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3 Mistakes Women Make When Men Cheat

Updated on December 13, 2016
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Cheaters Cheat — End of Story

When your man cheats, it feels like your entire universe is crumbling around you. Most women dealing with a cheating husband or boyfriend start thinking of ways to fix the situation. We wonder what we've done to drive him to the arms of another woman. We struggle to think of ways to bring him back.

STOP!

Cheaters cheat. That's it. Cheating is not about boredom or dissatisfaction. Cheating is the result of a psychological flaw that allows men or women to rationalize cheating and breaking vows. Affairs are not normal, healthy reactions to uncommon relationship struggles. Rather, they are unhealthy reactions to trials and tribulations that are common to most relationships from time to time.

Don't torture or embarrass yourself making the same mistakes millions of women make when they know their man is cheating. Save your self-respect, dignity, and time by cutting your losses and freeing yourself for a better relationship with a more functional man.

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Mistake #1 — The Investigation

When women suspect their man is cheating, the first mistake they make is launching a fact-finding mission. Spying, calling around, and interrogating their partners, women invest their energy in a senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious: the relationship is seriously broken.

You don't need proof that your man is cheating to know that something isn't working between the two of you. Whether he's actually cheating or you're just seriously paranoid, evidence isn't required to know something has to change. Driving yourself mad trying to catch him in the act of cheating won't deliver the peace of mind you are looking for. It will only make you look and feel crazy.

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Mistake #2 — Blaming the Other Woman

Yeah, she's got to be pure evil to steal another woman's man, but that's really not the point. She's not the one who committed to you and promised to be true to you, and then cheated on you. More importantly, if it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

People cheat because they are cheaters. When a man cheats it's not because he was innocently seduced by another woman's wicked charms. It's not because she offered something you didn't. It's not because she's better than you. Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.

Let go of your anger towards the other woman. It's misguided. Focus instead on the fact that the partner you were in a relationship with violated his commitment to monogamy. If it wasn't her, he'd have found someone else. Even if she leaves the picture, there are millions of women in the world for him to cheat with.

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Mistake #3 — Changing to Keep Him

First of all, if your man is cheating, the last thing you want is to keep him around. Cheating is a pattern of behavior that won't stop no matter how many promises he makes or how many changes you make to keep his attention. If he has cheated on you, it's time to move on. Cheaters cheat . . . and cheat . . . and cheat.

Second, you didn't drive him to cheat. If your man is cheating, it's not a reflection of your worth, but an indication that he is incapable of handling the responsibility of maintaining a relationship. He is lacking mature adult coping skills. The problem is his, NOT YOURS.

Because you didn't cause your man to cheat, you can't stop it either. There is nothing you can change in yourself to make a cheater be loyal. Stop thinking that if you were thinner, prettier, wilder in bed, or more exciting he would be faithful. If your man is cheating, he's not thinking about you one way or another.

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      random 7 months ago

      you have no facts in there, rather you seem like someone who has been cheated on and is butthurt. grow up.

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      Jessica 7 months ago

      My husband keep accussing me of cheating us he the one cheating on me

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      Anna 5 months ago

      Thanks for writing this article, I 100% agree with everything you wrote in it. I think a lot of women need to hear it, because they usually blame themselves instead of the guy.

      I know I dated a guy and then broke up because he cheated on me. 6 months later we got back together and he cheated on me again with a different girl. Long story short, once a cheater, always a cheater. And being cheated on, always f****** hurts.

      If a guy cheats, it means he doesn't appreciate you or what you have to offer, so don't waste your time with him.

      PS I'm sorry to hear that not everyone is able to appreciate or understand what you wrote. It's important for women to value themselves and get the hell out of toxic and unhealthy relationships that destroy their self-esteem and self-worth, not to mention waste months (or years!) of their lives.

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      Angelina 5 months ago

      this is bullshit youre just mad.

      some people do change after they cheat , when your partner cheats on you and begs for you to keep them and tells you that they will change why not give them a chance? i mean if you were a good partner to them and kept them happy im sure they feel like they made the biggest mistake of there life that for they change and have a stronger commitment in the relationship god gives people many chances , it shouldnt be hard to give the person you once loved or still do a second chance. atleast 1 .

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      Sick of bullies 5 months ago

      Angelina and Random, aka Hating-trolls! Get a life. Stop projecting your partners infidelity on others.

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      Lucy 4 months ago

      That's true.. Cheater cheats..

      I caught my husband cheating on me so many times.

      He keep denying even I have proves. At first I showed him the prove and he will instantly destroy them.

      Now I just keeping the proves and planning to file a divorce in future.

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      Broken 4 months ago

      Great article forgave my husband so many times now i realize its not my faught. Its has nothing to do with looks or size he cheated with women uglier and fatter than me. Secretly filing a divorce and moving on

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      WOW.... 3 months ago

      Beloved, don't full yourself, a cheater is not going to change...unless they're ready to changed... I see people with my own eyes cheating with people that have a deadly illness, and I told my homeboy about the chic he still kept messing around with her...the chic passed away...now he's walking around looking like the walking dead....

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      Demi 3 months ago

      very nice !! yes its true !!

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      Jen 3 months ago

      Once a cheater, always a cheater. It is how they deal with their insecurity. They are also entitled, and feel that they deserve to do what they want. Never a thought about consequences or their family. My husband met his mistress in AA...yes, both drunks and married. I finally divorced my cheater...after thinking that SHE was the problem because MY husband would never do such a thing....right, I was blind. She is still married. They break up all the time because she can't stay sober. She has 3 kids....and so do I. It just sucks, because my husband tells me that we had a wonderful marriage and that he would do it all over again....what a mind f*ck! So, I was a great wife and we had a great marriage with great kids....BUT, he is leaving me for a drunk? Yes, I see it all so clearly! Lol I hope they are miserable.

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      anonymous17 2 months ago

      Thank you for this great article! My h has cheated for many many years, and doesn't care if I know. He calls me names and says he hates me, and wants to divorce me when he gets his inheritance. I have always been a stay at home mom, and love our house, pets kids. What should I do?

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      sinothando 2 months ago

      As I'm reading this article my boyfriend and I have been in 3 years but yesterday I funded out that he is cheating with me and he also have a wife but he also cheat on her.

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      Jackie 2 weeks ago

      I thank you for this article, I don't want to be like a woman that has boyfriend who always cheat and cheat and cheat. He once cheating on me and he said that it was happen time we broke up.

      Right before that, after we had sex I checked his phone using unsual code (he open it for me, I told him I just need to share some music and got back to sleep) and I started to investigate his phone. I found a text by a girl who thanked him for the day they spent well and about buying pair of shoes. I cried. Not only that, I also found numerous conversation over his messager from unfamiliar names of a women.

      I cried. A lot. I swear to god that I'm going to leave this man, like right now. However, he explained he protect himself, and I love him so much and so I forgave him.

      He said sorry. But eventually our relationship broke up into pieces after what happen.

      It's like a glass that no matter how you try to fix it, it'll never came back to a beautiful and perfect glass.

      After we broke up, he suddenly add me up again on facebook and begging for forgiveness, he want to see me. And met again. He hold my hands, and said sorry. I forgave him.

      But hardest part of all is the trust. I can't make it 100%.

      Until now, we're still together and talk about future and such and I'm searching for reasons why boyfriends cheats. I found this, and I realized that, it's also about me who needs to love myself more that I do to him. It's about time to stop investigating his phone to get proofs because it's not me, it's him who choose to be a cheater.

      I'll just gonna let him be. And love myself.

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      Mimmi 21 hours ago

      My white husband cheated with my black maid for ten years. She weighed 300 pounds and was 6'2". Very uncomely to look at. I am a petite 5'3". 140 pounds. He thinks it was no big deal because they only did it about 10 times over a 10 year spanse. Once was too many. He would have done it with her more but she was in prison for 3 years and he worked out of state. This stopped about a year ago. My husband has shown genuine remorse, sorrowfulness, shame , and extreme embarrassment. I don't care. He can not do enough to undo the damage. At first I took anger management therapy. It's a year later and I am back in anger therapy. I do not think I want to live with him. I call him King Kong.

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