Jorge dreams a lot and is occasionally able to decipher the complex network of symbolism in them. (But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.)
Dreaming That Your Partner is Cheating: What Does That Mean? Are They Really Betraying Your Trust?
Did you have a weird dream recently that your boyfriend or girlfriend (or husband or wife, etc.) was cheating on you? Did the dream disturb you enough that now you’re wondering if you should be worried?
Dreams have long been looked to as sources of prophecy throughout many cultures, but does that prophecy extend to your personal life? Could it be that your dreams are telling you that your partner is indeed cheating?
Well, the answer is not quite that simple. That’s probably not what you want to hear in a time of uncertainty, but the truth is that it really depends on a few factors.
Could Your Dream Be Predicting Your Partner’s Cheating?
The truth is that dreams are often a window into the subconscious. Sometimes you might dream about random things that don’t seem to mean anything at the time, and other times, you might have a dream that is eerily close to real life.
If you keep having recurring dreams that your partner is getting frisky with someone else, this could be a huge indication that at the very least, your partner’s (dis)loyalty is weighing heavily on your mind. In other words, whether your partner is cheating or not, a dream like this could mean that deep inside, you suspect that they are!
Your gut could be trying to send you the message that you simply don’t trust your partner. However, this doesn’t mean they actually are cheating, of course. Still, whether they are actually running off with someone else or not, if you can’t shake the feeling that you don’t trust your partner, then this needs to be addressed, of course.
Don’t ignore the early signs of distrust. If you feel weird about something, bring it up with your partner. If you can’t have an open conversation about your feelings with them without fear that they will judge you or be offended, then there are deeper problems there than simply a dream.
It Could Be Your Own Insecurity Flaring Up
On the other hand, dreaming that your partner is cheating might not have anything to do with your partner at all. It could be all about you! Dreams are full of symbolism, and this could be your subconscious’ way of telling you that you are insecure.
Think about your past relationships. Were you clingy and jealous in all of them? Are you that way now? Do you tend to be paranoid? If that’s the case, then of course eventually those kinds of thoughts will leak into your dreams. We often dream about what we’re thinking about during the day, especially repetitive thoughts.
So next time you’re awake, keep an eye on your thoughts. Follow the narrative of where your thoughts are going and be more conscious of them, and you might be surprised to find how many insecure thoughts you have about your partner in a day.
If you find that it’s a lot, there are ways to cut it down. Even if your partner is cheating, being paranoid and insecure doesn’t help at all. You want to face these kinds of situations with a clear mind. So follow these steps to take some of the emotion out of it:
- Watch your thoughts and notice when you are having an insecure thought about your partner’s disloyalty. (This takes practice. It’s okay if you forget and fall into the narrative sometimes. Just notice when you can.)
- Don’t try to suppress the thought. Let yourself have it, then follow it where it goes. You’ll find that your mind makes up thoughts on its own and then these thoughts go wild in a lot of different directions. Just watch where it goes. Have fun with it if you can manage it.
- Experience the thought without judging yourself. Sometimes this is hard, though, especially if you find that your thoughts lead somewhere painful. For example, you might discover to your horror that your brain is actually making up images and sceneries of your partner cheating. (That’s what your brain was doing at night while you were dreaming, right? It does this during the day, too, and you might not even notice unless you look!)
- Gently let go of the thought. Again, don’t suppress the thoughts! Just allow yourself to see them as what they are—merely thoughts—and try to let them go. Acknowledge each thought as it comes up (your brain simply wants you to know that it’s thinking these thoughts, and if you say ‘Yep, I heard you,” it will often leave you alone once it knows you received the urgent message). Yes, this can be difficult if you have a lot of those thoughts coming up, but try to remain vigilant.
- Notice patterns. Once you’ve seen and acknowledged a number of these thoughts, try to figure out the root of where they might be coming from. Sometimes just following them is enough for your mind to help you find the core reasons. Sometimes you will have to prod a little more and ask your subconscious to give you more information.
If you are able to successfully find a pattern, you now have the opportunity to learn something new about yourself. You may discover, for example, that this whole time you thought that you were over your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you in high school, but actually, you were carrying that baggage around this whole time because the experience made you feel worthless.
Or, you might discover something as simple as the fact that you genuinely feel there is something “off” in your current relationship, and that you’re wondering if your partner is getting his or her needs fulfilled.
At any rate, from this point of awareness, you can actually address the real problem underneath!
Keep a Notebook by Your Bed
As with any recurring dream, keeping a notebook by your bed and writing the details of the dream when you wake up can be helpful.
In the dream, what type of images show up? Is your partner betraying you with someone who is "hotter" than you, or are they getting down with a hideous monster? Depending on what you see, these could be clues to the source of the issue.
Be mindful of the patterns in your dreams.
Become Lucid in Your Dream and Ask Your Dream Characters About Your Partner
Another approach you might take is to directly interact with your dream characters in the dream and ask them what’s going on. Tap your cheating dream-partner on the shoulder and hear what they have to say. They may be able to reveal some helpful information, and it’s a direct line to your subconscious. Of course, that’s not always the case, since dreams can be full of random things, but you might discover something that you didn’t expect.
To be able to do this, you will have to be lucid in the dream. This means that you’ll have to be aware of the fact that you’re dreaming. Naturally, this is a skill that you will have to have developed beforehand, but sometimes it can happen spontaneously. If you’re an avid lucid dreamer, though, then this would be a good case to flex your skills—even if what you find might not be totally pleasant.
Even just being aware of the patterns of your dreams, though—like you’re doing now while reading this article—can actually help you have a lucid dream! In the middle of the dream, you might remember and think, “Oh yeah, I’ve had this dream before, I even asked Google about it,” and then you will be conscious enough to talk to the dream characters and ask for answers.
At the end of the day, your partner probably isn’t cheating. Having anxiety dreams about being betrayed are actually pretty common! Still, you might want to talk to your partner about it, just to ease your mind and stop yourself from dreaming about it so much.
Your Cheating Dreams
Telling the Non-Dream Version of Your Partner
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2018 Jorge Vamos
Graczy17 on August 20, 2018:
Been dreaming about it and all in my dreams came true. Tried to be skeptics but since young some of my dreams did really happened in reality specially when it comes to my husband.