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Signs Your Significant Other is Texting Someone More Interesting Than You

Updated on February 8, 2015

Who is She Texting?

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You two are sitting there, enjoying whatever you two enjoy, or pretend to enjoy, and your significant other's phone beeps at the sound of a text message.

How he or she responds to that "beep" can tell you whether to be concerned or not.

Since you're not an overbearing boyfriend or girlfriend, you're not going to ask who just texted. But as a normal human being, you are probably going to wonder who it is, especially early on in the relationship.

The following are some signs that you may want to pay attention to. These signs can end up allaying or confirming your potential anxieties worries.

Signs not to Worry if Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend is Texting Someone Else

First you want to notice their body language: How quickly do they check their phone? What expression is on their face and how long does it stay there? Does it gradually fade after the initial reading or does it stay there as they reply.

It's probably nothing if:

  • They maintain the same expression they had prior to the message. If they smile, look at how they smile. If you know your significant other, you should know their smiles because yes, there are varying degrees and yes, they do mean different things. If it's a generic kind of smile, or chuckle, chances are it's just one of their friends or someone completely harmless, or unimportant.
  • They don't respond. If they don't even bother texting back or it's a delayed response, that usually means the person fell under that “unimportant” umbrella.
  • They don't hide the text. If they don't change their angle to you to prevent you from seeing their phone, then they're not concerned about you seeing it. In that case it's very unlikely that they're trying to hide anything from you.
  • They let you handle the phone. If they don't have their phone on them when the message comes (it's in the other room, on the table, wherever) and they ask you to bring it to them, that means they don't care if you see who texted them. Furthermore, it probably means they don't have anything to hide.
  • They share the message. They openly tell you what the message was about or who it was from. Chances are they won't lie about either. If they do, you're worse off than you thought (sorry).

(Piece of advice): Just about everyone is texted by people who vent to them about someone or something. As a natural reaction, the person who's on the listening end will usually relay what they're hearing to someone else (you, if you're around), to not only help make better sense of it but to also tell a story (it gives them a chance to play all-knowing therapist—a role we all love).

I can't even begin to tell you how many times after about six or seven message exchanges between an ex girlfriend of mine and someone else did I hear all about it—all about it. In my experiences, girls are much more likely to get texts from someone who just needs to talk. (Newsflash: girls like to vent to girls [about other girls] and guys open up to girls much more than they do their bros). And that's usually all it is.

So guys, be patient and don't take it too much to head. And if your girl wants to confide in you about the gossip/venting or whatever the girls call it these days, listen. It's important (to them).

When to Worry About Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend's Texting

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While it's generally best to trust your significant other and not act like a jealous fool, sometimes there are some legitimate red flags that come up with regards to their texting habits.

  • Their laugh is different. They laugh, smile, or chuckle in a way that they laugh, smile, or chuckle with you — or used to, anyway. But be careful here though, some people just have a singular laugh that sounds the same for any measure of humor. In that case, just give them a pass. Same goes if they're the type who just laughs at everything because, well, they laugh at everything.
  • They ignore you to respond to the text. If they respond to the message in a very focused manner, appearing oblivious to anything else going on, then that is a bad sign. That whole tidbit about keeping their attention or they'll find someone else who will, yeah, those are words to live by in relationships.
  • They hide the text from you. Changing the angle of their phone to prevent you from seeing it is a huge red flag. Odds are they're not throwing you a surprise party.
  • They hold on to their phone. Instead of returning their phone to where it was prior (pocket, purse, and so on) they keep it in their hand. Again, this could mean nothing: it could be thoughtless or they may actually need the phone to check their email or get directions. Or, it could mean something: they may be expecting another reply and are too excited to get it to put the phone down.
  • They leave the room to text. They text when in another room, then for "some reason" stop when you come. Sometimes this is just a simple gesture of politeness. And sometimes, there's another reason behind it. If your significant other is consistently texting in a manner that is covert and secretive, then that's something you need to think about.
  • They get anxious if they don't have their phone. If you happen to be holding their phone and they hear it receive a text, they grab for it and appear antsy until they get it, especially if you play the "keep-away" game. (Don't play the keep-away game. It's annoying.) You can see a level of discomfort or anxiety on their face when you have their phone. If they never let you have their phone, there's probably a reason. (Really, all it takes is one keep-away game too many and you lose any phone-holding privileges. Or they just have something to hide, that too.)

If one of the above things happen, you can try to divert their attention with questions or conversation. If their body language is passive and disinterested, that may be a sign that they're simply talking to someone more interesting than you which, sadly, could really be no one's fault but your own.

What to Do If Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend is Texting an Ex

But what if you find out it’s an ex they're texting? In that case, and in my opinion, it is entirely appropriate to ask what the ex is talking to them about and why. But keep in mind that how you ask is super important. Ask genuinely and from a place of curiosity, not aggressively like you're accusing him or her something. Believe it or not, some people are still friends with their exes and still do text them from time to time. And believe it or not, it can mean absolutely nothing.

If for some reason, though, you feel your significant other may still be tied to a particular ex in some way, by all means, talk to your partner about it and make sure you both are on the same page. Remember: In any scenario, your approach is everything.

There's no foolproof method to determine if the person they're texting or the subject of those texts is actually a threat to you or your relationship—not without snooping, at least, which I do not recommend.

Honestly, if you're in a relationship where you worry that much about who they're texting, then maybe you two are in the wrong relationship. Or, maybe you just need to get over yourself and stop worrying so damn much.

But if in your heart of hearts it’s actually starting to get to you and is making you genuinely wonder, it's much more productive to make it aware to them and to try to talk about it. Then you have their attention and you can sit down and have an adult conversation about what exactly is bothering you and why. But resort to that sit-down only if it's a recurring issue that you believe is a legitimate cause for concern. Chances are, it’s not.

Be smart, and most of all, trust your partner. At the end of the day, they’re with you, not the person they’re texting. Don't let the simple human nature of insecurity-based jealousy get the best of you. Because when it does, it prevents you from offering your best to your significant other. And that’s unfair to both of you.

Does your partner's texting habits make you wonder?

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    • profile image

      Supdog 3 years ago

      I always seem to get way to over protective when I find out my girlfriend is texting another guy that She likes. She gets mad at me and we fight when I ask her about it. Saying they are just friends. Any help?

    • profile image

      ash 2 years ago

      Just know when amsome girls say we just friends find out by asking the guy his name and what they going on when she bot around like not on her phone .but like online website.

    • profile image

      Joey 2 years ago

      I have a girlfriend who I have caught texting one of her friends(girl) I told her not to talk to my girlfriend cuz she was a bum and was emo as fuck and such. So one day I heard her Facebook ring tone go off. I asked her who it was she said it was one of her friends crista. So I played it off like I believed her and then I took her phone and told her I was gonna play a game. So I went on her Facebook and tried to find out who texted her. And there was nothing. She tried to be slik and delete the message. So I texted her friend cristas number with my girlfriend asking, hey did you just text me on Facebook and she said...... No? Makes me wonder. What do you guys think

    • profile image

      Britt 2 years ago

      Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 months now, and we have had a rough relationship, but recently we have been better than ever. I found out I was pregnant a month and a half into our relationship. The first trimester was definitely no fun for our relationship we fought all the time. About 3 months into it I found out a girl he was talking to what he told me she was just a "friend" multiple times in a way that they shouldn't have been. Not to mention when he went to his hometown a state away from me he hung out with her and some stuff happened. Recently he's been hiding his phone or making sure it's somewhere really close to him, and then when he leaves his snapchat number jumps up tremendously. I feel like he's hiding something... do u think I'm over reacting or what should I do???

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      2 years ago

      He's up to something ,,,, believe me

    • profile image

      sally 13 months ago

      move on he is and has been cheating

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      Kenny 10 months ago

      Am puzzled or rather irritated by my girlfriends texting other people all the time and texting me less or even keeping me on hold for a long time while still online texting, she used to wake me up in the middle of the night and very early in the morning but now she's changed this but I still see her online during the Same time she used to text me and I can't help thinking she is doing the same with someone else it just natural for a man to do so.

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      JoJo 8 months ago

      Ya I caught my soon to be ex girlfriend recently texting 3 different dudes asking them when they would like to meet up and that is considered cheating , she doesnt even know that Ive read all her text messages and Im going to keep it that way. Her actions are what gave her away which caused me to investigate and so my intuition was right . Best way to handle this type of situation is to not react to it , pretend like you dont know anything and plan your exit strategy and get the hell out of dodge . When she ignores your text messages while at the same time attempts to text message the other dudes its time to give the middle finger and bounce.

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      Ryan 7 months ago

      Me and my girlfriend where together for almost 2 years she used to leave her phone lying about not bothered about me seeing anything but that changed I caught her liking guys pictures on Facebook she denied it of course and the guy had messaged her and she didn't let me see it that's when it started going downhill then she starts hiding her phone so one night while she was asleep I looked on her phone and she had messaged a guy and told her friends she didn't want me and wanted to get rid of me so I waited for her to wake up and I packed my stuff and left she was crying but we got back together and then she only wanted to see me twice a week and didn't like me just turning up at the house she was telling me she loves me all time but then all of a sudden dropped me it's been 4 weeks now and we have had no contact what are your thoughts do you think she was cheating on me

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      Breeann 2 months ago

      My current boyfriend and I have had an on off relationship for 10 years. I know we have a love for one another, he just seems to get easily distracted by his ex wife - she starts texting and he makes his phone his priority, I end up asking him questions on why he feels the need to maintain that relationship, they have no children tying them together. He gets mad and leaves, this has happened 3 times in our 10 years. We have recently gotten back together 1 month now, and it started again already... He gets text all the time and says whose texting, but he also starts multiple conversations once that first one comes so he can brush it off as if it's our friends. Once he told me it was one of my friends, so I text her and she didn't respond for 30 minutes, said she had been for her evening walk and didn't carry her phone, I didn't share what he had said or ask questions, she was just explaining the delay in response. Why does he think I am so dumb and can't catch on to his bs. Technology is great for those of us who are honest and trustworthy.

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      Ninja2003 6 weeks ago

      Now a days women have names like janet sue or etc. For contacts in their phone but its james sam or etc for a cover up

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      Scott 5 weeks ago

      Is it weird that after a affair my wife had to want to see her do it in front of me and shair her with another man in a threesome. Sorry just need to know if im a weirdo or not thanks

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