Is Your Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? 5 Things You Should Do Right Now
Who Is My Boyfriend Texting?
A lot of young women are overly concerned with what their boyfriends are doing on their phones. It's fairly normal to have some degree of insecurity, especially if you have been hurt in the past, but there are times when jealousy can get obsessive.
Having said that, sometimes your gut feeling is there for a reason. Have you discovered that your boyfriend is texting another girl? Did you look over his shoulder and notice that there was a girl's name as the recipient? Did you snoop through his phone and see that he's been talking to another woman? Or are you just very suspicious of his actions?
Signs He's Talking to Another Girl
If you are concerned that your boyfriend may be texting other girls, there are some clear signs to look for in his behavior.
- He acts super protective with his phone: This is a big one because it means he is not comfortable with you looking at his phone. If you try to look something up, he immediately snatches it away, or he is showing you a picture on his phone, and he will keep his hands on it. The fact that he is so insecure about giving up his phone to you is a sign that something is up.
- He randomly stops talking to you and acts flaky: It is concerning if he just drops plans he made with you, or you two are in a text conversation, and he randomly stops replying to you. While it may not mean anything if he continues to have this pattern of behavior, it could be a sign of something deeper going on.
- He is always texting someone when you're together: While it is hard to pry anyone away from their phone in this day and age, if your boyfriend is constantly texting someone every single time you two are spending time together, that could mean he is texting another girl. This type of behavior could be even more telling if he is not texting you very much. The fact that he is constantly texting on his phone means he's capable of texting you more frequently; he just chooses not to.
- He gets shifty when asked certain questions: If he tightens up and gives you one-word answers when you ask him what he did last weekend or what his plans are for later in the week, that could mean he is hiding something from you. Especially if he suddenly started acting this way.
5 Steps to Follow If You Think Your Boyfriend Is Texting Another Girl
If you still believe that your boyfriend is texting other girls, here's are some steps to follow:
- Find out his innocence (or guilt).
- Consider how much you trust his word.
- Think about if you can forgive him if he's not innocent.
- Ask mutual friends for advice.
- Resist the urge to explode at him.
1. Try to Figure Out If He's Innocent
Just because your boyfriend is texting another girl, doesn't mean that he's automatically cheating. If you don't know exactly who the girl is, it's possible that she could have some kind of family relationship with him. Maybe they are friends or coworkers and are discussing completely normal subjects.
Since you're the one who invaded his privacy (and you really shouldn't have), the burden is on you to prove that he's doing anything wrong. If the texts don't seem racy or anything, there's no reason to assume the worst.
Ask him about it. If you've been with him for any period of time, you should be able to tell if he's panicking or lying—unless he's very good at deceiving you. Be honest with him and tell him why you're asking. Don't beat around the bush. Let him know that you feel insecure and that you need some kind of reassurance that he's not trading naked selfies with some other girl.
2. Consider How Much You Trust Him
If your boyfriend has told you that his texting is completely innocent, and you still don't believe him, this speaks volumes. You can't be in a relationship with someone that you don't trust—at least not a relationship that is actually worth it.
If you're going to have to constantly look over your boyfriend's shoulder as he texts his friends, just to make sure that no flirtations are going on, then you should probably reconsider the relationship. No matter what you may have experienced in the past, paranoia is not normal in a relationship.
If you're paranoid and jealous because he has shown himself to be untrustworthy before, either trust him or dump him. If it's because of your own insecurities, discuss the problem with him and think about possibly seeking outside help so that you can get over that kind of toxic mindset.
3. Think About Whether You Can Forgive Him If He's Not Innocent
You may be so caught up in trying to see who your boyfriend is texting that you forgot to think things all the way through: if it does turn out that your boyfriend is texting another girl in a flirtatious way, what will you do about it?
Can you really forgive him and learn to move on from it? Does it depend on the degree that your boyfriend was flirting with her? Does that even matter? Where do you draw the line?
Ask yourself all these questions before you waste too much mental and emotional energy in the situation. If you know for sure that you're the kind of person who could never get over your boyfriend texting another girl with lust on his mind, then what's the point in moving forward? Call your boyfriend and tell him it's over.
If you haven't yet concluded whether or not you think he's guilty of sending raunchy texts because the evidence is nil, this is still something worth considering. Decide what you're going to do now, because when the moment of confrontation comes, you may be too emotional to think clearly.
4. Ask Mutual Friends for Advice
If you happen to have caught the name of the girl he was texting, you may be able to ask around to see who she is. This might help you get closer to the truth, and you can also feel relief if it turns out to be his third cousin or something.
On the other hand, if your friends are warning you about your boyfriend and telling you that he is texting another girl with bad intentions, take their advice seriously. They can see the situation from an outside perspective, so they are likely to be more objective about it than you.
Ratting Him Out
Have your friends ever told you that your partner was sneaking around with another girl behind your back?
5. Resist the Urge to Explode at Him
No matter what you end up finding out, try not to explode at him or yell. If your boyfriend has been texting another girl with the intent to cheat, then it's time to break it off, plain and simple. There's no need to make it dramatic. Trying to retaliate or hurt him will just make things worse, and the sooner you can get past this stage and out of the relationship, the better.
Is There a Chance to Salvage the Relationship?
If you're not in an open relationship and you find out that he's been seeing other women behind your back, it's going to be hard to rebuild that trust again. Some people can rebuild it, but this is a minority of couples.
It's probably best to just move on and try to learn from the relationship. What could you do next time to avoid dating someone who will cheat?
It might hurt now to realize that someone you trusted completely disregarded you, but it's better that you found out now rather than years down the line. The sooner he shows his true colors, the better. In a sense, you could say that your boyfriend did you a favor by texting another girl and getting caught.
Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating on You
While we all do not want to believe it, there are some instances where your boyfriend is cheating on you with another woman. If this is the case, there will be some tell-tale signs that he will give off that will clue you into his infidelity.
- Need for privacy and secrecy: If he refuses to answer your questions and talks about how he needs privacy and along time constantly, that could mean he is seeing someone else, and he does not want you to find out.
- Picks fights: While arguments happen, it is a concerning sign if your boyfriend starts picking fights with you, especially if they are over trivial things. His combative stance is a sign that there is something going on that is causing him to lash out at you.
- Lies to you: This is a big red flag. If you discover he has been lying to you, that means he does not trust you, and it is likely that he has been lying about other things as well.
- Stops being intimate with you: If he stops having intimate moments with you and rejects your advances, that is a big sign that he does not find you as attractive as he did before. While it does not automatically mean he is cheating on you, a sudden drop off in intimate moments is alarming.
- Accuses you of cheating: Your boyfriend may be looking for a way out of the relationship, which could cause him to accuse you of cheating. Instead of owning up to his mistakes, he tries to pin it on you.
My Boyfriend Is Texting His Ex! What Do I Do?
If you find out that it's his ex that he's been talking to, then this is a more complicated situation. This is someone who he had a romantic connection with in the past, after all. Depending on how things ended, he might be tempted to rekindle the flame.
Some people can be friends with their former partners, and some people can't. If your boyfriend seems mature enough that he would be able to maintain a normal friendship with his ex, then you probably don't need to worry about it unless there are obvious signs that he's trying to get back with her.
On the other hand, if you know that your boyfriend still carries a torch for his old girlfriend, then you might want to have a serious discussion with him. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the exchanges. If he cares about your relationship, he'll at least listen.
What About Yourself?
Have you ever texted your ex while in a new relationship?
Boyfriend Texting Another Girl? When You're Not Sure
Of course, there are also those instances where you might not be sure in the first place whether your boyfriend is texting another woman or not. You might have no idea who he's texting, but you just have a gut feeling that it's another girl.
In times like these when you might be tempted to see who your boyfriend is texting by snooping through his contacts and text threads, you need to apply some self-control. Spying on your boyfriend is a bad idea.
It means that you are invading his privacy and that you don't trust him at all. If he's done nothing to deserve this distrust, you shouldn't be snooping. And as we discussed before, if he has earned your distrust by being shady in the past, then you might consider dumping him and finding someone who won't betray you.
What to Do If Your Boyfriend Is Lying to You
Lying to your significant other is a serious problem, and if your boyfriend has not been telling you the truth, there are some steps you have to take. Putting up with lying in a relationship is not healthy.
Confront him: Calmly confront him about why he has been lying. Don't appear angry, just be upfront and direct.
Make it clear that you do not tolerate being lied to: Tell him as clearly and plainly as possible that you will not be lied to and that by lying to you, he has significantly damaged the relationship.
Talk about the reasons why he lied: Have an honest conversation with him where the two of you go over the reasons that made him lie to you. It is then up to you to decide if you believe the reasons he has given you and whether or not you want to forgive him.
Look at the context of the lie: Take a look at the context surrounding the lie: was he trying to protect you? Or was he trying to get away with doing something very wrong? Examine how his lies fit into the greater context of your relationship.
Walk away from the relationship: Depending on the level of severity, you may have to be the one to decide to walk away and end the relationship. Breaking someone's trust is a major violation, and it is hard to repair that.
Questions & Answers
I found out that my boyfriend has been messaging another girl on Kik, telling her that he lives and sleeps alone when clearly we live together and we do sleep in the same bed. He even asked her if he could live with her. Is this a sign that I should be very worried? How should I approach the subject?
You can approach the subject by breaking up with him. Clearly, he either intends on leaving and didn't have the courage to inform you, or else he was intending on stringing this other girl along and cheating. Every situation is different, but if he was doing that, it's going to take A LOT of energy to rebuild trust again (from the both of you), and even then you'll probably always be a little suspicious of him. Is this the kind of relationship you really want?Helpful 3
Is it okay for me to get mad if my boyfriend is calling some girl "bae" and saying he loves her?
You don't need anybody's permission to get mad; but there's no real point in being mad. Getting mad won't change the fact that he's been trying to woo some other girl. If cheating bothers you, I suggest considering a breakup.Helpful 4
© 2017 Jorge Vamos