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3 Mistakes Women Make When Men Cheat

Updated on December 13, 2016
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Cheaters Cheat — End of Story

When your man cheats, it feels like your entire universe is crumbling around you. Most women dealing with a cheating husband or boyfriend start thinking of ways to fix the situation. We wonder what we've done to drive him to the arms of another woman. We struggle to think of ways to bring him back.

STOP!

Cheaters cheat. That's it. Cheating is not about boredom or dissatisfaction. Cheating is the result of a psychological flaw that allows men or women to rationalize cheating and breaking vows. Affairs are not normal, healthy reactions to uncommon relationship struggles. Rather, they are unhealthy reactions to trials and tribulations that are common to most relationships from time to time.

Don't torture or embarrass yourself making the same mistakes millions of women make when they know their man is cheating. Save your self-respect, dignity, and time by cutting your losses and freeing yourself for a better relationship with a more functional man.

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Mistake #1 — The Investigation

When women suspect their man is cheating, the first mistake they make is launching a fact-finding mission. Spying, calling around, and interrogating their partners, women invest their energy in a senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious: the relationship is seriously broken.

You don't need proof that your man is cheating to know that something isn't working between the two of you. Whether he's actually cheating or you're just seriously paranoid, evidence isn't required to know something has to change. Driving yourself mad trying to catch him in the act of cheating won't deliver the peace of mind you are looking for. It will only make you look and feel crazy.

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Mistake #2 — Blaming the Other Woman

Yeah, she's got to be pure evil to steal another woman's man, but that's really not the point. She's not the one who committed to you and promised to be true to you, and then cheated on you. More importantly, if it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

People cheat because they are cheaters. When a man cheats it's not because he was innocently seduced by another woman's wicked charms. It's not because she offered something you didn't. It's not because she's better than you. Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.

Let go of your anger towards the other woman. It's misguided. Focus instead on the fact that the partner you were in a relationship with violated his commitment to monogamy. If it wasn't her, he'd have found someone else. Even if she leaves the picture, there are millions of women in the world for him to cheat with.

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Mistake #3 — Changing to Keep Him

First of all, if your man is cheating, the last thing you want is to keep him around. Cheating is a pattern of behavior that won't stop no matter how many promises he makes or how many changes you make to keep his attention. If he has cheated on you, it's time to move on. Cheaters cheat . . . and cheat . . . and cheat.

Second, you didn't drive him to cheat. If your man is cheating, it's not a reflection of your worth, but an indication that he is incapable of handling the responsibility of maintaining a relationship. He is lacking mature adult coping skills. The problem is his, NOT YOURS.

Because you didn't cause your man to cheat, you can't stop it either. There is nothing you can change in yourself to make a cheater be loyal. Stop thinking that if you were thinner, prettier, wilder in bed, or more exciting he would be faithful. If your man is cheating, he's not thinking about you one way or another.

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      Talu 9 days ago

      Thank you so much i have a lot of things i have two weeks crying thinking that i do no good to my husband that is why he do cheat on .though i take care of everything at home using all my money in home use agreeing that his money will be use in other work i taught he will not cheat again be he continue

      thank you cheaters are cheaters not change i will go back to my self and i will trust my self and my God

    • profile image

      Jessica Cook 12 days ago

      Find out if your spouse is cheating. Hack any mobile phone remotely. Hack any website/database. Fix your credit score. Erase Records and lots more. Contact:- nullantrax2017-at-outlook.com

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      jk 4 weeks ago

      My dear sister married a cheating husband - they have two children. She does not like it but she accepted it.

      My mom and dad have 7 kids together and my dad cheated on my mom with many different women during their life time.

      My other sister dated an NOT available guy for years and finally he left my sister to stay with his primary girlfriend.

      My oldest sister married a loyal and faithful husband and she almost cheated him with another man and my family got involve and it never happened so she still live with her husband for many years now.

      I have a loyal and faithful boyfriend of 16 years and at work there was a married guy who ALMOST got me but I was strong enough to walk away SAFELY.

      it seems cheating has a trail or it is in the blood or genetic or something.

      Cheating destroy and hurt so many relationships.

      It's sad but it's happening....ONLY you and YOU ONLY can decide to be monogamy or to cheat. But if you cheat on someone causing them pain - what comes around goes around some days someone will cause you triple the pain. So believe in bad karma. Don't do it. and of course DON'T stay with a cheater NOT even ONCE. TOO MUCH emotional distress.

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      jk 4 weeks ago

      Ayanda,

      Let him go, and let yourself free. Chasing after love - Love will run away from you. Let it goes and it will come to you.

      Don't live your life being afraid, and holding on. Be independent, be generous, be strong, you need to find your own happiness before you find someone to share the happiness. "happiness is do it YOURSELF project" I wish you with success

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      jk 4 weeks ago

      Jay,

      Your husband said all men cheat before his death. Well, he lied and he was wrong. Not all men cheat. Forgive him and move on - you can't change the past. live and enjoy your blessing in present time - look at the bright side - you still have a lot of nice and good things going on with your life -Good luck to you.

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      Liteoverdark 6 weeks ago

      Amen to that. That is the truest most wise advice ever. I dont care if my husband has or hasnt cheated. My husband can't tell the truth and you can never try to talk to him about what he does that hurt you. He cant ne told anything. So that means accept less than I deserve or walk. He just cares about making people like bim for who he isnt. I cant count on him. And he isnt trusted in so many ways. Theres no point in continuing the. We both need to be set free. marriage

      Can be a

      great thing but mine for way too long now has been a disaster and it's time to move on.

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      Cece 6 weeks ago

      Thanks for this post. My boyfriend cheated on me and now we aren't together. Now I'm at a point where I don't care about him anymore. Hate that he drove me to this point but working things out with him isn't going to happen.

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      Stephanie14 7 weeks ago

      cheating spouses often exhibit noticeable changes in behavior. Catching a cheating spouse may be difficult and even require the use of a private investigator. Private investigators may use personal surveillance techniques, video taping, or photography to obtain proof of the infidelity. In some cases, a private investigator may do a background check on the individual to obtain information of their past. You have to note that not all comment are real most of them are spammers and from what i have been made to understand, this job doesn’t come cheap. In the case of mine I requested for the service of this private investigator (captainspyhacker2 AT gmail DOT com ) who helped me gain access to my husband phone remotely using his techniques he did the job with no traces. up to this moment I still monitor his phone because I need a strong proof for divorce. Thanks Captain for this wonderful service you offered me

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      Jay 2 months ago

      My hubby became ill got hepc and died he acted the perfect hubby and father on his death bed the last words he ever said .. were calling another women's name I am left with mixed emotions grief anger resentment I had some evidence of his cheating before his death he became ill so fast and went into hospital didn,t have much chance to deal with except when confronted him all he had to say was.... all men cheat and its not as if I committed murder,,,,, what a selfish man he payed with his life but I am the one that is suffering

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      ayanda 2 months ago

      My boyfriend is cheating with his ex and they've been dating for some years now and im trying to show that how much I love him but he seems not to get it every one keep on teeling me to forget about him cause he is so in love with his ex more than me and im scared that that he will leave me cause they have been dating for years now and same time i keep on thiking that what im cause their love is so power full what should i do??

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      Nancy 2 months ago

      My H is almost 80 years old grochy working man and 30 years my senior. I work with him in the same office for the past 16 and half years. He is paying asiadate $399 5 to 6 time a month to exchange love chat with younger woman. I don't know what exactly they do but i saw him on his Iphone all the itme and he travels along a couple weeks by himself every other month. I think he is dead walking man. what else can i say?

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      Andrea 2 months ago

      I've read quite a few articles about cheating, but this one some how opened my eyes! Thank you so much!

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      Laura 2 months ago

      My husband cheated on me plenty of times as well, I was sick of it and I did it as well, now our relationship is falling apart because he cant forgive me. I found out he is like this since his childhood from seeing how his father was, this is deeper he needs to talk to a psychologist but he refuses. Right now he is cheating on me with another women and uses my cheating as an excuse. Now I just wish I didn't have done anything, and just let him do whatever it is he knows to do, because atleast in the past I wasn't a cheater and he loved me the way he knows how to love, now I am scared to lose him because he thinks I am like any other girl, I am no longer special to him........ :'(

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      Bella 2 months ago

      I said once a cheat always a cheat my husband cheat on me when we were dating .Its now 12yrs later end his is still doing it with deffrent woman.he asked forgiveness every time i love him so much i feel i can't live with out him. I KNOW HE do it because i dont have a job im always at home with the kids never go out.its hell i want out but i can't i have no income without his help. He is so polite he always buy me presents and tell me how much he loves me. Even when i try to leave him he stops to cheat only for 3 months and then we are back to square 1.

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      emilia 3 months ago

      My hubby won't stop cheating,he chats with a lot of girls,women. When caught, he shout at me why I checked his phone, and promise to do it more if i dont stop checking his phone.now he has cyanged the password.he does take care of me and the kids very well,whatever we asked for he is ready to give us. Am confused. I want to leave him, am confused.

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      Someone883 3 months ago

      First off let me start by saying you should never cheat on someone. If they believe you are in a committed relationship then do not betray the trust they have put in you. That being said...

      Human Beings aren't meant to be Monogamous. This is why half as many people get divorced as get married every year. The notion of finding "The One" might seem like a dream come true but how long can the same person really and truly make you happy?

      To put it more simply— I and many other people love vanilla ice cream. But what if someone told you vanilla ice cream is the only thing you can eat everyday for the next 365 days (that's only one year)?

      True a Human being is far more complex than food. But there's only so much you can learn about a person before you've learned all they'er willing to share. At this point in the relationship most people hit a rut. They get bored and try doing different things to spice things up. This is when you introduce fruits and nuts to your vanilla ice cream. The hope is that this new variety will add some much needed flavor to your now boring desert. This can be sky-diving, bar hoping, becoming foodies, traveling to parts unknown, and so on.

      In trying these new toppings you find some that you like and some that you don't. You find that even though you might like some they just don't suit your ice cream. After a while you run out of new toppings to try. Now you are back to square one with your same old boring vanilla ice cream just rehashing old toppings.

      So what do you do? Well you can stay bored for the rest of your 365 days (Assuming your kidneys don't give out right? lol). Or you can try chocolate ice cream. Not your thing? The maybe you try Butter Pecan, French Vanilla, or Strawberry.

      To sum this up. The majority of people enjoy variety. This is why Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

      Of course you have people out there who are more than happy to have vanilla every day for the rest of their lives. No toppings ever needed. However (not saying this to be rude), that's abnormal. This is why most people who are in long-term relationships become unhappy at one point or another.

      Counseling usually doesn't fix this. It just puts a band-aid on it. This is why you will likely find yourself continually going to counseling as long as you stay with that person. It isn't a cure it's a treatment. If you're bored with something does talking about it ever fix that?

      * If you are unhappy/bored with your current partner

      Here are your Options:

      • Stay unhappy and pass unhappy

      • Be single

      • Talk to your partner about an open relationship (Please note that this rarely goes over well. You may find yourself single after this conversation. Do this at your own discretion.)

      • Find someone who is comfortable with an open relationship. I mean truly open. If both partners aren't allowed to try different flavors then ultimately someone will end up unhappy.

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      Mimmi 4 months ago

      My white husband cheated with my black maid for ten years. She weighed 300 pounds and was 6'2". Very uncomely to look at. I am a petite 5'3". 140 pounds. He thinks it was no big deal because they only did it about 10 times over a 10 year spanse. Once was too many. He would have done it with her more but she was in prison for 3 years and he worked out of state. This stopped about a year ago. My husband has shown genuine remorse, sorrowfulness, shame , and extreme embarrassment. I don't care. He can not do enough to undo the damage. At first I took anger management therapy. It's a year later and I am back in anger therapy. I do not think I want to live with him. I call him King Kong.

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      Jackie 4 months ago

      I thank you for this article, I don't want to be like a woman that has boyfriend who always cheat and cheat and cheat. He once cheating on me and he said that it was happen time we broke up.

      Right before that, after we had sex I checked his phone using unsual code (he open it for me, I told him I just need to share some music and got back to sleep) and I started to investigate his phone. I found a text by a girl who thanked him for the day they spent well and about buying pair of shoes. I cried. Not only that, I also found numerous conversation over his messager from unfamiliar names of a women.

      I cried. A lot. I swear to god that I'm going to leave this man, like right now. However, he explained he protect himself, and I love him so much and so I forgave him.

      He said sorry. But eventually our relationship broke up into pieces after what happen.

      It's like a glass that no matter how you try to fix it, it'll never came back to a beautiful and perfect glass.

      After we broke up, he suddenly add me up again on facebook and begging for forgiveness, he want to see me. And met again. He hold my hands, and said sorry. I forgave him.

      But hardest part of all is the trust. I can't make it 100%.

      Until now, we're still together and talk about future and such and I'm searching for reasons why boyfriends cheats. I found this, and I realized that, it's also about me who needs to love myself more that I do to him. It's about time to stop investigating his phone to get proofs because it's not me, it's him who choose to be a cheater.

      I'll just gonna let him be. And love myself.

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      sinothando 6 months ago

      As I'm reading this article my boyfriend and I have been in 3 years but yesterday I funded out that he is cheating with me and he also have a wife but he also cheat on her.

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      anonymous17 6 months ago

      Thank you for this great article! My h has cheated for many many years, and doesn't care if I know. He calls me names and says he hates me, and wants to divorce me when he gets his inheritance. I have always been a stay at home mom, and love our house, pets kids. What should I do?

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      Jen 7 months ago

      Once a cheater, always a cheater. It is how they deal with their insecurity. They are also entitled, and feel that they deserve to do what they want. Never a thought about consequences or their family. My husband met his mistress in AA...yes, both drunks and married. I finally divorced my cheater...after thinking that SHE was the problem because MY husband would never do such a thing....right, I was blind. She is still married. They break up all the time because she can't stay sober. She has 3 kids....and so do I. It just sucks, because my husband tells me that we had a wonderful marriage and that he would do it all over again....what a mind f*ck! So, I was a great wife and we had a great marriage with great kids....BUT, he is leaving me for a drunk? Yes, I see it all so clearly! Lol I hope they are miserable.

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      Demi 7 months ago

      very nice !! yes its true !!

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      WOW.... 7 months ago

      Beloved, don't full yourself, a cheater is not going to change...unless they're ready to changed... I see people with my own eyes cheating with people that have a deadly illness, and I told my homeboy about the chic he still kept messing around with her...the chic passed away...now he's walking around looking like the walking dead....

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      Broken 8 months ago

      Great article forgave my husband so many times now i realize its not my faught. Its has nothing to do with looks or size he cheated with women uglier and fatter than me. Secretly filing a divorce and moving on

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      Lucy 8 months ago

      That's true.. Cheater cheats..

      I caught my husband cheating on me so many times.

      He keep denying even I have proves. At first I showed him the prove and he will instantly destroy them.

      Now I just keeping the proves and planning to file a divorce in future.

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      Sick of bullies 9 months ago

      Angelina and Random, aka Hating-trolls! Get a life. Stop projecting your partners infidelity on others.

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      Angelina 9 months ago

      this is bullshit youre just mad.

      some people do change after they cheat , when your partner cheats on you and begs for you to keep them and tells you that they will change why not give them a chance? i mean if you were a good partner to them and kept them happy im sure they feel like they made the biggest mistake of there life that for they change and have a stronger commitment in the relationship god gives people many chances , it shouldnt be hard to give the person you once loved or still do a second chance. atleast 1 .

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      Anna 9 months ago

      Thanks for writing this article, I 100% agree with everything you wrote in it. I think a lot of women need to hear it, because they usually blame themselves instead of the guy.

      I know I dated a guy and then broke up because he cheated on me. 6 months later we got back together and he cheated on me again with a different girl. Long story short, once a cheater, always a cheater. And being cheated on, always f****** hurts.

      If a guy cheats, it means he doesn't appreciate you or what you have to offer, so don't waste your time with him.

      PS I'm sorry to hear that not everyone is able to appreciate or understand what you wrote. It's important for women to value themselves and get the hell out of toxic and unhealthy relationships that destroy their self-esteem and self-worth, not to mention waste months (or years!) of their lives.

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      Jessica 11 months ago

      My husband keep accussing me of cheating us he the one cheating on me

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      random 11 months ago

      you have no facts in there, rather you seem like someone who has been cheated on and is butthurt. grow up.