10 Reasons Your Relationships Might Have Been Unhealthy

Updated on March 16, 2018

I think we have all been through some unhealthy relationships in our life or are still a part of one. Somewhere in some or the other way, be it a romantic relationship or a beloved friendship, we have given everything we can and probably got nothing or less in return.

Sometimes we are aware of the fact and sometimes we are not, keeping us in the dark of how we have been draining ourselves to give someone our best when they don’t even deserve it.

And I think it is time to change that. It's time to love yourself and give yourself everything before giving yourself to anyone. And if some of these reasons are ones you can identify with, you should probably sit down with your partner or your friend and have a chat.

1. Bad or No Communication

This is the first sign of an unhealthy relationship. The communication is just not there. One or two-word answers because your other half is just too tired to form a complete sentence or to give you a proper greeting. Trying to indulge you in some activities, even sex at times, to avoid conversation, coming home late and then leaving early the next morning are some of the usual signs of no communication.

It maybe because of the fact of your busy schedules or because your partner has just lost his / her “interest” in you or like most people say: “There is no chemistry left between us.” Another fact comes in when you complain to everyone else about your relationship problems instead of going straight to your partner. Communication is very important in a relationship. It's what a relationship builds on. If you avoid talking, you won’t understand what the other person is feeling or going through, and you may be in the dark about what is going on in the first place. As much as communication is a building block, it is also a falling block in any relationship.

2. Abuse

Any kind of abuse be it physical, verbal or mental are signs of an unhealthy relationship. It is not and will never be okay for your partner to hurt you. You will never have a valid argument as to why you deserve it (because in the first place you don’t) and there will be no justified answer for their behavior to be abusive towards you. And there is no room for discussion with your partner but there is an immediate need to get out of the relationship if not for anyone then yourself to say the least. Nobody in the world deserves to hurt you or belittle you in any form or way. And I’m positively going to go with the fact that “Someone who loves you, will never hurt you.

3. Manipulation

This is a common case in relationships wherein your partner has an upper hand in everything and easily manipulates you to do things which you are quite uncomfortable with or are against your morals. Just like a puppet on its strings. You need to understand the boundaries of your relationship before anything else and then should be comfortable in those boundaries without breaking the privacy of your partner. So, for instance, if your partner is talking to someone else who you are not comfortable, you should let him / her know beforehand rather than manipulating them in doing so or above anything else accusing them of cheating. There has to be a mutual respect and understanding in a relationship for it to prosper and manipulation is not the way.

4. Pointing Out Flaws

I think personally this is the worst sign in an unhealthy relationship. You DO NOT point out your partner’s flaws and constantly put them below you. And it is not in the matter of personal growth, it is about making you feel bad about yourself. You shouldn’t in any case put others down or, for that matter, let anyone put you down. It is not acceptable in any relationship. You are supposed to encourage and uplift your partner and not the other way around. And lastly, remember that you don’t have to change for anyone or to suit someone else. Accept the way you are.

5. Infidelity

One of the most common issues in relationships is cheating. It is the ultimate betrayal and makes you feel jealous, angry, alone and sometimes unworthy. It ends up with a broken heart and broken trust. Physical contact or not, cheating is a crime which is completely unacceptable. And if by any chance you continue with the relationship, there is going to be some unsaid tension looming upon the both of you. It is really hard to trust someone once they have broken it. (I have been there.)

6. Narcissism

You know your relationship is headed in the wrong direction if the other person does not care about your feelings. It is amazing to love yourself but consuming yourself in it to the point where you can see no one around you is Narcissism. There are stronger chances that you become like them than they becoming like you, so stay away. Your partner is one person you should be able to express yourself to and if the completely disregard the factthen the relationship is not worth it.

7. Lying

Lying is another sign. As said before, a relationship is built off on trust. So, what is the point of lying if you couldn’t keep one of the main aspects of a relationship intact. Habitual lying is also hazardous because that is from where you start your continuous lying. It is compulsory to be honest with your partner and shows the respect you have for eachother.

P.S. it is not counted as a lie if you are planning surprises for your partner.

8. Priorities Change

It shows how unhealthy your relationship is when the priorities change. Of course, it is important to go out with your friends, spend time with your family, have some alone time. But it becomes an issue of concern when you start spending time apart so much that your priorities change slowly. And it is okay if you take a step back to breathe but it is not okay to leave the other person hanging, trying to grab your attention when they should be your main priority. It is important to spend time together more so spending time apart.

9. Decision-Making

It becomes a problem when your partner doesn’t consult you or take your opinions while making decisions. It may be something small like buying groceries or something big like moving in. with trust and understanding, another key ingredient to the mix is equality. There should be independence as well as dependence. It is important to stand in the same field.

10. Physical Contact

We all know that physical contact is a part of any relationship. It becomes unhealthy when you don’t respect the other’s choices of the pace they want to take in. At the same time if everything is well and there is a lack of physical contact, then there might be some serious issues. Lack of intimacy can be a problem. There has to be certain exchange of energies. Blatant relationships do not work.

© 2018 William MarkStone

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 months ago

      Very true.

      I'd also add: "You're unhappy" and "You can't be yourself".

      This often the case when one feels the need to tip toe or walk on egg shells around their mate for fear they might explode or breakup with them. They're willing to jump through hoops to keep him/her happy without expecting anything in return. It's not uncommon for them hide what they're really feeling, thinking, or their opinion in order to keep the peace.

      It's impossible to be happy if you can't be yourself!

      It's important to understand why we chose this person for our mate. Imagine going to a grocery store to purchase an apple but you buy an onion instead. Whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No!

      You learn to become a "better shopper".

      Too many people allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.

      That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us should have a mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us should have boundaries and "deal breakers".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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