Excuses are justifications for what we don’t want to do. Though this article is written in answer to the question “What are excuses men come up with in relationships”, it would be appropriate to say that both men and women make excuses in relationships all the time. The reasons are innumerable, but what your excuses tell about you is this; you are not ready for what you got yourself into.
You are not committed enough or you are unsure of what you want. Either way there is work to do from a personal development or self-improvement point of view. Though your excuses may seem to justify you, they may often be seen as feeble lies to your spouse or partner. They may also speak about your emotional state. Excuses in general are only a means to avoid responsibility.
They are a means of buying time and procrastinating or dragging your feet over those decisions you really ought to make. Excuses in relationships hurt more than the truth. It is ironic that the very excuses that are often made to shield people, hurt more than the truth itself, and become the focal point of many breakups.
Top 13 Excuses Men Make
Listening is the key to all relationship issues. Listen to what your man is saying, I am not talking about hearing the words, but listen to his emotions, notice the phrases he uses and it is easy to tell what is going on in his mind. You could save yourself some heartache if you listen and don't jump to conclusions. These excuses listed here are only indications...but when you listen you can pick out the nuances and the body language that could tell you more than any internet article would ever tell you.. Listen to your instincts.
- I’ve got work to do. This is common one when a man wants to avoid you. Having said that, you need to know if he is really busy or just faking it. If he is faking it, it could mean a whole lot of things; I am really not into you, I don’t think this will work, I don’t want to get hooked up yet, I am not interested. All this could add up to ‘move on’ or ‘we are not an item yet’. If this happens to be your spouse, you need to know something is not working the way he wants it. Your charm is wearing off. It is time to freshen things in the relationship. If this is an excuse that you hear often, it is time for introspection for both of you.
- I am stressed out. He could be telling you that you are boring or he’s tired of hanging out with you, or just that he is just buying time. If your spouse says this, it could mean he is indicating to you are not providing what he wants or you nag him way too much or I need a break, back off. This could also mean I don’t want you to load me with chores. I do not want to take up more responsibility apart from my career. It could be plain avoidance and a means of saying - the spark has gone from the relationship.
- I will be ready soon enough. This could mean any number of things; I want to have fun, but without the burden of commitment. I will hang around until I find my ideal partner. You could fill in the gaps and keep me entertained until then. Girl, he is not serious about you, you are just his toy, move on.
- Let us be friends..would likely mean this relationship is over, I am not romantically inclined towards you. I am looking for that ‘perfect someone’. You need to know that the guy is not serious after being in the relationship for a considerable period of time. But if this happens early on in the relationship then there is still hope for the two of you.
- You are too good for me. Understand that your man is saying, ‘Hey, I don't think we are compatible, our values clash and we may never be on the same page’. It is moving on time. He could also be saying, ‘I am still looking for that perfect partner. You don’t actually fit in.’
- You look perfect in anything. Either your man is totally and completely in love with you and is blind to your faults or he is just saying I don’t care how you look, it gives me the excuse to gawk at the better dressed women, while you sulk...envying them. If it is your spouse, please take some advice from your friends to know what they think about the way you dress. They would tell you the truth.. it may be time to change your wardrobe and add spunk to it.
- Everyday is a special day with you, why do we need to commercialize this and make a big show of love. Or ‘I did not want to buy something you did not want, I was planning on taking you to the mall this evening’. Translate this to - I forgot to get you a gift on your birthday or our anniversary, or I am not going to waste money in buying expensive gifts for you. You are not worth it. It could mean that he does not value you, or he thinks that if he buys you expensive gifts, you may get the wrong message; that he is committing to the relationship. He is either being careful or just plain mean. His gifts will tell you all you need to know. Move on or learn to live with his stinginess.
- I have some work to catch up with, you better catch up on your sleep. This could mean I’d like to hang around with the boys for a round of golf or party hard with the boys. If he talks about his friends more than he usually does, take it as harmless fun and drop the issue. But if he is tight-lipped, secretive and jumpy whenever you talk about his late evenings you may have something to worry about. If you are his wife, get ready to handle more problems than usual.
- I love the way you cook. Your man could be saying - I hate cooking and prefer it if you wait on me, the lord and master of the house. I am a man and I don’t fit into the kitchen. You’d better know your role in this relationship and don’t expect me to help you. A statement like - ‘You look sexy when I see you working in the kitchen’ is the best excuse yet. It could mean, ‘while you slave and wait on me hand and foot I can have my own fun’. If he hangs around you as you do the work then he really means it. It depends on you, If you like him nuzzling your neck as you work, you can have fun. For you it could mean, accept the truth and be ready for the extra load or find someone more considerate or domestically inclined.
- I cannot handle babies, I am clumsy. You better take care of the kids, paediatrics is your department, I am only interested in gynecology. This is the attitude of some men. ‘I only want the fun, the diapers and the yuck is your department’. You really need to be innovative and find a means of leaving your baby with your man, just as the baby is going to poop or throw up. A couple of experiences in cleaning up may give him hands-on experience and you could gently remind him how well he coped the last few times. I can promise you this does wonders for his ego.
- ‘We can do it tomorrow’, when you ask him to help you out with the dishes. He could be saying - I don’t want to be doing the dishes and the dirty work, just let me be the man around you, that is all I want to be. Be prepared to do all the work yourself. Tomorrow never comes.
- When he is not in a mood for love-making, he could come up with “I think little Johnny is awake” or “I am preoccupied with work.” It could mean his mind is full of someone else, or he is not into you anymore. You need to worry about this, if it happens more often. It could be plain tiredness; give him the benefit of the doubt. Start being proactive and doing things to bring the spark back if this relationship means the world to you.
- This darned ring shrank, or ‘I am really not into jewellery, I wear it only because I love you and now it is too tight it cuts into my skin’. If your man comes up with this classic one, then he wants to flirt with the new girl in the office. Take yourself to the gym if you are his wife. Remind him that he has gotten too fat and needs to accompany you to the gym, work out a sweat as you work out your life.
Your excuses become your legitimate reasons for not doing the things you excused yourself from. Excuses hinder you from being the person you could be. Excuses absolve you off all responsibilities and does a good amount of damage to your integrity. Do you still want to continue with these excuses?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Sophie (author) on February 17, 2020:
Thanks everyone for your comments and inputs. You need not agree to everything in this article. These are the common excuses men come up with.
Genie on August 20, 2017:
Hi Guys...Quick Question I been dating this guy since march.He lives and another state but works in the state I live.He hasn't yet asked me too meet his kids or asked me too come visit him at his home.Nor has he stayed one weekend with me..I always go too him at his hotels..Even visited in varies parts of the state.. But never where he lives at..I believe he's hiding something
no on November 01, 2014:
Really? No one else sees 90% of this as sexist? Most of the reasons given end up to there being something wrong with the female in the relationship. His wedding ring doesn't fit? Take your butt to the gym? Tell him he's fat? Was this written by a teenager? Don't play games in your relationship, if it isn't working, grow a pair, cut the cord, and move on. Have a little respect for yourself jeez. It took my wife leaving me for me to realize I was a terrible husband, and I'm better for it.
Sophie (author) on August 09, 2012:
lovelovemeloveme, Thank you. Much appreciated.
Lovelovemeloveme from Cindee's Land on August 01, 2012:
Girl, you listed and explained all the points sooooo well! Exactly! And men think we play mind games. They're sooo much worst!
Sophie (author) on July 16, 2012:
Excuses, excuses, LOL, I guess you have too many excuses :) For one comment :) Thanks for the excuses though !!! :)
Excuses,excuses!! on July 15, 2012:
Sophie (author) on June 08, 2012:
treevas1, Thanks for coming back again to explain it.. I appreciate that very much. Have a lovely day.
treevas1 on June 07, 2012:
Sometime our judgement went wrong. Sometimes our judgment is reversed because it just look that sighted and do not pay attention to other factors.
Thanks for your explanations.
Glad to know you :)
Sophie (author) on June 06, 2012:
Treevas1 I am sure that you know the person well enough to have a relationship with him/her. You would be able to figure out when he/she is just making an excuse... Intuition helps, but there are other telltale signs like avoiding your eyes, evading the issue, finding more excuses etc... best wishes to you.
treevas1 on June 06, 2012:
nice shot ...
how we find if it's true or maybe just another excuse ?
Sophie (author) on March 09, 2012:
GDRshop, Thanks for that appreciate comment. Have a lovely day.
Sophie (author) on March 09, 2012:
AEvans, I am glad that this made you smile. Thank you for the heads up and the share. I appreciate it very much. Have a wonderful day!
GDRshop on March 06, 2012:
wow, that is actually true
Julianna from SomeWhere Out There on March 06, 2012:
lolol! He is fat and needs to go to the gym with you? I loved it Sofs! Thumbs up and shared! :)
Sophie (author) on March 06, 2012:
Ruby, spot on, my dear. Being honestly.. is a better way of dealing with such a situation. Thank you for the support. Have a lovely day!
Sophie (author) on March 06, 2012:
Eddy, Thank you so much, I truly appreciate the support. Have a beautiful day!
Sophie (author) on March 06, 2012:
The frog Princess, thank you for the heads up. Appreciate that very much. Have a lovely day!
Sophie (author) on March 06, 2012:
LOL, Tim You could laugh at this because of your detachment. But some men really do have a problem saying things as they are. Honestly would be the best route to take,it helps both people involved to deal with the situation more easily and cleanly. Thanks for that comment, coming from a man it is a very balanced view. Have a lovely day and congrats on the Hub of the day!
Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on March 06, 2012:
Great write. Being honest and truthful solves most problems, not all. Voted up...
Eiddwen from Wales on March 06, 2012:
A truly great read sofs;and a one to vote up up and away!!
Take care sofs and enjoy your day,.
The Frog Princess from Florence area of the Great Pee Dee of South Carolina on March 06, 2012:
Nice Hub. So much truth in each sentence.
Tim Nichol from Me to You on March 05, 2012:
Nice hub, sofs. Since I'm not in a relationship at the moment, I suppose I have the advantage of a somewhat detached perspective. I laughed at many of these, mostly because they're largely true. You're so right about learning to listen, and not jumping to conclusions. Both men and women are guilty of this.
I think it's mostly that guys aren't ready for any commitment, but they're uncomfortable telling their partner how they truly feel, for fear of hurting their feelings, or leading to misunderstandings.
Sophie (author) on March 05, 2012:
Paradise, Yes these are excuses supposedly meant to spare the partner of the pain... truth is a bitter pill but a better pill I guess. The truth is that women are no better... excuses are common... that is why I made that statement right at the start of the hub.. I can understand what you mean... and I do agree with you, in some ways men really have a trouble with emoting and expressing themselves well. Thanks for bringing in the balance. I appreciate that very much! Have a beautiful day!
Paradise7 from Upstate New York on March 05, 2012:
Not sure what to think, but rated it up anyway. Sometimes these are excuses: meant to spare the partner's feelings, if the man just isn't in the mood for whatever. Sometimes it's really true: the man has work, or thinks you actually look good in everything you wear...blah, blah, blah.
Sometimes I actually feel sorry for men. It's just so hard for them to get it right with women. We have such suspicious minds!