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Is My Husband Cheating with My Sister?

Updated on August 08, 2009

Who Do Cheating Husbands Cheat With?

The answer may surprise you. Most cheating husbands get involved with someone their wives know. For some reason women give cheating men more credit than they deserve when it comes to choosing someone to cheat with.

One woman, during the course of an interview, said she had told her husband that if he was ever going to cheat on her, he better make sure the "other woman" was smart and beautiful because he would not want to be embarrassed in the court room. He was caught cheating with her sister.

For some reason women prefer to think that if their husband is cheating he had the good taste to find someone better looking. Unfortunately, except for the older man who can't resist the younger women and is willing to pay the price, most men cheat with their wives' best friends, sisters, cousins, or his secretary or an office worker.

Cheating Husbands Are Lazy When It Comes to Looking for Lovers

That's the truth. Most men are lazy when it comes to looking for a lover. That's not to say that he won't pick up a one night stand in the bar or while on a business trip, if he is going to cheat. But, contrary to what so many women believe, the "other woman" is usually someone she knows, and knows well.

These are the cheating relationships that destroy not only marriages, but friendships and families. These are the relationships that are deeply emotionally involved as well as sexually. In fact, most of these cheating relationships begin, not as a sexual fantasy but as a friendship.

Not to defend any of the cheaters, but in most cases the sexual attraction follows after the friendship has been well established. This is not to say that men and women cannot have friends of the opposite sex, without becoming sexually involved. I firmly believe that people of the opposite sex can be friends --- and I'm not talking about friends with benefits.

Are the Husbands Victims, Too?

Oh, please! I am not excusing anyone for bad behavior. Cheating is wrong. Period. But, the husbands can be seduced into a relationship easily by your friends, close family members and co-workers. Think about it for a minute.

Using the example of your best friend, think about what she knows about you. Think of all the times you have confided in her. And, yes! Ladies, we do tell too much sometimes. I know we all need someone to talk to from time to time, especially when we need to let off steam or re-evaluate a situation. But, there is such a thing as TMI (too much information), especially if "she" has an eye on your husband. Of course, most of us have spilled our guts before we realize we having been loading her gun with ammunition to use against us.

Example: Think of a big argument you had with your husband --- about a hunting or fishing trip. Let's say he wanted to sit all weekend in a tree with friends hoping a deer walked by and you had something else planned. A big fight erupts between the two of you. He goes hunting (or fishing or whatever) and you go to your sister's house or your best friend's house. You engage in a little husband bashing. The "other woman" is taking notes (mentally).

If she has had her eye on your man, you have just given her everything she needs to snare him the next time you have an argument.  From interviews with the "other woman" I have learned that they will make themselves available for consoling the "poor husband with the wife who doesn't understand him."  A little consoling, a few drinks, and there you have it, the beginning of a cheater's relationship.

Should You Be Suspicious of Everyone?

The answer is a simple "no." Every friend you have and every female in your family does not want to crawl between the sheets with your husband. But, and this is a big BUT, learn to trust your intuition. Women are not stupid. But, some of us do not want to admit to ourselves that we misjudged a friend, or the husband's secretary with the tortoise shell glass frames and the matronly knot of hair at the nape of her neck. (Those glasses can come off and the hair can fall loose.) And, of course, some men are attracted to the librarian type.

Of course, we should not become suspicious of all our friends and family. But, every woman alive who has ever been in a relationship with a man has had that feeling that another woman was ready to pounce on him. Follow your instincts. Do not ignore the warning signs. You know what they are and you know deep down in your gut who you do not trust around your man.

And, as for the saying that the wife is the last to know, I will quote a previous client. "I wasn't the last to know. I was the last to admit that I knew."

Would you cheat with your wife's or your husband's sister or brother if given the chance?

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Have you ever cheated with an "in-law?"

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Have you ever cheated with your wife or your husband's best friend?

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Have you ever cheated on your spouse with a co-worker?

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    • Mireille G profile image

      Mireille G 7 years ago from Kansas

      Well when I have always had a single rule when I was young and dating, not a married man. Keep it simple it's best.

      As a young married wife, I told my husband, I will never cheat on you. If I think about doing it, I will tell you before I do it so that you can leave if you want. I never could have cheated on him. But women and men are not made the same we all know that.

    • fastfreta profile image

      Alfreta Sailor 7 years ago from Southern California

      Another great hub, eagerly awaiting your next one. At this rate I will never get any writing done.

    • Tammy 6 years ago

      Above is SO VERY TRUE, my husband of 10 years did cheat on me with my little sister , right under my more.

    • Tammy 6 years ago

      This article "Is my husband cheating with my sister" by Jenna Jackson,really explains it perfectly.My little sister Rose started by telling my husband Sam that she is still a virgin at the age of 25 (Sam then told Rose that I broke my virginity before i married him) anyways the virginity story is what brought them closer together, my husband then decided to be my little sister's first lover( Insane ) They were involved for 5 years yet i married him for 10 years,what's weird is Rose was infact the one sister i really loved and now i hate her so much my husband too, i get sick in my stomach by only imagining it "My husband having sex with my little sister in MY bedroom"

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 6 years ago from South Africa

      Very interesting read, thanks. Voted, but won't say what!

      Love and peace


    • JennaJackson profile image

      JennaJackson 6 years ago


      Thanks for voting....

      and Love and Peace to you, too.



    • Tammy 6 years ago on my sad story above, my husband Sam told me today that he's actually been sleeping with my little sister Rose since 2005, last time they were together was in 2009 april again in my house, what bothers me the most is that my last born baby Nakita, was infact conceived in April 2009, imagine that, around the same time he was busy banging my sister it was the same time we conceived our daughter. I cant help but feel anger and disgust towards the both of them, i don't even know what TO DO. 2010 was supposed to be a great year for us. New baby to enjoy and raise well like a family should, but i guess it's going to be MY DIVORCE YEAR my lesson from all of this is " LOVE THEM ALL BUT TRUST NO ONE " my very own .husband and my sister could have killed me so that they can be together. they are both great pretenders, they really played me right under my nose and i did not suspect a thing. . . Wow just when you think you know someone.

    • Stupidwifesister 6 years ago

      What do you do after the affair ends??? Do you forgive? What if you have children?

    • JennaJackson profile image

      JennaJackson 6 years ago


      I have been on holiday and just returned. Sorry it took so long to approve and reply to your comment.

      First of all, what you do is a matter of personal choice. I have learned that no one can or should tell you what to do, if you are asking about continuing the marriage. We all have different responses. Much depends on our inner selves. But, back to that in a minute.

      To answer the question about forgiveness... YES! It may take time, but forgive all who were involved. The burden of carrying ill will is far worse on you than on those who cheated. If the affair only recently ended, you may be struggling between feelings of hurt and hate. The hurt will subside in time and hopefully you will come back stronger than ever.

      The other feelings are directly within your control. Forgiveness takes work. But, think about it for a minute. Forgiveness is a way of letting it go. As long as you carry it with you, you are taking away from who you are. You are reacting to the actions of others. As such, they still have control of you and your feelings.

      It will take time and you will go through a series of emotions. But, work everyday to find forgiveness. That said, I am not one to suggest that you forgive and forget! This may sound like a contradiction, but it isn't. You can forgive those who hurt you, but in my opinion.... and it is an opinion... to forget means that you have learned nothing from the experience. You can put the lesson on the shelf or in a corner, but to forget seems to indicate that you can just erase the memory. That isn't possible. So practice learning forgiveness, but do not close your eyes on a hard lesson learned.

      Children? That's a hard one. Having seen many marriages that have ended in divorce, I can tell you that much depends on how it is handled. That goes back to forgiveness.

      Whether you and your husband divorce or not, you must remember that he is the father of your children. You should never, ever, never say anything against your husband in front of the children or use the children as a pawn in the negotiations.

      I have seen husbands and wives going through a separation or a divorce.. constantly telling the children that "daddy cheated on mama" and that "daddy is a bad man" or whatever. Your feelings about your husband are your own. Own them and take control of them. Do not pass them on to the children. You will only be hurting them and sooner or later, they will figure it out.

      Think about this for a moment. If someone said something about your father, how would you feel? Chances are you are much like the rest of us. You can say whatever you want about your dad when you are mad at him, but if anyone else says anything detrimental it hurts you and you will defend him. Your kids will do the same. So, pass on the blame game. You and your husband, together or separate, have a responsibility to your children. They did not ask to be born. They have two parents whom they love very much. It is unfair to them for one parent to take the other parent away from them.

      All that said, you have a double whammy if your husband cheated with your sister. You have two people to forgive. It is up to you to decide if you can rebuild the trust with both of them. If not, bite the bullet now and move on. If you can make amends --- and if you want to --- begin today. Otherwise, do not get caught in the state of limbo where you do nothing but hang in for more hurt. Life is too short to spend it in misery.

      Best of luck to you. You will make the right decisions, but please remember that your children will always love their father, whether you do or not.


    • Rae 6 years ago

      The very same thing happened to me. I felt that my story is the same but of course different in many ways. My xhusband was psychotic and was cheating in all directions, lord knows how many times he cheated. Since he was cheating he automatically thought I was doing the very same thing. Which was wrong. Through out I noticed, looking back in hindsight, we were growing apart and I just couldn't figure out why? Maybe it was the infidelity and psychoticness that he seaped. Hence, the reason i couldn't figure it out? I literally had a nervous break down and didn't know it. I just knew I wasn't happy. My husband insinuated that I was having an affair, there was a man stalking me for three years but nothing ever did happen. My husband saw this lurring man and assumed I was cheating. We were both quietly aware of this attraction. I confided in my sister about this stalker and admitted it was alluring but I never budged bc I held close to my marriage. Over time, I seperated from my husband for my own happiness, and not considering the other man. In this time, he confided in my sister and she happily told him our discussions. From there my sister and him had started their sexual relationship, she got pregnant and lost the baby. Over a period of several years I never knew about this affair, possibly three years? ( i didn't find out these things until after i officially left the marriage) Over time, we decided to work on our relationship for the kids sake. Within a year n a half later I left the relationship, found out about a mistress in his law program. He had intentions of running off with her after they completed law school. After I left I found out about so many black sins that he had done. It was incredible how I got out in one piece with all five of my children. He never finished law school. He is now under federal investigation for RAPE, vehicular homicide AND attempted MURDER. Im one lucky lady. I choose to have my children away from this crazy person all he amounts to is a sperm donor. No heart, black black heart..My children are better off without this person in their lives. God sees all and will punish those who have dished out themselves. Right will win, Wrong will lose. As for forgiveness, I wont forgive my sisters until I have seen their punishment. Thats just where im at with everything. My sister will not talk to me, she owns her guilt. Forgive her so she can walk all over me and my children again?? She wont be allowed and she knows it. Must be a bit** to be her. She has to go to sleep with herself at nite. And walk around all day with what she has done, theres no escaping what she has done.

    • Linda 6 years ago

      I have a big feeling that my husband and one of my so called friend are or were having an affair. When I arrived from work she was already there at my house with my husband. My mother told me that she once saw my friend caressing my husband's arm. One time my friend bit on a food and then gave it to my husband in his mouth. She also asked me to let her live in my house because she was leaving her husband for the second time. She constantly followed my husband everywhere he went. To the kitchen then to the living room and to the back yard. She also announced that I was no longer a woman because I don't have a uterus anymore. She also showed my husband a postcard she brought from her vacation with 3 naked women and I said my breast are bigger than all three put together. I should of confronted her years ago and argued about her behaviors and was wondering if I should ask if she had an affair with my husband.

    • Grace 6 years ago

      I suspect my husband and my sis cheated too. Not now but a few years ago. Now again I only saw suspicious behavior on both but still my so called 6th sense is so very good at this like u said trust ur intuition and it tells me it did happen. I wake up in the middle of the nite thinking about this... I dream about it.. What can I do to know if this really happened I confronted him and he firmly denied it and said I was been mean to my sis thinking that about her.. Should I just confront her???

    • Grace 6 years ago

      Oh how could I forget to mention I caught him cheatin on me with a 16 yr old hes 33 im 29 and god knows how many other times hes done it. We separated last month and I decided to come back for christmast I just thought it would be unffair for the kids but I cant forgive or forget any of this should I let him go ... Should I just leave again?? What should I do??? Can somebody please help me???

    • Sue 5 years ago

      I just found out two weeks ago that my husband has been cheating on me with my sister. My sister and I have always been very close, but she has told him that we were never close. He says the same. We just had our 18 year wedding anniversay, and even on our celebration he was leaving our room to go text my sister, telling her he wished she was there instead. I don't know what to do. He tells me that he has been attracted to her for fifteen years and she to him for 20 years. He tells me now that he really loves me and wants our marriage to work for the kids sake. What do I do? Please help me.

    • sheena 5 years ago

      My SIS believes I f**ked her husband. I never did I would do something like that. I was stayin with them i just turned 18. He took avenge of me. He took my v card its been 5 years. And she and everyone else thinks I did. I can't even kiss or have sex with my husband. He can't even hug me to long. I'm so lost I don't no what to do. Never told anyone the truth but my husband. It's killing me.

    • Tammy 5 years ago


      Jenna is right, what i noticed was because i did not want to forgive my sister and my husband i carried this anger with me and the result of this are not very good.

      1- I got depressed, cos i cried a lot over this, which lead to heart problems.

      2-My High Blood Pressure hit the roof 180/100, Doctors put me on treatment immidiately.

      3-Had to go for therapy to treat the anger and hate towards my hubby and sis.

      4- Had to learn to Forgive them for the sake of my health.

      5-If i don't drink medication to treat HBP and go back to worrying about this affair i will suffer a heart attack and literraly DIE.

      Reason i am sharing this with you is-



      Must go now and drink my pills cos i feel the heart rate is increasing and BP rising as well...


    • confused 5 years ago

      I'm sort of swinging the opposite way, my husband of 7 years cheated on me, with his brother's girlfriend's sister. I knew he did it but he denied it. I was 7 months pregnant with our last child and went and got my blood test back only to find out that all of a sudden I had an STD. I could have killed him and yet he still denied it, even so far as to say that it was ME who cheated. It took him 3 months of me not talking to him and kicking him out for him to admit that he cheated. Then to make matters worse he goes into detail about what happened and I'm like Hello I don't want to know this. We were seperated a total of 6 months before he begged me to come back. I told him he he hurt me too bad and that I could never feel the same way for him as I had before and he said that he wanted to atleast give it a shot so I did.

      I figured I owed him that much, but honestly those 6 months were the happiest 6 months of my life. I didn't have to clean up after him or worry about him. it was just me and my kids and it was gravy. I liked being on my own and the attention I got. It has been almost 2 years now since we got back together and I'm right back where I started again. While he has kept his word and not cheated on me, I now find myself thinking of other people!

      i don't want to cheat on him and probably wont because I know how much that hurts, but I like the attention other people, his friends, my friends, give to me. I mean I just don't know what to think when your own husband doesn't kiss you while having sex, because his teeth hurt he says, or even worse over the past 2 months he has started covering his face, or my face while having sex, or even just trying to do it while i am asleep. I feel really unappreciated with him. Maybe I just have low self esteem but it makes me feel good for people to show me attention.

      His best friend made a move on me a few months ago when we all went to a bar. My husband passed out and he was just talking to me and it went a little far, how he always liked me from school and everything. Then when I was driving home he started feeling me up from the backseat! I just tried to wake my husband up and he stopped, but he called the next day and I just made a joke about it that he must have been really drunk and he said no I wasn't and I was just calling to make sure I stayed on your mind. I told him that nothing would happen between us because I am his best friends wife and he is my husband's best friend and I couldn't do that to him, and that was that.

      Then recently my car broke down and he just happened to be the only person I could get in touch with. I guess me needing him sort of lit the fire again or something he has been texting me and sadly I started talking to him. I told him I wouldn't cheat on my husband but I do like the attention he gives me even though we have never done anything, but honestly he always gave me that attention and we never did anything ever anyways.

      So really I'm at the point where I know I am not happy with how my marriage is, I have tried to talk to him about it, its still the same, but I can't cheat on my husband and I can't break his heart leaving him.

      What is going on?

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    • Jacko309 4 years ago

      Hey guys need your thoughts on this. My sons mother and I broke up 15yrs ago we r stil mates .we still have BBQs ect.she has a sister who is in a relationship and they exspecting there first child soon. I'm mates with the sisters husband as well. Lately I hav noticed changes in my x and her sisters husband. I've been watching there body language and all that. And my x has been spending more time at her sisters wen she is not there my gut told me some thing was going on. Then I found out my x offered 2 pick up her sisTers husband after work.later though the grape vine that on I heard that the car played up on the way home. I asked her straight out if she was playing up with him of course she no. Then I lied and said that my brother and i saw them that afternoon wen she picked him up after work and I no wats going on and that I was going 2 tell her sister.she has never denied it or admitted 2 any thing all she does is ignore my questions and tells me 2 get out of her life . What do u guys think

    • pat 3 years ago

      I have been in this realionship for 30 years on and off. our children are grown now. what always broke us up, was the cheating. but this last run of 10 years when we both had no bad habits to blame, he choose to do it twice. with my sister ex boyfriend, ..girlfriend. I caught him at her house after he told me he was going fishing and wont be home that night. its true about your gut feeling I woke up at 4am and told myself are you ready to confront what you already know.sure enough there he was. I banged on the door and made myself known. confirmed then I went to work at 6am. had a crap day. well once again we worked it out. now on this second time he employed my sister I was happy that we could help out. they would make plans to go drinking and invite me. but they wouldn't wait on me told me to always met them there. sometimes I did,but I work early morning hours. so it wasn't often. I told them one day I was kinda getting jealous of them hanging out so much. I wasn't acusing them. one weekend he took the travel trailer to the lake to camp, I arrive he was good and drunk and said ya ive been fucking your sister. I was in shock. then my sister pulls up right in time. she denied it and said he was offering her money to. needless to say I called every family member and exposed them. we split again. well we get back together for my daughter wedding,he had a good job and at this point all I see is dollar signs. I am the one in debit everything was in my name. at this point I set the betrayal on the back burner.when I were to bring it up he would I thought we were moving on and putting this behind us. well the more I thought about it I realized bad sister,friend,anut. bad husband,frind,father. the damage is big for their selfish act. they still want me to dismiss their actions I forgave before I really knew. that's the love I hold for them. in their minds they want to hang around me. I asked why. I don't hang around people like that. then I asked myself you allowed him to repeat the cycle and keep taking him back. but this time it was with intent on both parties. there is a world of people to choose from but they wanted to steal it from me. this is what their capable of doing to the that loved and trusted them with l all my heart. all I know now who are these people. because my sister would not do this to me. it makes me wonder about 20 years ago when we were split up I went to her apartment and she said he just left. I asked her not to party with him because he wasn't paying his child support. thought nothing of it. now I wonder if it was going on then. I love him enough to put up with it. now children are grown I don't care about my debit . God has my back I wont put all these years on him because I didn't set the boundries for myself . I had plenty of times of getting out but I didn't I choose to believe the lies. if their drinkers you cant compete with the booze and the women. I am going to get mentally healthy and school and prepare myself for the right partner. I know this wont happen over night there is work to be done. first my debit then love. good luck on being brave enough to make it sooner then later. guard yourself . your worth it. don't let them steal it

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