Signs Your Significant Other Is Texting Someone More Interesting Than You

Updated on August 11, 2018
DrewLaskey profile image

My goal is to help everyone understand the patterns that develop in their relationships, and figure out which ones should raise red flags.

Find out whether you should be concerned about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting.
Find out whether you should be concerned about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting. | Source

How to Know If He or She Is Texting Someone Else

You two are sitting there, enjoying whatever you two enjoy, or pretend to enjoy, and your significant other's phone beeps at the sound of a text message.

How he or she responds to that "beep" can tell you whether to be concerned or not.

Since you're not an overbearing boyfriend or girlfriend, you're not going to ask who just texted. But as a normal human being, you are probably going to wonder who it is, especially early on in the relationship.

The following are some signs that you may want to pay attention to. These signs can end up allaying or confirming your potential worries. This article will go over:

  • when you shouldn't worry about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting,
  • when to worry about who they are texting, and
  • what to do if they are texting an ex.

If your significant other shows you their phone, their text conversation probably isn't a big deal.
If your significant other shows you their phone, their text conversation probably isn't a big deal. | Source

Signs You Shouldn't Worry If Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Texting Someone Else

First, you want to notice their body language: How quickly do they check their phone? What expression is on their face and how long does it stay there? Does it gradually fade after the initial reading or does it stay there as they reply?

It's probably nothing if:

  • They maintain the same expression they had prior to the message. If they smile, look at how they are smiling. If you know your significant other, you should know their smiles because, yes, there are varying degrees, and yes, they do mean different things. If it's a generic kind of smile or chuckle, chances are it's just one of their friends or someone completely harmless, or unimportant. You shouldn’t worry unless it’s a sly, secretive smile, and they don’t respond or act skiddish when you ask them who they’re texting.
  • They don't respond. If they don't even bother texting back or it's a delayed response, that usually means the person fell under that “unimportant” umbrella. However, depending on their reaction to the text, this could also mean that it’s someone they don’t want to text back in front of you. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re cheating, but it could raise some red flags.
  • They don't hide the text. If they don't change their angle to you to prevent you from seeing their phone, then they're not concerned about you seeing it. In that case, it's very unlikely that they're trying to hide anything from you.
  • They let you handle the phone. If they don't have their phone on them when the message comes (it's in the other room, on the table, wherever) and they ask you to bring it to them, that means they don't care if you see who texted them. Furthermore, it probably means they don't have anything to hide. Clearly, they don’t care if you see who they are texting or what the conversation is about.
  • They share the message. They openly tell you what the message was about or who it was from. Chances are they won't lie about either. If they do, you're worse off than you thought (sorry).

(Piece of advice): Just about everyone is texted by people who vent to them about someone or something. As a natural reaction, the person who's on the listening end will usually relay what they're hearing to someone else (you, if you're around), not only to help make better sense of it but to also tell a story (it gives them a chance to play all-knowing therapist—a role we all love).

I can't even begin to tell you how many times, after about six or seven message exchanges between an ex-girlfriend of mine and someone else, I heard all about it—all about it. In my experience, girls are much more likely to get texts from someone who just needs to talk. (Newsflash: girls like to vent to girls about other girls, and guys open up to girls much more than they do their bros). And that's usually all it is.

So guys, be patient and don't take it too much to head. And if your girl wants to confide in you about the gossip/venting, or whatever the girls call it these days, listen. It's important (to them).

Is that a dreamy, secretive smile on your girlfriend's face after reading an incoming text? That might be cause for concern.
Is that a dreamy, secretive smile on your girlfriend's face after reading an incoming text? That might be cause for concern. | Source

When to Worry About Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend's Texting

While it's generally best to trust your significant other and not act like a jealous fool, sometimes there are some legitimate red flags that come up with regards to their texting habits.

  • Their laugh is different. If they laugh, smile, or chuckle in a way that they laugh, smile, or chuckle with you—or used to, anyway—that might be cause for concern. Be careful here though, some people just have a singular laugh that sounds the same for any measure of humor. If that is the case, just give them a pass. Same goes for the type who just laughs at everything because, well, they laugh at everything.
  • They ignore you to respond to the text. If they respond to the message in a very focused manner, appearing oblivious to anything else going on, then that is a bad sign. That whole tidbit about keeping their attention or they'll find someone else who will, yeah, those are words to live by in relationships. However, this isn’t always necessarily a reason to freak out. They could be having an intense discussion with a friend or family member. It’s always better to ask than to assume they’re cheating on you. Pay attention to how they respond when you ask them who they’re texting.
  • They hide the text from you. Changing the angle of their phone to prevent you from seeing it is a huge red flag. Odds are, they're not throwing you a surprise party.
  • They hold on to their phone. Instead of returning their phone to where it was prior (pocket, purse, and so on) they keep it in their hand. Again, this could mean nothing: it could be thoughtless, or they may actually need the phone to check their email or get directions. They could be playing a game or decide to read the news after checking their texts. Or, it could mean something: they may be expecting another reply and are too excited to get it to put the phone down. If you know your partner well, you should know their phone habits. If they are acting in some unusual manner, that could be cause for suspicion.
  • They leave the room to text. They text when in another room, then for "some reason," they stop when you come. Sometimes this is just a simple gesture of politeness. But sometimes, there's another reason behind it. If your significant other is consistently texting in a manner that is covert and secretive, then that's something you need to think about.
  • They get anxious if they don't have their phone. If you happen to be holding their phone and they hear it receive a text, they grab for it and appear antsy until they get it, especially if you play the "keep-away" game. That’s when you take their phone and playfully continue to withhold it from them, to their increasing irritation. (Don’t play the keep-away game. It's annoying.) You might be able to see a certain level of discomfort or anxiety on their face when you have their phone. If they never let you have their phone, there's probably a reason. (Really, all it takes is one keep-away game too many and you lose any phone-holding privileges. Or, they just have something to hide. That could be the case, too.)

If one of the above things happen, you can try to divert their attention with questions or conversation. If their body language is passive and disinterested, that may be a sign that they're simply talking to someone more interesting than you, which, sadly, could really be no one's fault but your own.

Is he texting his ex? Some people have great relationships with their former partners, but in some cases, it might raise some red flags.
Is he texting his ex? Some people have great relationships with their former partners, but in some cases, it might raise some red flags. | Source

What to Do If Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Texting Their Ex

What if you find out it’s an ex they're texting? In that case, and in my opinion, it is entirely appropriate to ask what the ex is talking to them about and why. But keep in mind that how you ask is super important. Ask genuinely and from a place of curiosity, not aggressively like you're accusing him or her something. If you approach the situation with an open mind and light-hearted attitude, you’re much more likely to get a positive reaction from your significant other. Believe it or not, some people are still friends with their exes and still do text them from time to time. And believe it or not, it can mean absolutely nothing.

If, for some reason, you feel your significant other may still be tied to a particular ex in some way, then by all means, talk to your partner about it and make sure you are both on the same page. Remember: In any scenario, your approach is everything.

There's no foolproof method to determine if the person they're texting or the subject of those texts is actually a threat to you or your relationship—not without snooping, at least, which I do not recommend.

Honestly, if you're in a relationship where you worry that much about who they're texting, then maybe you two are in the wrong relationship. Or, maybe you just need to get over yourself and stop worrying so damn much.

If in your heart of hearts it’s actually starting to get to you and make you genuinely wonder, it's much more productive to make them aware of your concerns and try to talk about it. Then you have their attention and you can sit down and have an adult conversation about what exactly is bothering you and why. But resort to that sit-down only if it's a recurring issue that you believe is a legitimate cause for concern. Chances are, it’s not.

Be smart, and most of all, trust your partner. At the end of the day, they’re with you, not the person they’re texting. Don't let the simple human nature of insecurity-based jealousy get the best of you. Because when it does, it prevents you from offering your best to your significant other. And that’s unfair to both of you.

Do your partner's texting habits make you wonder?

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    • profile image

      Lisa Cortis 

      41 hours ago from United States of America

      if not for prudenthackr@ GmaiL. I wouldnt have known that another lady was pregnant for my husband. we been waiting for 5 years but he could not wait any longer. he had to impregnate one of his students. How can a professor stoop so low. if not for the fact that I read all the messages and photos of doctor's report she sent him via whatsapp. I would have been in the dark. I honestly donno what to do. Please advice me cos if not for hacking through his phone, he would never tell me!

    • profile image

      danny vane 

      44 hours ago

      hello here Most trusted and recommended of all PI/computer expert on here for the job, you must have heard or see a user on here recommended him before, you should hit him up now for any infidelities issues,insecurity and spying related .he is markfagertech at gmail dot com

      He has lots to offer on are database easily reach him on Gmail and know where you stand with your relationship.

    • profile image

      Lisa Cortis 

      4 weeks ago from United States of America

      every lady loves someone who is spontaneous and makes her happy. If your in a relationship and you donno how to make your girlfriend happy, she gonna find happiness on social media. This is why i tell many of my clients who come for help in tracking or hacking their girlfriend's social media if the lady is truly happy in the relationship. prudenthackr at gmAi d0t c0m is not only a seasoned professional, he is also a relationship coach. try to make her happy at all times, if you do this, she wont have any notion to cheat.. goodluck!

    • profile image


      4 weeks ago

      What if she is cheating on me

    • profile image


      2 months ago

      Same thing, Emily, pretty disappointed to find out that ultimately it's my fault because I'm boring. Lol.

    • profile image


      2 months ago

      Though, the way the author savagely tells me it's my fault for being uninteresting makes me angry. Is it my fault my boyfriend is such a cheater lmao.

    • profile image


      7 months ago

      Ok i been with this girl for 1year and 3months it takes her 2 or more hours to reply can anyone help me if shes cheating or not

    • profile image

      Raul Williams 

      8 months ago

      Hello everyone, i would have made the biggest mistake of my life marrying my former spouse but before the marriage after i saw his link from someones else testimonial. He is a professional that specializes in exposing cheating spouse and every other hacking and tracking related issues.He is truly a cyber genius , he helps catching cheating spouse by hacking and tracking their communications like call, whatsapp, Facebook, text, emails, Skype and many more.if you are having doubts in your affairs and relationship please i will advise you to contact him and know if He or she is true to you. contact him via

    • profile image

      HJH HJH 

      11 months ago

      I was at work for two days, Tuesday and Wednesday, my girlfriend said she had homework to finish at college on a Tuesday and Wednesday while I work.

      She texted me and Facebooked me from time to time but got less from her.

      Soon I started to wonder of she was up to something while I was athinking work, sadly I had all these negative thoughts of what she's doing.

      I clocked out of work, went home, waited for her, she came home at mid night we talked and greeted each other for a minute or two til I noticed she wasnt wearing a bra but only a shirt.

      I wondered why but didn't ask at the time. I leaned over to her for a kiss but she just walked passed me bear foot and acting like she needed to relax after a hard day of homework and exams, I got pissed at her and told her off , we argued that night.

      Since then a week passed by I still wondered of that night thinking of our apartment we had.

      I looked at her phone and I saw her text say this " hey baby what are you up to, my car smells. You need to clean it " reading that really pissed me off and now I look at her judging and hating her for playing me like a fool. I want to confront her about this, but I'm afraid if I do things will go downhill and she'll stop trusting me. It's a fucked up feeling and I would want advice on what to do. :(

    • profile image


      11 months ago

      I want to know if she likes someone at her work?

    • profile image


      14 months ago

      Is it weird that after a affair my wife had to want to see her do it in front of me and shair her with another man in a threesome. Sorry just need to know if im a weirdo or not thanks

    • profile image


      14 months ago

      Now a days women have names like janet sue or etc. For contacts in their phone but its james sam or etc for a cover up

    • profile image


      15 months ago

      My current boyfriend and I have had an on off relationship for 10 years. I know we have a love for one another, he just seems to get easily distracted by his ex wife - she starts texting and he makes his phone his priority, I end up asking him questions on why he feels the need to maintain that relationship, they have no children tying them together. He gets mad and leaves, this has happened 3 times in our 10 years. We have recently gotten back together 1 month now, and it started again already... He gets text all the time and says whose texting, but he also starts multiple conversations once that first one comes so he can brush it off as if it's our friends. Once he told me it was one of my friends, so I text her and she didn't respond for 30 minutes, said she had been for her evening walk and didn't carry her phone, I didn't share what he had said or ask questions, she was just explaining the delay in response. Why does he think I am so dumb and can't catch on to his bs. Technology is great for those of us who are honest and trustworthy.

    • profile image


      20 months ago

      Me and my girlfriend where together for almost 2 years she used to leave her phone lying about not bothered about me seeing anything but that changed I caught her liking guys pictures on Facebook she denied it of course and the guy had messaged her and she didn't let me see it that's when it started going downhill then she starts hiding her phone so one night while she was asleep I looked on her phone and she had messaged a guy and told her friends she didn't want me and wanted to get rid of me so I waited for her to wake up and I packed my stuff and left she was crying but we got back together and then she only wanted to see me twice a week and didn't like me just turning up at the house she was telling me she loves me all time but then all of a sudden dropped me it's been 4 weeks now and we have had no contact what are your thoughts do you think she was cheating on me

    • profile image


      21 months ago

      Ya I caught my soon to be ex girlfriend recently texting 3 different dudes asking them when they would like to meet up and that is considered cheating , she doesnt even know that Ive read all her text messages and Im going to keep it that way. Her actions are what gave her away which caused me to investigate and so my intuition was right . Best way to handle this type of situation is to not react to it , pretend like you dont know anything and plan your exit strategy and get the hell out of dodge . When she ignores your text messages while at the same time attempts to text message the other dudes its time to give the middle finger and bounce.

    • profile image


      23 months ago

      Am puzzled or rather irritated by my girlfriends texting other people all the time and texting me less or even keeping me on hold for a long time while still online texting, she used to wake me up in the middle of the night and very early in the morning but now she's changed this but I still see her online during the Same time she used to text me and I can't help thinking she is doing the same with someone else it just natural for a man to do so.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      move on he is and has been cheating

    • profile image

      3 years ago

      He's up to something ,,,, believe me

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 months now, and we have had a rough relationship, but recently we have been better than ever. I found out I was pregnant a month and a half into our relationship. The first trimester was definitely no fun for our relationship we fought all the time. About 3 months into it I found out a girl he was talking to what he told me she was just a "friend" multiple times in a way that they shouldn't have been. Not to mention when he went to his hometown a state away from me he hung out with her and some stuff happened. Recently he's been hiding his phone or making sure it's somewhere really close to him, and then when he leaves his snapchat number jumps up tremendously. I feel like he's hiding something... do u think I'm over reacting or what should I do???

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I have a girlfriend who I have caught texting one of her friends(girl) I told her not to talk to my girlfriend cuz she was a bum and was emo as fuck and such. So one day I heard her Facebook ring tone go off. I asked her who it was she said it was one of her friends crista. So I played it off like I believed her and then I took her phone and told her I was gonna play a game. So I went on her Facebook and tried to find out who texted her. And there was nothing. She tried to be slik and delete the message. So I texted her friend cristas number with my girlfriend asking, hey did you just text me on Facebook and she said...... No? Makes me wonder. What do you guys think

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Just know when amsome girls say we just friends find out by asking the guy his name and what they going on when she bot around like not on her phone .but like online website.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I always seem to get way to over protective when I find out my girlfriend is texting another guy that She likes. She gets mad at me and we fight when I ask her about it. Saying they are just friends. Any help?


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