My Husband Is Spying on Me

Updated on March 7, 2017
theraggededge profile image

A long time ago I had a stalker. He still pops up now and then. I like to think I can help others in the same situation.

Is your husband or boyfriend spying on you? If you suspect they are snooping, they probably are. What are the reasons a man might spy on his wife? What should you look out for, and how you can prevent someone from spying on you?


Reasons Why Your Husband Is Spying on You

  • He suspects you of cheating.
  • You’ve cheated in the past.
  • You cheated on a previous partner.
  • He is cheating.
  • He needs to control you.
  • He is addicted to spying.
  • He’s a sociopath.
  • He’s genuinely concerned for your well-being.

Signs of Spying

Your husband regularly questions you about your activities and the people you talk to. By this I mean he makes it nitpickingly obvious he not simply asking out of interest. It’s a regular occurrence and you feel like you are being interrogated.

He unerringly and creepily knows what you have been doing, the arrangements you make and where you’ve been. He mentions things that you know you haven’t told him. When you query how he knows, he flatly denies doing anything wrong and suggests that you are paranoid.

Your phone or computer displays odd activity, uses up more bandwidth than usual and needs frequent recharging.

You feel uncomfortable, as though you are being watched.

The Spying Sociopath

It turns out that many snoopers are sociopaths, or exhibit sociopath tendencies. One of the giveaways is that the sociopath is a total control freak. He will outright demand that you give him access to your devices and all your passwords. Of course he will convince you that it is only because he loves you and wants to keep you safe.

If you attempt to defend your privacy, he will make sure you know that you can’t hide from him. He’ll recount your conversations with obvious glee. He’ll turn up where you least expect him to. He may siphon money from your bank account. He’ll hack your Facebook and post messages that embarrass you or make you look like a fool.

He will want to know where you are, who you are with and why. It doesn’t work both ways though - he guards his own privacy with practiced determination.

Spying on You to Hide Their Own Guilt

Very often a man will monitor his wife’s activities in order to make sure she doesn’t discover his own infidelities. In this way he is able to make his arrangements around her schedule, ensuring that he doesn’t get caught. If he knows you are shopping with your sister, you’re unlikely to be home for a couple of hours. In any case he’ll know exactly when your car is heading home because he is using GPS to track its progress.

Check Your Home For Spy Cameras

It is ridiculously easy to hide cameras all around the home. Technology advancement means that the tiniest, pinhole camera can record and transmit clear images. The same with microphones. You can do a physical sweep - turn all the lights off and walk slowly around checking for tiny LEDs which will indicate that a device is active. Or you can purchase a reasonably inexpensive bug sweeper to help you track down the spying hardware.

Pay attention to:

  • Light fittings and lamps
  • Shelves
  • Underside of furniture
  • Dark spots or flecks on walls - could be the location of a pinhole camera
  • Audio equipment, in particular speakers
  • Ornaments, pictures and flowerpots - anything which is a semi-permanent decor item.

Check Your Car for Tracking Devices

To check your car for GPS tracking devices you will probably need a bug sweeper. It’s difficult to look into all the places where a tracking device may be hidden on a vehicle.

Places to check include:

  • Glove compartment
  • Nooks and crannies on the dash
  • Under the dashboard
  • Grill
  • Speakers
  • Inside the bumper
  • Anywhere there’s a gap in the bodywork
  • Under/around the roof-rack
  • Below the bodywork
  • Under the hood/trunk.

Having said all that, there is almost no need for the snooper to go to all the trouble of installing and setting up cameras in your home and GPS tracking on your vehicle - all they need to do is take control of your computer, tablet or phone’s camera and microphone, install keylogging software on your laptop, and install an app (which can be done remotely these days) on your phone. They don’t even have to be geeky to be able to do this. There are many spyware applications and devices available.

Preventing Phone Hacking and Tracking Spyware

  • Always use a strong password or fingerprint recognition for your devices. Avoid pattern swiping - it’s easy to hack.
  • Make sure no-one is looking over your shoulder when using a password.
  • Take note of any strange coded messages. They can indicate that the phone is transmitting data or the app is updating itself.
  • Increasing battery drainage may indicate data transmission.
  • Install anti-virus software and regularly run a cleaning app.
  • Set your phone to flight mode when not in use.
  • If you are convinced your phone has been hacked then reset it to factory settings, making sure to back up all your contacts first.

The Social Media Stalker

Does your husband regularly hack into your social media sites? Social media is one of the snooper’s favorite methods of keeping tabs on you. Doesn’t matter how often you change your passwords, they keep doing it. Check out “Is it OK to Spy on Your Partner?” for ways to keep people out of your Facebook account.


How to Know If Your Partner Is Cheating Without Spying on Them

  • Withdrawal. If your husband or wife withdraws from you and appears to be lost in their own thoughts. On its own, this is not a reason for divorce but added to some other behaviors will indicate that their mind is not on you.
  • Sex becomes less frequent. Excuses seem hollow. S/he is glad when it’s over.
  • They start hiding their phone… and cell phone bills. Alongside this, they spend more time texting and emailing. Their phone is their constant companion. Should it ring or sound a notification, they are on it as fast as a rat up a drainpipe. If you reach for the phone they are visibly on edge.
  • When you challenge them, they become angry. Not escalating irritation, but full-on angry.
  • They are frequently late home. They are not always where they say they’re going to be.
  • You feel that something has changed between you.

It’s important to remember that these signs are not certain indicators that there is a third person in your marriage. There could be any number of reasons why your spouse is acting differently. Anything from a health concern to planning a surprise birthday treat may be at the root of a sudden change in behavior.

The key is to open a conversation about why you are worried. Put the emphasis on you rather than on your partner. Their reaction will often be a big clue as to what is going on. If your spouse is eager to reassure you, they may offer you their passwords so you can put your own mind at rest by checking their internet and phone activity. Remember that spying on them without their permission is a violation of their privacy.

Share Your Experience

Have you ever been tracked by your husband or wife? Did you confront them? Did your marriage survive the experience? Please tell us anonymously in the comments below.


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    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 8 weeks ago from Wales

      Good luck, Mia. I understand about being tied by having cats. I was the same. Eventually I managed to get help and found a place where I could take my cats.

      Having said that, I didn't fear my life was in danger despite my ex's violence. If it gets bad, Mia, just leave the cats. Your life is far more important. Take care.

    • profile image

      MiaNeedsHelp 8 weeks ago

      Okay I will try to find a job so I can save up some money so me and my cats arn't homeless. I have no friends or family to turn to for help and since we have been together these past 6 years I've only had 2 jobs that never made it over 3 months because once he found out about them he made my life miserable until I quit but I will just keep trying until I find something. I can't just abandoned my cats and I have lived in homeless shelters before and it didn't go well, everybody just stole my stuff among many other things.

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 8 weeks ago from Wales

      Mia, just leave him. It doesn't matter if he makes you look like 'the bad guy'. How can you be with him if there's no trust and no love? He has NO authority over you. None. So leave and don't worry about what other people think. It's your life.

      More information on house bugging and devices here: There are loads of tips in the comments section too. However, I would not waste my time on trying to prove that he's abusive, I would not give him another minute to bully me. Get rid of him; he's worthless.

    • profile image

      MiaNeedsHelp 2 months ago

      I am 100% without a doubt positive my bf is spying on me with a hidden microphone. I am looking for a recommendation for an affordable detector that actually works. He prevents me from working and I will have to sneak the money so anything over $20 would look suspicious. Is there anything you can suggest. He is always throwing my own words back in my face that he could not of heard unless he is spying on me and when I bring it up he gets so mad and says he's sick of hearing my conspiracy theories about how everyone is out to get me and that I will never get any proof so I better shut up about it because he is sick of hearing my annoying voice. He is extremely emotionally abusive to me and I am afraid to leave him without any proof for he tells everyone I am paranoid and crazy, calls me I am a worthless piece of shit and I am pretty sure that his family is in on it too because a few months ago after my brother committed suicide his mom pulled me aside after the funeral and said that she had hid a gun up in her attic a few years ago and never could find it but that if someone (obv meaning me) wanted to kill themselves then that would be the place to look. Also it should be noted that my bfs uncle owns a business that sells personal protection items such as pepper spray and nanny cams and what not but nothing that he sells on his website is in our home so I am starting to think they mics are planted in our lamps or something similar. Please help me figure this out so that I have proof to show the police so I can finally leave him without him trying to make me look the bad guy.

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 3 months ago from Wales

      Why is he still your boyfriend, Elena?

    • profile image

      Elena 3 months ago

      My boyfriend spies on me. I think this is disgusting because he doesn't respect me .

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 5 months ago from Wales

      Oh Stacy, I feel for you. Why do some people have so little confidence that they have to control others to boost their own self-esteem? How long will you put up with this?

    • profile image

      Stacy 5 months ago

      My husband tries to control everything I do. He limits my internet access, he goes through my drawers and purse. I wish I'd given him a reason to, because then it would be understandable. I found out recently that he was telling the male half of couples we are friends with, that I have mental issues. Wish I had that too because maybe I wouldn't have a cold feeling in my gut. When I told him I couldn't take it anymore, he said that if I left he would make sure to protect himself!!!???I can't describe what it is like to be interrogated where I go, who did I talk to, and forget about using a debt care because he tracks that to. Then comes home and asks,so what did you buy at this(name) store. Finally, he has his brother relay Facebook posts back to him. I've very careful what I post, but evidently you can read stuff into anything. If I unfriendly his brother that will open another can of worms.....

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 9 months ago from Wales

      Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Jane. I do hope you manage to get this sorted out.

    • profile image

      Jane 9 months ago

      My husband says on me. I have never in my life been unfaithful and never will be. He records conversations I have them tells me I "butt dialed him". (When i know for a fact its not always the case) It is always, conveniently, when I am talking about him, and at times those conversations have been taken out of context and caused fights between us, me being the offender for talking about him behind his back. All this has done is actually caused anxiety in me and made me feel farther away from him. It had decreased me sexual desire for him and caused me to withdraw emotionally. I've tried to express my feelings about this but his behavior hasn't changed, and he certainly doesn't give me access to any of his accounts and passwords, let alone let me track him or record his conversations. Now I exhibit the same signs as a cheating spouse when I would never dream of being unfaithful. I own my part in some of the conversations I had while venting to a girlfriend in total confidence. I pray this gets read by anyone deciding to spy on their spouse, and they think long and hard about what kind of relationship ship they want. An action like this can cause you to lose someone you don't want to lose. Ask yourself if it's really worth it.

    • Ashish Dadgaa profile image

      Ashi 10 months ago


      Very nicely written hub. I am surprised to read this that such things are happening in real life.

      You have penned down good tricks and secrets to know that he/she is spaying on you.

      Thanks for sharing :)

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 10 months ago from Wales

      Thank you, Sakina. We all need our privacy. X

    • SakinaNasir53 profile image

      Sakina Nasir 10 months ago from Kuwait

      Great hub once again Bev! :) It's written so neatly. People will find your hub very useful.

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 10 months ago from Wales

      Right on all counts, dashingscorpio. Thanks for your input.

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 10 months ago from Wales

      Thanks so much, Jamal. Appreciated.

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 10 months ago from Wales

      Yes, and it's becoming extremely common, beckerry :(

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 10 months ago

      Under the category of : Reasons Why Your Husband is Spying on You

      I would add: (You changed) in behavior towards him or your habits.

      People often become suspicious when their mate (suddenly) starts or stops doing things. They want to know what motivated the changes.

      Suddenly you're working later more frequently, have a newfound interest in getting fit and spending more time at they gym, there's now a long delay in returning phone calls or replying to text messages...etc.

      Out of the blue there's one night per week dedicated to "Girl's night out" or "Boy's night out" or a "Weekend getaway with the girls/boys..etc"

      Any CHANGES raises suspicion!

      And if your mate dislikes or hates the change snooping on you is more likely.

      Ironically the tips for "Preventing Phone Hacking and Tracking Spyware" usually raise even more suspicion that one's mate is "hiding something". They may notice he/she always turns off their cell phone or never leaves it laying around. The history browser on their laptop is always cleaned out and whenever you walk into a room they either close the laptop or switch to another website page.

      On the one hand everyone loves to hear someone say:

      "I'm a (open book) and have nothing to hide."

      However the reality is everyone wants some measure of privacy in their lives. No one for example wants their mate or spouse opening up their mail. Reading one's email is equivalent to opening up snail mail.

      No one wants another person listening in on a personal conversation even it they're just talking to their mother.

      Stalker behavior either angers people or frightens them. Neither reaction is good for maintaining a healthy relationship.

    • profile image

      Jamal Aidani 10 months ago

      I have published this article on my Facebook page. Such a great article. Keep writing !!

    • beckerry profile image

      Becky 10 months ago from England

      Its terrifying to think that this sort of thing can happen