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Why Do Men Look For Flaws?

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.


We all have flaws however being in a relationship with guy who consistently looks for these flaws can be a real emotional downer...

Have you ever been with a guy who seems to nitpick about everything? I have. He points out your flaws—both physical traits and personality characteristics—as if you didn’t know they already existed.

We may be oblivious to certain perceptions we have of ourselves, but that is not an excuse to be criticized all the time!

If you are really lucky, a guy who looks for flaws will spend more time reminding you of all the things that are wrong versus giving you compliments (that I’m sure you deserve). After a while, his ability to constantly point out your flaws will become a nuisance; especially coming from a guy who is far from perfect! Clearly, it is time to move on.

Let's keep it real, everyone is guilty of finding flaws in another...regardless if we have openly expressed our personal findings or have kept them in our thoughts.

It is human nature to have—at one point or another—pointed out someone’s flaws. Whether we make judgments out of spite or because we genuinely believe they will benefit from our opinions, pointing out imperfections and weaknesses can be very hurtful. Additionally, when it becomes a necessity in a relationship there is something wrong.

Now, why do men look for flaws?

Ultimately, looking for a woman’s flaws is surface crap—it has nothing to do with who you truly are. When men purposefully look for things that are wrong with us—for argument’s sake, it’s solely to hide their deeper issues.

Although most men who look for flaws tend to be attractive on the outside, the emotional issues they carry with them degrade their good looks. Every time they talk about your particular flaw like it is the hot topic of the day, they usually do so because they are either insecure, emotionally wounded, or both. And yes ladies, even attractive men have insecurity issues.

However, does a partner like this really think that flaw-awareness is a panty dropper? No—it is far from it! We just love to hear what’s wrong with us, right ladies? Are you kidding me!

So, what makes a guy insecure?

1. Not feeling as if he is “good enough”—one reason being: financial issues...

He probably is not making enough money to feel stable, and he thinks he needs a higher income to secure his financial worth. The sad thing is that by waiting to be financially set, he is prolonging finding love.

2. Insecurity can also be caused by comparison...

Read More From Pairedlife

Yes, men compare themselves to other men constantly—just like we do as women—causing self-esteem issues. Men tend to compare themselves to their fathers, friends, coworkers, actors, and even your ex-boyfriends. This lowers their self-esteem—causing major insecurity issues, especially if they grew up not feeling adequate and supported.

Who wouldn’t have insecurity issues if you were consistently comparing yourself to everyone else? If you look hard enough, there will always be someone more intelligent, more successful, more attractive, in better shape, better endowed, and the list goes on and on and on…Ugh!!!!

Unfortunately, instead of being happy for the “better” man’s success, insecurities form from envy and jealousy. If anything, comparisons should be motivation, not a deterrent from accepting all that you are—flaws included.

3. When a guy is emotionally wounded, he will look for flaws to protect his own heart...

Whether this man’s heart was broken from an unloving mother, or by the first girl he loved, he will protect his heart with a shield of armor. His tactic is to focus on your flaws so that he has a reason not to move forward in the relationship. Yikes!

Focusing on your flaws will also justify (to him) why you don’t deserve to fully have his love. If you put this together with his insecurities, this can be a very dysfunctional relationship. Great.

Ladies, having a guy who consistently point out your flaws is not only emotionally draining it is extremely hurtful. No one enjoys thinking that they are never good enough. As woman we can already be our own worst critics, why be in a relationship with a guy whose best complement “grade” always comes with a minus attached?

Bottom line, no one is perfect; however, you should never feel undervalued or unworthy by the person you are dating. If a guy is stubborn and refuses to see how fabulous you are, then walk away—he will realize how flawless you are when he meets his rebound…because no woman is perfect.


This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


Martin on November 13, 2017:

Maybe you just have garbage taste in guys, and are trying to apply your .0000000000001% of experience with men as a whole to MOST men. Biased, self entitled and hypercritical "article."

Albert on April 04, 2017:

Hi there, I see a red flag in this articlewher it is black and white evaluation. Despite the first reaction to be neutral in stating that everyone has flaws. It is another to write the article in what you actually believe in - which is that the guy must be insecure. There was no assessment on what the insecurity was. Or simply the insecurity could arise from the lack of time to help the significant other to improve their weakness either due to health and finance constraints. Then the guy will usually break it up out of the blue or stubbornly hang on. This behavior doesn't show up in just relationships but investing as well. Maybe there should be more time spent in asking these questions to ourselves.

Solo on December 19, 2015:

I went through this with a guy before, and a few others. When you hear it enough you sometimes believe it because it's not a one time thing. I do believe that you don't have to hurt anyone to make yourself feel better. There have been guys I wasn't attracted to, but I would try to work on a friendship with that person instead of saying negative things.

Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on June 12, 2013:

DDE, that is completely usually happens when someone doesn't feel good about themselves, they'll pick apart someone else. This is called being a bully. Thank you for reading!

Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on June 12, 2013:

So true marketeconomy, I've written about a man who's insecure as well as controlling but haven't published yet...soon to come. Thank you for reading!

Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on June 12, 2013:

Good point dashingscorpio, however I think it's both or at least it was from the guy I wrote this article about; he was insecure and jealous and therefor placed his fears onto me. I appreciate you reading and I love all your feedback. Thank you!

Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on June 12, 2013:

Thank you all for reading!

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 11, 2013:

Guys who do such things are just trying to find the most unnecessary thing to pick on and want to blame the other for something totally uncalled for, I haven't come across such guys and glad I didn't Dating is tough and to find the one is not easy either great thoughts here.

marketeconomy on June 10, 2013:

I think it is their insecurities that lead them to try to control their partner. It is a form of mind control (as posted by dashingscorpio), but they would not have to resort to this tactic if they were secure with who they were as a person.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 10, 2013:

I don't think guys do this because (they) are insecure. I believe they do it to make the woman insecure. It is a form of mind control. The more he does it she starts to believe she is "lucky" that he is still with her and all of her flaws. When someone feels "lucky" to have you they tend to bend over backwards to keep you happy. I wrote a hub on this topic awhile back.

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