Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. He's seen many people—including himself—get seduced and hurt by love.
Who Is My Boyfriend Texting?
A lot of young women are overly concerned with what their boyfriends are doing on their phones. It's fairly normal to have some degree of insecurity, especially if you have been hurt in the past, but there are times when jealousy can get obsessive.
Having said that, sometimes your gut feeling is there for a reason. Have you discovered that your boyfriend is texting another girl? Did you look over his shoulder and notice that there was a girl's name as the recipient? Did you snoop through his phone and see that he's been talking to another woman? Or are you just very suspicious of his actions?
Signs He's Talking to Another Girl
If you are concerned that your boyfriend may be texting other girls, there are some clear signs to look for in his behavior.
He acts super protective with his phone.
This is a big one because it means he is not comfortable with you looking at his phone. If you try to look something up, he immediately snatches it away, or he is showing you a picture on his phone, and he will keep his hands on it. The fact that he is so insecure about giving up his phone to you is a sign that something is up.
He randomly stops talking to you and acts flaky.
It is concerning if he just drops plans he made with you, or you two are in a text conversation, and he randomly stops replying to you. While it may not mean anything if he continues to have this pattern of behavior, it could be a sign of something deeper going on.
He is always texting someone when you're together.
While it is hard to pry anyone away from their phone in this day and age, if your boyfriend is constantly texting someone every single time you two are spending time together, that could mean he is texting another girl. This type of behavior could be even more telling if he is not texting you very much. The fact that he is constantly texting on his phone means he's capable of texting you more frequently; he just chooses not to.
He gets shifty when asked certain questions.
If he tightens up and gives you one-word answers when you ask him what he did last weekend or what his plans are for later in the week, that could mean he is hiding something from you. Especially if he suddenly started acting this way.
What to Do If You Think Your Boyfriend Is Texting Another Girl
If you still believe that your boyfriend is texting other girls, here are some steps to follow:
- Find out his innocence (or guilt).
- Consider how much you trust his word.
- Think about if you can forgive him if he's not innocent.
- Ask mutual friends for advice.
- Resist the urge to explode at him.
1. Try to Figure Out If He's Innocent
Just because your boyfriend is texting another girl, doesn't mean that he's automatically cheating. If you don't know exactly who the girl is, it's possible that she could have some kind of family relationship with him. Maybe they are friends or coworkers and are discussing completely normal subjects.
Since you're the one who invaded his privacy (and you really shouldn't have), the burden is on you to prove that he's doing anything wrong. If the texts don't seem racy or anything, there's no reason to assume the worst.
Ask him about it. If you've been with him for any period of time, you should be able to tell if he's panicking or lying—unless he's very good at deceiving you. Be honest with him and tell him why you're asking. Don't beat around the bush. Let him know that you feel insecure and that you need some kind of reassurance that he's not trading naked selfies with some other girl.
2. Consider How Much You Trust Him
If your boyfriend has told you that his texting is completely innocent, and you still don't believe him, this speaks volumes. You can't be in a relationship with someone that you don't trust—at least not a relationship that is actually worth it.
If you're going to have to constantly look over your boyfriend's shoulder as he texts his friends, just to make sure that no flirtations are going on, then you should probably reconsider the relationship. No matter what you may have experienced in the past, paranoia is not normal in a relationship.
If you're paranoid and jealous because he has shown himself to be untrustworthy before, either trust him or dump him. If it's because of your own insecurities, discuss the problem with him and think about possibly seeking outside help so that you can get over that kind of toxic mindset.
3. Think About Whether You Can Forgive Him If He's Not Innocent
You may be so caught up in trying to see who your boyfriend is texting that you forgot to think things all the way through: if it does turn out that your boyfriend is texting another girl in a flirtatious way, what will you do about it?
Can you really forgive him and learn to move on from it? Does it depend on the degree that your boyfriend was flirting with her? Does that even matter? Where do you draw the line?
Ask yourself all these questions before you waste too much mental and emotional energy in the situation. If you know for sure that you're the kind of person who could never get over your boyfriend texting another girl with lust on his mind, then what's the point in moving forward? Call your boyfriend and tell him it's over.
If you haven't yet concluded whether or not you think he's guilty of sending raunchy texts because the evidence is nil, this is still something worth considering. Decide what you're going to do now, because when the moment of confrontation comes, you may be too emotional to think clearly.
4. Ask Mutual Friends for Advice
If you happen to have caught the name of the girl he was texting, you may be able to ask around to see who she is. This might help you get closer to the truth, and you can also feel relief if it turns out to be his third cousin or something.
On the other hand, if your friends are warning you about your boyfriend and telling you that he is texting another girl with bad intentions, take their advice seriously. They can see the situation from an outside perspective, so they are likely to be more objective about it than you.
Ratting Him Out
5. Resist the Urge to Explode at Him
No matter what you end up finding out, try not to explode at him or yell. If your boyfriend has been texting another girl with the intent to cheat, then it's time to break it off, plain and simple. There's no need to make it dramatic. Trying to retaliate or hurt him will just make things worse, and the sooner you can get past this stage and out of the relationship, the better.
Is There a Chance to Salvage the Relationship?
If you're not in an open relationship and you find out that he's been seeing other women behind your back, it's going to be hard to rebuild that trust again. Some people can rebuild it, but this is a minority of couples.
It's probably best to just move on and try to learn from the relationship. What could you do next time to avoid dating someone who will cheat?
It might hurt now to realize that someone you trusted completely disregarded you, but it's better that you found out now rather than years down the line. The sooner he shows his true colors, the better. In a sense, you could say that your boyfriend did you a favor by texting another girl and getting caught.
Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating on You
While we all do not want to believe it, there are some instances where your boyfriend is cheating on you with another woman. If this is the case, there will be some tell-tale signs that he will give off that will clue you into his infidelity.
- Need for privacy and secrecy: If he refuses to answer your questions and talks about how he needs privacy and along time constantly, that could mean he is seeing someone else, and he does not want you to find out.
- Picks fights: While arguments happen, it is a concerning sign if your boyfriend starts picking fights with you, especially if they are over trivial things. His combative stance is a sign that there is something going on that is causing him to lash out at you.
- Lies to you: This is a big red flag. If you discover he has been lying to you, that means he does not trust you, and it is likely that he has been lying about other things as well.
- Stops being intimate with you: If he stops having intimate moments with you and rejects your advances, that is a big sign that he does not find you as attractive as he did before. While it does not automatically mean he is cheating on you, a sudden drop off in intimate moments is alarming.
- Accuses you of cheating: Your boyfriend may be looking for a way out of the relationship, which could cause him to accuse you of cheating. Instead of owning up to his mistakes, he tries to pin it on you.
My Boyfriend Is Texting His Ex! What Do I Do?
If you find out that it's his ex that he's been talking to, then this is a more complicated situation. This is someone who he had a romantic connection with in the past, after all. Depending on how things ended, he might be tempted to rekindle the flame.
Some people can be friends with their former partners, and some people can't. If your boyfriend seems mature enough that he would be able to maintain a normal friendship with his ex, then you probably don't need to worry about it unless there are obvious signs that he's trying to get back with her.
On the other hand, if you know that your boyfriend still carries a torch for his old girlfriend, then you might want to have a serious discussion with him. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the exchanges. If he cares about your relationship, he'll at least listen.
What About Yourself?
Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? When You're Not Sure
Of course, there are also those instances where you might not be sure in the first place whether your boyfriend is texting another woman or not. You might have no idea who he's texting, but you just have a gut feeling that it's another girl.
In times like these when you might be tempted to see who your boyfriend is texting by snooping through his contacts and text threads, you need to apply some self-control. Spying on your boyfriend is a bad idea.
It means that you are invading his privacy and that you don't trust him at all. If he's done nothing to deserve this distrust, you shouldn't be snooping. And as we discussed before, if he has earned your distrust by being shady in the past, then you might consider dumping him and finding someone who won't betray you.
What to Do If Your Boyfriend Is Lying to You
Lying to your significant other is a serious problem, and if your boyfriend has not been telling you the truth, there are some steps you have to take. Putting up with lying in a relationship is not healthy.
Calmly confront him about why he has been lying. Don't appear angry, just be upfront and direct.
Make it clear that you do not tolerate being lied to.
Tell him as clearly and plainly as possible that you will not be lied to and that by lying to you, he has significantly damaged the relationship.
Talk about the reasons why he lied.
Have an honest conversation with him where the two of you go over the reasons that made him lie to you. It is then up to you to decide if you believe the reasons he has given you and whether or not you want to forgive him.
Look at the context of the lie.
Take a look at the context surrounding the lie: was he trying to protect you? Or was he trying to get away with doing something very wrong? Examine how his lies fit into the greater context of your relationship.
Walk away from the relationship.
Depending on the level of severity, you may have to be the one to decide to walk away and end the relationship. Breaking someone's trust is a major violation, and it is hard to repair that.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: My boyfriend is talking with other girls, and when I asked him, he refused to tell me. Now he wants a time gap in our relationship. What should I do?
Answer: You say, "Oh, you want to break up? Yeah, I totally understand." No point in arguing over it. If he comes back to you, he will on his own.
Question: Is it okay for me to get mad if my boyfriend is calling some girl "bae" and saying he loves her?
Answer: You don't need anybody's permission to get mad; but there's no real point in being mad. Getting mad won't change the fact that he's been trying to woo some other girl. If cheating bothers you, I suggest considering a breakup.
Question: I found out that my boyfriend has been messaging another girl on Kik, telling her that he lives and sleeps alone when clearly we live together and we do sleep in the same bed. He even asked her if he could live with her. Is this a sign that I should be very worried? How should I approach the subject?
Answer: You can approach the subject by breaking up with him. Clearly, he either intends on leaving and didn't have the courage to inform you, or else he was intending on stringing this other girl along and cheating. Every situation is different, but if he was doing that, it's going to take A LOT of energy to rebuild trust again (from the both of you), and even then you'll probably always be a little suspicious of him. Is this the kind of relationship you really want?
Question: I found out that my boyfriend is on a dating site, and started to message this one girl. The conversation lasted about two days, and when they were going to meet, he flaked out. This conversation happened over a month ago, and I don't know what to do from here on out. We live together and have bills together. What do I do?
Answer: Well, it depends on whether or not you're willing to forgive him for trying to cheat. How do you know he "flaked out"? Did he tell you that? He may have flaked, but flaking is common with online dating, especially if he needs more time to get over his guilt.
The fact of the matter is that he was seriously considering cheating on you, to the point where he contacted someone to do it with. Next time, he might not flake. Are you okay with that?
Maybe you live together, and maybe you have bills together, but is that really a good reason to stay with someone who cheats? If you're okay with his cheating, then that's a different story, but clearly, you're not, or else you wouldn't be asking about this.
After knowing that he tried to cheat, can you really be 100% committed to this relationship ever again? Can you move on without that doubt always creeping around in the back of your mind? Can you 100% forgive him?
If the answer is "no," then I would say you should break up. A relationship where you can't trust the other person will just lead to endless cycles of paranoia. Why waste your time on something you're not completely committed to?
Question: My boyfriend wants more kids with another woman because I can't have any. Is that selfish of him?
Answer: It's not about being selfish; it's more about each person's individual goals and desires. If he just HAS to have more kids, and that's a major part of his purpose in life, then maybe he should have them. Are you okay with that?
There's no reason why we have to follow society's rigid standards on this. There's nothing inherently wrong with him having kids with another woman, as long as you're okay with it.
Or have you considered adopting children together? That's also possible.
Have a conversation with him about it. Instead of focusing on whether something is selfish or not (when it comes to either of your desires), try to make a plan so that everyone is happy and has all their needs met.
If there's no way to do that and you would never be happy with him impregnating another woman, then maybe you need to think about breaking up.
Question: My boyfriend has been texting his co-worker, and she sent him something stating her desire for sex. I haven’t confronted him yet. How do I start it off?
Answer: It may be hard, but try to keep your emotions in check and present him simply with the facts. Tell him that you know what his co-worker said and that it concerns you.
If this woman already intends to jump into bed with him, they've probably done other stuff already. Usually, people don't just say, "Hey, wanna do it?" just out of the blue. There's stuff leading up to it. In other words, he may have already cheated.
Ask him about it. If he gets angry, it might be justified if you violated his privacy to read the text. Still, try to keep things on topic if you can, no matter how much he tries to change the subject.
This may sound crazy, but try not to be judgmental or accusatory. Just listen to what he has to say, and he's more likely to just come out with the truth. You can yell and get excited later, but right now you just want to know the truth, so show him that he doesn't need to be defensive about it.
You can say something like, "Hey, I know that sometimes temptation can be hard to resist, but have you been seeing this lady? It's okay. I just want the truth. It's normal to be attracted to other people sometimes, but it's hard to have a relationship if we're not honest with each other, right?"
That kind of thing. Once you get the truth out of him, then you can do what you like with it. I would say to break up with a cheater, but that's up to you.
Question: I recently found out that my boyfriend is on a dating site. He has been messaging girls and having conversations on the regular. He says he’s single and that he would love to take them out. I’m pretty sure this hasn’t happened yet. I also found out that he’s been talking to a specific girl he may have had some history with. They talk almost every day. She sends him pictures of herself. He is aware I have found out, and I’m meeting with him tonight to talk. What are some questions I need to ask?
Answer: There's no need to ask questions in a case like that. Except maybe, "So, did you leave any stuff at my place? 'Cause you should take it now."
© 2017 Jorge Vamos
Hailey on April 04, 2019:
My boyfriend has been texting another good friend which is a girl daily, is there anything I need to worry about? He told me they are just good friends and nothing fishy is going on
Joicy on March 26, 2019:
I have been witg my boyfriend and and now i have many thoughts about him and i dont trust him i dont know,why do my boyfriend angry when i talk about the relationship? yet he still talks about marrying me
Joicy on March 26, 2019:
I have been witg my boyfriend and and now i have many thoughts about him and i dont trust him i dont know,why do my boyfriend angry when i talk about the relationship? yet he still talks about marrying me
2nd chance on March 22, 2019:
My boyfriend was exchanging explicit pics with other women thru messages, I confronted him, we took some time apart, he said he wanted to work things out, w sat to talk about it he denies he did anything wrong and said his ex was the one sending him pics, but there were several pics of different women, he got pissed, I ignored it, I gave up my apartment sold my furniture to move in with him, I have no where to go, what can I do???i know he hasn’t stopped
Reneemcconnell on January 20, 2019:
My boyfriend paul mcconnell jr .is 54 years old and is talking to a girl by the name of marie mary mrgan age 30.ive told her to quite telling my old man she loveshim and she misses him everyday and she lives half way across the united states what should i do
jay on November 06, 2018:
want to know if my girlfriend is cheating on me,and i want to know if theres anything i can do, to keep her all to myself,even now that i dont have money..???
customers on October 10, 2018:
What are you doing
Tracy on September 24, 2018:
I found a text message on my partner's phone after 11 pm on a Saturday texting a girl saying he will come now but she responded I have a booking 45 min , obviously he couldn't wait that long because he came back home then he responded I will see you tomorrow baby. We have been together for over 10 years and have a child together.
Kristina on September 02, 2018:
My boyfriend asked if he can have my facebook account details and said he wants me to have his. I didn't like the idea but oh well I agreed because it seemed to him as I have something to hide from him if I say no. Lol it was really stupid. Firstly, he read my messages and was like pfff nothing interesting. Then he told me to go through his conversations if I like to and.... I think I was stuck there for like 5 hours. Couldn't even count how many girls he texts to. He sends kisses and hearts and other flirty emojis and says he loves them. I found a few sexual messages as well. I was really confused. My first question was if he even thinks we're exclusive to eachother. He said of course. I said what I've found on his facebook makes me feel very insecure and I didn't expect he would do this. I told him that it's over for us as I dont want to be just a one of many and don't think it's normal. He swore he'll never text anyone again and said he never paid attention to it and never thought it will make me feel this way, begged for pardon and deleted all girls from his friendlist. I guess I'm still going to break up and find someone more mature .-.
Elu on July 18, 2018:
I wish to share my story with you guys. I met Michael Tavez shortly before i was to tie the knots with my ex-fiancé, he helped me run a background check on him, it turned out he’s an ex-con and again when my Son turned 18, i had his cell phone tapped and his location monitored. He is good at background checks, monitoring locations, cell phone tapping hacking of social media accounts (Facebook, whatsapp , emails e.t.c Well if you need a general purpose hacker I suggest you contact him through his contact spymasterpro3x a t g m a i l dot c o m provides proof of legitimacy. I took my time to type this because i know how it feels when you need answers but don’t know how to go about it.
madia sy on July 15, 2018:
you dont always need to be jeolus just let them him be by his self
Sharla Hamilton on July 12, 2018:
I have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year. Recently I noticed him texting someone he rarely texts when we are together and if he does he tells me who. Anyway he seems distance, I know I was wrong for looking on his phone but I saw a woman's name I didn't know so I clicked on it. Their conversation was flirty, nothing sexual but why does he need to text her and flirt. She wanted to know when he was going to ask her out. Nothing said about a girlfriend.Also she works where he does so I take it they see each other every day.I know nothing else is going on because he is home all the time. I have been making comments about commitments and if he ever wants out to let me know. And he says know, I love you, I am good, but how can you be good if you are doing this.Should I tell him I saw the text or leave it alone. I think he knows I saw it but won't say anything because he is guilty too. Just need to know to I let it go and see where it goes or tell him?
TM on July 07, 2018:
I'm not sure if my online bf likes me or my sister. He compliment's me and her about the same when we both are on cam,and also compliment's me when I'm just on cam. Yesterday, they had a sex conversation talking about what they would do in sex, and he said in one of the text's he sent to her, "I won't tell" about the conversation they had about sex. He told me he doesn't text anyone but me and my sister, but he suddenly has 21 girl's on his friends list, and adds more. I'm getting really confused. The same day he did that with my sister, he told me that he loved me before we got off, so I told him I loved him more, and he said "you can't". So it's twisting my mind to whether he likes my sister or me. From my opinion, I think he likes us both the same. I just need someone else's opinion.
June on July 01, 2018:
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend since May of last year. I'm a little jealous of he exes because she's still in good terms with them. I don't stop her, but I do voice my concerns when she goes out with them one-on-one. My conditions were simple, she just had to let them know she was in a relationship. However, she didn't tell any of them that she was in a relationship (probably because this is her first same-sex relationship). I understood that, but said she could just be vague and not mention a gender. But within the first few months of our relationship, this guy she used to date kissed her. Of course, she said she pushed him off and we figured things out from there. But there was this other ex that she would always smoke with. At one point, I started getting upset because they would hang out often and so she kept it a secret from me. I realized I was getting too controlling so after a huge argument, we agreed on me being less controlling and working on my jealousy and her working on her sexuality and letting people know she's at least taken. It was woking really well for us and for months our relationship was perfect. We never argued and we were just fully loving. But just recently (February) I snooped through her text messages. Although I've never done it before, I had a feeling something was going on. And lo and behold, she's been texting this girl she went on a couple of dates with. The messages were on and off and lasting for months. They consisted of "I want you" and "I miss touching you". I tried to break it off with her, but she cried buckets and swore she was just messaging her because she was bored and how she regrets it and that they've never actually met up. Long story short, I forgave her and we tried to salvage the relationship. She's been patient and apologetic since then and very loving. However, I've been more controlling. i figured since I caught her just by looking through her texts once, there may be more secrets I didn't know about. Then, I saw text messages with this other ex she had. The messages were subtly flirtatious. Lots of smirky face emojis and "you know me so well". I confronted her about it and she said it won't happen again and deleted the messages. When I looked through her IG messages and snapchat, I realize this same ex has always been flirting and hitting her up saying shit like, "hey, cutie" or heart eyes. But she hasn't said anything to him that she's taken or told me about it. Instead, she keeps being friendly with him. And just a few days ago (GRANTED ON MY BIRTHDAY), I found messages on her IG talking to that same girl she texted a few months ago. They messages were in the span of a few days and was only slightly flirty. It was just them discussing plans to hang out and her using an excessive amount of emojis and stuff like that. I tried ending it with her after I found those messages, but she promised me she would never do it again. She told me she loves me more than anything else and how she doesn't know why she does these things. She said if she does it again, I can break up with her but she begged me to say. She said she'd work on herself and is actually taking active steps to do so. She messaged the girl, the ex guy and this other guy she used to date that hit her up and told them that she was taken. I'm still emotionally battered from all of this and my trust in her is minimal. BUT I do love her a lot and no one makes me happy like her. She's making active changes. Do you think things will get better from here? Or am I just a fool for believing in her/us?
Jk Rowling said on June 24, 2018:
So I’ve been with this guy for almost a year but when we turned 5 months of being together he had drunk texted another girl and I mean like really bad I had found this text a couple weeks later and confronted him about it and after that he changed his whole perspective and he hasn’t done it since and he removed his social media but she was an ex what should I do?? I’ve been thinking about it and it’s always in the back of my mind
Shan12boo on June 13, 2018:
Hi am shan, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4years and he continuously text other female. Recently I travel for vocation and family and friends has been calling me to let me know that he has been seen with someone else. I asked about it and he said its not true, so recently I received a message from someone claiming to be his new girlfriend. What should I do?. he has realized his mistake an is asking for forgiveness.need help please.
MITAA on May 25, 2018:
Hi sir im mitaa here..just want to share my problems..i did every thing for my boyfriend whatever he ask i did it.but he always avoid me scold me in the words which i rally feels so hurt.3 years im loving him there are no happiness moment in my love life.i love him truly but i dont think so he is doing the same.now he is talking to another 4 girls one of them is his ex girlfriend.i dont know what to do.feel so pain
Cakefacebitch on May 16, 2018:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU GIRLS COMMENTING ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIENDS. IT'S EITHER SO OBVIOUS AND YOU'RE IN DENIAL, YOU'RE VERY UNINTELLIGENT OR LACK COMMON SENSE, OR HE IS A NARCISSIST WHO HAS DONE AN AMAZING JOB MANIPULATING AND BRAINWASHING YOU AND YOU ARE A VICTIM OF HIS ABUSE. YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE IT IS AND ULTIMATELY MAKE A BIG DECISION. THE DECISION IS WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN ACCEPT HIS CURRENT BEHAVIOR EITHER CONTINUING HOW IT IS NOW FOR THE REST OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, OR IT GETTING EVEN WORSE BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU WILL ACCEPT IT AND STAY WITH HIM EVEN SO.
Cakefacebitch on May 16, 2018:
LINA, are you kidding me? BREAK UP WITH HIM. He sounds like a narcissist. And could very well be cheating on you. If he's not physically cheating on you, he's obviously doing it in his mind. I'm hoping you're either really young, otherwise you're extremely naive, in denial, or you do not have much common sense. Well, common sense doesn't seem all that common these days, especially with younger people (under 25). So I wouldn't be surprised. But for your sake, and to prevent further pain and heartache that I KNOW you are feeling, stop seeing this selfish prick. Tell him if she's so great, then go ahead and be with her, because you're not going to accept that. If you continue allowing him to do these things, it will only end with you devastated and regretting having stayed with him. Not to mention, it could very well affect any or all future relationships you might have in a negative way.
Cakefacebitch on May 16, 2018:
LINA, are you kidding me? BREAK UP WITH HIM. He sounds like a narcissist. And could very well be cheating on you. If he's not physically cheating on you, he's obviously doing it in his mind. I'm hoping you're either really young, otherwise you're extremely naive, in denial, or you do not have much common sense. Well, common sense doesn't seem all that common these days, especially with younger people (under 25). So I wouldn't be surprised.
Lina on April 26, 2018:
My boyfriend is really flirty with other girls and when I said it makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure, he said that I have to accept it because it's his nature.
There was this one girl he used to text saying he loves her and sent kisses. He claimed she is his friend and they joke around. I have also seen him text his friends talking about the types of sexy snaps she sent him. Therefore, I felt really jealous and insecure about them talking. There was one time he texted her but deleted their texts and we had a fight about it. If there was nothing to hide why would he delete them?
We had a fight last Saturday and I wasn't talking to him as I was mad. But then we started talking Sunday night. Later I found out he started chatting with her on snapchat during the time we fell out. I don't know what they talked about but I'm pretty sure he flirted. He said he "jokes" with her but why can't he consider how I feel when he flirts with other girls?
Asp on March 31, 2018:
I caught him texting another woman and asking her to hang out. He admitted to it. I am destroyed.. 17 years and 2 kids together. Fresh new baby as well..... I feel lost....... what do I do?
Gg on March 20, 2018:
I have a boyfriend where he admitted to me after I caught him texting all these other different women and he said he’ll continue to do it cause it’s entertaining to him and I know for sure he has not physically because I’m with him majority of the time but I’m scared he will eventually will and recently i found out he aslo likes looking at trans- sexual porn and I don’t know how to talk to him or how I feel when I’m around him I don’t know weather to me mad, sad, understanding if it is just a sexual thing please help
Katrina Tait on March 17, 2018:
I believe my boyfriend is cheating on me. Because he is always...! In his phone. Texting while he is exposed.Which I am talking about necked...! We don't have sex like we use too...! Its not the same...! He been trying to do different...! Poison's. Too have sex we never did that. Our way is sideways. Position. Nothing else he wanted me too have sex with him my back toward him. With my booty faced him...! We never did that. I believe he tried it with someone else.
Lindsey on March 08, 2018:
Anita, no need to look. You have listed more reasons to leave him than what could possibly be on his phone. Leave and don't look back.
Anita jeffers on March 08, 2018:
I live with my boyfriend. I've caught him several times in the last year texting other women sexual text. It's hey baby, I want some, I miss you, I love you, and hey sexy, hey beautiful, and just recently, one of those women he's known for quite awhile they text back and forth for 30 minutes, and then he deleted all of them, and the explanation was I don't know anything about deleting text. That day he did that was when my girlfriend had flown in from Texas to spend 4 days with me and this happened on a Wednesday, which is the day she gets off at 12 noon.They began texting at 11:30 am and stopped at 12 noon, then he deleted them all. He told me that when I go looking for trouble, I'll find it, another words, he indirectly blamed me for what I found on his phone. He left his phone here today by accident, should I look at it again? I believe he's a liar, many times over and he's been abusive to me many times. I need advice please, before he returns home in two hours.He is a Hispanic illegal immigrant,alcoholic, gambling addicted person. Please help me, I don't know why I love him, sometimes he's good to me,i'm 14 years older than him, I suppose I'm insecure, especially after all he's done to me. Please get back with me before he gets home, if I look in his phone and find he's lied and doing it again, I'll leave, and never look back, but if I don't look at his phone, then I may never get this opportunity again to where he leaves his phone at home. Please help soon.
Rein on March 01, 2018:
I've been with my bf for over 2 years now and he's done such things in the past and I forgave him. It took me a while to get over it but it just made me trust him less, but at the same time, I still feel that I trust him the same amount (if that makes sense). We've broken up before because of this issue and got back together, and he says the texts were innocent, so I let it go and if we wanted this to really work I would "take his word for it" and I wouldn't accuse him of anything. As time went on, his phone would go off in the middle of the night but he wouldn't look at it until I was fully asleep and away from me. It would go off early in the morning too (8am) and he would tell me it's his coworkers letting him know they're are taking the day off. Lastly, when he changed his phone, everything in his old phone transferred to the new one and I asked for it; and he did it gladly. I looked at his gallery and saw pictures of us and his kids, and women I've never seen before. He claimed they were women BEFORE OUR TIME. I still wonder if this is true; however I'm guilty for using that same lie. I'm at that point where I don't care. I can't control him. I can't tell him what to do. It's taken a lot of emotional stress and energy to try and keep up with him and our relationship that I've been putting it on auto-pilot. So far, nothing bad has happened; just all good. No arguments, no accusations. Am I wrong for this or is this normal? I'm just rolling with the punches and figured not every one is perfect.
Jibaro on February 04, 2018:
Krystal, get a life. Either you accept his behavior, not his words, and look to the other side or finish the relation and take the highway.
It is your choice!
Krystal on February 03, 2018:
I have been with my boyfriend for four years and lived with him for three years. He has recently got a new job and he went out with his work friends for a meal. A few weeks after the meal he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore and asked me to move out. However we were never officially over and we still acted as if we were together but going through a rough patch in the relationship. Next, a month has passed and I asked to talk to him face to face about our relationship. So I drove to his work and caught him in his car with a girl from his work. He tells me that he was breaking it off with her because he wants Me. I really don't think i can forgive him but I also am stuck in what to do. I believe I will never know the whole truth of what happened between them and he still works at the same place and sees her all the time at work. I need some advice?
Kenzie on January 21, 2018:
Ok so I notice on Instagram that my boyfriend followed this one girl and I didn’t really think much of it but then when he came to my house this past Friday her name popped up from iMessages and I asked who she was but he said I don’t even know. The thing is if he doesn’t know who she is then how did she get his number. I just don’t really know what to do though I really like him a lot but it just hurts my heart to even think that he would do that.
Mona Lucas on January 21, 2018:
What do I do?? My B/F texts this female for hours on end a day..but lies to me and say he is not and the reason I know this his phone bill comes to my e-mail each month.
There are four to five females that he does this with and if it's not texts its call.
Have confront him and its the same lie "baby I don't or yes but it's we are exchange HRU greetings come on for hours on end..
How can one text for hours at one sitting
Jibaro on January 15, 2018:
You get into my Cell and you are simply out! There is no second chances. You star getting jealousy rages, you are out! No second chances. If you want to have top notch material, Centerfold Quality, you will have to learn to behave properly and that means that other people will look at your partner, will tease your partner, will woo your partner and maybe your partner will ditch you or you will ditch your partner. After he or she have left be thankful that:
1- You were able to enjoy such booty!
2-Feel great because of the departure. the person was not worthy of you!
Sam on January 13, 2018:
what if he is talking with the girl for hours on the phone and he doesn't talk to you like that and also doesn't care. when he talks to her and you come in to the room and he change the way he talk to her .but this girl has a boyfriend and he tells her that if she has any thing she needs help he will be there. but why doesn't she call her boyfriend instead.
Anna on January 11, 2018:
My bf texts this girl whom he met at some b'day party. That girl kinda started flirting first with some 'kiss' emojis and my bf also then started flirting her. I think he has a crush on her but he says that 'it was a long time back, she has a bf now' but it was when we were already in a relationship...what do i do?
Louise on January 08, 2018:
I think if you are uncomfortable that you feel that your partner is texting another woman constantly than you should politely bring it up and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. Make sure of course that it isn't a member of his family or a friend/co-worker that he only texts occasionally. However if your bf is texting another woman constantly that is not his family you have every right to feel uncomfortable and bring it up with him politely.
lau on January 06, 2018:
my bf is texting a girl that likes him but he told me tho and he told me he makes her laugh and they text more with her than me but it really makes me jealous and it makes me cry cause i think he is gonna dump me to be with her, what do i do
Wendy on December 28, 2017:
My boyfriend text other women and ask them to come over. Not right ?!
Nie on December 26, 2017:
My boyfriend when I text he didn’t response And also I call he didn’t answer is there possibility that he. Cheat
lizzy on December 19, 2017:
My bf and I have been together for a short period, 2 years and have lived together for 1. Combined we have 4 children. 2 from my previous marriage and 2 from his. In my previous marriage we divorced because if infidelity, because of that I every so often check my current bf phone. He was out of town for work and when he came back I checked his phone. He was texting a person he met while out of town, kinda flirty but not full on. He said nothing happened . But this is the 3rd time I catch him in our time living together. He said he loves me and is happy with me and our relationship but sometimes finds it difficult when all the kids are home and feels overwhelmed. He said he does to seek attention. My heart loves him and i adore his kids, but my logic tells me to run...confused.
Kay on November 26, 2017:
The other night I saw my boyfriend texting another girl. I have tried to play it off as nothing. But this morning I had to know for sure. The text that was sent said " do you want to try anything new on Tuesday night" what do I do???
Corrine Torres on November 08, 2017:
I caught my man texting girls on his phone then this one girl keeps calling him I picked up twice I am so confused not shure what to do please help
lily on November 03, 2017:
being with him for ONLY 6 months does not mean much in relationship
mistake 1: he told you he has problem with women and you don't listen
mistake 2: you don't listen to your peers or friends who advise you to leave him
mistake 3: you want to change him?
He does not take you serious honey. He will replace you someday and by that time you will blame yourself for not seeing that and then hate him more for it.
well, hang in there then....good luck.
If someone really respect you and loves you and appreciate you he would not do that - text to so many women and said they are beautiful...etc...RED FLAGS. get out. You will be so happy realize you do the right thing and don't regret. Be smart and strong girl -
Ahana choudhury on October 30, 2017:
if a boy is texting with other girl and at the same time he is saying it to her girlfriend what does it mean
Nicole on October 03, 2017:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and we are the best couple ever we live together, we work together, we do everything together, however he Texts other girls...I know about it because I read the messages. He text well over 8 different girls and it's not just Flirty, he called them babe and beautiful but he's never actually went out and cheated on me with one of these girls just texted them. He knows I know, but all he says is "babe you know I have a problem with women" sometimes we fight a little and I forgive him. He's done this to me several times before and says the same thing every time. I've asked him how could I help and he just says I don't know. I've asked friends for advice before but all they tell me is to leave him, I can't do that. I can't leave someone I love...I just need to know how to fix him or help him. I want it to be just us no one else. What do I do? Please help...
Desiree on August 23, 2017:
So me and my boyfriend have been together since 2015. We have been on and off for a while. The last time that We were actually on good terms was probably in June. All of a sudden he changed his password and secretly had a Snapchat account behind my back with the loads of females. All of a sudden he started bringing up his ex girlfriend whenever we argue. He tells me that if he could , he would leave me for her . He tells me a lot of stupid shit. What do I do? I love him and I been with him for a while. I don't wanna let go of him. Please help !
Jorge Vamos (author) on July 28, 2017:
Well, Amanda, since I don't know the details of your relationship and its ups and downs over 9 years, I can't say for sure whether you should leave or stay. Sometimes relationships can be rebuilt after breaches of trust, but often it's difficult if the trust has been broken more than once. It's up to you whether this is a deal-breaker or not.
I will say this, however: Whether you think his excuse is believable or not, it is more troubling if the excuse IS true than if it isn't.
If his self-esteem is so low that he can't stop himself from trolling for attention even though it threatens his relationship of almost a decade, then personally I don't think he has any business being in a relationship in the first place. You have to be happy with yourself before you drag someone else into your life.
Furthermore, his excuse is just that: an excuse. A poor excuse, at that. From what you've said (that he did it twice), it seems that he either has very little self-control or he doesn't care what you think and is only concerned about getting caught.
Either way, that's a recipe for his doing it again. Ask yourself (and him): What's stopping him from just doing it again? You already caught him twice. What's different this time?
For all you know, he could have done this many times before and you only just happened to catch him twice. As far as physically acting on it--he may have, or he may have not. He may have just not had the opportunity...yet.
People who send lewd messages to each other usually have a certain goal in mind, even if it's subconscious. They may not consciously think about it, they may just tell themselves it's "just for fun." After something physical happens, they say, "Oh, it just happened. I didn't expect it to go so far. One thing led to another."
A person who doesn't want to do this won't send messages like that in the first place. You know him well by now; it's been 9 years.
Ask yourself: If one of these people invited him to meet and he had the opportunity to cheat on you very easily with someone very attractive without getting caught, would he take the offer?
Probably most people who are texting other people saucy messages would. Then the question becomes whether you want to spend the rest of the relationship being extra vigilant of his behavior.
Amanda on July 28, 2017:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 9 years now and have lived together for 8 of those years. I recently caught him texting someone and threatened to end the relationship as this is the 2nd time I have caught him. Now we are in this relationship limbo. I am very upset and am contemplating leaving the relationship and he is crying, begging, pleading for me not to end it. His explanation for his actions is that getting the attention from other people gives him a sense of self-worth and value. He swears that he has never had any physical contact with any of these people and that the conversations are initiated through instagram. My question is what do you think I should do? I am 31 years old and have been with this person since I was 22. We have built a life together but the trust has been broken. Do you think its a smart choice to work through these issues of cut ties?
Jorge Vamos (author) on July 19, 2017:
Tough situation. The only thing I can really say is that if you don't have the "title" and haven't discussed being in a relationship with him, then he probably feels like he has the freedom to text anyone he wants. Why would he decide to commit to you on his own when it hasn't been discussed overtly? Most of us don't give up our freedom that easily. :P
It's best not to just assume that he feels the same way you do--that you're "dating exclusively." From his perspective, it might be totally different! That's why I would suggest bringing it out in the open and being honest with him about your thoughts. Usually guys don't do well with hints; we need you to be really, really obvious.
Hudy on July 19, 2017:
This guy and me are dating exclusivly, basically without the actual "title" and he is texting one of my friends. I think they are flirty, and he definetly texts her more than he texts me. What should I do?