Just Because She Got a Baby by Him Don't Mean Nothing . . . or Does It?
Baby Mama Drama!
Oooh, this subject makes my head hurt simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has "Baby Mama Drama." It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle is the director in this soap opera. But some men just don't take that job seriously enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.
Most men tend to fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to making sure everyone knows there place in his world. He's just rather let the chips fall where they may instead of doing the hard job of just being honest with everybody and let them make the decision to stay or to go. Because it's one person involved in this while situation that has no say so whatsoever and in the end this man in the middle should always choose his child. If the new woman in your life cannot except the fact that you have a child then she needs to kick rocks, because nobody should come between you and your child.
Honesty Is A Requirement
The man is and always will be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties, he has to respect both parties, he has to be open with both parties, and he has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.
The most common mistake that a man dealing with baby mama drama makes is that he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Just by him going there with her, it sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore.
Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved (right up front), and that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child. He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end.
He Needs to Tell Her the Truth
He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument. But that's not all.
This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so therefore she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (including who they're with.) So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway, because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what happens next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken interest in another.
Hold on — he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye (and believe me all men know the "eye"). But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.
My Baby Mama Situation
Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having "Baby Mama Drama." I had no feelings for him at the time. I just felt sorry for him and that was the first thing that I crossed out on my, 'I need a man list:' "No Baby Mamas" (and this man had a couple.) Long story short, he made me go 'oooh-wee' and things changed for both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this.
Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas, with me laying right next to him in the bed and would put these women on speaker phone. He did this just so I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this that one time. This man did this every time, even if they called him, which really surprised me. Just by him doing that, it opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.
Hey, not all men can live up to the title of being a "Real Man," and those who don't will still find a fool to give him some.
A Response to a Reader
wat if dat man baby mama's r send'n him 2 jail n they still come n his face laugh'n like aint nuthin happen n always disrespect'n me but i alway's check they ass even 1 of the baby mama's sister 's i myself feel like 1 they gonna b laugh'n 1 nite drink'n wit him n the constables r goin 2 pull up n ask 4 him n they gon say there he am i wrong 4 sayn dat 2 him.
First of all, NO, you are not wrong for saying that to him, because you are concerned about your man. I ask why is he being so stupid as to let these females drag him into a bunch of nonsense. Like I said, he holds the power in this situation. If the baby mamas are disrespecting you like you say that they are, then he needs to set them straight. He has to do this, not you. If he loves you and cares about you, then he would never ever let anybody disrespect you in no kind of way, shape or form. He needs to handle his business, plan and simple.
You need to know your role in all of this and it is not to check anybody. You have to be his calm after the storm, (i.e. baby mamas). They don't want to see him happy with somebody else. Which is why they try to keep up so much mess. That is why they keep starting stuff with you and starting stuff with him. This is all a part of the plan . . . Oh, you don't know the plan, well here it is and I'm sure that you've heard this before. "If I can't have him then ain't no other B gonna have him." The plan is to give him hell, just as long as they have a baby together.
But you can stop this simply by staying out of all of that mess that they are keeping up. They know that they are getting to you because you are ready to check them the minute you hear that your name came out of their mouths. That is not the way to handle it, at all. I'm sure that you have better things to do with your time. You never let anybody turn your world upside down like these women are trying to do.
As for him getting thrown in jail and he keeps hanging out with them, that is just ludicrous. He has to find his own way. If he is a good man to you and he is worth keeping, then you have to have the patience while he is finding his way, because girl you really have your hands full. I hope that you are not coming up with his bail money though. :)
I'll leave you with this: Your home is your sanctuary. Never let mess stroll through your front door disguised as people you trust.