There could be any number of reasons why a man might lose interest in his girlfriend or wife. However, it likely has very little to do with you and much more to do with the lack of excitement, thrill, passion, romance, and spontaneity in your relationship.
If you want to make sure that your relationship lasts, then you should familiarize yourself with the major reasons why men in relationships get bored so you will be able to find ways to prevent this from happening.
1. He Needs Space
While it may seem strange, there is such a thing as too much intimacy. When you first start dating someone and are still in the "honeymoon" period, it's natural to want to spend as much time as possible with your romantic partner. It's important to remember, though, that distance is key to making your relationship survive. Think of it this way: He can't miss you if you never leave. If you see each other 24 hours a day, then there is a strong possibility that your boyfriend or husband will get bored.
Solution: Create Healthy Space in Your Relationship
Everyone needs some time to themselves or time to spend with other friends or family. Realize that it's OK—and in fact good—for your boyfriend or husband to need space. Then, take the following steps to make sure that you both create healthy boundaries.
- Talk to your partner. Ask him how much space he wants and what kind of space he wants. Does he want an office or a "man cave" in the house where he can go when he wants some time alone? Or does he want a few nights a week to spend with his friends? Does he need to spend extra time at work or school because of some big deadlines? Whatever the reason is, the important thing is that you trust him.
- Take care of yourself. If you've been spending every waking hour with your partner, it's likely you've neglected yourself and the other important relationships in your own life. Reconnect with friends. Have a girls' night out on the evenings you'll be apart. Or you can focus on an exercise regimen: maybe you've always wanted to check out that yoga studio down the street? You can also explore a hobby. Whatever you choose to do should be enjoyable and good for you.
2. There's Another Woman
This is one of the major reasons why men get bored in their present relationship. If your man meets another desirable woman, then there is a great possibility that he will be drawn towards catching her interest. You may notice his restlessness as he thinks less about you.
Solution: Spice Up Your Relationship
Obviously, these solutions aren't fool-proof. You can't ensure he won't leave you for someone else. But if you take these suggestions, then there is a great chance his boredom won't cause his eye to wander.
- Create a "Fantasy Jar." Have you and your partner write out any fantasies you've had or anything you've ever wanted to try. Put them in a jar, and then the next time you're intimate, pick one and act it out.
- Break Sexual Scripts. Shake things up a bit. If you typically have hours-long sessions, then try a "quickie," or try different times of day. A little bit of spontaneity may just be the magic touch!
- Flirt. Leave salacious voice mails and text messages during the day to build anticipation for when you finally get to see each other that night.
- Make Out Like Teenagers. Be generous with hugs, kisses, caresses, even when it doesn't lead to intercourse. These kinds of touches can build affection and anticipation!
3. You're Always Fighting About Little Things
Irreconcilable differences are also among the major reasons that couples give up. Too many unnecessary arguments and fights that are triggered by small things—like him leaving the toilet seat up or you making commitments for him without asking first—can cause a lot of relationship stress. Being unable to resolve or negotiate your differences may also cause your man to want to spend time with friends or by himself instead of you.
If you want to save your relationship despite your unresolved differences and your regular fights, then you have to make sure that you learn how to communicate and you try to change yourself for the better. This does not mean that you should change everything about yourself. What you need to do is to make those changes that can transform you into a better person.
Solution: Find Better Communication Strategies
- Communicate Your Needs. It may seem obvious, but a lot of fights are caused because one person's needs aren't being met. If you can calmly communicate what you need from your partner, it will be easier for him to meet them - otherwise he'll just be left guessing in the dark.
- Listen. Again, it may seem obvious. But communicating to the other person that you've heard him is just as important as actually hearing him. Try reflecting back what your partner has said in your own words. Doing so will make him feel heard and will de-escalate the situation.
- "I" Statements. Make the argument less personal. Rather than saying, "Pick your clothes off the floor - you're so inconsiderate!", you should say instead, "I don't like coming home to find your clothes on the floor and wish you would make a point to hang them up instead." The goal is to minimize the negative impact of what you're saying.
- Separate Your Emotions From the Problem. The worst time to bring up a relationship issue is when you're angry or frustrated. Take care of your emotions first—maybe by venting your frustration to a friend or therapist—and try to calm down before you bring up the issue with your partner. That way you can focus on the actual problem at hand.
- Give Positive Feedback. Sit down and make a list of all the things you like about your partner. Then make a point of giving your partner positive feedback by expressing appreciation for the things you like about him. Doing so will build a solid foundation for the relationship that will make it easier to handle arguments.
4. He Thinks You Nag Too Much
Most men want to avoid women who nag excessively. At the start of any romantic relationship, most women make it a point to show to their partner that they are carefree and outgoing and may be willing to let certain things go. But as the relationship progresses and each depends more on the other, some nagging inevitably takes place.
No one likes to think of herself as a "nagger," but if you often think to yourself, "it's in one ear and out the other," then that might be a sign you've fallen into the trap of nagging.
Nagging can become a vicious cycle; it makes the "nagee" less generous and less inclined to help, which leads to more nagging since the nagger's needs aren't being met.
Even reminders or hints that are intended to be helpful could be perceived by your partner as nagging if they offend him. Your husband may interpret repeated reminders to pick up your kids from school at 3:00 as evidence you think he's incompetent or doesn't care about his kids.
Solution: Rethink the Way You Communicate Frustration
If you want to get yourself and your partner out of the nagging rut, then try taking these steps.
- Be Brief. Lecturing makes your partner feel attacked and defensive - which will likely make him tune out. State what you need to in as succinct a manner as possible.
- Avoid Ultimatums. These usually come out of heightened emotions. It's unlikely that you actually want to end a relationship over a toilet seat that was left up. Giving ultimatums can escalate the situation and, when made too frequently, can stop having an effect.
- Avoid "Always," "Never," and "Should." Saying "You always . . . " or "You never . . . "is very likely to escalate the situation by making your partner feel defensive. Focus on the particular problem you're facing now.
- Brainstorm Solutions to Common Problems. If clutter is a sticking point for you two, then it might be worth the money to hire a housekeeper to come by once or twice a week.
- Positive Reinforcement. Show appreciation when your husband does the things you ask for. Letting him know that you notice and appreciate his efforts make him more likely to keep doing it.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2013 iMedia
kterbo on January 19, 2019:
Teresa ....OMG. Honey please have some self esteem, self confidence. Do not get your worth and value from anyone you date. I hope like heck you have the strength to leave that man.
You broke sooo many rules in your dating description. Never give someone money you are dating, never even think twice about it. A long term husband yes, a guy you are dating no!!
Never care what they are doing with their time. Get interested in something else. If he wanted to play x-box who cares, you caring says you are placing too much of your happiness in another person.
So what if he is a good father, he can love his kiddos but not be healthy for you. I am sure you were doing too much hanging on, if a man loves a woman he will #1 pursue her, #2 honor her, # 3 try to please her......he will respect woman move... the more space you give him.
Just like the first rule in this article. SPACE is good,...when he is bad, space when he is bored, and permanent space if he cheated.
Let go of the fantasy and face the facts, he is not in love with you. no you can't try to win him,... if he loves you he will try to win you. Work on your own self interest. Peace
SuAn on October 19, 2018:
Excellant!! I have been married for decades to a very interesting highly intelligent person who had an extremely damaging childhood. I took advantage of him and he took advantage of me. He deeply loves our children and family in spite of his incest driven boredom. At the death of the perpetrator he has found peace and joy. He deserves to be treated as well as a very very good friend. You don’t plotz on one such as this.
Hastings1957 on September 20, 2018:
Number 1 Rule for couples is to L I K E the person you are with. It's hard to be bored with someone you really like. Be a good and interesting friend.
Another rule, anywhere in the line up.... is focus on a "value added" relationship. Assuming of course that you're both able to provide for your selfish wants by your self then any relationship you choose to be in should provide what you can't provide for yourself (like love, companionship, passion/desire/spontaneity, humor, affection, caring...).
I will end this very abbreviated list of values with a strong suggestion that you find and stick with someone that you like to try to put a smile in their heart and that special person delights in trying to do the same for you. Move everything out of the way of achieving this most important ambition.
Teresa on February 22, 2018:
I have a very strange situation, been with the same man for over 2 years. I love him dearly and he is a great man, wonderful father and a very loving person.
Every night after work he is on his xbox with other grown men playing and talking together, i am not a gamer. That has been a huge thing for me, but he works a very demanding job, so I really don't have any right to gripe.
A few months ago I found out that he had a brief affair, he swears it was emotional and not physical. So to say I have a few trust issues is small to say....
This is where it gets confusing for him, I've turned in some gold and have it in an account that I have not touched. I also have not given him in info to transfer it into his bank account and add me to his account. Im terrified now that with all the time I've spent alone during our relationship, and with how I feel at the moment that I won't be able to test him with that. And money is a big issue. He works fulltime, I'm out of work, first from an injury at work and surgery and now to chemo, I have 3 treatments left.
There is little effort on his part, and I've tried speaking to him about it. He can be very selfish and I get that.
I am a few years older and I used to be selfish, so I do get that. But the money in my account is not something I want to spend on power tools and fixing up a new truck I do not drive. I do not wish to go shopping for his boys and try to compete with their mom who gives them everything. I saved that for retirement and for an emergency.
I read shit like this and read how I have to change to keep him. To make him happy.....since when is being in a relationship responsible only to 1 person? Since when should I have to change who I am to make him happy? Shouldn't it be both who are working together to be happy?
Mizunoman on December 12, 2017:
As a man who has not had sex with his wife for years, provided everything, sorts everything out when it goes wrong, I need to know the answer as why does that lovely looking women suddenly turn into a boring old dragon, who does not take pride in her appearance any more, does not do anything sexy anymore, loves the words “can’t be bothered “ , I have worked hard for years giving her everything she needs, have encouraged her to have her own space, even encouraged her to have some fun elsewhere , but it is like talking to a brick wall, promise after promise after promise but not one bit of effort in five years !!!
Blue on November 12, 2015:
I don't like that most of the pictures paint to woman as doing something wrong. Most suggestions are things that the woman needs to change... even when he is looking at other women. Takes 2 people for a relationship to work.
Jessica on July 04, 2015:
Thank you for this article. Unlike most other articles I've come across on this topic, this one is actually helpful! :)