10 Signs You Might Be Creating Your Own Relationship Problems

Updated on June 4, 2018

Relationships are tricky. They involve time, patience, compromise, and a penchant for empathy and unity between you and your significant other. There will always be problems; no relationship exists without turbulence, but it is up to the two of you to work these problems out. Unfortunately, some problems might stem directly from one of the two in the relationship. Here are 10 signs that you might be the one causing unnecessary problems for your relationship.

10 Reasons You Might Be Causing Your Own Relationship Problems

  1. Your relationship worries cause more problems.
  2. Whenever you get involved, things fall to pieces.
  3. You feel that you are trying too hard to make this work.
  4. You don’t feel satisfied with your relationship and express it continually.
  5. You aren’t satisfied with his/her gifts.
  6. You aren’t satisfied with her/her displays of affection.
  7. Emotions generally sour when you get involved.
  8. You don’t feel like doing anything for your significant other.
  9. You feel dependent and constantly feel the need to be with him/her.
  10. You demand more attention while sharing interests.

Remember, in addition to this quick relationship advice blurb, you always have the option of professional marriage counseling and couples therapy. Not all problems must end in divorce if both partners are willing to push through the issues at hand.

1. Your Relationship Worries Cause More Problems

Worries exist to give form to our uneasiness, a feeling that arises when you feel that something is not right. The most important thing to note about worry and uneasiness is that both are based on how you feel. How one feels may not be 100% true or logical, thus the actions you might take to relieve or solve your worry may be damaging or illogical.

In short, don’t try to solve relationship worries on your own or without having given good neutral thought upon them. If you try to prove or “expose” an answer, you will most likely be doing more harm than good unless you are 110% sure. Just quietly and calmly express your worries when you have some private time together and talk it through before taking action.

2. Whenever You Get Involved, Things Fall to Pieces

Remember that trip to Disney World that the two of you planned, and then you canceled at the last second without giving a concrete reason? How about something as simple as going out to dinner together with some friends and you canceled or decided not to go because of excuse X or because you didn’t like person Y. Let's go even further... Making dinner between the two of you becomes a battlefield because there is no compromise on what to cook, or a constant argument breaks out and only one person ends up cooking or take-out eventually gets ordered.

Whether it is a lack of willingness to compromise, negative outlook toward activities, or a general dislike of outside variables tied to your significant other, try to avoid being the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit unless you have a damn good reason for being rebellious.

3. You're Trying Too Hard to Make It Work

Relationships should never fall under the “working to make this work” category. It's even worse when you find yourself feeling that you are “trying too hard” to make it work. If a relationship doesn’t work, it is either a problem with one of the persons, a problem with the environment, a problem with the situation, or a problem with the couple themselves.

“Trying too hard” usually has a negative effect on anything and everything, whether it is the situation or the person; it has a high chance of alienating or falsely leading others and you are more likely to “burn out” or cut yourself far too short. Once again, compromise is a key player in building successful relationships.

4. You Aren't Satisfied with Your Relationship and Express It Continually

The Short: No one likes a constant complainer, especially for long-term concepts as sacred as a relationship and potentially, marriage.

The Long: If you do feel dissatisfied in your relationship, there are much better ways than to go about it than to undermine yourself via constant complaints or annoying others attached or associated to you. A serious “relationship talk”, although scary for both parties at first, generally goes well if both parties want to see it through. Or, just explain your position and feelings to your significant other but keep your calm. Be serious about it; crying, begging, yelling, and any other outburst type of action forces attention away from your future situation and brings focus only to avoiding the current shallow problem, and it’s generally a major turnoff/deal breaker for repairing or strengthening healthy relationships.

5. You Aren’t Satisfied with Their Gifts

Gifts are one of the many signs of affection/friendship one can give to another. This one is more of a personal feeling than one that has a possible solution. One can feel negatively towards a $100 gift and also negatively towards a hand-me-down gift, no matter the cost or description of the item. There is also the possibility that maybe you aren’t good at receiving gifts or affection? The only time this should be of concern is if your partner is just giving you gifts without thinking about you.

The general rule of thumb is to be thankful for all gifts given to you, especially those that would do better in your possession than in that of the giver. If your significant other is giving you a serious gift, it would do you well to think about it rather than to dismiss it quickly or negatively. Behaving negatively towards a positive action teaches to not do that positive action again, and you don’t want to do that.

6. You Aren’t Satisfied with Their Displays of Affection

Once again, this is more personal than something that has a possible solution, but that doesn’t make this feeling (or lack thereof) any less destructive to a relationship. Everyone has different ways of showing affection—don’t count on the way your partner gives it being the exact same way that you like receiving it. Some examples of affection include food, massages, conversation, gifts, companionship, company, idea/ideal sharing, hugging, “farting contests”, gaming together, ass slaps, singing together, wrestling, play-fighting… you name it!

It is possible for you and your partner to disagree on at least one of the above, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed because there is an affection conflict. While it is possible to forcibly redirect a person’s interest to deliver affection in the way you'd prefer, I would highly recommend against it. If there is something you dislike, let them know and then follow up by stating something you would like, and work together to curb each other toward the other's desires.

7. Emotions Sour When You Get Involved

Maybe you just bring an aura of negativity or social destruction with you everywhere you go. Sometimes, it’s just being far too easy to insult or take offense. Sometimes, your friends need to watch what they say around you, or your significant other needs to be cautious around you to avoid your field of landmines.

This is never good for anybody—for both friendships and relationships—where the fewer your landmines, the easier it can be for the two of you. Spend more time dancing together through each other's problems than dancing around each other's problems.

8. You Don’t Feel like Doing Anything for Them

Also known as “burnout” or “relationship apathy/complacency”, both can occur from negative or positive feelings, successively. It is ok to have lulls, breaks, or downtimes between activities with your significant other. Actually, it is vital that there is some downtime to avoid burnout or complacency.

The flip side of this is to avoid having so much downtime that you no longer feel like doing anything with them because you've gotten comfortable not doing anything. And vice versa—doing too much to the point that you feel too tired to do things or they become commonplace and expected, thus dropping their significance. This number goes for both partners together and as individuals, as well.

9. You Constantly Feel the Need to Be with Them

Now, this one is a mixed bag because, like #5 and #6, this can be a personal issue for someone whose personal needs falls into this category. For some, a relationship means constantly being with that person and doing everything together. This can be misinterpreted as being “needy”, “clingy” or other, similar words. This is generally seen as negative and made doubly worse if your “clinginess” stems from making sure you are keeping your significant other in line.

Give your partner some space and go do something on your own, or invite your significant other to whatever you’re doing and don’t feel bad if they decline. Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything that they want to do either—compromise!

10. You Demand More Attention While Sharing Interests

Oh hey, another sign/reason that involves that C-word again—compromise! Ideally, you would like to share interests and activities 50/50 with each other. 40/60 is ok too, but when you are reaching into the 20/80s or one side constantly demands/suggests activities while declining their partner’s activities/ideas, things tend to slide downwards, causing apathy and burnout.

The gray area here involves a partner that doesn’t really have many interests to share or activities they would like to do, by which an 80/20 would be ok to do, but do not demand they do anything. Always give them the choice of denying your suggested activity and do not feel sad if they do, unless it is something extremely important. (There is a major difference between canceling dinner plans because you don’t feel like eating and canceling Disney World or a Cruise because you don’t feel like going.)

The greatest thing about relationship problems is that they can be worked out, as long as both parties are willing to change. The key words to solving all problems are compromise and understanding. A good luck to all.

If I've posted incorrect information or if you have a suggestion please leave a comment below.

Questions & Answers

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • profile image

        Grace 

        2 years ago

        I must confess that over here in the United States it is very difficult to get a powerful spell caster that will be able to restore broken marriages or relationships, But through the help of the internet i was able to get in touch with this powerful spell caster called High priest tokubo after reading a lot of good reviews about him on the internet so i contact him through his details bellow And after i told him about my relationship stress then high priest tokubo told me to calm down that my lover will come back to apologies to me for leaving me, I never taught that this was going to be possible, Just within 48 hours that i contacted high priest tokubo my lover sent me and an sms text saying that i should forgive him and before i knew it he was already at my place begging me to accept him back. you can contact him on: (highpriesttokubo @ gmail . com)

      • Ebonny profile image

        Ebonny 

        5 years ago from UK

        I was particularly interested to read what you had to say about trying too hard and compromise. Thank you for sharing.

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)