Understanding the Reasons of Silence

Updated on January 2, 2017

“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.”Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook


To be silent has reasons. We all have our own reasons.

I am used to being alone. I love staying alone at home in my own room after a hard day’s work. I spent almost four decades of my life in school, with all the noise from hundredths and thousandths of students and the noise staying in the city. And I always look forward going home in our hometown on weekends with rice fields, greeneries, clean air, cold wind, peace and serenity embracing me. And being with my family too.

Yes I love silence and I am so lucky my family respects me.

Being silent too during arguments or conflicts characterizes me. I tend to be silent to avoid further arguments and not to say anything detrimental to anyone. To anybody who inflicts hurt on me.

We all have individual differences and we need to respect one another. Everyone accepts that not all relationships are always good or in smooth sailing. Be it between parents, between siblings, between spouses, between friends or between us and anybody with whom we interact with in our daily lives. So the choice would be on us...to be silent or to argue.

Reasons Behind the Silence

Giving the “silent treatment” to anyone has many reasons. It could be a contemporary reason, an emotional reason or a historical reason.

Contemporary reason is a reason you think is objectionable on your part. Parents have reason not to allow their children to join a field trip or a spouse who objects the idea that his wife or her husband’s joining his or her friends on a picnic on weekend.

Emotional reason is a reason involving deeper feelings brought about by the event. Examples could be feeling of insecurity or lack of concern or love.

Historical reason involves patterns of communication during your childhood, between your parents and you.

Questions One Needs in Addressing Silence

Here are the three questions one needs to answer in addressing possible reasons when given a silent treatment:

  1. What have I done that is objectionable?
  2. Am I giving the love and concern that he or she needs? Am I using the right language in talking to him or her? Am I connecting to his or her emotions?
  3. Have I asked him or her anything that happened during his or her childhood?

Responding to Silent treatment

Given the silent treatment could make you feel helpless. But you should not. Instead of arguing, respond lovingly and be mature enough to understand and respect him or her for not talking. Think about his or her emotional needs. Talk about the issue and show your love and concern. Discussing the issue would foster love, respect and concern and these would mean a lot between you and him or her and more love for both of you.

Why Silent Treatment? This video is on the tips on how to handle silent treatment.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


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    • profile image

      Jelah Mae Reyes 

      4 years ago

      REYES, Jelah Mae P. (BSA 1-2)

      Before I am always awarded as the "MOST BEHAVE" in our class. I choose not to talk to others because I am afraid for what are going to happen cause nowadays friends are not true to you only few. I choose not to talk to others that is not close to me cause I don't want to be fake to them that I am smiling at them even I don't want that person. I am not that kind of person that can take their selves to fake with others that kind in front of you but mess you when you're at their back. I choose to be silent because I don't want to have misunderstanding with others.

      For me Silence is my Best friend ever since when I was in grade three my parents leave us for work and my siblings are in school and I am the one at home and arrives first from school. I am growing with silence and often in noise when we are all together with our parents. Because of being alone I do love cooking. I learn how to cook by my own. Experimenting what food to cook for me to have something to eat. That is the advantage of being alone at home and stand by yourself. The disadvantage is I learn how to love silence.

    • Leah Mae Perez profile image

      Leah Mae Perez 

      5 years ago

      Silence has different reasons. It doesn't mean that if you are silent, you are undergoing some emotional problems or issues. Some people prefers to be alone and to be silent just because it's more peaceful and maybe relaxing

    • James Leoni III profile image

      James Leoni III 

      5 years ago from Candaba, Pampanga

      20 Leoni James C III BUHM 1-1

      For me silence can kill you or pleasure you. Silence can kill deep inside you if you don't share your bad experience to someone you trust because it will haunt you in the rest of your life. Sometimes silence gives you pleasure because you like it the way it is or you don't have a problem because you accomplish everything that you have done. Silence is a good thing in HM student once as you graduate and you get a job in your field you will learn silence in a customer, co-worker and manager means they are satisfied with your service or your action.

    • Joyce De Guzman profile image

      Joyce De Guzman 

      5 years ago from San Ildefonso, Bulacan


      Silence has different reasons. It doesn't mean that if you are silent, you are undergoing some emotional problems or issues. Some people prefers to be alone and to be silent just because it's more peaceful and maybe relaxing. But if loved one is unusually silent, we should try talking to them and asking them what's wrong. We should discuss it with them and show them that we love them and we care for them. In that way, that will make a better relationship with them. As an HM student, we should apply this tips and techniques in handling people. We should make them feel that they are taken priority and show them what hospitality means.

    • profile image

      Ralph Albert C. Cruz 

      5 years ago


      Being silent does not mean you are weak

      this is common belief among us that silent person is considered weak non sense. A person is sometimes silent or quite for some personal or emotional reasons. As an HM student, i must be sensitive to people who are quite because this people might be in process or stage of emotional recovery or emotional downfall. Being sensitive to them makes me more aware of what they are experiencing and being sensitive to them can help me understand their feelings or mood. Sensitivity is the key factor to understand silent people.


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