As someone who is married to a man who has multiple children with different women, I know all about baby mama drama.
Baby Mama Drama
This subject makes my head hurt simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has baby mama drama. It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle is the director of this soap opera. But some men just don't take that job seriously enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.
Most men tend to fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to making sure everyone knows their place in his world. He would just rather let the chips fall where they may instead of just being honest with everybody. Let them decide to stay or go.
If the new woman in his life cannot accept the fact that he has a child, then she needs to kick rocks. Nobody should ever come between a parent and their child. With that being said, the man needs to take responsibility as a father and as a lover so that he can manage the relationship between his baby mama and his new love interest.
Dating a Man Who Has Children
The man will always be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties. He has to respect both parties. He has to be open with both parties. He also has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.
The most common mistake that a man dealing with baby mama drama makes is he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Continuing to have that kind of relationship sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. The man needs to practice some restraint and have some dignity. If he truly values and cares about making a new relationship work, he cannot continue to be involved with his baby mama.
Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child.
He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end. You'd be surprised at how big of a deal having open communication about these types of things is. If the man can clearly set boundaries and communicates with his new girlfriend openly, much of the baby mama drama goes away.
He Needs to Tell Her the Truth
He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument, but that's not all.
This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so, therefore, she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (including who they're with). So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what would happen next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken an interest in another person.
Hold on—he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye (and believe me all men know the "eye"). But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.
Why Do Guys Always Go Back to Their Baby Mama?
Some men feel a strong connection to their baby mama. The fact that they had a child with this woman gives them a special bond. If your man is having trouble breaking away from his baby mama, you have to let him go. Set some boundaries about what kind of behavior is acceptable and if your man crosses the line, take a hard stance. At the same time, you have to find that balance and understand that your man is always going to have a special bond with his baby mama.
Here are some reasons why a man goes back to his baby mama over you. Keep in mind that these reasons are not your fault! The man is the main actor in this drama, and his choices impact both sides.
- He is doing it for the child: A good father wants to be there for his children, so your man may be trying to get back with his baby mama so that his child can have a more stable home environment. He feels an obligation to give his child a warm and positive environment, something that is difficult to do when mother and father are separated.
- He feels guilty: Your man may feel like he has abandoned his family. This is particularly true if he had multiple children with another woman. He may feel that he did not give his ex a chance to redeem herself in the relationship.
- He still loves his ex: Yes, this is something that can totally happen. Your man may have had valid reasons for breaking it off with his baby mama but that doesn't mean he is totally over her. He most likely had strong feelings for her at some point, and it's hard to get over those and move onto a new relationship, especially when young children are involved.
Signs of a Jealous Baby Mama
Even when you take steps to keep the baby mama in the loop and feeling comfortable with you dating her ex, she may still be jealous of you and your relationship. Here are some signs that show she is jealous of you.
- She has no boundaries: If she shows up unannounced to your place when you are with your man, or starts bumping into you in public, this is a sign she is not respecting the set boundaries of your relationship. She is envious of you, so she wants to mess up your life.
- She's nosy: Under the guise of being friendly, she always asks you what you and your man are up to. She may even get way too personal with her questions and start asking you things that make you feel uncomfortable.
- She says negative things about you to others: Instead of talking to you directly, she goes behind your back and tries to turn your man and others against you. She focuses on negative things or just makes things up to make you look bad in front of her children.
- She gets too close and personal to your man: If she still has any feelings at all for your man, you can bet she will try to woo him to get back with her. She will try to be all flirty and cute around him in an attempt to win his affections back. She may even try to do this in front of you to make you mad.
- She always brings up the past: When you are around her, she always talks about her time with your man. She will make a point to go into detail about how wonderful and romantic it was. She does this out of jealousy and to make you feel insecure about your relationship with her ex.
- She blames you for her problems: She will blame you for taking up time with him that he could be spending with her and the child. She will make you out to be the cause and imply that your relationship with him is causing all of these problems.
- She thinks you are preventing them from getting back together: She may still pine for your man to come back to her, and of course, you are preventing that from happening. She may blame you for their breakup and want you out of the picture in the hopes that her man will come back.
How to Build Trust With a Man Who Has Children
Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having baby mama drama. I had no feelings for him at the time. I just knew that was the first thing that I crossed out on my "I need a man list," no baby mamas! This man had a couple of children. Long story short, he made me go oooh-wee, and things changed for the both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this.
Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas with me right next to him. He would put these women on speakerphone. He did this so that I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this one time. This man did this every time they called his phone. Just by him doing that, it opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.
My Advice to the Women Involved With Men With Children
There are rules and boundaries that you cannot cross when dealing with a man who has a child with another woman. Be mindful that if you're truly planning on making a life with this man, you have to respect his child's mother. She may not like you, but as long as you're showing her the respect of being the mother of his child, then her hate for you will prove worthless. How can you hate someone who respects you?
This advice that I'm about to give will be hard for some to grasp. Those who have strong wills and cool heads will receive this advice as it is. When it comes to your man dealing with his child's mother on matters concerning their child, it is in your best interests to stay out of it. Your relationship is with him, not the baby mama. You and your man can discuss the issues concerning both the baby mama and child, but he must handle his issues with both alone.
If you find out he's still having sex with the baby mama, you have to let him go immediately, unless you're into sharing your man. I hate to tell you this, but if you found out that your man has slept with his baby mama while the two of you have been together, it will not stop. Those ties have yet to be severed, and they won't be until either of them are ready to do it. There's nothing that you can do to make them stop. One of them has to say enough is enough.
Some men feel that once a woman gives birth to his child, she belongs to him forever.
Dealing With Baby Mama Drama
Here are five tips for dealing with baby mama drama. Always try to have some patience and compassion as it's not an easy situation for the man to be in.
- Jealousy is normal: This other woman was a big part of your man's life at one point, and the fact that they share a child is a big deal. At one point she loved him, and maybe she still does. Jealousy is a normal emotion for you and the baby mama to have. Try to not let your emotions get the best of you.
- Develop a relationship with the baby mama: Your man is in the middle of two women, and that is a tough spot to be in. Try to develop a good relationship with the other woman; just don't expect you two to become friends. Make sure she knows that you are not trying to take her place as the mother of the child and acknowledge the special bond she has with your man.
- Be respectful: While you and the other woman getting along might be a bit of a stretch, try to respect her and her wishes. Understand that she wants to do what is best for the child, and you should respect that. Just make sure that your man understands this too and that he understands what his roles and responsibilities are supposed to be.
- Understand your role: You're not responsible for the child in the same way that your man and the other woman are. Understand your role to play in all of this and respect the boundaries established by the baby mama. Don't try to be a second mother to the child. Instead, just try to build a solid relationship with the kid.
- Make your feelings clear: This is really important. Make your feelings clear to your man. If your boundaries are not being respected and your man is not giving you the attention you deserve, let him know. You deserve to be cared for and appreciated as well. That is if he cares about continuing to have a relationship with you.
Renae on August 28, 2020:
I still can't handle the fact that he has a baby with someone else. I love the kid and I'm in love with him, but I don't know what to do. I want to stay with him but I can't get over this. I feel left out they have a special bond weather he hates her or not. Someone please help me on what to do!!!
Cindy on August 19, 2020:
I am currently in a relationship with someone who has two baby mama and him and I have no kids well I have one of my own but my baby daddy isn’t in the picture we have been together for two years he is now my fiancé but I’m always over thinking sometimes I feel like he is hiding stuff from me one of his baby mama is always bugging and not letting him see his kid and the other one is married for like 3 years but yet she always seems to call my fiancé to ask him stuff and his kids have phone sometimes she will even msg him off the kids phone she seems to be really friendly with him someone please give me advice I wanna be with him I love him but I don’t wanna deal with baby mama and feeling like this
Sandy on August 14, 2020:
I met this amazing guy and before we got serious he told me he has a child with anither mady whom he was meant to marry but thigs happened and ut didnt work. Now i have accpeted to date him and we have been cool but i still feel left out,i dont have a problme with his child snd the baby mama,but i noticed whenever BM calls him he always wants to excuse himself from me to talk to her and she even calls him mate at night and very early in the morning. He said hes 60% over her(their relationship didnt end well) andbhe has not told her about us. Please what do i do,i dont want him thinking am being too jealous but truth is am just not comfortable with these things and the fact that hes still hiding our relationship but he claims shes seeing somene else now. Please guys i need your advice
Anna Maria on June 06, 2020:
This is all amazing, so amazing, thank you
Johny on May 25, 2020:
This was very helpful. I am a man with two baby Mama's. I don't have any relationship with my first baby mama as she is a drug addict and therefore i have custody of my child. As far as my other baby mama I have a strict child only relationship. I try to spend as much time with my kids. I pay for all of their financial needs, insurance, clothes etc. My date life is heavily affected by this. It's hard to find a woman to accept all of this. I can see where they're coming from based on all of the negative comments. I hope to find the right woman to share the rest of my life with.
Hurting on May 20, 2020:
I was approached by this guy 7 months ago, which happened that i fell in love with. It happened that the guy was expecting his first child with this older woman which his was dating or involved with. When i found out about the child, he begged me not to live him. I stayed in the relationship because i knew i loved him. I asked him that, he must NOT involve me in anything that has that has to do with his child and the mother and he promised. A few weeks back the baby mama called one night and said that the child is sick. Ff, they are apparently moving in together , and i feel so stupid because at first, i didn't want to continue with the relationship but he begged me. I dont wether im jealous or what but i have a feeling that this arrangement is not going to work out because the BM is forcing this staying together business as she said to the guy that he must choose betwwen me and her. And if he chooses me, he will never see his child. Im hurting so much and i dont know how I could express my self.
The man asked me to come over his place, and i can feel it in my heart when he tells me 'I LOVE YOU' that he geniuanly means it with his whole heart. But i can feel and sense that there is more to this and the new living arrangement. A
A part of me knows that this is not going to work out, (BM and the man). I sencing that the BM is controlling the man, but he does not want admit it because they have a child together now. I just dont know whether to let go of the man and move on...but all i know is IM HURTING!!!
Can someone please advise me how to deal with this as ive lost so much hope and faith in this relationship. And the man keeps on saying he doesnt know what to do...
Confused! on March 14, 2020:
I was going out with this guy for about 3years, during which he used me, belittled me and was cheating on me with several other women. I have never put up with anyone of my ex's, when they screwed up, I left them and that was it but for him, I put up with all his BS. But he still broke up with me in the most heart breaking way ever because he said he'd fallen in love with one of the woman he was cheating on me with. I gave him what he wanted, collected what was left of me and disappeared.
He made her pregnant the first month that she came into his life. During her pregnancy he started messaging me again telling me he misses everything about me. I didn't acknowledge any of his messages I just brushed it aside, I thought because she was pregnant, he was just looking for someone to satisfy his needs. When she gave birth, I thought the messages would stop but it didn't. He would message me every time he got drunk regretting all the things he had done to me. Then one night, he came crying to me. Again, regretting everything he's done to me, telling me he realizes now that he's made a terrible mistake, he was blinded by lust. He didn't regret having his son, but the person he made the child with was a mistake he said! And no, I do not have any ill feelings towards that innocent little boy, he's a blessing. So he asked if i could give him one more chance to prove himself, to fix us, right his wrongs. I told him that he should deal with his baby mama drama first before we try to fix us because the baby mama lives with him. He told me that our situation would be complicated but he assured me that he'd try his best to fix things. So we started seeing each other again and she found out about it, actually she had hints that he was messaging me from the start. That was when he told her whatever feelings he had for her, he didn't feel that anymore. She started provoking me into arguing with her. She'd find all kinds of ways to start up something with me. She'd even DM me calling me a home wrecker and a mistress and tarnishing my name on social media, saying all kinds of things about me. I respected the fact that she is the mother of his child so I never fought back..believe me, it took so much will power to ignore everything she was saying. Because I don't want to be the reason she takes his son and leave on a bad note. But i did tell her one time that whatever problems she has, she needs to take it up with him and I also told her the fact I didn't entertain her messages was because of that little boy and his relationship with his father. If I had it my way, I'd have dragged her out that house and beat the living day lights out of her for all the pain she has caused me.
Anyway, she even uses his son as leverage against him to keep him in line. In doing so, he keeps her happy so she dosen't leave with his son. I love this guy, I've been in love with him since I started falling for him and mind you, he has been a pain since day one, but I've never stopped loving him, even when he was emotionally torturing me. I don't know if I'll ever stop loving him.
He told her that he has given up on her, the only reason why she's still living in his house is because of his son. But it was not because of me that he gave up on her but because he sees now that he has made a mistake in choosing her. She still thinks it's because of me though.
That little boy has changed him for the good. He does everything right by me, he treats me so differently from how he did before and I know he's telling me the truth, I had my doubts at first.
But the thing is, he knows he has a child with someone else but he doesn't consider the things I say or feel, he says he's doing things not to please her but for the sake of his son and I get that, but there are certain things he needs to share with me as well but he is not doing that. In doing so he confuses me and I am left to wonder what I'm doing with him, and I assume the worst.
Can anyone who has been/is in the same situation as me share your experiences with me?
Right now I am on the fence, wondering if I should go, or if I should stay?
Reshonda Garner on January 27, 2020:
Hello Im reshonda i been with my man for almost 2years now and we have a 1 year old child together he reason just found out he the father of 2 year old girl aaliyha and that he have to pay child support for this child now that she be coming around the girl act like she dont like me and we just found out that she dont want the child around me at all what i do about let it go move on or just let play out it self
Anonymous on January 23, 2020:
I am writing here for an honest and unbias oppinion on my situation.
I have been living with my partner for 1.5 yrs and dating him for 2 yrs.
He has an 8 year old daughter but has been seperated from her mother for 5 years. While they were together they adopted a dog but when they broke up his ex kept the dog as it is what she wanted because of thier daughter. My partner is a dedicated father and pays all the childs expenses and has her over every weekend ( fri to sun) sometimes the dog also came along for the visits. His ex is now in a realtionship with another man and they have a baby who is 1.5 yrs old . When the baby was born she asked if we could keep the dog for a few months but 1.5 yrs later she will not take the dog back. I am now pregnant, work fulltime,study,take care of a household and have 2 dogs of my own. We also have my partners daughter over every weekend. She is a stay at home mum with 2 men supporting her. Am i crazy to think this situation is unjust?
SSH on January 16, 2020:
I have come to a point in my life of having peace around me and no unnecessary drama. I can live with that. You only get one life. It took me a while; too long to realize the gift of sanity.
Portia on January 09, 2020:
Hey i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now.He got the second born with the other girl well am still dating him.We always fight bcs of the drama of his baby mama i dont blame the lady bcs my boyfriend when am not around he call the lady to his place.We are not staying together now as i talk am pregnant and he is not around his busy with the baby mama again he have sex with her.When i want to break up with his he refuse.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE ADVICE AM TIRED OF CHASING HIM ALL THE TIME WELL.
Irn on December 14, 2019:
Hey..i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now..we started staying together last year and we now have a son. He has another son with another woman, he told me so since we started dating problem is now he wants to bring the son to live with us. He dint even consult me about it he just decided he want him to come live with us.the kid is 11 years I am opposed to this. Am so stressed about it..please advice
S.S on December 04, 2019:
But if my husband has told her something 3 or more times. Then can I explain if she doesn't get it?
Don't know what to do anymore on November 27, 2019:
Im in a relationship with this guy,nd when we met he told me that she has a gf nd hez no longer wth his bm...then its fine i agreed to be in a relationship wth him...not so long ago i found out that she has another gf aside nd when i asked him he didnt respond...nd i also asked him why his neighbours are looking at me like they jst saw a ghost he said the neighbour must mind their own business so then i thot naah mayb im not the only gf that comes here...recently i jst found out that he called bm to bring their son nd then the bm didnt go back she slept at his place nd they had sex right now i dont what to do,am i an idiot in this relationship or am i doing the right thing being wth him after all these things i knw nd heard about him?Pls i need help nd i love the guy so much
holly on November 11, 2019:
ii dealt with this drama for two years it is very hard and she and kids lived out of state so figure that but she finally broke us up not that she wants him either he has money and he gives her thousand of dollars anything she needs it for not their young adult children and with me all he did was sit around crying he has no money truthfully i dont even think he is divorced all that man did to me is lie i never understand but i had gut feelings for those two years i almost positive he use to sleep with her when he went to visit his kids cause she has some hold on him for sure
Gabby on October 24, 2019:
I have a ? And want to see if im over reacting, my boyfriend and i been together 7 years he has 3 baby mothers, we argue and go bck and forth wth his last baaby mother they have a( 10 year old together) because it feels like she has a saying in my house she will tell him ( i work tomorrow im dropping her off) or she is staying wth yall the weekend he will just say ok. This last he has done is his son 17 year and her son 16 play in tge same team (football) so if he is running late he will message her and ask if she can pick his son up they communicate more then then we do, he says its because he knows im busy and i cant and that easy when she is all ready picking her son up. I find that disrespectful even though his not my son he lives wth us i cook clean,pick up drop off sick day why does he have to communicate wth her about his son when half the time im the one who picks their daughter up from day care she is always wth me kus the mama excuse she is working i have talked to him but he says he sees no wrong and i have 2 choice to accept it or we break up. Am i wrong for feeling this way?
Anonymous on October 16, 2019:
Okay so i have a boyfriend that has 2 kids and i don't get along with his baby mom because of our past. I been knew her and long story short,
this pasted Sunday my boyfriend youngest had a picture of my boyfriend his baby mom and the 2 girls his daughters (family picture) And i felt so uncomfortable unwanted like i don't belong. Honestly i am really confused thinking if i should even break up with him. It came to reality that thats his bm and she will always be around it was scary and im unsure if its worth staying. Ive spoke to my boyfriend and he says im crazy and that is his youngest daughter and he will support her 100% if she wants to carry a picture of his past. Can Anybody please give me good advise?
Ndahafa on October 14, 2019:
My boyfriend who is also the father of my 2 years girl,he is having another 2 women's who also one is having 1 years old boy and the other one 2 years old but is bigger to my girl with some months.he want to keep making sex with both of us,the other women's live in the same city ,me I live in different city,I try thinking about the whole situation but I don't know if I am being selfish ,I am just concern about the danger of diseases since he sleep with both of us without any protection.i think I need advice on this before I made a wrong decision,if I am wrong please help me
Merandia Hayes on October 03, 2019:
My current cheated on me with his baby mama, i was also pregnant. I lost our daughter a month later and she tells everyone that i lied about being pregnant. She says im the reason they broke up (even though i didn't even know him before they broke up) him and i began to date four months after they broke up.
She is jealous and says that its my fault he doesn't see his daughter. NO. In reality she keeps her from him because he wont get back with her and chooses to be with me and love my son as his own.
Loretta934@gmail.com on October 01, 2019:
while me and my ex got back together were separated for 8 months we got back together and come to find out that his baby mama living at his grandma's house she was sleeping in the room with this with their son and he was sleeping in the living room he swears up and down they didn't do nothing but I feel like he swears up and down they didn't do nothing but I feel like they do mess around here and there when no one's around
Yekini Israel on October 01, 2019:
I just think your assistant please can you just help me out
Tonia on September 13, 2019:
My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing as that I was pregnant with our second baby. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all until my best friend connected me to
Khaylah on September 12, 2019:
This was so helpful...Thank you
Anonymous on August 23, 2019:
I have started dating a guy for 2 months now. He has kids and no I have no problem with the kids. The mother is concerning.. I often feel less than her. I recent found her laying on our bed. I was pissed. She’s lives with us. I feel like it’s becoming stained. I always worry about if he really wants me. Everyone I’ve talk to said they be off too. He tells me there’s nothing to worry about with her but at the same time I know their history. It’s hurts me. I understand he has a duty to his kids.
holly on August 22, 2019:
i left my live in boyfriend i could not take all his lies very sneaky with ex wife never honest it drove me crazy and when i lived with him he never had money so he claimed but when the ex needed money for a new house he gave her it i found out he has plenty of money hes not broke he has a mieser issue but only can go to ex wife i sat in our apartment and did nothing and when i moved out he had no idear why such a messed up man im sured he would sleep with her she moved to another state and he use to stay at her house he used to go on vacation every year with kids he lied and took her on vacation and shared a hotel room together when he was with me i was stupid that i stayed and moved in with him i guess i was blinded by the love i felt for him we dated thirty five years ago i was his first love and i think now he is to involved with his ex his kids are 17 and 20 he and her still treat them like babys i think it very odd that this man always treated his ex wife like his wife and they were only married five years is it weird or is it me i left him five months now and i still am mad at all the lies im getting better i just dont understand
Neicy on August 21, 2019:
My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because he couldn’t deal with his baby mama and the stress on his job...Man this man was great to me.. open doors for me.. Very respectful and sweet to every...It seems like we been together forever..We had a lot in common and we made an instant connection..He wanted to come to me and talk with me before but I couldn’t stand him..I just didn’t like him and the. I
Decided to give him a chance..He promise he would not include his drama..But anyways everything was great going good until he stop texting me like he always did...He started changing and I notice this...He wouldn’t text me for days...So my gut feeling told me something was wrong..He ended our relationship because he said his baby mama keep coming back into his house..She has no place to go and her family is in another state..They dated for 13 years and she would come back in his house after she get beat up with her boyfriend another man..And everything he does is for his daughter..They have a 6 yr old...And every time she sees her mommy she be happy..He love his daughter so much he will sacrifice the baby mama staying in the house with him even though they bot together..I fuss him out because I didn’t understand his situation..He has been going through a lot with this women..She doesn’t work and get a check for his daughter which has Autism and she uses all the money to do drugs etc with this money she should get..Then when she gets the check she leaves his house...She does this every month..And then she comes back to him when she gets beat up...Stays until she gets a check and leaves again..The daughter blames her daddy for letting her go but he doesn’t..She leaves in her own...Then the boyfriend and her come up to the job and ask for money from him..Her boyfriend doesn’t work either..All the time...So he has to deal with that...I tell him things but he doesn’t want la to listen..He acts like he scared...This man is 51 years old and still going through this...Makes no sense..I was hurt by our relationship ending because we had a spark going..It seems like we were made for each other...I haven’t had a relationship in 12 years...12 now....Our chemistry was great..But he just doesn’t want me in his mess...I did think him but I am hurt..I really love this man even though we been together for 5 months..I got too connected with him....So I just want to comment on this and tell y’all my story...I just learn not to get involve with any man who takes care of his children and has his baby mama living with him which I didn’t know...She come and go a lot but still I will get to know the next man more before we start dating..I jumped into it without knowing the facts first...Thanks for reading
Jessica on July 23, 2019:
Okay what does it mean when he keep telling me he don’t want his Babymama and he wants me
Ex wife and bm on July 13, 2019:
I’m tell y’all something. You girl friend’s and wives should know that wasn’t mentioned in this article. If the bm isn’t completely done with that man then your man is always up for grabs. The fathers never stop trying to have sex with the bm. Never ever can’t get rid of them
Tony on July 01, 2019:
For the single dad's who have custody of their kids.
Has anyone had an issue with mom not wanting to watch the kids.
It's starting to cause a rift between my gf and I. We can't go out on a date, or just get a break from the kids because their mother refuses to watch them. Always claiming to be busy. But her and her guy go out all the time
Kinda sucks. Further more the gf is bitching at me like I can force the mom to watch them. Any advice? I've asked many times over the last 4 years of our divorce with the same result of getting told no and chewed out or cussed out for asking.
Fed up on June 21, 2019:
I''m so pisses..i have been in a relationship with "my" man for 8years and it's been nothing but chos from jump..i'm planning on leaving becus it has caused me too much stress and i deserve to be Happy and not cheated on.. When he wants to spend time with his jids its always on her terms becus she still wants him and he actually spend nights over her hse and we live together claiming he eas spending time with his kids..yeah ok. And i've had enough like any man that cares and value a relationship wiyh go by and pick the kids up not lay around like u live there..i'm so hurt becus i have explained to him multiply times how i feel about it and he continues to do it. Dating a man with a jealous bm is stressful and i've had enough..we dont get along so why would i still want to sleep with a man who clearly is still involved..i cnt deal
Leah on June 15, 2019:
Whenever my husbands baby mama didnt get her way or wanted extra money , she would withhold his daughter. She wanted all the control, so he took her to court got legal joint custody, no more calling shots for her. State of florida dont look kindly on parents who withhold children , she learned the hard way
Mary on June 12, 2019:
my daughter is getting married and wants a pic of me and her dad together in their wedding photo, but we are divorced. problem is my boyfriend of 6 years says its wrong because we are divorced. I will take the pic for my daughter we are still her parents , my boyfriend says I'm f****** him if I do it. please I need some words of wisdom
Unknown on June 11, 2019:
I can't stand my man baby mama .no respect ,lies,
Julie on June 10, 2019:
My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago. We were both newly single. I had broken up with whom I thought I was going to marry. We were together for 6 years and my bf had gotten off a 2 year relationship with the mother of his then 1 1/2 year old son. I knew I didn’t want to be with someone with a child. Especially that young. We kept in touch and after a year we got together. I during that first year of “friendship” i invited him to Vegas. We had an early flight to catch so I invited him to sleep over so we could leave together. In the middle of the night I heard his phone go off and it was his BM. She had invented some story about her “losing” her son while she was out drinking with her friends at Buffalo Wild Wings. In a moment of panic, I lent him my car and when he returned he told me that it was all a planned act to get him to see her. I was annoyed but not to the point to completely upset me( this was bc I didn’t really see him as someone I would want a relationship with. Plus, my ex whom I was obsessed with was constantly calling me to see if I still loved him) okay side story: my ex boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me bc I noticed that he was messaging other girls. Although I wouldn’t see him activly cheating on me bc he was always with me and the girls he would message would leave him on read lol but we broke up bc he wanted to be single( I get it I was his first and he has never been with any other girl but me since hs) so I let him be. Mind you, the whole year that me and my current bf were hanging out not officially together me and my ex would mess around and I would try to get back with him. Btw never worked out. Anyway after the Vegas trip I never heard any more drama from the BM and I chose not to know or look for clues bc I was still stuck on my ex. We continued this friendship until September when we went to Mexico. We got together and the whole relationship seemed sooooo effortless. We never fought, never argued and the only times we had a heated discussion was when my ex would come to my house, knock on my window drunk af asking for me. There have been numerous times where I was the problem. My ex would not stop calling me or looking for me yet I never gave my bf a reason to believe that I was cheating ( I wasn’t ) and I never encountered any problems from his BM. Fast forward to now, my ex doesn’t cause anymore trouble but since the relationship has gotten more serious. We’re talking about marriage and a home. I let my guard down. And there have been a few moments where I feel like him and BM are a little friendlier than he paints it to be. I always encouraged him to speak to his BM and join any event that concerned his son and he would say hell nooo! Or I would encourage him to talk to her directly for any thing concerning his son and he would deny that there is any communication at all. That all calls and confrontation is from either the grandma or brother. Yesterday I decided to go through his phone for the first time since I’ve known him. I did not see any messages from other girls nothing to make me suspicious of him cheating but what bothered me most is that he lied to me. He lied to me about joining school events, birthday parties or speaking to her. I was upset and now idk if I could be with him. My issue before beginning this relationship was him having a kid. I never felt comfortable being with him but I tried. And I feel betrayed bc after I tried to be in a relationship with him and told him about my reservations he lied. And I was always so supportive of him keeping an amicable relationship with the BM so he would feel that I was okay with it. I was upset that he lied to me about speaking to her. And my question is should I stay with him even thought he lied about something this small. I know others would say I’m overreacting but I feel that if he lied to me about ever speaking to her after I saw countless threads of text messages (although not sexual or intimate) should I trust him or be with him. I feel like maybe he’s hiding or will hide something more hurtful in the future. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation. I feel like I’m letting him get comfortable with lying to me if I go back to him. The text messages seem like one thing but what about when they meet for drop offs? Or phone conversations.
I really love him and like I said our relationship has been soooo amazing. We enjoy each other’s company we never argue or fight it so hard we both express how we’ve never been this happy with anyone else.
Joyce on May 25, 2019:
My boyfriend is keeping our relationship as a secret to his babymama , what makes us urgue more they calling eachother loving names but he claims to love me , am in a cross road what should I do?
Maria on May 08, 2019:
Am the confused lady my baby daddy after 2years he now wants to support his son in all means he has a wife who is now 9months pregnant am not a lady who goes around ruining people relationship .the issues is I am planning to get married if say this to my husband what will happen will he trust me again, that the only thing between me and the baby daddy is my son only will my son respect my husband after realizing this is not his real dad kindly advise me on this if you have passed through such an issues
Thanks in advance
Mommyoffour on March 05, 2019:
Why is love and life so complicated
Tasha on December 26, 2018:
I want trying to reply to some comments but didn't know how. How do I?
Minxchelle on December 16, 2018:
WOW! So much of this article is BS! I hope most of you gals will find a more reliable source of information.
Your BD DOES NOT have any EXTRA SPECIAL relationship with his babymom that he doesn't have for you...in fact the truth should be that you and him have a very unique connection which is why he is with you and not her. So to all the stepmoms out there, yes you have to respect babymom as the babymom but that is all.
Also the biggest mistake Babydads make is not cutting sexual ties with Babymom? I DOUBT IT! I am sure there are alot of fuckboys who use the fuck out of their babymom and mentally abuse them and gaslight them into thinking that they are special so he can continue to be a jerk. Stay away from any man who was ever in a toxic on again off again relationship with his babymom. If you know any man has a history of abuse and not treating women right, why would you be with them?
Babydads...YOU DO NOT NEED TO INFORM YOUR BMS OF YOUR NEW LOVE INTERESTS!! This is ridiculous. I don't see anywhere that Babymoms should inform babydads if they meet someone. I don't see why it even concerns the babymom. As long as he doesn't introduce her to the kid as gf without saying anything it is okay and the Babydad can let her know when he is ready. Do they get permission everytime they bring their kid around every friend? NO! If your BD feels like he needs to do this maybe you need to consider where his loyalty lies.
Once a woman gives birth to a child the man thinks she belongs to him forever? Bullshit. I am sure there are a small percentage of men who think this way but they would not leave bm if he still thought she 'belonged' to him.
There are so many poor resources out there about this subject no wonder its always such a mess
Raye Gause on December 16, 2018:
What I’m going to say may make some women uncomfortable. I would be considered a “baby mama”.Have I been the girlfriend before, yes. I have a three-year-old and I am pregnant currently. If a man is being secretive about the relationship with his baby mother to any extent. Like keeping you to separated or even not wanting you to to speak. He is lying to you, it is very well possible he may never have broken things off with his baby mother to begin with. My baby father lies to females all the time and tries to say that my son is it his or that i dont exist. But when he’s with me we are planning the baby shower, picking items up for the baby and he wants to even name him. I’ve heard stories that my child’s father says that I’m crazy and he’s been trying to get rid of me. its BULLSHIT. I broke off the relationship as of Tuesday and he got extremely upset and sent me 7 long text messages of hurt feelings. I broke the relationship off because I found out that he was denying me and our son. Before Tuesday,We spoke every day whether it was through FaceTime or him calling me or texting me and we spoke all day every day. Of course we were sleeping together regularly and we were supposed to be working things out between us . He has been an on and off relationship for 5 years. My baby father will tell people he doesn’t want me but anytime I break up with him he cries even told him that he can go on with his life and he doesn’t have to be in our sons life since he is denying him. Guess who begged and pleaded me not to take HIS son away. IF there is not already a set co parent situation RUNNNN.
Tiffany on December 10, 2018:
Hello to all,
I have never though that I will go though such situation in my life, but 4 days ago I found out from my boyfriends phone that he have a son with another woman. I am still in shock. As he told me, his baby mama was always causing him a problems and she left him with the child and since 2013, he have not seen him. He left the country to pursue with his studies and we met afterwards.
We have been together for almost 5 years and we have child who will turn 3 soon.
I am so concerned and worried that it makes me even sick.
I would understand if he would tell me at the beginning of our relationship, because I would not consider to be with a man who have child(Bad experience from the past).
I am thinking that he might go to her if he returns or travels to his country.
Although, he said that he never loved the woman, but he loves only me and my son so much.
I would like to hear so many opinions, because at the moment I can not accept that my boyfriend have a child with another woman.
Thank you in Advance!
Tammy on December 09, 2018:
Okay hello to all
I just really need some help I been seeing my male friend for over 11months now and he has a 2 yrs old son and his bm don’t know nothin about me but he knows everything about me and and I keep askin him when are we going to be together he tells me let it flow so then on top of that he friends with all her family members and lives right door to her first baby daddy and I’m just lost I don’t know
rachelren on December 04, 2018:
Hello, I am in a situation which may have a clear answer to some people but for me it’s very confusing and I am lost.
I have been with my BF for 3 years now and we just bought a house and things have been tough, but we’ve worked through them. I started seeing him shortly after he was separated from his ex wife of 12 years (2 kids together also). Despite all of the bad, and good, situations we have been though lately another situation has came about. His ex wife found out we purchased a house and a new vehicle together and she became crazy, out of anger and jealousy I’m assuming. She started using the court system as a way of falsely accusing me of all sorts of things- both civil and criminal. Recently she filed a claim against me for alienation of affection (Allowed in NC) several months after she filed a lawsuit against him for unpaid expenses she was “owed”. She has absolutely no solid claim against any accusation she is making against me but this is stressful. She is not used to him saying NO to her and not giving her exactly what she’s asking for, so she’s using the courts to threaten me in hopes of getting him to cave. Now, similar situations have been going on for 3 years now (they have been DIVORCED 3.5 YEARS) and he has recently just hired a lawyer to help him in this case and try to get some custody of his 13 year old daughter thatvshe is keeping from him and using as a middle person. What I cannotbunderstsnd or begin to try and understand is why he is letting this woman not only treat me bad but treat him like a piece of crap when he has been amazing to her and the kids. He constantly complains about the lawyer fees he has to spend and has become distant to me and when I try to ask him or lightly talk to him about anything to do with her or the situation he becomes very defensive and almost angry with me. I understand they were married for 12 years with 2 children but she is a completely awful person to him, it’s unexplainable. I know nobody can understand fully from just what I try to explain here, but can someone ANYONE give me some insight to this behavior, maybe someone who has gone through a similar situation? I know I should have packed my bags and left a long time ago, but I love him and he is a great guy. I know he cares about me in a way but I cannot understand this continued behavior.
Thank you in advance for any advice
Madison Marie 01 on December 04, 2018:
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years now just found out that he is a father. We broke up for about 2 months at the end of 2017. He got with a girl, she accidentally got pregnant then 2 weeks later he finds out the she was cheating on him the whole 2 months. So he’s figured the kid can’t be his. Fast forward to today. It’s been almost a year it’s been almost a year since we got back together and we just found out that the 5 month old baby is his. I been with him since she was less than a month pregnate. And 3 1/2 years before this. Now I’m just having trouble with the whole baby mama thing. She says I can’t be around when he goes and see the baby. But it’s just hard to wrap my head around that I’m suddenly having to sit in the backseat of my relationship when I’ve been with his for almost 4 years. I understand that there’s a child and she come first. I know that she the mother of his kids now but I’ve been around way longer than she has and I feel like she should respect that also. We are going to be getting married soon and I as well as my boyfriend want all the communicating to go through me to keep transparency. Is there any advice anyone can give me to make this any easier.OH and also to inform you that I’m just 18. My boyfriend is 22 and she is 21. And she also think she can push me around bc I’m in her words “only a kid”. But I’m more level headed than she will ever be. But anyways Any advice? Please or just anyone who been in a similar situation.
Chastity Mae on November 24, 2018:
I’ve been with my man for about a year now. We’ve had BM drama from this entire time. We live together but she doesn’t want me around the kid. Which is fine, and I respect that but she calls everyday questioning where I am. I live with my man but the child isn’t with us just on the weekends which is when I leave so I’m not around her. Just sometimes that means I do not see my man and I am not sure what they are doing because she is just so demanding or jealous. He cheated on me with her one time and swore they haven’t done it since then but I don’t know what to do anymore I am in a stump.
Dominique on November 19, 2018:
I been with my boyfriend for a year and a half so he told me he want to be with me and his bm so his bm is crazy and she cheated on him with his homeboy so we get into a fight and he still left but he said that he still with me he wants to get married and have kids but I don’t know how to show him his bm never love him like I did
Jayme on November 19, 2018:
I have a question I’m not sure how to go about this situation. How close is to close with your man and is baby mama. I’ve been in a relationship with is man for 2yrs now he have twins together he has 2 oldest kids from a previous relationship. Now we all get along for the most part he’s also a very good hands in father with his oldest girls 10 and 12. Now where my problem comes in and first let me just say this I absolutely have no problems when my man has to do errands for his BM that has to involve his children that is not my issue. My issue starts to come in when he begins to rely on her for everything like doing resumes for him filling out applications. Getting phones in the morning to pick her up from work or when she needs rides to and from school. Remind you this lady is married with a husband but every time she’s in an argument with her husband she feels the need to call my man and he goes running to her for whatever she needs. There has been plenty of times when I needed to run errands for my 9month old twins but if she was to call I had to stop what I’m doing just so he can take her to do what she has to do. He says their just friends so it’s okay. But if I was to do anything of things I stated on him with the father of my oldest child he would have a FIT... he constatly interrogates me where I’m going or who I’m talking to onthe phone but I’m suppose to just accept the fact that it’s okay for him to do all these favors for his BM that has nothing to do for the kids. Should I be concerned or is this the new normal now
Rochelle on November 16, 2018:
I been dating this guy who has a baby mama. I have a child from a previous relationship no baby daddy drama for him. But for me it affects our relationship cause she would keep his daughter away n then blame him say he never comes see his daughter. She a master manipulator. I read all the texts about him wanted to get his daughter for the weekend she says no. She said my daughter n I are in the way of their daughter. She dont want to be over our house she hasn't been over here consistently...she put him on child suppose n told him That what he gets for leaving her to take care of their child by herself. She tells him his daughter dont want to be over here doesn't love him no more etc. She has mild austic she is 5 years old. My bf been crying Alot lately....he almost broke up with me yesterday because of all the things she said to him, he believed her.then later he apologize to me he said he will never say that to me again nor want to leave me...That he didnt want to lose me...i been with him for 5 months we do live together...reason y he broke up with her cause he wasnt happy she stole his money from combat and live off it but she lied said she went to school just doing Alot of sneaky stuff she wasnt trustworthy...then he met me she said Alot of negative stuff about me
VICKKYJJ on October 22, 2018:
My curiosity led me to finding out how my so called husband has been cheating on me, I got to know he was about selling of the restaurant because of the lady she met online. I got to know all this with the help of CYBERQUEEN107 AT GMALE. She gave me access to his messages and mails which includes his location. She is very fast and reliable
Rocmo on October 22, 2018:
Hey I need advice on something. I was dating a guy for 2 yrs (I’m 27 now and he’s 37) who had one baby mother and a 7 year old child. They broke up when the child was 1 however they would have sex on and off thru the years, the last time they had sex was 6 months before me and him dated after his 35th bday party. The reason I left him was because during the time we were together he would do stuff for her that did not directing affect their child like help her with a down payment of a car, help her out with her constant personal money problems such as give her extra money on top of the child support money and recently helped pay her tuition at the community college she is attending. He communicated all these things to me after the decision was made like weeks later or months later. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable because it made me believe he was still in love with her or she has some type of hold on him. He would say over and over that he wasn’t and he wouldn’t get back with her. I didn’t feel secure in the relationship so I left. Mind you in the last 2 years I haven’t met or ever spoke to her. During the first 8 mos of us dating his daughter graduated kindergarten and she told him she would beat my ass if I showed up! Which was weird because I had never met or spoken to her. A month ago was his child’s 7th birthday and they had a birthday party for her and he asked his baby momma if i could go and she made up a hundred excuses as to why I couldn’t. Did i make the right decision?
Selene39268 on October 15, 2018:
So a few months ago i got into a relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and of course the baby mama drama. Its also my first relationship as a single mother as well so we are both new at this. Nothing to horrible has happened yet thank god but the one thing that bothers me the most is when it comes to his babys mom he let's her get away with almost everything.shes always texting him. Especially when him and i are together having sex etc. But the biggest kicker for me is he cant keep any of his promises he made me when it comes to her. Like telling her to back off and give us space or not spending the night at her place cause he knows it makes me uncomfortable. And not always texting her while hes with me. If he cant keep his word how can i take him seriously?. Ive talked to him and told him how i feel and he said he would stop...more than once.but he never does. Right now i guess im just struggling trying to decide if i should trust him or not. He says he doesn't love her anymore and theres no chance of them getting back together but how they both act and treat each other leaves room for plenty mistakes to happen and there's already been one that did. This is all new for me and i really need some honest stable advice. Please help!
Unknown on October 04, 2018:
My bf has a kid with his ex, we been together for 3 years. Baby mama been pregnant with her new relationship but there always something happened. They been texting back and forth ab the baby. He stays supportively and sometimes she wont let him see his child. Whenever something like that happened she always blames on me. “ because of her that why......” We bought clothes every seasons for the baby but she never wear it to him. When we tell him yto bring something home he said “ no my mom will throw it away” and he is only 4 years old. Not too long ago i just found out an old friend got her call and talked ab mine and her baby daddy’s relationship.( we were friends before).but that does not hurt me just makes me laugh cause she been hating me and cant get over it. She even told het child about his me and his dad. She is so happy when he said he does not want to come over on the weekend and record him saying it. She didnt know that it been more than 5 times he cried and said didnt want to go home with his mom because he hated him. She was not around that much. I showed her respect by asking her to go eat with the kids to showing her that my kids and their kid are playing well together but she denied. Now she started not letting him sleepover with his dad like how she did before. She said that she hate my family and wont let her son spend a night there. One day when we had breakfast togther he said he does not like me . Thats broke my heart a little when your man’s child does not like you. But its is okay now he does not spend lot of time here anymore im seeing him less. You guys are lucky to have a good baby mama who respects and appreciates what you do. But this baby mama drama im dealing with is another level. Even my bf says she does not have brain and ignorance.
FED UP! FRUSTRATED! CONFUSED! on September 27, 2018:
My Fiancé has a soon to be 10yr old daughter out on the West Coast with his BM. The kids b-day is coming up soon, so he’ll be flying out there from here in NY to be with her, which I think is great. Anyway, my thing is with him should I be at all concerned that he has his BM on his Facebook friend list and Snapchat and god knows what other Sicial media platform? I’m looking at it like he and his BM call and FaceTime, Text she sends him photos of his daughter doing various activities and at various functions, etc via iPhone. Why the need to follow on Social media as well?? Even with his family events, he’s always updating her about and sending her photos, etc. As soon as she found out about me instant child support papers were drawn up and sent his way despite the fact he was already supporting his daughter. Even when his daughter comes to visit him here in NY, I’m not all that interactive with her because she’s very animated and insinuates and says a lot of things she shouldn’t (which I’ve chalked up to her mothers continuous brain washing) and she low key compares me to her mom as if to imply her mom is the better choice for her dad in her eyes, which I can understand why she would feel that way...but still
Kristonya on August 31, 2018:
My boyfriend is incarcerated and we have been together for a year and half .. His son mother was coming but then she stopped.. Now he wanted me to meet the son and the mother .. She goes of the edge then start tellin me that he said that he loves her and want to be with her . In the mix of things he ask me to marry him . I’m so confused if I never met her then I would have never known .. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I ended the relationship.. I need ur advice plz..
No name ... on August 05, 2018:
My boyfriend has a 3 month old with his ex in mexico i have been with him since he new she was pregnant when he told his baby moma he was going to be there for his child but not for her because he was with me and she told him he wont let him see the baby if he was not going to be with her that she was only going to let his parents and family see the baby now the baby is 3 month old and my boyfriend mom sends him pictures and videos of the baby should i get mad or feel insecure if he doesnt tell me ive been with him since day one i think he should tell me or am i wrong? Another thing is that ive been living with my boyfriend 2 months ago and he tells me he wants to have a baby with me i do want to but he has a baby it doesnt feel right i need to hear opinons please
A nony mouse on August 02, 2018:
I am the ex wife. Here is my story. Ex walked out on me and his 10 month old child, to be with mistress. It did not work out for him and so he became a right pain in the arse. Child contact was ordered by the courts. Our son was in the process of being diagnosed with autism. For the sake of our son, I tried to build a business like relationship. To this end, I started a contact book as requested by his barrister. In it, I put all information pertaining to his son. So the book contained copies and invites to all assessments and parent courses and also all of the resultant reports. He never turned up to any of the things he was supposed to turn up to and he frequently missed his contact sessions, which was frequently a blessing, as he was nothing but abusive when he turned up. He seemed to think that he was making me jealous by bragging about all these women that were so much better than me, that he had supposedly shagged. What he did not seem to realise was that I was too knackered by looking after a disabled toddler to care about his sex life. He had left us so short of money, that we were obliged to move to a cheaper area. He thought this meant that the courts would grant him whatever contact pattern that was suitable to him. Big mistake, the courts deemed his lack of interest in his child, to be damaging and put a stop to contact. And no I didn't want him back and surprise, he is divorced from wife number 2 now.
Karenolidg on July 31, 2018:
Its not over yet! have you tired your best to seek solution to help your self and your union? i know of a couple who had problems in their marriage and have already filled for divorce, She contacted this great man and their union was saved and today its blessed with twins.. Take a bold step today to save your union together.. You cant get solution when you don't try, You can not win without practice" God has given a lot of disciple powers to intercede on our behalf when we are down and in need of his attention... Linkup this great man today Via : spirituallove at hotmail .com
No name on July 30, 2018:
My ex cheated on me after 7years with the chick he had a one night stand with before we got together who had his kid but has never had anything to do with her or the kid then cheats on me with her after 7years leaves me with no words and starts a realtionship with her
jazlynn on May 24, 2018:
so my boyfriend didnt tell me he had a baby mama and she had hit me up on face book saying all this stuff about him so i had told him and he said that she dont love her nor the baby but his baby mama always telling me stuff about him and stuff and i dont know what to do
destiny on May 23, 2018:
and he lets me read theres messages and the mom tells me everything and like hes really honesty with me about everything but i dont know yo
destiny on May 23, 2018:
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months but when we hit 2 months i broke up with him and then got with someone else like a month later and he found out and went to have sex with this girl and got her pregnant but then me and him got back together eventually and she would always try to fight me and say all this stuff trying to ruin mine and his relationship then she left the state but would always try and start problems with him telling him he cant have the baby or nothing and now shes back and 5 months pregnant and shes going to start going to his house and stuff but he loves me to death and ive tried to tell him to just go be with her for the baby yet he doesnt want her he just wants to be apart of his kids life which i respect but im only 16 and hes 17 and this is too much for me and hes my first love and i dont want to leave him but i dont know how to deal with this on my own and ive talked to him and his mom about it and we made rules like they cant be alone together and she cant be in his room but i dont know im still hurt and stressing about this everyday and i just need some advice but not advice where its like "you need to leave him your too young" like i know already but i need some other type of advice thats makes this end good or that is helpful.
Miss21 on May 20, 2018:
My boyfriend baby mom always just showing up dropping the child and staying and he allowed her too don't tell her nothing and stay in his room this sucks i appericiate that he told me because I ask but how am I suppose to feel
Brandon miller on May 14, 2018:
Baby ma had a baby by another man and she said it was mines is it time to move on somebody please let me no
Michael Ward on April 28, 2018:
So her friend harasses the hell out of me and tells me that she is hurt, alone, homeless, 1 month pregnant and scared, I wanted to tell her " look! I don't see where that's my problem". " She certainly wasn't thinking about me when she walked out on the kids and I to go be with him screwing his brains out every night unprotected cuz she was so infatuated with him, I don't see where I fit in this? The dude don't want her she wants me back, I ain't no fool!" then her friends basically puts me on a guilt trip where I had to go find her, being that I had gotten paid I was already in a hotel. "Either way it goes she is still your wife, and your too good of a man to leave your pregnant wife out there in the streets homeless and all alone, " DAMMIT JIM she was absolutely right. I went and picked her and her things up off the side of the road and took her to my room. After her breaking down crying and apologizing to me for all of the fucked up things she has ever done to me She just told me she came from the E. R. After getting a full STD Workup and her results came back negative but positive for pregnancy, she wanted to make sure the fucker didn't pass her no shit she can pass to me after the 2 other times she gave me the clap after going out fucking other men years earlier, she some how got it in her head the first thing we were going to engage in was make up sex, and didn't want me to get infected if she was infected with something, just careless... I sat Quiet.. I had nothing to say. I made sure she showered and was fed. That night she undressed down to her t shirt with no panties, I had a 2 bed hotel room so I told her she can have the first bed, I'll take the other, instead she got into my bed wanting to finally have sex with me..i wasn't feeling it, because I could not get out of my mind her letting this guy ejaculate inside of her when it was supposed to be me.. Why she did that I do not know.. But I sat there the whole night in deep thought.. Pissed bouncing back and forth in my head should I just say fuck what the courts say kick her that unborn baby the fuck out my room, or fuckin forgive her for this shit after the 40th time of her cheating on me and getting knocked up. But who was I kidding... I was all alone out here. No family or friends. This woman being the only one I've been with for 12 years, is the only woman I know, and half the friend I ever had. She wanted us to work on getting our kids back, and I am in a place where I feel the kids are safer where they are in a healthy enviornment with a family that can take care of them because I was no longer financially nor mentally stable to care for them, so she pressures me to get the kids back because she is still receiving aid for them, but I am not ready.. I don't want my kids to get hurt by her anymore. So I notice the close it gets to becoming due to give birth and no results of me getting the kids back her whole demeanor is starting to change back. But I don't really care anymore like I used to. I've noticed I've changed as to where I'm ready for her to tell me to drop her off somewhere and be done with it. She is not going to treat me like shut after all I've done to support her through this pregnancy even though it ain't my child. So now I feel like I want to be done with her. I do not want to be on the birth certificate and I told her that. She needs to name that baby after her biological father. Since he was man enough to walk in my home, lie to me in my face as if they were not fuckin and take my woman then knock her up, he can be man enough to pay for his child. I don't plan on paying for no child that isn't mine out of wedlock. She needs to woman up, get of her ass and report his ass to child support. Any suggestions?
Michael Ward on April 27, 2018:
She regretted cheating and as I fool I took her back... Now she is 9 months pregnant and we still don't have a sex life, she has no contact with the dude, and is now doing all this talking about she wants us to move somewhere far from here. I have been stepping up as the father of this child, but I don't want to be legally the father because she is most likely going to cheat again and I don't want to be the fool raising another man's child she concieved from adultery. I don't want to be a fool again.. Plus I have no tolerance for her anymore. I only want to help as a friend. I'm not trying to have her pin me with the full child support responsibility being the biological father wants nothing to do with the child. And she talks about having another child with me I don't know if it's guilt or what? But cps have not given my kids back for 1 year now.. I feel as if I'm single and I'm starting to love it and shying away from my wife, but my wife now wants to know every second who I'm on the phone with, where I'm going, be up under me ever five seconds, but no type of intimacy.. Because she says her body hurts from the pregnancy. So I don't bother her. She still remains on her phone day in and day out.. I will not let her out my name on the birth certificate, only the man she concieved with. My question is am I wrong for doing this? I think about the baby not having her biological dad.. But I'm willing to offer support on grounds that I'm not legally documented as the presumed father or father.
Michael Ward on April 27, 2018:
I search for support blogs in accordance to my situation, but all I see on Google Search is men, cheating on their wives, men this, men that, but it rarely is searches that come up but a few of women who cheat on their husbands. My situation is I've been married for 12 years... For the past 12 years 11 of those years I have spent in an abusive, cheating relationship with my wife, And NO! I was not the abuser nor cheater she was. And as I calculated and documented every incident every year for the past 11 years she has gone out and cheated the same months during the same seasons and I don't know why, I have begged and pleaded to her, even threatened divorce, but nothing seemed to work, she would stop for a little bit spend most of her time on facebook day in and day out private messages going to the bathroom posing as if she is using the toilet, but in actuality sending nude photos to these guys, locking herself in my truck with the windows rolled up chatting with these guys,
making it seem to them as if she is doing what she is doing because I'm the cheater in the relationship being very manipulative. I would force her out of my truck, and threaten to kick her and her shot out of my house if she so fixed on the guy, he can come get her and take care of her. After all I saw in her text messages and pictures where she was so fixated on the guy she began trying to have his baby. Sending him photos of her pregnancy tests the whole 9. I was so pissed... I'm a retired disabled veteran, presumably Married with 3 children.9 years of her being in and out of jail for dv, to cps involvement on numerous occasions from her drinking, and physical abuse to Long nights and days of her drinking and yelling at me, putting her hands on me, breaking my nose while I was putting out 8 month old son to sleep was very deviating to me, being that I am a Christian I do not put my hands on women so I took a brute majority of the pounding she gave in pure rage. She was on some drugs, E pills and god knows whatever else, hanging with her smack smoking buddies. To her one day waiting till my back was turned while I was caring for our children, being that she had no interest in being a mother to them, she would slip out the door undetected until I seen her speed off with the dude she was cheating on me with for the past 8 months,thats disappearing weeks upon weeks, looking for her to find out she was shacked up in the bay area with some thug, I have had no romantic or intimate relationship with my wife for weeks upon weeks,
crying every night because I yearned for her heartbroken, in pain, lonely, tired, and finally bored of the constant scheming and cheating, she financially ruined us to the point I was homeless with my children. I finally had come to my wits end with this chick and life, with a ball of tears rolling from my eyes, and my children's eyes as they tugged on my clothes not to let them go, as the cps worker drug them into the back of the building I had to place my kids in a receiving home to get them off the streets and wound up getting a cps case on grounds of DV for her breaking my nose, and neglect from her taking 1500 in cash aid, and 1675 in food stamps to spending it all on the guy she was sleeping with, to selling them for drugs, and booze instead of helping me to feed our kids I found myself heartbroken, financially drained, lonely, and scared sleeping out of my truck in parks, on the side of the roads in the outskirts of the city, to eating in shelters.. I felt as if my life was over. Till i tried to file a divorce which the California courts do not make it easy being there are children involved and my wife is cheating on me with the next guy so to have her served would take months of investigation on her whereabouts which costs time and money. So it is a long tedious process. But one day out of the blue I get a call from her friend congratulating me on our new baby on the way. I had walked around in circles half the day on the phone with her friend explaining to her that my wife took off with the next guy and she has not touched me in months, not had any interest in being physical with me, we never even kiss because she says she isn't a kisser , but I caught her engaging in the nastiest lip locking sex act with this guy in the backseat of his car, doing things to him she has never done to me in all the years we have been married. Oh well so I tell her the baby isn't mine, it's the dude she is with, so her friend gets off the phone with me and calls her back telling her to come clean. She finally came clean saying " Yes. It's not my husband's it's Kevin's baby. " so I say " why is she calling me with this knowing its the dudes, but she calls the dude to break the news to him, and low and behold LMAO he tells her " Bitch, that ain't my baby you using your homegirl pregnancy test to trap me, get off my line and lose my number". Karma comes around because he indeed relocated, stood her up the night she told him she was pregnant, changed his number and was ghost. Her friend called me telling me the son of a butch stood her up and wants nothing to do with her or the baby, what she thought was she had a new man, he was going to mover her in. Swoop her up like a night in shining armor, but that wasn't the case he just wanted ass...so she cried and cried heartbroken.
Jennifer on April 25, 2018:
I have an 8 month old daughter, but my babys dad left me for another girl while I was about 1 month and a half pregnant. I never told him when the doctors appointments were, nor when the baby was born, nor did I put his last name on her or put him on the birth certificate, because I didn't think he deserved any of it for what he did to me. Two and a half months after the baby was born, I started having problems with my mom and knowing he had a girlfriend I went to go live with him, the first few weeks and month we were good...until On Thanksgiving he forced me to have sex when I didn't want to, I started crying and he apologizes afterwards. That happened, he is still with his girlfriend though, but he would slap my butt,and touch me, I would tell him to stop because he has a girlfriend and he said she doesn't have to know. We had sex several times afterwards...but there would be times where we would argue and he would hit me...he would act jealous when I talked about boys. But he is still with his girlfriend? Does he love her? or me?
EricaMR on April 20, 2018:
I need an outsider's opinion, besides friends and family.
So I met my husband when his daughter was 8 months old. At first I wasn't taking the relationship seriously because I didn't want to be involved with his Baby Mama Drama. I told him that. And by seriously, I didn't think it would last. But obviously it did and I fell in love with him and his little girl. I did my best to stay out of it besides encouraging him to go after his visitation right's and pay child support on time. And he did. We would drive hours to pick up his daughter on his weekends, and he was never behind on support. He tried so hard to keep her involved with his life. That's why I loved him so much. I admired his courage and perseverance because his Baby Mama made it very difficult on him to see the girl. She would sometimes not on be there to let him pick up. She never drove half way, and she was constantly moving from place to place. Things went from bad to worse and by the time the girl was in kindergarten. DSC was involved because she was missing school and there was neglect in care, violence, robberies, and drugs involved. We got the girl in 2015. And she been with us since. It's been really hard on her because she doesn't understand and remember what her mom did. Her mom is now living with her parents. She was on strict supervised visitation for a year but now they are lifted to just they can be unsupervised for as long as the mom continues to live with her parents. It's weird because she can still take the girl where ever she wants and she does. I'm not so worried that she's doing strong drugs (maybe pot and drinks) but she's still working at a bar (and only for maybe 6 months) and is living with a guy we know nothing about. And I'm just assuming living with him because every weekend the girl is spending the night with her mom she is there alone with that guy while her mom is at work. And now her mom is asking the court that she be lifted from all supervised visits and that she can move out of her parents.
We are not sure what to do. and that brings me to my question...Should he agree and not take this court?- in the mean time the State is taking her to court for not pay child support for the 3rd time in a year...(it's $20 a week. My husband asked for no child support order in court, but the judge said there has to be something and set it at 20)
He doesn't want to go to court. She's already lawyer'd up, so if he goes then he feels like he should get one too. But that sucks on the stress and money. But I don't think she's proven that she's stable enough to take care of the girl when she has her. The longest she held a job is this current one. and she was suppose to give him an itinerary (court ordered) of her plans for the weekends with the girl, but NEVER has. She wants to constantly change the time scheduled of when she picks up and drops off and he tries to be flexible, but when he says "sorry that won't work today because we have plans", she flips outs and cusses and yells at him. I don't see any improvements yet. She is not support herself and can even pay child support...Why should he trust her to make good decisions with the girl
On the other hand, I think agreeing to this order is showing her mom that we want to start over. I want too. I want us to get along and stop the bickering. I'm tried of it. I wish they could just come to an agreement and trust each other. I recommended before he agree or drag it to court, that we to go out to dinner with her in a public place and talk. Talk about what are plans for the future are with her job, boyfriend, living arrangement, and parenting time. Talk about what needs to be done in order from him to start trusting her. But he said she'll lie about anything and she shouldn't be trusted, but at the same time he's thinking about signing the order to lift supervised visits just so he doesn't have to deal with the court. I just think it's silly to give her such a large amount of responsibility when you have no reason to trust her. So if he does want to trust her, then he needs to talk to her and respect her.
So should we take a leap of faith? Should he risk the girl's safety and well-being and try it out and see how it goes, that what it feels like.
Or should we let the court decide if she deserves more freedom and trust?
What do you think?
Sorry this is so long!
Thanks for your time,
T Green on April 12, 2018:
My husband had 8 kids before our son together and I have a problem with him going to another state to his son graduation because his bm still flirts with him and calls to much
wise one on April 07, 2018:
marie.....let the past be the past , clearly this old boo thang has a crazy baby momma who will fight for him!! Mind over matter!!!
don't get your feeling hurt!!!
Marie on March 29, 2018:
When I was younger I met my first love during the summer at the age of 14. I know that's very young to start a relationship sexual or not but both of our parents were single parents with three kids and worked a lot. When my father found out what was going on he was upset about the situation and moved me out of state to live with my mother. I thought there was no point in keeping contact with this boy because I knew it would be impossible to keep a long distance relationship at such a young age. I focused on my studies but always kept him in mind. Fast forward to now and he has a son a few months old with a girl who from what I can tell is as crazy about him as I am. I travelled out of state recently to see him and see if these feelings are still as strong as they were then and boy oh boy are they ever. When I asked him what the situation is with his baby mama he says, "she's crazy. Doesn't want to work. She's my baby mama and we have a son together." A part of me still is unsure if I should continue this long distance relationship since they were together for 2 years and their baby is only 7 months old. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but he's also at a job that doesn't pay him very well. Should I walk away from this? Am I stupid for thinking this could work?
Steph on March 20, 2018:
Jacob.. can u send me an email to email@example.com. we are in the same situation. Maybe we can support each other
Jacob on March 18, 2018:
Help... I was going out with this girl for 7 years and she fooled around and left me for another guy... 2 years later her and the guy break up because he’s always working away. Mind you they have a kid together now. Now we are back together ... how do I act? They have a kid so there always texting and meeting up? This is the guy she was fooling around with and left me for?
Confuse101 on March 13, 2018:
Hi I need advice really bad. I met this guy through a dating site in 2016. We both have 1 child each from previous relationships. My son father died when he was a baby. My friend told me about his situation with his baby mama. How he has to go to her house to their daughter. I'm all in for him to be spending time with his daughter, I just think she wheeling him in little by little so they can be back together. I like him a lot and my son and him gets along great. He treats us with respect I'm just afraid that this good thing is going to come to an end. He said he will never go back to her but things changed. Basically I don't want to wait around like a sitting duck. Something about this man I can't let go and I tried but at the same time I'm thinking I need to call it quits. I'm not rushing into anything he calls me his girlfriend and his future includes my son and I, but I just don't know. I know he cares about us a lot I'm just not sure if this temporarily or what. I don't want to get hurt but I don't want to be stupid either. Everyday it's 50/50 for me to be with him or not. Can I handle all this plus my own plate? And a lot of times I feel like this not for me. What should I do? Please can anyone help me? Thank you.
P.S. I never knew truly loving someone with the whole package is a lot. I know I shouldn't commit but I honestly didn't think we make it this far and to have this much meaning.
I don't know what to do... on March 08, 2018:
First of all.. very great article! I've been struggling with my Fiance too. We know each other for 6 years. When we met he already had 2 kids. Everything went fine with that one. After 2 years we broke up. He moved to an other country in Europe. In that time he had a baby with an other woman, they weren't together and he told her from the beginning that he wouldn't be with her just because of the baby. He said he would take care of his daughter and always is gonna be there for her. And he kept his word until now. He didn't love the mother and told me that he didn't want the baby in the first place, there were no plans to get pregnant. Yet he takes his responsibility as a father and he is in her life.
He moved from Europe to the US 2 months after she gave birth.
He came back to Europe after living for 2 years in the states. We found out that we still love each other and we agreed to come back together and make the best of it. We are even engaged now. I am very aware that I also said yes to his children the moment he proposed me.
He don't have a bond with his last daughter. She is just 2 now and live in an other country in Europe ( only 3 hours drive from where we live ). There is contact through video call and since he came back from the US he only got to see her twice. I really respect the fact that he is trying to take his responsibility as a father and trying to be in his daughters life because he didn't want the baby from the beginning.
He told her mother that he and I are back together and that we are engaged. He asked her if I can see her daughter. Her answer was no. I understand her, its not easy because she don't know me yet. I asked her if we can meet up and find a way that will work for all of us. His other 2 kids are spending every weekend with us so why wouldn't I want his last daughter in my life too. She admit that she still love my Fiance and there will be no way that I will get to meet his daughter. Not until her love for him is over. After his last visit at his daughter she was calling me and sending me messages with stories that they had sex and he tried to rape her. The moment she said that he tried to rape her... I knew she was lying. My fiance is not capable of that. I know!! I'm not saying that he isn't capable of cheating.. but rape?! Hellllll no!!
She is trying to make it difficult for me because she don't want us to be together. He told her and he told me that even if he wasn't with me... He would never go to her and be with her.. He never loved her...
The thing is.. She don't want to give him his daughter to spend time, she wants to be there all the time too and I can not come. This is hurting me so much because I am literally taking care of his other kids, but with this one I can not play a role. Her birthday is coming up and he will go there with his other 2 kids and I can not come. My fiance and I are having problems because of this issue. Every time he talks about Her, or tell me that he is going to see her.. I get sad and don't know how to act. It feels that I don't belong to his "whole" family. The whole situation is breaking my heart and I don't know how to handle this. What should I do? What CAN I do?
He asked her again to sit down together and talk. He told her that I am gonna be his wife and I deserve to see his daughter too. He asked her if we can find a way that will work for all of us. She said no, she said she will never talk to me and I can never come close to her daughter.
Oh and.. .. She is having different boyfriends and she let those guys come close to her daughter. But her father can not come see her with his very soon wife to be.... It feels so unfair and I am scared that this thing will break us, even though we are strong and trying to make it work. I am the one who can't find a way to handle this situation... sisters!! Please help me :-(. Sorry for my English, I am from Europe :-). Big hug from Stephanie.
tarkishat (author) on March 02, 2018:
Wow their families are so close, that is a lot of uncertainty to deal with. If you love him enough to stick with him while he's in prison, you should love him enough to trust him to do right by you when he gets out. Easier said than done I know. You have to let him know ahead of time what you expect from him when he gets out. Don't stress yourself now about something that's a couple of years away. A lot can happen between now and then, but I get your concern. She left him when he needed her most and I don't know about you, but that can really change your feelings for a person. Don't make her a part of your relationship though. Just focus on what you and him are trying to build together. Don't bring her up in conversation, because bringing her up puts her right in the middle of your relationship. That just takes the focus from the two of you and putting the spotlight on her. You should be using this time apart getting to know each other on a deeper level. When he gets out don't try to hold onto him for dear life. He's going to want to go and see all of his family and friends. A freed man does not want to be put on lock down after he's gotten out of jail. Here's how you can tell just how much you mean to him. When he gets out and he's getting ready to go over to his folks house for the first and he doesn't invite you to come over with him then there could be a reason why. I have had my share of boyfriends, but the ones that were real keepers couldn't wait for me to meet their family and friends. If there's nothing there then it shouldn't be no problem bringing you around everybody.
Keep in touch I really want to see how this all turns out. I wish you nothing but the best.
tarkishat (author) on March 02, 2018:
Hi MI MI,
She's just trying to get under somebody's skin. If they are indeed old pics she wants the next female he gets to know that she exists and that she's not going anywhere.
tarkishat (author) on March 02, 2018:
MI MI on February 21, 2018:
I have a question to ask..i would like to know if a man broke up with a woman who have kids for him..why is she posting past pics of him and her together on fb..
Rose on February 20, 2018:
Jessica on February 11, 2018:
Hey so I’m dating a guy I’ve known for over 21 yrs we grew up across the street from each other, he currenting is incarnated until 2020.. I know but it works for me cause I love him deeply and I’ve been celibate before him for 3yrs.. Before he got locked up his teenage relationship the girl got pregnant the baby wasn’t his, she named him after my bf, he still took care of the baby for 2yrs, before he got incarcerated it’s been 10yrs so far, he said the bm was there for him for the first 4 yrs but he said she said she got move on with her life, I’ve been there for him since 2016.. my worries is before he got locked up they was together even tho the kid wasn’t his his family still care for the child and look after the bm and her family got them all jobs at Chrysler so they close to the bm still. She moved on got 3 kids by 4 different men I’m counting the unknown guy too and a 1 baby mama that help raised they son while my bf been locked. The baby mama said she don’t want my bf to take there son away from her wen he get out. He said he hasn’t talk to her in over 5 years, she even stay with his mom wen she got layed off for 1 yr and stay with his mom, in 2015 he said she didn’t even talk to him, while at his moms for a year. I feel like he was wheeling to take care of a child that wasn’t his and etc he deeply loved her and I’m kind of worried they gonna get back together wen he gets out. He said she is engaged to the last baby daddy, so they will not get back to together he been gone for so long he telling what he will do I feel. He took her from his friend back in the day, the guy said he was still having sex with her the whole time my bf and her was together and that the son looks like him. So I feel like wen he gets out he could have like a Love relapse cause he was so head over heals for her he was willing to stay with her even tho the son wasn’t his and them getting together even tho they both go ppl never stopped them before, you know cause how he got her.. so lol I know it’s a lot and we are dating his family told her and she now be trying to say little things to him, smh so idk should I leave him alone with the baby mama drama..
JasmineBirmingham on February 09, 2018:
Okay so I’m 20 and I’m interested in a guy who I know of through mutual friends and he’s 25 turning 26 in June . So me and him are suppose to hook up but i recently found out that he has a child who is 7 months and a baby mother who has 2 baby fathers including him , 2 daughters and one of them is his of course so you know . I normally prefer men with no children I’m into older guys as well and most older dudes have children so I’m not surprised , but I don’t know if I should still try and date him or blow him off because of immature thinking due to not wanting him because I don’t do men with kids ! Only reason why I’m tempted is a guy who I used to fool around with from my past was lingering me around and still sleeping with his baby mother ! It traumatized me a bit lol , so now I have this bit of fear in me where I’m scared if dudes always sleep with their child’s mothers ! I’m not tryna be a negative thinker but it’s like idk not every man is the same trust I know theirs some out there who aren’t even infatuated with their child’s mothers but idk what to do my gut feeling is telling me give him a chance but my mind is really anxious about this ! What should I do ?
Confusedinlove on February 08, 2018:
I too have a weird situation...my boyfriend of 5 months was co-parenting, living with his ex until a month or so ago..He now lives out of the house. They haven’t been intimate in 5 years, and in that time they haven’t attended each other’s family events, or do anything together. They have essentially lived separate lives for years. Separate bedrooms, ect: This is confirmed by all of his friends (most have never met her) that they haven’t been together for years, and they too are surprised by the situation. I was fine with all this, until she found out about me and started threatening me. I was caught completely off guard. She answered his phone one night and yelled that he is her fiancé and I’m a home wrecker..4 months into mine and his relationship, after we’ve both fallen for each other and he confesses that he’s never felt this love for anyone.mind you, we had spent countless nights together, hotels, stayed at my home, trips. Never seemed like she didn’t know or cared. I’m told He gave her a ring 9 years ago because she didn’t want to deal with the questions of having a child and not being married, but he insists it was never an engagement. She’s older and it sounds more like she wanted a child and he obliged. He is a caretaker by nature. However, Once she found out about me, she refused him contact with their child, that he is extremely close with..brought to and from school, brought to business affairs, talks about constantly, he would do anything and everything for this child, amazing father! So she held it above him that unless he stopped seeing me, he was never going to see his son. He was heartbroken and I was worried..he was depressed. So he told her he and I were never together, it was a misunderstanding and we weren’t talking anymore: she now lets him see their son. We now meet secretly at his place, go to dinner, ect in another town, but I’m not allowed to text or call him: she is on his plan and checks the records daily. She doesn’t work and relies on him for support and he gives her everything monetary that she asks for. I know that he loves her for being the mom to his child, and I have always been absolutely supportive of this, he is a very giving person. He knows that it bothers me though that I’m now a secret and we don’t talk or text thruout the day, yet spend every night together. His retort is that he can’t live without seeing his son and this is the only way that can happen, he has to abide by her rules, and that he loves me and hopes I can understand this. I now hate this woman, I feel like she is unfair in withholding him from being happy. Part of me feels like I should just end the relationship, I have a couple times because I think it’s unfair to me, but he begged me to come back. I just feel guilty now that he’s lying to her, but is so in love with his son, that he sees no other way than to keep us secret. Thoughts on what to do?
tarkishat (author) on February 08, 2018:
Wow you do have a dilemma. I first want to let you know that this does not all fall on you. It takes two to tango. He is the one who has a whole wife at home. His obligations are to be true to her and not make a baby with someone else. I understand you feeling bad that you were dating a married man, but he hurt her more than you ever could. Don't let him make you feel like this is all on you. He committed adultery, not you. The moving in together thing, I'm not feeling at all. Why would you want to shack up with a married man. You didn't say that he was leaving his wife for you, so I'm trying to figure out how this will work. I would be skeptical as well. If you don't trust this situation, have a backup plan just in case this doesn't work out. Your child needs you to have a backup plan. If you don't have another place to stay if this doesn't work out, then you really shouldn't take a chance on uncertainty. I wish you all the best, congrats on the baby and Lord give his poor wife strength because, he is out here making plans to continue to deceive her.
Nuna on February 08, 2018:
I have a dilemma from the other perspective. That's to say, I'm the mother of the child, and he's married. He's just told his wife about me and the baby, telling her that we got close and it was a one off last year (I'm 34 weeks pregnant). But that's not true, we have been seeing each other for over 18 months.
He's trying to stop his wife from being hurt anymore than she already is, and I understand why he's held back some of the truth. He told her about the baby and she broke down. They don't have any children, but she wants them. He feels terrible, he hates himself for the pain he's caused, and I think he blames me for some of the guilt he's feeling. Of course, I'm not an innocent party in any of this, and I accept that. But I'm worried that he now blames me. I've been encouraging him to tell his wife everything for 6 months, and he's told me time and time again that he would do it, only for it to be left this late.
We're getting a place together in a couple of weeks, and she doesn't know about it. I'm arranging my move right now so that I'm in the house by the time the baby arrives and I'm worried that the guilt he's feeling will make him back out to stay at home and console his wife. She will always be a part of his life, and I understand and accept that, but I worry that he will turn his back on me and the baby and I will be left with the financial burden of the house we're getting together.
I don't know how to deal with the situation. I want to support him through the hardship, but I can't see how to do that if he blames me for it, and I'm dealing with a newborn baby. What do I do?
tarkishat (author) on February 02, 2018:
I've been MIA and I apologize. I'm back to chat with y'all. Thanks for all the comments.
tarkishat (author) on February 02, 2018:
Why are you even wasting your time on somebody who refuses to claim you and his baby. Girl he's not even worth the time it took you to write that comment. He has a girlfriend. Good luck to her. I know he's your child's father and that's all he'll be. Let him help take care of the child if he chooses and him and his lie can stay far far far away. Him not claiming you and his child, is so disrespectful, unacceptable, trifling, nasty and just downright uncouth. You deserve better. Prayers for you and your babies.
MimiC on January 30, 2018:
I have a 2 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant .. this childs dad has a new girlfriend and he wants to lie to her about me and the baby. Saying I’m his cousin or neice or something ... I told him I’m not doing it and I won’t .. he gets mad at me and hangs up on me when I tell him He acts like my son’s dad . I’m just so confused and hurt he doesn’t wanna set boundaries and tell the truth .. just don’t know what to do ...
M C on January 17, 2018:
My bf has a 2 1/2 little girl grom previous relationship he messages alot not just to check on daughter and all he talks about to there mutual friends is her especially since she recently started seeing someone. Is he obsessed with her???
Ardelli on January 04, 2018:
So my BD and I been together for 2 1/2 years we have a daughter who's 2 and he has 2 other kids who are 5 and 3. Are relationship has always been rocky because i tell him to set boundaries and he never does. He talks to her and text her everyday almost like every hour. I recently got drunk and was really upset and i punched him. I seen the call log because he did not spoke to me all day not even about our child and he talked to her once again all day text and calls, like 40 text each back and forth. I'm pretty sure is not about the kids. Did I push him to her ??
Girly girl on January 03, 2018:
So ive been dating my bf for 1 1/2 yrs and he has 4 kids with his ex. He can only see them at her house. He only talks to her when im not around. If he does talk to her on the phone its quick responses. Im not allowed to go with him to see the kids cus she doesnt feel comfortable. Every time theres something wrong with her car or dryer he drops everything to help her. Then when he goes to see the kids he goes round 7p and stays til 4:30a or even stayed all night one night when i was at work and left there to get me from work at 7am. What shld i do? He says im ignorant for thinking there is stuff goin on.
Justalaydee on December 06, 2017:
I was wondering your take on this:
I’ve been dealing with my boyfriend now of 1 1/2 year and I got pregnant in June. We don’t live together due to some circumstances. While he was staying at his cousin house around his baby mama they had sex while I was pregnant! He never told me I found out thru a mutual friend. Idk how to feel like he said he told her he doesn’t want to be with her and that he chooses me or whatever but I’m still iffy on their relationship. What do you think? I love him but idk if I’ll ever trust him
Tiffany on November 28, 2017:
She had a baby with my man.And then had a baby with somebody else in high school.Only 16 and pregnant.Make up your mind.
magdalina on November 15, 2017:
Hello, (Im 18 and my bf is 27)Today I just found out that my bf that I live with got a baby son, BM is born yesterday, my bf is really upset bc he loves his son but also he loves me, he doesnt love BM but he respects her. They had a one night stand before we met. And he tried to live with her even he didnt had any feelings for her and he couldnt live with her any longer bc he didnt loved her at all. I dont know what to do bc i dont know BM i think she hates me bc she still have feelings for him, i never saw her, she either. i dont know if i will understand their ''friendship??'' between BM and my bf. im really sad bc he never ever told me about her and her pregnancy so i guess i cant believe him anymore. Im kinda jealous of her bc my bf seems to be really happy about their baby but worried about me. Im worried of, if we gonna still be together and have our own child is he gonna love our child more than BM's son? i love him so much i dont want to loose him at all. He works really a lot so we dont have enough time for each other i begged him to spend much time as possible with me but now i think he is gonna spend his time for her son and her BM. Im someone who wants really much attention from my bf. i dont even know how i feel Im really angry, sad, upset, lost. Please what should i do? Should I stay and support him with his problems or should I live..? And if im gonna stay what should i do? im getting really easily jealous bc im loosing all the trust for him bc he kept everything secret and his family too.
Jane on October 27, 2017:
I'm really glad that i found this page and with your advice i was able to cope . thanks once again big sis. we finally went back to our country September the month we were expecting our baby from his ex girlfriend, when we got back to his house i had to travel to my home town and wait for him to break the news to me when she puts to birth ,the few days i spent there with him was hell because she kept calling and asking my man to come make love to her because she wants to put to birth easily, i felt bad reading such messages from her, but still i left everything into God's hand. well to cut the long story shut , my man called me on phone one night and told me to pray that she was under labor , and later on told me she put to birth a baby boy. i congratulated him on phone and advice him to go see her the next day buy her provisions and other necessary things she will be needing at that point . though i wasn't happy about everything i just needed to be strong for myself. afterwards i allowed him to have a very good time with his son, because he had to go there everyday to visit his son. every time he tells me his going there i always feel terrible. i won't call him until he calls to talk to me. i will ask him how she is doing and our son , he will tell me thy are fine, he was very excited and even celebrated with his friends , posted his son on facebook with nice write ups. i felt a little jealous , i wished i was the mother of his child but all same i commented on the post and because we were in a relationship everyone thought i bore the child which i accepted the way they thought. finally he asked me to come back home that i was staying longer , i returned to meet him up , on that week was the naming ceremony i was advice not to attend to avoid problem from his baby mama but he wanted me to be there with him. i bluntly said i will wait at home for him. Lol that night wen he returned he narrated everything that happened it wasn't funny , she made trouble with him telling him he should spend the night with her and the baby, that he hasn't slept with her since she got pregnant, it was really shameful in the presence of their guest. anyway he didn't ,the next day he went back with his friends to go and see his son, on reaching there she was frowning , so they asked her why she was acting that way she said because he calls her baby mama , she still wants to know if after giving him a son if he still doesn't want her. according to my man he said he told her again that i already told you this before that the only thing between us is our child which am doing everything right for you but we are not in any intimate relationship. immediately she jumped up and started shouting and crying that she regret ever having that child for him , she threaten to deal with him , she said alot of evil words to him, he came home that day feeling down, but yet he still called her to ask after the son , the answer she gave was what kind of stupid question is that, soon this child will call you uncle not father since i now know my stand in your life. Big sis it wasn't easy i felt bad for him , he was restless. a boy child is suppose to be circumcise after four days but she refuse to do what she is suppose to do, she won't buy the child drugs that the doctor prescribe , in fact she is a wicked girl because her sister that came to bath the baby left on the s4cond week because she refuse to buy food in the house, and my man gave her good money for her upkeep. one night my man told me he will go carry his son , i thought he was just saying it out of anger , really he went to bring them to the house , i was inside the room when he returned with them , he brought our little angel inside the room and locked the door , i couldn't go out, i was so happy anyway when i saw this baby looking so innocent i carried him and pet him. i started hearing sounds outside it was the mother shouting and requesting for her child . i heard him saying you can come see him whenever you want since you can't take care of him well . anyway is a very long story , i and my man are back to the country with his son. am now mothering him and his so cute , i feel peace in my heart . i call him shalom. the funny thing is that his mother has never message my man . i was expecting she does but till now , instead she now wears new cloth and pose on facebook. Help me with more advice , will this child grow up to love me ? because i see him as mine, the only thing is that he didn't come out of my bowels. he will call me mummy.
tarkishat (Author) on October 18, 2017:
It seems that he and his BM are really close and they discuss everything. There is a level of respect and protectiveness that some men have for the mother of their child. This still doesn't excuse him from snapping on you like that. He went over board and it may be best if you never speak to him again. He seems to have a quick temper. He did however put her on speakerphone so that you can see that their relationship is nothing more than a friendship. My husband talks to the mother of his child for long periods of time, about the child, her job and whatever else she has going on. It doesn't bother me, because I know she can talk a lot and they are friends. It's important for them to get along and I'm cool with it. He probably should have explained how his relationship is with his BM so that you wouldn't take him being on the phone with her that long as a problem.
tarkishat (author) on October 13, 2017:
This is one of those situations where you really just have to let go for the sake of keeping a family together. If he truly wanted to leave the mother of his kids, nothing would stop him. He hasn't and he won't. He steps out with you because he can and because you're allowing it. Trust me, you don't want those issues that this man has going on. It's nice of you to want to be there for his children as well, but really take into account what he would be really bringing to the table. Is he really worth 18 years of Baby Mama Drama? What about thousands of dollars from your bank account and nights of him going to see his kids and you wondering if him and BM are still messing around? You deserve to have a man with eyes and dreams only for you. Just my opinion. I wish you nothing but the best with whatever decision you make. Thanks for commenting!
Archibabe on October 13, 2017:
Hello! I am glad someone wrote this kind of hub. I've dated a guy months ago not knowing that he's in a relationship with another woman. The only thing that I know during that time was he has a baby momma in which they have settled the terms for the kid.when I found out about his gf, I told him that I will not compromise and he has to leave the girl if he wants me to stay in his life. Before he was able to do that, his gf found out about our relationship and month after that, she got pregnant. A month after his gf gave birth, we became together again because we realized that we still have feelings for each other. However, he's currently living with the baby momma and I told him that I will try to understand his situation for the sake of his baby. I just don't know what to do and how I can ask him to leave the baby momma since the girl just gave birth. Hope you can help me with this dilemma. I will support him with his baby. I just don't want him to continue living with the baby momma.
Rshtaw@yahoo.com on September 12, 2017:
I had been single for two years not even wanting a relationship. My friend wanted me to go on a double date with these men from out of town. I was not sure but I told her I would. He ended up calling me and I decided to go out with him. We hit it off the moment we met as if we knew each other for years. So he was scheduled to leave back home two weeks after we met. The last week he was here we stay together the whole time . When talked about alot of things we said we would keep in touch here n there cool. Then he went home we talked all the time on the phone falling asleep everything. He told me I needed to call him more an everything then he started flying me everywhere he went . I felt like he was my sole mate I never felt that way about anyone. He never had a women like me. So before he came back here the last time I guess he ex got in contact to let them know he had a baby with her. Mind you he had became a changed man with a vision also more eye candy. (Me of coarse) They had a bad break up n he lost everything. So now he got his job n new car looking cool and happy she came back saying she wanted to raise the baby in a twi parent household he thought about it and said they should. Me being a women said How can I be mad at that I mean whatever. We were friends first ao why
Feelinghurt on August 22, 2017:
Here's my story my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and it's been a long distance relationship I live five hours away. On august 12 I drove to NC to see him from AL. He lives in SC but was working in NC. Saturday was amazing he got off work was tired there were no phone calls it was just us. We had the best sex ever that night. But Sunday he came in from work his back was hurting so I told him to sit in front of me so I could rub his back. I'm the process of rubbing his back his baby mama called at first she was talking about the child and that was really ok with me then she changed the topic to her problems at work and spoke to him for about an hour or more. During his conversation he put it on speaker and I heard a portion of it. I kinda felt disrespected and hurt because the call lasted so long. Later I expressed the fact that the conversation hurt my feelings. And I told him I was ok when it was about the child but when it changed to being about her. I told him he should have told her he had something to take car and told her he would talk to her later. He completely went off on me and told me to never bring up his baby mama and what they talked about again and that he was not gone go back and forth with no female. Which is not what I was trying to do all I wanted him to know was how it made me feel and explained to him I was not disrespecting his baby mama or trying to make him angry when I told him about my feelings and he still got angry. I don't understand why he responded like that and was I wrong for bringing it up. But I haven't heard from him since then.