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Just Because She Got a Baby by Him Don't Mean Nothing . . . or Does It?

Updated on July 30, 2017
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Baby Mama Drama!

Oooh, this subject makes my head hurt simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has Baby Mama Drama. It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle is the director in this soap opera. But some men just don't take that job seriously enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.

Most men tend to fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to making sure everyone knows their place in his world. He just rather let the chips fall where they may instead of just being honest with everybody. Let them make the decision to stay or go. It's only one person involved in this whole situation that has no say so whatsoever and in the end this man in the middle should always choose his child. If the new woman in his life cannot except the fact that he has a child, then she needs to kick rocks. Nobody should ever come between a parent and their child.

Honesty Is A Requirement

The man is and always will be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties. He has to respect both parties. Hle has to be open with both parties. He also has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.

The most common mistake that a man dealing with Baby Mama Drama makes is he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Just by him going there with her, it sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore.

Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with, that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child. He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end.

He Needs to Tell Her the Truth

He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument. But that's not all.

This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so therefore she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (including who they're with.) So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway, because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what happens next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken interest in another.

Hold on — he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye (and believe me all men know the "eye"). But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.

How To Gain An Impenetrable Trust

Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having Baby Mama Drama. I had no feelings for him at the time. I just knew that was the first thing that I crossed out on my, 'I need a man list,' No Baby Mamas! This man had a couple. Long story short, he made me go oooh-wee, and things changed for the both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this.

Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas, with me right next to him. He would put these women on speaker phone. He did this just so I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this that one time. This man did this every time they called his phone. Just by him doing that, it opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.

My Advice To The Women Involved With Men With Children

There are rules and boundaries that you cannot cross when dealing with a man who has a child with another woman. Be mindful that if you're truly planning on making a life with this man, you have to respect his child's mother. She may not like you, but as long as you're showing her the respect of being the mother of his child then her hate for you will prove worthless. How can you hate someone who respects you?

This advice that I'm about to give will be hard for some to grasp. Those who have strong wills and cool heads will receive this advice as it is. When it comes to your man dealing with his child's mother on matters concerning their child, it is at your best interest to stay out of it. Your relationship is with him, not Baby Mama. You and your man can discuss the issues concerning both Baby Mama and child, but he must handle his issues with both alone.

If you find out he's still having sex with Baby Mama, you let him go immediately. Unless you're into sharing your man. I hate to tell you this, but if you found out that you man has slept with his Baby Mama while the two of you have been together, it will not stop. Those ties have yet to be severed and they won't be until either of them are ready to do it. It's nothing that you can do to make them stop. One of them have to say enough is enough.

Some men feel that once a woman gives birth to his child, she belongs to him forever.

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      Rshtaw@yahoo.com 10 days ago

      Hello

      I had been single for two years not even wanting a relationship. My friend wanted me to go on a double date with these men from out of town. I was not sure but I told her I would. He ended up calling me and I decided to go out with him. We hit it off the moment we met as if we knew each other for years. So he was scheduled to leave back home two weeks after we met. The last week he was here we stay together the whole time . When talked about alot of things we said we would keep in touch here n there cool. Then he went home we talked all the time on the phone falling asleep everything. He told me I needed to call him more an everything then he started flying me everywhere he went . I felt like he was my sole mate I never felt that way about anyone. He never had a women like me. So before he came back here the last time I guess he ex got in contact to let them know he had a baby with her. Mind you he had became a changed man with a vision also more eye candy. (Me of coarse) They had a bad break up n he lost everything. So now he got his job n new car looking cool and happy she came back saying she wanted to raise the baby in a twi parent household he thought about it and said they should. Me being a women said How can I be mad at that I mean whatever. We were friends first ao why

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      Feelinghurt 4 weeks ago

      Here's my story my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and it's been a long distance relationship I live five hours away. On august 12 I drove to NC to see him from AL. He lives in SC but was working in NC. Saturday was amazing he got off work was tired there were no phone calls it was just us. We had the best sex ever that night. But Sunday he came in from work his back was hurting so I told him to sit in front of me so I could rub his back. I'm the process of rubbing his back his baby mama called at first she was talking about the child and that was really ok with me then she changed the topic to her problems at work and spoke to him for about an hour or more. During his conversation he put it on speaker and I heard a portion of it. I kinda felt disrespected and hurt because the call lasted so long. Later I expressed the fact that the conversation hurt my feelings. And I told him I was ok when it was about the child but when it changed to being about her. I told him he should have told her he had something to take car and told her he would talk to her later. He completely went off on me and told me to never bring up his baby mama and what they talked about again and that he was not gone go back and forth with no female. Which is not what I was trying to do all I wanted him to know was how it made me feel and explained to him I was not disrespecting his baby mama or trying to make him angry when I told him about my feelings and he still got angry. I don't understand why he responded like that and was I wrong for bringing it up. But I haven't heard from him since then.

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      Hi Im Jacky 5 weeks ago

      OK here's my long story so brace yourselves. I met this guy about 8 months ago and we hit it off like a house on fire. I fell deep and hard for him. OK I got pregnant with in 3 months of us dating. It is a long distance relationship so i saw him every weekend. His mother had called asking to speak to me so he gave me his cell phone , after i spoke to her an SMS came in from a strange number but it was a long message about how she was tired of his lies, and he kept telling her he would come break up with me but he never did. I asked him who she was and he told me that she was an ex who wouldnt let things go. OK that weekend past and he went back. Apearantly the moment he left my place he went to her so they could talk and they were back together. When he came for the weekend is when i found out that she was also pregnant by him , just one mont ahead of me. I was crushed!! I started screaming and shouting at him he just sat on the bed looking at me with a blank look on his face and started apologizing on his knees. I was broken , theres another woman also pregnant with his baby , also his first baby. She knew about me all this time when her and I spoke. She told me everything. They got into a relationship one day before him and I did, and all this time he spend the week with her and the weekends with me. Now he kept sleeping with her behind my back and she was OK with that. She wanted to chat with me but guess it was only to find out how things were between him and I. Recently he told me that he wanted to take a break becouse the situation he created was too much to bare and that I needed time to sort himself out. I said ok but later she contacted me saying that appearantly he had told her that him and i broke up. Which wasnt true because he told her that since they were in the process of hooking back up. Now we are still together , she is giving birth in November and I am giving birth in December and I suspect that the two of them are still chatting behind my back. I dont know what to do

    • tarkishat profile image
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      tarkishat 6 weeks ago

      Hi The Rational Woman,

      If you read my hub you can see that I was at the time that I wrote this hub, the girlfriend of a man who had Baby Mama Drama. I have since revised this hub, because now I am a Baby Mama myself. I get it on both ends. The Baby Mama does deserve some respect, because she is the mother of his child. If you love the man, you should love the child as well. By loving the child, you should respect the child's mother. Now if the Child's mother is just all kinds of disrespectful, then and only then does she forfeits any kind of respect that was owed to her. Some BM still hold strong feelings for their Baby Daddy. That's why she will not let him live in peace. Then there are some Babymamas that are just money hungry guttersnipes. I get it. I am not biased, by any means. I just have respect for each situation. The man I am with has 4 Babymamas. Three of his kids are grown now. His last child's mother and I get along great. We even exchange gifts. I have one Baby Daddy and he does nothing for my child. He put himself on Child Support and is behind a year. I'm not looking for him because my child is well taken care of. I have a view from both ends and if the man handles his affairs the right way, a lot of Baby Mama Drama will not even exists. Go deeper into your situation and I will provide you with the best advice that I have to offer, like I do for all of the wonderful ladies that comment on this hub. Thanks for commenting! Girl I know this situation can get extremely frustrating. Fill me in and let's discuss it.

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      Shery 6 weeks ago

      My name is sherry.. basically me and my husband have been together over 6 years. Well he has his baby mama on fb and she still has pictures of them, which she posted while we were married and i was pregnant. Also just old comments on the pictures saying i was trying to "trap" him.. well long story shorter he was only with her fpr a few months after high school and she got pregnant. He then met me and eventually told me about her but all she was was a "baby mama". The first few years of our marriage was hard because she wouldnt leave him be. Calling crying sending pics etc.. we did split up for about a year or two because i was in the millitary and i found out he took my daughter to his baby mama house while i was overseas. Well we have reconcilled but she has me on fb now and she constantly posts sublominal posts.. in my mind.. such as when we have her daughter she is emotional. Also she decides when we get their child and is constantly calling or viedo calling while she is here. She is pregnant with her 3 child (all different dads) but i am suspecting it is my husbands child (second with her). I think this because when i finally came to pick up hia daughter it took about 40 mins there and back. He was taking an hour or more before i knew where she lived. Also when he goes to drop off their child she always dresses up and posta pictires on facebook. One time she was dressed up and didnt know i was coming. Usually of i come she doesnt dress up. I am just wondering am i beimg crazy or is this not normal? Someone please give me advice! Thank you!!!!!!

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      The Rational Woman 7 weeks ago

      You have a few good points, but this is so biased it's sickening. You have Baby Mamas who hold grudges years after their separation and use the court system to lie and make extra money to splurge. Her motives is to make me leave him because he she always run to the court house to take all of his hard earned money. I understand the laws of a woman scorned but girl, this Heffa is on another level. They both were equally at fault. She just don't want to see him happy at all with a new woman. Well, I can talk forever about the situation, which I'm not. I just feel like Baby Mamas get so much praise but, deep down most of them are scheming because they have children.

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      Lezzisa Brooks 8 weeks ago

      What about if he posts pictures of them as in him his baby, and baby mama? And the when I say something he say "why are you acting like that when my child is in the picture" and she's in his cover photo on Facebook. Idk what to do.

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      Kou Larkpor 2 months ago

      Thank you so much for responding. I just needed to know, that I am NOT crazy, and that I am NOT bitter. That I have every right to feel the way that I do. Sometimes, I get manipulated into thinking that I am over reacting in regards to this whole situation, because I have not gained any closure from him. I don't know what I am expecting, if it's a full blown confession followed by an apology, I have to remember who I am dealing with. But thank you, it makes me feel good, hearing that I am not wrong for feeling the way I have, coming from another woman. I appreciate you, my daughter and i are doing wonderful through the grace of God. God bless you and continue doing what you are doing, it really helps. Thanks for your advice.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Kou Larkpor,

      Guuurrrlll! You have been through it! That chick was crazy and she would not be around my child either. So you are definitely not wrong for that. She may try to pinch your baby or something. I don't trust her either. You and your ex need to come up with some visitation plans where he comes to visit his daughter at your house. Maybe? He could come and pick her up to take her to the park, McDonald's or Chuckie Cheese. He has to work that sh*t out. Does that chick have to be with him to go see his daughter? No. Why would he even want a messy female like that? You would think she had a baby by him the way she was acting. He just couldn't keep his stick out of her lady pond. You did right, Let that headache go. That chick could've had you in jail. When you said that she went inside the house and closed the door. I would've called my Mama and told her to get bail money ready. I'm glad you've moved on and hopefully you've found someone better. Don't take that hurt into your next relationship, because all men don't roll like that. Tell him up front what you will and will not tolerate. If he truly cares for you, nothing can pull him away from you. Baby Daddy was wack-a-doodle doo, them two birds deserve each other. I wish you and your daughter nothing but the best. Thanks for commenting!

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      Kou Larkpor 2 months ago

      I'll will try to fit the rest into this comment...so if you've read my last comment, you are already aware of some of the incidents I've been through with the "other" female. Disrespectful messages, physical altercations,...she had called me that same day she had made her second appearance, after messaging me. I answered because I didn't know who it was at first, but it turned out to be her. She felt the need to tell me more about their mess. She even made it a point to express how he's selfish, and all he cares about is getting his d**k wet. How she was his "dream girl." Said she was coming to me "woman to woman." But my question was and still is, how do you spend so much time, trying to belittle another woman, basically trying to convince her that the same guy you are fighting over, is no good when you are the main one causing all of the problems? Now let me just say this, this was not just her fault.. the main person at fault was him. He was lying, probably telling her one thing and telling me another, being sneaky...and so forth. But in my opinion, the way she chose to handle the situation was totally disworthy of being a "woman." For her to even come after me, and cause all of that drama, for what? A coward? Look who's calling the kettle black. Moving along, I dealt with that situation by hitting him so hard in his face. That was the first time I ever put my hands on someone like that. Let alone him. I wanted to love him, as I loved my daughter...I wanted to trust him...but I couldn't. I settled and settled with this man for a whole year and a half, tolerating disrespect and inconsideration. I finally decided that it was time for me to leave and move on with my life. There was too much going on, and after a whole year and a half of not fully trusting him, I was tired. I was tired of it all. Not a day went by that I didn't think of the shit that I went through on his behalf. No woman, especially the mother of your children, or your woman should have to be disrespected like that. And when I thought about it, he never defended me, not once when it came to that female disrespecting me. That's how I knew, he didn't respect or love me. I found my own apartment, and me and my daughter, then 4 years old moved out. It wasn't long, before I found out through a family member, that he was involved with that same female again. The one who went out of her way to do the most...I was so hurt, because out of all the women in the world, it had to be her. I wasn't hurt because he had moved on, I was hurt because he had spit in my face. It made me question if he even cared about me and our child because he allowed a female that had tried everything to get me out of the picture, back in his life. And my daughter comes with me, she is a part of me. I was angry...but what could I do. I couldn't stop him from making continuously stupid decisions in the past, I couldn't stop him now. But one thing that I absolutely wouldn't allow, was for this female to be ANYWHERE near my child. Why would I? All of the things she's done, all of the disrespect, her envious of the fact that this man even has a child with me? Why would I? I had done nothing to her. And still, she tried everything in her power to sabotage me. I wasn't going to let her think that everything was good and dandy. I didn't want my daughter around somebody like that because I knew I would never be on good terms with her. I knew that if that's who my daughter's father settled for, I couldn't keep her away from him, I didn't want to, and I didn't try to. I could've done all the shit she tried to do me out of spite, but I'm not that type of woman. I wasn't ready for her to be around my daughter, for her to even think or pretend or for anyone to think for one second that my daughter was hers since I would be absent. The thought disgusted me. She tried to apologise to me via Facebook, but her apology was tainted and 2 years expired. I guess since she got what she wanted, everything was all good. Nope. Her apology was filled with excuses. She didn't woman up like she thought she did. And his apology..wait, what apology? Never got one. Because he's the type of person who doesn't like to own up to his wrong. I've been feuding with him for awhile now over not wanting her around my daughter. But I don't blow up his phone, or knock on his door, or try to ruin his relationship. I don't bother him and I've tried to be civil with him. I'm not the crazy Baby mama, SHE is, with no baby lol.

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      Kou Larkpor 2 months ago

      Hi, I've been reading your blog, and although it's been a long time since I've encountered any baby mama drama with anyone, this particular topic stuck to me. Not because I have baby mama drama, because I AM a mother or a "baby mama," but on the opposite end. I wasn't and am not the drama. I was hoping I could share my story with you, in hopes of viewing things in another light. Brace yourself. When I met my daughter's father, we hit it off right away, messing around every so often, with no strings attached. It was always mutual. He did his thing and I did my thing, but we would see each other regularly. We continued to mess around from time to time. We had never thought or talked about getting into a relationship until my daughter was about 2 years old. I felt comfortable because we always had a calm and mellow connection despite not being together and I thought he was a decent person. About a month after discussing our relationship status, I received a message on Facebook from a female who I was not familiar with. In the message, she introduced herself, and stated how she had been and was his girlfriend of 3 years. She also mentioned my daughter, how beautiful she was, and so on. How she wasn't going anywhere and so forth. I felt like the way she approached me was disrespectful in a sense. And to top it off, I was COMPLETELY lost, mentally unconscious. I had NEVER in my life heard about this female. Like she just came out of nowhere. And for her to know so much about me..was mind boggling. I was hurt, upset and confused. Wondering how I was going to address this issue with my child's father. At the time, I was so disgusted, because I found out about all of this the very same day I had went to his new apartment for the first time, only to find out that she had already been there before me based on what she had told me. She also went out of her way to tell me how he's embarrassed of me. I mean, I had NEVER done anything to this man to be an embarrassment to him, let alone for this female to feel like she had the right to address me in that way let me know that she was in fact upset, and envious of me. That whole time he was smiling in my face as if he was a pure soul. As if he had no secrets to hide. He knew that whole time. I felt betrayed, lead on, stabbed in the back, every word to describe pain and anger. I was furious inside. I waited until I got home to confront him. In all honesty, I didn't know what to say. He poorly tried to defend himself instead of just addressing the issue and talking about it like a grown man on what his intentions were. Coward move. I'm sorry, I know this is long, bare with me....fast forward a few weeks later, and we still weren't on the best of terms because of that. I was more hurt than anything. Eventually we talked very lightly about the situation, he expressed to me that she was an "Ex," from his past, and that she was angry because they were exiting the relationship. So I left it at that, and tried not to think about it too much. We tried to resume our relationship in progress, and be involved with our child. Not too long afterwards, I get ANOTHER message in my inbox from the girl, this time she came at me with disrespect on level 10. We exchanged words, because I felt like she was trying to bully me for whatever reason, and she knew nothing about me..so I decided to defend myself. And it didn't stop there, with threats of coming to my residence and so forth. Her sister even joined in. I immediately contacted my daughter's father, and let him know of the drama that had been stirring up. Now, I don't know what this man did to disfuse the situation, or if he even did...all I know is a month after that, we were at his apartment ( me, my daughter, him and his son from a past relationship), I was out on the porch with the kids, he was inside on his game with the door open, and the next thing you know, this same female comes walking up the stairs, looks at us as she walked straight in his apartment, and shut the door behind her. Very disrespectful. At that point, my mind was all over the place. I knew something was going to happen. I could feel my blood starting to boil. I got up, because in that moment, I was helping his son tie his shoe. I walked up to the door and opened it to see her standing over him, the controller still in his hand, with a blank look on his face. I asked him what she was doing there, and that she didn't need to be there and that she needed to leave. She then began to shit in her mouth ( meaning she had a lot of sexually inappropriate things to say) all while the children were near by and could hear everything. We exchanged words and he got in between us. All I can remember after that, is her reaching over him in an attempt to put her hands on me, and me grabbing her by her hair and using my fist to pound on her temple. Next thing I know, I see him tussling with her and both of them falling into things in an attempt to restrain her. All of this happened in front of the kids. Not to mention my daughter, who was barely two years old, screaming and crying because she knew something wasn't right. Even that wasn't enough to convince her that she needed to leave. She stuck around standing in his face begging and pleading with him and asking him if he really wanted to be with me. I was distraught. Adrenaline still pumping, I went outside and grabbed my cup full of juice and alcohol, walked inside the apartment, and splashed the whole drink in her face and threw the cup at her. She then attempted to charge at me and he got in the middle again, knocking me to the floor in an attempt to restrain her. I got up and walked to my daughter, still screaming and crying. I picked her up and walked away, not aware that someone had already called the police. One of the officers made contact with me, saw that I was upset, I was crying, and automatically suspected me. I told them what had happened, and they had me and my daughter wait in the police car while they went to address the situation. While sitting in there, I felt weak...I had just gotten out of a toxic situation with my previous relationship, only to be in another drama filled relationship full of secrets and lies. I felt like my daughter was a victim too. They had her leave, and I proceeded to walk back towards the apartment after it was all over with, crossing paths with him ( my daughter's father) And he had the nerve to ask me if I was "Ok." Boy if the words that came out of my mouth weren't hot enough to burn shit down.....i thought I knew him.. thought he was this kind, good man. But he was just a selfish, secretive, greedy man. It took a lot of time, and partial healing for me to even be in the same room with him. And even after all that, the drama still continued. This SAME female would show up at his apartment yet ANOTHER time, this time with it being just me and my daughter. He was at work. Just when I thought it was all over and done with. She knocked on the door, and after seeing that it was her, I decided not to open it to avoid conflict of any kind, especially with the last situation involving my daughter. She continued to knock..so I called him while he was at work and went sour on him. He acted as though he was clueless and couldn't find any reason as to why she had randomly showed up yet AGAIN at his residence. I told him that when he got back home, that I wanted to leave and that I didn't want to try anymore because of this continuous mess. Not long after ending the call with him, I receive a text message from a strange number.. and you can guess who it was. Yep, that low life bitch. In the message she said how they were still messing around and that he had previously been over her place and how she had even gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage! That tore me down because he had told me that she was kind of envious of the fact that we had a child together, because she had wanted a DAUGHTER with him. I ignored the urge to respond because at this point, I'm thinking this bitch must be really desperate. To be continued..

    • tarkishat profile image
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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Judy,

      Your boyfriend is in a tough situation. How old are the kids? If they are under 15, he should look into moving close to them. I know that's asking a lot, but seriously, that's the only way he can handle this situation head on. If he can't move the kids out there where he is, then how else is he suppose to handle this situation. She's mentally unstable and the kids are out of control. If he can't fully move near them, he has to go and check on things. In the end his kids' welfare should mean more to him than you or baby mama. He has to go and check on his kids. That's the only way he's going to know for sure that they're okay. Message back the kids ages and if there is a problem preventing him from going to visit his kids.

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      Lucy Dubs 2 months ago

      This happened 6 days ago, i am trying to get over it. An the party is a great idea we will do that we all need closure but wasn't sure how to go about it. I can not take him back ever i don't want my girls to think its ok. Thank you so much for your response

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      Judy 2 months ago

      Hi, i need some advice. My boyfriend recently has a baby mama drama. They've been together for 24 yrs, on and off for the last 4yrs and officially broke up just over a year ago. She had a new boyfriend, following this she drew the line between them and they never talked about anything else apart from her asking what time he would be sending her the kids' allowance. (He sends CSA regularly, but sometimes he does it late in the day after work)

      Now that me and my boyfriend got on, his kids told their mum about me and him and ever since that, she's started communicating with him but mostly about CSA, and she also told him that she is happy for him, and him wishing her well about her relationship as well. By the way, boyfriend and I are living in a different country from the baby mama and their kids.

      Not so later then, the baby mama's attitude towards my boyfriend quickly changed into an enraged one as she's accusing him of slagging her off to their kids and her friends which i swear to God he did not do as i read most of his messages for him and he shows me his responses too. He doesn't want to call her apart from important matters regarding the kids as their conversations would always end up in a heated arguments. And also he doesn't want to lose composure when they communicate thru calls if an argument is gonna arise. I keep reminding him to be calm and not give in to the temptation of arguments especially when the kids could hear them.

      At times, she's sending him random pictures from the internet and messages about her problems at work and her recently concluded relationship that he only ignores because he believes it has nothing to do with him anymore.

      Until couple of weeks ago the baby mama sends him a message that she wanted to kill herself and one of the kids saw her slitting her wrists. She didn't go through it completely because "it's painful". Now he's worried about how his ex is acting and he's been restless and anxious as she torments him with countless messages and provocations that has really affected their children which is under her care. One of the kids started to use illegal drugs and it seriously wrecked him to the point he's been sleepless already but he can't immediately leave for home just because he doesn't want to compromise our forthcoming holiday.

      He calls his kids frequently, dress them down as necessary, and remind them to become responsible young adults and help out and essentially not be a headache to their mum. Other than that he texts her that he can no longer do anything about enforcing her house rules in HER house and from thousands of miles away.

      Until now she keeps on texting him day and night like complaining about the kids being lazy but he ignores her texts and talks to the kids and only to them. She will not allow him to go on a holiday to meet me. She does not cooperate in looking for their old passports and acquiring new ones. She complains to him that she's been sick and the kids are out and she couldn't find them thru phone and he feels helpless because what can he do about it when he's several time zones away, and the same as her couldn't even reach the kids' phones too.

      Now I'm really worried for him because all the drama with the baby mama is seriously affecting him on his performance at work and even his relationship with the people around us. He's off his game and he's been pushing people away apart from me. I wish I could help. But in what way? I feel like she's calling for his attention and is using the kids to get what she wants but i can't talk like that as these are only my assumptions. Help.

      Ps.

      Boyfriend and I have issues too. I'm chronic depressed. He's a little antisocial and coping after years of therapy.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Lucy,

      I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I would be completely devastated as well. Did he even say why he did that? That is wrong on so many levels. He does not get a pass from me. It was you who forced him to be a father to his daughter and that's the thanks you get. It's okay, the sun will still rise in the morning and he will have to live with how he treated you forever. You did nothing wrong. You were just being a good girlfriend and your kindness was taken for granted. When his Baby Mama get tired of him, he'll come back knocking on your door. Maybe with her he doesn't have to be responsible for anything. He had responsibilities when he was with you. Things he had to work towards and strive for. With her it could be a fly by the seat of your pants kind of thing. This still doesn't make it right. I don't know how long ago this happened, but you have to stop questioning why he did what he did. His decision had nothing to do with you, but it had everything to do with him being a selfish you know what. You lucked out, because he showed you who he was before you walked down the aisle. You and your kids don't deserve being treated that way, but you all must move on. The longer you keep wondering how could he do that, the least amount of time you all are spending having a good time. Here's an idea, gather the kids together and have a party. Just you and your kids. Get balloons, streamers, party snacks, cake and ice cream. Have written on the cake Goodbye whatever his name is. Have a Good Riddance Party. Say your goodbyes and blow out the candles. From that day forward you will only focus on you and your kids living the best life possible. You should take a picture of you with a huge smile on your face along side the cake and post that on facebook. The party is to take something bad and turn it into something fun for you and the kids. It's not good for them to see you sad either. This is such a sucky situation, but You can't take this hurt into your next relationship. All men are not like this, so leave that in the past. I hope that you can move on from this. I wish you and your kids nothing but the best. Thanks for commenting!

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      Lucy Dubs 2 months ago

      My fiance left our 2 year relationship, to work things out with his daughters mom. Got up and left and was already living with her the next day. Before that i was the one who pushed him to be in his daughters life. We Took a trip to visit her and 3 days later he was already living with her. We had wedding plans, he wante to have baby, fixing our credit to buy a house. We got our intials tattooed on our wedding finger. We spent so much time with the kids and son he had with another person. I excepted his kids like they where mine. My kids got attached to him. Now that he's gone everyone is devistated. He struggled with alcohol problem that we all delt with. Posting on facebook now how happy he is with his daughter and how pretty the mom is. How can he just get up and go?

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi MichelleM,

      I'm sorry for the late reply. Honey you have been through it with these trifling men, haven't you? My goodness. Let me not call them men, instead I will call them what they are. Little Boys! Only a man can stand by his woman to watch his Baby and make sure the mother is well taken care of. That's the problem. He doesn't want to be there, so you have to move on. I know it's hard, but I wouldn't want anything to do with him if he changed his mind tomorrow. You deserve better than that. You will never find out why he left you to go with a chick that don't even know who the father of her child is. Only he knows why he made that dumb decision, but don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure it was nothing you did. You busting his windows out was not right, but if he truly love you he would forgive you for that. I don't understand that type of behaviour at all. Put child support on him and keep it moving. Take you time next time you get into a relationship, your children rely on you to make the best decision for all of y'all. The man you are truly looking for is waiting on you. You will know he is the man for you by his actions and his willingness to take on your issues as if they were his. Do away with the little boys. You're 22 with grown folks responsibilities, you have to move on and stay strong for your kids. He is not worth a tear, a thought, a mention or a phone call. He's not thinking about you so why even care about the crap he's gotten himself into. Chuck them deuces and tell that fool when he wakes up you'll be gone. You have to stay focused on you and those kids. You're all they got. Trust me, there are truly better days ahead. Stay prayed up and stay driven on being the best mother to your babies. In the end that's all that truly matters. I wish you and those little ones the very best. Thanks for commenting.

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      Luci 2 months ago

      Hi my name is lucy,

      My fiance left our 2 year relationship, to work things out with his daughters mom. Got up and left and was already living with her the next day. Before that i was the one who pushed him to be in his daughters life. We Took a trip to visit her and 3 days later he was already living with her. We had wedding plans, he wante to have baby, fixing our credit to buy a house. We got our intials tattooed on our wedding finger. We spent so much time with the kids and son he had with another person. I excepted his kids like they where mine. My kids got attached to him. Now that he's gone everyone is devistated. He struggled with alcohol problem that we all delt with. Posting on facebook now how happy he is with his daughter and how pretty the mom is. How can he just get up and go?

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      MichelleM 2 months ago

      Hi my name is Michelle. I am currently pregnant with my second child and this is my second baby dad. Well let me jump right into I'm only 22 I had my first daughter my senior year in highschool and my child's father left us and I haven't heard from him in 4 years I mean nothing at all. I met my new child's father through my first cousin which is married to his first cousin and he was like the best thing that ever happened to me. He loved my daughter like she was his and I thought he also loved me. In March of this year I caught him at his house with I was 5 months pregnant then with this girl who was also pregnant she was 8 months pregnant I couldn't believe it. From there he cut me all the way off and now has continued an relationship with her. Once I got home that day I saw that she was in a relationship with a whole different guy for 3 years and also was still in this same relationship around the time she got pregnant. I asked my child father did he know during the little time I did have contact with did he know in so many words he said yes I said what the hell and you're claiming this baby! He didn't reply he blocked me from then on. The girl had her baby in May and guess what it looks excatly like her ex I mean excatly but guess what it's a Jr. After my ex and my ex claims the baby he also claims mine to people but it's just not any contact but I didn't do anything to him other than busting out his window that day because I was hurt and he put me out his house and said mean things about me like I'm broke and called me a childish bitch and all kinds of hoes but he knows I was only sleeping with him. I was so in love with him and he's even went as far as saying I got pregnant on purpose. I made a couple post on my social media and he always seems to find out but I never mention his name but he gets so offended and calls himself telling my cousin so she will get involve but I'm just like can I not vent I'm hurt and no one seems to want to listen like just get him out your mind or how can you chose a man over your kids. And I'm like I'm just hurt I'm not choosing him over my kids I'm hurt. And idk what do or what caused this he left me to go through a pregnancy alone again and he knows what happened the first time with my first child's father and not only that raise a second child on my own by myself as a single mother he knows all this and I just don't understand how selfish he could be and just moved on with someone else that he doesn't even know if the child belongs to him or not. I'm trying to understand this behavior but I can't I'm due in 2 weeks and he still hasn't reached out to me I just don't understand.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Christina,

      You say you believe that the two of you are made for each other? Well him having a kid by someone else, while the two of you are together will have me thinking otherwise. But if you all talked it out and you chose to stay with him, then you have to be strong and accept this for what it is. This was really big of you to forgive him for not only cheating, but also getting a chick pregnant. Girl you have all of the confidence in the world. He has to be a very supportive man, mentally, physically and financially to be worth holding on to. I understand how that type of man can be hard to let go of, after waiting so long for him. Let's be real. You're not going anywhere. So just stand by your man and be a great Stepmother to that baby when it gets here.

      Now I'm about to tell you the advice I would give to myself. I'm done. You and that chick can go raise that baby you made together. I don't deserve this and I will not take myself through this. I deserve a man that will love only me. Not me, Pattie and Norma Lee. There are way too many men out here to be disrespected like this.

      No matter which way you look at this, it was the ultimate disrespect. He slept with this chick without any protection, so he didn't think of your safety at all. He got her pregnant and now you all as a couple have to support her and that child. He's dumping a lot in your lap and all he came with is an apology? Okay.

      You're the only one that can make the decision to stay or go. Do what's right for you, because this is your life to live.

      Thanks for commenting! I pray all goes well.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Thanks Anonymous!

      I'm so happy that you have that extra support from your husband. I'm sure everything will be great for you all. Your kid has all they need right now. Later your Child will want to get to know their father and let the child make that decision when the time comes. I will have to go through that as well and we're dreading the day. My son is only 5 years old.

      Lol! I'm far from a Pro. I can just put myself in your situation and only give you the advice that I would give myself. Thanks again for commenting! I wish you all nothing but the best

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      Anonymous 2 months ago

      Thanks for the great advice I'm a young mother an I really have been dealing with this situation for years so your advice was well needed and most importantly I shouldn't worry because I have a husband that cares for my child an he really want me to leave the situation alone. I just needed a professional opinion on what I should do thanks so much.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Anonymous,

      I'm sure this is a frustrating situation, but you can't make someone do what they are supposed to do. It sucks for him, because I'm sure he has a wonderful kid with nothing but love to give him. Leave him alone and when he's ready to be a father, it will be too late. Good thing you're getting child support, otherwise he would be totally worthless. I know as women we want our children to have both parents in their lives, but sometimes it doesn't work out like that. We have to pick up the slack and wear both hats. You will be just fine without him. What hurts is when we tell our kids that the other parent is on there way over to pick them up and they never show up. That's what hurts kids the most and make them feel unwanted. Move on and don't contact him anymore. Give him what he wants. Your kid is better off without him I'm sure. You shouldn't have to beg a father to be a father. That's ridiculous.

      As for his wife handling everything. She can't keep him from being a father to his child and she can't make him be a father to his child either. That's his choice, not hers. Being a parent to your child should come automatically. There's no one in this world that can keep me from being a parent to my child. She is not the problem. He is, because he doesn't want to be a man and take care of his responsibility. Hold him and only him responsible for this. If she is keeping him away from being a father, then it's still his fault for allowing her to have that much power over him. Put the blame on the right person. He doesn't want to be a father anymore? So be it. I knew my child's father wasn't going to be in his life before I gave birth. I went and got my son a father and he's been in his life since the day he was born. He loves him as if he were his. My son's biological father is just that, his biological father. Nothing more, nothing less. Leave him alone and protect your child from people who will only make him an option instead of a priority. Stay strong, because that what your child needs to see. Thanks for commenting!

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      Christina 2 months ago

      Hi, I need some advice. My boyfriend cheated and ended up getting her pregnant. We are still together. We have spoken about this situation. He has told me (repeatedly) that he loves me (I truly believe he does). My problem is im so insecure about everything. I hate that we can't have a child together ( I had a tubal), we will never have that special connection a child brings. I don't want to push him away. But I waited for him for over 15 yrs. I just need to know what to do. Im in tears, just thinking of the "what ifs". Please help I need some advice. I truly believe we are meant to be but I don't want my insecurities to ruin this. Note: he has other older children and im fine with their mothers, they came way before me.

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      Anonymous 2 months ago

      I'm currently having issues with the father of my child he has been on an off in his child's life I think it's due to the fact that he is with a woman that controls him she doesn't let him around an if does come around she has to be there which is fine. Well recently I have been stating my frustration about this situation that has been going on for years me an the father of my child Don't have contact if I talk to him is threw his wife she controls everything in the past two year he has only seen his child twice I only receive 300 month in childsupport this situation is out of hand his wife sent a message the other day stating he doesn't want to be in his child life anymore any advice on what I should do next my best interest is my child

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Jane,

      You are so welcome and I hope this all gets better for the both of you.

      Stay Strong Lil Sis!

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      Jane 2 months ago

      Thanks once again .Now i feel much better and safer after this advice from you. I know you not in person but you have contributed to helping me have peace of mind. am no longer angry at myself anymore for accepting to be in his life. Thanks Big sis.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Jane,

      I'm glad the two of you talked. He's right, you should not answer her calls. He has reassured you that they have nothing romantically going on besides what's in her head. Let him deal with her, she is his problem. He needs to get her in check though. He has to tell her that there is no chance in Hell that they will ever be together again and she has to stop with the advances because he's commited to you. He will be a father to his child and that's it. If he doesn't tell her that he doesn't want her, how will she know? Him telling her to stop, is not working. You have to be direct with some people. She's being disrespectful to your relationship and it needs to stop. You don't need to talk to her. You need to talk to your man and work out a way to handle this. The two of you have to stay strong together in order to deal with this mess. Right now she's running everything and you and your man are focusing more on her than your own relationship. These relationships have to be separated for a reason. Her mess is flowing into your relationship and that has to change. Don't let her consume your thoughts and conversations. You are his sanctuary and his place of solace. Keep that separate from that other crap that's going on. Once there is strength behind your relationship, no one can break that bond. Let him handle her and you just keep it classy.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Ashley,

      Whoa! That chick is crazy! I would let him know right now that if he's thinking about bringing the baby around that crazy girl, he better think again. She is unstable and a lunatic. If he's so confused about being with you or her then you really don't need him to be your man. Allow him to be a father to his child and that's it. You should be a man's only option. Once you move on and get somebody else you'll see how he will react. Once you take his option away, he's going to cry like a baby. You can't sit and wait for him to get his self together and be the man you need him to be. You have a kid coming soon. Your focus right now should be on that. He shouldn't be with someone who can't accept the fact that the two of you are having a kid together. It's only going to get worse when the baby comes. Keep your stress level to a minimum and try to worry less about him and focus more on birthing a healthy baby. Congrats on your pregnancy and stay strong. Thanks for commenting.

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      Ashley 2 months ago

      I'm so happy I found this page because I need some advice. I am currently 6 months pregnant my child father and I are not together due to the fact that we just can't seem to see eye to eye and that he does not show up to the doctors appointments. I have a good relationship with his mom and family and spent Memorial Day with them. That whole day he was begging me to get back with him and just couldn't keep his hands off of me. I told him we need to work on ourselves first and that I wasn't really ready to get back with him. I have love for him he's my child's father so that will be there but I just wasn't ready to get back with him at that time. A couple of weeks later we weren't on good terms and i want to say we made up a week after (still not dating). He then tells me he is in a relationship I told him that's fine if that's what he wants then hey I can't stop you from being in a relationship. He also tells me that he told his now girlfriend that he has a child on the way and she's fine with it. Last week I went over his family's house to bring him some of the baby's things and to spend time with his grandmother. This girl comes to drop off his coat and he told her I was inside and she made a big scene outside his house saying why am I here, she wants to meet me and all this weird stuff. He tells her no that's my child's mom and she dosnt want to meet you. I can hear the whole drama from the living room. She crying all loud for no reason because me and him are not together he's just the father of my child. and I know he's told her that. He then comes back in and tells me that she tried to stab herself because I was there and I immediately got upset because she's clearly showing she does not accept his unborn child. Anyways.. my child's father and I have been on good terms lately and now he's expressing how much he cares and loves me and he wants to be a family but he's now confused because he is with her. He's been reaching out so much more and saying he will do anything for me and loves our son and wish we could work out but he's still with that girl. So now idk how to feel about it because if he really was serious about how much he loves me etc he would leave her immediately. I always say actions speak louder than words and he's doing more talking than moving. idk how to feel about this situation. I've never even met the girl and I don't like her, I don't even know her name! But because of her trying to stab herself I don't like her that's a big red flag to me I need some advice on what I should do thank you!

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      If you leave a comment please check back within 24 hours for my reply. Thanks for commenting!❤

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Jane,

      I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. You all are doing more than enough for her and the baby right now and I commend you on that. However if she keeps it up, I would stop all funding until the baby comes and take her to court so that he can get child support put on himself. If she can't handle this situation civily then the courts have to get involved. If you feel deep down that he might go back with her after the baby comes then you and him need to sit down and talk. He may tell you what you want to hear right now, but things can change. You just have to set yourself up mentally and physically to be able to handle yourself no matter what he chooses to do. You have to know that if you're going to be in a relationship with him this will continue for 18 years or more, so I hope you're prepared. The two of you have a lot of talking do on how to handle this while situation. While you're feeling sorry for her she's conspiring to break you and your man up. She is neither of your responsibility. When the child gets here, he or she will be y'all responsibility.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Jane,

      I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. You all are doing more than enough for her and the baby right now and I commend you on that. However if she keeps it up, I would stop all funding until the baby comes and take her to court so that he can get child support put on himself. If she can't handle this situation civily then the courts have to get involved. If you feel deep down that he might go back with her after the baby comes then you and him need to sit down and talk. He may tell you what you want to hear right now, but things can change. You just have to set yourself up mentally and physically to be able to handle yourself no matter what he chooses to do. You have to know that if you're going to be in a relationship with him this will continue for 18 years or more, so I hope you're prepared. The two of you have a lot of talking do on how to handle this while situation. While you're feeling sorry for her she's conspiring to break you and your man up. She is neither of your responsibility. When the child gets here, he or she will be y'all responsibility.

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      Jane 2 months ago

      Very happy i found this page please i need an help urgently as am dying slowly inside.

      I met my man this year, he told me his relationship was complicated and he has fallen out of love with who he was dating and he has made his decision cleared to her but she keeps pestering his life, i told him i didn't want problem he should make sure he clears his cupboard before walking into my life and he swore he had nothing to do with the ex again. so we started dating i went to spend xmas with him and his family , we had a good time together and i return back to my state, it was a distance relationship. one day he called and broke the news to me that the ex came around to tell him that she was carrying his child and she is not willing to abort it. He told me was confuse and didn't know what to do , so i advice him to support her if she says she wants to keep the child. i also promised to stand by him. after one month we decided to move in together and work hand in hand together since we both love each other and willing to spend the rest of our life together. I had to meet him up at the family house first , a day i arrived there the ex showed up without calling , she picked up a fight with him in my present started creating a scene , an elderly man walked in and demanded to know what happen , she could not say a word then my boyfriend explained everything to him , that is unfortunate that she is pregnant at this point his no longer interested but he will take responsibility of her welfare. to cut the whole story short. before me and my boyfriend traveled out of the country where he works and live ,he rented an apartment for her , furnished the house and sends her money every month ending. Which i don't have a problem with that i was the one that fixed the amount to be paid every month to her account, we pray for her safe delivery and wish her well. But she keeps calling and disturbing him which makes me feel bad , i picked her call one day and she called me a prostitute and that my boyfriend is using me. But i feel a little secure because my boyfriends tells me everything that goes on and am always with the phone she calls , she doesn't have the number of his other line. she calls like 100 times a day and he doesn't pick , some times i beg him to pick when he picks she says something like , when are you coming back? the doctor says i need to be fucked , send money for the baby things and she calls my boyfriend daddy. My boyfriend even told her in my present that all they have together is the child and nothing more. She gets me confuse sometimes that i just pick a quarrel with my boyfriend t. i get angry unnecessarily but some times i feel sorry for her and beg my baby to pick her call and hear her out what she has to say but she ends up not saying anything important than when are you coming , But i have to be honest with you, am always with the phone, he warns her all time in my present like what is it ? this month now we have not sent money to her, she started sending message to my boyfriend that she is going to sleep with other men that he should forget about her and the baby. i feel restless and scared that he might go back to her when the baby is born. please help me what do you think . am i safe in the relationship?

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hi Harmony,

      If you don't have kids by him and no other ties. You should leave him with his Baby Mama. He's not worth the stress. She's telling you all of this, because it's true. She knows it, he knows it and so should you. There's no reason to continue going through this.

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      tarkishat 2 months ago

      Hey Pree B,

      No you're not overreacting, that is ridiculous and he does need to man up. If she insists on keeping everybody separate then he should just take her to court and file for joint custody. Y'all can't keep living like this. The two of you have started a family together and are trying to raise all of the kids together as siblings. This is a good thing. Since she wants to be stubborn and spiteful he should tell her he has no other choice but to file for joint custody and she may just change her way of thinking. Congrats on the baby! I wish you guys nothing but the best.

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      Pree B 2 months ago

      So me and my boyfriend live together. I have a 8 year old daughter with someone else and he has a 6 year old daughter and 5 year old son with someone else. We are expecting our first child together in August. He has a baby mom who does not want me around the children. So he is not allowed to bring the children to the house or around me. My issue is when he has outing with his kids or takes them to amusement parks or things of that nature, me and my daughter are never invited. He just does things with his 2 kids. He has to do everything separate and we can not do anything as a family. This bothers me because soon we will have a son together and will I still be going through the same issue? I won't tolerate my daughter feeling left out because he cant man up to his baby mom. I feel like when you get with a women with children you know it is your duty to take on the responsibility as a step parent and to make the child feel as comfortable as possible. Should this be an issue or big concern or I'm I overreacting.

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      tarkishat 3 months ago

      Hi Trina,

      I'm sure you've already answered that question in your mind. If the two of you were face to face what would you tell her? Got it. Okay. Would you be telling her something he would not want her to know?

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      tarkishat 3 months ago

      Hi T,

      You have every reason to be concerned. I have questions? Does she know about you? If the answer is no, then they are still together in her eyes. The only way to truly know, is ask her. He will probably tell you what you want to hear, but she will tell you the truth. Otherwise you will continue to feel like he's hiding something. You have to come correct though. Explain to her what you've been told and let her know that you just want the truth so that you're not wasting your time on a man who's already spoken for.

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      3 months ago

      What if your in a distant relationship with someone and his babymama comes to his house frequently so he can be updated on how the baby is doing ?( she hasn't had the baby yet she's 3 months pregnant .

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      Trina 3 months ago

      I would like to know why my baby daddy doesn't want his girlfriend talking to me @ all?

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      Leigh 4 months ago

      What if a man swears up and down to his girlfriend he does not want to be with his BM b/c of the drama she brings but yet he still entertains her..He said he has love for her but not in love with her(even tho she still has feelings for him). Why even entertain your bm if u kno urself she is Crazy&basically keeps her child from you when she doesn't gets her way.

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      Adin 13 months ago

      Hi so i recently started dating this guy about 5 months ago. He has a baby that is 6 months.now i know it was kinda crazy of me not to dig a little further into the relationship status of he and his childs mother but honestly i didnt think things would get serious with us this fast or if at all.i had plans for it to being nothing more than a phone convo play thing.but here i am deeply involved with this man im not 100 percent sure of. When we first start dealing she called my phone asking me questions and i lied to her and told we were nothing because for one again at that time we hadnt had sex and emotionally i felt nothing for him. I blocked his number and he came back.looking for me i told him.he should thank me for.not spilling the beans and to just go head.because i didnt have time for kinda crap.he kept pursing me. fast forward in time i eventually gave back in.a couple months later i received a text from her on his phone saying he has a family back ot which is in harrisburg being as though im from philly anyways and to stop contacting him. I didnt get the text until the morning which is when i confronted him about it he tells me that he left his phone on a charger and she went in it.then a couple weeks later i face time his phone accidently and he didnt answer but 20 minutes later she calls me back screaming at him demanding tell her who i am a scuffle insued and the phone hung up. I called him back he again gave me the i left my phone unattended crap.fed up from not getting anywhere with him i dmed her a message with my number and asked her to call me so we can get to the bottom of things instead she wanted to argue back and forth telling me they are very much in a active relationship and that he told him that i was his sister and that i was dealing with his brother sounds pretty weird and incest to me but whatever she never called. Next incident he and i were together and he left his phone with me and told me to answer because he was waiting on an important called and unstored number called and it was her and she got so upset and asked who was i and where was he. I wasnt petty i told her to hold on while i got him. She hung up and blew his phone up. He came back i told him she called and he said ok walked back out and took his phone with him no telling what lie he made up.but anyways he swears up and down they arent together i know she makes up stories because when we are together she pretends hes with her. She blows up his phone when he doesnt answer and question him on why he didnt.ask him on what takes him so long to answer if he doesnt pick up fast enough. Wants him to watch his kid at her house.calls for absolutely nothing in regards to their daugther all day at all times of the nite.spits on him and breaks his phones.calls his po and bleached his clothes on top of calling all around the world to his exes trying to get 411 on me. If she hears a girl in the back she blows up his phone and try to remain on there with him for as long as possible. Yea he answers for her in front of me he didnt us to at first.

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      Windham 15 months ago

      So my husband's bm calls me the other day and tells me she's moving my step son to a different school this year. She thinks she's suppose to be my friend and asks me to keep this conversation just between the 2 of us until she gets him transferred. I told her I would but at the same time I had my doubts, so when my husband got off of work I took his phone from him and sat him down and explained this stuff to him. We have been together 2 years compared to their 10. She just had a new baby and it seems that relationship is crumbling, it seemed to me she was trying to break the trust between me and my husband so she could try to come in between us. Their son means the world to me and I try to keep the peace as much as possible but at the end of the day I am on my husband's side... Now we have went to talk to a lawyer to see about getting custody... Did I do the right thing??

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      michellelee 22 months ago

      Okay so ive been dating this guy for 5months. He broke up with bm not long before getting with me. Im 18 hes 25. Shes brought up my age a lot. Well hes the most sweet caring loving guy.. but he just does not put her in her place. Ive got him to slowly but surely stop talking to her if its not about the kid. She finds every little thing to talk about. She harrasses me to so I got a protective order.. so now she wants him to meet her for a few hours so he can see his child with her there. I feel like hes gonna end up cheating with her if hes not already or something. Idk I have a bad feeling and shee honestly ruined my relationship. Im just not happy. I hear about her all the time she won't get out of my life. I have a doctor's apt in a week to find out if im pregnant and im dreading it. I dont want a child with him because my pregnancy will some how end up being about her. Everything is. I tell him I want to leave and he says hes trying.I do really love him. What do I do?

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      tarkishat 22 months ago

      Hi Karene,

      You're absolutely right, situations like this are not easy to deal with. Here are just a few questions you have to ask yourself. Be honest with yourself and make your decision on if this is something you can deal with.

      Are you willing to deal with a man who has 3 kids and a Baby Mama who is still in love with her children's father?

      Are you willing to deal with this man that will spend the majority of his time at his Baby Mama's house for the kids sake.

      Are you willing to deal with this man financially supporting his Baby Mama and children?

      Are you willing to deal with this man being obligated to his Baby Mama and children for 18 years or more?

      Are you willing to share half of your finances with this man in order for him to support his Baby Mama and children?Because that's what's going to happen if all of his finances are obligated to them. If you all move in together majority of the expenses will fall on you, unless he is financially stable enough to provide for two households for 18 years or more. You have to really be a strong minded, self assured, trusting individual to deal with the situation that you're in. Some people may even say you have to be a fool to put up with that much carp. It all depends on the individual and the task at hand. Relationships are work, no need to add Baby Mama Drama to it. I say keep it moving it Girl and tell him to holler at you in 18 years. Thanks for your comment.

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      tarkishat 22 months ago

      Hi Taryn,

      First off I will start by saying this; some relationships are worth fighting for, but this one my dear is not one of them. It's just too much going on and you will end up hurt.

      1. He's still legally married.

      2. He has a child and possibly one on the way.

      3. His wife is not willing to let go of her husband.

      4. I'm guessing they still live together.

      5. You all live in a place that can put you in jail for aldutry. (WTF?)

      I don't know about you, but there is no man or woman worth going to jail for. If he can't go out of town without his wife, it's because that's his wife and they are a family. Back away from him and this mess that he is in. If they are getting a divorce, let him take care of that, before trying to make a relationship with you. Remove yourself from this whole situation and if indeed he loves you as much as you love him he will find you once the dust has settled on his relationship with her. As of right now he is still married and you don't need to put your life on hold for no married man. Keep your head up and keep it moving girl. Thanks for the comment.

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      tarkishat 22 months ago

      Hi Naomidickiens,

      Social Media is the devil sometimes. What I would love to know is what exactly did you post on Twitter for her to take it so harshly that she wants to fight you. Never mind, I'm just being nosy. Lol! Nonetheless, you two need to have a sit down about this. There is a child involved and for her to not want her daughter around you or her father is crazy. Your words really hurt her feelings, even though they weren't meant for her. Okay I must know what did you say on Twitter. In order for me to know why she took it so hard and if there can be a resolve in this relationship. Having a non biased mediator there when you do sit down with her can really help you two solve this issue. The longer you stay quiet, the more guilty you look.

      Thanks for the comment!

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      tarkishat 22 months ago

      I'm sorry that I've been missing in action for a while. I've been working hard at finishing my first fiction novel; Scorpion Love available on Amazon. It's free to Amazon Prime and Kindle Unlimited members. Yay Me! Lol! Now I'm back to y'all. I've missed reading your stories of your Baby Mama Drama. For the rest of the week I will be responding to all posts everyday. Thanks for being patient with your girl.

      -Kisha

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      Karene 2 years ago

      Hi I've been dating this guy for 5 months and when we first started chatting he said he had 2 kids one 3yrs and the other 6months and him and his BM doesnt get along at all. A month later he confessed that his BM is actually 6months pregnant. The baby was born about 2 weeks ago and he went from staying with me to staying with her and says it's only until she's back to normal. He wouldn't tell me about some of their conversations where she threatens to move away with her kids whenever he he doesn't do what she wants. She acts as if she owns him. He would messsage me all the time even come spend the night sometimes. He also shared the birthing experience with me and would often send me pictures of kids. His BM doesnt have a stable job so apparently he doesn't take care of just his kids but her as well because whenever her credit runs low she'll call and this frustrates him. I'm confused as to weather I should just walk away or trust him and wait to see because I like him. They seem to be getting along good for now and i think she wants him back although he said he's not on that with her anymore because she loves drama. I just dont know what to think or do at this point. Situations like this are not easy to deal with.

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      Taryn 2 years ago

      I really need your help. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 weeks and i have known him for 6 years. When we had just started talking he told me that he did have a daughter and that they are technically by law married, so him and they baby momma wanted a divorce and now that he has the papers for that she dosent want to sign them anymore becaue of me, and the baby momma is German and for some reason she dosent like me just cause im black, so she told him she didn't wanan sign the papers because she wanted to work on things with him for their daughter, and found out today that she is 6 or 7 months pregnant and he is not sure if its his. The baby momma threated to put him in jail because he is dating me while he still married, but she was hoeing around dating and having sex with other guys but he didn't want to put his daughter's mon is jail and idk what to with this situation, i understand that i will never come between him and his daughter and the baby momma but i just feel like im some kind of shadow, i asked him when he was coming back to town and all i got was idk and you know the baby momma will be with me and im scared to loose him because he is the best thing thats ever happened to me as my boyfriend and best friend idk what to do about this and i would really love it, if you could help me with this problem i have. This was very helpful by the way

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      Naomidickiens 2 years ago

      I need some advice !!! I been with my current boyfriend for over three years now . He has a six year old daughter of which she loves me very much . The child's mother and I keep it neutral ("hi & bye etc ") . Lately things have changed! Things have changed because of social media! I had post a comment on my Twitter account , and I guess someone that was friends with her say it and told her ( the person was mutual friend) . The post was not directed to her not or for her! Next thing I know , she tells my boyfriend I am not allowed to attend special-school event because she can not be in the presences of me . And tells the little girl negative comments about me and tells the child she can not spead time with her dad or I . That was very uncall for . My boyfriend was very upset about this but disobeyed her and took the child to spead time . He is a great father to his child . The baby mother now writes crap on her Facebook talking stuff about me and how if she sees me at a school event for the child she will fight me . I been very mature and not written anything about her because I do not need to or even talk about her . And she is basically putting all this drama on herself because it was not for her my post! That's what people do not understand about social media , if you put a comment-post they take it the wrong way . My boyfriend did speak to her about her issues . But I did not ask him about it because I didn't want to be nosey . My question is .. Now that she thinks this stuff is about her which is not , why she doesn't come and reach me out if she has a problem? Although I know she won't because she is going to feel stupid stalking my page (my page is private). How should I handle all this drama now with her ? I told my boyfriend I would gladly speak to her and he said no just let it be she has to get over it .

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      tarkishat 2 years ago

      Hi Valenzuela,

      So let me get this straight. He lives with his Baby Mama and you are currently living with your Baby Daddy?? Yeah you'reright , your situation is hella complicated. If the two of you really felt as strongly about each other as you say. There would be nothing that would keep you two from getting a place of your own while still making sure your children are taken care of. Okay so you don't want to believe that BM is still having sex with him? Ask yourself if you are still having sex with the man you're living with? If the answer is yes then there you go. You want him to move out, but where is he going to go? Is he going to stay with you and BD. Probably not. Are you ready to move out from your BD? Come on I'm just saying, is this relationship really worth breaking up two households? Think about it and get back at me. Thanks for the comment. I wish you all nothing but the best.

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      valenzuela 2 years ago

      OK my situation is a Lil complicated .I met this guy in college. We are in the same situation we both stay with our partners. .have a step kid n a 3 yr old kid.i have 2 girls n he has 2 boys..he stays with his bby momma n I stay with bby daddy. Problem is she found out about us 5months ago .and we'll we still continue seen each other.without her car ring .I knew it was wrong but we love each others company .well to get to the bottom of this he keeps saying he will move out but he hasn't cause his 3 yr old .but he seems to give her way to much respect. He says he will always care for her cause that's the child's mom.he also has an older son his 18 n he sees him once in a while.but he had a bad relationship with his other bby momma.n she don't allow him to be part of his older kid.so with this bby momma he has he keeps using the excuse of living at the right time.to avoid drama.or court.well last week she found out that we still been seen each other but it's clearly his still there...he tells me to have patience but idk...she said they been sleeping together but I'd if she's saying this out of anger or not.he said no n things are done.that the only reason he hides me is to avoid drama.what do u think. I really do love this guy.

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      Elaine 2 years ago

      I'm glad I found this website... I really need an advice... My bf and I were dating for over 2 yrs now. He has a son at that time was only 5 yrs old. I have girls of my own who are 9 and 16 now. We were fine when the boy's mom wasn't around.. She was in a different state and living with a husband and 3 kids from previous marriage. The BM found another guy and left the hubby and moved back here ... The new bf got in jail. The BM is a heroine addict and now she is always at my boyfriends apartment. She is not working and all she does is to be with my bf's son. I started getting paranoid that they might do something behind my back... Since she sleeps over at his place. I told my ng that he better not be sleeping with her because she used to sell herself just to get drugs. He told me that she is only in his son's life not his and he is not sleeping with her nor have any plans of sleeping with her. He also said that she is leaving too because that's the way she is. All our friends told me to trust him because they know that he's being truthful with me. I know I'm way way better than this BM. Do I need to be jealous and insecure?

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      tarkishat 2 years ago

      Hi laparis

      Pheww! Girl! Why did you take him back? Let me get this straight. He cheated on his wife with you. He cheated on you with his wife and went back to her. He cheated on his wife and got a baby by another chick. Now he's on your doorstep and you think that he's hiding something? If you want to be with him, you can't worry about the lies and the cheating, because that is just what he is. A cheater and a liar. You know that. So my question is, what do you need help with? Girl send him and his problems back to his wife. Thanks for the comment laparis. Best of luck to you.

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      tarkishat 2 years ago

      Hi Tasha,

      It seems like you genuinely want to be apart of the relationship he has with his kids. Unfortunately if the kids' mothers don't want that to happen then it's not much you can do about it. I say continue to build on your relationship with your man and keep that going strong. Eventually they will realize, that you're not there to hurt the situation, but to help it. I don't believe in putting my relationship business on Facebook anyway. You know how you feel about your man and he knows how he feels about you, so why does everybody on Facebook have to know? That's just how I feel. You don't worry about what they say about you. Your one and only concern is your relationship with him and him only. Let him deal with his Baby Mamas. Lord help him cause he got 4 of them! Allow him to take care of his children. Keep the drama out of your relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years and last year was the first time I actually spoke on the phone to his son's mother. Now we exchange gifts on mother's day. When he speaks to her on the phone, I'm quiet, simply because, that's her time to inform him on how his son is doing. I don't have to make my presence known. I'm not in a relationship with her. I'm in a relationship with him. He gets all of my attention. Strengthen your relationship first and then work on building others. Thanks for your comment and I wish you nothing but the best.

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      laparis 2 years ago

      just looking fir answers to my unanswered questions and I know I'm in the right place..so I've known my dude for about four years total and have been seriously dating him for about a year...We use to work together and in the beginning I couldn't stand him!!!! he had a wife at the Tyme we first started dealing.(which I'm not proud of) things went way further then they were supposed to go..so we were dealing for a few months until he just disappeared...(he went back to his wife)TWOO YEARS pasted before I saw him again he had two kids that I knew of but when he returned he had two MORE...one that he claimed was a made up baby. .but later told me that he did have a newborn....I know two of his babymomma's but the last one he won't let me met...he's says it's my attitude like I can can just hate this women and not even know her..REALLY.... I found love cards and stuff that's she's sent and etc....I don't get it??? I think he's hiding some thing from me when it comes to her...HELPPPP

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      lovelyred 2 years ago

      I have a question

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      Tasha 2 years ago

      I need some help or advice on my situation. my boyfriend has 4 kids with 4 different women. I am not allowed around his kids because their mothers feel I am too young immature and don't know what I want in life. I am in my mid twenties and my boyfriend is in his early thirties. I'm pretty sure his kid's mothers are around his age. I have been called every name under the sun. my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months.my boyfriend wants me to meet his kids but he doesn't want his baby mamas to make his life miserable. they are so bad that we can't even post on each other's fb or make our relationship fb official because they will stalk me. please tell me what I should do if they is anything that can be done

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      Tasha 2 years ago

      I need some help or advice on my situation. my boyfriend has 4 kids with 4 different women. I am not allowed around his kids because their mothers feel I am too young immature and don't know what I want in life. I am in my mid twenties and my boyfriend is in his early thirties. I'm pretty sure his kid's mothers are around his age. I have been called every name under the sun. my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months.my boyfriend wants me to meet his kids but he doesn't want his baby mamas to make his life miserable. they are so bad that we can't even post on each other's fb or make our relationship fb official because they will stalk me. please tell me what I should do if they is anything that can be done

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      tarkishat 2 years ago

      Hi Pam90,

      This right here is a question only he can answer. If your relationship is strong and the communication between you two about this whole situation is good. Then I say no. But if you have doubt then you should speak with your man about it so you will not be caught off guard by any lagging feelings for Baby Mama. Here's a little advice, seeing that this is in fact his child. You should become very supportive of his relationship with his child. Hey even get the child a gift to show that you are okay with him being a father to his child. The reason for this is so he does not have to hide his feelings and what he is doing for his child behind your back. Once he starts sneaking around to see his child because you can't take the relationship, then chances are he'd rather cut off from you to be with the kid. As for Baby Mama, don't argue with her, let her argue with herself. He has to be the one to let her know that the relationship is over and it's all about the child now. That's for him to tell her. Not you. If you trust him to make the right decisions then this should work out well. If you don't trust him as far as you can see him regarding this situation, then you should just let him go now. Trust is very important in a relationship.

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      Pam90 2 years ago

      So my boyfriend of 3 years on and off has a 6 month old baby by another woman. This woman kicked him out of the hospital when she had her because he wanted a DNA test . Like wtf ! He finally got one and come to find out the baby is his so now here it is 6 months later and now all of a sudden she wants him back in her life. She keep calling the house phone popping up at his work really trying to get with him. So my question is do you think he will leave me for his baby mamma?

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      Terri 2 years ago

      Is it possible to be with a man who is your baby dad who is cheating, although not in a relationship? Let me explain. My baby dad has other kids, wants me to commit to him, but he doesn't commit to me. He has other chicks and wants me to wait. I seen the above comment for the other girl about waiting forever. Guys don't want other girls they just want any girl who wants them. If I have all the answers, why am I so torn. I want to be able to tell him. But if he feels like he's trapped by our family he will leave. How can I make him stay, with out the drama from other girls and other baby mommas? Every girl wants their family, and I really don't know what to do, expect give him an ultimatum? And why should I have to tell him I want that commitment, and stability when he knows already, how can I make it clear to him. Never cheated, or lied to him. Am I doing the right thing or am I to committed ?

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      tarkishat 2 years ago

      Hi Dreya, sorry it took me so long to respond. Girl as long as he taking care of home, you just let them other chicks keep wishing they were you. Keep the communication open between you and him so that if he feels the need to tell you something he will. You can't worry about the future, because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. If you don't feel that the two of you are ready for another child, then by all means, put that on the back burner. As for the questions he's asking, I do think it's a little odd and may take some looking into. Just ask him, why is he asking you this and how it makes you feel when he asks you stuff like that. Wishing you and them babies nothing but the best!

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      aeshya 2 years ago

      I have a man and he has baby momma drama. She refusing to let him see his only son but demands that be sends money for him. And his mother agrees with his baby momma. I wanna cuss him and his momma out. What should I do

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      kk 2 years ago

      I am my baby dad second baby momma. Me and him do not get along for nothing. He lies about EVERYTHING. The whole time I was pregnant. I didn't know he was with his first baby momma. He has not been in my daughter life but has been in the other two life. He did the same thing to her. Know they together and she and I argue about if the baby is his baby or not. Which she is. He knows that. He's telling her I want him and that the DNA test we took fake. Which is real. The first baby momma just believe what ever he say. I hope once. We go to to court this time he would just be honest. I don't know what to do with him. He find excuse to run off. I feel he is with that baby momma because he can really just tell her anything literal.

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      Dreya 2 years ago

      I have 3 kids 3 baby dads. I have recently had my third kid with my 3rd baby dad. We have only been together for 6 months and I got pregnant. We broke up, and got back together after I had my baby. He helps me with the other kids. He also has other kids. He has 1 baby mom that he doesn't talk to and 1 that I believe he still talks to. There's also an ex who keeps posting old post with him and her on social media, he said he doesn't talk to her but she seems to believe their still in a relationship. He comes home every night and seems that's the only thing that matters. I want to love him unconditionally and keep my family, but I'm scared that he's cheating and will leave me. He thinks I'm talking to other guys and accuses me of cheating and being bored with him, and I'm not. He asks me if I'm good enough for him? And I'm not understanding why he's asking me these questions. He asked me to have another baby with him but we're struggling. And barely having enough to maintain. I want to fight for my relationship, but I want him to know I'm serious, I can leave and take care of my kid and other kids by myself but I love my family and I'm torn. I need help! I want a man who knows my worth, who doesn't disrespect me and allow these girls to post pics, are just around. How do I tell him without giving him an ultimatum?

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi, Trina,

      What you waiting for? Girl you'll be waiting forever. Listen to your first mind, because it seems to have all the answers. You deserve to be a man's Queen. Never settle for anything less than that. I understand that you love him. Let him be a father to your children, but if he can't be the man you need him to be then he has to kick rocks. You're not asking for much. Talk to him and let him know how you feel and if he can't change, then you can do bad all by yourself. Best of luck to y'all.

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      Trina 3 years ago

      My kids father is in jail, he has several girlfriends and 3 baby mothers. He tells me he wants to be with me but assuming he tells the other girls the same thing. I want to be with this man, but it's drama. He tells me to not worry he only tells them what the want to hear so they can be around to take care of him but in confused. I don't want to keep pressuring him to not talk to them , but should I say something? I need him to know I'm serious or I'm going to leave or should I just wait it out until he comes home?

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Goldbeneyes69,

      You have a reason to feel disrespected. He's laying up with you and his other baby mama. He obviously knows her personality. He knew that if he treated her the way he treated you at the family reunion, she would have snapped on him, right in front of Mother, brother, sister, uncle and cousin. He knew who he could get away with this with. So I say this, stop giving him your goodies if you can't be #1. Let him be a father to his child, but you deserve to be treated like a queen, red carpet and all. Never forget that there is a man out there made just for you. Don't be sad, this was him showing you that he is not the one. Keep your head up Queen, your King is somewhere waiting.

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Lisa,

      No you're not wrong to worry. You are a new mother and congrats by the way. Being a new mother will make you want to protect your child by any means necessary. If this girl really loves your Baby Daddy then she would show you some respect in order for you to feel comfortable with having your son around her. He needs to talk to her and you about squashing this mess that he created so that you all can be positive parents in your child's life. Now as for you Ms. Lisa, he did you wrong, but he's a good father, now leave it there. If you keep having sex with him, you're going to keep getting hurt. He's moved on to another relationship and so should you. Be ready though, he's not gonna want your new man around his son either. I know you all are young, but having a child forces you to grow up quick. Best of luck to you and the baby.

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      goldeneyes69 3 years ago

      Feeling disrespected

      I'm I wrong for feeling this way? Today I took my son to his family reunion on his dad side. I was given a formal invitation from my son's dad to come and have fun with his family. Since July my son's dad and I have grew closer and have decided that we want to grow closer together with us potential building a relationship. We tell each other that we love each other and we also make love on a regular basis. For me today all of that went out the window. Yes, he invited me to come and I've talk to him several times before I arrived, not once did he tell me that the other baby mama was there. I wouldn't have bother me that she was there because yes she is the mother of his 2 other children, however that wasn't the vibe I was getting. She made it known to me that they are a bit closer than what he had me to believe. She called him babe several times and each time he responded. He didn't correct her not once. Keep in mind that this is the first family reunion that my son and I attended with him and I felt uncomfortable because of not knowing anyone except him. Normal when I'm coming to meet or see him, he normally comes to the car to greet me with a hug and a kiss, that wasn't the case today. When I mention it to him he tries to hug me. I ask him to fix me a plate, which he did however instead of him handing it to me, he gives it to my son to pass down to me. Not once did he come and sit next to me to talk to me. I sit there by myself playing on my phone. He sits and next to and talk with his other baby mama the entire time. When he did get up he would talk to me as he walks by. I didn't say anything, however I did get my son and we left as I hand enough of being second to NOT best. As of this moment he has not called or text to ask me anything. Am I wrong for feeling disrespected and ending what I thought could be a potential relationship? For me actions speak louder than words. I'm not insecure or jealous as I have no reason to be. I'm a person that have a 0 tolerance policy for liars.

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      Haz3l 3 years ago

      Ok...I've known my boyfriend 15yrs plus. We were friends with benefits for maybe 3yrs then lost touch for about 11yrs, found one another like a yr ago. Found out he had been with his ex for 10yrs and had 3 children with her. She had a baby 5months old when they met, which he claimed as one of his own because his father wasn't around. Long story short we're together been together a year in Nov. She has disrespected my home, hit my car. I've fought her (which im too grown for) but had to earn my respect (i thought). She damages his things. And she don't want their children around me for no reason. She is nothing but drama. Even tho they're not together he does ANYTHING for his children that she asks, even the child that isn't his. Now because we're together she wants to put him on child support. So he now works out of state, and when he comes home after 3 weeks at a time he wants to spend time with his children. Bt she wont let him because she says im going to be around. Sooo, the father of the son thats not his pops up into the childs life. She wants to throw it up in his face that her son is with his REAL dad, which hurts his feelings, now school is back in he tells her to tell his dad he needs school clothes and not him. Bit because he loves the child he still does for him......My question is how am i suppose to feel about this? I feel like she's hurting him with his children because of me, also i feel she doing him wrong and hes still doing what she wants him to do....Im confused. I'm 32, he's 37 and she's 35

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      Lisa 3 years ago

      My baby's father and I were still having sex while I was pregnant we weren't n a relationship but he led me on to think that he might actually have feelings for me asking me do I love him ,holding my hand ,not wanting me to be with other guys(maybe this was due to the fact that i was pregnant with his child idk). So a month ago a few weeks before i had my son I was in the mood and text him to come over and he said,

      'I cant I'm going to hang out with (our sons godfather his best friend)'

      And then a second later

      'Or Jessica (not the girls real name)'

      I asked him who Jessica was and he told me this girl he been talking to that they haven't defined they're relationship yet and he's not sure if they ever will.

      I felt so hurt that he was dismissing me as if our nine months if being together meant nothing I didn't want to be a FWB he put me in that position had sex with me after I told him i can't have sex and not get attached, that i rather be just friends. Not only did he lead me on he was having sex with other girls too.

      Out of jealousy and hurt from being rejected I messaged this girl on Facebook and my motive was to show her just what type of guy he was how he used girls as place holders and then treats them like they never mattered after he used them. I never once called her names but she was just plain insulting, judging me for not having a diploma stating that she was in college when it had nothing to do with the situation. I told her he was texting her while he was at my house just after having sex with me (sometime before I found out about Jessica is saw a message from her pop up on his tablet but i didn't think any of it.) Well she didn't care in fact I think she knew about my baby father and i having sex which I thought extremely disrespectful him talking to a girl he just met about out my sex life. After she talked down on me I got upset and told her 'well I just wanted you to know because we get into arguments all the time and end up hooking up again.'

      It was childish I admit. She decided to add my baby father to the conversation and he just put me down like i was so dumb to think he ever wanted to be with me and tried to make himself look like the good guy. Anyways long story short there I ended up looking like a fool realizing that he loved this girl not me that he rather be with this girl he just met than the mother of his child. The fact that he was jumping into a relationship with a newborn on the way made me angry too we are teenagers relationships are distractions with us they consume you, i thought it selfish. What girl doesn't want to be took out on dates bought cute gifts and I knew I would be pissed if he spent a dime on this girl with our son here. He had plans to go to the army ( which went away suddenly after he and this girl got together.)and got a job at Wal-Mart which he lost and then enrolled in college. He is a good provider my son has everything he needs but what's bugging me is the fact that I told him I don't want my son around this girl and he is not respecting it. If this girl has no respect for me I don't think she has a right to see my son plus we are only teenagers I don't see their relationship lasting so is it wrong for me not to see the point in my son being around her? I feel like when my son is with his father it should be a time just for them why would she be there anyways? My son is two weeks and i haven't let his father take him anywhere mainly because I'm breastfeeding and he's young but i told him once I stop breastfeeding at six months he can have his unsupervised visits. Im just worried he will have my son around this girl that I don't trust. I would be willing to let her meet my son if I truly believed they were long term but we are young. Am I being wrong in my worries? I am just not a trusting person.

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Cecile27,

      No! Hurry! Run the other way! This guy is trash. He wants you back as a part of his harem. Don't you even think about it. He's a manipulator and a con artist. Do not give him your address. Meet his azz at McDonald's or something.Do not fall back into his trap. Who lies about giving someone an STD? That's just ignorant right there. He obviously does not like to wear condoms, so is he really worth risking your life over. You're so blessed that you had a healthy baby and congrats on that by the way. But sleeping with him again could be really bad. You have no clue who he's been with. So keep your distance and let him be.

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi hsimeona,

      Girl you do not need him to sign a birth certificate. You need him to sign that child support check. Any man that turns his back on his child is a sorry sucka in my eyes. You can do bad by yourself. Keep it moving and get that check from his lying azz. Smdh!

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Ceejay,

      Here's my advice. Ignore her ignorant azz. Girl live your life with your man and your kids. Be the best mother, step mother and wife you can possibly be. Keep the drama out of your home. She does not want to see her ex happy at all. How do you keep a jealous trick jealous? Just keep doing you. Let your fiancé deal with her. Background Check? Lmao! Bye Felicia! For real.

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      hsimeona17 3 years ago

      Sorry for the typeos .

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      hsimeona17 3 years ago

      Hi tarkishat

      I just had a daughter march of this yr by a man a been seeing for over 2 yrs . Its been so crazy in this short time. He has 4 children and they are by two different mothers,his youngest child he lied and said it was his nephew cuz he did want me to know he had another kid. I got man n got over it . I been through a lot with him trying to get custody of his at the children and then wen I tell him in October I'm pregnant and keeping it . He got mad and said leave him alone and don't have it. WellI didt listen so I had her she was a preemie but healthy. He is giving me a hard time wit signing birth certificate and paying anything to help with her. I'm so done . He only will see her if I sleep with . I'm ready to leavehim alone n do it by my self.

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Anon,

      You have a real situation on your hands. I'm just guessing, but he's still married right? If so, he got his wife pregnant and you have every right to worry. Have you ever heard him actually tell his wife that he does not love her anymore. I'm just saying he could tell you anything. If he is still living with her, then they are a family and he's not going anywhere. You can sit there and wait it out, if you really trust him. I say hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

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      Cecile27 3 years ago

      Hey Tarkishat, brace yourself for the drama I'm about to expose some of which has been cut short here goes..... I met my almost 2 yr old son's father in 2010 when I was 21 literally on the day my ex of 5 years dumped me for a girl I once called my friend so as you can imagine I was extremely heart broken, anyway I left my home that evening refusing to be depressed at home to only be stopped by this great looking guy it felt like he was heaven sent at the time, we exchanged numbers etc and started meeting up texting soon after I realised a pattern that he was just after 1 thing he was my 1st f buddy so it took a while for me to clock on also as I wasn't looking for anything serious either due to my heartbreak. So time went on before I knew it its been 2 years this has been happening for so I came to the conclusion in December 2012 that I was going to end this sexual relationship we had to only find out that I was pregnant..... This is when the real drama started, on the day I found out I was pregnant we were meeting up anyway so I broke the news to him and he was so comforting said it would be ok and I was so shocked at that response, the next day he asked me "what I was going to do"? I knew within myself from the minute I found out that I was going to keep my baby with or without him, so I told him and that's when he started the malicious communication, he had suddenly revealed that he wasn't single that he had a girlfriend he was "practically married" that he had 3 other kids and that I didn't know him what made me feel so special to be the 4th baby mother?, that he had an sti and that he gave it to me which was a lie because i got my self tested and all was clear. My world started crushing down on me baring in mind I was pregnant. So from there onwards it was horrific he was trying with every inch of himself to get me to have a termination at times I was considering it just so I wouldn't have to deal with drama and such a nasty person but I had to remind myself that I am strong enough to not make the weaker decision. Time went pregnancies growing on I remained positive despite  everything he was saying to me so I finally asked him if he was going to tell this girlfriend of his about the baby and his response was "no she would kill herself because of everything he has put her through in the past 5years" no comment to that, so I said ok but don't you think the truth will come out at some point? In addition to everything he still wanted to sleep with me during all of this is happening, anyway one day a few weeks before I gave birth I went to his house to find the girlfriend there she opened the door and I asked if he was in she said no so I then introduced myself and told her the truth about everything as I felt it was only right, he later found out that night that I had spoken to the girlfriend and asked me why I had done it, I felt that she had the right to know and then could do what she wanted with the news after, I shouldn't have been the bearer of the news but I didn't like to be treated like a dirty little secret as he had lied about who he really was all that time and he was still trying to sleep with me. So they broke up He hated me after this point he was provoking me asking me to go to his house to meet him to talk when he wasn't there and I was heavily pregnant he done this on three occasions so in time I started to feel nothing but sheer bitterness towards him at how he could be so evil and nasty towards someone it was such an emotional and horrible pregnancy luckily my son was so good to me smooth pregnancy smooth short labour he was now born August 2012. I was getting harassed for dna test which I refused to do for a while but then decided to do it otherwise I'd look like I was hiding something, results came back he tried to act like he wasn't the father so I ordered myself a copy and he was 99.99 the father he said "he wished he was dead"!. December 2012 was the last time I had seen him and he had only seen our son twice, him and his girlfriend apparently got back back together and had a baby since then. During the time of January 2013 to may 2013 I felt an urge of avengace I hated him for treating my son the way he did and turning his back on my son I was afraid of being a single mum and being judged upon everything as he made it out to all be my fault till this day he has not apologised to me for all the emotional damage he caused me I'm not holding my breathe for that. So anyway I was so angry I started emailing him about how he was a dead beat dad etc and all the insults in the world I started to message the so called girlfriend about her waste man that he would treat her the same way after he's been through 4 baby mothers, I had literally lost the plot, it got to the point when it was draining the life out of me and I realised that I was only hurting myself so I stopped  the messaging and I stopped sending pictures of our son from his 1st birthday and just started living my life like it's golden. Time went on by I was getting happier and stronger until he got back in contact may 2014 via email we briefly spoke about our son and about all the drama that happened but yet I feel like he's still trying to play games with me because I am not paying him no mind and I'm not asking him for help with anything like I'm just being independent in every way without his help.he still tries to talk down to me and treat me in a manipulative manner which I don't like, he's failing to have some sort of respect for me as the mother to his child I am biting my teeth and being civil for the sake of my son and being decent enough towards him but I feel that he has an undisclosed issue with me that he can't seem to project. I've moved into my own flat now and just happy raising my son he's been wanting my address but I'm a bit reluctant to give it out to him as I don't trust him whatsoever not that he would cause us harm but just because he may try to turn up randomly etc as he already tried to manipulate me in saying "I'm coming to see my son before bed what's your address"? . We recently Met up last week since him getting back in contact with us and I'm feeling really emotional and confused as if I still like him after all the drama which is not cool but the more I reject this feeling the worse it'll get I don't understand if this is normal or just plain stupid? My son's father seems to  always want a reaction out of me i don't know why? he hasn't mentioned his girlfriend or there daughter but once and that was it it wasn't even in a sense of where they're still together but that's none of my business anyway and I haven't asked about them either because he also never personally told me about them being back together, he's also coming across demanding and dictating things he doesn't consider my schedule or the fact that I have a life too he expects me to say how high when he says jump.. i don't want to be that bitter babymother the one that gets called a B**ch I've made my mistakes and have surely learnt from it. I sincerely apologised to him for the crazy behaviour and he said he would pass it on all I want is peace and a non complex friendship/communication with my son's father  I feel like I need some serious advice with this one I don't wanna go back down that unhappy route again. SOS!!!!

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      Ceejay 3 years ago

      My situation goes like this. I've been with my fiancée for a year now. He has a 3 year old son and I also have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship.

      When my boyfriend and I first met he told me the story about him and his baby mama and how it all ended. They went out one time she got pregnant they stay together. After she had the baby she you would go out drinking all the time and basically decided not to be a mom. My fiancé raise his son for the first two years of his life alone. When him and I first started dating she found out about us because he told her and that's when she decided that she wanted to come back to her sons life and be a mom. I of course being a mother myself wanted her to know who was spending time with her son so I introduced myself, it didn't go as planned, it sounded to me like she appreciated the fact that I did that but towards the end of our conversation she made a comment about me being careful not to hurt my fiancé or she would come after me; she said that it was a joke. Anyway I didn't speak to her after that All communication was strictly between my fiancé and her I never spoke to her after that. Maybe a few months later I had realized that she was stalking my Instagram and texting my fiancé and starting a fight with him about something that I had posted. I decided to block her from all my social media and that started at even bigger fight because she said that she had the right to follow anybody that was posting pictures about her son. Now this whole time she's also in her own relationship with a 30-year-old man who also has four kids. Recently my fiancé filed a protective order against her boyfriend because she had said that her boyfriend was hitting her in front of my fiancé son. (Her boyfriend has a criminal record) we both felt like that was not a good environment for my fiancé son to be in When they went to court she sat on the stand and said that she had exaggerated the whole thing and it was not true. My fiancé ended up losing the case because the judge ruled it is hearsay. This week my fiancé finally moved into my apartment. Being that I have a son of my own and knowing that my fiancé has a son of his own I decided to fix up my sons room so that I can fit both boys in there. Now my apartment is a loving home for the four of us. The drama starts again, since my fiancé now informed his baby mama that he lives with me she is now demanding that she'd have my background check. She says that she needs to have it because she wants to make sure that I'm a good enough person to be around her son and that it's only fair that she have it because her boyfriend's information was given to the courts when they went for their protective order case. I told my fiancé to tell her now she's not getting it because she has no legal grounds to obtain now is just never ending because she just won't let it go she won't stop harassing us. I am starting to lose my patience with this woman I don't know what to do please advise me.

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      Anon 3 years ago

      Hi tarkishat!

      I have a question, my boyfriend has been together for over a year off and on. Right now it is very serious and he has filed for divorce from his wife. During the process she went to see him while he was highly intoxicated and he got her pregnant (I was at a different state) long story short, she is about to give birth within the month. This entire time she has been sayin she misses him and loves him even before he got her pregnant and he keeps telling her that he isn't in love with her anymore. Ever since I came in the picture, she refused to get a divorce, but before that she was willing to sign. I'm afraid he'll leave me and stay with her for the sake of the child. He was scared about divorce before because of his religion but he wasn't happy. I'm afraid she will continue to pursue him and keep his money as a leash around him. I'm asking is should I not even worry. We've talked pretty much everyday and cried numerous times. He's claimed he's trying his best to win back my trust and to prove himself to me. I'm slowly trying to trust him again but I'm afraid of losing him. Should I not even worry about this? Should I just trust him and let it all work out? Thank you, I hope to hear from you soon. I'm glad I'm able to find your site. :)

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Sierra, I'm glad you found this site too. Lol! Okay, so until your boyfriend puts his foot down with Baby Mama, this situation is only going to get worst. I hope he gets a DNA test done if Cuz could be the father. He needs to get that taken care of as soon as possible. As far as the Facebook mess, let her talk. You have something she wants is all.

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      sierra 3 years ago

      Im so glad i found this site. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 months when we got together i knew he had a possible child on the way. When he spoke upon having a possible child he said his cousin could be the childs father as well as he could. So his son was born the other day and things have started to change. The baby mama constantly calling wanting to know his where abouts and so on. But the baby mama cant stand me we had words or what not but i've tried to put the issues aside and be a woman about the situation but everytime i turn around her and her cousins talking about my boyfriend and i on facebook. Im fed up at this point and to young to be stressed so what should i do?

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Fanny, I do not see a comment from you, maybe you used another name. If so let me know and I'll respond back as soon as possible. Sorry for the wait.

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      fanny 3 years ago

      Hi I'm waiting for ur advise

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      Aunnie1985 3 years ago

      Me and kids father was together for four years, until I found out that he had another baby which he denied and also denied ours as well. Not only that he had his mother deny them to. I've talked to his other baby momma she not only told me everything that I was suspecting about him she still talking and sleeping with her ex as well. But he had to change his number, stop the calls, texts and giving our children support. He isn't man enough to call to apologize for this happening or have the balls to come around. Like I told his other baby momma she can have that headache back again, go through his phone etc. I just wanna know why deny them now because he's back with her. We got played but who is the dummy now....

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      Heartbroken 3 years ago

      Me n my ex bf were together for 6 months we got together like a month before his baby mama had her baby after she had her baby all hell broke loose . She made it so if he wasn't with her he couldn't see his child so we broke up all because if her . Eventually we tried again because we thought it would work out cause he finally stood up n told her that they were through . So my ex baby mama lives 2 hours away she had come down here for summer n we broke up again because of her , he still calls & texts me telling me he loves me n misses me but he is with her . Now they are together n the other night he called me he hasn't talked to me in almost a month cause when he is in a relationship with her he can have no communication with his "exes" so we haven't talked but he recently called me ,I guess they got into a fight n broke up , so we have been talking for almost a week n then one day he completely stops talking to me again I do not hit him up or anything . I found out that they got back together , I'm just confused of what to think I am in love with this guy I just don't know what to do anymore . Should I just give up an move on ? Or keep waiting around ?

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      Ann 3 years ago

      I am with my boyfriend for 14 years. We split up for a while last year at which time he had a fling with a girl 30 years younger than him! When we got back together, he learned that she got pregnant and after a lot of fighting we realized that we love each other too much to stay apart, and chose to work through it. The problem was that he let the mother live in his house through the pregnancy so that he wouldn't lose his child if she took her out of the country. I agreed with that. The mother knows that he has a girlfriend now, and he never has sex with her after he got her pregnant. The age difference is just too great, and he feels like a total idiot for letting it happen in the first place.

      My problem is that I get jealous of her with him, right now while she is still in his home. He is perfectly attentive to me, we have sex regularly and I now he loves me. I just need help with patience while he finds her a place of her own for her and the baby, and he moves in with me. I don't want to drive him away, but I do get jealous and insecure.

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      Broken 3 years ago

      I apologize for all the typos I have a phone that's not too great . I meant he is 47 years old

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      Broken 3 years ago

      hello everyone I just need some advice my daughters father and I have been dating for 2 years we moved pretty fa hi baby is 1 years old he keeps dwelling on the fact how fast we moved I told him he should get past that during this time we have been through so much with him lying and dealing with other femaless, saying he wanted a relationship but in all actuality he did not this finally came out after our baby was born. he's a type of man when you are pregnant by him he feels as though that's a turnoff I thought that this will go away once the baby was born but his feelings are pretty much still the same he told me in a recent conversation that his feelings aren't the same as mine he wants to be co parents and have a partnership in this time he still constantly wants to do family things,take s me out weekly. we show our sexual but most of the time I have to make the moon he likes my aggression but I am sick and tired of it all it's like we're playing house for everyone else but when it comes to him and I we aren't together but everybody elses eyes we are. I love this man but not enough to continually be treated less than what I deserve. everytime I have these conversations with him he gets better and things kinda goes right back to the same. I forgot to mention his mother plays a big role in all of this all the way from south. I don't know if age makes a difference but she is 47 years old never been married never had a serious relationship and I am the first woman to demand things with him. am I wrong?

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Dellla, if he's falling into her mind games and worrying about her family then who is he planning on marrying, you or her? I mean what is that? Soul mate or not there are some things y'all need to get squared away before anybody walks down that aisle. You really don't want to take that crazy mess into a marriage. You two really need to sit down and talk. I mean really talk, and ask him if this, (meaning you and him in a marriage) is what he really wants or is he just going along with it to make you happy. Both of y'all need to be happy with this decision. Best of luck to you.

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      Dellla 3 years ago

      What if his baby mama texts his phone every once in a while with her feelings saying it should be her dating him and carrying his second child.? I'm a little confused because he seem to fall into her mind games and tend to push me away. What should I do I need some good advice. We had a wedding date set but with him worrying about what her and her family will think he pushed it wayyyyyy back, I mean don't get me wrong I love this man with everything I know that he is my soulmate but i'm confused on what I should do in situations like this.

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      tarkishat 3 years ago

      Hi Terry, looks to me like you have a serious situation on your hands. You told him how you feel about his Baby Mama calling at all hours of the night, (by the way that is not normal) and he doesn't see it as a problem? Now it's all up to you. Either you deal with it or you tell him and his Baby Mama to kick rocks. By the way it's kind of hard to make fake messages up if she's showing them to you and they have his phone number attached. If she is going through all that trouble to get him in trouble with you and he doesn't have a problem with that then there relationship is more than about his daughter. Keep your head up and make the decision that's right for you and yours.

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      Terry 3 years ago

      I've been with my now soon do be sons father for 2 years now I know his daughter and she absolutely loves me but baby mamma hates me always calls him at 3am n he says it's about there "daughter" she calls n texts me saying she's still seeing him n sends me screen shots of dirty messages they send to each other he claims there fake messages she is the type to make fake messages judging by the fact she's done it with me saying I text her ....she calls n texts him all the time for any little reason about there daughter I find it to be an excuse to get his attention but in his eyes that's ok if it's about his daughter then it's Fine he always says im being ridiculous n just don't like her he doesn't like me answering her calls or going thru his phone cause he says I'm just looking for something i don't know wHat to do at the point

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      christy 3 years ago

      ive been dealing with this guy since march of this year. he has a bm tht he says hes not with. hes been with me everyday since march. he just went to jail nd alot of shit is coming out the blue. he want his babymama to be there for him sges willing to put everything up for him to get out of jail. I told him tht im losing myself by being with him nd he says he csnt just be my friend. what do he want me to do sit in the visiting room wit her

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      Tiffani 3 years ago

      I recently had a baby by someone I was messing with for 2yrs. I found out he had another girl pregnant the same time as me and our kids are 5 months apart. He currently lives with her but she doesn't know about me. He comes and visits his son but I still don't feel it's enough. It's like he keeps me and his son a secret(I'm the last bm) and he came and saw me still flirts and we end up having sex. How do I go about the situation going forward? I dislike him but still am attracted to him but I know he probably won't stop messing with her either even though he has told me he doesn't love her.

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      keri 3 years ago

      I've been dealing with my boyfriend for 11 months now, I'm 6 months pregnant (I know kinda early) and we are engaged. He has a bm in which he was dating for 8 years and together they conceived two kids ages 2 and 3. She's best friends with all his sisters and mother in which the sisters don't care for me they engage in small talk on Facebook statuses about me knowing I'm pregnant with his child and just adding to the pregnancy stress. They have once to ask about my child or its well being... recently I tried to contact his bm to get on common grounds because overall our kids are gonna be siblings so to form at least a cordial foundation for the kids only so each party can be civil towards each other for the kids sake... well I ask him to ask her if it would be okay for me to get her number since she blocked me on facebook and instead of her replying with yes or no she goes to write a Facebook status about me... of course long and behold his sisters jump to the rescue speaking nonsense. No to mention the reason for them not liking me is all due to "loyalty" they feel as though it would be "two faced" of they were friends with the bm and myself so they chose to be friends with her In which honestly I couldn't give two f*cks about but the fact that they don't want pretty much in my eyes anything to do with my son is beyond me. For "Father's Day" she made a photo collage with a family portrait as well as other pictures of the kids and him and posted it to his Facebook in which he found nothing disrespectful about that... I just need help figuring out if I need to run or just withstand the storm. I recently kicked him out because he to me was just all around disrespectful in addition to the bs I have to put up with his bm and sisters just all around stress...any help..?