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Is My Husband Spying on Me? How to Tell and What to Do

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When You Suspect Snooping

Is your husband or boyfriend spying on you? If you suspect they are snooping, they probably are. What are the reasons a man might spy on his wife? What should you look out for, and how you can prevent someone from spying on you?

Reasons Why Your Husband Is Spying on You

  • He suspects you of cheating.
  • You’ve cheated in the past.
  • You cheated on a previous partner.
  • He is cheating.
  • He needs to control you.
  • He is addicted to spying.
  • He’s a sociopath.
  • He’s genuinely concerned for your well-being.

Signs of Spying

  • Your husband regularly questions you about your activities and the people you talk to. By this I mean he makes it nitpickingly obvious he not simply asking out of interest. It’s a regular occurrence and you feel like you are being interrogated.
  • He unerringly and creepily knows what you have been doing, the arrangements you make and where you’ve been. He mentions things that you know you haven’t told him. When you query how he knows, he flatly denies doing anything wrong and suggests that you are paranoid.
  • Your phone or computer displays odd activity, uses up more bandwidth than usual and needs frequent recharging.
  • You feel uncomfortable, as though you are being watched.

The Spying Sociopath

It turns out that many snoopers are sociopaths, or exhibit sociopath tendencies. One of the giveaways is that the sociopath is a total control freak. He will outright demand that you give him access to your devices and all your passwords. Of course he will convince you that it is only because he loves you and wants to keep you safe.

If you attempt to defend your privacy, he will make sure you know that you can’t hide from him. He’ll recount your conversations with obvious glee. He’ll turn up where you least expect him to. He may siphon money from your bank account. He’ll hack your Facebook and post messages that embarrass you or make you look like a fool.

He will want to know where you are, who you are with and why. It doesn’t work both ways though - he guards his own privacy with practiced determination.

Spying on You to Hide Their Own Guilt

Very often a man will monitor his wife’s activities in order to make sure she doesn’t discover his own infidelities. In this way he is able to make his arrangements around her schedule, ensuring that he doesn’t get caught. If he knows you are shopping with your sister, you’re unlikely to be home for a couple of hours. In any case he’ll know exactly when your car is heading home because he is using GPS to track its progress.

Check Your Home for Spy Cameras

It is ridiculously easy to hide cameras all around the home. Technology advancement means that the tiniest, pinhole camera can record and transmit clear images. The same with microphones. You can do a physical sweep—turn all the lights off and walk slowly around checking for tiny LEDs which will indicate that a device is active. Or you can purchase a reasonably inexpensive bug sweeper to help you track down the spying hardware.

Places to Check

  • Light fittings and lamps
  • Shelves
  • Underside of furniture
  • Dark spots or flecks on walls—could be the location of a pinhole camera
  • Audio equipment, in particular, speakers
  • Ornaments, pictures and flowerpots—anything which is a semi-permanent decor item.

Check Your Car for Tracking Devices

To check your car for GPS tracking devices you will probably need a bug sweeper. It’s difficult to look into all the places where a tracking device may be hidden on a vehicle.

Places to Check

  • Glove compartment
  • Nooks and crannies on the dash
  • Under the dashboard
  • Grill
  • Speakers
  • Inside the bumper
  • Anywhere there’s a gap in the bodywork
  • Under/around the roof-rack
  • Below the bodywork
  • Under the hood/trunk.

Having said all that, there is almost no need for the snooper to go to all the trouble of installing and setting up cameras in your home and GPS tracking on your vehicle—all they need to do is take control of your computer, tablet or phone’s camera and microphone, install keylogging software on your laptop, and install an app (which can be done remotely these days) on your phone. They don’t even have to be geeky to be able to do this. There are many spyware applications and devices available.

Preventing Phone Hacking and Tracking Spyware

  • Always use a strong password or fingerprint recognition for your devices. Avoid pattern swiping— it’s easy to hack.
  • Make sure no one is looking over your shoulder when using a password.
  • Take note of any strange coded messages. They can indicate that the phone is transmitting data or the app is updating itself.
  • Increasing battery drainage may indicate data transmission.
  • Install anti-virus software and regularly run a cleaning app.
  • Set your phone to flight mode when not in use.
  • If you are convinced your phone has been hacked then reset it to factory settings, making sure to back up all your contacts first.

The Social Media Stalker

Does your husband regularly hack into your social media sites? Social media is one of the snooper’s favorite methods of keeping tabs on you. Doesn’t matter how often you change your passwords, they keep doing it. Check out “Is it OK to Spy on Your Partner?” for ways to keep people out of your Facebook account.


How to Know If Your Partner Is Cheating Without Spying on Them

  • They seem to withdraw from youl. If your husband or wife withdraws from you and appears to be lost in their own thoughts. On its own, this is not a reason for divorce but added to some other behaviors will indicate that their mind is not on you.
  • Sex becomes less frequent. Excuses seem hollow. S/he is glad when it’s over.
  • They start hiding their phone . . . and cell phone bills. Alongside this, they spend more time texting and emailing. Their phone is their constant companion. Should it ring or sound a notification, they are on it as fast as a rat up a drainpipe. If you reach for the phone they are visibly on edge.
  • When you challenge them, they become angry. Not escalating irritation, but full-on angry.
  • They are frequently late home. They are not always where they say they’re going to be.
  • You feel that something has changed between you. Trust your instincts on this one.

It’s important to remember that these signs are not certain indicators that there is a third person in your marriage. There could be any number of reasons why your spouse is acting differently. Anything from a health concern to planning a surprise birthday treat may be at the root of a sudden change in behavior.

The key is to open a conversation about why you are worried. Put the emphasis on you rather than on your partner. Their reaction will often be a big clue as to what is going on. If your spouse is eager to reassure you, they may offer you their passwords so you can put your own mind at rest by checking their internet and phone activity. Remember that spying on them without their permission is a violation of their privacy.

Share Your Experience

Have you ever been tracked by your husband or wife? Did you confront them? Did your marriage survive the experience? Please tell us anonymously in the comments below.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: How does my husband know everything I talk about at home?

Answer: He has either placed a listening/recording device in your home, or more likely has installed a listening app on your phone.

Question: What does it mean when your husband tracks your every move every minute of the day?

Answer: It means he has to control you. It means he doesn't trust you. And it means he doesn't respect you as a person. Time to leave him, I would say.

Question: How do I stop my husband and family from spying on me?

Answer: Short answer: divorce him. Separating from someone like this is the only way to safeguard your privacy and prevent him from wrecking you like this.

Question: I have an ex who put cameras in my home. He cloned our phones and a lot of other stuff. I found two cameras in smoke detectors. My son and I get major headaches and my EMF is at a very high level causing us to be sick. Any advice on how to get rid of it? Something has to be drawing power but even with RF detector I can’t locate it. It's been going on for three years.

Answer: Perhaps you could ask a local security firm to 'clean' your home? It will need to be a company (or person) who understands the issues you've had to deal with. They will have more powerful equipment and may also be able to advise you on ongoing measures to protect your home and family.