Should I Forgive Him or Her for Cheating?

Updated on December 5, 2016
Would you forgive your partner for cheating on you? Before you decide, know the consequences your decision.
Would you forgive your partner for cheating on you? Before you decide, know the consequences your decision. | Source

Should I forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me? My girlfriend slept with someone else, should I forgive her? My partner cheated on me, should my relationship be given another chance? My guy had an affair with a girl in his neighborhood, should I forgive him or dump him?

There is more to such messy situations of life than textbook answers. Find the answer to this penultimate heartbreaker – Should I forgive him/her - but knowing the consequences first. This post elaborates on the situations you are likely to find yourself in, either way.

If You Forgive Him or Her for Cheating on You

1) Your relationship will be given another chance

Acts of forgiveness are all about giving second chances. If you decide to forgive your boyfriend or girlfriend for cheating on you, the relationship will be given a lifeline. You both will get a chance to build the foundations of your partnership all over again.

Second chances in life don't come too often and if you think that your relationship deserves one, you may want to give forgiveness a chance.

2) Your boyfriend/girlfriend will respect you more

Forgiving a cheating partner is the ultimate sign of love and loyalty. If the whole cheating episode was a temporary lack of judgment and your partner still truly loves you, he/she will respect you more for your decision to forgive.

It takes a big heart to forgive even for the smallest of things, let alone betrayal in a relationship. There is little doubt that your partner will have a new found respect towards you for the generosity, love and commitment you have shown towards the relationship.

3) Your conscious will become stronger and enlightened

Why should I forgive him/her? Do I really want to give this another chance? Does he/she deserve to be forgiven? These are the type of questions that your mind will possibly rummage through when you are faced with this critical decision.

Once you have cleared your head and sorted out your priorities, your conscious will become enlightened and you will have a new perspective towards life. It takes guts of steel to forgive a cheating partner and the fact that you did, will make you psychological wiser and stronger.

4) You will have to build trust all over again

How do you trust someone when they have cheated on you by going out or sleeping with someone else? That is a mind numbing question to answer and there is little doubt that a scenario like this will push trust levels down into negative.

Before you decide to forgive him/her, you must be prepared to build trust in your relationship – all over again. Relationships turn from romantic dreams to horrid nightmares when there is lack of trust. Attempts to revert trust levels back will be met with roadblocks that will be tough to climb over. You will need to decide if this tough journey is worth taking on, or not.

5) The past may continuously haunt you

With forgiveness, especially in a situation like this, comes the added responsibility to learn how to stop worrying about the past. Our brains are not hard disks or chips from which selective memories can be magically erased.

The human mind is rife with thoughts and emotions that continuously affect current state of mind, and the dreaded sub-conscious. Your decision to forgive your girlfriend or boyfriend for cheating on you is not as easy as flicking a switch.

As you both attempt to move on, everyday life with your partner will possibly marred by arguments and fights as you cope up with the nightmare that you have been through.

6) Wrath of the social fabric: People may make fun of you

If you forgive your boyfriend or girlfriend for cheating on you, there are chances that you could face the wrath of the social fabric of your friend circle and others around you.

'He's the guy who forgave his girlfriend despite knowing that she slept with someone else' or 'She must be out of her mind to forgive her boyfriend for cheating on her with her best friend' is the kind of gossip that you should be prepared to face head on.

Whether or not you want to consider how social connections are going to affect your relationship is a decision you will need to take after careful consideration. Is your relationship going to lead to marriage? If it is, do all your family members know about the cheating episode? What do your friends think about it? Start with these thoughts and made a well informed decision.

Never to worry about what people have to talk behind your back, is one of the core principals of life that the best of us hold on to. But when it comes to relationships, it gets a bit tricky because long term relationships that potentially lead to marriage are more susceptible to be judged.

7) You may feel that your partner owes you

If you have managed to overlook the trauma of a cheating episode and chosen to forgive your partner, you could inadvertently start believing that your partner owes you for the same. There are chances that you may start feeling that your partner is now obliged to be nice to you all the time.

Lines like 'I forgave you for cheating on me, the least you can do is make up for it' may become common place when the two of you have the slightest of arguments.

8) Cheating can relapse

Why would someone cheat again? The answers could range from something as malicious as money, lust and greed to something as simple as the opportunity to do so.

Acts of kindness and forgiveness have been forever taken advantage of. If your partner has malicious intentions, your decision to forgive him/her could be seen as a sign of weakness. Your partner may think 'I got away with it once. It didn't do any damage after all'.

If You Don't Forgive Him/Her for Cheating

1) Your relationship will be over

Cheating and infidelity is the ultimate form of betrayal. If you find your partner's act of cheating too hard to digest, a breakup may very well be the only way out.

A breakup will do no good to either parties but sometimes the damage is just too severe. If you think that there is absolutely no chance that you will be able to forgive your partner ever, a break up is possibly the only way out.

2) The breakup will teach him/her a lesson

If you decide not to forgive your girlfriend or boyfriend for cheating on you, the breakup is likely to teach her/him a solid lesson in life.

The end of your relationship will be a stern jolt to your partner's conscious and the fallout of a breakup will constantly remind him/her of the consequences of cheating on someone.

3) Feelings of hate and anger may thrive in your mind

Affairs are emotional daggers that rip through a lover's heart. Sometimes the wound is just too big to ignore. If this sounds like you, it may be hard to forgive your partner and you could still have pent up feelings of anger and hate towards him/her.

If this is the case, chances of reconciliation between you and the guy/girl who cheated on you are less. Even if you choose to forget the episode and move on, feelings of anger and hate may still lie hidden somewhere deep inside your wounded heart for the rest of your life.

4) Your faith in love will temporarily diminish

I loved her so much, why did she do this to me? Why did he break my heart? What have I ever done to deserve this? Questions like these will possibly haunt a heartbroken partner's mind. And if you have just found yourself on the receiving end, chances are that your faith in the love will temporarily diminish.

If you decide not to forgive your partner, you may subconsciously look at every relationship you step in to with suspicious eyes. Getting over a break up is not easy, let alone being cheated on. It will be a while before your faith and belief in love returns to its innocent self.

5) Both of you will eventually move on

Whoever said 'Time heals all wounds' obviously knew what they were talking about. No matter how bitter a heartbreak seems like, people always learn how to cope up with life and move on.

No matter how painful life seems right now, the smile on your face will come back, your sense of humor will return and life will again seem beautiful. As time goes by, you will meet new people in your life and start new relationships. As they say, no matter how dark the skies get, there is always a silver lining.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

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      dashingscorpio 

      6 years ago

      Life is a personal journey. Each of us gets to have our list of "deal breakers". If cheating is on your list odds are your mate knew it before they decided to cross the line. In other words they decided it was worth the risk to have what they wanted in the moment.

      Personally the only way I could imagine forgiving a cheater is if I felt responsible in some way of neglecting their needs or ignoring their cries for help to improve the relationship. However when I'm "in love" I give it my all. If someone cheated on me after that I would have nothing new to offer them a second time around. It would be pointless for me to jump through the hoops of trying to learn to trust them again. For me cheating is a "deal breaker". In a world with 7 billion people in it I have to believe I can find someone who would share my same values. I know I can do better because I have done better.

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