Having experienced and recovered from toxic relationships, Dana writes relationship advice pieces to help others thrive and find happiness.
Relationships come with many ups, as well as a multitude of downs. One day you and your significant other could be in complete harmonic bliss, but on another day you could find that you are frustrated and irritated with one another. Relationships are a series of checks and balances, and everyone will experience some bad with the good.
In the throes of passion, it can be difficult to read the signs of whether or not your significant other is truly “the one” for you. It’s natural to be in an argument and contemplate whether or not you’re actually compatible with your significant other. Every successful relationship has faced challenges and has questioned whether or not the decision to stay together is right or not. But no one knows what the future holds, so we can’t always be certain what the outcome of a relationship will truly be until we reach the end, whether that end is til death do us part or a deliberate separation.
At what point can we determine if a relationship should end? What must happen for a couple to realize that it’s time to part ways? At what point can a couple recognize that love simply isn’t enough?
There are surefire signs that a relationship is likely going to fail. If you’re contemplating whether or not your relationship should continue or not, ask yourself if you’ve seen these signs pop up in the relationship. If you’ve seen these signs more often than not, it just may be time to walk away:
Your Friends and Family Aren’t Fond of Your Significant Other
If a vast majority of your closest friends and family take issue with your significant other, it’s likely that they are the wrong person for you. Friends and family know you the best, and someone compatible will receive the same adoration as you.
Your Significant Other has Threatened Your Relationship With Ultimatums
This is what I would consider the biggest red flag. Ultimatums are a way of gaining power over your significant other. When your significant other uses ultimatums, they stripe away your ability to make decisions and put all the power in their hands. It’s not a healthy way of coping with a situation as it uses fear and manipulation to control the situation. Ultimately nothing gets resolved when someone uses an ultimatum, especially in instances where the relationship is being threatened. If your significant other offers ultimatums rather than respecting you enough to work through an issue, take that as your cue that it’s time to leave.
There’s a Gap Between Your Ambitions
If you and your significant other have vastly different goals and ambitions in life, it’s likely that this will cause tension in the relationship. Maybe one of you likes taking on challenges, expanding skills, and moving forward in a career while the other one doesn’t have a meaningful career, doesn’t care to aspire to much, and is generally lazier. At some point, this difference could make you have to choose between your ambitions or the relationship, which could stir up negative feelings.
One of You Puts More Work Into the Relationship
Relationships are constant work that require two people to put in equal efforts. If you feel you’re putting more effort into the relationship than your significant other, this will throw everything off balance and things will start to unravel. If you feel that you’re putting in more work into the relationship, maybe it’s time to reevaluate.
Your Significant Other Isn’t Appreciative of You
If your significant other is not appreciative of the things you do for them, it means that they’ve come to expect you to do things for them, they don’t find meaning in your actions, or they are thankless. No matter what the reason is, if your significant other doesn’t appreciate what you do for them now, they likely never will. Feeling underappreciated will eventually cause tension in the relationship, so consider why they aren’t appreciative of you and maybe take that as a hint to find someone who is.
Lies Have Been Introduced Into the Relationship
If there is one person you should be 100% honest with, that is your significant other. Lying to your significant other is a tell tale sign that they are trying to hide something from you, and it’s likely not good. Lying breaks trust, which is one of the most important elements of a relationship. Once lying has been introduced into the relationship, it’s very difficult bounce back, simply because you will spend a lot of time wondering what else your significant other is trying to hide from you. If lies pop up in your relationship, it may be time to turn around and walk away before the lies become deeper.
You and Your Significant Other Argue A Lot
Every couple will argue from time to time. However, if you find that you and your significant other are constantly in spats, that may be all the convincing you need to leave. Arguments arise when two people have different views or opinions on a matter. If you argue about things often, it means that you’re not agreeing on many issues. If your arguments over the same issues continue, then you’re not finding a solution or a compromise to the problem and nothing gets solved.
You Don’t Argue Healthy
There is definitely a healthy and unhealthy way to argue. When you and your significant other argue in a healthy way, both of you are able to speak and you respect each other's point of views. When arguing healthy, you learn your significant other’s perspective and you almost always find a resolution. In an unhealthy argument, opinions are one-sided, there is name calling, ultimatums are used, and emotions are irrational. If you find that your arguments lean towards the unhealthy side more often than not, it’s a sure sign that your significant does not respect you or your feelings.
You Worry You’re Going to Cheat
People in happy relationships don’t have to mentally psych themselves up to not cheat on their significant other. If you’re out and you have to tell yourself that you won’t cheat on your significant other, then you may have bigger problems in your relationship. Having the “wandering eye” means that there is a void in your current relationship, so it would be best to leave your relationship than find ways to make up for what is missing.
Your Significant Other Doesn’t Want to Spend Time With Your Friends or Family
It’s important that your significant other get to know your friends and family. Every person is a package deal, so when you enter into someone’s life, you take it all. If your significant other never wants to spend time with your friends and family, this is a red flag that you should reconsider your relationship. Now I don’t mean your significant other should want to go catch drinks and a movie with your closest loved ones without you. But they should be able to attend gatherings and have an enjoyable time in the presence of your friends and family. Be wary of a significant other who will do anything to get out of attending a function because it means they likely take issue with those you care about the most. While it may be okay initially, it could escalate to a point where they start to make you choose between your loved ones and them, which is never okay.
Your Significant Other Makes Excuses
Honest actions never need to be explained or excused. If your significant other seems to always be full of excuses or needs to explain or defend everything they do, then it may be time to consider a separation. Excuses are usually a sign of lying, a sign that your significant other was doing something that they shouldn’t have been doing, or a sign that they just don’t have their life put together. No matter the reasoning, excuses are not a good sign and should be taken as a red flag that something is just not right.
Your Lives Revolve Around Your Significant Other
All relationships require compromises, especially with major lifestyle decisions such as where you live, how you spend holidays, or where each of you work. However, if all the compromising leans in favor of your significant other, then something is just not right. If your significant other controls all, or most, of these major decisions, it could be a sign that they are controlling or manipulating the relationship. If all the big decisions seem to lean in their favor, it might be time to consider your relationship, especially if these decisions don’t make you happy.
You and Your Significant Other Don’t Talk About Anything Meaningful
To have a meaningful connection with your significant other, you need to talk and communicate. If you find that you and your significant other have nothing to say to each other, maybe it’s time to leave the relationship. Unlike some issues, it’s difficult to suddenly wake up and decide you suddenly have something to talk about. An issue like this will likely continue to grow rather than resolve.
You and Your Significant Don’t Spend Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together allows relationships to grow and flourish. But spending quality time together takes time and effort. Over time, as the initial excitement begins to fade away, setting aside quality time together requires more of a conscious effort than when you first began dating. This can be especially true for couples who live together because when you see a person every day, it becomes easy to forget to set aside quality time. If you and your significant other don’t spend quality time together, it may be a sign that things aren’t headed in a good direction, especially if your significant other is resistant to making the time.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.