Is Your Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? 5 Things You Should Do Right Now

Updated on June 19, 2017
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After seeing many friends (or himself) seduced by love, only to crash and burn afterwards, Jorge writes advice based on his observations.

Who Is My Boyfriend Texting?

A lot of young women are overly concerned with what their boyfriends are doing on their phones. It's fairly normal to have some degree of insecurity, especially if you have been hurt in the past, but there are times when jealously can get obsessive.

Having said that, sometimes your gut feeling is there for a reason. Have you discovered that your boyfriend is texting another girl? Did you look over his shoulder and notice that there was a girl's name as the recipient? Did you snoop through his phone and see that he's been talking to another woman?

Here's what you should do before anything else:

Is your boyfriend texting another woman? Is that "other woman" his mom?
Is your boyfriend texting another woman? Is that "other woman" his mom?

1) Try to Figure Out If He's Innocent

Just because your boyfriend is texting another girl, doesn't mean that he's automatically cheating. If you don't know exactly who the girl is, it's possible that she could have some kind of family relationship with him. Maybe they are friends or coworkers and are discussing completely normal subjects.

Since you're the one who invaded his privacy (and you really shouldn't have), the burden is on you to prove that he's doing anything wrong. If the texts don't seem racy or anything, there's no reason to assume the worst.

Ask him about it. If you've been with him for any period of time, you should be able to tell if he's panicking or lying--unless he's very good at deceiving you. Be honest with him and tell him why you're asking. Don't beat around the bush. Let him know that you feel insecure and that you need some kind of reassurance that he's not trading naked selfies with some other girl.

2) Consider How Much You Trust Him

If your boyfriend has told you that his texting is completely innocent, and you still don't believe him, this speaks volumes. You can't be in a relationship with someone that you don't trust--at least not a relationship that is actually worth it.

If you're going to have to constantly look over your boyfriend's shoulder as he texts his friends, just to make sure that no flirtations are going on, then you should probably reconsider the relationship. No matter what you may have experienced in the past, paranoia is not normal in a relationship.

If you're paranoid and jealous because he has shown himself to be untrustworthy before, either trust him or dump him. If it's because of your own insecurities without any foundation, discuss the problem with him and think about possibly seeking outside help so that you can get over that kind of toxic mindset.

Do you trust your man?
Do you trust your man?

3) Think About Whether You Can Forgive Him If He's Not Innocent

You may be all caught up trying to see who your boyfriend is texting, enough that you forgot to think it all the way through: If it does turn out that your boyfriend is texting another girl in a flirtatious way, what will you do about it?

Can you really forgive him and learn to move on from it? Does it depend on the degree that your boyfriend was flirting with her? Does that even matter? Where do you draw the line?

Ask yourself all these questions before you waste too much mental and emotional energy in the situation. If you know for sure that you're the kind of person who could never get over your boyfriend texting another girl with lust on his mind, then what's the point in moving forward? Call your boyfriend and tell him it's over.

If you haven't yet concluded whether or not you think he's guilty of sending raunchy texts because the evidence is nil, this is still something worth considering. Decide what you're going to do now, because when the moment of confrontation comes, you may be too emotional to think clearly.

4) Ask Mutual Friends For Advice

If you happen to have caught the name of the girl he was texting, you may be able to ask around to see who she is. This might help you get closer to the truth, and you can also feel relief if it turns out to be his third cousin or something.

On the other hand, if your friends are warning you about your boyfriend and telling you that he is texting another girl with bad intentions, take their advice seriously. They can see the situation from an outside perspective, so they are likely to be more objective about it than you.

Ratting Him Out

Have your friends ever told you that your partner was sneaking around with another girl behind your back?

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5) Resist the Urge to Explode at Him

No matter what you end up finding out, try not to explode at him or yell. If your boyfriend's been texting another girl with the intent to cheat, then it's time to break it off, plain and simple. There's no need to make it dramatic. Trying to retaliate or hurt him will just make things worse, and the sooner you can get past this stage and out of the relationship, the better.

So, is there a chance to salvage the relationship?

If you're not in an open relationship and you find out that he's been seeing other women behind your back, it's going to be hard to rebuild that trust again. Some people are able to rebuild it, but this is a minority of couples.

It's probably best to just move on and try to learn from the relationship. What could you do next time to avoid dating someone who will cheat?

It might hurt now to realize that someone you trusted completely disregarded you, but it's better that you found out now rather than years down the line. The sooner he shows his true colors, the better. In a sense, you could say that your boyfriend did you a favor by texting another girl and getting caught.

The last thing he sees before falling into a coma.
The last thing he sees before falling into a coma.

My Boyfriend Is Texting His Ex! What Do I Do?

If you find out that it's his ex that he's been talking to, then this is a more complicated situation. This is someone who he had a romantic connection with in the past, after all. Depending on how things ended, he might be tempted to rekindle the flame.

Some people can be friends with their former partners, and some people can't. If your boyfriend seems mature enough that he would be able to maintain a normal friendship with his ex, then you probably don't need to worry about it unless there are obvious signs that he's trying to get into her pants.

On the other hand, if you know that your boyfriend still carries a torch for his old girlfriend, then you might want to have a serious discussion with him. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the exchanges. If he cares about your relationship, he'll at least listen.

Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? When You're Not Sure

Of course, there are also those instances where you might not be sure in the first place whether your boyfriend is texting another woman or not. You might have no idea who he's texting, but you just have a gut feeling that it's another girl.

In times like these when you might be tempted to see who your boyfriend is texting by snooping through his contacts and text threads, you need to apply some self-control. Spying on your boyfriend is a bad idea.

It means that you are invading his privacy and that you don't trust him at all. If he's done nothing to deserve this distrust, you shouldn't be snooping. And as we discussed before, if he has earned your distrust by being shady in the past, then you might consider dumping him and finding someone who won't betray you.

Your Texting Ex

Have you ever texted your ex while in a new relationship?

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© 2017 Jorge Vamos

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    • profile image

      Kenzie 44 hours ago

      Ok so I notice on Instagram that my boyfriend followed this one girl and I didn’t really think much of it but then when he came to my house this past Friday her name popped up from iMessages and I asked who she was but he said I don’t even know. The thing is if he doesn’t know who she is then how did she get his number. I just don’t really know what to do though I really like him a lot but it just hurts my heart to even think that he would do that.

    • profile image

      Mona Lucas 2 days ago

      What do I do?? My B/F texts this female for hours on end a day..but lies to me and say he is not and the reason I know this his phone bill comes to my e-mail each month.

      There are four to five females that he does this with and if it's not texts its call.

      Have confront him and its the same lie "baby I don't or yes but it's we are exchange HRU greetings come on for hours on end..

      How can one text for hours at one sitting

    • profile image

      Jibaro 8 days ago

      You get into my Cell and you are simply out! There is no second chances. You star getting jealousy rages, you are out! No second chances. If you want to have top notch material, Centerfold Quality, you will have to learn to behave properly and that means that other people will look at your partner, will tease your partner, will woo your partner and maybe your partner will ditch you or you will ditch your partner. After he or she have left be thankful that:

      1- You were able to enjoy such booty!

      2-Feel great because of the departure. the person was not worthy of you!

      3-Next!

    • profile image

      Sam 10 days ago

      what if he is talking with the girl for hours on the phone and he doesn't talk to you like that and also doesn't care. when he talks to her and you come in to the room and he change the way he talk to her .but this girl has a boyfriend and he tells her that if she has any thing she needs help he will be there. but why doesn't she call her boyfriend instead.

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      Anna 12 days ago

      My bf texts this girl whom he met at some b'day party. That girl kinda started flirting first with some 'kiss' emojis and my bf also then started flirting her. I think he has a crush on her but he says that 'it was a long time back, she has a bf now' but it was when we were already in a relationship...what do i do?

    • profile image

      Louise 2 weeks ago

      I think if you are uncomfortable that you feel that your partner is texting another woman constantly than you should politely bring it up and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. Make sure of course that it isn't a member of his family or a friend/co-worker that he only texts occasionally. However if your bf is texting another woman constantly that is not his family you have every right to feel uncomfortable and bring it up with him politely.

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      lau 2 weeks ago

      my bf is texting a girl that likes him but he told me tho and he told me he makes her laugh and they text more with her than me but it really makes me jealous and it makes me cry cause i think he is gonna dump me to be with her, what do i do

    • profile image

      Wendy 3 weeks ago

      My boyfriend text other women and ask them to come over. Not right ?!

    • profile image

      Nie 4 weeks ago

      My boyfriend when I text he didn’t response And also I call he didn’t answer is there possibility that he. Cheat

    • profile image

      lizzy 5 weeks ago

      My bf and I have been together for a short period, 2 years and have lived together for 1. Combined we have 4 children. 2 from my previous marriage and 2 from his. In my previous marriage we divorced because if infidelity, because of that I every so often check my current bf phone. He was out of town for work and when he came back I checked his phone. He was texting a person he met while out of town, kinda flirty but not full on. He said nothing happened . But this is the 3rd time I catch him in our time living together. He said he loves me and is happy with me and our relationship but sometimes finds it difficult when all the kids are home and feels overwhelmed. He said he does to seek attention. My heart loves him and i adore his kids, but my logic tells me to run...confused.

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      Kay 8 weeks ago

      The other night I saw my boyfriend texting another girl. I have tried to play it off as nothing. But this morning I had to know for sure. The text that was sent said " do you want to try anything new on Tuesday night" what do I do???

    • profile image

      Corrine Torres 2 months ago

      I caught my man texting girls on his phone then this one girl keeps calling him I picked up twice I am so confused not shure what to do please help

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      lily 2 months ago

      Nicole,

      being with him for ONLY 6 months does not mean much in relationship

      mistake 1: he told you he has problem with women and you don't listen

      mistake 2: you don't listen to your peers or friends who advise you to leave him

      mistake 3: you want to change him?

      He does not take you serious honey. He will replace you someday and by that time you will blame yourself for not seeing that and then hate him more for it.

      well, hang in there then....good luck.

      If someone really respect you and loves you and appreciate you he would not do that - text to so many women and said they are beautiful...etc...RED FLAGS. get out. You will be so happy realize you do the right thing and don't regret. Be smart and strong girl -

    • profile image

      Ahana choudhury 2 months ago

      if a boy is texting with other girl and at the same time he is saying it to her girlfriend what does it mean

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      Nicole 3 months ago

      My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and we are the best couple ever we live together, we work together, we do everything together, however he Texts other girls...I know about it because I read the messages. He text well over 8 different girls and it's not just Flirty, he called them babe and beautiful but he's never actually went out and cheated on me with one of these girls just texted them. He knows I know, but all he says is "babe you know I have a problem with women" sometimes we fight a little and I forgive him. He's done this to me several times before and says the same thing every time. I've asked him how could I help and he just says I don't know. I've asked friends for advice before but all they tell me is to leave him, I can't do that. I can't leave someone I love...I just need to know how to fix him or help him. I want it to be just us no one else. What do I do? Please help...

    • profile image

      Desiree 5 months ago

      So me and my boyfriend have been together since 2015. We have been on and off for a while. The last time that We were actually on good terms was probably in June. All of a sudden he changed his password and secretly had a Snapchat account behind my back with the loads of females. All of a sudden he started bringing up his ex girlfriend whenever we argue. He tells me that if he could , he would leave me for her . He tells me a lot of stupid shit. What do I do? I love him and I been with him for a while. I don't wanna let go of him. Please help !

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      Author

      Jorge Vamos 5 months ago

      @Amanda

      Well, Amanda, since I don't know the details of your relationship and its ups and downs over 9 years, I can't say for sure whether you should leave or stay. Sometimes relationships can be rebuilt after breaches of trust, but often it's difficult if the trust has been broken more than once. It's up to you whether this is a deal-breaker or not.

      I will say this, however: Whether you think his excuse is believable or not, it is more troubling if the excuse IS true than if it isn't.

      If his self-esteem is so low that he can't stop himself from trolling for attention even though it threatens his relationship of almost a decade, then personally I don't think he has any business being in a relationship in the first place. You have to be happy with yourself before you drag someone else into your life.

      Furthermore, his excuse is just that: an excuse. A poor excuse, at that. From what you've said (that he did it twice), it seems that he either has very little self-control or he doesn't care what you think and is only concerned about getting caught.

      Either way, that's a recipe for his doing it again. Ask yourself (and him): What's stopping him from just doing it again? You already caught him twice. What's different this time?

      For all you know, he could have done this many times before and you only just happened to catch him twice. As far as physically acting on it--he may have, or he may have not. He may have just not had the opportunity...yet.

      People who send lewd messages to each other usually have a certain goal in mind, even if it's subconscious. They may not consciously think about it, they may just tell themselves it's "just for fun." After something physical happens, they say, "Oh, it just happened. I didn't expect it to go so far. One thing led to another."

      A person who doesn't want to do this won't send messages like that in the first place. You know him well by now; it's been 9 years.

      Ask yourself: If one of these people invited him to meet and he had the opportunity to cheat on you very easily with someone very attractive without getting caught, would he take the offer?

      Probably most people who are texting other people saucy messages would. Then the question becomes whether you want to spend the rest of the relationship being extra vigilant of his behavior.

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      Amanda 5 months ago

      My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 9 years now and have lived together for 8 of those years. I recently caught him texting someone and threatened to end the relationship as this is the 2nd time I have caught him. Now we are in this relationship limbo. I am very upset and am contemplating leaving the relationship and he is crying, begging, pleading for me not to end it. His explanation for his actions is that getting the attention from other people gives him a sense of self-worth and value. He swears that he has never had any physical contact with any of these people and that the conversations are initiated through instagram. My question is what do you think I should do? I am 31 years old and have been with this person since I was 22. We have built a life together but the trust has been broken. Do you think its a smart choice to work through these issues of cut ties?

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      Author

      Jorge Vamos 6 months ago

      @Hudy

      Tough situation. The only thing I can really say is that if you don't have the "title" and haven't discussed being in a relationship with him, then he probably feels like he has the freedom to text anyone he wants. Why would he decide to commit to you on his own when it hasn't been discussed overtly? Most of us don't give up our freedom that easily. :P

      It's best not to just assume that he feels the same way you do--that you're "dating exclusively." From his perspective, it might be totally different! That's why I would suggest bringing it out in the open and being honest with him about your thoughts. Usually guys don't do well with hints; we need you to be really, really obvious.

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      Hudy 6 months ago

      This guy and me are dating exclusivly, basically without the actual "title" and he is texting one of my friends. I think they are flirty, and he definetly texts her more than he texts me. What should I do?