The Emotional Vampire (Narcissist) at Play
Being in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, or who suffers with the full disorder, can be a long and painful path to bear which often leads to devastation, despair and outright misery.
Those inflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although technically not their fault, are certainly not easy people to deal with, especially when it comes to relationships.
When in a relationship, narcissists will usually allow time to pass and continue to wait patiently until they know that their partner has developed true genuine love, empathy and trust for them. Once they are absolutely certain that this level of trust has been established, this is their cue that their partner is now emotionally attached to them. This is the narcissist's cue that their partner/victim is ready to be exploited. They may then go on to employ manipulative and deceitful tactics such as gaslighting and crazymaking.
The narcissist's partner is now exactly where they want them and the narcissist can now use their victim as a primary source of narcissistic supply (attention, adoration, adulation, etc). The narcissist will usually then continue to emotionally and mentally (and in some cases physically) abuse and drain their partner until they fear that the victim may be considering leaving the relationship. The only thing that will lead a narcissist into stopping their abuse is their intense fear of abandonment. Their primary source of narcissistic supply is essential to them.
It's inevitable that extreme forms of emotional and/or mental abuse, emotional blackmail, character assassination and financial abuse are all present in the relationship in some way, shape or form. If the narcissist is married to their partner then it's also highly likely that sexual misconduct will also be an issue.
Once the victim feels like they have been worn down to the very core of their soul and they eventually seek to escape the relationship, the narcissist will then expertly feign sorrow, empathy and compassion thereby providing the victim with some sense of relief from all the confusion and pain they have been made to endure.
After so much devastation and despair and just wanting things to be okay, the desperate victim may fall for the bait and takes the only logical escape route they can see and so the narcissist sucks them back in ready to do it all over again next time... but only once they've attained that certain level of trust again. Again, they will wait patiently and allow time to pass. After all, time is the great healer and faith becomes restored again.
Unbeknownst to the victim, they are being kept on the end of a psychological leash which exists because deep down inside the narcissist has a very real and very powerful fear of being abandoned; abandonment is not an option and is the best factor that can be used by a victim of narcissistic abuse to their advantage.
Many people may fail to understand why a narcissist would act in such a way in the first place; why would someone have an intense fear of being abandoned by a person who they do not really love and who they do not have genuine feelings for, someone who they are abusing?
The answer to this lies not in the fact that the narcissist loves their partner or has feelings for them but because their victim, their relationship partner, is their main source of narcissistic supply and the narcissist knows that the victim has very real feelings for them.
By providing their victims with relief from all the confusion and desperation that the narcissist has made them endure, the bait is taken as a form of relief from the turmoil.
Let Me Control You...
The victim is only left with two options:
Either choose the bait the narcissist offers and accept relief from the abuse, or allow the narcissist to continue engaging in character assassination thereby destroying their victim's reputation and livelihood, usually outside of their awareness and whilst simultaneously turning their private life a living nightmare.
Despite the fact that narcissists impose such dire circumstances on their victims while attempting to destroy the victim's reputation in the background, the narcissist covers up their actions expertly and flawlessly by portraying the victim as a good person to other people around them, making out that they respect their victim who is honest, intelligent, empathetic and whom they love dearly - nobody would suspect the narcissist of abusing the victim or of spreading malicious lies and rumours about them; lies mixed with truths, making them half-truths.
Narcissists choose a victim who they can likely use to uphold their false self; their good-as-gold "wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone" exterior which is, in reality, nothing more than a mask of sanity used to project their false persona.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
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© 2017 Marc Hubs