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Would you describe your husband as selfish? What exactly makes your husband selfish? Is it his refusal to help you with household chores, his lazy behavior, or a mix of things that you can't put a finger on?
This article describes some typical characteristics of a selfish husband. You may be able to relate to some points, and if you can, sit down with your hubby, quiz him, make him read this, and have a discussion about it.
10 Signs of a Selfish Husband
1) He never helps with household chores.
Do you find yourself doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning up after meals, and doing every other task under the roof of your house, while your husband reclines back on the sofa to watch TV or play video games?
If you are nodding yes, your life partner could be pushing the boundaries of being a selfish husband by turning a blind eye to helping you with household chores. Don't let this spiral out of control. Things will never change unless you make it happen.
2) Your husband expects sex even when you are not in the mood.
What happens if you ignore your husband's advances in bed when you are not in the mood for sex? Will he try to turn you on, get cranky and annoyed, or does he back off?
Whether you are tired, annoyed, angry, sad, depressed, or simply not in the mood for sex, your husband should unselfishly give you your own space. Expecting you to feel sexy just because he does may be pushing the boundaries of selfishness in your marriage.
3) Your husband leaves a mess everywhere and expects you to clean up.
Does your husband dump his clothes on the bed and expect you to sort the ones that can go back in the closet and the ones that go straight to the laundry? Does he lounge in the living room and just leave his dishes and bottles for you to put away?
If your husband is the sole bread-winner, then it is acceptable for him to expect some pampering after a long day's work. But if you are running after him to clean up his mess in every corner of the house, then his selfishness may be reaching unacceptable heights.
4) Your husband's career always gets priority over yours.
If you work, have a career goal, and ambitions, your husband should support your career. A focused, 21stcentury woman might be better at multitasking than many men and be better at juggling the responsibilities of a family and a job.
If your husband has no regard for your career and says things like, "Honey you don't need to work. I will provide for the family," or "You won't be making much money, so it is not worth it for you to work," remind him that being a selfish husband will only have a negative effect on your marriage.
5) Your husband is lazy all the time.
It is good to be laid back, but there is a fine line between being laid back and being lazy. Life is a tough race, and a loving partner supports the other person by helping with daily chores.
Just like you are expected to be a good wife and help your hubby with his daily routine, he too should be a good husband and help you with yours. If you hear things like "I'll do it later," "Not now," "Can't you see I'm relaxing?" or "Please stop nagging me!" every time you ask him to get up and help, be blunt and ask him to stop being lazy.
6) Your outings are always where your husband wants to go.
Suppose you and your husband were to go out for dinner or plan a weekend trip, would it be at a place of your choice, his choice, or somewhere the both of you want to go to? Ideally you would narrow down to a place that seems to appeal to both of you.
You should not have to go with your dear hubby to his favorite places without ever having a say in your date destination.
7) All the purchases in your family are your husband's choices.
From the cars you buy to the type of renovations you do in the kitchen to the stuff that you buy for the kids, does your life partner have the final word in every decision? He could be pushing the boundaries of being an overly controlling and selfish husband.
You should rightfully have an equal say in all the decisions that affect you and your family. Big purchases can only be enjoyed when both partners have played an equal role in making them.
8) Your husband asks you to cut back on spending, but he doesn't.
It is important to live on a budget, keep track of your expenses, and save for big purchases and college. It is equally important that these cuts on spending money apply to both partners in a marriage.
Your husband should not be selfish and ask you to cut back on spending money while he blows money away in the pub. And if he gives you a rebuttal like, "I am the one who earns money. I should be making the financial decisions around here," simply remind him of the cost of a full-time nanny for your children. After all, you too are contributing equally to the family.
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9) Your social life revolves solely by your husband's friends.
The social life of a married couple is ideally spread out within multiple social circles, including family, work colleagues, your husband's friends, and yours. What is the quotient of your social life as a married couple? Is it well-balanced, or is your husband deciding the people you both should meet and hang out with?
Perhaps there is a reason your hubby avoids meeting some of your friends or the people you like. But if his whims and fancies are baseless, you may want to remind him of how selfish a husband he is being by denying you your social life.
10) Your husband never takes the initiative to offer help or make you feel better.
This article is about how a selfish husband can refuse to help or contribute to your married life. But selfishness stems from something much deeper and goes beyond simply agreeing to do a chore when asked.
Just as you are expected to be bubbly and cheerful as you rummage through every mundane day of life, your husband must do his bit to make you feel loved.
Whether it is something as small as bringing back your favorite cheesecake on his way home from work, putting the kids to bed, randomly kissing you and telling you he loves you, or planning a vacation, your husband should take the initiative every now and then.
Tellie on May 15, 2020:
Well this artical didn't solve much . I just thought it might say some like he is a narcissistic of some type. I think it woyld be nice for the question to be solved.
Nc on April 30, 2020:
This cuts both ways, wifes can be lazy af in all of the same ways
foxofsummer on February 10, 2020:
I totally agree with most of this, but I think that 'remind your husband he might be being selfish' isn't a way that will get listened to. It sounds passive aggressive, and sounds like an instant way to get someone's back up ... even if you're totally right. Ask, is this fair. Say, I feel that it's not fair or an even split. Show him a visual. Tell him it's stopping you feeling sexy... which is the truth, this stuff is the worst passion killer!
Having said that... my hus falls into at least half of these! And we have talked about it, and he steps up his game for a while, till the talk has been over for awhile, and back it goes to hubby playing with his motorbikes but almost never with his kids, and refusing a car, and planning everything, and listening without comment to my saying 'but hanging out and chatting with the kids and showing them how to do things is our job, both of us' and never doing it.
He won't change, and I wish we had the financial stability to divorce and both have a roof. (Yes, he needs and deserves a roof too. Selfish or not.)
Fedup on December 27, 2019:
My partner has been on the dole 11 years, always promising to get a job but never looks for one. He acts like a big child, can't even put his own rubbish in the bin, totally ignores every request, even if its just to wash his face or teeth every day. If you are early on in a relationship like this, get out now. They will never change, I have self harmed and attempted worse, this bloke destroys every minute of every day with pure ignorance and laziness. He acts like I should be his mother and even blames me for stuff he doesn't do, don't waste your energy trying to make someone like this care, they simply don't.
Just need to vent on December 26, 2019:
Im so sick and tired of being with a lazy, broke man with no ambition. I never knew what I wanted in a man besides looks tbh. Physically he is perfect, But almost 5 yrs and a baby latter and his looks mean nothing anymore. He was my first real boyfriend so my standards and expectations were low. I feel like i am going to have a break down lately. I try to keep the place clean but everyday come home to filth. He doesn't even like to put the trash out unless I get it ready. I just want to take my daughter and disappear. He’d rather live off the government Check and work this dead end job he’s had for years where he barely brings in 100 a week. Im
no beauty but I am patient, kind, loyal, love to learn and see the people I care about happy. Sometimes I get to the point where I just want to explode. I just want to be happy, i have to choose myself. Word of advice, stay away from men with mommy issues
Cole on December 08, 2019:
This is so scary reading this. I am not married...yet. Just living together and have 1 year old baby. I’m already seeing all the signs. Should I run now? I’m trying to stay together for our son.
margaret on November 02, 2019:
my husband does nothing in the hse.i wake up to go to work and leave him sleeping something that happened for a year.later i had to push him to find work or start a small business.he started the business and left it after one month and went back to his normal life of sleeping and watching tv.The worst moment was after birth of my daughter .the nigga did not bother what i will eat or pay for hospital bill.i had to cater for all expenses something that annoyed me since the nigga is just lazy.i had to push him to do business or get a job or else look for accomodation somewhere else.he went back to upcountry only to keep nagging me to allow him back something have refused up to now.i feel wasted coz i have a hsehelp to pay and all other bills yet he does nothing and wants he get job he end up not turning to work saying that the work is too hard for him to do.I have just allowed him to be on his own to cater for his own bills because he is just a parasite.feel like moving on and leting him go
Dump That Dude on July 21, 2019:
All the crybaby men commenting about sexism Are welcome to go read posts complaining about wives.
Man Of God on July 02, 2019:
Amber on March 03, 2019:
For the guys saying what about the other way around, it definetly can be! This is mostly for women with lazy husbands, but there are men with lazy wifes. At the end of the day its effin' bull we make up for the other half.
Lee on February 27, 2019:
Read it, but switch the genders.
Anonymous on September 17, 2018:
I can relate to this.
My partner doesn’t work, and stays in bed all day every day. We moved 100s of Miles away from my family and friends, just so he could be close to his sister and mum. He promised when we moved he’d do more for me and for our family, yet he sits in bed all day. When I ask for help with housework he claims I can’t wash up properly so I have to learn how to do it, yet I wash up fine I run around looking after the kids and the house, taxi him and his family everywhere even had to put his mum on my car insurance WHICH I PAY FOR and pay for the petrol myself because her car broke and he said it was only fair!?
Now he’s moaning I spend to much time on social media, because that’s the only way I talk to my family and friends as he forbids me taking the kids to visit them!! He doesn’t talk to me, when he does he purposely says hurtful things to me like this morning we were talking about my sons school trip and he came out with “well if you didn’t spend your life on Facebook you’d know about the trip” yet I was the one who told him about the trip in the first place? I’m so sad, I have no friends where we live as he hates me going out without him yet he never wants to go anywhere only food shopping and then we have to rush back home so he can go sit in bed. I’m so lonely and now I’ve deleted my Facebook to stop arguments and he’s screaming at me “it won’t last” I can’t even talk to my friends or family anymore,
Helena on August 22, 2018:
My husband is a complete arsehole. He stops me from doing nearly everything. Not allowed to have friends, not allowed to wear pretty clothes, not allowed to have fun, jealous of any man who may look my way, it's getting so tiring. I recently met a guy who I got on with so well, yet my husband won't let me use social media so we lost touch and the guy was only a friend, he's not someone I'd even consider dating/ sleeping with...yet I'm sad because he'd have been such a nice buddy. Hubby won't let me use even YouTube. I'm getting sick of this possession. I want to be free.
Gabby56 on May 20, 2018:
You all sound like you carry a lot of weight but I actually feel like my partner is killing me .....
So when I was pregnant he left Mr to get his own hours and blamed me and said he was done... 6 weeks later we are together yet living apart....and that's when life just got worse and worse .... he now loves here 10 months later ...yet runs back to his house for days when he feels like it as he keeps forgetting to hand in the notice ... he can't be bothered to.turn his phone whilst I struggle with a 3 months old, my care taking job and our two year old. He lost his job back in October after not turning in and it is now may ... he has no job .. spent five grand of our savings and now another 41/2 of his inheritance mainly.on drinking and 'chilling' and caused me he'll through the pregnancy as he kept breaking up yet not meaning it , disappearing and leaving me to.clean a village hall on my own poorly. He sleeps all day most days, can't wash a plate , won't pay a penny , expect sex on demand, he can't even make a sandwich n be added to put the butter back iN the fridge. My two year old makes less mess
I don't know why I'm with tbh... he is just very good at being manipulative and I try myself for.the kids . He's it truly selfish and lazy .... he actually weed in a bottle because he couldn't be parsed to use 7 steps to go to.a toilet at the bottom !!
Anonymous on May 17, 2018:
My husband is the epitome of selfish and lazy! He works afternoons, I work days. I wake up in the morning, wake up ALL 3 boys for school. I go to work at 6:45 am and get home at 5:00 PM. I taxi tge boys around from baseball, work, grocery shoping, etc. i get back home at 8:00 at night. Cook dinner, yes, cook dinner. Get to bed around 10:00. He wakes up, takes himself yo gum, comes home , makes his lunch, goes to work. Comes back home and goes to sleep! Tough life huh?!?! I am considering divorce! Did I mention how we have holes in our walls because he drilled them for cable? I am so embarrassed of tge house, i wont even have company over.
Wish he would go on April 17, 2018:
I can relate to this. I work full time and we have two young children. I make three times what he does. But he still acts like his career is the only important one. He travels whenever he wants for work - without even giving sufficient notice - so that I'm left fitting my work schedule around his. I get up every morning with the kids while he sleeps in, I get home first to cook dinner and often do the evening routine on my own since he has a conference call or wants to go to the gym. Then I take care of them on my own nearly every weekend. To top it all off, he is addicted to social media so even when he is there, he's not present and is constantly pausing games with the kids to check in on facebook. When anything needs to be done around the house, I have to hire someone because he won't make the time or lacks the skills. He's an embarrassment and a burden
Ready to leave on March 31, 2018:
I’m so sick of being the slave. Never does housework, has never cooked a meal / claims he doesn’t know. I’ve come home after work to find the baby’s nappy solid, the house a mess and he was watching TV. He once bought some milk on his way home only because I asked him too. We have a cleaner and a gardener that I pay for because I can’t keep up with it all. He is away from home 12-14 hrs a day. I also work but I’m the one who has to do everything. The gutter is leaking, I’ve asked him to fix it so many times. He thinks I’m nagging. I once asked him to mow the lawn because our gardener I play for was away. He started googling lawn mowing services. When we go out, I always drive so he can get drunk. I hate my life!
Frustrated!!!!! on March 21, 2018:
I have been married ten years to a man that I love; however, I am so frustrated that I am contemplating asking him to leave. I am so tired of cleaning EVERYTHING! He works at home and he is a Linus, whatever he touches, he leaves a mess. His office is a whorl wind of a mess and he accepts that. Me, I like a clean tidy home with nice things and no clutter! I spend more time cleaning his mess that I have little time or energy to get to the rest of the clutter he makes. In addition, he buys EVERYTHING! We have unopened unused boxes throughout the house and I must walk side ways through my garage (I'm 5'2 115lbs). I can't get to anything in the garage and I can't find anything because he never puts things back where they belong.
When he is away on a business trip, I actually get things done but, it is hard labor and things are always broken or in disrepair. My house from the street looks like we are poor neglectful people and it is embarrassing for me to bring family or friends into it.
His day looks like this: up at 4am sits at computer until 4pm, drinks heavily until trashed and in bed by 7pm. If he leaves the house it is to go do something on his cars (13 of them which trash our yard). I am so sick of living like this. I am overwhelmed and beginning to hate him for forcing this pathetic trashy lifestyle on me. Advise????
Heather Schaeffer on January 29, 2018:
I am divorced and single for a reason. I found I do not have the skills or the patients to make a man do something so I do not date. I am actually an attractive women raising great children on my own I cut my own lawn, work two jobs, and have you-tube to help me fix things around my home. In addition, items I do not know how to fix or need help fixing I will hire a licensed female who knows how to fix things so I will not have to rely on a man.
As for intimacy men have too many hang ups and I am not attracted to women in that way so I like life as a single person. I do not want a man coming and going in my life and begging him to spend time with me or help me around the house. I been there and done that. My advice to women with lazy nasty husbands leave get a female diverse lawyer, good computer, education, and a job and live alone. Best Luck ladies never depend on a man this day and age.
Joyours on December 05, 2017:
My husband is a tv addict, neglect garden, pool is green and mosquito infested, abusive that He switches geyser only one hour per day as he pays for the lights. Above all he is socio-phobic. He goes to work and sits in front of the tv, hate studying and anything that has to do with self-development. Has bad breadth and refuses to seek medical help. He does not believe in having fun let alone going on holiday. I'm contemplating divorce after 32 yrs of marriage. He thinks I'm nagging. I have to see to the renovations, look for constructors and even pay them and to top it all go on holidays and movies alone.
Steph on October 09, 2017:
Most of these points are true about my husband. Are most husbands like this?
debbie on September 24, 2017:
hi my name is debbie i have been with my husband for 14 years and after we got married he turned into a big jerk he stopped having sex with me and when i asked him why he said the thrill of the hunt is gone...he is so hard headed and i feel like im married to a child i am seriously thinking legal separation i can no longer deal with him anymore what should i do
NobodySpecial on September 18, 2017:
Funny, they say if the other has HDD, then it's ok and you should have patience
Chris on July 04, 2017:
I think they just don't care! It's his way or no way!
Mary Smith on May 31, 2017:
Selfish lazy going on 10
Bahaahahahaha on January 08, 2017:
Kay on March 11, 2014:
You could put my husband's picture at the top of this article. He's the Poster Boy for "Selfish/Lazy"..... 61 yrs old going on 12.
Enelle Lamb from Canada's 'California' on October 23, 2012:
Great hub - I definitely remembered quite a few of those traits!
Anastasia Kingsley from Croatia, Europe on October 23, 2012:
Good hub and great photo on top. Enjoyed it! I like the "stop being lazy" comment.
William E Krill Jr from Hollidaysburg, PA on October 22, 2012:
What happens if it's the other way 'round?