Understanding the Reasons of Silence
“We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
To be silent has reasons. We all have our own reasons.
I am used to being alone. I love staying alone at home in my own room after a hard day’s work. I spent almost four decades of my life in school, with all the noise from hundredths and thousandths of students and the noise staying in the city. And I always look forward going home in our hometown on weekends with rice fields, greeneries, clean air, cold wind, peace and serenity embracing me. And being with my family too.
Yes I love silence and I am so lucky my family respects me.
Being silent too during arguments or conflicts characterizes me. I tend to be silent to avoid further arguments and not to say anything detrimental to anyone. To anybody who inflicts hurt on me.
We all have individual differences and we need to respect one another. Everyone accepts that not all relationships are always good or in smooth sailing. Be it between parents, between siblings, between spouses, between friends or between us and anybody with whom we interact with in our daily lives. So the choice would be on us...to be silent or to argue.
Reasons Behind the Silence
Giving the “silent treatment” to anyone has many reasons. It could be a contemporary reason, an emotional reason or a historical reason.
Contemporary reason is a reason you think is objectionable on your part. Parents have reason not to allow their children to join a field trip or a spouse who objects the idea that his wife or her husband’s joining his or her friends on a picnic on weekend.
Emotional reason is a reason involving deeper feelings brought about by the event. Examples could be feeling of insecurity or lack of concern or love.
Historical reason involves patterns of communication during your childhood, between your parents and you.
Questions One Needs in Addressing Silence
Here are the three questions one needs to answer in addressing possible reasons when given a silent treatment:
- What have I done that is objectionable?
- Am I giving the love and concern that he or she needs? Am I using the right language in talking to him or her? Am I connecting to his or her emotions?
- Have I asked him or her anything that happened during his or her childhood?
Responding to Silent treatment
Given the silent treatment could make you feel helpless. But you should not. Instead of arguing, respond lovingly and be mature enough to understand and respect him or her for not talking. Think about his or her emotional needs. Talk about the issue and show your love and concern. Discussing the issue would foster love, respect and concern and these would mean a lot between you and him or her and more love for both of you.
Researches Conducted on Silent Treatments
- What the 'silent treatment' says about your relationship -- ScienceDaily
A meta-analysis of 74 studies, including 14,000 participants, shows 'demand-withdraw' pattern is a sign of distress in relationships. The silent treatment is part of what's called a "demand-withdraw" pattern. It happens when one partner pressures the
- Silent treatment risks relationships, new research finds
Cold shoulder can bring both emotional and physical harm
- Silent treatment speaks volumes about a relationship
If you're suffering in silence – or because of it -- your relationship may be more endangered than you realize, according to research that shows the
Why Silent Treatment? This video is on the tips on how to handle silent treatment.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.