Baby Mama Drama & Dealing With Your Man, His Ex, & Their Child
Baby Mama Drama
This subject makes my head hurt simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has baby mama drama. It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle is the director of this soap opera. But some men just don't take that job seriously enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.
Most men tend to fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to making sure everyone knows their place in his world. He would just rather let the chips fall where they may instead of just being honest with everybody. Let them decide to stay or go.
If the new woman in his life cannot accept the fact that he has a child, then she needs to kick rocks. Nobody should ever come between a parent and their child. With that being said, the man needs to take responsibility as a father and as a lover so that he can manage the relationship between his baby mama and his new love interest.
What Does Baby Mama Drama Mean?
Baby mama drama refers to the drama caused by the mother of your man's child (or children).
Dating a Man Who Has Children
The man will always be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties. He has to respect both parties. He has to be open with both parties. He also has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.
The most common mistake that a man dealing with baby mama drama makes is he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Continuing to have that kind of relationship sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. The man needs to practice some restraint and have some dignity. If he truly values and cares about making a new relationship work, he cannot continue to be involved with his baby mama.
Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child.
He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end. You'd be surprised at how big of a deal having open communication about these types of things is. If the man can clearly set boundaries and communicates with his new girlfriend openly, much of the baby mama drama goes away.
He Needs to Tell Her the Truth
He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument, but that's not all.
This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so, therefore, she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (including who they're with). So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what would happen next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken an interest in another person.
Hold on—he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye (and believe me all men know the "eye"). But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.
Why Do Guys Always Go Back to Their Baby Mama?
Some men feel a strong connection to their baby mama. The fact that they had a child with this woman gives them a special bond. If your man is having trouble breaking away from his baby mama, you have to let him go. Set some boundaries about what kind of behavior is acceptable and if your man crosses the line, take a hard stance. At the same time, you have to find that balance and understand that your man is always going to have a special bond with his baby mama.
Here are some reasons why a man goes back to his baby mama over you. Keep in mind that these reasons are not your fault! The man is the main actor in this drama, and his choices impact both sides.
- He is doing it for the child: A good father wants to be there for his children, so your man may be trying to get back with his baby mama so that his child can have a more stable home environment. He feels an obligation to give his child a warm and positive environment, something that is difficult to do when mother and father are separated.
- He feels guilty: Your man may feel like he has abandoned his family. This is particularly true if he had multiple children with another woman. He may feel that he did not give his ex a chance to redeem herself in the relationship.
- He still loves his ex: Yes, this is something that can totally happen. Your man may have had valid reasons for breaking it off with his baby mama but that doesn't mean he is totally over her. He most likely had strong feelings for her at some point, and it's hard to get over those and move onto a new relationship, especially when young children are involved.
Signs of a Jealous Baby Mama
Even when you take steps to keep the baby mama in the loop and feeling comfortable with you dating her ex, she may still be jealous of you and your relationship. Here are some signs that show she is jealous of you.
- She has no boundaries: If she shows up unannounced to your place when you are with your man, or starts bumping into you in public, this is a sign she is not respecting the set boundaries of your relationship. She is envious of you, so she wants to mess up your life.
- She's nosy: Under the guise of being friendly, she always asks you what you and your man are up to. She may even get way too personal with her questions and start asking you things that make you feel uncomfortable.
- She says negative things about you to others: Instead of talking to you directly, she goes behind your back and tries to turn your man and others against you. She focuses on negative things or just makes things up to make you look bad in front of her children.
- She gets too close and personal to your man: If she still has any feelings at all for your man, you can bet she will try to woo him to get back with her. She will try to be all flirty and cute around him in an attempt to win his affections back. She may even try to do this in front of you to make you mad.
- She always brings up the past: When you are around her, she always talks about her time with your man. She will make a point to go into detail about how wonderful and romantic it was. She does this out of jealousy and to make you feel insecure about your relationship with her ex.
- She blames you for her problems: She will blame you for taking up time with him that he could be spending with her and the child. She will make you out to be the cause and imply that your relationship with him is causing all of these problems.
- She thinks you are preventing them from getting back together: She may still pine for your man to come back to her, and of course, you are preventing that from happening. She may blame you for their breakup and want you out of the picture in the hopes that her man will come back.
How to Build Trust With a Man Who Has Children
Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having baby mama drama. I had no feelings for him at the time. I just knew that was the first thing that I crossed out on my "I need a man list," no baby mamas! This man had a couple of children. Long story short, he made me go oooh-wee, and things changed for the both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this.
Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas with me right next to him. He would put these women on speakerphone. He did this so that I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this one time. This man did this every time they called his phone. Just by him doing that, it opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.
My Advice to the Women Involved With Men With Children
There are rules and boundaries that you cannot cross when dealing with a man who has a child with another woman. Be mindful that if you're truly planning on making a life with this man, you have to respect his child's mother. She may not like you, but as long as you're showing her the respect of being the mother of his child, then her hate for you will prove worthless. How can you hate someone who respects you?
This advice that I'm about to give will be hard for some to grasp. Those who have strong wills and cool heads will receive this advice as it is. When it comes to your man dealing with his child's mother on matters concerning their child, it is in your best interests to stay out of it. Your relationship is with him, not the baby mama. You and your man can discuss the issues concerning both the baby mama and child, but he must handle his issues with both alone.
If you find out he's still having sex with the baby mama, you have to let him go immediately, unless you're into sharing your man. I hate to tell you this, but if you found out that your man has slept with his baby mama while the two of you have been together, it will not stop. Those ties have yet to be severed, and they won't be until either of them are ready to do it. There's nothing that you can do to make them stop. One of them has to say enough is enough.
Some men feel that once a woman gives birth to his child, she belongs to him forever.
Dealing With Baby Mama Drama
Here are five tips for dealing with baby mama drama. Always try to have some patience and compassion as it's not an easy situation for the man to be in.
- Jealousy is normal: This other woman was a big part of your man's life at one point, and the fact that they share a child is a big deal. At one point she loved him, and maybe she still does. Jealousy is a normal emotion for you and the baby mama to have. Try to not let your emotions get the best of you.
- Develop a relationship with the baby mama: Your man is in the middle of two women, and that is a tough spot to be in. Try to develop a good relationship with the other woman; just don't expect you two to become friends. Make sure she knows that you are not trying to take her place as the mother of the child and acknowledge the special bond she has with your man.
- Be respectful: While you and the other woman getting along might be a bit of a stretch, try to respect her and her wishes. Understand that she wants to do what is best for the child, and you should respect that. Just make sure that your man understands this too and that he understands what his roles and responsibilities are supposed to be.
- Understand your role: You're not responsible for the child in the same way that your man and the other woman are. Understand your role to play in all of this and respect the boundaries established by the baby mama. Don't try to be a second mother to the child, instead just try to build a solid relationship with the kid.
- Make your feelings clear: This is really important. Make your feelings clear to your man. If your boundaries are not being respected and your man is not giving you the attention you deserve, let him know. You deserve to be cared for and appreciated as well. That is if he cares about continuing to have a relationship with you.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.