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Why Men Pick the "Uglier" Girl to Be Their Mistress

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Why Do These Girls Become Mistresses?

Why Do These Girls Become Mistresses?


As much as it sickens me to admit, I have been the other woman in two separate relationships. Please keep the heckling to yourself. Believe me, this is not something I am, by any means, proud of and is far from the woman I am today.

But, a question was posed, “Why do men always cheat with uglier woman than their significant other?” After I got over the initial sting of being labeled “the uglier one,” it got me thinking why this is, in most cases, the truth.

Why was I always picked as the back-up plan and never the leading actress? I wouldn’t say it was my physical appearance that was “uglier,” though I’m sure that’s up for debate, but I would say emotionally I was hideous. This is like lamb chops to a lion for cheating men. Men don’t want to put more elbow grease into a relationship. They already have the trophy girl; they want someone who is going to be up for: waiting by the phone for the calls day in and day out, sneaking around, never going on actual dates and feeling miserable about themselves. Now, who better for this than girls who already feel miserable about themselves?

In most cases, men aren’t looking for someone to “date.” They are looking for someone to have sex with and feed their egos. They aren’t going to go hunting for beautiful, successful, put-together women at business functions. They are going to find someone who’s crying into their beer at a crusty saloon. That girl is prime picking for the “other woman.”

These girls are so desperate for attention that they will blindly believe the: my-wife-is such-a-bitch-and-I’m-filing-for-divorce-next-week line of bull. They don’t think they deserve better than getting stood up night after night and truly believe that the one night a month/year they get with their lover is heaven on earth.

All I can hope for is that one of them is reading this right now and realizing that, “Holy crap, that’s me!” Don’t be someone’s second-best. Don’t do that to another woman. There is no one on this earth who deserves the pain of being in this disgusting situation. You deserve better. You are better than that. I know what you’re thinking, “Being with them is better than being alone.” Is it? Really? You like this feeling? I didn’t think so.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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Karina on June 04, 2018:

BeingOtherWoman, what you need is a good kick in the behind! Do you really think you are his first choice. Believe me, he is just using his daughter as an excuse to have his cake and eat it too. If he was unhappy and really wanted to make you official, he would divorce his wife and be with you only. How can you be so stupid. It's so sad how some women are so naïve and have no morals and self respect. I bet if his wife found out about you tomorrow he'll drop you like a bad habit in a heartbeat.

Sonya on May 22, 2018:

I just posted this on facebook in hopes that my husband's mistress reads this and recognizes the undying similarity in her actions.

Li on April 28, 2018:

any relationship is as good as its truth.

Wife, he is cheating on you. deal with it and deal with the character issues the man YOU chose possesses!

Mistress, you are his flavour of choice today, and good thing you know he is a greedy liar and manipulator,so he might feel like something sooner or later.With that said,you are the lucky one in this equation because you don't have a bullshit paper and bullshit vows tying you to his shit 'til death do you part'.

Wife if its any REAL consolation, he will come back to you, and thank you for all your patience,insecurity and tears over the years he was getting ego boosted. He will come back to his family life when he has exploited all his adventure and thrill time.

I don't think anyone is better in this. We are bare our cross...by choice it seems

Ashley on April 25, 2018:

You made GREAT points. I am married to a constant cheater and this has helped me understand why all the other women that I have found out about were older, or in serious relationships themselves. The whore may think she's not second, but at the end of the day she always is and always will be. It is hard to not give your marriage a shot when you have three children so I have had to put up with a lot. MEN SUCK. If you throw the right woman at them they will take the bait every single time.

Miss lally on March 14, 2017:

Can I just say,bullshit. My ex had a girlfriend who was the fuck ugly one.not smarter or nicer than me and as a short fat girl with glasses? compared to me, tall thin and pretty? Nope. I found out? I played ten shades of hell as of then.he had her because he wanted to live in London and this so called girlfriend was his key. She was the sad case and when I found out, I could not believe this chubby childish woman officially had my guy,although he refused to admit it, her social media hero worship of him said it all. I ended things because as a smart beautiful woman who dumped 2 guys I had been seeing for him to find he was a prostituted to London's miss piggy? I was done. Sorry. Just because you are/were insecure unsuccessful and unattractive? dont tar me with that.

Belle on March 04, 2017:

I can relate.....this article is very I formative and valuable. Just days ago I was hit on by a married man. Couldn't understand why at first. I was out with no make up on, hair looking like Medusa, dressed in gym clothes and sneakers. His wife is drop dead gorgeous on FB. The next day I sent him pics at his request. I had my hair done, my nails and makeup done, with heels and a pink short dress on. The man was in shock! I could tell by his surprise and loss for words, he never expected me to be this pretty. He definitely expected for me to be desperate, lonely and sitting by the phone waiting on him. Not happening here!

Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on July 09, 2012:

After men marry, they have their trophy, and they do not feel it necessary to look for a mistress with everything they want in a wife. They are not wife hunting. They are sex and attention hunting, and they do not care how ugly the faces or organs are. Some men marry ugly women because they are smart enough to know that beauty is not everything. Beauty fell in love with the beast while he was ugly, and their life was beautiful ever after! Many a beautiful woman has been dumped for less beauty. Follow the celebrities. They do it often. Why? They probably married for beauty instead of love. Even so, their new marriage may not work because it was founded upon wrong doing, cheating.

Some men who have everything they need at home still cheat because they want variety. Variety means one or more women aside from the wife. These are men who should not have gotten married. They wanted their cake and to eat it, too. A woman who holds on to a married man for years knows she is being taken for a ride, but she is addicted to him, and it hurts to pull away. In contrast, battered wives often stay with their husbands because they are addicted to them.

I am voting up, helpful, and interesting. Thanks for sharing.

Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on July 09, 2012:

You have gotten an A+ education on the reality of being the other woman! This is indeed a great read.

I have never been the other woman, but I have been the wife and went through a number of my husband's infidelities. After they were all over, I concluded, having gotten my education, too, that the other woman was not in the better position. Not that the wife was having a party, but she was the innocent one in my situation

I was married twice and divorcd the first one because of his incessant cheating. He cheated with many women, but did not choose either when he remarried. Later, when we were able to talk some, he said that a woman who goes with a married man is not for him because she would cheat on him. I thought that he was a selfish ogre. He himself was a cheater, and felt that he was a fine catch for any woman he chose. His second wife dealt with infidelities as I did.

Most married men would keep their wives if they would not leave them. I can see a forgiveness or two, but unrelenting cheating is inexcusable. So, I said to myself, "Leave that creep!"

Funny on July 02, 2012:

Oh dear,"Being the other woman",you really are just that,THE OTHER WOMAN!He still goes home to his wife whilst you sleep alone,you still knowingly "share" a man whilst she probably doesn't know you exist!Prolonging it any further will mean that even if he does leave her,his daughter will blame you and his relationship with her will always mean more than what you think you share.He might even tell his wife everything he tells you and she thinks he is the perfect husband too!If e chooses his wife,you'd have just wasted 10 years of your life on a lie (it would mean he doesn't really love you afterall).All I'm saying is,you have nooooo idea what he's like at home because you're not there,you are only repeating what he's told you,which could be a lie.You my dear are a class act!!!!ANY WOMAN WILLING TO SHARE A MAN & THINK HE LOVES HER IS AS DUMB AS THEY GET!When I found out my husband cheated I left him immediately,even after all the time we were together!why would I be with someone who was with someone else!lo and behold the love of his life (mistress) was dumped immediately and blamed for everything,ignored by his family oh yeah and he's now begging me!Open your eyes my dear,because when the fantasy bubble bursts,you will fall and hurt the most.10 years hahahaha...geez,No wonder people think we're the weaker species.

Jean Bakula from New Jersey on June 25, 2012:

I think you changed and grew a lot, and it was brave of you to write this. Men will choose anyone who is available. That's the whole crux of the matter. I have a neighbor who will sleep with any guy that moves. She has caused all kinds of embarassment to all of us, because most of us have known each other for 30 yrs. and are friends. So whenever a man has a fling with her, it's so awkward. I feel sorry for her. But she talks to me, and always tells me "he's the love of my life." I guess in her mind she needs to believe that, although how she can have so many "loves of her life" is beyond my realm of comprehension, I've been married for 33 years. She has a bubbly personality and is fun, but is very plain looking. The men tell her "she's beautiful", or again, this is in her mind. It's so pathetic. Men will take whatever they can get. Do you think any of them will care for her when she's sick, or loan her children money (they have various fathers, it appears the grandparents were wealthy and paid and mostly raised her kids). Don't settle for less than you could have. You deserve the best, you just have to believe it.

Liv Carradine from Los Angeles, CA on June 20, 2012:

BeingOtherWoman, the fact still remains that you are just a mistress. As long as he is married to another woman on paper and in the eyes of the law, you are a mistress. My grandparents were separated but still married when my grandfather died. Though he lived with his mistress, no one would acknowledge their relationship when it was time to handle his funeral. They needed my grandmother to sign for everything. In the eyes of the law and God, you are nobody to him. Nobody.

Nicole A. Winter from Chicago, IL on March 01, 2012:

BeingOtherWoman: It sounds like your "man" is in a poly-amorous relationship. Kudos to both of you if that's your bag, but it's *not* what Ashley is talking about here. (And honestly, come on, REALLY?!?, you should know that!) She's talking about men who are CHEATING on their wives. Without their consent or knowledge. Obviously you've her knowledge if not her consent if you meeting his family and taking up hours of his time. Being poly shouldn't put labels on people like first and second, there only IS. Men who are cheating are "putting one over," on their wives. They're taking something emotionally, physically and mentally from their wives. Doesn't sound like your situation, so why be offended?

Angela Blair from Central Texas on February 29, 2012:

Oh, my -- been there, done that and after 10 years we finally married. Now I can say I been there and done that, too -- didn't work. I think I was young and was more enamored with being in an elicit affair than I was in love with the man -- it can be exciting for a while. Looking back I have to laugh at myself -- did find true love -- a whole different thing for me. Great Hub that took great courage -- glad you found Mr. Right. Best/Sis

dosborne08 from Pembroke Pines, FL on February 06, 2012:

BeingOtherWoman,

You mention, " I am NOT hidden away". Does his wife know about you? Why hasn't he divorced his wife? As long as he is married to her, and not you, tt seems that you are "second best". However that is just my opinion. I am not trying to be mean, but your perception may be different than reality. I understand you were not aware that he was married, but you are now. Being in a relationship with a married man is not a "healthy relationship".

Ashley Rae (author) from Coleman, WI on February 06, 2012:

Well, that is exactly what I thought with my three year affair. However, in retrospect, I believe if I was "the number one option" he would be with me. No money could have stopped my love for him so why did it stop his for mine? Just because he calls you on his way to work or his family likes you, doesn't necessarily mean you're number one. He is still seeing someone else. Someone that he may or may not love but he isn't tempted enough to do so. Now, I'm not referring exactly to you, because I know how I felt in my "relationships" and I would NEVER have listened to something like this. I am making this a general hub. I do not know you or your relationship but am glad you are happy in your situation.

BeingOtherWoman from United States on February 06, 2012:

WOW!! Really?!?!?!? I'm in a relationship with a married man. I didn't meet him at a seedy bar...I've known him for years. We lost touch, but got reacquainted about 11 years ago. I didn't know he was married at the time.

We have been together for 10 years now. I do NOT wait by the phone hoping that he will come see me. I am NOT hidden away. I most certainly am NOT someone he just has sex with. If I was all of those things, I would not be with this man. He sees me every night after work, sometimes staying for hours, sometimes just to get a hug and kiss before heading off to home and his daughter. We talk on the phone daily. He calls on his way to work and when he gets out of work.

We have a relationship. We go out, we visit family (both his and mine), we work around my house....and we do it all as a couple. Sure, the sex is great, but it's not the focus of our relationship.

We have a bond that is apparent to anyone who comes in contact with us, including his aunts, uncles and cousins. So, why isn't he divorced? Because divorce is expensive and I'm not about to tell him he needs to move away from his daughter. Sometimes, divorce isn't an option.

Like I said, I don't wait by the phone for him. I have a full, active life. When my man and I aren't together, I go out with friends, I play volleyball and tennis, I go on vacation either alone or make it a "girls' week". I enjoy time alone, also. I catch up with my reading and just relax.

I was talking to his cousin the other day and she said that she would never consider ME as "the other woman"...but that's how she thinks of his wife. So, second best? I think not.

dosborne08 from Pembroke Pines, FL on February 04, 2012:

Ashley,

It takes a confident and strong (you are both of these things now) person to tell the world about your shortcomings. You are absolutely right about the men choosing the weaker women. The strong confident woman with pride will not settle for being second. Men are wrong for the cheating, and the enlightened "other women" are making it way too easy for men to carry on these affairs.

Dean

StrictlyQuotes from Australia on February 04, 2012:

Wow! You've made some really interesting points on this subject. I think there are men who will cheat simply because they believe they can get away with it, and the person they chose to do it with is the person who they think they can talk into having a 'secret' liaisons with who will also let them get away with it, that's the main aim and looks don't really come into it.

Stevethepainter from Illinois on February 03, 2012:

well said.

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