Top 10 Ways Men Destroy Their Marriage

You don't mention how long you've been married or if you have children. Do you want to be married to a man who ignores and critiques you?

If he's already made up his mind, you have two choices. First, you can sit back and let him divorce you. And you can get on with your life.

Or, you could try to improve your relationship with his family.

What does your heart say?

Only you can decide if your marriage is worth saving. It's important for you to feel valued in your life. I'd suggest looking into counseling to work on yourself as an individual for a while.

It's difficult to live under the same roof when you are 12 hours away from each other. It's hard to have any kind of relationship with distance.

If she has stopped all communication, it is unlikely that she is willing to work on the relationship. There is a lot of detail missing from your question. If your marriage was amazing, what happened to cause the separation? What are the circumstances of your distance? You and she probably need to first agree that you want to save the marriage. If you are the only one, it likely won't work.

I'd suggest first reopening the lines of communication.

What could you do differently to bring passion and excitement into your relationship? What could you do to make it better? After all these years, stop looking for reasons to be dissatisfied and start looking for ways to ignite the spark. You know it was there. Now get busy and do what you can to light it up again. Do you dress up for date night? Do you look good for him? What are you doing to be a better wife? Don't put all the responsibility on him.

Then don't talk so much.

I don't mean to sound trite, but it's true. We talk too much, in general. When we speak too much, there are bound to be problems. Just be quiet.

It sounds like you would both benefit from spending time together. You don't have to talk to spend time with each other. Rather than asking to talk, go with him when he goes out after work. If he goes directly somewhere from work, meet him there. Surprise him by dressing up. You mention a hysterectomy, but not your intimacy. Did your intimacy level change after your surgery? Maybe he is depressed. Or maybe he is just tired. Start having fun in your own life, and doing things you enjoy. Then, try to involve him. See if he is open to the idea of counseling, and let him know that you love him and you want things to work out. Ask him what you can do to make the marriage better.

I think its time you and your husband learn to communicate effectively with each other. Couples counseling is a great place to start. If, for some reason, that won't work for your relationship, then you must take the bull by the horns, if you want to save your marriage.

The issue sounds much deeper than compliments and cards. Those are likely symptoms of a deeper problem. The fact that he sleeps alone on the couch is a huge alarm.

Have you spoken to him, lovingly and with respect, to find out why he feels like he needs to sleep on the couch? What is he missing from your relationship? People don't typically make such drastic changes in their lives, without a pretty good (at least to them) reason.

Without judging or accusing, perhaps you could talk to him. Share that you love and respect him and want your relationship to work.

I'm sorry to hear that. You are in a difficult position. If you can't leave, then you must learn how you will handle the situation. You cannot change him or his behavior. You can only control yourself. You've asked him to stop, and he clearly won't. You can't leave, so you must learn to take care of yourself. Find things to do that are good for you. Find people to spend time with who value and care about you. Friends or family members can be very supportive. In addition, you might seek professional help, such as marriage counseling. It doesn't sound like he cares about how you feel, so you must take care of yourself.

I don't know if you are describing a sugar momma. Do you provide all the money for the bills and his shoes? If he is unwilling to sit down with you and go over your finances, then it is up to you to create a budget. Determine how much money comes in. List the amounts needed every month for food, utilities, rent, and other bills. Finally, he can use what is left to buy shoes and whatnot. The two of you can decide how to spend what's leftover, but the most important thing is to ensure you have a stable home and food on the table. Clothes and entertainment should come last.

Have you tried talking to your husband, and explaining that you feel alone and neglected? Maybe he thinks you're happy. Let him know, kindly, clearly and honestly, what you really need. Before you talk to him, spend some time thinking about what it is that you actually want. Do you want him to come home earlier? Spend more time with you on weekends? Think of two or three concrete things he could do to help you feel appreciated and loved. As far as your sex life is concerned, again, it's important to make your wishes known. Maybe he doesn't know you aren't satisfied. Maybe there is something you could do to spice things up and make it fun again. Take the initiative to have fun in the bedroom. Surprise him. You could also show him what you like. After twelve years of marriage, you should be able to speak openly and honestly with each other about anything, especially your relationship and sex. He can't fix it if he doesn't know there is a problem.

Have you tried asking him? Maybe he is embarrassed to tell you about a medical or mental condition that is affecting his performance. Tell him how you feel, that you feel unloved, unattractive, or whatever it is. Assure him that you love him, regardless of what he is going through. Find out what lies at the bottom of this change, and see if you can work through it together. I wish you all the best.

I think after fifteen years together, you and your husband owe it to yourselves and to your children to figure this out. Sit down and have an open, honest conversation. Without yelling or blaming, calmly explain your own feelings. Tell him your fears and concerns. Ask him what he wants. Tell him how hurt and isolated you feel when he refuses to speak to you. Ask him if the two of you can come up with some better, healthier ways to communicate. Suggest that the two of you get into counseling. If he refuses, I'd suggest you get some counseling.

First of all, you can't change anyone but yourself. Only you can determine what you will endure, and for how long you will endure it. If the anger issues are causing problems in your marriage and your life together, then tell him. Let him know how his behavior affects you and your family. It is up to you to decide what you really want, what you are willing to tolerate, and what you want to do, in response to his anger.

You don't have to accept his anger. You can leave the room. You can respond calmly. You can leave the house. You get to choose your own behavior, your own actions and your own responses. Decide what you want, and create that. You might find a counselor who can help you figure out what you really want and how to get there.

Guys talk about all kinds of things when they are together and away from their wives. Just like women talk about all kinds of things when we get together without our husbands. Join a book club, and talk about whatever you want. But don't try to censor your husband's friendships. He'll resent you.

The only thing you can control in this situation is yourself. Let's examine why you are so angry and jealous. Is it because your husband isn't giving you attention? Is it because you feel responsible for the grandchild? Is it because you're jealous of your husband's relationship with his daughter?

Anger and jealousy are rooted in fear. What are you afraid of? At least your husband is home, spending time with family and not out at the bar hanging out with a woman.

That aside, it is important for you, a grown woman, to control yourself. You set the tone for your household. What are your expectations for the relationships involved? What do you want from this situation? Do you want them to come over less frequently? Do you want to spend time downstairs shooting pool? Do you want to grow closer to your stepdaughter and grandchild? What is it you want? What are you afraid of?

Once you honestly answer those two questions for yourself, then you are ready to move forward. Keep in mind that you can't have everything, all the time. Maybe you could ask them only to come over two or three times a week. Maybe you can find things to do with your stepdaughter. Maybe you can hang out with the guys. Maybe you can have fun with the grandson.

What can you do in this situation to make it more ideal for your life?

First, remember that you are not at fault. You are not responsible for your husband's choices and decisions. Only he is responsible for his choices. You are responsible for you.

What do you want from this relationship? Get clear on what you want, and clearly and kindly express your truth to your husband. You don't deserve to play second fiddle while he hems and haws about other women.

You deserve to live a happy, fulfilling life. Hopefully, the two of you will create a path that allows you to both feel complete.

That sounds completely insane. You don't remember being hit? He doesn't remember hitting you? Does he take Ambien? Not that it is an excuse, but a side effect of Ambien can be doing things while sleeping and not remembering in the morning.

It concerns me that he would respond by saying it serves you right and you had it coming.

You ask, what is that. That is abuse. If it were me, I'd leave. I would never tolerate anyone hitting me.

Twenty years is a long time to have an unfulfilling sex life. The first thing you could do is talk to your husband. Be honest. Be kind. Tell him what you like. If you don't know what you like, ask him to help you figure it out. Or, you could purchase a vibrator. Amazon has some that are reasonably priced. Bring it to bed and teach him how to pleasure you. Or, you could gift wrap it and give it to him, and teach him how to pleasure you. Most men are reasonable, and they want their women to be sexually satisfied. It's a matter of pride to please his woman. Help him by telling him what you like. If you don't have the courage to speak up and show him what you like, then you'll probably be taking care of yourself for the duration of your marriage.

Why don't you begin by asking your husband why he wants to sleep separately? Perhaps he snores and doesn't want to disturb you. Maybe you snore, and he can't sleep. Does he get up early, or is he a restless sleeper? There are lots of reasons. Go directly to the source, and be kind.

The best way to get someone to listen to you is through your own actions. Be the kind of partner you would like to have. You can't change him, but you can make your own life better.

How about if you and your kids go find something fun to do every weekend? You don't have to sit in the house, watching your husband. Take the kids to the park, for a hike, or to the mall or library. These are all free. You are not a victim, and you are not a hostage. Take the kids and have fun. Invite your husband to join you, but don't get insulted or mad if he doesn't want to. Let him waste his life drinking and smoking. You can have fun with your kids.

Well, if your husband has a son, then it only makes sense for him to be in contact with his mistress. Once you have a child with someone, you are always connected, like it or not. As far as her depression, that sounds like an excuse. There is no reason for him to be speaking with her, other than regarding their son. He'll probably say they are still friends, which may be true.

It is difficult to work on your own marriage if his heart is not in it. I'd suggest you have an honest talk, and figure out if you both want to stay married to each other. You can go from there.

What do you want? You say he wants it to work, but what do you really want? Trust, once broken, is difficult to rebuild. If he really wants it to work, then he must earn your trust. If you want it to work, then you must practice forgiveness. Neither of you has an easy path. And if your family hates him, it will be harder for both of you. Perhaps look into some counseling like couples counseling, then at least you've done something to help you choose the best path for yourself. I wish you all the best.

Be honest, first with yourself. What is it you want, and what do you hope to gain from lying? Second, grow up. Do you want to be in this relationship or not? You owe it to yourself and to your wife to be honest, even if it is hard. Honor yourself, honor her, and honor your commitment. Be truthful and move forward.

I'm not sure you can be "loyal to a fault". If you are overlooking abusive behavior, that isn't loyalty, that is fear. If he is abusive, then you should get out of the situation.

If the things he's doing aren't abusive but just annoying, then it's time for an open, honest conversation. Tell him how you really feel. And when he starts lecturing you, don't get defensive. Be rational. Be honest. Be sincere.

If you used to be best friends, what changed? How do you get back to that place, where you are friends again? What can you do to be his friend? Don't expect him to move first. If you are the one who wants things to change, then you must move first.

I do not recommend sending him a link to the page. He will think I'm a man hating bitch, and he will likely think the same of you. Instead, look for ways to move back to the place where you are friends again.

I think it is reasonable to want your partner's undivided attention. It is also reasonable to let him multitask if you are just talking about the mundane details of your life. If what you have to say is important and significant, make a point of pausing, taking a breath and making eye contact. Tell him that you really need him to hear what you are saying. There is a fine balance between wanting his attention (or anyone's attention, really) and demanding they listen raptly to every word you speak. When you're just chatting, loosen up a little. When it's important, make sure they know.

It sounds like you have drifted apart, and that the work schedule is not helping the situation.

First, it is important for you and your husband to carve out some time for just the two of you. I know how difficult it is when you work opposite schedules, and as you are the one working nights, it will be especially hard for you. If you want to save and restore your marriage, you have got to make time for each other. Plan it and schedule it into both of your schedules. Even if you just get an hour together, you need to make some time. You both need to make the other person feel cared about, noticed and loved. He needs this as much as you do. It would be wonderful if you could find the strength and resolve within yourself, to be sexually intimate with your husband. This will go a long way to bringing you back to each other. It's difficult when you don't feel loved, to be intimate, but it's also difficult for him to feel close to you if his needs in that area aren't being met. Someone has to move first, and since you're reaching out, it seems like you might be the one more motivated to try and make things work.

He probably is addicted to the computer. There isn't much you can do about that. If you're gone all night and he's home with the kids, he probably gets bored pretty quickly. That's no excuse, but the truth is, as with any addiction, there isn't much you can do about it. He has to acknowledge the problem and work on it himself. It is probably how he escapes from the stress of his life.

Finally, if you want to seek professional counseling, then by all means, go ahead and do it alone. Marriage counseling is great, if you can get your partner to go, but if he isn't willing, it won't work. You can, however, learn some great tools to manage your own stress, and learn how to react to the reality of your own situation. It will work, if you want it to.

It means he is committed to his work. Many men are workaholics. It isn't healthy, but it's hard to get them to spend more time at home. They feel guilty that something will go wrong at work, if they aren't there to manage.

Gently remind him that you love him and you want to see him too. Try to spend as much time together as you can. Maybe set up a date night. Or get up early and spend time together before he leaves the house. It's hard to find the time, when they work a lot. Let him know it's important to you, and ask if he can set aside some family time. Communicate with him and create a plan.

Well, there are lots of things people do to destroy their relationships. Those two things, while important, can often be symptoms of something bigger going on within the relationship. There are ten of the things that I think are important, but anyone, woman or man, can write an article about whatever they think are the most important factors.

I am sorry to hear about your predicament. There are several things to think about, when you and your husband separated, what were the main issues? Who initiated the separation? When you reconciled, what were the conditions of the reunion? If you see recurring patterns, have you spoken to him about that?

There is nothing worse than feeling abandoned and alone in a marriage. I know from my own experience. It is a very painful experience.

The thing is, you can't change him. You can only change yourself. You can only control yourself. Therapy might be a great place to start, to figure out what it is you want, not just out of your relationship, but out of your life.

Once you determine what you want, then you can begin moving forward toward your best life.

What do you want to do? What does your heart say? If you've been married for twenty-one years, are your kids grown? Maybe it's time for you to put yourself first.

Intimacy doesn't only mean having sex. Your husband and his friend appear to be creating an intimate relationship. As he invests time in her, he is not investing in your relationship. How do you know they don't have sex? Even if they are watching football or odd jobs or hanging out, they are still spending a lot of time together, which you and your husband are not.

It does not sound like you are overreacting. It sounds like you need to start spending more time with your partner.

You could kindly let your inlaws know that you didn't cause the problems, and that you are both working to make your marriage better. You don't need to apologize for stuff you didn't do, but throwing him under the bus will only make you look bad. They will believe their boy, not you.

You have to decide what you want. If you want to stay married, then perhaps you could have a conversation with him about how you feel, and about the finances. You need to be open and honest. If you don't want to stay with him, then it's time to move on. Waiting will only drag things out and you'll feel drained and used. Perhaps professional counseling can help you decide what you really want.

This sounds like a miserable existence for both of you. How about if you sit down on the weekend, without any distractions and talk about your concerns. Be open and honest with what is bothering you. Ask him and listen to what is bothering him. Don't try to fight it out. Seek first to understand his point of view, and be kind as you present your point of view. See if the two of you can come up with one thing you can do differently over the course of the next week or month to make your marriage better. P.S. This conversation will go lots better if you lure him into the bedroom, have some steamy sex, and then talk!

This article was written for men, to discover what they do to mess up a relationship. I've written another article regarding women. It is important that partners act like partners, give and take. They share their hopes and dreams, their fears, their expectations, the mundane details of their days. It is what builds a lasting relationship, communication. Each partner is equally important in a relationship. Each brings different strengths and weaknesses, and the couple must learn how to work together to create a strong union.

I'm not sure how someone can use your credit card without your permission. I don't know that much about finances.

I would be direct and honest. Tell him, calmly, exactly how you feel. And if the truck was financed with your name, then you can certainly go to the dealership and tell them that you did not authorize the charge.

I'd begin by having an open and honest conversation with your husband.

It's a terrible thing, to feel unloved in a marriage. It hurts when you feel like he doesn't care. And he probably feels attacked every time you come near him, so he gets defensive.

So, try to take a step back. The ring is a symbol. That's all. It is a lot more important to women than it is to men. My husband recently lost his ring, and it pissed me off. I thought about what I would do if I lost my ring, and how I would run to the store to replace it with something. The truth is, he's still married to me. He's in my bed every night. He works hard, and loves and supports me, whether he's wearing his ring or not. And I've started noticing, at work, at the gym, and the grocery, that most women wear rings, but many men (who I know are married) do not. And I realized that maybe it's not that big a deal.

If your husband doesn't want to just sit around on his days off, maybe you could plan something for the two of you to do together. What did yo enjoy doing when you liked each other? Hiking? Are you going to movies? What fun things could you enjoy together? Plan a date and tell him ahead of time, so he knows you have plans with him. Try to think of something that you will both enjoy.

It's hard to connect when life gets in the way. Then, when resentment builds, the walls grow taller and thicker. My suggestion is that you begin with gratitude. Remind yourself of all the things she does in your relationship. Then, take the time to thank her for what she does. Send her a card. Write her a note. Tell her to her face how much you appreciate what she does. Take some time for yourselves. Life is busy, but at the end of the day, find some time to connect. Face to face. Tell her you love her. Make the first move toward connection, and don't lose heart if it takes some time. It may be difficult to undo what neglect has created.

You can read that article here:

https://hubpages.com/problems/Top-10-Things-Women-...

Communication is key and will help restore your sex life. Have you tried to talk to her, without talking her into sex? Find out what's going on for her, and in her life. Be gently affectionate, without being overtly sexual. Show her that you love and appreciate her. What is the reason behind her withholding affection? If you really want to know, listen to what she says. Don't get defensive, just listen, with a heart to heal. Ask her what you can do to restore your relationship. Tell her how much you miss the intimacy that you shared, and ask her what you can do to help her return to you. Listen first to understand. Then move forward gently. Tell her you love her, and you want things to work. I wish you the best.

It is difficult to be married. Your husband does want to be with you. Why does he work two jobs? Do you work? It is good of him to visit his daughter. Don't be jealous. Let him see his daughter. Do you ever go with him to Florida? He is not the source of your entertainment. Find things to do that you enjoy, while he is gone.

Sorry to hear about your trouble. I'd suggest gently and honestly speaking to your wife about your concerns. She probably doesn't feel attracted to you anymore, and she may be worried about you leaving her. Talk to her. Be honest. Be compassionate about her troubles, but be honest about your own struggles. Look for ways to bring the passion back to your marriage.

If you want your marriage to work, begin with an honest conversation with your husband. Ask him what he'd like to see change in your marriage. Be honest about the changes you'd like to see. Perhaps seek some professional counseling, either as a couple or by yourself, to learn how to work through your differences constructively.

I'm sorry to hear that. The best thing I can suggest is to offer love instead of your fear. When he comes home, hug him and ask about his day. Act interested in his life. Create your own life outside of him and your relationship. Do things to make your own life better while he is at work. Above all, always respond with love.

It is completely normal for women to get in moods. Mood swings are common for women, because of the amount of hormones surging through our bodies at any given time. This is not an excuse to treat people badly. If she is stomping around, acting pissed off and annoyed, then first, be direct. Ask if there is something you can do to help the situation, or if she'd like something from you. Be calm. If she says no, or treats you rudely, then you are free to move on. Go into another room. Stay out of her way. Let her throw a fit by herself. Don't let her crappy behavior ruin your good mood. If she persists in acting like a jerk, then call her out on it. Tell her that you will not tolerate her behavior. Let her know that you are not a child, nor an employee, but her partner, and you expect to be treated kindly. Adult women (and men) acting childish and immature is ridiculous. Tell her to grow up and get over her big bad self.

What if you chose the wrong wife? Well, you can always choose to see things differently. You chose her. What did she bring to the relationship that met your needs? Perhaps you can choose to see her differently. Perhaps you can see yourself as not a victim of your relationship. You are in control of your life. You know, in your heart, whether this is a good thing for you or not. Do the right thing.

Sometimes, people need some downtime, to unwind after work. Tell him, without shouting or crying, that you'd like to give him an hour or two, but then you'd like to have some face to face conversation. Tell him that you like him and you want to talk to him. Be kind.

I don't know the best way to handle that. Maybe, during the times when things are going great, you can gently ask him about the flip-out moments. Ask him where those moments of rage come from. Suggest he bring things up to you before they get to that point. Perhaps if he can deal with things as they arise, it will be less explosive. My other thought is that there may be an imbalance in his life, that he can't control. Ignoring it doesn't seem healthy, so I'd suggest some professional counseling for you, to determine how best to handle those times. Make sure you stay safe.

That seems like unusual behavior following sex. Usually, men are more communicative after having sex.

Maybe try having sex with him every single day for a month; see if he still behaves differently.

It seems unusual for a man to withhold affection. Ask him if there is a problem, not with your relationship necessarily, but perhaps with him physically or mentally. Maybe he is depressed, doesn't feel well or has high blood pressure.

Marriage counseling can be intimidating, but you can get a lot out of it by going for yourself.

It is hard to feel so alone. If he won't even communicate what the problem is, it leaves you in a difficult place. I'd suggest professional counseling, just to help you manage your own experience and feelings.

You are not "required" to do anything. I think it is courteous to let him know where you're heading and how long you plan to be gone. If you end up taking longer, a text to let him know is kind, but not "required." If he gets worried, he can call you. You aren't a child, and you aren't chattel. You are a wife.

You are in a tough position. Is the issue relationship critical? If yes, then it needs to be addressed. Perhaps, rather than apologize, you could just tackle the thing head on. It is uncomfortable, but someone needs to act like the adult in a relationship. Say what needs to be said, directly and without apology, and then do what needs to be done, in the same manner. If she doesn't like the outcome, then remind her that you gave her ample opportunity for input. There is absolutely no need to battle. Neither one of you needs to "win." If there is a problem that is critical, then deal with it like adults. If it's something stupid, then just let it go. No need to win the little meaningless battles. Who cares? If she chooses not to discuss or deal with the issue, then let her know, calmly and matter of fact, what you have decided, and then do what you say you are going to do.

I'd suggest you find a good counselor who can help you sort out what you truly want. It would be best if the two of you could enter into counseling together if he is willing. If he is not willing, a counselor can still help you figure out what you want and need, not only in your relationship but from your life in general. After twenty years of marriage, it's time for you to get some perspective.

You don't mention how old your son is, or how long you've been married.

The truth is, fighting about how to raise/discipline children is one of three major marriage stressors (sex, money, kids).

While your husband is calm, talk gently to him and explain your concerns. Let him know that you'd prefer he not swear in front of or yell at the kids.

The truth is, you can't fix it. You can only manage your own response.

If you are experiencing things with your partner that are destructive or unhealthy for your relationship, then you owe it to yourself and to her to bring it up. Open, honest communication is key for successful relationships. Talk to her. Find out why she is unhappy. And determine for yourself what you need to be healthy, whole and happy.

Well, I'm not sure what your question is. What can you do? You can do whatever you want, actually. Let him know that you'd like to spend some time together. Offer several options. If he stays stuck on the TV, then go do something with friends, or by yourself. The world is full of things to do.

If the question is about him neglecting your needs, then you need to clearly and concisely tell him what your needs are, and how you'd like him to help you. Men like direction. Not nagging, yelling or swearing. Just direct communication. If that doesn't help, maybe your problem is deeper than you think. Did he only just begin watching TV since you got married, or has this been an ongoing thing? If you knew about it before you married him a year ago, then you only have yourself to blame. You should have walked away, if he was neglectful for eight years.

I'm not sure there's much you can do. You can't undo the past. My husband has been pretty open about his past, and some of it is hard to hear. I don't try to throw it back in his face, but I do see patterns of behavior.

Reassure your wife that you love her, and take a look at yourself. Do you do some of the same things as with past relationships? Maybe she is pointing out something for you to be aware of.

If she is just being mean and vindictive, then there isn't much you can do to fix that.

Every day is a new chance to begin again. At this moment, be the man you wish to be, in marriage and in life.

I cannot verify that most women in the old days were real ladies, not can I agree that women are very horrible now. I think that you find exactly what you are looking for in life. If you are looking for women who treat you badly, then you will find them. If you are truly a good, single man, then chances are, a good woman will find you. Where, exactly are you meeting all these horrible women? Maybe you should look for love in different places.

If you love each other, and are experiencing a difficult time, your marriage is worth saving. Marriages go through hard times. It's not easy to get out of the rut, but you can do it. Tell him you'd like to spend more time together. Hire a babysitter and take your husband on a date. Dress up for him, without expecting any certain behavior from him. Maybe after being gone for work, he just wants to relax when he's home. Ask him what he'd like from you, and then respond with that. Sometimes, when a person is gone from home, it's hard to get that spark back. Don't give up!

You can't change anyone but yourself. Look inside and be honest. Why does this bother you? I'm not saying it should or shouldn't bother you. My husband flirts with every cute girl he meets. It used to drive me crazy. But the truth is, he tells me I'm beautiful and he loves me, and at the end of the day, it's my bed he's in. It bothered me, because I thought I wasn't good enough or cute enough or thin enough. This was a lot of baggage I carried over from a previous relationship. It's taken a lot of introspection and honest soul searching to discover where the pain and discomfort originated. So, I'd suggest you look inside. Explore where in your body you feel uncomfortable when the situation arises (for example does it feel like a knot in your gut? Does your heart hurt? Do you feel a tightening in your chest? Does your neck tingle?) Then, think about what is really happening. He's being outgoing and flirting with someone else. Ask yourself why this hurts so much. Tell yourself that it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Then remind yourself of the truth. What is the truth? You are safe. Your husband loves you. He is not sneaking around. You are beautiful. You are smart. Remind yourself of these truths. It will likely take some time, but you can do this.

Guys (and women) talk about all kinds of things when they are together with their friends. I think its pretty normal to talk about other women. It's not like they are doing anything. They want to fantasize and talk about what they would do, if only... Women do the same types of things when we get together. It's just part of life. Not right or wrong, it's just what people do.

Figure out what it would take to make you happy, content and fulfilled, and then go do that for you. You deserve to be happy, but only you can do that for yourself. He cannot. Then, maybe the two of you can decide if it is a relationship worth saving.

I do not know how arranged marriage works, and I do not know the cultural impact of your arrangement. In general, marriage works better if you can live together. Having said that, lots of people live apart due to a variety of circumstances. Perhaps you and he can set some definite times to talk during the day. Maybe first thing in the morning and last thing at night before you go to bed. Throughout the day, text when you can, but don't expect an immediate answer. My husband and I both work. Just because he doesn't answer my texts doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He is busy at work, just as I am. He answers when he can, and I answer him when I can. When you don't live together, you must make a lot of adjustments. Have you talked to him about moving there, and your fears? Be open and honest. Let him know what you think and how you feel. You can't have a strong marriage without good communication.

You have to get his undivided attention. Men are very communicative, or receptive to talking, after sex. So have sex with him. While you're laying there cuddling, then talk to him about what's on your mind. And try to be nice. Shouting is hard to hear.

What did you tell him the consequence would be if he did not listen to your ultimatum? If you told him you would divorce him, then it seems you've painted yourself into a corner. Are you a woman of your word, or do you give false threats?

I'd be careful issuing ultimatums that you aren't willing to follow through on. It is reasonable to give consequences for behavior. Cause and effect. If you do this, then I will do that. Without trying to control his behavior, you have to decide on what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. If he's been doing this for years, and you've never said anything, then he assumes his behavior is okay. If he's been doing this for years, and you complain without doing anything, then he assumes he is in the position of power and you aren't really serious.

You must decide for yourself how you will be treated. People will treat you exactly as you allow them to. If you continue to allow him to go out and drink every night, then he will continue to do it. If you lock him out, maybe he'll think again. If you leave, maybe he'll understand you are serious. Only you can decide how you will be treated. If he treats you poorly, then you must decide what your next move is. You are in complete control of yourself, and no one else.

Why is this creating an issue for you? What are you afraid of? Don't say "nothing." Stop and think about what you fear. Are you concerned for his safety? Are you worried about finances? There must be a reason you aren't comfortable with the outreach. What is it?

Once you determine what it is that concerns you, then calmly and respectfully share your concerns and fears with your husband. You can't control him, but you can share what you feel. Once you identify how you feel, then you will be better able to deal with your own reaction to his outreach.

Emotional neglect and developing your app are two entirely different subjects.

First, dealing with emotional neglect is difficult. I was married to an emotionally neglectful and abusive person for nearly 20 years. It wasn't until I left that relationship that I began to heal the many wounds he created. So, regarding dealing with emotional neglect, after this long, it is highly unlikely that his behavior will change. I'd suggest you begin seeing a professional counselor, to help you learn how to live in a neglectful environment. It's important, if you are willing to stay with him and work on things, that you tell him directly, honestly and calmly what you need. Don't expect him to read your mind, or guess what you need. Tell him. "I need a hug." "I need you to listen to me for a moment." "I need you to help me." "I need your opinion." "I need you to tell me that you love me."

Figure out what you need from him, on an emotional level, as a partner, and ask for it.

The app is another thing entirely. Have you researched the viability of the app? Do you know how to develop an app? Have you successfully (or unsuccessfully) done this type of thing in the past? Do you have any experience developing apps? Just because you have money, doesn't mean you need to piss it away on an idea that may or may not work. If you are proposing a business venture, then you need to approach it as such, with facts, research and ideas on how you will market it. What portion of the work are you willing and able to do? Is this an idea that you have, but you need to hire a team of people to bring it to fruition? There are a lot of unanswered questions. If you've got all the research and you need an investor, maybe you can approach someone who isn't your husband with a business proposal.

His lack of interest in your idea may come from a lot of different directions. Does he not see it as a good idea? Does he not think you can follow through and make it successful? Have you had past business ventures?

Lack of interest in a business idea is not the same as emotional support. Is he at all encouraging in other aspects of your life? Again, there are a lot of unanswered questions.

I'd keep the business conversation separate from the emotional neglect conversation. Tell him what you need from him as a partner in marriage. In business, ask what he'd suggest for you to move forward with your idea.

You are in a difficult position. First, I'd suggest getting some professional counseling, preferably both of you, but at the very least for you. This will help you develop a clear perspective on your marriage and on your life in general.

Regardless, have a conversation with your husband. Be honest. Tell him how much you love him, and that you want the marriage to work. Ask him the purpose behind the bank account. Let him know your fears and your anxiety.

You don't say why you haven't been intimate. If you are unable to have sex, then that is one issue. If there is something else going on, then that is a different issue. You need to talk to him. Yes, honest conversations are hard, but they are much easier than breaking up a marriage or living miserably for ten years. Talk to him about why you two aren't having sex, and what might change to help that situation. Tell him you feel lonely, neglected and forgotten. Then tell him what you need him to do. Ask what you can do for him. If you want to save your marriage, then an open, honest and calm conversation is the best way to start down the path.

It sounds like you are having a problem connecting with your wife. Women don't usually ask for sex if they aren't feeling close to their partner. You don't have a sex problem; you have an intimacy problem. Try being kind to her. Try helping out around the house. Try saying nice, sweet things, not only when you want sex, but at other times. It is important that she feels valued and attractive and not just like you only want her for sex. Kiss her and hug her without expecting sex. Rub her feet. Find ways to build intimacy and closeness that don't involve you having sex. You'll survive. After a while, she will relax and begin to feel closer to you. Ask about her day. Act interested in what she says and does. These are ways to build intimacy. Marriage is about much more than sex, and until you figure out how to connect outside the bedroom, you will never have a satisfying sex life.

Tell him his behavior is damaging to your relationship. Tell him how it makes you feel. Then, take a deep breath, stand up straight, and get hold of yourself. You are not the victim of your life. You are not stuck with an unloving, unkind person. You are in charge of your life experience. Do not give an ultimatum unless you are willing to act on it, but prepare yourself to take care of you. You deserve to feel peaceful. Be open and honest with him and with yourself. Decide what you really want.

You cannot change anyone else. What you can do is calmly and clearly tell him that you will not tolerate his behavior. Only say that if it is true. If you continue to let him speak to you that way, then he will continue doing it. You need to change the pattern of your own behavior. Decide what you will tolerate and what you will not. Tell him, honestly, what you will not put up with. Don't yell, threaten, blame or cry; simple and matter of fact, calm communication. Then, you must be willing to follow through with what you say you will do.

Only you can decide how you will be treated. And people will treat you exactly how you let them. So stop letting him do this. Walk away. As soon as he starts, leave the situation. Remove yourself.

Our feelings do not always reflect reality. Remember that your perception creates your reality. Have you asked your wife what you can do to be the best husband you can be? Have you asked about her expectations? Maybe asking a couple of questions and having an open and honest discussion with your wife would be a great place to start.

If you are doing the best job that you know how to do, then there isn't much else I could suggest.

Honest communication is always a great place to start.

Be honest with him. Tell him that you love him and you'd like to spend more time with him.

You didn't do anything to deserve that. What are you doing to create a better life for yourself? You can't control or change him, but you can change your own experience. If you want things to be different for you, then make a decision to do something different. He's gotten into a pattern. Only you can break yourself out of that pattern. Spend time with people who respect and value you. Do things you enjoy. Find joy in your life, regardless of how he acts. You can make your world a better place.

I wish you all the best.

Is he texting and meeting with escorts and giving them money? If your husband wants another chance, then it is up to him to be trustworthy. He needs to show you that you can trust him. The choice is yours, is the marriage worth saving? If yes, then give him a second chance. If he's done this before, then he will probably do it again.

That's an interesting question and I'd love to know the statistics you are using. I'd imagine that the same number of men and women are sleeping around, in order for the women to have a partner. Do you think only men should sleep around? I think women get tired of men running around and not committing to them, so they are doing the same thing. It's not so different when the shoe is on the other foot. Perhaps people are just hesitant to commit in this day and age, because of the astronomical divorce rate.

It sounds like a tough situation. I'd say, first, speak to your husband and his mom. Tell them that what they are saying is very hurtful and destructive. Let them know how you feel. Be calm and courageous. Then, begin building friendships and support outside the home. Find things to do and places to go that are interesting to you and your kids. Take them out of the house and to the library, museum or just to the park. Find people who share common interests with you, and spend time doing things you really enjoy. It is essential for you to take care of yourself. You can't control anyone else, so it's up to you to make your life as enjoyable as you can.

It's okay to miss your husband. You don't really specify how much time you spend apart. Is he gone for extended periods of time? The longer he's away, the more you'd miss him, logically. During the times apart, I'd suggest you seek out ways to spend your time with other people. Perhaps a playgroup or a park, where your children can play and you can talk to other adults. Seek out interactions with other adults to keep your mind occupied. Find healthy outlets that are satisfying to you personally.

Maybe you could look at your relationship differently. If you've been married 36 years, then you have figured out how to make things work. What is the big picture? Is he a good man who loves you, and takes care of your family, but has a few flaws, just like everyone else does? Perhaps, instead of giving him a list of things he's doing wrong, you could focus on the one thing that you find really hurtful. Just one thing. Don't hurl a barrage of complaints. Explain how it makes you feel when he does whatever it is. And give him concrete examples. Don't go on the warpath, and don't get all emotional. Tell him how you feel, give him examples of when the behavior occurs, and then give him some concrete things he could do differently. Try to keep it simple. One or two things he could do differently that would make a big difference to you. Ask him if he would be willing to try to make things a little better for your marriage. It is a tremendous accomplishment to stay married for such a long time, and I give you my respect. I wish you all the best.

In an ideal world, yes, your husband would be by your side following your surgery. When I had my tubes tied, it was very painful, however, I had seven other children to tend to. So, I did what I needed to do. My husband was not much help. Unfortunately, men are sometimes not available to help when we need them.

Well, I guess I don't understand the question. Why do you let him control what you watch? As far as watching things that make you feel sad, why would you want to feel sad? Maybe he doesn't like to see you upset. Maybe you could try watching uplifting, encouraging and enlightening things instead. You'll both feel better.

Do you want to fix it?

First I'd suggest, stop crying all the time. You already know he's going to be cranky. So, rather than take it personally and cry, realize that whatever is making him cranky is his junk. It is NOT about you. Don't do that to yourself. You are just fine, exactly the way you are. His crankiness is about him. Don't own it and don't cry.

And maybe get some counseling to see if you can figure out why he thinks being mean is a way to communicate and why you think crying is the most effective response.

Best wishes

Of course you feel rejected and fearful. These are natural reactions to not having trust in a relationship.

Be open and honest with your husband. Tell him the truth about how you feel. Find out what he wants. See if there is a way for the two of you to reach some common ground. If he's playing around, and you don't care, then why stay together? Maybe some counseling would give you clarity.

It is not safe nor reasonable for you or your children to endure abuse. Take your children to a battered women's shelter, where you are all safe. Find some counseling and start creating a better life for your children.

No, that's not ideally the way it's supposed to be. Is this the way it's been during the entire 20 years? If so, then he's been badly trained (presumably by you) and it's going to take some time to teach him what you like.

Most men want to pleasure their wives. The problem is that they don't always know how. They also get so caught up in their own experience that they forget to please their woman.

Tell him you want to slow things down a bit. Kiss and make out. Tell him what you like. Show him what you like. Sure, it's a little embarrassing, but it shouldn't be with your husband. You should be able to tell him how to please you. Even if you say something like, "Yes, more of that," or "Touch me here." Figure out what you like, and show him. Buy a vibrator and teach him how to use it on you. Bring some fun into your sex life. He's probably pretty satisfied with the status quo. If you want something to change, then you'll need to lead the way.

If you really want to save your marriage and bring the spark back into her eyes, then it's time to have a conversation with your wife. Tell her how you feel. Let her know that you want things to work. Let her know that you care. Be kind. Do nice things for her. When you begin meeting her emotional needs, things will improve with your physical life. Start being nice and doing kind things for her. If you really want things to be better, then be a better husband. Be the best version of yourself.

Abuse is never love.

You say your husband cares for you and for your needs, but you also say he's rude to you and never home. How does he care for you if he's always angry? The only person you can control in your marriage is you. There is no controlling him or fixing his anger or behavior. It sounds like you are both unhappy. Maybe in the morning you can talk to him, before he leaves for work. Ask how he's doing. Find out what's bothering him. It seems that something is upsetting him, to cause this sort of behavior. Listen to what he says, and try to get him to open up. Without attacking him, tell him how you feel. Tell him that you miss him and want to spend time with him. As for his anger, walk away from it. You do not deserve to be treated badly. If he is rude and angry, tell him that he can talk to you when he calms down, and leave the room. Do not accept his gift of anger.

Was she actually working? Maybe she was on the phone with someone about work. It isn't your job to manage her priorities. Your job is to manage yourself. If you offer to take care of the kids and chores, that is great. It is very generous. You can't micromanage her work, however. Unless you are her boss, then you don't have much to say about what she does for work.

I'd suggest you give her the space she needs to get her work done. If it turns out that you don't really like taking care of the kids and chores, maybe you can explore other options for you.

Usually, when people point a finger (literally) it is because they are trying to emphasize a point. If he is pointing at you when he speaks, he is probably trying to make you listen to what he is saying.

If what you're saying is that he is "pointing fingers", i.e. blaming you for things, then that is different. He is not taking responsibility and wants to blame others. Both of these actions are what bullies do.

Don't approach your marriage as a fight. It is a partnership, with the two of you working together toward common goals and purposes. Ask him what he needs to stay in the marriage. Do you want to stay married to him? Think about what it would look like, if both of you treated the other respectfully, kindly and with love? Instead of approaching the relationship as a fight, think of it as a partnership. Work together. Find out what he needs and tell him what you need. Be open, honest and kind in your communication and work together.

A wife is not in competition for her husband. She is the wife. It is okay for him to have other friends, and it is okay for you to have other friends as well. It is important that the two of you make time for each other, but having outside interests could strengthen your marriage. If he's hanging out with friends, then maybe you can use the time to do something you enjoy, that he might not like. Do some things for yourself, and give him space to do some things he enjoys. Then, when you come together again, you'll have a much richer experience.

Well, I'm not sure of what your question is. How do you handle it? With grace, would be my suggestion. What is it that is bothering you? You don't like the long hours? He isn't making enough money? You want to spend more time together? First, figure out what your own issue is. Lots of husbands, including mine, work very long hours. My husband wants to be comfortable. He want to have money for when we retire. He wants to go on trips together. Because of these things, he works long hours. I am supportive when he comes home, I try to let him rest on weekends, and I look forward to the time we get to spend together. Sure, sometimes I feel like his job is more important than I am. But I also realize that is my own perception and not how he feels.

So, the short answer is to be a loving supportive wife, especially if this is the only issue in your marriage. If there is other stuff going on that isn't working for you, then perhaps it's time to talk to him.

Wish you all the best.

Maybe he doesn't feel like he can trust you with his secrets. It can be hard to truly let someone else know who we really are. It takes a lot of courage and a great deal of trust to let someone see what might be perceived as a dark side. If you really don't care, then how do you actually know he is binging on porn? Do you check the computer history? If so, then is it true that you don't care? I'd suggest you have an open, honest conversation with him, and let him know that you don't care, and that he can trust you. And maybe open up a bit yourself.

Sure, I would love to. That's why I wrote the article about the things women do to mess up their relationships. Please feel free to read it and share it with the women in your life. I believe it takes two people to make a successful relationship. Men are not the only ones who do things wrong. Women do plenty of things wrong. We both have to be willing to work on the relationship to make it work.

If you are a stay at home mom, why can't you get those things done? I think it makes sense for your husband to want to spend time with the kids and helping with bath and bedtime is a great way to do that. I imagine he feels frustrated that he works all day, and then you expect him to work when he comes home. I stayed at home and homeschooled my children for many years. It is not an easy task. It is more than a full-time job. Gently remind your husband that you are tired too, and would like a break from the kids. Be honest. Perhaps you could come up with a schedule that engages him with the kids and lets you have some much needed alone time.

You build an emotional connection by showing up every day. Begin a conversation with your partner and really listen to the response. Do kind things for your partner. Show them that you care. In this way, you can rebuild an emotional connection.

Namaste