Just Because She Got a Baby by Him Don't Mean Nothing . . . or Does It?

Updated on July 30, 2017
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Baby Mama Drama!

Oooh, this subject makes my head hurt simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has Baby Mama Drama. It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle is the director in this soap opera. But some men just don't take that job seriously enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.

Most men tend to fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to making sure everyone knows their place in his world. He just rather let the chips fall where they may instead of just being honest with everybody. Let them make the decision to stay or go. It's only one person involved in this whole situation that has no say so whatsoever and in the end this man in the middle should always choose his child. If the new woman in his life cannot except the fact that he has a child, then she needs to kick rocks. Nobody should ever come between a parent and their child.

Honesty Is A Requirement

The man is and always will be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties. He has to respect both parties. Hle has to be open with both parties. He also has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.

The most common mistake that a man dealing with Baby Mama Drama makes is he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Just by him going there with her, it sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore.

Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with, that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child. He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end.

He Needs to Tell Her the Truth

He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument. But that's not all.

This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so therefore she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (including who they're with.) So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway, because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what happens next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken interest in another.

Hold on — he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye (and believe me all men know the "eye"). But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.

How To Gain An Impenetrable Trust

Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having Baby Mama Drama. I had no feelings for him at the time. I just knew that was the first thing that I crossed out on my, 'I need a man list,' No Baby Mamas! This man had a couple. Long story short, he made me go oooh-wee, and things changed for the both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this.

Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas, with me right next to him. He would put these women on speaker phone. He did this just so I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this that one time. This man did this every time they called his phone. Just by him doing that, it opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.

My Advice To The Women Involved With Men With Children

There are rules and boundaries that you cannot cross when dealing with a man who has a child with another woman. Be mindful that if you're truly planning on making a life with this man, you have to respect his child's mother. She may not like you, but as long as you're showing her the respect of being the mother of his child then her hate for you will prove worthless. How can you hate someone who respects you?

This advice that I'm about to give will be hard for some to grasp. Those who have strong wills and cool heads will receive this advice as it is. When it comes to your man dealing with his child's mother on matters concerning their child, it is at your best interest to stay out of it. Your relationship is with him, not Baby Mama. You and your man can discuss the issues concerning both Baby Mama and child, but he must handle his issues with both alone.

If you find out he's still having sex with Baby Mama, you let him go immediately. Unless you're into sharing your man. I hate to tell you this, but if you found out that you man has slept with his Baby Mama while the two of you have been together, it will not stop. Those ties have yet to be severed and they won't be until either of them are ready to do it. It's nothing that you can do to make them stop. One of them have to say enough is enough.

Some men feel that once a woman gives birth to his child, she belongs to him forever.

Questions & Answers

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        jazlynn 

        7 weeks ago

        so my boyfriend didnt tell me he had a baby mama and she had hit me up on face book saying all this stuff about him so i had told him and he said that she dont love her nor the baby but his baby mama always telling me stuff about him and stuff and i dont know what to do

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        destiny 

        7 weeks ago

        and he lets me read theres messages and the mom tells me everything and like hes really honesty with me about everything but i dont know yo

      • profile image

        destiny 

        7 weeks ago

        I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months but when we hit 2 months i broke up with him and then got with someone else like a month later and he found out and went to have sex with this girl and got her pregnant but then me and him got back together eventually and she would always try to fight me and say all this stuff trying to ruin mine and his relationship then she left the state but would always try and start problems with him telling him he cant have the baby or nothing and now shes back and 5 months pregnant and shes going to start going to his house and stuff but he loves me to death and ive tried to tell him to just go be with her for the baby yet he doesnt want her he just wants to be apart of his kids life which i respect but im only 16 and hes 17 and this is too much for me and hes my first love and i dont want to leave him but i dont know how to deal with this on my own and ive talked to him and his mom about it and we made rules like they cant be alone together and she cant be in his room but i dont know im still hurt and stressing about this everyday and i just need some advice but not advice where its like "you need to leave him your too young" like i know already but i need some other type of advice thats makes this end good or that is helpful.

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        Miss21 

        8 weeks ago

        My boyfriend baby mom always just showing up dropping the child and staying and he allowed her too don't tell her nothing and stay in his room this sucks i appericiate that he told me because I ask but how am I suppose to feel

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        Brandon miller 

        2 months ago

        Baby ma had a baby by another man and she said it was mines is it time to move on somebody please let me no

      • profile image

        Michael Ward 

        2 months ago

        So her friend harasses the hell out of me and tells me that she is hurt, alone, homeless, 1 month pregnant and scared, I wanted to tell her " look! I don't see where that's my problem". " She certainly wasn't thinking about me when she walked out on the kids and I to go be with him screwing his brains out every night unprotected cuz she was so infatuated with him, I don't see where I fit in this? The dude don't want her she wants me back, I ain't no fool!" then her friends basically puts me on a guilt trip where I had to go find her, being that I had gotten paid I was already in a hotel. "Either way it goes she is still your wife, and your too good of a man to leave your pregnant wife out there in the streets homeless and all alone, " DAMMIT JIM she was absolutely right. I went and picked her and her things up off the side of the road and took her to my room. After her breaking down crying and apologizing to me for all of the fucked up things she has ever done to me She just told me she came from the E. R. After getting a full STD Workup and her results came back negative but positive for pregnancy, she wanted to make sure the fucker didn't pass her no shit she can pass to me after the 2 other times she gave me the clap after going out fucking other men years earlier, she some how got it in her head the first thing we were going to engage in was make up sex, and didn't want me to get infected if she was infected with something, just careless... I sat Quiet.. I had nothing to say. I made sure she showered and was fed. That night she undressed down to her t shirt with no panties, I had a 2 bed hotel room so I told her she can have the first bed, I'll take the other, instead she got into my bed wanting to finally have sex with me..i wasn't feeling it, because I could not get out of my mind her letting this guy ejaculate inside of her when it was supposed to be me.. Why she did that I do not know.. But I sat there the whole night in deep thought.. Pissed bouncing back and forth in my head should I just say fuck what the courts say kick her that unborn baby the fuck out my room, or fuckin forgive her for this shit after the 40th time of her cheating on me and getting knocked up. But who was I kidding... I was all alone out here. No family or friends. This woman being the only one I've been with for 12 years, is the only woman I know, and half the friend I ever had. She wanted us to work on getting our kids back, and I am in a place where I feel the kids are safer where they are in a healthy enviornment with a family that can take care of them because I was no longer financially nor mentally stable to care for them, so she pressures me to get the kids back because she is still receiving aid for them, but I am not ready.. I don't want my kids to get hurt by her anymore. So I notice the close it gets to becoming due to give birth and no results of me getting the kids back her whole demeanor is starting to change back. But I don't really care anymore like I used to. I've noticed I've changed as to where I'm ready for her to tell me to drop her off somewhere and be done with it. She is not going to treat me like shut after all I've done to support her through this pregnancy even though it ain't my child. So now I feel like I want to be done with her. I do not want to be on the birth certificate and I told her that. She needs to name that baby after her biological father. Since he was man enough to walk in my home, lie to me in my face as if they were not fuckin and take my woman then knock her up, he can be man enough to pay for his child. I don't plan on paying for no child that isn't mine out of wedlock. She needs to woman up, get of her ass and report his ass to child support. Any suggestions?

      • profile image

        Michael Ward 

        2 months ago

        She regretted cheating and as I fool I took her back... Now she is 9 months pregnant and we still don't have a sex life, she has no contact with the dude, and is now doing all this talking about she wants us to move somewhere far from here. I have been stepping up as the father of this child, but I don't want to be legally the father because she is most likely going to cheat again and I don't want to be the fool raising another man's child she concieved from adultery. I don't want to be a fool again.. Plus I have no tolerance for her anymore. I only want to help as a friend. I'm not trying to have her pin me with the full child support responsibility being the biological father wants nothing to do with the child. And she talks about having another child with me I don't know if it's guilt or what? But cps have not given my kids back for 1 year now.. I feel as if I'm single and I'm starting to love it and shying away from my wife, but my wife now wants to know every second who I'm on the phone with, where I'm going, be up under me ever five seconds, but no type of intimacy.. Because she says her body hurts from the pregnancy. So I don't bother her. She still remains on her phone day in and day out.. I will not let her out my name on the birth certificate, only the man she concieved with. My question is am I wrong for doing this? I think about the baby not having her biological dad.. But I'm willing to offer support on grounds that I'm not legally documented as the presumed father or father.

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        Michael Ward 

        2 months ago

        I search for support blogs in accordance to my situation, but all I see on Google Search is men, cheating on their wives, men this, men that, but it rarely is searches that come up but a few of women who cheat on their husbands. My situation is I've been married for 12 years... For the past 12 years 11 of those years I have spent in an abusive, cheating relationship with my wife, And NO! I was not the abuser nor cheater she was. And as I calculated and documented every incident every year for the past 11 years she has gone out and cheated the same months during the same seasons and I don't know why, I have begged and pleaded to her, even threatened divorce, but nothing seemed to work, she would stop for a little bit spend most of her time on facebook day in and day out private messages going to the bathroom posing as if she is using the toilet, but in actuality sending nude photos to these guys, locking herself in my truck with the windows rolled up chatting with these guys,

        making it seem to them as if she is doing what she is doing because I'm the cheater in the relationship being very manipulative. I would force her out of my truck, and threaten to kick her and her shot out of my house if she so fixed on the guy, he can come get her and take care of her. After all I saw in her text messages and pictures where she was so fixated on the guy she began trying to have his baby. Sending him photos of her pregnancy tests the whole 9. I was so pissed... I'm a retired disabled veteran, presumably Married with 3 children.9 years of her being in and out of jail for dv, to cps involvement on numerous occasions from her drinking, and physical abuse to Long nights and days of her drinking and yelling at me, putting her hands on me, breaking my nose while I was putting out 8 month old son to sleep was very deviating to me, being that I am a Christian I do not put my hands on women so I took a brute majority of the pounding she gave in pure rage. She was on some drugs, E pills and god knows whatever else, hanging with her smack smoking buddies. To her one day waiting till my back was turned while I was caring for our children, being that she had no interest in being a mother to them, she would slip out the door undetected until I seen her speed off with the dude she was cheating on me with for the past 8 months,thats disappearing weeks upon weeks, looking for her to find out she was shacked up in the bay area with some thug, I have had no romantic or intimate relationship with my wife for weeks upon weeks,

        crying every night because I yearned for her heartbroken, in pain, lonely, tired, and finally bored of the constant scheming and cheating, she financially ruined us to the point I was homeless with my children. I finally had come to my wits end with this chick and life, with a ball of tears rolling from my eyes, and my children's eyes as they tugged on my clothes not to let them go, as the cps worker drug them into the back of the building I had to place my kids in a receiving home to get them off the streets and wound up getting a cps case on grounds of DV for her breaking my nose, and neglect from her taking 1500 in cash aid, and 1675 in food stamps to spending it all on the guy she was sleeping with, to selling them for drugs, and booze instead of helping me to feed our kids I found myself heartbroken, financially drained, lonely, and scared sleeping out of my truck in parks, on the side of the roads in the outskirts of the city, to eating in shelters.. I felt as if my life was over. Till i tried to file a divorce which the California courts do not make it easy being there are children involved and my wife is cheating on me with the next guy so to have her served would take months of investigation on her whereabouts which costs time and money. So it is a long tedious process. But one day out of the blue I get a call from her friend congratulating me on our new baby on the way. I had walked around in circles half the day on the phone with her friend explaining to her that my wife took off with the next guy and she has not touched me in months, not had any interest in being physical with me, we never even kiss because she says she isn't a kisser , but I caught her engaging in the nastiest lip locking sex act with this guy in the backseat of his car, doing things to him she has never done to me in all the years we have been married. Oh well so I tell her the baby isn't mine, it's the dude she is with, so her friend gets off the phone with me and calls her back telling her to come clean. She finally came clean saying " Yes. It's not my husband's it's Kevin's baby. " so I say " why is she calling me with this knowing its the dudes, but she calls the dude to break the news to him, and low and behold LMAO he tells her " Bitch, that ain't my baby you using your homegirl pregnancy test to trap me, get off my line and lose my number". Karma comes around because he indeed relocated, stood her up the night she told him she was pregnant, changed his number and was ghost. Her friend called me telling me the son of a butch stood her up and wants nothing to do with her or the baby, what she thought was she had a new man, he was going to mover her in. Swoop her up like a night in shining armor, but that wasn't the case he just wanted ass...so she cried and cried heartbroken.

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        Jennifer 

        2 months ago

        I have an 8 month old daughter, but my babys dad left me for another girl while I was about 1 month and a half pregnant. I never told him when the doctors appointments were, nor when the baby was born, nor did I put his last name on her or put him on the birth certificate, because I didn't think he deserved any of it for what he did to me. Two and a half months after the baby was born, I started having problems with my mom and knowing he had a girlfriend I went to go live with him, the first few weeks and month we were good...until On Thanksgiving he forced me to have sex when I didn't want to, I started crying and he apologizes afterwards. That happened, he is still with his girlfriend though, but he would slap my butt,and touch me, I would tell him to stop because he has a girlfriend and he said she doesn't have to know. We had sex several times afterwards...but there would be times where we would argue and he would hit me...he would act jealous when I talked about boys. But he is still with his girlfriend? Does he love her? or me?

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        EricaMR 

        2 months ago

        Hi Tarkishat,

        I need an outsider's opinion, besides friends and family.

        So I met my husband when his daughter was 8 months old. At first I wasn't taking the relationship seriously because I didn't want to be involved with his Baby Mama Drama. I told him that. And by seriously, I didn't think it would last. But obviously it did and I fell in love with him and his little girl. I did my best to stay out of it besides encouraging him to go after his visitation right's and pay child support on time. And he did. We would drive hours to pick up his daughter on his weekends, and he was never behind on support. He tried so hard to keep her involved with his life. That's why I loved him so much. I admired his courage and perseverance because his Baby Mama made it very difficult on him to see the girl. She would sometimes not on be there to let him pick up. She never drove half way, and she was constantly moving from place to place. Things went from bad to worse and by the time the girl was in kindergarten. DSC was involved because she was missing school and there was neglect in care, violence, robberies, and drugs involved. We got the girl in 2015. And she been with us since. It's been really hard on her because she doesn't understand and remember what her mom did. Her mom is now living with her parents. She was on strict supervised visitation for a year but now they are lifted to just they can be unsupervised for as long as the mom continues to live with her parents. It's weird because she can still take the girl where ever she wants and she does. I'm not so worried that she's doing strong drugs (maybe pot and drinks) but she's still working at a bar (and only for maybe 6 months) and is living with a guy we know nothing about. And I'm just assuming living with him because every weekend the girl is spending the night with her mom she is there alone with that guy while her mom is at work. And now her mom is asking the court that she be lifted from all supervised visits and that she can move out of her parents.

        We are not sure what to do. and that brings me to my question...Should he agree and not take this court?- in the mean time the State is taking her to court for not pay child support for the 3rd time in a year...(it's $20 a week. My husband asked for no child support order in court, but the judge said there has to be something and set it at 20)

        He doesn't want to go to court. She's already lawyer'd up, so if he goes then he feels like he should get one too. But that sucks on the stress and money. But I don't think she's proven that she's stable enough to take care of the girl when she has her. The longest she held a job is this current one. and she was suppose to give him an itinerary (court ordered) of her plans for the weekends with the girl, but NEVER has. She wants to constantly change the time scheduled of when she picks up and drops off and he tries to be flexible, but when he says "sorry that won't work today because we have plans", she flips outs and cusses and yells at him. I don't see any improvements yet. She is not support herself and can even pay child support...Why should he trust her to make good decisions with the girl

        On the other hand, I think agreeing to this order is showing her mom that we want to start over. I want too. I want us to get along and stop the bickering. I'm tried of it. I wish they could just come to an agreement and trust each other. I recommended before he agree or drag it to court, that we to go out to dinner with her in a public place and talk. Talk about what are plans for the future are with her job, boyfriend, living arrangement, and parenting time. Talk about what needs to be done in order from him to start trusting her. But he said she'll lie about anything and she shouldn't be trusted, but at the same time he's thinking about signing the order to lift supervised visits just so he doesn't have to deal with the court. I just think it's silly to give her such a large amount of responsibility when you have no reason to trust her. So if he does want to trust her, then he needs to talk to her and respect her.

        So should we take a leap of faith? Should he risk the girl's safety and well-being and try it out and see how it goes, that what it feels like.

        Or should we let the court decide if she deserves more freedom and trust?

        What do you think?

        Sorry this is so long!

        Thanks for your time,

        Erica

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        T Green 

        3 months ago

        My husband had 8 kids before our son together and I have a problem with him going to another state to his son graduation because his bm still flirts with him and calls to much

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        wise one 

        3 months ago

        marie.....let the past be the past , clearly this old boo thang has a crazy baby momma who will fight for him!! Mind over matter!!!

        don't get your feeling hurt!!!

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        Marie 

        3 months ago

        When I was younger I met my first love during the summer at the age of 14. I know that's very young to start a relationship sexual or not but both of our parents were single parents with three kids and worked a lot. When my father found out what was going on he was upset about the situation and moved me out of state to live with my mother. I thought there was no point in keeping contact with this boy because I knew it would be impossible to keep a long distance relationship at such a young age. I focused on my studies but always kept him in mind. Fast forward to now and he has a son a few months old with a girl who from what I can tell is as crazy about him as I am. I travelled out of state recently to see him and see if these feelings are still as strong as they were then and boy oh boy are they ever. When I asked him what the situation is with his baby mama he says, "she's crazy. Doesn't want to work. She's my baby mama and we have a son together." A part of me still is unsure if I should continue this long distance relationship since they were together for 2 years and their baby is only 7 months old. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but he's also at a job that doesn't pay him very well. Should I walk away from this? Am I stupid for thinking this could work?

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        Steph 

        4 months ago

        Jacob.. can u send me an email to mrsbm@live.nl. we are in the same situation. Maybe we can support each other

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        Jacob 

        4 months ago

        Help... I was going out with this girl for 7 years and she fooled around and left me for another guy... 2 years later her and the guy break up because he’s always working away. Mind you they have a kid together now. Now we are back together ... how do I act? They have a kid so there always texting and meeting up? This is the guy she was fooling around with and left me for?

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        Confuse101 

        4 months ago

        Hi I need advice really bad. I met this guy through a dating site in 2016. We both have 1 child each from previous relationships. My son father died when he was a baby. My friend told me about his situation with his baby mama. How he has to go to her house to their daughter. I'm all in for him to be spending time with his daughter, I just think she wheeling him in little by little so they can be back together. I like him a lot and my son and him gets along great. He treats us with respect I'm just afraid that this good thing is going to come to an end. He said he will never go back to her but things changed. Basically I don't want to wait around like a sitting duck. Something about this man I can't let go and I tried but at the same time I'm thinking I need to call it quits. I'm not rushing into anything he calls me his girlfriend and his future includes my son and I, but I just don't know. I know he cares about us a lot I'm just not sure if this temporarily or what. I don't want to get hurt but I don't want to be stupid either. Everyday it's 50/50 for me to be with him or not. Can I handle all this plus my own plate? And a lot of times I feel like this not for me. What should I do? Please can anyone help me? Thank you.

        P.S. I never knew truly loving someone with the whole package is a lot. I know I shouldn't commit but I honestly didn't think we make it this far and to have this much meaning.

      • profile image

        I don't know what to do... 

        4 months ago

        Hi All,

        First of all.. very great article! I've been struggling with my Fiance too. We know each other for 6 years. When we met he already had 2 kids. Everything went fine with that one. After 2 years we broke up. He moved to an other country in Europe. In that time he had a baby with an other woman, they weren't together and he told her from the beginning that he wouldn't be with her just because of the baby. He said he would take care of his daughter and always is gonna be there for her. And he kept his word until now. He didn't love the mother and told me that he didn't want the baby in the first place, there were no plans to get pregnant. Yet he takes his responsibility as a father and he is in her life.

        He moved from Europe to the US 2 months after she gave birth.

        He came back to Europe after living for 2 years in the states. We found out that we still love each other and we agreed to come back together and make the best of it. We are even engaged now. I am very aware that I also said yes to his children the moment he proposed me.

        He don't have a bond with his last daughter. She is just 2 now and live in an other country in Europe ( only 3 hours drive from where we live ). There is contact through video call and since he came back from the US he only got to see her twice. I really respect the fact that he is trying to take his responsibility as a father and trying to be in his daughters life because he didn't want the baby from the beginning.

        He told her mother that he and I are back together and that we are engaged. He asked her if I can see her daughter. Her answer was no. I understand her, its not easy because she don't know me yet. I asked her if we can meet up and find a way that will work for all of us. His other 2 kids are spending every weekend with us so why wouldn't I want his last daughter in my life too. She admit that she still love my Fiance and there will be no way that I will get to meet his daughter. Not until her love for him is over. After his last visit at his daughter she was calling me and sending me messages with stories that they had sex and he tried to rape her. The moment she said that he tried to rape her... I knew she was lying. My fiance is not capable of that. I know!! I'm not saying that he isn't capable of cheating.. but rape?! Hellllll no!!

        She is trying to make it difficult for me because she don't want us to be together. He told her and he told me that even if he wasn't with me... He would never go to her and be with her.. He never loved her...

        The thing is.. She don't want to give him his daughter to spend time, she wants to be there all the time too and I can not come. This is hurting me so much because I am literally taking care of his other kids, but with this one I can not play a role. Her birthday is coming up and he will go there with his other 2 kids and I can not come. My fiance and I are having problems because of this issue. Every time he talks about Her, or tell me that he is going to see her.. I get sad and don't know how to act. It feels that I don't belong to his "whole" family. The whole situation is breaking my heart and I don't know how to handle this. What should I do? What CAN I do?

        He asked her again to sit down together and talk. He told her that I am gonna be his wife and I deserve to see his daughter too. He asked her if we can find a way that will work for all of us. She said no, she said she will never talk to me and I can never come close to her daughter.

        Oh and.. .. She is having different boyfriends and she let those guys come close to her daughter. But her father can not come see her with his very soon wife to be.... It feels so unfair and I am scared that this thing will break us, even though we are strong and trying to make it work. I am the one who can't find a way to handle this situation... sisters!! Please help me :-(. Sorry for my English, I am from Europe :-). Big hug from Stephanie.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        4 months ago

        Hi Jessica,

        Wow their families are so close, that is a lot of uncertainty to deal with. If you love him enough to stick with him while he's in prison, you should love him enough to trust him to do right by you when he gets out. Easier said than done I know. You have to let him know ahead of time what you expect from him when he gets out. Don't stress yourself now about something that's a couple of years away. A lot can happen between now and then, but I get your concern. She left him when he needed her most and I don't know about you, but that can really change your feelings for a person. Don't make her a part of your relationship though. Just focus on what you and him are trying to build together. Don't bring her up in conversation, because bringing her up puts her right in the middle of your relationship. That just takes the focus from the two of you and putting the spotlight on her. You should be using this time apart getting to know each other on a deeper level. When he gets out don't try to hold onto him for dear life. He's going to want to go and see all of his family and friends. A freed man does not want to be put on lock down after he's gotten out of jail. Here's how you can tell just how much you mean to him. When he gets out and he's getting ready to go over to his folks house for the first and he doesn't invite you to come over with him then there could be a reason why. I have had my share of boyfriends, but the ones that were real keepers couldn't wait for me to meet their family and friends. If there's nothing there then it shouldn't be no problem bringing you around everybody.

        Keep in touch I really want to see how this all turns out. I wish you nothing but the best.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        4 months ago

        Hi MI MI,

        She's just trying to get under somebody's skin. If they are indeed old pics she wants the next female he gets to know that she exists and that she's not going anywhere.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        4 months ago

        Thanks Rose!

      • profile image

        MI MI 

        4 months ago

        I have a question to ask..i would like to know if a man broke up with a woman who have kids for him..why is she posting past pics of him and her together on fb..

      • profile image

        Rose 

        4 months ago

        Awesome article

      • profile image

        Jessica 

        5 months ago

        Hey so I’m dating a guy I’ve known for over 21 yrs we grew up across the street from each other, he currenting is incarnated until 2020.. I know but it works for me cause I love him deeply and I’ve been celibate before him for 3yrs.. Before he got locked up his teenage relationship the girl got pregnant the baby wasn’t his, she named him after my bf, he still took care of the baby for 2yrs, before he got incarcerated it’s been 10yrs so far, he said the bm was there for him for the first 4 yrs but he said she said she got move on with her life, I’ve been there for him since 2016.. my worries is before he got locked up they was together even tho the kid wasn’t his his family still care for the child and look after the bm and her family got them all jobs at Chrysler so they close to the bm still. She moved on got 3 kids by 4 different men I’m counting the unknown guy too and a 1 baby mama that help raised they son while my bf been locked. The baby mama said she don’t want my bf to take there son away from her wen he get out. He said he hasn’t talk to her in over 5 years, she even stay with his mom wen she got layed off for 1 yr and stay with his mom, in 2015 he said she didn’t even talk to him, while at his moms for a year. I feel like he was wheeling to take care of a child that wasn’t his and etc he deeply loved her and I’m kind of worried they gonna get back together wen he gets out. He said she is engaged to the last baby daddy, so they will not get back to together he been gone for so long he telling what he will do I feel. He took her from his friend back in the day, the guy said he was still having sex with her the whole time my bf and her was together and that the son looks like him. So I feel like wen he gets out he could have like a Love relapse cause he was so head over heals for her he was willing to stay with her even tho the son wasn’t his and them getting together even tho they both go ppl never stopped them before, you know cause how he got her.. so lol I know it’s a lot and we are dating his family told her and she now be trying to say little things to him, smh so idk should I leave him alone with the baby mama drama..

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        JasmineBirmingham 

        5 months ago

        Okay so I’m 20 and I’m interested in a guy who I know of through mutual friends and he’s 25 turning 26 in June . So me and him are suppose to hook up but i recently found out that he has a child who is 7 months and a baby mother who has 2 baby fathers including him , 2 daughters and one of them is his of course so you know . I normally prefer men with no children I’m into older guys as well and most older dudes have children so I’m not surprised , but I don’t know if I should still try and date him or blow him off because of immature thinking due to not wanting him because I don’t do men with kids ! Only reason why I’m tempted is a guy who I used to fool around with from my past was lingering me around and still sleeping with his baby mother ! It traumatized me a bit lol , so now I have this bit of fear in me where I’m scared if dudes always sleep with their child’s mothers ! I’m not tryna be a negative thinker but it’s like idk not every man is the same trust I know theirs some out there who aren’t even infatuated with their child’s mothers but idk what to do my gut feeling is telling me give him a chance but my mind is really anxious about this ! What should I do ?

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        Confusedinlove 

        5 months ago

        I too have a weird situation...my boyfriend of 5 months was co-parenting, living with his ex until a month or so ago..He now lives out of the house. They haven’t been intimate in 5 years, and in that time they haven’t attended each other’s family events, or do anything together. They have essentially lived separate lives for years. Separate bedrooms, ect: This is confirmed by all of his friends (most have never met her) that they haven’t been together for years, and they too are surprised by the situation. I was fine with all this, until she found out about me and started threatening me. I was caught completely off guard. She answered his phone one night and yelled that he is her fiancé and I’m a home wrecker..4 months into mine and his relationship, after we’ve both fallen for each other and he confesses that he’s never felt this love for anyone.mind you, we had spent countless nights together, hotels, stayed at my home, trips. Never seemed like she didn’t know or cared. I’m told He gave her a ring 9 years ago because she didn’t want to deal with the questions of having a child and not being married, but he insists it was never an engagement. She’s older and it sounds more like she wanted a child and he obliged. He is a caretaker by nature. However, Once she found out about me, she refused him contact with their child, that he is extremely close with..brought to and from school, brought to business affairs, talks about constantly, he would do anything and everything for this child, amazing father! So she held it above him that unless he stopped seeing me, he was never going to see his son. He was heartbroken and I was worried..he was depressed. So he told her he and I were never together, it was a misunderstanding and we weren’t talking anymore: she now lets him see their son. We now meet secretly at his place, go to dinner, ect in another town, but I’m not allowed to text or call him: she is on his plan and checks the records daily. She doesn’t work and relies on him for support and he gives her everything monetary that she asks for. I know that he loves her for being the mom to his child, and I have always been absolutely supportive of this, he is a very giving person. He knows that it bothers me though that I’m now a secret and we don’t talk or text thruout the day, yet spend every night together. His retort is that he can’t live without seeing his son and this is the only way that can happen, he has to abide by her rules, and that he loves me and hopes I can understand this. I now hate this woman, I feel like she is unfair in withholding him from being happy. Part of me feels like I should just end the relationship, I have a couple times because I think it’s unfair to me, but he begged me to come back. I just feel guilty now that he’s lying to her, but is so in love with his son, that he sees no other way than to keep us secret. Thoughts on what to do?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        5 months ago

        Hi Nuna,

        Wow you do have a dilemma. I first want to let you know that this does not all fall on you. It takes two to tango. He is the one who has a whole wife at home. His obligations are to be true to her and not make a baby with someone else. I understand you feeling bad that you were dating a married man, but he hurt her more than you ever could. Don't let him make you feel like this is all on you. He committed adultery, not you. The moving in together thing, I'm not feeling at all. Why would you want to shack up with a married man. You didn't say that he was leaving his wife for you, so I'm trying to figure out how this will work. I would be skeptical as well. If you don't trust this situation, have a backup plan just in case this doesn't work out. Your child needs you to have a backup plan. If you don't have another place to stay if this doesn't work out, then you really shouldn't take a chance on uncertainty. I wish you all the best, congrats on the baby and Lord give his poor wife strength because, he is out here making plans to continue to deceive her.

      • profile image

        Nuna 

        5 months ago

        I have a dilemma from the other perspective. That's to say, I'm the mother of the child, and he's married. He's just told his wife about me and the baby, telling her that we got close and it was a one off last year (I'm 34 weeks pregnant). But that's not true, we have been seeing each other for over 18 months.

        He's trying to stop his wife from being hurt anymore than she already is, and I understand why he's held back some of the truth. He told her about the baby and she broke down. They don't have any children, but she wants them. He feels terrible, he hates himself for the pain he's caused, and I think he blames me for some of the guilt he's feeling. Of course, I'm not an innocent party in any of this, and I accept that. But I'm worried that he now blames me. I've been encouraging him to tell his wife everything for 6 months, and he's told me time and time again that he would do it, only for it to be left this late.

        We're getting a place together in a couple of weeks, and she doesn't know about it. I'm arranging my move right now so that I'm in the house by the time the baby arrives and I'm worried that the guilt he's feeling will make him back out to stay at home and console his wife. She will always be a part of his life, and I understand and accept that, but I worry that he will turn his back on me and the baby and I will be left with the financial burden of the house we're getting together.

        I don't know how to deal with the situation. I want to support him through the hardship, but I can't see how to do that if he blames me for it, and I'm dealing with a newborn baby. What do I do?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        5 months ago

        I've been MIA and I apologize. I'm back to chat with y'all. Thanks for all the comments.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        5 months ago

        Hi MimiC,

        Why are you even wasting your time on somebody who refuses to claim you and his baby. Girl he's not even worth the time it took you to write that comment. He has a girlfriend. Good luck to her. I know he's your child's father and that's all he'll be. Let him help take care of the child if he chooses and him and his lie can stay far far far away. Him not claiming you and his child, is so disrespectful, unacceptable, trifling, nasty and just downright uncouth. You deserve better. Prayers for you and your babies.

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        MimiC 

        5 months ago

        I have a 2 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant .. this childs dad has a new girlfriend and he wants to lie to her about me and the baby. Saying I’m his cousin or neice or something ... I told him I’m not doing it and I won’t .. he gets mad at me and hangs up on me when I tell him He acts like my son’s dad . I’m just so confused and hurt he doesn’t wanna set boundaries and tell the truth .. just don’t know what to do ...

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        M C 

        6 months ago

        My bf has a 2 1/2 little girl grom previous relationship he messages alot not just to check on daughter and all he talks about to there mutual friends is her especially since she recently started seeing someone. Is he obsessed with her???

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        Ardelli 

        6 months ago

        So my BD and I been together for 2 1/2 years we have a daughter who's 2 and he has 2 other kids who are 5 and 3. Are relationship has always been rocky because i tell him to set boundaries and he never does. He talks to her and text her everyday almost like every hour. I recently got drunk and was really upset and i punched him. I seen the call log because he did not spoke to me all day not even about our child and he talked to her once again all day text and calls, like 40 text each back and forth. I'm pretty sure is not about the kids. Did I push him to her ??

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        Girly girl 

        6 months ago

        So ive been dating my bf for 1 1/2 yrs and he has 4 kids with his ex. He can only see them at her house. He only talks to her when im not around. If he does talk to her on the phone its quick responses. Im not allowed to go with him to see the kids cus she doesnt feel comfortable. Every time theres something wrong with her car or dryer he drops everything to help her. Then when he goes to see the kids he goes round 7p and stays til 4:30a or even stayed all night one night when i was at work and left there to get me from work at 7am. What shld i do? He says im ignorant for thinking there is stuff goin on.

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        Justalaydee 

        7 months ago

        I was wondering your take on this:

        I’ve been dealing with my boyfriend now of 1 1/2 year and I got pregnant in June. We don’t live together due to some circumstances. While he was staying at his cousin house around his baby mama they had sex while I was pregnant! He never told me I found out thru a mutual friend. Idk how to feel like he said he told her he doesn’t want to be with her and that he chooses me or whatever but I’m still iffy on their relationship. What do you think? I love him but idk if I’ll ever trust him

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        Tiffany 

        7 months ago

        She had a baby with my man.And then had a baby with somebody else in high school.Only 16 and pregnant.Make up your mind.

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        magdalina 

        8 months ago

        Hello, (Im 18 and my bf is 27)Today I just found out that my bf that I live with got a baby son, BM is born yesterday, my bf is really upset bc he loves his son but also he loves me, he doesnt love BM but he respects her. They had a one night stand before we met. And he tried to live with her even he didnt had any feelings for her and he couldnt live with her any longer bc he didnt loved her at all. I dont know what to do bc i dont know BM i think she hates me bc she still have feelings for him, i never saw her, she either. i dont know if i will understand their ''friendship??'' between BM and my bf. im really sad bc he never ever told me about her and her pregnancy so i guess i cant believe him anymore. Im kinda jealous of her bc my bf seems to be really happy about their baby but worried about me. Im worried of, if we gonna still be together and have our own child is he gonna love our child more than BM's son? i love him so much i dont want to loose him at all. He works really a lot so we dont have enough time for each other i begged him to spend much time as possible with me but now i think he is gonna spend his time for her son and her BM. Im someone who wants really much attention from my bf. i dont even know how i feel Im really angry, sad, upset, lost. Please what should i do? Should I stay and support him with his problems or should I live..? And if im gonna stay what should i do? im getting really easily jealous bc im loosing all the trust for him bc he kept everything secret and his family too.

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        Jane 

        8 months ago

        I'm really glad that i found this page and with your advice i was able to cope . thanks once again big sis. we finally went back to our country September the month we were expecting our baby from his ex girlfriend, when we got back to his house i had to travel to my home town and wait for him to break the news to me when she puts to birth ,the few days i spent there with him was hell because she kept calling and asking my man to come make love to her because she wants to put to birth easily, i felt bad reading such messages from her, but still i left everything into God's hand. well to cut the long story shut , my man called me on phone one night and told me to pray that she was under labor , and later on told me she put to birth a baby boy. i congratulated him on phone and advice him to go see her the next day buy her provisions and other necessary things she will be needing at that point . though i wasn't happy about everything i just needed to be strong for myself. afterwards i allowed him to have a very good time with his son, because he had to go there everyday to visit his son. every time he tells me his going there i always feel terrible. i won't call him until he calls to talk to me. i will ask him how she is doing and our son , he will tell me thy are fine, he was very excited and even celebrated with his friends , posted his son on facebook with nice write ups. i felt a little jealous , i wished i was the mother of his child but all same i commented on the post and because we were in a relationship everyone thought i bore the child which i accepted the way they thought. finally he asked me to come back home that i was staying longer , i returned to meet him up , on that week was the naming ceremony i was advice not to attend to avoid problem from his baby mama but he wanted me to be there with him. i bluntly said i will wait at home for him. Lol that night wen he returned he narrated everything that happened it wasn't funny , she made trouble with him telling him he should spend the night with her and the baby, that he hasn't slept with her since she got pregnant, it was really shameful in the presence of their guest. anyway he didn't ,the next day he went back with his friends to go and see his son, on reaching there she was frowning , so they asked her why she was acting that way she said because he calls her baby mama , she still wants to know if after giving him a son if he still doesn't want her. according to my man he said he told her again that i already told you this before that the only thing between us is our child which am doing everything right for you but we are not in any intimate relationship. immediately she jumped up and started shouting and crying that she regret ever having that child for him , she threaten to deal with him , she said alot of evil words to him, he came home that day feeling down, but yet he still called her to ask after the son , the answer she gave was what kind of stupid question is that, soon this child will call you uncle not father since i now know my stand in your life. Big sis it wasn't easy i felt bad for him , he was restless. a boy child is suppose to be circumcise after four days but she refuse to do what she is suppose to do, she won't buy the child drugs that the doctor prescribe , in fact she is a wicked girl because her sister that came to bath the baby left on the s4cond week because she refuse to buy food in the house, and my man gave her good money for her upkeep. one night my man told me he will go carry his son , i thought he was just saying it out of anger , really he went to bring them to the house , i was inside the room when he returned with them , he brought our little angel inside the room and locked the door , i couldn't go out, i was so happy anyway when i saw this baby looking so innocent i carried him and pet him. i started hearing sounds outside it was the mother shouting and requesting for her child . i heard him saying you can come see him whenever you want since you can't take care of him well . anyway is a very long story , i and my man are back to the country with his son. am now mothering him and his so cute , i feel peace in my heart . i call him shalom. the funny thing is that his mother has never message my man . i was expecting she does but till now , instead she now wears new cloth and pose on facebook. Help me with more advice , will this child grow up to love me ? because i see him as mine, the only thing is that he didn't come out of my bowels. he will call me mummy.

      • profile image

        tarkishat (Author) 

        9 months ago

        Hi Feelinghurt,

        It seems that he and his BM are really close and they discuss everything. There is a level of respect and protectiveness that some men have for the mother of their child. This still doesn't excuse him from snapping on you like that. He went over board and it may be best if you never speak to him again. He seems to have a quick temper. He did however put her on speakerphone so that you can see that their relationship is nothing more than a friendship. My husband talks to the mother of his child for long periods of time, about the child, her job and whatever else she has going on. It doesn't bother me, because I know she can talk a lot and they are friends. It's important for them to get along and I'm cool with it. He probably should have explained how his relationship is with his BM so that you wouldn't take him being on the phone with her that long as a problem.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        9 months ago

        Hi Archibabe,

        This is one of those situations where you really just have to let go for the sake of keeping a family together. If he truly wanted to leave the mother of his kids, nothing would stop him. He hasn't and he won't. He steps out with you because he can and because you're allowing it. Trust me, you don't want those issues that this man has going on. It's nice of you to want to be there for his children as well, but really take into account what he would be really bringing to the table. Is he really worth 18 years of Baby Mama Drama? What about thousands of dollars from your bank account and nights of him going to see his kids and you wondering if him and BM are still messing around? You deserve to have a man with eyes and dreams only for you. Just my opinion. I wish you nothing but the best with whatever decision you make. Thanks for commenting!

      • profile image

        Archibabe 

        9 months ago

        Hello! I am glad someone wrote this kind of hub. I've dated a guy months ago not knowing that he's in a relationship with another woman. The only thing that I know during that time was he has a baby momma in which they have settled the terms for the kid.when I found out about his gf, I told him that I will not compromise and he has to leave the girl if he wants me to stay in his life. Before he was able to do that, his gf found out about our relationship and month after that, she got pregnant. A month after his gf gave birth, we became together again because we realized that we still have feelings for each other. However, he's currently living with the baby momma and I told him that I will try to understand his situation for the sake of his baby. I just don't know what to do and how I can ask him to leave the baby momma since the girl just gave birth. Hope you can help me with this dilemma. I will support him with his baby. I just don't want him to continue living with the baby momma.

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        Rshtaw@yahoo.com 

        10 months ago

        Hello

        I had been single for two years not even wanting a relationship. My friend wanted me to go on a double date with these men from out of town. I was not sure but I told her I would. He ended up calling me and I decided to go out with him. We hit it off the moment we met as if we knew each other for years. So he was scheduled to leave back home two weeks after we met. The last week he was here we stay together the whole time . When talked about alot of things we said we would keep in touch here n there cool. Then he went home we talked all the time on the phone falling asleep everything. He told me I needed to call him more an everything then he started flying me everywhere he went . I felt like he was my sole mate I never felt that way about anyone. He never had a women like me. So before he came back here the last time I guess he ex got in contact to let them know he had a baby with her. Mind you he had became a changed man with a vision also more eye candy. (Me of coarse) They had a bad break up n he lost everything. So now he got his job n new car looking cool and happy she came back saying she wanted to raise the baby in a twi parent household he thought about it and said they should. Me being a women said How can I be mad at that I mean whatever. We were friends first ao why

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        Feelinghurt 

        11 months ago

        Here's my story my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and it's been a long distance relationship I live five hours away. On august 12 I drove to NC to see him from AL. He lives in SC but was working in NC. Saturday was amazing he got off work was tired there were no phone calls it was just us. We had the best sex ever that night. But Sunday he came in from work his back was hurting so I told him to sit in front of me so I could rub his back. I'm the process of rubbing his back his baby mama called at first she was talking about the child and that was really ok with me then she changed the topic to her problems at work and spoke to him for about an hour or more. During his conversation he put it on speaker and I heard a portion of it. I kinda felt disrespected and hurt because the call lasted so long. Later I expressed the fact that the conversation hurt my feelings. And I told him I was ok when it was about the child but when it changed to being about her. I told him he should have told her he had something to take car and told her he would talk to her later. He completely went off on me and told me to never bring up his baby mama and what they talked about again and that he was not gone go back and forth with no female. Which is not what I was trying to do all I wanted him to know was how it made me feel and explained to him I was not disrespecting his baby mama or trying to make him angry when I told him about my feelings and he still got angry. I don't understand why he responded like that and was I wrong for bringing it up. But I haven't heard from him since then.

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        Hi Im Jacky 

        11 months ago

        OK here's my long story so brace yourselves. I met this guy about 8 months ago and we hit it off like a house on fire. I fell deep and hard for him. OK I got pregnant with in 3 months of us dating. It is a long distance relationship so i saw him every weekend. His mother had called asking to speak to me so he gave me his cell phone , after i spoke to her an SMS came in from a strange number but it was a long message about how she was tired of his lies, and he kept telling her he would come break up with me but he never did. I asked him who she was and he told me that she was an ex who wouldnt let things go. OK that weekend past and he went back. Apearantly the moment he left my place he went to her so they could talk and they were back together. When he came for the weekend is when i found out that she was also pregnant by him , just one mont ahead of me. I was crushed!! I started screaming and shouting at him he just sat on the bed looking at me with a blank look on his face and started apologizing on his knees. I was broken , theres another woman also pregnant with his baby , also his first baby. She knew about me all this time when her and I spoke. She told me everything. They got into a relationship one day before him and I did, and all this time he spend the week with her and the weekends with me. Now he kept sleeping with her behind my back and she was OK with that. She wanted to chat with me but guess it was only to find out how things were between him and I. Recently he told me that he wanted to take a break becouse the situation he created was too much to bare and that I needed time to sort himself out. I said ok but later she contacted me saying that appearantly he had told her that him and i broke up. Which wasnt true because he told her that since they were in the process of hooking back up. Now we are still together , she is giving birth in November and I am giving birth in December and I suspect that the two of them are still chatting behind my back. I dont know what to do

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        11 months ago

        Hi The Rational Woman,

        If you read my hub you can see that I was at the time that I wrote this hub, the girlfriend of a man who had Baby Mama Drama. I have since revised this hub, because now I am a Baby Mama myself. I get it on both ends. The Baby Mama does deserve some respect, because she is the mother of his child. If you love the man, you should love the child as well. By loving the child, you should respect the child's mother. Now if the Child's mother is just all kinds of disrespectful, then and only then does she forfeits any kind of respect that was owed to her. Some BM still hold strong feelings for their Baby Daddy. That's why she will not let him live in peace. Then there are some Babymamas that are just money hungry guttersnipes. I get it. I am not biased, by any means. I just have respect for each situation. The man I am with has 4 Babymamas. Three of his kids are grown now. His last child's mother and I get along great. We even exchange gifts. I have one Baby Daddy and he does nothing for my child. He put himself on Child Support and is behind a year. I'm not looking for him because my child is well taken care of. I have a view from both ends and if the man handles his affairs the right way, a lot of Baby Mama Drama will not even exists. Go deeper into your situation and I will provide you with the best advice that I have to offer, like I do for all of the wonderful ladies that comment on this hub. Thanks for commenting! Girl I know this situation can get extremely frustrating. Fill me in and let's discuss it.

      • profile image

        Shery 

        11 months ago

        My name is sherry.. basically me and my husband have been together over 6 years. Well he has his baby mama on fb and she still has pictures of them, which she posted while we were married and i was pregnant. Also just old comments on the pictures saying i was trying to "trap" him.. well long story shorter he was only with her fpr a few months after high school and she got pregnant. He then met me and eventually told me about her but all she was was a "baby mama". The first few years of our marriage was hard because she wouldnt leave him be. Calling crying sending pics etc.. we did split up for about a year or two because i was in the millitary and i found out he took my daughter to his baby mama house while i was overseas. Well we have reconcilled but she has me on fb now and she constantly posts sublominal posts.. in my mind.. such as when we have her daughter she is emotional. Also she decides when we get their child and is constantly calling or viedo calling while she is here. She is pregnant with her 3 child (all different dads) but i am suspecting it is my husbands child (second with her). I think this because when i finally came to pick up hia daughter it took about 40 mins there and back. He was taking an hour or more before i knew where she lived. Also when he goes to drop off their child she always dresses up and posta pictires on facebook. One time she was dressed up and didnt know i was coming. Usually of i come she doesnt dress up. I am just wondering am i beimg crazy or is this not normal? Someone please give me advice! Thank you!!!!!!

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        The Rational Woman 

        11 months ago

        You have a few good points, but this is so biased it's sickening. You have Baby Mamas who hold grudges years after their separation and use the court system to lie and make extra money to splurge. Her motives is to make me leave him because he she always run to the court house to take all of his hard earned money. I understand the laws of a woman scorned but girl, this Heffa is on another level. They both were equally at fault. She just don't want to see him happy at all with a new woman. Well, I can talk forever about the situation, which I'm not. I just feel like Baby Mamas get so much praise but, deep down most of them are scheming because they have children.

      • profile image

        Lezzisa Brooks 

        11 months ago

        What about if he posts pictures of them as in him his baby, and baby mama? And the when I say something he say "why are you acting like that when my child is in the picture" and she's in his cover photo on Facebook. Idk what to do.

      • profile image

        Kou Larkpor 

        11 months ago

        Thank you so much for responding. I just needed to know, that I am NOT crazy, and that I am NOT bitter. That I have every right to feel the way that I do. Sometimes, I get manipulated into thinking that I am over reacting in regards to this whole situation, because I have not gained any closure from him. I don't know what I am expecting, if it's a full blown confession followed by an apology, I have to remember who I am dealing with. But thank you, it makes me feel good, hearing that I am not wrong for feeling the way I have, coming from another woman. I appreciate you, my daughter and i are doing wonderful through the grace of God. God bless you and continue doing what you are doing, it really helps. Thanks for your advice.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        11 months ago

        Hi Kou Larkpor,

        Guuurrrlll! You have been through it! That chick was crazy and she would not be around my child either. So you are definitely not wrong for that. She may try to pinch your baby or something. I don't trust her either. You and your ex need to come up with some visitation plans where he comes to visit his daughter at your house. Maybe? He could come and pick her up to take her to the park, McDonald's or Chuckie Cheese. He has to work that sh*t out. Does that chick have to be with him to go see his daughter? No. Why would he even want a messy female like that? You would think she had a baby by him the way she was acting. He just couldn't keep his stick out of her lady pond. You did right, Let that headache go. That chick could've had you in jail. When you said that she went inside the house and closed the door. I would've called my Mama and told her to get bail money ready. I'm glad you've moved on and hopefully you've found someone better. Don't take that hurt into your next relationship, because all men don't roll like that. Tell him up front what you will and will not tolerate. If he truly cares for you, nothing can pull him away from you. Baby Daddy was wack-a-doodle doo, them two birds deserve each other. I wish you and your daughter nothing but the best. Thanks for commenting!

      • profile image

        Kou Larkpor 

        11 months ago

        I'll will try to fit the rest into this comment...so if you've read my last comment, you are already aware of some of the incidents I've been through with the "other" female. Disrespectful messages, physical altercations,...she had called me that same day she had made her second appearance, after messaging me. I answered because I didn't know who it was at first, but it turned out to be her. She felt the need to tell me more about their mess. She even made it a point to express how he's selfish, and all he cares about is getting his d**k wet. How she was his "dream girl." Said she was coming to me "woman to woman." But my question was and still is, how do you spend so much time, trying to belittle another woman, basically trying to convince her that the same guy you are fighting over, is no good when you are the main one causing all of the problems? Now let me just say this, this was not just her fault.. the main person at fault was him. He was lying, probably telling her one thing and telling me another, being sneaky...and so forth. But in my opinion, the way she chose to handle the situation was totally disworthy of being a "woman." For her to even come after me, and cause all of that drama, for what? A coward? Look who's calling the kettle black. Moving along, I dealt with that situation by hitting him so hard in his face. That was the first time I ever put my hands on someone like that. Let alone him. I wanted to love him, as I loved my daughter...I wanted to trust him...but I couldn't. I settled and settled with this man for a whole year and a half, tolerating disrespect and inconsideration. I finally decided that it was time for me to leave and move on with my life. There was too much going on, and after a whole year and a half of not fully trusting him, I was tired. I was tired of it all. Not a day went by that I didn't think of the shit that I went through on his behalf. No woman, especially the mother of your children, or your woman should have to be disrespected like that. And when I thought about it, he never defended me, not once when it came to that female disrespecting me. That's how I knew, he didn't respect or love me. I found my own apartment, and me and my daughter, then 4 years old moved out. It wasn't long, before I found out through a family member, that he was involved with that same female again. The one who went out of her way to do the most...I was so hurt, because out of all the women in the world, it had to be her. I wasn't hurt because he had moved on, I was hurt because he had spit in my face. It made me question if he even cared about me and our child because he allowed a female that had tried everything to get me out of the picture, back in his life. And my daughter comes with me, she is a part of me. I was angry...but what could I do. I couldn't stop him from making continuously stupid decisions in the past, I couldn't stop him now. But one thing that I absolutely wouldn't allow, was for this female to be ANYWHERE near my child. Why would I? All of the things she's done, all of the disrespect, her envious of the fact that this man even has a child with me? Why would I? I had done nothing to her. And still, she tried everything in her power to sabotage me. I wasn't going to let her think that everything was good and dandy. I didn't want my daughter around somebody like that because I knew I would never be on good terms with her. I knew that if that's who my daughter's father settled for, I couldn't keep her away from him, I didn't want to, and I didn't try to. I could've done all the shit she tried to do me out of spite, but I'm not that type of woman. I wasn't ready for her to be around my daughter, for her to even think or pretend or for anyone to think for one second that my daughter was hers since I would be absent. The thought disgusted me. She tried to apologise to me via Facebook, but her apology was tainted and 2 years expired. I guess since she got what she wanted, everything was all good. Nope. Her apology was filled with excuses. She didn't woman up like she thought she did. And his apology..wait, what apology? Never got one. Because he's the type of person who doesn't like to own up to his wrong. I've been feuding with him for awhile now over not wanting her around my daughter. But I don't blow up his phone, or knock on his door, or try to ruin his relationship. I don't bother him and I've tried to be civil with him. I'm not the crazy Baby mama, SHE is, with no baby lol.

      • profile image

        Kou Larkpor 

        11 months ago

        Hi, I've been reading your blog, and although it's been a long time since I've encountered any baby mama drama with anyone, this particular topic stuck to me. Not because I have baby mama drama, because I AM a mother or a "baby mama," but on the opposite end. I wasn't and am not the drama. I was hoping I could share my story with you, in hopes of viewing things in another light. Brace yourself. When I met my daughter's father, we hit it off right away, messing around every so often, with no strings attached. It was always mutual. He did his thing and I did my thing, but we would see each other regularly. We continued to mess around from time to time. We had never thought or talked about getting into a relationship until my daughter was about 2 years old. I felt comfortable because we always had a calm and mellow connection despite not being together and I thought he was a decent person. About a month after discussing our relationship status, I received a message on Facebook from a female who I was not familiar with. In the message, she introduced herself, and stated how she had been and was his girlfriend of 3 years. She also mentioned my daughter, how beautiful she was, and so on. How she wasn't going anywhere and so forth. I felt like the way she approached me was disrespectful in a sense. And to top it off, I was COMPLETELY lost, mentally unconscious. I had NEVER in my life heard about this female. Like she just came out of nowhere. And for her to know so much about me..was mind boggling. I was hurt, upset and confused. Wondering how I was going to address this issue with my child's father. At the time, I was so disgusted, because I found out about all of this the very same day I had went to his new apartment for the first time, only to find out that she had already been there before me based on what she had told me. She also went out of her way to tell me how he's embarrassed of me. I mean, I had NEVER done anything to this man to be an embarrassment to him, let alone for this female to feel like she had the right to address me in that way let me know that she was in fact upset, and envious of me. That whole time he was smiling in my face as if he was a pure soul. As if he had no secrets to hide. He knew that whole time. I felt betrayed, lead on, stabbed in the back, every word to describe pain and anger. I was furious inside. I waited until I got home to confront him. In all honesty, I didn't know what to say. He poorly tried to defend himself instead of just addressing the issue and talking about it like a grown man on what his intentions were. Coward move. I'm sorry, I know this is long, bare with me....fast forward a few weeks later, and we still weren't on the best of terms because of that. I was more hurt than anything. Eventually we talked very lightly about the situation, he expressed to me that she was an "Ex," from his past, and that she was angry because they were exiting the relationship. So I left it at that, and tried not to think about it too much. We tried to resume our relationship in progress, and be involved with our child. Not too long afterwards, I get ANOTHER message in my inbox from the girl, this time she came at me with disrespect on level 10. We exchanged words, because I felt like she was trying to bully me for whatever reason, and she knew nothing about me..so I decided to defend myself. And it didn't stop there, with threats of coming to my residence and so forth. Her sister even joined in. I immediately contacted my daughter's father, and let him know of the drama that had been stirring up. Now, I don't know what this man did to disfuse the situation, or if he even did...all I know is a month after that, we were at his apartment ( me, my daughter, him and his son from a past relationship), I was out on the porch with the kids, he was inside on his game with the door open, and the next thing you know, this same female comes walking up the stairs, looks at us as she walked straight in his apartment, and shut the door behind her. Very disrespectful. At that point, my mind was all over the place. I knew something was going to happen. I could feel my blood starting to boil. I got up, because in that moment, I was helping his son tie his shoe. I walked up to the door and opened it to see her standing over him, the controller still in his hand, with a blank look on his face. I asked him what she was doing there, and that she didn't need to be there and that she needed to leave. She then began to shit in her mouth ( meaning she had a lot of sexually inappropriate things to say) all while the children were near by and could hear everything. We exchanged words and he got in between us. All I can remember after that, is her reaching over him in an attempt to put her hands on me, and me grabbing her by her hair and using my fist to pound on her temple. Next thing I know, I see him tussling with her and both of them falling into things in an attempt to restrain her. All of this happened in front of the kids. Not to mention my daughter, who was barely two years old, screaming and crying because she knew something wasn't right. Even that wasn't enough to convince her that she needed to leave. She stuck around standing in his face begging and pleading with him and asking him if he really wanted to be with me. I was distraught. Adrenaline still pumping, I went outside and grabbed my cup full of juice and alcohol, walked inside the apartment, and splashed the whole drink in her face and threw the cup at her. She then attempted to charge at me and he got in the middle again, knocking me to the floor in an attempt to restrain her. I got up and walked to my daughter, still screaming and crying. I picked her up and walked away, not aware that someone had already called the police. One of the officers made contact with me, saw that I was upset, I was crying, and automatically suspected me. I told them what had happened, and they had me and my daughter wait in the police car while they went to address the situation. While sitting in there, I felt weak...I had just gotten out of a toxic situation with my previous relationship, only to be in another drama filled relationship full of secrets and lies. I felt like my daughter was a victim too. They had her leave, and I proceeded to walk back towards the apartment after it was all over with, crossing paths with him ( my daughter's father) And he had the nerve to ask me if I was "Ok." Boy if the words that came out of my mouth weren't hot enough to burn shit down.....i thought I knew him.. thought he was this kind, good man. But he was just a selfish, secretive, greedy man. It took a lot of time, and partial healing for me to even be in the same room with him. And even after all that, the drama still continued. This SAME female would show up at his apartment yet ANOTHER time, this time with it being just me and my daughter. He was at work. Just when I thought it was all over and done with. She knocked on the door, and after seeing that it was her, I decided not to open it to avoid conflict of any kind, especially with the last situation involving my daughter. She continued to knock..so I called him while he was at work and went sour on him. He acted as though he was clueless and couldn't find any reason as to why she had randomly showed up yet AGAIN at his residence. I told him that when he got back home, that I wanted to leave and that I didn't want to try anymore because of this continuous mess. Not long after ending the call with him, I receive a text message from a strange number.. and you can guess who it was. Yep, that low life bitch. In the message she said how they were still messing around and that he had previously been over her place and how she had even gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage! That tore me down because he had told me that she was kind of envious of the fact that we had a child together, because she had wanted a DAUGHTER with him. I ignored the urge to respond because at this point, I'm thinking this bitch must be really desperate. To be continued..

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Judy,

        Your boyfriend is in a tough situation. How old are the kids? If they are under 15, he should look into moving close to them. I know that's asking a lot, but seriously, that's the only way he can handle this situation head on. If he can't move the kids out there where he is, then how else is he suppose to handle this situation. She's mentally unstable and the kids are out of control. If he can't fully move near them, he has to go and check on things. In the end his kids' welfare should mean more to him than you or baby mama. He has to go and check on his kids. That's the only way he's going to know for sure that they're okay. Message back the kids ages and if there is a problem preventing him from going to visit his kids.

      • profile image

        Lucy Dubs 

        12 months ago

        This happened 6 days ago, i am trying to get over it. An the party is a great idea we will do that we all need closure but wasn't sure how to go about it. I can not take him back ever i don't want my girls to think its ok. Thank you so much for your response

      • profile image

        Judy 

        12 months ago

        Hi, i need some advice. My boyfriend recently has a baby mama drama. They've been together for 24 yrs, on and off for the last 4yrs and officially broke up just over a year ago. She had a new boyfriend, following this she drew the line between them and they never talked about anything else apart from her asking what time he would be sending her the kids' allowance. (He sends CSA regularly, but sometimes he does it late in the day after work)

        Now that me and my boyfriend got on, his kids told their mum about me and him and ever since that, she's started communicating with him but mostly about CSA, and she also told him that she is happy for him, and him wishing her well about her relationship as well. By the way, boyfriend and I are living in a different country from the baby mama and their kids.

        Not so later then, the baby mama's attitude towards my boyfriend quickly changed into an enraged one as she's accusing him of slagging her off to their kids and her friends which i swear to God he did not do as i read most of his messages for him and he shows me his responses too. He doesn't want to call her apart from important matters regarding the kids as their conversations would always end up in a heated arguments. And also he doesn't want to lose composure when they communicate thru calls if an argument is gonna arise. I keep reminding him to be calm and not give in to the temptation of arguments especially when the kids could hear them.

        At times, she's sending him random pictures from the internet and messages about her problems at work and her recently concluded relationship that he only ignores because he believes it has nothing to do with him anymore.

        Until couple of weeks ago the baby mama sends him a message that she wanted to kill herself and one of the kids saw her slitting her wrists. She didn't go through it completely because "it's painful". Now he's worried about how his ex is acting and he's been restless and anxious as she torments him with countless messages and provocations that has really affected their children which is under her care. One of the kids started to use illegal drugs and it seriously wrecked him to the point he's been sleepless already but he can't immediately leave for home just because he doesn't want to compromise our forthcoming holiday.

        He calls his kids frequently, dress them down as necessary, and remind them to become responsible young adults and help out and essentially not be a headache to their mum. Other than that he texts her that he can no longer do anything about enforcing her house rules in HER house and from thousands of miles away.

        Until now she keeps on texting him day and night like complaining about the kids being lazy but he ignores her texts and talks to the kids and only to them. She will not allow him to go on a holiday to meet me. She does not cooperate in looking for their old passports and acquiring new ones. She complains to him that she's been sick and the kids are out and she couldn't find them thru phone and he feels helpless because what can he do about it when he's several time zones away, and the same as her couldn't even reach the kids' phones too.

        Now I'm really worried for him because all the drama with the baby mama is seriously affecting him on his performance at work and even his relationship with the people around us. He's off his game and he's been pushing people away apart from me. I wish I could help. But in what way? I feel like she's calling for his attention and is using the kids to get what she wants but i can't talk like that as these are only my assumptions. Help.

        Ps.

        Boyfriend and I have issues too. I'm chronic depressed. He's a little antisocial and coping after years of therapy.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Lucy,

        I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I would be completely devastated as well. Did he even say why he did that? That is wrong on so many levels. He does not get a pass from me. It was you who forced him to be a father to his daughter and that's the thanks you get. It's okay, the sun will still rise in the morning and he will have to live with how he treated you forever. You did nothing wrong. You were just being a good girlfriend and your kindness was taken for granted. When his Baby Mama get tired of him, he'll come back knocking on your door. Maybe with her he doesn't have to be responsible for anything. He had responsibilities when he was with you. Things he had to work towards and strive for. With her it could be a fly by the seat of your pants kind of thing. This still doesn't make it right. I don't know how long ago this happened, but you have to stop questioning why he did what he did. His decision had nothing to do with you, but it had everything to do with him being a selfish you know what. You lucked out, because he showed you who he was before you walked down the aisle. You and your kids don't deserve being treated that way, but you all must move on. The longer you keep wondering how could he do that, the least amount of time you all are spending having a good time. Here's an idea, gather the kids together and have a party. Just you and your kids. Get balloons, streamers, party snacks, cake and ice cream. Have written on the cake Goodbye whatever his name is. Have a Good Riddance Party. Say your goodbyes and blow out the candles. From that day forward you will only focus on you and your kids living the best life possible. You should take a picture of you with a huge smile on your face along side the cake and post that on facebook. The party is to take something bad and turn it into something fun for you and the kids. It's not good for them to see you sad either. This is such a sucky situation, but You can't take this hurt into your next relationship. All men are not like this, so leave that in the past. I hope that you can move on from this. I wish you and your kids nothing but the best. Thanks for commenting!

      • profile image

        Lucy Dubs 

        12 months ago

        My fiance left our 2 year relationship, to work things out with his daughters mom. Got up and left and was already living with her the next day. Before that i was the one who pushed him to be in his daughters life. We Took a trip to visit her and 3 days later he was already living with her. We had wedding plans, he wante to have baby, fixing our credit to buy a house. We got our intials tattooed on our wedding finger. We spent so much time with the kids and son he had with another person. I excepted his kids like they where mine. My kids got attached to him. Now that he's gone everyone is devistated. He struggled with alcohol problem that we all delt with. Posting on facebook now how happy he is with his daughter and how pretty the mom is. How can he just get up and go?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi MichelleM,

        I'm sorry for the late reply. Honey you have been through it with these trifling men, haven't you? My goodness. Let me not call them men, instead I will call them what they are. Little Boys! Only a man can stand by his woman to watch his Baby and make sure the mother is well taken care of. That's the problem. He doesn't want to be there, so you have to move on. I know it's hard, but I wouldn't want anything to do with him if he changed his mind tomorrow. You deserve better than that. You will never find out why he left you to go with a chick that don't even know who the father of her child is. Only he knows why he made that dumb decision, but don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure it was nothing you did. You busting his windows out was not right, but if he truly love you he would forgive you for that. I don't understand that type of behaviour at all. Put child support on him and keep it moving. Take you time next time you get into a relationship, your children rely on you to make the best decision for all of y'all. The man you are truly looking for is waiting on you. You will know he is the man for you by his actions and his willingness to take on your issues as if they were his. Do away with the little boys. You're 22 with grown folks responsibilities, you have to move on and stay strong for your kids. He is not worth a tear, a thought, a mention or a phone call. He's not thinking about you so why even care about the crap he's gotten himself into. Chuck them deuces and tell that fool when he wakes up you'll be gone. You have to stay focused on you and those kids. You're all they got. Trust me, there are truly better days ahead. Stay prayed up and stay driven on being the best mother to your babies. In the end that's all that truly matters. I wish you and those little ones the very best. Thanks for commenting.

      • profile image

        Luci 

        12 months ago

        Hi my name is lucy,

        My fiance left our 2 year relationship, to work things out with his daughters mom. Got up and left and was already living with her the next day. Before that i was the one who pushed him to be in his daughters life. We Took a trip to visit her and 3 days later he was already living with her. We had wedding plans, he wante to have baby, fixing our credit to buy a house. We got our intials tattooed on our wedding finger. We spent so much time with the kids and son he had with another person. I excepted his kids like they where mine. My kids got attached to him. Now that he's gone everyone is devistated. He struggled with alcohol problem that we all delt with. Posting on facebook now how happy he is with his daughter and how pretty the mom is. How can he just get up and go?

      • profile image

        MichelleM 

        12 months ago

        Hi my name is Michelle. I am currently pregnant with my second child and this is my second baby dad. Well let me jump right into I'm only 22 I had my first daughter my senior year in highschool and my child's father left us and I haven't heard from him in 4 years I mean nothing at all. I met my new child's father through my first cousin which is married to his first cousin and he was like the best thing that ever happened to me. He loved my daughter like she was his and I thought he also loved me. In March of this year I caught him at his house with I was 5 months pregnant then with this girl who was also pregnant she was 8 months pregnant I couldn't believe it. From there he cut me all the way off and now has continued an relationship with her. Once I got home that day I saw that she was in a relationship with a whole different guy for 3 years and also was still in this same relationship around the time she got pregnant. I asked my child father did he know during the little time I did have contact with did he know in so many words he said yes I said what the hell and you're claiming this baby! He didn't reply he blocked me from then on. The girl had her baby in May and guess what it looks excatly like her ex I mean excatly but guess what it's a Jr. After my ex and my ex claims the baby he also claims mine to people but it's just not any contact but I didn't do anything to him other than busting out his window that day because I was hurt and he put me out his house and said mean things about me like I'm broke and called me a childish bitch and all kinds of hoes but he knows I was only sleeping with him. I was so in love with him and he's even went as far as saying I got pregnant on purpose. I made a couple post on my social media and he always seems to find out but I never mention his name but he gets so offended and calls himself telling my cousin so she will get involve but I'm just like can I not vent I'm hurt and no one seems to want to listen like just get him out your mind or how can you chose a man over your kids. And I'm like I'm just hurt I'm not choosing him over my kids I'm hurt. And idk what do or what caused this he left me to go through a pregnancy alone again and he knows what happened the first time with my first child's father and not only that raise a second child on my own by myself as a single mother he knows all this and I just don't understand how selfish he could be and just moved on with someone else that he doesn't even know if the child belongs to him or not. I'm trying to understand this behavior but I can't I'm due in 2 weeks and he still hasn't reached out to me I just don't understand.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Christina,

        You say you believe that the two of you are made for each other? Well him having a kid by someone else, while the two of you are together will have me thinking otherwise. But if you all talked it out and you chose to stay with him, then you have to be strong and accept this for what it is. This was really big of you to forgive him for not only cheating, but also getting a chick pregnant. Girl you have all of the confidence in the world. He has to be a very supportive man, mentally, physically and financially to be worth holding on to. I understand how that type of man can be hard to let go of, after waiting so long for him. Let's be real. You're not going anywhere. So just stand by your man and be a great Stepmother to that baby when it gets here.

        Now I'm about to tell you the advice I would give to myself. I'm done. You and that chick can go raise that baby you made together. I don't deserve this and I will not take myself through this. I deserve a man that will love only me. Not me, Pattie and Norma Lee. There are way too many men out here to be disrespected like this.

        No matter which way you look at this, it was the ultimate disrespect. He slept with this chick without any protection, so he didn't think of your safety at all. He got her pregnant and now you all as a couple have to support her and that child. He's dumping a lot in your lap and all he came with is an apology? Okay.

        You're the only one that can make the decision to stay or go. Do what's right for you, because this is your life to live.

        Thanks for commenting! I pray all goes well.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Thanks Anonymous!

        I'm so happy that you have that extra support from your husband. I'm sure everything will be great for you all. Your kid has all they need right now. Later your Child will want to get to know their father and let the child make that decision when the time comes. I will have to go through that as well and we're dreading the day. My son is only 5 years old.

        Lol! I'm far from a Pro. I can just put myself in your situation and only give you the advice that I would give myself. Thanks again for commenting! I wish you all nothing but the best

      • profile image

        Anonymous 

        12 months ago

        Thanks for the great advice I'm a young mother an I really have been dealing with this situation for years so your advice was well needed and most importantly I shouldn't worry because I have a husband that cares for my child an he really want me to leave the situation alone. I just needed a professional opinion on what I should do thanks so much.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Anonymous,

        I'm sure this is a frustrating situation, but you can't make someone do what they are supposed to do. It sucks for him, because I'm sure he has a wonderful kid with nothing but love to give him. Leave him alone and when he's ready to be a father, it will be too late. Good thing you're getting child support, otherwise he would be totally worthless. I know as women we want our children to have both parents in their lives, but sometimes it doesn't work out like that. We have to pick up the slack and wear both hats. You will be just fine without him. What hurts is when we tell our kids that the other parent is on there way over to pick them up and they never show up. That's what hurts kids the most and make them feel unwanted. Move on and don't contact him anymore. Give him what he wants. Your kid is better off without him I'm sure. You shouldn't have to beg a father to be a father. That's ridiculous.

        As for his wife handling everything. She can't keep him from being a father to his child and she can't make him be a father to his child either. That's his choice, not hers. Being a parent to your child should come automatically. There's no one in this world that can keep me from being a parent to my child. She is not the problem. He is, because he doesn't want to be a man and take care of his responsibility. Hold him and only him responsible for this. If she is keeping him away from being a father, then it's still his fault for allowing her to have that much power over him. Put the blame on the right person. He doesn't want to be a father anymore? So be it. I knew my child's father wasn't going to be in his life before I gave birth. I went and got my son a father and he's been in his life since the day he was born. He loves him as if he were his. My son's biological father is just that, his biological father. Nothing more, nothing less. Leave him alone and protect your child from people who will only make him an option instead of a priority. Stay strong, because that what your child needs to see. Thanks for commenting!

      • profile image

        Christina 

        12 months ago

        Hi, I need some advice. My boyfriend cheated and ended up getting her pregnant. We are still together. We have spoken about this situation. He has told me (repeatedly) that he loves me (I truly believe he does). My problem is im so insecure about everything. I hate that we can't have a child together ( I had a tubal), we will never have that special connection a child brings. I don't want to push him away. But I waited for him for over 15 yrs. I just need to know what to do. Im in tears, just thinking of the "what ifs". Please help I need some advice. I truly believe we are meant to be but I don't want my insecurities to ruin this. Note: he has other older children and im fine with their mothers, they came way before me.

      • profile image

        Anonymous 

        12 months ago

        I'm currently having issues with the father of my child he has been on an off in his child's life I think it's due to the fact that he is with a woman that controls him she doesn't let him around an if does come around she has to be there which is fine. Well recently I have been stating my frustration about this situation that has been going on for years me an the father of my child Don't have contact if I talk to him is threw his wife she controls everything in the past two year he has only seen his child twice I only receive 300 month in childsupport this situation is out of hand his wife sent a message the other day stating he doesn't want to be in his child life anymore any advice on what I should do next my best interest is my child

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Jane,

        You are so welcome and I hope this all gets better for the both of you.

        Stay Strong Lil Sis!

      • profile image

        Jane 

        12 months ago

        Thanks once again .Now i feel much better and safer after this advice from you. I know you not in person but you have contributed to helping me have peace of mind. am no longer angry at myself anymore for accepting to be in his life. Thanks Big sis.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Jane,

        I'm glad the two of you talked. He's right, you should not answer her calls. He has reassured you that they have nothing romantically going on besides what's in her head. Let him deal with her, she is his problem. He needs to get her in check though. He has to tell her that there is no chance in Hell that they will ever be together again and she has to stop with the advances because he's commited to you. He will be a father to his child and that's it. If he doesn't tell her that he doesn't want her, how will she know? Him telling her to stop, is not working. You have to be direct with some people. She's being disrespectful to your relationship and it needs to stop. You don't need to talk to her. You need to talk to your man and work out a way to handle this. The two of you have to stay strong together in order to deal with this mess. Right now she's running everything and you and your man are focusing more on her than your own relationship. These relationships have to be separated for a reason. Her mess is flowing into your relationship and that has to change. Don't let her consume your thoughts and conversations. You are his sanctuary and his place of solace. Keep that separate from that other crap that's going on. Once there is strength behind your relationship, no one can break that bond. Let him handle her and you just keep it classy.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Ashley,

        Whoa! That chick is crazy! I would let him know right now that if he's thinking about bringing the baby around that crazy girl, he better think again. She is unstable and a lunatic. If he's so confused about being with you or her then you really don't need him to be your man. Allow him to be a father to his child and that's it. You should be a man's only option. Once you move on and get somebody else you'll see how he will react. Once you take his option away, he's going to cry like a baby. You can't sit and wait for him to get his self together and be the man you need him to be. You have a kid coming soon. Your focus right now should be on that. He shouldn't be with someone who can't accept the fact that the two of you are having a kid together. It's only going to get worse when the baby comes. Keep your stress level to a minimum and try to worry less about him and focus more on birthing a healthy baby. Congrats on your pregnancy and stay strong. Thanks for commenting.

      • profile image

        Ashley 

        12 months ago

        I'm so happy I found this page because I need some advice. I am currently 6 months pregnant my child father and I are not together due to the fact that we just can't seem to see eye to eye and that he does not show up to the doctors appointments. I have a good relationship with his mom and family and spent Memorial Day with them. That whole day he was begging me to get back with him and just couldn't keep his hands off of me. I told him we need to work on ourselves first and that I wasn't really ready to get back with him. I have love for him he's my child's father so that will be there but I just wasn't ready to get back with him at that time. A couple of weeks later we weren't on good terms and i want to say we made up a week after (still not dating). He then tells me he is in a relationship I told him that's fine if that's what he wants then hey I can't stop you from being in a relationship. He also tells me that he told his now girlfriend that he has a child on the way and she's fine with it. Last week I went over his family's house to bring him some of the baby's things and to spend time with his grandmother. This girl comes to drop off his coat and he told her I was inside and she made a big scene outside his house saying why am I here, she wants to meet me and all this weird stuff. He tells her no that's my child's mom and she dosnt want to meet you. I can hear the whole drama from the living room. She crying all loud for no reason because me and him are not together he's just the father of my child. and I know he's told her that. He then comes back in and tells me that she tried to stab herself because I was there and I immediately got upset because she's clearly showing she does not accept his unborn child. Anyways.. my child's father and I have been on good terms lately and now he's expressing how much he cares and loves me and he wants to be a family but he's now confused because he is with her. He's been reaching out so much more and saying he will do anything for me and loves our son and wish we could work out but he's still with that girl. So now idk how to feel about it because if he really was serious about how much he loves me etc he would leave her immediately. I always say actions speak louder than words and he's doing more talking than moving. idk how to feel about this situation. I've never even met the girl and I don't like her, I don't even know her name! But because of her trying to stab herself I don't like her that's a big red flag to me I need some advice on what I should do thank you!

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        If you leave a comment please check back within 24 hours for my reply. Thanks for commenting!❤

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Jane,

        I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. You all are doing more than enough for her and the baby right now and I commend you on that. However if she keeps it up, I would stop all funding until the baby comes and take her to court so that he can get child support put on himself. If she can't handle this situation civily then the courts have to get involved. If you feel deep down that he might go back with her after the baby comes then you and him need to sit down and talk. He may tell you what you want to hear right now, but things can change. You just have to set yourself up mentally and physically to be able to handle yourself no matter what he chooses to do. You have to know that if you're going to be in a relationship with him this will continue for 18 years or more, so I hope you're prepared. The two of you have a lot of talking do on how to handle this while situation. While you're feeling sorry for her she's conspiring to break you and your man up. She is neither of your responsibility. When the child gets here, he or she will be y'all responsibility.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Jane,

        I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. You all are doing more than enough for her and the baby right now and I commend you on that. However if she keeps it up, I would stop all funding until the baby comes and take her to court so that he can get child support put on himself. If she can't handle this situation civily then the courts have to get involved. If you feel deep down that he might go back with her after the baby comes then you and him need to sit down and talk. He may tell you what you want to hear right now, but things can change. You just have to set yourself up mentally and physically to be able to handle yourself no matter what he chooses to do. You have to know that if you're going to be in a relationship with him this will continue for 18 years or more, so I hope you're prepared. The two of you have a lot of talking do on how to handle this while situation. While you're feeling sorry for her she's conspiring to break you and your man up. She is neither of your responsibility. When the child gets here, he or she will be y'all responsibility.

      • profile image

        Jane 

        12 months ago

        Very happy i found this page please i need an help urgently as am dying slowly inside.

        I met my man this year, he told me his relationship was complicated and he has fallen out of love with who he was dating and he has made his decision cleared to her but she keeps pestering his life, i told him i didn't want problem he should make sure he clears his cupboard before walking into my life and he swore he had nothing to do with the ex again. so we started dating i went to spend xmas with him and his family , we had a good time together and i return back to my state, it was a distance relationship. one day he called and broke the news to me that the ex came around to tell him that she was carrying his child and she is not willing to abort it. He told me was confuse and didn't know what to do , so i advice him to support her if she says she wants to keep the child. i also promised to stand by him. after one month we decided to move in together and work hand in hand together since we both love each other and willing to spend the rest of our life together. I had to meet him up at the family house first , a day i arrived there the ex showed up without calling , she picked up a fight with him in my present started creating a scene , an elderly man walked in and demanded to know what happen , she could not say a word then my boyfriend explained everything to him , that is unfortunate that she is pregnant at this point his no longer interested but he will take responsibility of her welfare. to cut the whole story short. before me and my boyfriend traveled out of the country where he works and live ,he rented an apartment for her , furnished the house and sends her money every month ending. Which i don't have a problem with that i was the one that fixed the amount to be paid every month to her account, we pray for her safe delivery and wish her well. But she keeps calling and disturbing him which makes me feel bad , i picked her call one day and she called me a prostitute and that my boyfriend is using me. But i feel a little secure because my boyfriends tells me everything that goes on and am always with the phone she calls , she doesn't have the number of his other line. she calls like 100 times a day and he doesn't pick , some times i beg him to pick when he picks she says something like , when are you coming back? the doctor says i need to be fucked , send money for the baby things and she calls my boyfriend daddy. My boyfriend even told her in my present that all they have together is the child and nothing more. She gets me confuse sometimes that i just pick a quarrel with my boyfriend t. i get angry unnecessarily but some times i feel sorry for her and beg my baby to pick her call and hear her out what she has to say but she ends up not saying anything important than when are you coming , But i have to be honest with you, am always with the phone, he warns her all time in my present like what is it ? this month now we have not sent money to her, she started sending message to my boyfriend that she is going to sleep with other men that he should forget about her and the baby. i feel restless and scared that he might go back to her when the baby is born. please help me what do you think . am i safe in the relationship?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hi Harmony,

        If you don't have kids by him and no other ties. You should leave him with his Baby Mama. He's not worth the stress. She's telling you all of this, because it's true. She knows it, he knows it and so should you. There's no reason to continue going through this.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        12 months ago

        Hey Pree B,

        No you're not overreacting, that is ridiculous and he does need to man up. If she insists on keeping everybody separate then he should just take her to court and file for joint custody. Y'all can't keep living like this. The two of you have started a family together and are trying to raise all of the kids together as siblings. This is a good thing. Since she wants to be stubborn and spiteful he should tell her he has no other choice but to file for joint custody and she may just change her way of thinking. Congrats on the baby! I wish you guys nothing but the best.

      • profile image

        Pree B 

        12 months ago

        So me and my boyfriend live together. I have a 8 year old daughter with someone else and he has a 6 year old daughter and 5 year old son with someone else. We are expecting our first child together in August. He has a baby mom who does not want me around the children. So he is not allowed to bring the children to the house or around me. My issue is when he has outing with his kids or takes them to amusement parks or things of that nature, me and my daughter are never invited. He just does things with his 2 kids. He has to do everything separate and we can not do anything as a family. This bothers me because soon we will have a son together and will I still be going through the same issue? I won't tolerate my daughter feeling left out because he cant man up to his baby mom. I feel like when you get with a women with children you know it is your duty to take on the responsibility as a step parent and to make the child feel as comfortable as possible. Should this be an issue or big concern or I'm I overreacting.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        13 months ago

        Hi Trina,

        I'm sure you've already answered that question in your mind. If the two of you were face to face what would you tell her? Got it. Okay. Would you be telling her something he would not want her to know?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        13 months ago

        Hi T,

        You have every reason to be concerned. I have questions? Does she know about you? If the answer is no, then they are still together in her eyes. The only way to truly know, is ask her. He will probably tell you what you want to hear, but she will tell you the truth. Otherwise you will continue to feel like he's hiding something. You have to come correct though. Explain to her what you've been told and let her know that you just want the truth so that you're not wasting your time on a man who's already spoken for.

      • profile image

        13 months ago

        What if your in a distant relationship with someone and his babymama comes to his house frequently so he can be updated on how the baby is doing ?( she hasn't had the baby yet she's 3 months pregnant .

      • profile image

        Trina 

        13 months ago

        I would like to know why my baby daddy doesn't want his girlfriend talking to me @ all?

      • profile image

        Leigh 

        14 months ago

        What if a man swears up and down to his girlfriend he does not want to be with his BM b/c of the drama she brings but yet he still entertains her..He said he has love for her but not in love with her(even tho she still has feelings for him). Why even entertain your bm if u kno urself she is Crazy&basically keeps her child from you when she doesn't gets her way.

      • profile image

        Adin 

        23 months ago

        Hi so i recently started dating this guy about 5 months ago. He has a baby that is 6 months.now i know it was kinda crazy of me not to dig a little further into the relationship status of he and his childs mother but honestly i didnt think things would get serious with us this fast or if at all.i had plans for it to being nothing more than a phone convo play thing.but here i am deeply involved with this man im not 100 percent sure of. When we first start dealing she called my phone asking me questions and i lied to her and told we were nothing because for one again at that time we hadnt had sex and emotionally i felt nothing for him. I blocked his number and he came back.looking for me i told him.he should thank me for.not spilling the beans and to just go head.because i didnt have time for kinda crap.he kept pursing me. fast forward in time i eventually gave back in.a couple months later i received a text from her on his phone saying he has a family back ot which is in harrisburg being as though im from philly anyways and to stop contacting him. I didnt get the text until the morning which is when i confronted him about it he tells me that he left his phone on a charger and she went in it.then a couple weeks later i face time his phone accidently and he didnt answer but 20 minutes later she calls me back screaming at him demanding tell her who i am a scuffle insued and the phone hung up. I called him back he again gave me the i left my phone unattended crap.fed up from not getting anywhere with him i dmed her a message with my number and asked her to call me so we can get to the bottom of things instead she wanted to argue back and forth telling me they are very much in a active relationship and that he told him that i was his sister and that i was dealing with his brother sounds pretty weird and incest to me but whatever she never called. Next incident he and i were together and he left his phone with me and told me to answer because he was waiting on an important called and unstored number called and it was her and she got so upset and asked who was i and where was he. I wasnt petty i told her to hold on while i got him. She hung up and blew his phone up. He came back i told him she called and he said ok walked back out and took his phone with him no telling what lie he made up.but anyways he swears up and down they arent together i know she makes up stories because when we are together she pretends hes with her. She blows up his phone when he doesnt answer and question him on why he didnt.ask him on what takes him so long to answer if he doesnt pick up fast enough. Wants him to watch his kid at her house.calls for absolutely nothing in regards to their daugther all day at all times of the nite.spits on him and breaks his phones.calls his po and bleached his clothes on top of calling all around the world to his exes trying to get 411 on me. If she hears a girl in the back she blows up his phone and try to remain on there with him for as long as possible. Yea he answers for her in front of me he didnt us to at first.

      • profile image

        Windham 

        2 years ago

        So my husband's bm calls me the other day and tells me she's moving my step son to a different school this year. She thinks she's suppose to be my friend and asks me to keep this conversation just between the 2 of us until she gets him transferred. I told her I would but at the same time I had my doubts, so when my husband got off of work I took his phone from him and sat him down and explained this stuff to him. We have been together 2 years compared to their 10. She just had a new baby and it seems that relationship is crumbling, it seemed to me she was trying to break the trust between me and my husband so she could try to come in between us. Their son means the world to me and I try to keep the peace as much as possible but at the end of the day I am on my husband's side... Now we have went to talk to a lawyer to see about getting custody... Did I do the right thing??

      • profile image

        michellelee 

        2 years ago

        Okay so ive been dating this guy for 5months. He broke up with bm not long before getting with me. Im 18 hes 25. Shes brought up my age a lot. Well hes the most sweet caring loving guy.. but he just does not put her in her place. Ive got him to slowly but surely stop talking to her if its not about the kid. She finds every little thing to talk about. She harrasses me to so I got a protective order.. so now she wants him to meet her for a few hours so he can see his child with her there. I feel like hes gonna end up cheating with her if hes not already or something. Idk I have a bad feeling and shee honestly ruined my relationship. Im just not happy. I hear about her all the time she won't get out of my life. I have a doctor's apt in a week to find out if im pregnant and im dreading it. I dont want a child with him because my pregnancy will some how end up being about her. Everything is. I tell him I want to leave and he says hes trying.I do really love him. What do I do?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        2 years ago

        Hi Karene,

        You're absolutely right, situations like this are not easy to deal with. Here are just a few questions you have to ask yourself. Be honest with yourself and make your decision on if this is something you can deal with.

        Are you willing to deal with a man who has 3 kids and a Baby Mama who is still in love with her children's father?

        Are you willing to deal with this man that will spend the majority of his time at his Baby Mama's house for the kids sake.

        Are you willing to deal with this man financially supporting his Baby Mama and children?

        Are you willing to deal with this man being obligated to his Baby Mama and children for 18 years or more?

        Are you willing to share half of your finances with this man in order for him to support his Baby Mama and children?Because that's what's going to happen if all of his finances are obligated to them. If you all move in together majority of the expenses will fall on you, unless he is financially stable enough to provide for two households for 18 years or more. You have to really be a strong minded, self assured, trusting individual to deal with the situation that you're in. Some people may even say you have to be a fool to put up with that much carp. It all depends on the individual and the task at hand. Relationships are work, no need to add Baby Mama Drama to it. I say keep it moving it Girl and tell him to holler at you in 18 years. Thanks for your comment.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        2 years ago

        Hi Taryn,

        First off I will start by saying this; some relationships are worth fighting for, but this one my dear is not one of them. It's just too much going on and you will end up hurt.

        1. He's still legally married.

        2. He has a child and possibly one on the way.

        3. His wife is not willing to let go of her husband.

        4. I'm guessing they still live together.

        5. You all live in a place that can put you in jail for aldutry. (WTF?)

        I don't know about you, but there is no man or woman worth going to jail for. If he can't go out of town without his wife, it's because that's his wife and they are a family. Back away from him and this mess that he is in. If they are getting a divorce, let him take care of that, before trying to make a relationship with you. Remove yourself from this whole situation and if indeed he loves you as much as you love him he will find you once the dust has settled on his relationship with her. As of right now he is still married and you don't need to put your life on hold for no married man. Keep your head up and keep it moving girl. Thanks for the comment.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        2 years ago

        Hi Naomidickiens,

        Social Media is the devil sometimes. What I would love to know is what exactly did you post on Twitter for her to take it so harshly that she wants to fight you. Never mind, I'm just being nosy. Lol! Nonetheless, you two need to have a sit down about this. There is a child involved and for her to not want her daughter around you or her father is crazy. Your words really hurt her feelings, even though they weren't meant for her. Okay I must know what did you say on Twitter. In order for me to know why she took it so hard and if there can be a resolve in this relationship. Having a non biased mediator there when you do sit down with her can really help you two solve this issue. The longer you stay quiet, the more guilty you look.

        Thanks for the comment!

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        2 years ago

        I'm sorry that I've been missing in action for a while. I've been working hard at finishing my first fiction novel; Scorpion Love available on Amazon. It's free to Amazon Prime and Kindle Unlimited members. Yay Me! Lol! Now I'm back to y'all. I've missed reading your stories of your Baby Mama Drama. For the rest of the week I will be responding to all posts everyday. Thanks for being patient with your girl.

        -Kisha

      • profile image

        Karene 

        2 years ago

        Hi I've been dating this guy for 5 months and when we first started chatting he said he had 2 kids one 3yrs and the other 6months and him and his BM doesnt get along at all. A month later he confessed that his BM is actually 6months pregnant. The baby was born about 2 weeks ago and he went from staying with me to staying with her and says it's only until she's back to normal. He wouldn't tell me about some of their conversations where she threatens to move away with her kids whenever he he doesn't do what she wants. She acts as if she owns him. He would messsage me all the time even come spend the night sometimes. He also shared the birthing experience with me and would often send me pictures of kids. His BM doesnt have a stable job so apparently he doesn't take care of just his kids but her as well because whenever her credit runs low she'll call and this frustrates him. I'm confused as to weather I should just walk away or trust him and wait to see because I like him. They seem to be getting along good for now and i think she wants him back although he said he's not on that with her anymore because she loves drama. I just dont know what to think or do at this point. Situations like this are not easy to deal with.

      • profile image

        Taryn 

        3 years ago

        I really need your help. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 weeks and i have known him for 6 years. When we had just started talking he told me that he did have a daughter and that they are technically by law married, so him and they baby momma wanted a divorce and now that he has the papers for that she dosent want to sign them anymore becaue of me, and the baby momma is German and for some reason she dosent like me just cause im black, so she told him she didn't wanan sign the papers because she wanted to work on things with him for their daughter, and found out today that she is 6 or 7 months pregnant and he is not sure if its his. The baby momma threated to put him in jail because he is dating me while he still married, but she was hoeing around dating and having sex with other guys but he didn't want to put his daughter's mon is jail and idk what to with this situation, i understand that i will never come between him and his daughter and the baby momma but i just feel like im some kind of shadow, i asked him when he was coming back to town and all i got was idk and you know the baby momma will be with me and im scared to loose him because he is the best thing thats ever happened to me as my boyfriend and best friend idk what to do about this and i would really love it, if you could help me with this problem i have. This was very helpful by the way

      • profile image

        Naomidickiens 

        3 years ago

        I need some advice !!! I been with my current boyfriend for over three years now . He has a six year old daughter of which she loves me very much . The child's mother and I keep it neutral ("hi & bye etc ") . Lately things have changed! Things have changed because of social media! I had post a comment on my Twitter account , and I guess someone that was friends with her say it and told her ( the person was mutual friend) . The post was not directed to her not or for her! Next thing I know , she tells my boyfriend I am not allowed to attend special-school event because she can not be in the presences of me . And tells the little girl negative comments about me and tells the child she can not spead time with her dad or I . That was very uncall for . My boyfriend was very upset about this but disobeyed her and took the child to spead time . He is a great father to his child . The baby mother now writes crap on her Facebook talking stuff about me and how if she sees me at a school event for the child she will fight me . I been very mature and not written anything about her because I do not need to or even talk about her . And she is basically putting all this drama on herself because it was not for her my post! That's what people do not understand about social media , if you put a comment-post they take it the wrong way . My boyfriend did speak to her about her issues . But I did not ask him about it because I didn't want to be nosey . My question is .. Now that she thinks this stuff is about her which is not , why she doesn't come and reach me out if she has a problem? Although I know she won't because she is going to feel stupid stalking my page (my page is private). How should I handle all this drama now with her ? I told my boyfriend I would gladly speak to her and he said no just let it be she has to get over it .

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        3 years ago

        Hi Valenzuela,

        So let me get this straight. He lives with his Baby Mama and you are currently living with your Baby Daddy?? Yeah you'reright , your situation is hella complicated. If the two of you really felt as strongly about each other as you say. There would be nothing that would keep you two from getting a place of your own while still making sure your children are taken care of. Okay so you don't want to believe that BM is still having sex with him? Ask yourself if you are still having sex with the man you're living with? If the answer is yes then there you go. You want him to move out, but where is he going to go? Is he going to stay with you and BD. Probably not. Are you ready to move out from your BD? Come on I'm just saying, is this relationship really worth breaking up two households? Think about it and get back at me. Thanks for the comment. I wish you all nothing but the best.

      • profile image

        valenzuela 

        3 years ago

        OK my situation is a Lil complicated .I met this guy in college. We are in the same situation we both stay with our partners. .have a step kid n a 3 yr old kid.i have 2 girls n he has 2 boys..he stays with his bby momma n I stay with bby daddy. Problem is she found out about us 5months ago .and we'll we still continue seen each other.without her car ring .I knew it was wrong but we love each others company .well to get to the bottom of this he keeps saying he will move out but he hasn't cause his 3 yr old .but he seems to give her way to much respect. He says he will always care for her cause that's the child's mom.he also has an older son his 18 n he sees him once in a while.but he had a bad relationship with his other bby momma.n she don't allow him to be part of his older kid.so with this bby momma he has he keeps using the excuse of living at the right time.to avoid drama.or court.well last week she found out that we still been seen each other but it's clearly his still there...he tells me to have patience but idk...she said they been sleeping together but I'd if she's saying this out of anger or not.he said no n things are done.that the only reason he hides me is to avoid drama.what do u think. I really do love this guy.

      • profile image

        Elaine 

        3 years ago

        I'm glad I found this website... I really need an advice... My bf and I were dating for over 2 yrs now. He has a son at that time was only 5 yrs old. I have girls of my own who are 9 and 16 now. We were fine when the boy's mom wasn't around.. She was in a different state and living with a husband and 3 kids from previous marriage. The BM found another guy and left the hubby and moved back here ... The new bf got in jail. The BM is a heroine addict and now she is always at my boyfriends apartment. She is not working and all she does is to be with my bf's son. I started getting paranoid that they might do something behind my back... Since she sleeps over at his place. I told my ng that he better not be sleeping with her because she used to sell herself just to get drugs. He told me that she is only in his son's life not his and he is not sleeping with her nor have any plans of sleeping with her. He also said that she is leaving too because that's the way she is. All our friends told me to trust him because they know that he's being truthful with me. I know I'm way way better than this BM. Do I need to be jealous and insecure?

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        3 years ago

        Hi laparis

        Pheww! Girl! Why did you take him back? Let me get this straight. He cheated on his wife with you. He cheated on you with his wife and went back to her. He cheated on his wife and got a baby by another chick. Now he's on your doorstep and you think that he's hiding something? If you want to be with him, you can't worry about the lies and the cheating, because that is just what he is. A cheater and a liar. You know that. So my question is, what do you need help with? Girl send him and his problems back to his wife. Thanks for the comment laparis. Best of luck to you.

      • tarkishat profile imageAUTHOR

        tarkishat 

        3 years ago

        Hi Tasha,

        It seems like you genuinely want to be apart of the relationship he has with his kids. Unfortunately if the kids' mothers don't want that to happen then it's not much you can do about it. I say continue to build on your relationship with your man and keep that going strong. Eventually they will realize, that you're not there to hurt the situation, but to help it. I don't believe in putting my relationship business on Facebook anyway. You know how you feel about your man and he knows how he feels about you, so why does everybody on Facebook have to know? That's just how I feel. You don't worry about what they say about you. Your one and only concern is your relationship with him and him only. Let him deal with his Baby Mamas. Lord help him cause he got 4 of them! Allow him to take care of his children. Keep the drama out of your relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years and last year was the first time I actually spoke on the phone to his son's mother. Now we exchange gifts on mother's day. When he speaks to her on the phone, I'm quiet, simply because, that's her time to inform him on how his son is doing. I don't have to make my presence known. I'm not in a relationship with her. I'm in a relationship with him. He gets all of my attention. Strengthen your relationship first and then work on building others. Thanks for your comment and I wish you nothing but the best.

      • profile image

        laparis 

        3 years ago

        just looking fir answers to my unanswered questions and I know I'm in the right place..so I've known my dude for about four years total and have been seriously dating him for about a year...We use to work together and in the beginning I couldn't stand him!!!! he had a wife at the Tyme we first started dealing.(which I'm not proud of) things went way further then they were supposed to go..so we were dealing for a few months until he just disappeared...(he went back to his wife)TWOO YEARS pasted before I saw him again he had two kids that I knew of but when he returned he had two MORE...one that he claimed was a made up baby. .but later told me that he did have a newborn....I know two of his babymomma's but the last one he won't let me met...he's says it's my attitude like I can can just hate this women and not even know her..REALLY.... I found love cards and stuff that's she's sent and etc....I don't get it??? I think he's hiding some thing from me when it comes to her...HELPPPP

      • profile image

        lovelyred 

        3 years ago

        I have a question

      • profile image

        Tasha 

        3 years ago

        I need some help or advice on my situation. my boyfriend has 4 kids with 4 different women. I am not allowed around his kids because their mothers feel I am too young immature and don't know what I want in life. I am in my mid twenties and my boyfriend is in his early thirties. I'm pretty sure his kid's mothers are around his age. I have been called every name under the sun. my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months.my boyfriend wants me to meet his kids but he doesn't want his baby mamas to make his life miserable. they are so bad that we can't even post on each other's fb or make our relationship fb official because they will stalk me. please tell me what I should do if they is anything that can be done

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