Updated date:

3 Mistakes Women Make When Men Cheat

Author:

I love giving advice to others on how to deal with infidelity.

Cheaters Cheat — End of Story

When your man cheats, it feels like your entire universe is crumbling around you. Most women dealing with a cheating husband or boyfriend start thinking of ways to fix the situation. We wonder what we've done to drive him to the arms of another woman. We struggle to think of ways to bring him back.

STOP!

Cheaters cheat. That's it. Cheating is not about boredom or dissatisfaction. Cheating is the result of a psychological flaw that allows men or women to rationalize cheating and breaking vows. Affairs are not normal, healthy reactions to uncommon relationship struggles. Rather, they are unhealthy reactions to trials and tribulations that are common to most relationships from time to time.

Don't torture or embarrass yourself making the same mistakes millions of women make when they know their man is cheating. Save your self-respect, dignity, and time by cutting your losses and freeing yourself for a better relationship with a more functional man.

Mistake #1 — The Investigation

When women suspect their man is cheating, the first mistake they make is launching a fact-finding mission. Spying, calling around, and interrogating their partners, women invest their energy in a senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious: the relationship is seriously broken.

You don't need proof that your man is cheating to know that something isn't working between the two of you. Whether he's actually cheating or you're just seriously paranoid, evidence isn't required to know something has to change. Driving yourself mad trying to catch him in the act of cheating won't deliver the peace of mind you are looking for. It will only make you look and feel crazy.

Mistake #2 — Blaming the Other Woman

Yeah, she's got to be pure evil to steal another woman's man, but that's really not the point. She's not the one who committed to you and promised to be true to you, and then cheated on you. More importantly, if it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

People cheat because they are cheaters. When a man cheats it's not because he was innocently seduced by another woman's wicked charms. It's not because she offered something you didn't. It's not because she's better than you. Cheaters cheat. They don't need temptation to have an affair.

Let go of your anger towards the other woman. It's misguided. Focus instead on the fact that the partner you were in a relationship with violated his commitment to monogamy. If it wasn't her, he'd have found someone else. Even if she leaves the picture, there are millions of women in the world for him to cheat with.

Mistake #3 — Changing to Keep Him

First of all, if your man is cheating, the last thing you want is to keep him around. Cheating is a pattern of behavior that won't stop no matter how many promises he makes or how many changes you make to keep his attention. If he has cheated on you, it's time to move on. Cheaters cheat . . . and cheat . . . and cheat.

Second, you didn't drive him to cheat. If your man is cheating, it's not a reflection of your worth, but an indication that he is incapable of handling the responsibility of maintaining a relationship. He is lacking mature adult coping skills. The problem is his, NOT YOURS.

Because you didn't cause your man to cheat, you can't stop it either. There is nothing you can change in yourself to make a cheater be loyal. Stop thinking that if you were thinner, prettier, wilder in bed, or more exciting he would be faithful. If your man is cheating, he's not thinking about you one way or another.

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I have been cheated on and been then cheater. I cheated b.c I was bored, wanted to get revenge and just plain wanted more attention. The bored was just selfish, the revenge didnt get me anywhere and the attention time turned the person I love most into a revenge cheater all b.c I couldn't just be real with him and he wasn't acting like an adult and listening.

I am young but I see death every day, we do not live long lives and we take for granted EVERYONE around us most of the time.

I live what I teach my kids. I teach my kids be with someone who treats you right, well how could I teach that if I wasn't even treating my husband right, I crumbled his trust to the point that he wants to get past it so badly but everytime he thinks I am doing something he acts out, well now that has caught up to him so just like I tell my kids face your own actions no matter the consequences, my husband must face them too.

My husband and I both faulted b.c we were too childish to face our adult lives, we moved past it though and realized that our kids lives are about to get hectic and they dont need two parents acting like damn fools. However, I am again treating my kids to be with someone who treat them right, so if the problem reoccurs then the punishment won't be so light, eventually you do have to take the extreme road and let that other person grow the fuck up.

Yusef Osman on May 06, 2019:

If you want to spy or hack or trace Hello to you all once i have some issues boredring me that i cant concentrate in anything i do i just have to keep going .. one faithful day a friend told me to go online then i met this hacker this gmail spy world hacker then i give it a try my work was done within couple of hours .. what a marvelous hacker now i am good thanks to Ladyashelyhackworld at g mail

Mackenziea on May 06, 2019:

I was able to read all the messages she has been sending and also check her snap and saw her and a guy when they went Clubing, and when they were also having fun and all i read there text also when she told the guy to come over to the house so they could spend the night together after seeing all this i was fucked but HUNTERSPY107 via gmail. com did a very smart job for me thank you.

Cindy Swartz on May 03, 2019:

I think as a person our biggest fear is always the unknown. Where do I go? what am I going to do? can I afford to leave him? am I too old? all these questions and uncertainties. The most important thing at the end of the day is knowing what you deserve and love yourself to know what is the best for you. If you are happy within yourself then the people around you, your family and friends will be happy too because that is the vibration you give off. Ms Tee only you will know what best for you.

MsTree on April 25, 2019:

42 years of marriage and he had an affair. I would never have thought twice as a younger woman to divorce this man, As an older woman, it's much harder after that many years together. I know he'll do it again or keep on with the affair he's in now. Of course, he's saying and doing all the right things now but it isn't real. I know that. It's been torture for me deciding where I will live etc. We built our paradise together from nothing. I can't live here and I won't allow him to bring another woman to the place I made a home. I don't want to be alone and I don't want another man but I don't want him either. It's crazy that I don't know what to do because of fear.

Yara on April 08, 2019:

Hello

CelesteCrome on March 26, 2019:

Move on when he cheats. Do not ask, do not investigate, just move on. I did. We are married. Something happens to him? My lawyer will contact his very protective mother to take care of health issues or funeral, protective mother not available, the lawyer will contact the mistress. Mistress not available? We will contact the county to dispose of the body. Maybe... I will be out of 3K. I will keep millions. Never complained, played dumb. You should too!

Dnarra on March 18, 2019:

I am a young girl and haven't gone though a relationship yet being only 16 years old. I feel like if someone cheated on you men or women that you should not try and fix a broken relationship. I would feel dirty thinking i'm in my bed with my partner after they were with someone else. Cheating is not OK and getting back with them show them that what they did was not that bad if you stay with them and try to fix it. If you been together for years, got married, have kids together then you can forgive them but don't get back together with them. Showing you can forgive them is OK but you can't just with them because of the lost trust. Not all Cheating can be justifided with the same excuses everyone uses. You are showing your kids that its OK that your partner hurt you. You might love them to death but you have to do whats best for you in the end. I may be young but this my advice for anyone in that situation.

Rita on March 16, 2019:

i have been married for 9 years. We have a 8 year old boy. I recently found texts on my husband phone and found that he has been sleeping with his coworker for at least 15 months. Some of the texts was bad mouthing me, saying he loved her and missed her when i was home. Many gifts hasbeen gave her.Now that he has been caught, he is so sorry and says he knows he did a stupid thing and wants to prove it to me that he loves and wants to be with me. My question is, how do i ever get this out of my head! Its killing me while im in home. Im not office to see what he is doing so how do i ever trust him ? Please how do i get this out of my head?

Chris on March 14, 2019:

My life is super crazy, and its not as easy as you thing. I am married only by law for over 10 years. I have been unfaithful since the relationship started. I always did a good job at covering my tracks up until about 2 month ago. I have always been the type to just look for a quick affair but this time is different. I have devolved feeling for this other person. We are know dating and i care for her. I am confused because I care for both. I love both of them and its hard. Well about 2 month I got cought red handed. So come to find out my wee ife in revenge texted

Foxyt2 on March 06, 2019:

Ladies I know it hurts ..: however I’m in recovery as we speak .. and yes it’s hard to just walk away from dysfunctional relationships .:: however if u don’t We as women are saying it’s Okay that they cheat when we keep accepting this behavior ... and once they know it , they will continue !!! We as woman have to think more of ourselves and walk away .... start planning how to remove yourself... sometimes we can adapt to dysfunction and it seems functional cause we have accepted the crap for so long .. Start a Get out plann!!

Catalina Hernandez on March 04, 2019:

There are different stories with different backgrounds, I'm not in support of disturbing privacy but when it affects my life and decision making the truth is the reality that we all need and I'm glad I did what I had to have my life back, my ex is an example, credit to this site http://spytec.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.com he helped me overcome my fears with proof, now I'm with my kid having a happy time again.

EB on March 01, 2019:

Your point about a man cheating and not blaming the partner is atrocious. Or that she is not better, or you're not the one to take any blame sister. Reverse the genders, and see if the same happens in this article.

Often, men don't cheat because they are cheaters. You say it in the article, something is wrong with the relationship!

So maybe she needs to ask herself why they are estranged!? No! I'm not condoning a man who cheats. I am also claiming that a woman who cheats with him KNOWING he's married is a textbook hoe! If she didn't know, then she is also not to be blamed.

I'm sick of articles written by women for women denouncing women's own personal agency for what happens to them!

Cindy Swartz on February 08, 2019:

Bella I have been there, If you get to a place when you know what is your self worth and you know what you deserve in life and in love it will come to you because you will know that is what you want and deserve. Self love is more important than a negative love from a partner.

Bella on February 03, 2019:

It came out of the blue. He started being mean to me not wanting to talk at all stayed away for days not coming home. Started a new job lost weight not that he was fat just a little belly. Started shopping buying new clothes told me many things like he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. He didn't have to love me to fuck me. Said he thought we might work 20 years from now. I stared looking around in his car found condoms in there when I confronted him about it. His response was that he knew I would over react and that is what he thought when he bought them for us. He was strongly against wearing before he wouldn't even consider it. We have been together since 2006 married when I was 22 he 21. We have two boys 8 and 15. That was two years ago I started working and that is when he stared trying to be the best husband again. Doing little sweet things telling me he loves me after a year not saying it at all. He hurt me telling me he never loved me. I feel like nothing meant anything in my life or marriage. Now he wants me to forget and move on. He won't talk to me and I feel like I'm done. I want to end the marriage and move on. He wants to try I don't have it in my heart to try with him again. He left me for a year not just me but our family. He moved forward without me now he wants me. I just don't think it's fair. Am I wrong for not wanting us to work again?

Jerry smith m on January 14, 2019:

I was able to read all the messages she has been sending and also check her snap and saw her and a guy when they went Clubing, and when they were also having fun and all i read there text also when she told the guy to come over to the house so they could spend the night together after seeing all this i was fucked but Hacksolve9 via gmail. com did a very smart job for me thank you.

2sweet on December 06, 2018:

i fall in love, i married the love of my life 9 years of up and down so much of helping him we had nothing.he cheated on me with a next woman she had her husband and 1 kid. i move out but i cant get over him 4 month now i call every single day i message him all the time most of the time no answer...i don't know what to do ...every time someone tell me he is with her my heart hurt my body pain i cant eat cant sleep ...someone please tell me what to do

Lynn Stephens on December 04, 2018:

I could no agree more. I am an older woman not married long but my husband just keeps cheating. I am in the process of working my way out of the marriage. Just get out of there. If your a younger woman you have advantages like being able to work, services are out there to help old and young woman move on. It will not get better, do what's best for you---get out of there. Men do not seem to realize how much they stand to lose but that is the chance he took. Divorce can devastate but your mental health is so much more important. You will respect yourself.

priyadharshini on November 27, 2018:

My man cheated me in the entry of marriage itself by messaging with his ex girl friend... I was pushed to such a bad depression for 3 years.. i just came out of that recently before 1 year... And now I found that he is messaging intimately with his face book friends... Again am pushed yo the hell...am ready to leave him... But he again says like the first time,,, i won't do it hereafter, trust me.. i won't trust him hereafter in this life time.. i don't know what are the other chats he have.. my girl baby is 3 years old.. and in this society a child needs care of both mother and father... So I must stay with him only.. no other way... I loved him so much.. i showed great care and love towards him honestly.. but he didn't deserve it... I don't want him anymore.. i want to have a mind and heart that doesn't care or love him anymore.. that's my prayer...

Megan Devine on November 23, 2018:

Well after being cheated on by my husband of 7 years i finally moved on after years of depression. Met this great guy and been seeing him since may. All of sudden something told me to look in his phone and bam.... he has been humping his first cousin. His first cousin. He admits and says it only happened once but from her texts its been going on the entire time. Im disgusted. I just dont understand why i push everyone to cheat. Im back to depression again.

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He said he wanted to know what it was like to get a __ ___ from a man. Then somehow he started talking to this man's wife. I found the e-mail on his phone after it was a big joke between us about how I never look on his phone because I trust him. He said he never met the two but has been talking to them for 6 months. I'm just another brick in the wall out here and no different. I am traditional and don't believe in divorce. His dad is religious and my parents would be beside themselves. He's getting counseling and went to church yesterday. I'm walking around in a daze. I told him I don't love him. Money is a big issue for a divorce and also our dog would be a big issue. Go ahead read this and roll your eyes I just don't care anymore. You could run over my toes with a car and I would just look at you. I was happy with a new job and now after 9 years I get this. How does one get their mojo back? By the way, no one on here cares about their credit score right now. I don't want to mope around.

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6 Months ago a wrote on this wall how my life was falling apart because the man that I had been with for 16 years has been sleeping around and had been having numerous relationships from his assistant to plenty of woman on social media. I am now in the very good spiritual and emotional place. My kids and I have moved out and have our own place to call home and start over again and YES he is paying for all of it the cheat. This was one of the darkest 6 months of my life but my beacon of hope is shining brightly.

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Previouslyconned on October 05, 2018:

Hi

I was in a dark place due to me suspected my OH was cheating and read other ppls posts about getting evidence. You want that evidence to prove its not in your head. BUT there are ppl who make money out of vulnerable ppl like us.

All these hackers..frank or the other one are cons as I fell for them

They extort money out of you via overseas transfers (WU etc) to Nigeria and such forth, take your details and sell them. So ladies trust your gut instict and save your pennies is my advice. I lost 800 dollars in this scam.

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