their behavior.

        They are impulsive, and disregarding of established trust.

        One time?

        GOODBYE.

        NO COMPROMISES.

        The End

      • profile image

        Terrell sapp 

        23 months ago

        Okay so here we go been on Molly for a few days and me and my baby mother has been going through our ups and downs she's 32 years old I'm 21 we've been together for 2 years on and off met her in Fort Lauderdale got her out of there and moved her to Orlando to better herself and we just found out a few months ago that she is with child four months pregnant so I've been on Molly for the last past few weeks and me and my baby mother has not been having sex lately so she was at work and we got into a argument and she didn't come home for 3 Days me Thinking With My Dick instead of my head I messed around with my homeboy his so-called girlfriend and ever since then I kept it to myself and tried to just put it in the past but of course whatever is done in the dark will come to the light and when she approached me about it Friday morning I beat her getting mad and that's where I made the biggest mistake of my life as she walked out the door Friday morning at 10:30 and she has been gone ever since she has been texting me crazy outrageous text messages which is understandable because she is hurt and feels betrayed but the text messages are starting to get a little bit easier not too much but just a little then I heard from a friend of ours that she's planning on going back to Fort Lauderdale do you honestly think she will throw away everything that we build and create it together over my foolish mistake I've been texting her and calling her consistently non-stop haven't heard anything got a few text messages back from her but I'm just so lost that incomplete without her I don't even feel like myself everything I do doesn't even feel the same anymore do you guys think that she will come back home to me and we can work it out please feel free comment and let me know thank you so much sincerely through outside and keep me and my baby mother Jessica in your prayers thank you God bless

      • Deborah Demander profile image

        Deborah Demander 

        2 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

        These are interesting letters. Thanks for writing.

        Namaste

      • profile image

        emaaXleighh 

        2 years ago

        HELP PLEASE, i NEED SOME ADVICE.

        He is older, my boyfriend, and with a son. Almost eight years older. His son turned three about six months ago. Now, my boyfriend an I have been together for just a few weeks over a year, and we've always, always been inseparable. He lived with me for about six months in the beginning, but in June moved in with his grandparents to help them with things done around the house that they could no longer do. I understand that. Everything is still fine, we still see each other almost everyday. Now, here is where I get a little messed-up.

        In July, I cheated on him. I was feeling lonely. We went from seeing one another everyday to only seeing each other one a week. That’s a big thing, or was for me anyway. My girlfriend came over, unannounced and her ride had already left. I knew he'd be upset because she is the wild type. So, her and I go hangout with some friends from our forensics class at the college and things just took an unexpected turn. My boyfriends cousin, whom I met him through told me all these nasty stories about him hooking up with other girls, some I called my friends, some I hadn't even heard of. So, out of spite and being hurt, I ended up having sexual relations with another man, who I known for years, but didn't care for. I stooped in the middle, crying, saying I had to go home. Instead, we went to my friends house and stayed there for two days. The night after, I messaged each girl I knew of and asked if my boyfriend had been seeing them behind my back. They all said yes. I told my boyfriend what I had done and what the other girls had told me. He picked me up and he dined it all, and forgave me. All was good, but he was hurting. I could tell. I tried for months and months to give m=him my all and show him it was not going to happen again and that I was going to be with him for the long run and we would work things out like mature adults.

        Two weeks ago, we celebrated our one year anniversary. One week ago, I found out that he had cheated on me July through August.. There was so many text messages, but none saying that he had actually done anything other than just taking and leading the girl on. There were several numbers but one that really stuck with me because I had met this woman, she was married and he had gone over there a time or two and came back with physical evidence that she had done some tattoo work on him. However the messages did not go past the date of August 12th, but around that time he got a new phone.. I called him out on it. I told him how could he be such a coward? I came out the very next day and told him everything and he still denied, denied, denied. I had to find out for myself, when I was so open with him. He let me feel like such a bad partner for so long when in reality, he was just as guilty as I was. Maybe even more considering he felt the need to hid it. We talked it out and came to the conclusion that we would remain partners and we would really work with each other, but I just still feel so terrible. I'm blaming him cheating on myself. Like, if I would have been a better girlfriend, maybe he wouldn’t have felt the need to reach out to other women. I just don't know how to cope with all of this and I need help. I've thought several times that I didn’t want to be with this man, but every time we get into a big arguments and we talk about separating, I can't do it. I can't bear the thought of physically loosing my two boys. My world revolves around them. GIve me some thoughts on how you'd feel/ do/ approach this situation.

      • profile image

        abby 

        2 years ago

        Me and my 3 year boyfriend were having really bad issues. So we took a break but I ended sleeping with someone and he found out. He called me every single insulting word that anyone can think of..

        I don't know what to do to get him back. I do love him and we planned our whole future together and I don't ever want to let him go. I regret what I did with all my soul. And not only that but I know we can finally work out, we had so many issues to work on but I feel this will help us to grow and learn and finally be happy. But how do I do it if he doesn't want to see me or talk to me.

      • profile image

        Shilpa 

        3 years ago

        A heartfelt apology reaches the other heart way faster than ur emails... So guys use all ur brain u can to put the right words and apologise wholeheartedly and i assure u, u will have ur apologies accepted and u too will feel an inner satisfaction of ur true and honest apology.... Good luck.. Never give up.. Always remember patience bears the best fruits.... Happy life...!! :)

      • profile image

        Charolette 

        3 years ago

        Apologies shoukd be from ur heart not that whic u google n then copy paste.. Each and every word of ur apology must be from ur heart n then see its magic... It will work and fix the problem... Try it out!

      • profile image

        respecthaiti87 

        4 years ago

        Wow where can I start I'm edd everyone I cheated on my girlfriend that's my wife now....since she was 18 I been with her and honestly I cheated our whole relationship I snuck around I done everything a cheater would do to keep at his ways and still come home to the women he claims and prize in life for 2 years even after she had our son I kept on countless women and breathes of life taken out of this women she still stayed ????? Puzzled I began to be good hearted great with our son love our built world just taking it day by day and extremely happy and in love but my past suddenly would play it's role and cave me in whenever it feel like it and who's she who's this person why she doing this n that and slowly my wife broke down n cheated after 4 years of being faithful I lost it bro I completely became someone else I lost my cool not going to lie even slapped her couple times not hard but I did just pure hurt coming down and I know how it feels 20x more now that you're in love and happy and gawking and all this great emotion in your heart you felt it means and meant nothing but honestly as a guy that's had experiences and trouble in life with women and falling and forgiving I tell you seriously if your in love stay that way don't torment your love if your truly able to feel that maximum high be with them cherish the moments because when you caused the strife don't expect your heart to not shatter like theres except your wrong and love each other and build until you really in your heart feel like you can't build no more

      • profile image

        jen-love-75054689 

        4 years ago

        @anonymous: I cheated on my husband of 14 years and am also confused and heart broken. I could also use a friend to talk to

      • profile image

        nikki-weberkenny 

        5 years ago

        @anonymous: does a kiss really constitute as cheating when I pulled away, my fiancé left me and I literally want to die I feel as tho im nothing without him I love him more than anything in the world I need advise I never slept with anyone else but I was totally honest with him I need help I need him back he tells me that he loves me but needs time but he moved out after a month of knowing sleeping next to me every night telling me he loves me and making love to me all the time the the past 2 days he changed what do I do...PLEASE HELP

      • profile image

        tonyleather 

        5 years ago

        Nobody EVER gets past someone cheating on them, because it will never be an isolated incident, and the trust is gone forever.

      • norma-holt profile image

        norma-holt 

        5 years ago

        Interesting perceptions on cheating but when one cheats I doubt that an apology is appropriate. Actions, after all, speak louder than words and a leopard doesn't change its spots. At least that's my opinion.

      • Jogalog profile image

        Jogalog 

        5 years ago

        Interesting. I think if someone cheats they need to write their own letter though.

      • profile image

        infoprogirl 

        6 years ago

        Nice letters and interesting lens.

      • takkhisa profile image

        Takkhis 

        6 years ago

        Don't cheat anyone! It's bad.

      • gaga6599 profile image

        gaga6599 

        6 years ago

        Very interesting topic. And letters are nice.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        @anonymous: I cheated on my man that is locked up 5 days ago. I stayed true to him for 7 months till 5 days ago. I'm in love with him! He told me that I can get a gf months ago then a few weeks ago that he knows that I want to have sex. Then said just make sure you use a condom. So my dumb butt did. Then I lied at first telling him I want to a party and 4got my phone and that's why I missed his call that night. So last night I told him that I had sex. His is heart broken. Crying his eyes out to me. He never through I would do it.

        Know I don't know what to do. I have apologized over and over. I wish I could take it back. I just don't know where to go from here. I sit and listen to him vent about I have done to him and US. How can he trust in me again. I need help in where do I go from here.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        @anonymous: Hi heart broken, i would like to hear ur story. love to share mine.

      • profile image

        mumsgather 

        6 years ago

        I have been on the receiving end before but I didn't get a letter of apology. I got a letter from the third party to tell me about it!

      • sukkran trichy profile image

        sukkran trichy 

        6 years ago from Trichy/Tamil Nadu

        if i cheat a person now, definitely another person will cheat me later. this is a law of nature. i don't want to be cheated. sorry no 'cheating' experience. thanks for an interesting read.

      • veronicatarantino profile image

        veronicatarantino 

        6 years ago

        I love this..

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        Hi. I have cheated on my spouse of 9 years. I didn't want to post my story publicly, but I am willing to share it with anyone who wants to listen and perhaps correspond with me, as I will have questions. I also would like to hear your story. Please only people who are good listeners, need respond. Thanks so much.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        guys please help me :( huhuhu

        i don't know whether its cheating or not. but i have boyfriend , we are in our 8 month now. and i live in indonesia he is at india. we never meet directly , we meet at internet. but at july, i used internet, and there's a site that we can talk to stranger . at first i just want to play and having fun when my boyfriend working. then i met with a boy . and i made him my bf. but then i realized then i stop it. and this day , is my bday my real boyfriend told me that this boy sending our chat to my real boyfriend. now my boyfriend sick and he wont take medicine. he just said die and die. what should i do guys? :( i love him so muchhh. even he still talking and chatting with me. but he keep discuss what i have done. i know im wrong.

        p.s :sorry for miss spelling . just want to share

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        @anonymous: same way here, and i wish everyday to fix it.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        @failingmarriage: sometimes a letter wont do for bringing back the trust your partner had on you. it becomes a black mark in our lives!!! :(

      • profile image

        failingmarriage 

        6 years ago

        I love this lense! We all make mistakes and sometimes we do stupid things before we realise how much we love someone. Trying to explain our mistakes is so hard thankyou for helping

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        6 years ago

        i cheated for almost six years now, i really love the woman i cheated on her and i need help i need her back but she is holding back now because she thinks i will hurt her

      • profile image

        kaceyslater1 

        6 years ago

        I think there is no reconcilation when we are talking about infidelity.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        @anonymous: Wholly agree Hurt guy. I just found out about my wife a week ago. I am a step ahead of the game, I already wrote her one (not given to her yet) apologizing for my part of the problem in the marriage that led to what happened. It was lack of communication and me working too much that drove her away lonely for emotional feelings that eventually led to a double edged sword of emotional and physical infidelity. I would hope for her letter without having to prompt for it, If I have to ask, it looses a lot of sincerity for me.

        It was my idea to try to save our 25 year marriage rather than throw her out. Nobody can possibly understand the pain you and I are in without having been there themselves. I am just glad she says she wants to work it out also. Supposedly she has had no contact with the OM and will maintain that. His wife died about 1 1/2 years ago and my wife was working for him so she was helping him with everything. Just the two of them alone in an office all day, the situation was ripe to say the least. I knew that but did not say anything because I wanted to trust her. I wish he had a wife to tell the truth to. I am writing a "letter" to him, not threats but explaining the amount of hurt he has caused us and how he cheapened my wife by sending her home with a salad for me when they were lying and meeting for dinner . Gee, taking my wife is worth a salad to you? What an idiot! I would love revenge but I am not going there. I will write the letter, let my wife read it first, then burn it. \

        I am taking the highest road I can and hope we can come out of this stronger and more in love. there will always be hurt but it should fade with the passage of time as long as we keep going in a forward direction.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        @anonymous: To Dumb Dumb Dumb. Its funny u mentioned all this because i thought of the lenghts my wife can go to in such occasions. Believe me Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. The coldness a warm human being can give out is amazing. I think that everything she did is well deserved. I´m still waiting for my share...and hasn´t come so it is kinda scary. I think the purpose of the site is to give you more or less like a guideline about what to say when words don´t flow easily. The first thing that comes into mind is "oh sh*t". But that aint the best apology. I think that in order to write a sincere apology letter one must really feel the pain.

        However, it is important that you search deep within you if you really want to be with this person. The mind can play tricks on you. Also search what pushed you to take such action.

        All of us cheaters or frustre cheaters deserve to carry a badge of a++hole of the month.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        @anonymous: i cheated on my boyfriend 5 months ago and he found out recently. he hid the fact that he knew i cheated for a week. he said his initial plan was to cheat on me and lie about it while leading me on, then break up with me. instead of doing that, he confronted me. he told me he knew everything. i told him i received sum advice from one of his friends to write him a letter explaining everything, which i did. i actually wrote 2 letters. one letter was descriptive of what we did without being too detailed. the last letter was expressing why i felt like i had to do it. even with both of these letters, he's not satisfied. im at my wits end. im not sure what to do anymore. should keep writing letters until he gets the one he really wants, or give up on letters and just try to make everything work in a different way. please help. i know he loves me because he is still here, but its hard to figure out what i really need to do.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        I cheated on my boyfriend. He trusted me so much. He didn't shout at me when he came to know about it, but left me with this guilty feeling.. I tried everything but he wouldn't listen.. Apology letter feels good but what if he wouldn't read it? any other option better than this?

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        @anonymous: wow - yah, I'd give her kuddos for the creativity too. I also got caught cheating on my husband of 17 years last month. I haven't officially apologized yet but feel I owe him at the very least...I know he doesn't owe me forgiveness in return, but still feel we have had a long history together and he deserves a face-to-face "I f-d up and I'm sorry I did this to you"-type apology. I'll take the tip from you and refrain from copy/paste anything in an email... ;) Best of luck to you.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        Here's what I'd like to get:

        Apology. In writing. Have it include what whe did. "I'm sorry I did x and y and z". An acknowledgement of my pain in a way that showes she is capable of really empathizing and knows how she would have felt in the reverse situation. A statement of commitment to the marriage including a promise to "never again" and a recognition that "she's out of second chances". A promise of what all she's willing to do to regain/rebuild trust and make it up to me. Signed.Complete. Well thought out.

        It should include her expectations of a response, or lack thereof like "I hope you can accept this apology, and while I can't expect instant forgiveness, I hope that someday you CAN forgive me if only so you can eventually release some of the anger and hurt you are feeling to get your life back a little bit."

        NOT just "I'm sorry you were hurt", since that implies maybe it was ok to do it... just not hurt you in the process, or that she's more 'sorry she got caught'.

        NO excuses. No attempts to justify. Even though there were triggers there was NOTHING that I EVER did to deserve this pain, so don't even go there. Admit it was unjustified/iable, selfesh, wrong.

        Then read it to me face-to-face and give me a singed copy.

        That would really be putting herself out there, risk of it being used against her somehow, etc, but there is never going to be trust without taking some big "Trust" risks on her part.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        @fluffyclouds: There has to be face to face as well, but a letter gives someone time to choose words carefully. It's also harder (therefore more valuable) to put it down on paper and sign it.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        I just got caught cheating so.......I thought one of the letters here would work perfect and help smooth over the situation. So i cut and pasted it to an email and sent it to my very distraught wife. Unfortunately, for me, she is much smarter than I thought. She Googled the whole letter and found this site!!! As a token of her appreciation in regards to my sincere effort to rectify my slight "lapse of judgment" she bleached my whole wardrobe and shaved my dog. Our fine dishware seems to be super glued together.....I did give her points on creativity there. She also had the audacity of putting heaping pile of damp dog sh*t in my cigar cabinet and epoxy glued the whole thing shut!!! That's just mean. So she left me in an email with the Declaration of Independence copied into it and stated that she's "blowing my lawyer who now and he feels very sympathetic to her situation and that any retard can copy a freaking letter and paste it in and email you plagiarist man whore parasite". Maybe copying a letter off the internet was not the best approach. Just saying....

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        7 years ago

        Different things work for different people and situations. Every person must find out what works for them. Nice lens.

      • fluffyclouds profile image

        fluffyclouds 

        8 years ago

        A letter seems like the most INsincere way to approach the situation. Face-to-face if you want it fixed - a letter won't cut it.

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        8 years ago

        What a f-cking copout. You can say ''Hey, I cheated. Now I am going to leave because that's the easier thing to do."

      • profile image

        anonymous 

        8 years ago

        great letter / great intro or ice-braker, thanks. I'm going to use it for my wife since I did her wrong.

      working

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