3 Mistakes Women Make When Men Cheat

Updated on December 13, 2016

Cheaters Cheat — End of Story

When your man cheats, it feels like your entire universe is crumbling around you. Most women dealing with a cheating husband or boyfriend start thinking of ways to fix the situation. We wonder what we've done to drive him to the arms of another woman. We struggle to think of ways to bring him back.


Cheaters cheat. That's it. Cheating is not about boredom or dissatisfaction. Cheating is the result of a psychological flaw that allows men or women to rationalize cheating and breaking vows. Affairs are not normal, healthy reactions to uncommon relationship struggles. Rather, they are unhealthy reactions to trials and tribulations that are common to most relationships from time to time.

Don't torture or embarrass yourself making the same mistakes millions of women make when they know their man is cheating. Save your self-respect, dignity, and time by cutting your losses and freeing yourself for a better relationship with a more functional man.


Mistake #1 — The Investigation

When women suspect their man is cheating, the first mistake they make is launching a fact-finding mission. Spying, calling around, and interrogating their partners, women invest their energy in a senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious: the relationship is seriously broken.

You don't need proof that your man is cheating to know that something isn't working between the two of you. Whether he's actually cheating or you're just seriously paranoid, evidence isn't required to know something has to change. Driving yourself mad trying to catch him in the act of cheating won't deliver the peace of mind you are looking for. It will only make you look and feel crazy.


Mistake #2 — Blaming the Other Woman

Yeah, she's got to be pure evil to steal another woman's man, but that's really not the point. She's not the one who committed to you and promised to be true to you, and then cheated on you. More importantly, if it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

People cheat because they are cheaters. When a man cheats it's not because he was innocently seduced by another woman's wicked charms. It's not because she offered something you didn't. It's not because she's better than you. Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.

Let go of your anger towards the other woman. It's misguided. Focus instead on the fact that the partner you were in a relationship with violated his commitment to monogamy. If it wasn't her, he'd have found someone else. Even if she leaves the picture, there are millions of women in the world for him to cheat with.


Mistake #3 — Changing to Keep Him

First of all, if your man is cheating, the last thing you want is to keep him around. Cheating is a pattern of behavior that won't stop no matter how many promises he makes or how many changes you make to keep his attention. If he has cheated on you, it's time to move on. Cheaters cheat . . . and cheat . . . and cheat.

Second, you didn't drive him to cheat. If your man is cheating, it's not a reflection of your worth, but an indication that he is incapable of handling the responsibility of maintaining a relationship. He is lacking mature adult coping skills. The problem is his, NOT YOURS.

Because you didn't cause your man to cheat, you can't stop it either. There is nothing you can change in yourself to make a cheater be loyal. Stop thinking that if you were thinner, prettier, wilder in bed, or more exciting he would be faithful. If your man is cheating, he's not thinking about you one way or another.


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      Shanni Meek 2 days ago

      First, I don't care what article says about factfinding. DO IT!! Youll have less reason to doubt facts when he attempts to deny his actions and call you paranoid. It will also galvanize your determination to expect better than that. (2) DO CHANGE SOME THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF. BUT ONLY THINGS YOU WANTED TO CHANGE FOR YOU. Work on your self confidence and self esteem. You'll be so irresistible he'll hate himself for being stupid and the skanks for being substandard holes. (3)Don't wonder if youre not thin enough or pretty enough. Wonder about your sanity when you probably knew deep inside you could do much much better all along. And despise him for classifying you in the same SPECIES as the canines in heat he and the grunters so clearly represent. (4) Be THANKFUL to know before he drags your self worth down to their level.

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      lily 5 weeks ago

      Here are my 5 basic RULES for a guy that I want to be with.

      Rule 1. Don't Kill,

      Rule 2. Don't steal.

      Rule 3. Don't cheat.

      Rule 4. Don't lie.

      Rule 5. Don't use drug, smoke, or abuse alcohol.

      I don't date guy that like to hunt or kill animal. Don't get too greedy and have legal jobs. Don't date guy that cheat, such as married guy, guy that flirt and have many girls talk.

      Guy that lie

      Guy who smoke, or drink too much alcohol or gamble.

      Of course I take time....a lot of times to understand or get to know about the guy before anything else. I have to check his background, his family, his education, and it takes time to get to know a person. With time I can sense and have feeling or "smell" if he is a nice, honest guy. If he is generous, he is genuine,

      My first boyfriend is totally in love with me and he won't let me go after several years of dating - he wanted to marry me but I said NO and then he still waited for me. I got introduced to a new man and I told him I am dating a new man. He then accepted the fact and moved on to get married and have a family with someone new. Good for him. He is a good man, 100 % being faithful to me when we were a couple.

      My new boyfriend of 17 years also 100% being faithful to me. I am a very confident woman, I know how to make my man happy and I am 100% know he is loyal to me. If he ever cheated on me I would say GOODBYE and no regret. I would not give a second chance. It just that simple for me. NO EXCUSES. Although, I know he is totally loyal to me and I am to him.

      I feel very sorry for the women or men that have their partner cheated on them.

      My sister dated a guy he has a way with the ladies, but she married him and he cheated on her during their marriage. She cried and asked me for advice. I advised her to leave him for good, but she is too weak to do that and decided to stay and then she got one kid and second kid and of course he still cheated on her. He has a mistress of 10 years and still with her. My sister told me and she said she stays for the kids. They don't really have sex, they live like a companionship. For the kids, for reputation as a family. She told me not to tell anyone about he has a mistress.

      I am sorry Cindy Swartz for you to find out about your bf of 16 years cheated on you. Now that you know, he is a cheater and nothing can change about the past. I don't know what are you going to do?

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      Megian 2 months ago

      You should be careful

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      Cindy Swartz 2 months ago

      My world fell apart this week. My boyfriend of 16 years had been cheating with his employee. He owns his own business and its just them two. I found out quit innocently he left his computer open and I was looking for any recent pictures of our kids he may have loaded and I found naked pictures of them together and other naked woman. He cheated on me 11 years ago when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter and I forgave him and he was so sorry for what he had done and we moved on. Now its seems its is true once a cheat always a cheat I have just lived in denial of his ways. My world is crumbling at the moment but I know I have to be strong for my kids.

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      Rose Harold 2 months ago

      He seems like the perfect guy during the first month we started dating, treated me like he was never gonna cheated on me, promised to be always there whenever i needed him. I thought i have found my Dreamed Husband until 3 months after we started dating, He ignores my call, replies my text late without a good reason on why. Then i noticed he has changed his phone password and his always glue to his phone and sometimes smiles whenever he's chatting on his phone. This was when i know i had to do something to be sure of our future, then i was referred to COMPUTER.SURGEON (at) OUTLOOK. COM, He helped in providing all the text messages and chats of 3months between my guy and his newly found mistress turns out they are planning to move in together. This was when i realize i need to end the toxic relationship before it gets the best of me....Thanks to COMPUTER.SURGEON (at) OUTLOOK. COM, Feel free to contact him and tell him i referred you

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      anna 2 months ago

      Why if married guy can't leave u alone. U move to new place he is after u ..ask neighbours..why I he tell u can't leave u alone .. should I call police tell wife .. my boss left his wife for mistress .. wife was materialistic money money wanted exclusive life style .. after divorce daughter had no contact with biological mother for 10 years ..after fathers death Fist wife wanted money money .

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      peterson atkinson 2 months ago

      Most women who think their man is having an affair will immediately ask to see their phone to scroll through texts and incoming/outgoing calls. Do not get fooled if he lets you to check his phone.A friend of mine was also in the same situation so I advised her to contact cyberwebkey484 at gmail dot com, cell phone monitoring that helps you to track every record of the target phone. After contacting this hacker she found that her partner was cheating on her. So she left him. In my opinion you can also use this hack pro.

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      Martin 2 months ago

      Flaws with this post:

      1. You should absolutely investigate what is going on. After all it does concern your life and you should have been informed. Although you were not and this post wants you to stay in the dark. Stupid idea.

      2. Other woman is not to blame? Another dumb idea of this post. Well did not she know that he was in a relationship? 99 % of the time she does and still pursues him. It does not matter to her. The predatory woman. Woman with very little comprehension and no intelligence.

      3. He cheats once, dump him. You will save yourself lots of heartache. But do it in a smart way. It means that you may not need to have dump him the minute you found out he cheated. If money is at stake, prepare yourself. Have plan, save money, talk to attorneys, many consultations are free so talk to 2-5 people to get perspective. Take your time. And in a meantime be nice to the cheater, DO NOT reveal you will leave. It will be the ultimate FUCK you when you do it the smart way And boy, those horny little American dicks will want you back soooo badly!

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      aleina 2 months ago

      Ha! The first thing is to know that it's not you that caused the cheating. I just left my scumbag of a boyfriend.

      I am an intelligent woman and he doesn't seem to realise that he is the total opposite. I recognise behaviour patterns, particularly with social media use.

      Call me crazy, but it seems I had good reason to 'stalk' his online activity.

      There was a period we broke up due to his constant nagging at me for his insecurities. This is when I started noticing his behaviour. He moved from a different country for me and all of a sudden all these girls were being added from local areas (the way this social media platform worked, you couldn't just *find* people in the area), he'd like several of their pictures straight off (yeah weird) so I worked out that he'd found them on a dating app and these girls that he was adding had their other account linked to it, so he could access and add them. This behaviour stopped when we got back together. 2 weeks ago he went back home to visit, and I noticed the same thing happen friday night. A girl got added, 7 of her photos got 'liked' and then he tells me he's going out on a friday night, alone. *alarm bells*. So I check out her account and she's posted some live videos. She's on her way to a bar and at the end of the video she arrives and I see what looks remarkably like my boyfriend stood outside, alone, waiting. Ok, could be anyone, whatever. Later on in the night she records another live video, she's alone. (At this point I had called him to ask how his night was and if he'd managed to meet up with any friends, he tells me he's still alone) anyway, at the end of her video THERE HE IS WITH HER. He arrives back from what I presume is the phone call with me. That's proof enough. If she was a friend, why would he lie about being alone still?

      So I broke the unwritten law. I messaged her the next day asking why she was with him and did she know he had a girlfriend? The answer was 'don't worry, we aren't in a relationship.' This was weird but anyway I let it go. Next day, she messaged me asking if it was normal for him to get angry if he was refused sex. WELL I heard enough. She told me everything, he'd met her on the dating app, told her he was single etc. I've heard enough. I presented him with the evidence and he still denied it. How can he deny it when the evidence I have is as good as me damn well being there?! I didn't need to hear any more. Done.

      It wasn't that our relationship was unfulfilling, our sex life was incredible, and I am definitely far betting looking, intelligent and witty than he deserves. Beats me why men jeopardise a future when they have the entire package already. Oh well, on to bigger and better things! Have fun being a little guttersnipe, you rat. :)

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      peterson atkinson 2 months ago

      Hello here, i just had a major breakthrough in getting evidence of my ex’s immoralty, my ex wife tried to stick our relationship issues to me meanwhile she was cheating, i hired the service of cyberwebkey484 at gmail dot com to help me get evidence of her cheating after she started acting up, cyberwebkey484 at gmail dot come helped me see all her emails, whatsapp conversations, snap chat and evn her call logs, best part is that I didn’t need physical contact with her phone. i’m sure he can do the same or more if you require his service

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      Jibaro 2 months ago

      To anonymous:

      Usually a partner will let you know his or her needs. However, the other side will dismiss it and will continue as if everything is fine.

      The alternative? Look someplace else!

      Usually the one who cries foul is the obe that commits the foul first.

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      lorna 2 months ago

      i am have a problem, my boyfriend cheating on me for the first time and i felt my world is falling a part he cry and beg for my forgiveness, this happen this week on Tuesday, however in the heat of emotions we ended up having sex and now i feel so bad what should i do.

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      wow.. 2 months ago

      yes people cheat; and while it is wrong, there are sometimes a major factor involved: The relationship is broken. Sex is either not happening or hardly happening, even when one tries to get it going... communications is broken, all you do is bicker.. you want to feel 'alive' again. I had a FWB when this stuff in my relationship was going on - i felt guilty at first but it made me realize I am a strong person; and my spouse and I talked and we realized we are better divorced. You can't save a marriage that is already 98% broken. When that happens, time to divorce because chances your partner/ spouse is unhappy as well.

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      A nony mouse 3 months ago

      O the spellcaster strikes again. Never mind casting a spell to get their guys back, I think half of these women should be casting spells to turn their cheating partner's manhoods gangrenous, so that they drop off. Sad to say, this is the only way that some guys will stay faithful.

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      Anonymous 3 months ago

      Hi Jibaru,

      Cheating is never good, and there is no good reason to cheat. If your partner has not given you something you need, tell your partner about it. Do not cheat.

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      A nony mouse 3 months ago

      Dear Anonymous,

      sorry to say that your guy is the sort of person that thinks when you forgive him this means that you are a walk over. Part of being sorry or remorseful is being contrite enough not to repeat the behaviour that has caused offence in the first place. If he was truly sorry, he would not repeat this behaviour. If he truly loved you, he would not want to hurt you in this way. Your husband does not value your 20 year marriage or he simply would not behave this way. If he does not value your relationship, why should you? You also have a right to be happy and secure in your relationship. This is not happening with this guy, nor will it happen, because he is happily getting away with his affairs.

      Record what material evidence that you can, it may be useful to prove either to a court 'just reason' or to your children that you are not the villain of the piece. Frankly, I would go lead my own life and have my own affairs and have some satisfaction and excitement in my own life. Your husband is investing time, money and emotions away from your relationship, why should you be the one that is miserable?

      Good luck

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      Annette 3 months ago

      I do agree with this after giving him another change after the first woman he cheated with for a year. But then found out he has been 'giving attention'(his words) to many, many other women, but says he 'loves me'. Always says, when found out, that he is a changed man now(always the same statement!). I told him that he is simply a cheater and I have ended it with him. His problem...not mine anymore.:)

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      anonymous 3 months ago

      dear friends i need an advice..

      my man cheated on me 4 years ago and later when i got to know about it i confornted him .things settled between us when i trusted him back and everything went normal again .in this time i was talking to a man who liked me but i always rejected him saying that you're like a friend to me .but recently ive found out that my husband is again cheating on me .and now ive made up my mind to ask for a divorce but my husband wants me back .and taking a divorce for me is not easy as we had a 20years relation and 3 children .what do i do

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      A nony mouse 3 months ago

      Forgot to add a comment about blaming the other woman. No, I do not blame the other woman.She did me a favour, I am now free to have the sort of relationships that I want. I would also concur that there may well be people who are simply wired to cheat. In couples counselling, my ex claimed not to want our son. (not what he said when we were making him!) However, his mistress had 2 children and wife number 2 had 4 children (neither lot his), not that either relationship has worked out for him. You would have thought, that if he genuinely did not want children and that was the reason for his affair that he would not entertain relationships with women who already had children. I do not want to be cheated on again, so I do not entertain monogamous relationships, that way I do not invest so much in relationships and I am not so easily hurt. Common sense really.

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      A nony mouse 3 months ago

      What most people on here fail to realize is that people are fallible, both men and women. Cheating is not a particularly healthy way of dealing with relationship problems, chiefly because it is very easy to idealize someone we are not with 24/7. Real life is full of tiresome responsibilities, paying the mortgage, going to work fixing the car, doing the housework, paying bills etc, which do not tend to feature in affairs. Affairs are like holidays, not real life. Having an affair takes time and money away from dealing with the root of the problems, which is what is really needed.

      Some people do change after being caught having an affair, but I suspect that most do not. I would disagree on monitoring your partner, it is is a fair way to confirm your suspicions and secondly, in the UK under the matrimonial causes act, adultery is a just reason for divorce, but has to be demonstrated. Personally, having been in this position and my ex-husband went with me to couples counselling just to string me along. Whilest I was making every effort and giving him the space he wanted, he was online to his mistress, signed himself upto match.com and was happily misbehaving, blissfully unaware that it was being recorded.

      I told him that I knew of his behaviour and that I wanted him to go, but he stuck around, so I told him that as he was not monogamous that I would not be investing so much in our relationship in the future. And I did not. He soon left when 3 course meals, sex on tap and wife in slinky lingerie dried up. He went after the mistress, but things did not work out with her either. Came back and begged and I refused to take him back, he had had his chance to be faithful and been forgiven once for his infidelity, I was not about to repeat the mistake.

      He tried to run me over for starting divorce procedures, but I divorced him never the less.

      The police contacted my parents in December 2015, worried about my safety. After establishing that I was OK, I was asked to contact another police force with regard to my ex. When I did so they told me that he had remarried and he had attacked his new family. They had arrested, charged and bailed him. Later, new evidence came to light and he was remanded into prison. Unfortunately, the new wife withdrew her statements and the Crown Prosecution dropped the case.

      I do think that people need to be more realistic about relationships and both parties need to work hard to maintain them, as they are the responsibility of both parties involved. Jibaro sad to say you come across as extraordinarily misogynistic. If I was in Elaine's shoes after forgiving him the first time, I would be holding the door open for him to go hoping that he took the hint, but if he did not take that hint, I would hope that a lack of attention in the bedroom would work, but in the event of that not working time to find a lover.

      Why should a woman continue to invest in a relationship where the guy is cheating, unless it is an open relationship and she is able to do the same. Frankly, I have personally been through so much, I no longer look for monogamous relationships and think that polyamory is a much more honest way of being, it is a lot less hassle to as I do not invest so much in those relationships.

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      Taylor 3 months ago

      I support all the mistakes woman make 100%

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      Jibaro 3 months ago


      Righ away after you checked my phone you would have been gone baby. Gone!

      No ifs, buts, or thens or sos. You are gone. There are a lot more women than men. The probability of getti ng a new one are way high. Specially if you make a good living. For you it is way harder to land a wimp that will tolerate you. Such is life!

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      Elaine 3 months ago

      I was with a guy for 2years and I found messages in his phone that he has been sleeping around.. also with a girl he claimed was his “best friend” they’d go out to lunch together because hey they’re childhood “best friends” right.? I forgave him the first time.. He cried so much, I cried too. It was soo convincing that he was gon be a changed man. Guess what.. homeboy cheated on me again

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      Jibaro 3 months ago

      Lia, you have an ideal view of what a man should be. If I do not fit your ideal view, you denounce me as not truely being a man - somebody that is not worthy of calling a man.

      Fine, that is your point of view because you do not have the honesty of looking for your faults first and fix them. Yes when you point as the "cheater" remember that you have 3 fingers poubting at you.

      Every action or non action has a response. Usually the victim is not really the victim. A woman that neglect her marriage is no victim and that is the reality of most cases.

      But I know that you will not accept that neglecting your marital resposibilities is another way of cheating. Also, you will not acept the human nature because the wife happiness is what matters and the husband happiness does not need to exist.

      So I think that no matter whatever science tells us you will not accept it becausr it is not what you want.

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      Wheeler Jobs 3 months ago from New York

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      Lia 4 months ago

      Jbaro! Man who cheat, will always cheat! Even when a relationship is perfect. Your view of blaming the women because she needs to reflect and find what flaws she has that led to her man cheating are completely wrong, and can only come from a man himself trying to excuse his actions. If there is a problem with a relationship then there should be communication and couples should be opened to trying to fix whatever the problem is. That is no excuse to go off cheating! A man should at least give his women the respect she deserves and if he has the need to be with another then he should break up with her. But no! It’s easy to have someone safe to always go back to while you stick your dick in another place. There is no excuse for cheating! It is just wrong and a man should be man enough to take responsibility and learn how to control themselves and their thirst for sex. Women should never feel guilty! If you are lacking something then he should had told you before going off and doing things behind your back!

      no ! There is no excuse for cheating , first reflect on yourself before blaming your partner . There are other things more important in a relationship than sex.

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      CHELLE 4 months ago

      With no due respect to my spouse, I need to vent, entirely on the fact that In the 20 yrs that we’ve been together I’ve always found little reasons and findings that’s led me to believe he was no good or trying to cheat! However, I’ve found out more about him in the last 3 yrs of being with him than I’d thought I’d ever want to claim knowing! In the past 3 yrs, I’ve found evidence on his very own cell phone that he personally was looking up escorts in our area. On occasion has had a couple stray texts in his phone with whom had no names saved as a contact, and to think everytime I’d confront him on it, I’d never get the answer I was hoping for, at least an admission of guilt or remorse...NOTHING! He’d say he was sorry after planting the blame on myself for looking in his phone, claiming I was looking for a reason to fuck around on him and blah blah blah, whatever the fuck their excuse is for why on earth they were caught. At the end of the day I know it’s nothing I’m doing wrong, I’m VERY ATTRACTIVE and I know I deserve better and In fact he’s only been spared because we share 3 kids together!!! !!! !!!! If it weren’t for that, he’d be expecting a damn escort to pay his ass for sex PERIOD POINT BLANK!!! There are numerous and countless things he’s done to me that has me in my feelings for wanting to pour some HOT BOILING WATER on his black ass right now as we speak! But you know what’s stopping me??! The act of god and his voice within me at this very moment is what’s stopping me! In my heart, he deserves the worse, but in my heart the worse he could get is to lose me to a much better man than he is and will ever be...and that is the voice I here in my head at this very moment!!! I wanted YOU...THE WORLD to know this! Thank you all for your time and reading my hurts and truths in written form!

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      Sue 4 months ago

      I just recently found out that my husband cheated again and he just expects me to pretend that nothing has happened he did the same the first time...and I thought that we could work things out but once a cheater always a cheater... I know for sure that I have to leave ... I cant stand being around him at all

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      Kim 4 months ago

      A guy might make a mistake one time. And regret it. After that it’s no mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater

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      rosa 4 months ago

      My partner of 4 years cheat for one year

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      Stacey 4 months ago

      My partner of twenty years has cheated on and off throughout the entire relationship. And I’m pretty sure I don’t know the half of it. It’s true if your gut says they’re cheating, they are.

      All the chances I’ve given him to change for me and our children have all been thrown back in my face. I’m sick of chasing him and begging him to change. I did the worse thing and kept everything to myself. I told nobody as I was so ashamed. It’s taken it’s toll on me and I’m so thin and unhealthy looking.

      Finally last week I opened up to my mother and sister in law as he has obviously been at it again, he’s been home maybe twice in two weeks. It has been a huge relief. They are so supportive and they truly love me and have gone out of their way to help. My mother has offered my children and I to move in with her till we get back on our feet. She has enough room for the three of us. I’m finally leaving the dirt bag.

      Maybe if your partner cheats the once and is truly sorry things could work. But, if like me, they continue to cheat, are blame you rather than themselves then PLEASE get out now. Do not waste twenty years of your life like I did on a selfish, self absorbed pig. They will not change, why would they when they can keep getting away with it. And please talk to someone you trust, family or close friend. There is help out there, just wish I’d asked for it sooner.

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      MJ 4 months ago

      What should I do when I found out that my husband cheated on me for 4years? We been married for 15 years and had 4 kids. He is asking for a second chance just to save our marriage. Is that a good enough to accept him?

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      4 months ago


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      Jibaro 5 months ago

      I have one single advice, go and do some research about Sociology and Biology! Maybe then you will be able to understand the natural mechanisms that are involved. Also if your other half have gone astray, male or female, please take a hard look on you and your home and see what it lacks that it is been served someplace else! Usually 99% of the time the real guilty party is the one crying foul! Every action is a reaction to something! As all humans if there is a lack or a necessity, the natural course is to cover it!

      If people do not find there erroneous behaviors and correct them there is no healing and after they divorce Larry or Marjorie, they will marry another Larry or another Marjorie. So please love yourself and be honest to yoursel; take a hard look on you a see what is wrong with you. Even better, ask the other party, where did I failed? It might be hurtful but will heal you and you will be able to move on under your own terms.

      We are not perfect, we grow in different ways and some grow too fasto while other too slow. Let's recognize our failures and correct them. Then we can move on and maybe be happier with your new, better and enhanced you. Whoever is at your side is your decision and not anyone else's decision. Maybe letting the other side have a lover or going poly is the answer to some and not to some. Let's respect people life and stop hating others for our own doing.

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      sap 5 months ago

      how can we grow up.....we feel bad to whom we love...they're cheating us

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      Tasha Niles 5 months ago

      I respect the reasons behind the cheating. To be in a relationship and unaware or aware that your man cheats is difficult to phantom but its real and it happens every day, and if your man cheats there is nothing wrong with you but him and you two should both sit down together to find a solution. Having read this article about unable to stop the cheater and they basically goes on to cheat is hopeless but all relationships differ and maybe for some thee is still hope yet.

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      6 months ago

      Out of numerous articles I've read about men cheating, why they do it etc, with the onus often being placed on the woman, I felt this article was a breath of fresh air. Rational and straight to the point and in hindsight very true. While there are two people in a relationship that can contribute to relationship breakdown, it's no excuse for cheating.

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      Smow 6 months ago

      My bf of 11 years cheated on me with another man! I'm devastated.

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      Moon 7 months ago

      My H cheated on me with my “friend”.. we hung out as couples all the time, I would have never thought anything was going on between them. She was not attractive whatsoever.. so it just proves that it can happen anytime anywhere, you can’t trust anyone. And you are left with all this pain regret on being a stay home mom and dedicating all this years to something they break. And you have to be the one who struggles even tho you did nothing but take care of your family. In my case I can blame the other woman too and I can’t go back to him because at least some of these men are dogs outside their house in my case I will always be wondering if he has anything to do with the women close to us.

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      jk 8 months ago

      My dear sister married a cheating husband - they have two children. She does not like it but she accepted it.

      My mom and dad have 7 kids together and my dad cheated on my mom with many different women during their life time.

      My other sister dated an NOT available guy for years and finally he left my sister to stay with his primary girlfriend.

      My oldest sister married a loyal and faithful husband and she almost cheated him with another man and my family got involve and it never happened so she still live with her husband for many years now.

      I have a loyal and faithful boyfriend of 16 years and at work there was a married guy who ALMOST got me but I was strong enough to walk away SAFELY.

      it seems cheating has a trail or it is in the blood or genetic or something.

      Cheating destroy and hurt so many relationships.

      It's sad but it's happening....ONLY you and YOU ONLY can decide to be monogamy or to cheat. But if you cheat on someone causing them pain - what comes around goes around some days someone will cause you triple the pain. So believe in bad karma. Don't do it. and of course DON'T stay with a cheater NOT even ONCE. TOO MUCH emotional distress.

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      jk 8 months ago


      Let him go, and let yourself free. Chasing after love - Love will run away from you. Let it goes and it will come to you.

      Don't live your life being afraid, and holding on. Be independent, be generous, be strong, you need to find your own happiness before you find someone to share the happiness. "happiness is do it YOURSELF project" I wish you with success

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      jk 8 months ago


      Your husband said all men cheat before his death. Well, he lied and he was wrong. Not all men cheat. Forgive him and move on - you can't change the past. live and enjoy your blessing in present time - look at the bright side - you still have a lot of nice and good things going on with your life -Good luck to you.

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      Liteoverdark 8 months ago

      Amen to that. That is the truest most wise advice ever. I dont care if my husband has or hasnt cheated. My husband can't tell the truth and you can never try to talk to him about what he does that hurt you. He cant ne told anything. So that means accept less than I deserve or walk. He just cares about making people like bim for who he isnt. I cant count on him. And he isnt trusted in so many ways. Theres no point in continuing the. We both need to be set free. marriage

      Can be a

      great thing but mine for way too long now has been a disaster and it's time to move on.

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      Cece 8 months ago

      Thanks for this post. My boyfriend cheated on me and now we aren't together. Now I'm at a point where I don't care about him anymore. Hate that he drove me to this point but working things out with him isn't going to happen.

    • Stephanie14 profile image

      Stephanie14 8 months ago

      cheating spouses often exhibit noticeable changes in behavior. Catching a cheating spouse may be difficult and even require the use of a private investigator. Private investigators may use personal surveillance techniques, video taping, or photography to obtain proof of the infidelity. In some cases, a private investigator may do a background check on the individual to obtain information of their past. You have to note that not all comment are real most of them are spammers and from what i have been made to understand, this job doesn’t come cheap. In the case of mine I requested for the service of this private investigator (captainspyhacker2 AT gmail DOT com ) who helped me gain access to my husband phone remotely using his techniques he did the job with no traces. up to this moment I still monitor his phone because I need a strong proof for divorce. Thanks Captain for this wonderful service you offered me

    • profile image

      Jay 9 months ago

      My hubby became ill got hepc and died he acted the perfect hubby and father on his death bed the last words he ever said .. were calling another women's name I am left with mixed emotions grief anger resentment I had some evidence of his cheating before his death he became ill so fast and went into hospital didn,t have much chance to deal with except when confronted him all he had to say was.... all men cheat and its not as if I committed murder,,,,, what a selfish man he payed with his life but I am the one that is suffering

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      ayanda 9 months ago

      My boyfriend is cheating with his ex and they've been dating for some years now and im trying to show that how much I love him but he seems not to get it every one keep on teeling me to forget about him cause he is so in love with his ex more than me and im scared that that he will leave me cause they have been dating for years now and same time i keep on thiking that what im cause their love is so power full what should i do??

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      Nancy 9 months ago

      My H is almost 80 years old grochy working man and 30 years my senior. I work with him in the same office for the past 16 and half years. He is paying asiadate $399 5 to 6 time a month to exchange love chat with younger woman. I don't know what exactly they do but i saw him on his Iphone all the itme and he travels along a couple weeks by himself every other month. I think he is dead walking man. what else can i say?

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      Andrea 9 months ago

      I've read quite a few articles about cheating, but this one some how opened my eyes! Thank you so much!

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      Laura 9 months ago

      My husband cheated on me plenty of times as well, I was sick of it and I did it as well, now our relationship is falling apart because he cant forgive me. I found out he is like this since his childhood from seeing how his father was, this is deeper he needs to talk to a psychologist but he refuses. Right now he is cheating on me with another women and uses my cheating as an excuse. Now I just wish I didn't have done anything, and just let him do whatever it is he knows to do, because atleast in the past I wasn't a cheater and he loved me the way he knows how to love, now I am scared to lose him because he thinks I am like any other girl, I am no longer special to him........ :'(

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      Bella 9 months ago

      I said once a cheat always a cheat my husband cheat on me when we were dating .Its now 12yrs later end his is still doing it with deffrent woman.he asked forgiveness every time i love him so much i feel i can't live with out him. I KNOW HE do it because i dont have a job im always at home with the kids never go out.its hell i want out but i can't i have no income without his help. He is so polite he always buy me presents and tell me how much he loves me. Even when i try to leave him he stops to cheat only for 3 months and then we are back to square 1.

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      emilia 10 months ago

      My hubby won't stop cheating,he chats with a lot of girls,women. When caught, he shout at me why I checked his phone, and promise to do it more if i dont stop checking his phone.now he has cyanged the password.he does take care of me and the kids very well,whatever we asked for he is ready to give us. Am confused. I want to leave him, am confused.

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      Someone883 10 months ago

      First off let me start by saying you should never cheat on someone. If they believe you are in a committed relationship then do not betray the trust they have put in you. That being said...

      Human Beings aren't meant to be Monogamous. This is why half as many people get divorced as get married every year. The notion of finding "The One" might seem like a dream come true but how long can the same person really and truly make you happy?

      To put it more simply— I and many other people love vanilla ice cream. But what if someone told you vanilla ice cream is the only thing you can eat everyday for the next 365 days (that's only one year)?

      True a Human being is far more complex than food. But there's only so much you can learn about a person before you've learned all they'er willing to share. At this point in the relationship most people hit a rut. They get bored and try doing different things to spice things up. This is when you introduce fruits and nuts to your vanilla ice cream. The hope is that this new variety will add some much needed flavor to your now boring desert. This can be sky-diving, bar hoping, becoming foodies, traveling to parts unknown, and so on.

      In trying these new toppings you find some that you like and some that you don't. You find that even though you might like some they just don't suit your ice cream. After a while you run out of new toppings to try. Now you are back to square one with your same old boring vanilla ice cream just rehashing old toppings.

      So what do you do? Well you can stay bored for the rest of your 365 days (Assuming your kidneys don't give out right? lol). Or you can try chocolate ice cream. Not your thing? The maybe you try Butter Pecan, French Vanilla, or Strawberry.

      To sum this up. The majority of people enjoy variety. This is why Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

      Of course you have people out there who are more than happy to have vanilla every day for the rest of their lives. No toppings ever needed. However (not saying this to be rude), that's abnormal. This is why most people who are in long-term relationships become unhappy at one point or another.

      Counseling usually doesn't fix this. It just puts a band-aid on it. This is why you will likely find yourself continually going to counseling as long as you stay with that person. It isn't a cure it's a treatment. If you're bored with something does talking about it ever fix that?

      * If you are unhappy/bored with your current partner

      Here are your Options:

      • Stay unhappy and pass unhappy

      • Be single

      • Talk to your partner about an open relationship (Please note that this rarely goes over well. You may find yourself single after this conversation. Do this at your own discretion.)

      • Find someone who is comfortable with an open relationship. I mean truly open. If both partners aren't allowed to try different flavors then ultimately someone will end up unhappy.

    • profile image

      Mimmi 11 months ago

      My white husband cheated with my black maid for ten years. She weighed 300 pounds and was 6'2". Very uncomely to look at. I am a petite 5'3". 140 pounds. He thinks it was no big deal because they only did it about 10 times over a 10 year spanse. Once was too many. He would have done it with her more but she was in prison for 3 years and he worked out of state. This stopped about a year ago. My husband has shown genuine remorse, sorrowfulness, shame , and extreme embarrassment. I don't care. He can not do enough to undo the damage. At first I took anger management therapy. It's a year later and I am back in anger therapy. I do not think I want to live with him. I call him King Kong.

    • profile image

      Jackie 11 months ago

      I thank you for this article, I don't want to be like a woman that has boyfriend who always cheat and cheat and cheat. He once cheating on me and he said that it was happen time we broke up.

      Right before that, after we had sex I checked his phone using unsual code (he open it for me, I told him I just need to share some music and got back to sleep) and I started to investigate his phone. I found a text by a girl who thanked him for the day they spent well and about buying pair of shoes. I cried. Not only that, I also found numerous conversation over his messager from unfamiliar names of a women.

      I cried. A lot. I swear to god that I'm going to leave this man, like right now. However, he explained he protect himself, and I love him so much and so I forgave him.

      He said sorry. But eventually our relationship broke up into pieces after what happen.

      It's like a glass that no matter how you try to fix it, it'll never came back to a beautiful and perfect glass.

      After we broke up, he suddenly add me up again on facebook and begging for forgiveness, he want to see me. And met again. He hold my hands, and said sorry. I forgave him.

      But hardest part of all is the trust. I can't make it 100%.

      Until now, we're still together and talk about future and such and I'm searching for reasons why boyfriends cheats. I found this, and I realized that, it's also about me who needs to love myself more that I do to him. It's about time to stop investigating his phone to get proofs because it's not me, it's him who choose to be a cheater.

      I'll just gonna let him be. And love myself.

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      sinothando 13 months ago

      As I'm reading this article my boyfriend and I have been in 3 years but yesterday I funded out that he is cheating with me and he also have a wife but he also cheat on her.

    • profile image

      anonymous17 13 months ago

      Thank you for this great article! My h has cheated for many many years, and doesn't care if I know. He calls me names and says he hates me, and wants to divorce me when he gets his inheritance. I have always been a stay at home mom, and love our house, pets kids. What should I do?

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      Jen 14 months ago

      Once a cheater, always a cheater. It is how they deal with their insecurity. They are also entitled, and feel that they deserve to do what they want. Never a thought about consequences or their family. My husband met his mistress in AA...yes, both drunks and married. I finally divorced my cheater...after thinking that SHE was the problem because MY husband would never do such a thing....right, I was blind. She is still married. They break up all the time because she can't stay sober. She has 3 kids....and so do I. It just sucks, because my husband tells me that we had a wonderful marriage and that he would do it all over again....what a mind f*ck! So, I was a great wife and we had a great marriage with great kids....BUT, he is leaving me for a drunk? Yes, I see it all so clearly! Lol I hope they are miserable.

    • profile image

      Demi 14 months ago

      very nice !! yes its true !!

    • profile image

      WOW.... 14 months ago

      Beloved, don't full yourself, a cheater is not going to change...unless they're ready to changed... I see people with my own eyes cheating with people that have a deadly illness, and I told my homeboy about the chic he still kept messing around with her...the chic passed away...now he's walking around looking like the walking dead....

    • profile image

      Broken 15 months ago

      Great article forgave my husband so many times now i realize its not my faught. Its has nothing to do with looks or size he cheated with women uglier and fatter than me. Secretly filing a divorce and moving on

    • profile image

      Lucy 15 months ago

      That's true.. Cheater cheats..

      I caught my husband cheating on me so many times.

      He keep denying even I have proves. At first I showed him the prove and he will instantly destroy them.

      Now I just keeping the proves and planning to file a divorce in future.

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      Sick of bullies 16 months ago

      Angelina and Random, aka Hating-trolls! Get a life. Stop projecting your partners infidelity on others.

    • profile image

      Angelina 16 months ago

      this is bullshit youre just mad.

      some people do change after they cheat , when your partner cheats on you and begs for you to keep them and tells you that they will change why not give them a chance? i mean if you were a good partner to them and kept them happy im sure they feel like they made the biggest mistake of there life that for they change and have a stronger commitment in the relationship god gives people many chances , it shouldnt be hard to give the person you once loved or still do a second chance. atleast 1 .

    • profile image

      Anna 16 months ago

      Thanks for writing this article, I 100% agree with everything you wrote in it. I think a lot of women need to hear it, because they usually blame themselves instead of the guy.

      I know I dated a guy and then broke up because he cheated on me. 6 months later we got back together and he cheated on me again with a different girl. Long story short, once a cheater, always a cheater. And being cheated on, always f****** hurts.

      If a guy cheats, it means he doesn't appreciate you or what you have to offer, so don't waste your time with him.

      PS I'm sorry to hear that not everyone is able to appreciate or understand what you wrote. It's important for women to value themselves and get the hell out of toxic and unhealthy relationships that destroy their self-esteem and self-worth, not to mention waste months (or years!) of their lives.

    • profile image

      Jessica 18 months ago

      My husband keep accussing me of cheating us he the one cheating on me

    • profile image

      random 18 months ago

      you have no facts in there, rather you seem like someone who has been cheated on and is butthurt. grow up.


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