Relationships are tricky. They involve time, patience, compromise, and a penchant for empathy and unity between you and your significant other. There will always be problems; no relationship exists without turbulence, but it is up to the two of you to work these problems out. Unfortunately, some problems might stem directly from one of the two in the relationship. Here are 10 signs that you might be the one causing unnecessary problems for your relationship.
10 Reasons You Might Be Causing Your Own Relationship Problems
- Your relationship worries cause more problems.
- Whenever you get involved, things fall to pieces.
- You feel that you are trying too hard to make this work.
- You don’t feel satisfied with your relationship and express it continually.
- You aren’t satisfied with his/her gifts.
- You aren’t satisfied with her/her displays of affection.
- Emotions generally sour when you get involved.
- You don’t feel like doing anything for your significant other.
- You feel dependent and constantly feel the need to be with him/her.
- You demand more attention while sharing interests.
1. Your Relationship Worries Cause More Problems
Worries exist to give form to our uneasiness, a feeling that arises when you feel that something is not right. The most important thing to note about worry and uneasiness is that both are based on how you feel. How one feels may not be 100% true or logical, thus the actions you might take to relieve or solve your worry may be damaging or illogical.
In short, don’t try to solve relationship worries on your own or without having given good neutral thought upon them. If you try to prove or “expose” an answer, you will most likely be doing more harm than good unless you are 110% sure. Just quietly and calmly express your worries when you have some private time together and talk it through before taking action.
2. Whenever You Get Involved, Things Fall to Pieces
Remember that trip to Disney World that the two of you planned, and then you canceled at the last second without giving a concrete reason? How about something as simple as going out to dinner together with some friends and you canceled or decided not to go because of excuse X or because you didn’t like person Y. Let's go even further... Making dinner between the two of you becomes a battlefield because there is no compromise on what to cook, or a constant argument breaks out and only one person ends up cooking or take-out eventually gets ordered.
Whether it is a lack of willingness to compromise, negative outlook toward activities, or a general dislike of outside variables tied to your significant other, try to avoid being the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit unless you have a damn good reason for being rebellious.
3. You're Trying Too Hard to Make It Work
Relationships should never fall under the “working to make this work” category. It's even worse when you find yourself feeling that you are “trying too hard” to make it work. If a relationship doesn’t work, it is either a problem with one of the persons, a problem with the environment, a problem with the situation, or a problem with the couple themselves.
“Trying too hard” usually has a negative effect on anything and everything, whether it is the situation or the person; it has a high chance of alienating or falsely leading others and you are more likely to “burn out” or cut yourself far too short. Once again, compromise is a key player in building successful relationships.
4. You Aren't Satisfied with Your Relationship and Express It Continually
The Short: No one likes a constant complainer, especially for long-term concepts as sacred as a relationship and potentially, marriage.
The Long: If you do feel dissatisfied in your relationship, there are much better ways than to go about it than to undermine yourself via constant complaints or annoying others attached or associated to you. A serious “relationship talk”, although scary for both parties at first, generally goes well if both parties want to see it through. Or, just explain your position and feelings to your significant other but keep your calm. Be serious about it; crying, begging, yelling, and any other outburst type of action forces attention away from your future situation and brings focus only to avoiding the current shallow problem, and it’s generally a major turnoff/deal breaker for repairing or strengthening healthy relationships.
5. You Aren’t Satisfied with Their Gifts
Gifts are one of the many signs of affection/friendship one can give to another. This one is more of a personal feeling than one that has a possible solution. One can feel negatively towards a $100 gift and also negatively towards a hand-me-down gift, no matter the cost or description of the item. There is also the possibility that maybe you aren’t good at receiving gifts or affection? The only time this should be of concern is if your partner is just giving you gifts without thinking about you.
The general rule of thumb is to be thankful for all gifts given to you, especially those that would do better in your possession than in that of the giver. If your significant other is giving you a serious gift, it would do you well to think about it rather than to dismiss it quickly or negatively. Behaving negatively towards a positive action teaches to not do that positive action again, and you don’t want to do that.
6. You Aren’t Satisfied with Their Displays of Affection
Once again, this is more personal than something that has a possible solution, but that doesn’t make this feeling (or lack thereof) any less destructive to a relationship. Everyone has different ways of showing affection—don’t count on the way your partner gives it being the exact same way that you like receiving it. Some examples of affection include food, massages, conversation, gifts, companionship, company, idea/ideal sharing, hugging, “farting contests”, gaming together, ass slaps, singing together, wrestling, play-fighting… you name it!
It is possible for you and your partner to disagree on at least one of the above, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed because there is an affection conflict. While it is possible to forcibly redirect a person’s interest to deliver affection in the way you'd prefer, I would highly recommend against it. If there is something you dislike, let them know and then follow up by stating something you would like, and work together to curb each other toward the other's desires.
7. Emotions Sour When You Get Involved
Maybe you just bring an aura of negativity or social destruction with you everywhere you go. Sometimes, it’s just being far too easy to insult or take offense. Sometimes, your friends need to watch what they say around you, or your significant other needs to be cautious around you to avoid your field of landmines.
This is never good for anybody—for both friendships and relationships—where the fewer your landmines, the easier it can be for the two of you. Spend more time dancing together through each other's problems than dancing around each other's problems.
8. You Don’t Feel like Doing Anything for Them
Also known as “burnout” or “relationship apathy/complacency”, both can occur from negative or positive feelings, successively. It is ok to have lulls, breaks, or downtimes between activities with your significant other. Actually, it is vital that there is some downtime to avoid burnout or complacency.
The flip side of this is to avoid having so much downtime that you no longer feel like doing anything with them because you've gotten comfortable not doing anything. And vice versa—doing too much to the point that you feel too tired to do things or they become commonplace and expected, thus dropping their significance. This number goes for both partners together and as individuals, as well.
9. You Constantly Feel the Need to Be with Them
Now, this one is a mixed bag because, like #5 and #6, this can be a personal issue for someone whose personal needs falls into this category. For some, a relationship means constantly being with that person and doing everything together. This can be misinterpreted as being “needy”, “clingy” or other, similar words. This is generally seen as negative and made doubly worse if your “clinginess” stems from making sure you are keeping your significant other in line.
Give your partner some space and go do something on your own, or invite your significant other to whatever you’re doing and don’t feel bad if they decline. Don’t feel obligated to say yes to everything that they want to do either—compromise!
10. You Demand More Attention While Sharing Interests
Oh hey, another sign/reason that involves that C-word again—compromise! Ideally, you would like to share interests and activities 50/50 with each other. 40/60 is ok too, but when you are reaching into the 20/80s or one side constantly demands/suggests activities while declining their partner’s activities/ideas, things tend to slide downwards, causing apathy and burnout.
The gray area here involves a partner that doesn’t really have many interests to share or activities they would like to do, by which an 80/20 would be ok to do, but do not demand they do anything. Always give them the choice of denying your suggested activity and do not feel sad if they do, unless it is something extremely important. (There is a major difference between canceling dinner plans because you don’t feel like eating and canceling Disney World or a Cruise because you don’t feel like going.)
The greatest thing about relationship problems is that they can be worked out, as long as both parties are willing to change. The key words to solving all problems are compromise and understanding. A good luck to all.
If I've posted incorrect information or if you have a suggestion please leave a comment below.
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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Ebonny from UK on May 12, 2013:
I was particularly interested to read what you had to say about trying too hard and compromise. Thank you for sharing.