Traits, Characteristics, and Behavior of Lazy and Selfish Husbands

Updated on June 20, 2016
Is your husband showing signs of being a selfish individual? Have an open discussion with him before things get out of hand.
Is your husband showing signs of being a selfish individual? Have an open discussion with him before things get out of hand. | Source

Would you describe your husband as selfish? What exactly makes your husband selfish? Is it his refusal to help you with household chores, his lazy behavior, or a mix of things that you can't put a finger on?

This article describes some typical characteristics of a selfish husband. You may be able to relate to some points, and if you can, sit down with your hubby, quiz him, make him read this, and have a discussion about it.

1) He never helps with household chores.

Do you find yourself doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning up after meals, and doing every other task under the roof of your house, while your husband reclines back on the sofa to watch TV or play video games?

If you are nodding yes, your life partner could be pushing the boundaries of being a selfish husband by turning a blind eye to helping you with household chores. Don't let this spiral out of control. Things will never change unless you make it happen.

2) Your husband expects sex even when you are not in the mood.

What happens if you ignore your husband's advances in bed when you are not in the mood for sex? Will he try to turn you on, get cranky and annoyed, or does he back off?

Whether you are tired, annoyed, angry, sad, depressed, or simply not in the mood for sex, your husband should unselfishly give you your own space. Expecting you to feel sexy just because he does may be pushing the boundaries of selfishness in your marriage.

3) Your husband leaves a mess everywhere and expects you to clean up.

Does your husband dump his clothes on the bed and expect you to sort the ones that can go back in the closet and the ones that go straight to the laundry? Does he lounge in the living room and just leave his dishes and bottles for you to put away?

If your husband is the sole bread-winner, then it is acceptable for him to expect some pampering after a long day's work. But if you are running after him to clean up his mess in every corner of the house, then his selfishness may be reaching unacceptable heights.

4) Your husband's career always gets priority over yours

If you work, have a career goal, and ambitions, your husband should support your career. A focused, 21stcentury woman might be better at multitasking than many men and be better at juggling the responsibilities of a family and a job.

If your husband has no regard for your career and says things like, "Honey you don't need to work. I will provide for the family," or "You won't be making much money, so it is not worth it for you to work," remind him that being a selfish husband will only have a negative effect on your marriage.

5) Your husband is lazy all the time.

It is good to be laid back, but there is a fine line between being laid back and being lazy. Life is a tough race, and a loving partner supports the other person by helping with daily chores.

Just like you are expected to be a good wife and help your hubby with his daily routine, he too should be a good husband and help you with yours. If you hear things like "I'll do it later," "Not now," "Can't you see I'm relaxing?" or "Please stop nagging me!" every time you ask him to get up and help, be blunt and ask him to stop being lazy.

6) Your outings are always where your husband wants to go.

Suppose you and your husband were to go out for dinner or plan a weekend trip, would it be at a place of your choice, his choice, or somewhere the both of you want to go to? Ideally you would narrow down to a place that seems to appeal to both of you.

You should not have to go with your dear hubby to his favorite places without ever having a say in your date destination.

7) All the purchases in your family are your husband's choices.

From the cars you buy to the type of renovations you do in the kitchen to the stuff that you buy for the kids, does your life partner have the final word in every decision? He could be pushing the boundaries of being an overly controlling and selfish husband.

You should rightfully have an equal say in all the decisions that affect you and your family. Big purchases can only be enjoyed when both partners have played an equal role in making them.

8) Your husband asks you to cut back on spending, but he doesn't.

It is important to live on a budget, keep track of your expenses, and save for big purchases and college. It is equally important that these cuts on spending money apply to both partners in a marriage.

Your husband should not be selfish and ask you to cut back on spending money while he blows money away in the pub. And if he gives you a rebuttal like, "I am the one who earns money. I should be making the financial decisions around here," simply remind him of the cost of a full-time nanny for your children. After all, you too are contributing equally to the family.

9) Your social life revolves solely by your husband's friends.

The social life of a married couple is ideally spread out within multiple social circles, including family, work colleagues, your husband's friends, and yours. What is the quotient of your social life as a married couple? Is it well-balanced, or is your husband deciding the people you both should meet and hang out with?

Perhaps there is a reason your hubby avoids meeting some of your friends or the people you like. But if his whims and fancies are baseless, you may want to remind him of how selfish a husband he is being by denying you your social life.

10) Your husband never takes the initiative to offer help or make you feel better.

This article is about how a selfish husband can refuse to help or contribute to your married life. But selfishness stems from something much deeper and goes beyond simply agreeing to do a chore when asked.

Just as you are expected to be bubbly and cheerful as you rummage through every mundane day of life, your husband must do his bit to make you feel loved.

Whether it is something as small as bringing back your favorite cheesecake on his way home from work, putting the kids to bed, randomly kissing you and telling you he loves you, or planning a vacation, your husband should take the initiative every now and then.

Questions & Answers

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        Wish he would go 4 days ago

        I can relate to this. I work full time and we have two young children. I make three times what he does. But he still acts like his career is the only important one. He travels whenever he wants for work - without even giving sufficient notice - so that I'm left fitting my work schedule around his. I get up every morning with the kids while he sleeps in, I get home first to cook dinner and often do the evening routine on my own since he has a conference call or wants to go to the gym. Then I take care of them on my own nearly every weekend. To top it all off, he is addicted to social media so even when he is there, he's not present and is constantly pausing games with the kids to check in on facebook. When anything needs to be done around the house, I have to hire someone because he won't make the time or lacks the skills. He's an embarrassment and a burden

      • profile image

        Ready to leave 3 weeks ago

        I’m so sick of being the slave. Never does housework, has never cooked a meal / claims he doesn’t know. I’ve come home after work to find the baby’s nappy solid, the house a mess and he was watching TV. He once bought some milk on his way home only because I asked him too. We have a cleaner and a gardener that I pay for because I can’t keep up with it all. He is away from home 12-14 hrs a day. I also work but I’m the one who has to do everything. The gutter is leaking, I’ve asked him to fix it so many times. He thinks I’m nagging. I once asked him to mow the lawn because our gardener I play for was away. He started googling lawn mowing services. When we go out, I always drive so he can get drunk. I hate my life!

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        Frustrated!!!!! 4 weeks ago

        I have been married ten years to a man that I love; however, I am so frustrated that I am contemplating asking him to leave. I am so tired of cleaning EVERYTHING! He works at home and he is a Linus, whatever he touches, he leaves a mess. His office is a whorl wind of a mess and he accepts that. Me, I like a clean tidy home with nice things and no clutter! I spend more time cleaning his mess that I have little time or energy to get to the rest of the clutter he makes. In addition, he buys EVERYTHING! We have unopened unused boxes throughout the house and I must walk side ways through my garage (I'm 5'2 115lbs). I can't get to anything in the garage and I can't find anything because he never puts things back where they belong.

        When he is away on a business trip, I actually get things done but, it is hard labor and things are always broken or in disrepair. My house from the street looks like we are poor neglectful people and it is embarrassing for me to bring family or friends into it.

        His day looks like this: up at 4am sits at computer until 4pm, drinks heavily until trashed and in bed by 7pm. If he leaves the house it is to go do something on his cars (13 of them which trash our yard). I am so sick of living like this. I am overwhelmed and beginning to hate him for forcing this pathetic trashy lifestyle on me. Advise????

      • profile image

        Heather Schaeffer 2 months ago

        I am divorced and single for a reason. I found I do not have the skills or the patients to make a man do something so I do not date. I am actually an attractive women raising great children on my own I cut my own lawn, work two jobs, and have you-tube to help me fix things around my home. In addition, items I do not know how to fix or need help fixing I will hire a licensed female who knows how to fix things so I will not have to rely on a man.

        As for intimacy men have too many hang ups and I am not attracted to women in that way so I like life as a single person. I do not want a man coming and going in my life and begging him to spend time with me or help me around the house. I been there and done that. My advice to women with lazy nasty husbands leave get a female diverse lawyer, good computer, education, and a job and live alone. Best Luck ladies never depend on a man this day and age.

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        Joyours 4 months ago

        My husband is a tv addict, neglect garden, pool is green and mosquito infested, abusive that He switches geyser only one hour per day as he pays for the lights. Above all he is socio-phobic. He goes to work and sits in front of the tv, hate studying and anything that has to do with self-development. Has bad breadth and refuses to seek medical help. He does not believe in having fun let alone going on holiday. I'm contemplating divorce after 32 yrs of marriage. He thinks I'm nagging. I have to see to the renovations, look for constructors and even pay them and to top it all go on holidays and movies alone.

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        Steph 6 months ago

        Most of these points are true about my husband. Are most husbands like this?

      • profile image

        debbie 6 months ago

        hi my name is debbie i have been with my husband for 14 years and after we got married he turned into a big jerk he stopped having sex with me and when i asked him why he said the thrill of the hunt is gone...he is so hard headed and i feel like im married to a child i am seriously thinking legal separation i can no longer deal with him anymore what should i do

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        NobodySpecial 7 months ago

        Funny, they say if the other has HDD, then it's ok and you should have patience

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        Chris 9 months ago

        I think they just don't care! It's his way or no way!

      • profile image

        Mary Smith 10 months ago

        Selfish lazy going on 10

      • profile image

        Bahaahahahaha 15 months ago

        Bahahahaha

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        Kay 4 years ago

        You could put my husband's picture at the top of this article. He's the Poster Boy for "Selfish/Lazy"..... 61 yrs old going on 12.

      • Enelle Lamb profile image

        Enelle Lamb 5 years ago from Canada's 'California'

        Great hub - I definitely remembered quite a few of those traits!

      • EuroCafeAuLait profile image

        Anastasia Kingsley 5 years ago from Croatia, Europe

        Good hub and great photo on top. Enjoyed it! I like the "stop being lazy" comment.

      • krillco profile image

        William E Krill Jr 5 years ago from Hollidaysburg, PA

        What happens if it's the other way 'round?

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