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Why You Should Avoid the Surviving Infidelity Forums After Discovering an Affair

You're Angry - So You Should Avoid Other Angry People

Surviving infidelity is, at the time of the discovery, a challenge that can feel almost insurmountable. To find out that your spouse has cheated on you can leave you so blindsided and unable to wrap your head around the reality of the situation that you don't even know where to start.

Of course, this is the internet age and no matter what happen to us, good or bad, we appear to reflexively hit internet forums and discussion boards to talk about it. To tell you the truth, there really is nothing wrong with that, especially since coping with a marital affair will make most humans crave anonymity, especially when they feel humiliated by the betrayal and the implied rejection.

There's just one problem with the kind of comfort and advice you find online – a great deal of it is highly-UNqualified and in some cases, perhaps even dangerous. That isn't to say that you can't get solid opinions from people, but imagine a world where there was no anonymity online. If everyone had to virtually sign their name to every statement they published online, you can be sure the webosphere would change quite drastically.

Case in point with the Surviving Infidelity Forums, where you'll find both those who've discovered an affair going on behind their backs, and in some cases, those who were cheated on in the past and have yet to move on. Those people remind me of someone I know.

That someone is very close to me hand ad been quite hurt by her husband and she was naturally angry about the situation. However, as the months carried on, she appeared to get angrier and angrier and contrary to what happens in most cases, she dwelled on the situation more and more.

This started to cost her friends who once sympathized for her and were there to have her cry on their shoulders. But her never ending bitterness and animosity eventually repelled them.

If you're reading this right now, it's likely because of the unfortunate reality that you're in a lot of pain right now. As full of thoughts as your mind might be right now, try to keep a couple of things in mind – before you seek advice online, qualify the help by two criteria:

1. How reliable is the person dispensing the advice? Great if “StarUncle45” on the Surviving Infidelity forums tells you whatever's on his mind, but he can get away with saying whatever he chooses. Not the same case for qualified individuals who will put their names to the advice they dispense.

2. If whoever you speak to encourages you to be angry about the situation, lock them out of your life. Do you have a right to be angry? Yes, you do. Is it healthy to spend your days wishing your spouse dead? No. In order to start the healing process, it's imperative that you flush the negative. Yes, it's challenging, but it can be done.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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Julius berger on August 31, 2018:

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SI fan on January 04, 2018:

You sound as if you're upset your husband won't reconcile after you've cheated. Is this the case?

betrayed1 on March 02, 2017:

As a former member of that website I have to disagree with you. No one on that website either condones or promotes violence. Most betrayed spouses like myself feel alone and isolated. We are embarrassed, confused and have no one aside from a couple of close friends we can talk to about it. But unless the friend has been through a similar thing, they have no idea where you are at. Advice, regardless of where it comes from, needs to be heard, weighed, and judged if it makes sense for you as a person. One thing I can tell you about being able to be anonymous is that you can be honest with how you feel without worry that you will be judged. The people on that site always guide you to get help through counseling. Always. They also specify that the counselor be experienced in infidelity. So either you have never been on the site or your post is self-serving and you're trying to further your career. I'm not sure which

Emily Blake on March 14, 2016:

i just want to reach out to anyone who needs help solving relationship problems(trust issues). i believe you should reach out to netcrawler247@gmail.com, i did when i was having troubles believing the love of my life wasn't cheating on me, by then i reached out and he helped by hacking into her phone and their was nothing for her to hide from me. so clear your doubt and know if He or She is the right partner for you or u are leaving in a lie. be smart.

ThunderKeys on August 12, 2012:

As an experienced couples counselor I have to agree with you 100% It's incredible how harmful those forums can be both to a the individual recovery process or to the process of saving the marriage (which can be done in most cases with the right counseling and if both partners are willing to do the work).

Great Hub! Voted up, interesting and useful.

Tanlynn Abbott (author) on March 28, 2011:

I just read your comment while drinking my morning coffee and you just gave my caffeine that extra little bit of kick. Thank you Reynold...will check out your Hub. ;-)

Reynold Jay from Saginaw, Michigan on March 25, 2011:

Unqualified! Yep! I enjoyed this very much. You have this laid out beautifully and it is easy to understand. Keep up the great HUBS. Up one and Useful. Hey! I'm now your fan! If you visit my HUB with Linda, please leave a brief a comment as it will brighten her day. RJ

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