Signs Your Significant Other Is Texting Someone More Interesting Than You

Updated on June 18, 2019
DrewLaskey profile image

My goal is to help everyone understand the patterns that develop in their relationships, and figure out which ones should raise red flags.

Find out whether you should be concerned about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting.
Find out whether you should be concerned about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting. | Source

How to Know If He or She Is Texting Someone Else

You two are sitting there, enjoying whatever you two enjoy, or pretend to enjoy, and your significant other's phone beeps at the sound of a text message.

How he or she responds to that "beep" can tell you whether to be concerned or not.

Since you're not an overbearing boyfriend or girlfriend, you're not going to ask who just texted. But as a normal human being, you are probably going to wonder who it is, especially early on in the relationship.

The following are some signs that you may want to pay attention to. These signs can end up allaying or confirming your potential worries. This article will go over:

  • When you shouldn't worry about who your boyfriend or girlfriend is texting.
  • When to worry about who they are texting.
  • What to do if they are texting an ex.

If your significant other shows you their phone, their text conversation probably isn't a big deal.
If your significant other shows you their phone, their text conversation probably isn't a big deal. | Source

Signs You Shouldn't Worry If Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Texting Someone Else

First, you want to notice their body language: How quickly do they check their phone? What expression is on their face and how long does it stay there? Does it gradually fade after the initial reading or does it stay there as they reply?

It's probably nothing if:

  • They maintain the same expression they had prior to the message. If they smile, look at how they are smiling. If you know your significant other, you should know their smiles because, yes, there are varying degrees, and yes, they do mean different things. If it's a generic kind of smile or chuckle, chances are it's just one of their friends or someone completely harmless, or unimportant. You shouldn’t worry unless it’s a sly, secretive smile, and they don’t respond or act skiddish when you ask them who they’re texting.
  • They don't respond. If they don't even bother texting back or it's a delayed response, that usually means the person fell under that “unimportant” umbrella. However, depending on their reaction to the text, this could also mean that it’s someone they don’t want to text back in front of you. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re cheating, but it could raise some red flags.
  • They don't hide the text. If they don't change their angle to you to prevent you from seeing their phone, then they're not concerned about you seeing it. In that case, it's very unlikely that they're trying to hide anything from you.
  • They let you handle the phone. If they don't have their phone on them when the message comes (it's in the other room, on the table, wherever) and they ask you to bring it to them, that means they don't care if you see who texted them. Furthermore, it probably means they don't have anything to hide. Clearly, they don’t care if you see who they are texting or what the conversation is about.
  • They share the message. They openly tell you what the message was about or who it was from. Chances are they won't lie about either. If they do, you're worse off than you thought (sorry).

(Piece of advice): Just about everyone is texted by people who vent to them about someone or something. As a natural reaction, the person who's on the listening end will usually relay what they're hearing to someone else (you, if you're around), not only to help make better sense of it but to also tell a story (it gives them a chance to play all-knowing therapist—a role we all love).

I can't even begin to tell you how many times, after about six or seven message exchanges between an ex-girlfriend of mine and someone else, I heard all about it—all about it. In my experience, girls are much more likely to get texts from someone who just needs to talk. (Newsflash: girls like to vent to girls about other girls, and guys open up to girls much more than they do their bros). And that's usually all it is.

So guys, be patient and don't take it too much to head. And if your girl wants to confide in you about the gossip/venting, or whatever the girls call it these days, listen. It's important (to them).

Is that a dreamy, secretive smile on your girlfriend's face after reading an incoming text? That might be cause for concern.
Is that a dreamy, secretive smile on your girlfriend's face after reading an incoming text? That might be cause for concern. | Source

When to Worry About Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend's Texting

While it's generally best to trust your significant other and not act like a jealous fool, sometimes there are some legitimate red flags that come up with regards to their texting habits.

  • Their laugh is different. If they laugh, smile, or chuckle in a way that they laugh, smile, or chuckle with you—or used to, anyway—that might be cause for concern. Be careful here though, some people just have a singular laugh that sounds the same for any measure of humor. If that is the case, just give them a pass. Same goes for the type who just laughs at everything because, well, they laugh at everything.
  • They ignore you to respond to the text. If they respond to the message in a very focused manner, appearing oblivious to anything else going on, then that is a bad sign. That whole tidbit about keeping their attention or they'll find someone else who will, yeah, those are words to live by in relationships. However, this isn’t always necessarily a reason to freak out. They could be having an intense discussion with a friend or family member. It’s always better to ask than to assume they’re cheating on you. Pay attention to how they respond when you ask them who they’re texting.
  • They hide the text from you. Changing the angle of their phone to prevent you from seeing it is a huge red flag. Odds are, they're not throwing you a surprise party.
  • They hold on to their phone. Instead of returning their phone to where it was prior (pocket, purse, and so on) they keep it in their hand. Again, this could mean nothing: it could be thoughtless, or they may actually need the phone to check their email or get directions. They could be playing a game or decide to read the news after checking their texts. Or, it could mean something: they may be expecting another reply and are too excited to get it to put the phone down. If you know your partner well, you should know their phone habits. If they are acting in some unusual manner, that could be cause for suspicion.
  • They leave the room to text. They text when in another room, then for "some reason," they stop when you come. Sometimes this is just a simple gesture of politeness. But sometimes, there's another reason behind it. If your significant other is consistently texting in a manner that is covert and secretive, then that's something you need to think about.
  • They get anxious if they don't have their phone. If you happen to be holding their phone and they hear it receive a text, they grab for it and appear antsy until they get it, especially if you play the "keep-away" game. That’s when you take their phone and playfully continue to withhold it from them, to their increasing irritation. (Don’t play the keep-away game. It's annoying.) You might be able to see a certain level of discomfort or anxiety on their face when you have their phone. If they never let you have their phone, there's probably a reason. (Really, all it takes is one keep-away game too many and you lose any phone-holding privileges. Or, they just have something to hide. That could be the case, too.)

If one of the above things happen, you can try to divert their attention with questions or conversation. If their body language is passive and disinterested, that may be a sign that they're simply talking to someone more interesting than you, which, sadly, could really be no one's fault but your own.

Is he texting his ex? Some people have great relationships with their former partners, but in some cases, it might raise some red flags.
Is he texting his ex? Some people have great relationships with their former partners, but in some cases, it might raise some red flags. | Source

What to Do If Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Texting Their Ex

What if you find out it’s an ex they're texting? In that case, and in my opinion, it is entirely appropriate to ask what the ex is talking to them about and why. But keep in mind that how you ask is super important. Ask genuinely and from a place of curiosity, not aggressively like you're accusing him or her something. If you approach the situation with an open mind and light-hearted attitude, you’re much more likely to get a positive reaction from your significant other. Believe it or not, some people are still friends with their exes and still do text them from time to time. And believe it or not, it can mean absolutely nothing.

If, for some reason, you feel your significant other may still be tied to a particular ex in some way, then by all means, talk to your partner about it and make sure you are both on the same page. Remember: In any scenario, your approach is everything.

There's no foolproof method to determine if the person they're texting or the subject of those texts is actually a threat to you or your relationship—not without snooping, at least, which I do not recommend.

Honestly, if you're in a relationship where you worry that much about who they're texting, then maybe you two are in the wrong relationship. Or, maybe you just need to get over yourself and stop worrying so damn much.

If in your heart of hearts it’s actually starting to get to you and make you genuinely wonder, it's much more productive to make them aware of your concerns and try to talk about it. Then you have their attention and you can sit down and have an adult conversation about what exactly is bothering you and why. But resort to that sit-down only if it's a recurring issue that you believe is a legitimate cause for concern. Chances are, it’s not.

Be smart, and most of all, trust your partner. At the end of the day, they’re with you, not the person they’re texting. Don't let the simple human nature of insecurity-based jealousy get the best of you. Because when it does, it prevents you from offering your best to your significant other. And that’s unfair to both of you.

Do Your Partner's Texting Habits Make You Wonder?

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      Jose 

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      Renee Mcconnell 

      3 months ago

      When i go into the bathroom .my boyfriend is talking to somone and he changes who hes talking to on his phone could he be cheating

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      Emari 

      8 months ago

      Can’t say I agree that you should trust your partner. If they’re constantly breaking their attention away from you to check their phone, that simply means you aren’t priority. It doesn’t matter if it’s an ex or not. It doesn’t matter if they’re cheating or not. You aren’t their priority. So unless they have small children who are with a babysitter, you’re best off finding someone who keeps their phone in their pocket while spending time with you.

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      Controller 

      9 months ago

      I asked my girl why we no long have communications as we used to do and the answer she gave me was I like complaining a lot and told she replied to my text with a different name does it mean she is meeting someone else.

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      Kevin 

      12 months ago

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      14 months ago

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      Keri 

      14 months ago

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      Martin 

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      16 months ago

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    • profile image

      Useless 

      17 months ago

      My husband's used to get up earlier now he stays in bed until 11 or 12! He gets up goes in bathroom for a while then to the living room chair! I'll come in to chat with him he all the sudden has to go pee! And he only gets up when a certain person comes! Then he gets happy! It's literally making me sick and not to mention on tje furge to loss my mine!

    • profile image

      Craig 

      17 months ago

      Why is my girlfriend secretive with her phone

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      Vickie Harris 

      17 months ago

      I need help husband is having a text cheating on me .

    • profile image

      Casey Clayton Craig 

      18 months ago

      I'm used to being lied to and cheated on even when I think I'm right I'm always told otherwise even with damning proof and evidence in front of my eyes. I guess I am in an open relationship.

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      Layla Luke 

      19 months ago

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      nathaniel frank 

      19 months ago

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      Scarlett joseph 

      19 months ago

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      Karis Anderson 

      19 months ago from USA

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      Benita 

      19 months ago

      I am not getting much help from this article in my situaltion.... Because and do send me your thoughts please!We lived together 10 years and father of my 5 yo. We moved to a second country together 3 years ago. He is generally a selfsentered person and i have been lobnelily for so long. But he recently broke up because 'he was never in live with me' and he then told me about texting a woman he used to chat with in a group but it was porn related. Anyway so i found myself with his phone and as i never spy unless i feel it... (Have found 2 naked girls chat photos on his email before here and in the other country.) Anyway so i check the text and find remarks like see you in dreamland, wear something skimpy and if you were closer ill stick something in you tonight...

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      Chloe Aiden 

      19 months ago

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      James2655 

      19 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      Zoe Lincoln 

      20 months ago

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      Shelley Forman 

      20 months ago

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      Hannah Anthony 

      20 months ago

      Hi

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      Jessica mall 

      20 months ago

      Hi

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      Nora Owen 

      20 months ago

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      Riley Jayden 

      20 months ago

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      Bobby james o 

      20 months ago

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      Justin Lyla 

      20 months ago

      Hi

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      Velerie 

      20 months ago

      I saw the phone number at a very good time I needed it. My friend had tried someone before bit didn't work out with hacking , I didn't know he did , but when I tried it with Hacknet200 AT GMAIL DOT COM and it worked , I narrated my own story to him that's when I learned that he had tried and failed with some sort of random hackers.

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      Rylee Everett 

      20 months ago

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      Harper Lucas 

      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      Grace samuel 

      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      Keyhole098 

      20 months ago

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      Keyhole098 

      20 months ago

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      Kelvino williams 

      20 months ago

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      jackson smiths 

      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      Huth Morgan 

      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      20 months ago

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      Paul lewiss 

      21 months ago

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      Peter098 

      21 months ago

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      Brady Brook 

      21 months ago

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      Jones gray 

      21 months ago

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      Heather Jon 

      21 months ago

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      Mary gibson 

      21 months ago

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      Moses lake 

      21 months ago

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      Kimberly nick 

      21 months ago

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      Carlo rose 

      21 months ago

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      wanye rose 

      21 months ago

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      21 months ago

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      Clinton Micheal 

      21 months ago

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      21 months ago

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