Just Because She Got a Baby by Him Don't Mean Nothing . . . or Does It?
Baby Mama Drama!
Oooh, this subject makes my head hurt simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has Baby Mama Drama. It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle is the director in this soap opera. But some men just don't take that job seriously enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.
Most men tend to fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to making sure everyone knows their place in his world. He just rather let the chips fall where they may instead of just being honest with everybody. Let them make the decision to stay or go. It's only one person involved in this whole situation that has no say so whatsoever and in the end this man in the middle should always choose his child. If the new woman in his life cannot except the fact that he has a child, then she needs to kick rocks. Nobody should ever come between a parent and their child.
Honesty Is A Requirement
The man is and always will be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties. He has to respect both parties. Hle has to be open with both parties. He also has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.
The most common mistake that a man dealing with Baby Mama Drama makes is he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Just by him going there with her, it sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore.
Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with, that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child. He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end.
He Needs to Tell Her the Truth
He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument. But that's not all.
This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so therefore she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (including who they're with.) So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway, because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what happens next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken interest in another.
Hold on — he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye (and believe me all men know the "eye"). But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.
How To Gain An Impenetrable Trust
Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having Baby Mama Drama. I had no feelings for him at the time. I just knew that was the first thing that I crossed out on my, 'I need a man list,' No Baby Mamas! This man had a couple. Long story short, he made me go oooh-wee, and things changed for the both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this.
Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas, with me right next to him. He would put these women on speaker phone. He did this just so I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this that one time. This man did this every time they called his phone. Just by him doing that, it opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.
My Advice To The Women Involved With Men With Children
There are rules and boundaries that you cannot cross when dealing with a man who has a child with another woman. Be mindful that if you're truly planning on making a life with this man, you have to respect his child's mother. She may not like you, but as long as you're showing her the respect of being the mother of his child then her hate for you will prove worthless. How can you hate someone who respects you?
This advice that I'm about to give will be hard for some to grasp. Those who have strong wills and cool heads will receive this advice as it is. When it comes to your man dealing with his child's mother on matters concerning their child, it is at your best interest to stay out of it. Your relationship is with him, not Baby Mama. You and your man can discuss the issues concerning both Baby Mama and child, but he must handle his issues with both alone.
If you find out he's still having sex with Baby Mama, you let him go immediately. Unless you're into sharing your man. I hate to tell you this, but if you found out that you man has slept with his Baby Mama while the two of you have been together, it will not stop. Those ties have yet to be severed and they won't be until either of them are ready to do it. It's nothing that you can do to make them stop. One of them have to say enough is enough.
Some men feel that once a woman gives birth to his child, she belongs to him forever.