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Is Your Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? 5 Things You Should Do Right Now

Updated on June 19, 2017
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After seeing many friends (or himself) seduced by love, only to crash and burn afterwards, Jorge writes advice based on his observations.

Who Is My Boyfriend Texting?

A lot of young women are overly concerned with what their boyfriends are doing on their phones. It's fairly normal to have some degree of insecurity, especially if you have been hurt in the past, but there are times when jealously can get obsessive.

Having said that, sometimes your gut feeling is there for a reason. Have you discovered that your boyfriend is texting another girl? Did you look over his shoulder and notice that there was a girl's name as the recipient? Did you snoop through his phone and see that he's been talking to another woman?

Here's what you should do before anything else:

Is your boyfriend texting another woman? Is that "other woman" his mom?
Is your boyfriend texting another woman? Is that "other woman" his mom?

1) Try to Figure Out If He's Innocent

Just because your boyfriend is texting another girl, doesn't mean that he's automatically cheating. If you don't know exactly who the girl is, it's possible that she could have some kind of family relationship with him. Maybe they are friends or coworkers and are discussing completely normal subjects.

Since you're the one who invaded his privacy (and you really shouldn't have), the burden is on you to prove that he's doing anything wrong. If the texts don't seem racy or anything, there's no reason to assume the worst.

Ask him about it. If you've been with him for any period of time, you should be able to tell if he's panicking or lying--unless he's very good at deceiving you. Be honest with him and tell him why you're asking. Don't beat around the bush. Let him know that you feel insecure and that you need some kind of reassurance that he's not trading naked selfies with some other girl.

2) Consider How Much You Trust Him

If your boyfriend has told you that his texting is completely innocent, and you still don't believe him, this speaks volumes. You can't be in a relationship with someone that you don't trust--at least not a relationship that is actually worth it.

If you're going to have to constantly look over your boyfriend's shoulder as he texts his friends, just to make sure that no flirtations are going on, then you should probably reconsider the relationship. No matter what you may have experienced in the past, paranoia is not normal in a relationship.

If you're paranoid and jealous because he has shown himself to be untrustworthy before, either trust him or dump him. If it's because of your own insecurities without any foundation, discuss the problem with him and think about possibly seeking outside help so that you can get over that kind of toxic mindset.

Do you trust your man?
Do you trust your man?

3) Think About Whether You Can Forgive Him If He's Not Innocent

You may be all caught up trying to see who your boyfriend is texting, enough that you forgot to think it all the way through: If it does turn out that your boyfriend is texting another girl in a flirtatious way, what will you do about it?

Can you really forgive him and learn to move on from it? Does it depend on the degree that your boyfriend was flirting with her? Does that even matter? Where do you draw the line?

Ask yourself all these questions before you waste too much mental and emotional energy in the situation. If you know for sure that you're the kind of person who could never get over your boyfriend texting another girl with lust on his mind, then what's the point in moving forward? Call your boyfriend and tell him it's over.

If you haven't yet concluded whether or not you think he's guilty of sending raunchy texts because the evidence is nil, this is still something worth considering. Decide what you're going to do now, because when the moment of confrontation comes, you may be too emotional to think clearly.

4) Ask Mutual Friends For Advice

If you happen to have caught the name of the girl he was texting, you may be able to ask around to see who she is. This might help you get closer to the truth, and you can also feel relief if it turns out to be his third cousin or something.

On the other hand, if your friends are warning you about your boyfriend and telling you that he is texting another girl with bad intentions, take their advice seriously. They can see the situation from an outside perspective, so they are likely to be more objective about it than you.

Ratting Him Out

Have your friends ever told you that your partner was sneaking around with another girl behind your back?

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5) Resist the Urge to Explode at Him

No matter what you end up finding out, try not to explode at him or yell. If your boyfriend's been texting another girl with the intent to cheat, then it's time to break it off, plain and simple. There's no need to make it dramatic. Trying to retaliate or hurt him will just make things worse, and the sooner you can get past this stage and out of the relationship, the better.

So, is there a chance to salvage the relationship?

If you're not in an open relationship and you find out that he's been seeing other women behind your back, it's going to be hard to rebuild that trust again. Some people are able to rebuild it, but this is a minority of couples.

It's probably best to just move on and try to learn from the relationship. What could you do next time to avoid dating someone who will cheat?

It might hurt now to realize that someone you trusted completely disregarded you, but it's better that you found out now rather than years down the line. The sooner he shows his true colors, the better. In a sense, you could say that your boyfriend did you a favor by texting another girl and getting caught.

The last thing he sees before falling into a coma.
The last thing he sees before falling into a coma.

My Boyfriend Is Texting His Ex! What Do I Do?

If you find out that it's his ex that he's been talking to, then this is a more complicated situation. This is someone who he had a romantic connection with in the past, after all. Depending on how things ended, he might be tempted to rekindle the flame.

Some people can be friends with their former partners, and some people can't. If your boyfriend seems mature enough that he would be able to maintain a normal friendship with his ex, then you probably don't need to worry about it unless there are obvious signs that he's trying to get into her pants.

On the other hand, if you know that your boyfriend still carries a torch for his old girlfriend, then you might want to have a serious discussion with him. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the exchanges. If he cares about your relationship, he'll at least listen.

Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? When You're Not Sure

Of course, there are also those instances where you might not be sure in the first place whether your boyfriend is texting another woman or not. You might have no idea who he's texting, but you just have a gut feeling that it's another girl.

In times like these when you might be tempted to see who your boyfriend is texting by snooping through his contacts and text threads, you need to apply some self-control. Spying on your boyfriend is a bad idea.

It means that you are invading his privacy and that you don't trust him at all. If he's done nothing to deserve this distrust, you shouldn't be snooping. And as we discussed before, if he has earned your distrust by being shady in the past, then you might consider dumping him and finding someone who won't betray you.

Your Texting Ex

Have you ever texted your ex while in a new relationship?

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