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I'm in Love With a Married Woman. What Can I Do?

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As a longtime freelance writer, Bev loves to write about human relationships.

Are you in love with a married woman? Maybe you're having an affair? It can be confusing, and this article will help you understand and navigate these situations.

Are you in love with a married woman? Maybe you're having an affair? It can be confusing, and this article will help you understand and navigate these situations.

What to Do When You're in Love With a Married Woman

So, you’ve fallen in love with a married woman. This is a very challenging situation. You'll be asking yourself many questions, including, "How do I cope with the emotions involved? Do I believe she will leave her husband for me?"

These questions are hard to answer, so read on to learn what to do to navigate these difficult waters. But, first, let's look at an example.

Example Relationship: Stu and Angela got together two years ago. She was in a stable marriage with Stu’s boss. Stu wishes they hadn’t gotten involved because Angela has now become emotionally dependent on him. Every time there is any drama in her life, she expects Stu to get her back onto an even keel.

He has tried to break up with her, but she threatens to tell her husband about the affair. She also told him she’d tried to take her own life, but he is not sure that he believes her. He feels trapped. What should he do?

How to End a Relationship With a Married Woman

As always, prevention is better than cure. While being with someone who is married seems deliciously dangerous, things can go horribly wrong very quickly. If you’ve made the decision to end it, then do it fast. Don’t draw things out, hoping the problem will just go away.

  • Tell her you aren't prepared to deal with the situation any longer.
  • Delete all contact details.
  • Unfriend her on social media.
  • Unfriend her friends.
  • Don’t call her to see if she’s okay.
  • Don’t answer her calls and messages to you.
  • Delete old messages and photos.
  • Change your behavior or even your job, if necessary, so that you don’t see her.

You may find yourself going through a kind of grieving process. This is normal, so allow yourself to process the feelings. However, don’t let it go on and on. Make a conscious effort to get involved in some mind-engaging activities. Take part in sports or physical pastimes. Don’t look for someone to take her place too soon. You won’t be in the best place to be able to relate to someone new. Take your time.

Being in an affair with a married woman can sound tantalizing and exhilarating. However, the stakes can be higher than expected and things can go really wrong, really fast.

Being in an affair with a married woman can sound tantalizing and exhilarating. However, the stakes can be higher than expected and things can go really wrong, really fast.

Why Do Women Look for Love Outside of Marriage?

According to research by Eric Anderson**, a professor at Winchester University, UK, married women look for affairs to replace the lack of romance in their marriages. He gave a survey to 100 heterosexual married women, between the ages of 35 and 45, who were having affairs. All came back with similar results. The women were looking for the emotional and sexual spark which was missing in their love-life. Interestingly, not one of the hundred said they intended leaving their husband.

So a married woman having an affair is, essentially, using you to satisfy her craving for excitement and something ‘different’ that she is unable to ask her husband for.

**The paper, "Life is Short, Have an Affair: Middle-Age Women and Extra-Marital Affairs," was presented on August 18, 2014, at the American Sociological Association's Annual Meeting in San Francisco.

She Won’t Leave Her Husband for You

Your lover has probably spent years investing in her marriage, her home and her children. It is unlikely she will give any of that up for you. When it comes down to it most women will choose certain security over an uncertain future every time. We are programmed in that way.

Remember, just as she is deceiving him, she is probably deceiving you too. Also, if she did leave her husband for you, can you be sure she won’t treat you in the same way?

Secret meetings are a part of a love affair with a married woman.

Secret meetings are a part of a love affair with a married woman.

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The Other Man’s Viewpoint

Harry is perfectly happy with his married lover. He’s not interested in a long-term relationship. It is simply a mutually pleasing arrangement. He’s young and has no wish to settle down so he sees this affair as ideal. No strings. He says if he breaks up with his current mistress, he will probably look for another married woman to take her place.

David is at the other end of the scale. He feels completely alone. He’s not allowed to discuss his relationship with a married woman with anyone. He has to make do with only seeing her once a week, sometimes even more infrequently than that. She dictates where and when they meet. He loves her. He can’t do anything about it. She refuses to leave her husband. He wants to end it, but can never make that final move.

Darren got a little drunk one night and decided to write a letter to his mistress’s husband, telling all. He wanted everything out in the open so she would leave her marriage and be with him. However, she managed to convince her husband that ‘this guy’ had been stalking her. Darren was arrested for harassment and he never saw her again.

Mike thought he’d hit the jackpot when he met his married lover. At first, the fact that she was married didn’t bother him at all. But as time went on, he began to fall in love with her. The worst thing, he says, is being alone on those nights when they had made plans and she’d canceled them due to some family commitment. And, he says, those times when you really want to be with the one you love, Christmas, Valentine’s, birthdays - that’s when he realizes that he is not important enough to her to make her want him permanently.

An Unwanted "Affair"

In some cases, a married woman seems to be the perfect object of affection for some men. Vijay, had recently lost his mother and was emotionally strung out. He made friends with a married woman at his place of work, who offered sympathy and a listening ear. This lady had no intention of beginning an affair, but Vijay was certain he loved her and was convinced that if he worked hard enough, she would love him too.

One day she mentioned she and her husband had had a fight. That was Vijay’s sign that her marriage was in trouble and he was the man for her. He bombarded her with texts and emails. He just couldn’t accept she wasn’t looking for love outside her marriage. She pleaded with him to stop, but he carried on. Eventually, the woman cut off all contact, threatened him with the police and complained to her boss at work. Vijay was transferred to another city. He is still convinced that she will realize ‘the truth’ and leave her husband for him.

Stuck in an Abusive Marriage

Occasionally, a woman will have an affair in order to get relief from an abusive husband. The problem is, she is usually too frightened to leave him, and will not let you intervene. This scenario can leave you desperate because there’s nothing you can do. You worry because of what he might do to her if he finds out about her cheating. You worry when you don’t hear from her. You worry when you are together in case you are caught. Your life is a mass of heaving tension. It’s not fun.



I Am in Love With a Married Woman

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: I've been with a married woman for over a year. She claims she and her husband are separated but live in the same house. They have two children who were the result of manipulation and her playing games to get him when he was in a previous relationship. She tells me I'm the love of her life, but after a year and a month of being involved with her, she hides it from him. I need some real advice. Can you help me?

Answer: My real advice is that she is also playing games and manipulating you. If you like that idea, then carry on. If, however, you would prefer to be in an equal, mature, and mutually rewarding relationship, then run away. She is destructive, self-serving, and obviously doesn't care about the pain she is inflicting on her husband, children, and you. She will never find true happiness with anyone. You, on the other hand, could do so much better.

Question: The married woman I am seeing is still sleeping with her husband, and it's hurting me. How can I deal with this? She tells me she loves me, and I love her too.

Answer: You know there is no future here for you. She's not going to leave him. How can you put up with a lover who sleeps with someone else? Walk away and get your life back.

Question: I've been in a relationship with a married girl for a couple of months. The way she acts, the way she talks or how she shows that she cares about me is just amazing. They are living in the same house but they use different rooms to sleep. Everything is perfect so far but when I ask her about her opinion about getting divorced, she always keeps ignoring that question. I don't know the reason why?

Answer: If your girlfriend is not planning a divorce and refuses to talk about it with you, you can stake your life on the fact that her marriage is intact and they are sleeping in the same room. I guarantee it. You are being used.

Question: I am in love with a married woman, but I do not want to be for obvious reasons. There is no relationship, and I am not sure if she knows about my feelings. What should I do?

Answer: Unrequited love is so painful. However, it seems you understand that there is no future in this, so you need to put some strategies in place to help you get past this. For instance, avoid seeing her and find some distracting activity to turn to when you start thinking of her.

I promise that what you feel is not real love. Real love can only grow when two people share an emotional bond. When it is from a distance and one-sided it can only be infatuation. Once you think this through and understand what you are feeling, you should be able to deal with it.

Question: I have been in a relationship with a married woman for six months. Her husband recently found out about us. Now her husband is becoming cruel to her. He wants to end the marriage. She is now in a dangerous situation. What should I do?

Answer: You shouldn't do anything other than give her the support she needs. Then she should agree to divorce her husband. Don't forget that he is the injured party here. What you chose to do has put them both in this situation. The best for all is to end the marriage quickly and sort yourselves out. Her husband gets to move on with his life and you two can be together.

Question: I started feeling close to a married woman via online chatting. Her current marriage is unfulfilling given the lack of intimacy, and that she had been doing online dating as a way to cope with it. However, her last online relationship proved to be bad given they fought and argued. When this woman and I began talking, we grew more and more close. Our feelings are genuine, and we're growing more in love each moment. What do I do to make this work?

Answer: Ask her if she's going to file for divorce. If the answer is no, the relationship will never work out. Think it through. As I said in the article, these women are looking for the emotional support and excitement they are not getting in their marriage. However, staying with their husband provides other benefits. Are you okay about being a spare string? Because that's all you are.

Question: Should I really believe a married woman when she says her marriage is over and she wants a better life?

Answer: No, not unless she demonstrates her love for you by ending her marriage, moving out, and filing for a divorce.

Question: How to know the married woman I love really loves me and is not using me to fill her emotional cravings? She never makes a move!

Answer: You are providing the missing part of her marriage which has faded away: the romance, the excitement, the emotional highs and lows. You have to ask yourself if this is enough for you.

You should assume she is just looking for a little excitement to make her life more interesting. You are there to provide the drama and thrill she craves. If it's love, she would leave her husband.

Question: I've been with a married woman for three years. She separated from her husband and wanted me to move in with her, but she talks to her husband every day. Should I leave?

Answer: Why haven't you moved in together? Why does she need to talk to her husband every day? Maybe they have kids.

It's your choice.

Question: We've been involved intensely for over a year, and had many romantic encounters. Our time together was very involved. I'm close with her boys and even met her sister. She told me she didn't want to stay with her husband, but now it seems that she's ghosting me, and has mentioned she's worried more about financial security and her reputation. Is it normal for me to feel angry because she won't be upfront and honest with me? Her boys know about us, and she treats me like I don't exist.

Answer: Of course it's normal, but you need to use your anger constructively. She's not leaving, and now she's trying to distance herself. Hold your head up and walk away.

Question: I've also been with a married woman, she is just 25. She came to me after her husband was getting close to another woman. They have no children, and their relationship is over. But her husband regularly asks her for sex. She can't go to his call. What should I do in this situation?

Answer: Ask her to leave him. That's all you can do. And if she chooses him over you, you must walk away from the situation and let her go.

Question: I am in a relationship with a married woman. She has two children and they all live with her husband. She comes over to my place and we sleep together. I buy her nice things and she loves them. However she now wants the latest iPhone but I don't have the money for it. I have not replied to any of her texts and now she has blocked me on Whatsapp. I am not sure if this is love or should I end it? What should I do?

Answer: You have been duped. All she is looking for is someone to provide her with luxuries. In other words she is prostituting herself in order to get excitement and 'nice things'. It's not love. I'm sure you know what to do.

Question: I am a married woman who experimented with another married woman. We found friendship, attention, and affection with each other. Now we have decided to end our relationship, what do I do with my feet?

Answer: I'm not sure what you would like me to say. I guess my response is to move on with your life as best you can. It will improve and get better.

Question: I was with a married woman for years and I'm married. She said she was in love and wanted her husband of 20+ years to know because she was tired of hiding. I was concerned because he knows me and she and I worked together. He suspected us and recorded her conversation with me and was able to find out about our affair. He only confronted her and not me. She ended things with me because he let the kids hear the tapes. I really fell in love and miss her deeply, what should I do to reconcile with my ex?

Answer: Nothing. Leave her alone and get on with your life while she attempts to clean up the mess you both have made of her marriage.

Question: I was seeing a married woman with two young children. She says I'm better than her husband in every aspect but financial security. He makes money, I don't. We decided to end our relationship because it became obvious/risky with how emotionally distant she was with him. Also, when she would have intercourse with him, she started to feel like she was being used because she was so emotionally attached to me. We decided to detach. This is extremely difficult. Was I being deceived? What can I do to move on?

Answer: I think she has made the right decision. If she's not prepared to leave him because her children's security and happiness is her priority, then you have to respect her choice. You move on by living your life and dating single women.

Question: She lied to me about being involved with a man. Then, she lied about actually being married to this man. It’s crazy, but after all of that, I still love her. I just can’t trust her. How do I let go? I can tell that she loves me, but I hardly believe anything she says other than me knowing her feelings for me are real.

Answer: If you can't trust her, if you can't believe her, then your love isn't based on love, but on mere desire. Bear in mind that if she can do this to her husband, she will almost certainly do it to you. It's not a great outlook for the future: pain, disappointment, and feelings of abandonment.

It's time to take some time out and think about what you really want in a relationship.

Question: I had an affair with a married woman for over four years. We live in different parts of the country, so we haven't met each other in person yet. We keep in touch via phone and social media. She is seven years older than me and has two children who are in college. I want to marry her, and she wants to be with me and for me to support her. But she says she is not ready yet to leave her husband and children to marry me. What should I do?

Answer: You have to ask yourself some questions. Do you want to be waiting around for another four years or more? Or do you want to set yourself free to meet someone who is available now? Keep in mind that she probably enjoys the experience of having an affair without actually having one in real life. You provide the excitement in her secure and stable marriage. Her husband is the one who benefits from that, of course.

Question: I recently started an affair with a married woman with occasional meetings, but we got involved, and we ended up falling in love with each other. Recently she told me that she still made love with her husband. I was deeply shocked and expressed my disappointment. She explained to me that she accepted it for the sake of the family. My first reaction was to tell her that I'll look for other women to balance the situation. Will it work?

Answer: Of course it won't work. I'm not sure what you expected. She's married. Did you think she would cut off relations with her husband as soon as you 'fell in love'? As the other man, you have to put up with all the indignities and unfairnesses that come with having an affair with a married woman. That's how it works.

Looking for other women to 'balance the situation' will result in your lover ending it. Why don't you end it anyway and find someone single who, like you, wants an exclusive relationship?

Question: I have been in love with a married woman for over four years. Her marriage is empty. But she stays with him because of their children. Our relationship is very deep and loving and still going strong. What will happen?

Answer: I can't tell you what will happen. It's up to you. If you are happy with the situation and don't mind sharing her with her family, then that's fine. If it makes you feel bad, then consider ending it and finding someone who is free to be with you all the time.

Question: I’m in love with a married woman. She has a two year old daughter. She cares for me and I love her. But sometimes when I talk about our commitment or getting divorced she says, "It’s not that easy, I'm not prepared." But whenever I don’t talk to her she cries. She isn’t sleeping with her husband but she’s defending him sometimes, and she cares for him too. I don't know what to do now because I want her to separate from him. What should I do?

Answer: Firstly, she is almost certainly having marital relations with her husband. Secondly, she's not divorcing him anytime soon. Thirdly, and most importantly, why are you trying to split this young family up? Their daughter is two years old, for goodness sake. Act responsibly. Walk away.

Question: I'm in love with a married woman. We love each other very dearly but she pays more attention to her husband than me. She keeps sharing all the details of married life. I know our love will never flourish, but I can't stop loving her. What should I do?

Answer: Your answer is right there in your question: She is always going to put her husband first. You are merely a diversion. However, you already recognize that your love does not have a future, so walk away. Find yourself a single woman with no complications.

Question: I'm really good friends with a married woman I work with. She helped me to get through a depression and gave me a reason to believe in myself again. We get each other and enjoy talking. I'm not sleeping with her, but I feel emotionally connected and can't help but think if this girl were single she would have been perfect for me. Am I doing something wrong by being friends with this girl or causing emotional turmoil upon myself?

Answer: Yes, you are. The clue is in "I feel emotionally connected." You are attempting to insert yourself into her life in a way that could disrupt it, and that of her husband. Do the right thing and walk away. There's no need to make a big thing about it. You can still say 'hello' and get on with the business of work, but you have to give up the idea that she is your perfect woman. She isn't.

Question: I'm in a relationship with a girl who is married and about my age. She sleeps with her hubby daily and cares for him. She says she cares for me more than him but, I'm very confused about what to do because I love her a lot. What should I do?

Answer: You should find another girl.

Question: I have been seeing a married woman for the last 4 months, her husband doesn't know. She went out of town and said she hooked up with someone else. I actually feel somewhat deceived. Thoughts on this?

Answer: You and her husband are being deceived. She is using you both. You have the luxury of being able to walk away, so do it.

Question: I have a secret lover. She's probably just using me to get excitement and romance. On the other hand, religion was involved. She married her husband based on her religion, she wasn't even in love with him. Security was no.1 for her. They have an 8-year-old child. We both renounced our religion not long ago. Can I hope she'll leave her husband for me, or will things stay the same?

Answer: I can't tell you what the future will bring for you. This is, as always in these situations, a decision you have to make for yourself. The most important person in the equation, of course, is not you or your lover, but your lover's child. What would be best for him or her? Look to your conscience.

Question: I am a married man and I fell in love with a married woman. I am so deeply in love with her that I am ready to leave my wife and kid for her. And the same thing with her... She is saying that she will leave her family but on condition that I leave my family first. And she wants a baby from me now. What should I do?

Answer: Firstly, do not get her pregnant. That would be a huge mistake. It sounds to me like neither of you trust the other. So I think you should do nothing until you are completely sure what you want. If you take action now, you could end up destroying two families for perfectly selfish reasons.

Question: I'm deeply in love with a married woman from work. Something special is happening between us, but we haven’t taken it further than a good friendship. We don’t even flirt as we both know it would hurt us. I really admire her as a person and as a professional. I'd rather keep her as a friend than to risk all for a passionate dream. So how would it be possible for me to fall out of love with her so that I can choose the option for a healthy and true friendship?

Answer: It's unlikely you can change your feelings about her. However, you can choose not to act on those feelings. You can decide to maintain a healthy, professional friendship. You have the power; you do not have to let desire control you. Also, make sure you have a busy social life outside of work. Meeting eligible single women might be helpful. If it's too difficult, think about changing jobs.

Question: I've been involved with a married woman for about 3 years now. I tried to end it once and went back to her. The second time I had decided to walk away and she told me to give her a year for her to sort things out so she can be with me. It's been 6 months and there's no sign of her leaving her husband. No lawyer for divorce and she hasn't even mentioned it to him. She says she's determined because she fell out of love with him. Do you think she will do what she said she is going to do?

Answer: You already know that she is using you to add excitement and intrigue to her life. It's unlikely that she is planning on leaving her husband. Why not ask her to initiate divorce proceedings by the end of next month or you will leave for good. You have to be prepared to stick to your word when she doesn't. Your life is passing you by and so is the prospect of meeting a woman who will commit to you in love.

Question: How do you stop an affair with a married woman that has lasted for four years?

Answer: I can't tell you how to end your relationship. One thing you must be is honest. If you want to end it then do so gently, reasonably and truthfully.

Question: I'm 20 and I work with a 28 year old married woman who drives me nuts. I know I'm young and I understand that it's natural for me to have feelings. She keeps returning the compliments I give her. Often times she tells me I'm adorable and such. She shows me her tan lines just on her shoulder and I know she knows that makes my heart race. I can't tell if I'm infatuated with her being that I'm so young or if I truly do love her. I know she sees my reaction?

Answer: She's flirting with you, and she probably doesn't realize that she is playing with your feelings. For her it's fun. She's unavailable, older, and experienced making her ultra attractive to you. It's the slight danger, the thrill, the teasing. So you need to get a true perspective on all this. It would be so much better if you could find someone unattached that made your heart race.

Question: I've been in a relationship with a married woman for about 4 years. The first couple of years we showed great emotional and physical attention to each other. However, she thanked me for helping her marriage out. Since then I’ve been seeing less attention both physically and emotionally. What do I do? I'm pretty much in love with her. Also she wants me in her life. What is going on?

Answer: You provide the excitement that she doesn't get in her marriage. She is unable to accept that married life isn't about romance and excitement, it's about loyalty, support, partnership, friendship, commitment and deep love. She craves the extra dimension that only a secret attraction can provide. She likes the danger, the heightened sense of the forbidden.

What you do is entirely up to you depending on how you feel about the above

Question: I'm in love with a married woman. Her husband is always away for work. She says she's going to leave him. Do I wait and see how it unfolds, or end it now?

Answer: Only you can make this decision. What preparations has she made? How long are you prepared to wait?

Question: I've been seeing a married woman who has a child for the past four months, and it's been amazing. But she's very unhappy and wants a divorce, and has told her best friends and mother about me. However, I can't shake the feeling that she is using me to fill an emotional void. Is she serious about me or am I wasting my time?

Answer: I can't answer your question. Only time will reassure you or not. If she doesn't file for divorce in the next few months, you'll know you are wasting your time. Bear in mind that you will be taking on a family here, with all the responsibility that entails. Are you prepared to be a step-dad? Could you love her husband's child? Can you deal with the ongoing relationship your lover will, by necessity, have with her current husband? Believe me, it can get very messy.

Question: I've been seeing a married woman from work for 1.5 years; she still hasn't divorced her husband, does she have any intention of being with me?

Answer: I can't read her mind, I'm afraid. Only you two can work it out. I expect her husband would like to get all this settled too. Why don't you give her a deadline to initiate divorce proceedings?

Question: I've been dating a married woman for three months. She has two children. I'm deeply in love with her but I don't love her children. I want her to leave her family behind and come to me. I'm obsessed with her. What do I do?

Answer: You are happy to destroy her family, her husband and her children's lives... I would say that three months of fun is your limit, and now you should do the honorable thing and walk away.

Question: I am truly in love with a married woman with three children. She's also pregnant. She sometimes tells me that she loves me, but often I think that's not true. I tried to leave but I am trapped in my emotions. I am really confused and cannot focus on myself and my family. I want to forget her forever. How?

Answer: Think about this: if this continues you are going to destroy two families. I'm sure that does not feel good to you. Gather your strength and leave this woman and her family in peace. This cannot ever work out for you.

Question: I've been with a married woman for three years. I'm not married or anything, and they have kids together. She's just began the process of walking away and has moved out. She is having so many fears at the same time. How do I be there for her as best as I can without putting our relationship at risk?

Answer: Just be available for her. It's paramount that she is focussed on her children's well-being during this difficult process. The last thing she needs is pressure from you as she'll be experiencing it from her husband and probably others too. So all you can do is reassure her that all she has to do is call you and you'll be there, but you understand that she has other priorities right now.

Question: I am madly in love with a married man. At times he acts nicely but sometimes I seem to bother him. I'm too confused; what can I do to get over him? I truly love him but he's now becoming worse to me. What should I do?

Answer: He probably behaves in this way when he gets an attack of the guilts. And this is literally tearing you apart because you cannot adapt to his mood swings. For your own well-being and mental health, you need to walk away from this. It can only result in pain - and it will be yours.

Question: I've been with a married woman for over a year. She and her husband have been separated for five years. She and her husband and her two adult children own a business together. She tells me she will never divorce her husband for financial reasons. She is a lovely lady and I have fallen for her. Do I have a future with her?

Answer: At least she is being totally honest and upfront with you. You can have a future with her, as long as you do not expect anymore than what she has clearly laid out. So there will be no marriage. However, if they live apart, there's no reason why you couldn't live with each other sometime in the future.

Question: I have been in a relationship with a married woman for nine months. I love her and she says she loves me too. The relationship is physical. She has been married for 14 years. She tells me there is no more love at home - she and her husband tolerate each other because of the three children. And she still sleeps next to him. Can I trust that there is no love between them? And that she will divorce him as she has told me?

Answer: You obviously don't believe she is not having a physical relationship with her husband or you wouldn't be asking the question. No one else can tell you what to think or feel; you have to work it out for yourself. She's either telling the truth, or she isn't. Which seems more likely to you? Try to get her to commit to saying when she intends to file for divorce. If she seems reluctant, then it probably won't happen until the children are much older.

Question: I am in love with a married woman. We've known each other for about 10 years. We had some romantic nights before she got married. After she got married I left her alone, but when I saw her again after a year, all the feelings came back for both of us. She is not happy in her marriage and we both want to be together. She also has a child and she is scared the child is going to get hurt the most.The child is still very young - about 3 years old. What should I do?

Answer: You should walk away after telling the woman that you will wait for a while for her to sort herself out. If she is genuine, she will instigate divorce proceedings. Give her a time limit and don't be involved while she deals with her husband. She may leave him. She may not. And, of course, she is right, the child's happiness and security must come first.

Question: I'm in love with a married woman. She has a child and won't ever leave her husband for anyone. I am so much into her that I keep on thinking about her all the time and praying God to add her to my life one day. I can't study, can't eat, can't even sleep and even if I do, I wake up at nights with thoughts of her. She is older than me too. I've completely busted my right hand by biting it because of the sadness. What do I do?

Answer: If you were my son, I'd tell you to take a step back from the situation and ask yourself, "What do I want from my life? Happiness or this endless sadness?" Life is for joyfully living, not for moping around after someone who has, very honestly, made it clear that she cannot and will not fulfill your dreams. Look elsewhere.

Question: I’ve been with a lady twice my age for three years now. I didn’t know she was married at first. I tried to stop, because I didn’t like cheating, and she said it was up to me. A month later, I went back to her. She said she wants an open marriage. Our feelings are genuine. We’ve talked less lately, which has deepened our relationship. Honestly, I don’t want to marry her because (I know, I’m a hypocrite) I don’t want a wife who cheats. Should I end it or continue knowing it won’t go further?

Answer: Go with your gut feeling on this. I wonder if her husband is happy with her 'open marriage'? Don't forget, while you are dilly-dallying with this one, you may be missing the chance to meet the love of your life.

Question: I've been seeing a married woman for a year. She's been married for 20 years, no children. She said she sleeps in a separate room from her husband and they seldom have intimacy. However, my doubts make me feel bad. Once I asked her to be with me, but she told me that divorce is out of the question. I truly love her, but am not sure if she ever loved me or just dates me when she needs intimacy. She has now said that she doesn't want to see me anymore because she's fed up with me. Any suggestions?

Answer: If she wants to end it, you have to respect her wishes. There's nothing else to say. You could take the opportunity to find someone who is available and who might well fall in love with you.

Question: I'm in love with a married woman for the last two years. She lied to me that she was single. But she just revealed her married life last month. She also has a one-year-old daughter. I love her daughter as if the baby is mine and she loves me too. Now there’s a problem because her husband doesn’t want to give her a divorce and she’s asking me to do something about her relationship with her husband. What should I do?

Answer: Okay, so you must have known she was pregnant just after you met her? And you've known her for two years and didn't suspect she was married?

This is a big mess, because, if you were sleeping with her from the beginning, the baby could be yours. Have you asked your girlfriend to arrange a DNA test?

You are not to intervene between the woman and her husband. This is something she has to deal with herself. If the child is not yours, I suggest you walk away until the girlfriend has sorted her life out.

Question: I saw my first love again after ten years. We are both married to other people. I love my wife but can't avoid reconnecting to my first love. She told me she made a mistake all those years ago. It's almost one month since we made contact with each other again. The fire has reignited in my heart and I cant stop thinking about her. What can I do?

Answer: You have the chance to do the right thing now. Walk away and avoid destroying two families. Yes, you made a mistake by giving up on each other all those years ago, but as you said, you love your wife so why would you want to hurt her? If you were in a bad marriage, it would be different, but you are not, so tell your ex that you are sorry but you cannot see her again.

Question: I've been in a relationship with a married woman for three months. Her husband travels for work a lot and we spend all our time together when he's gone. We have the most amazing time and we love each other. We've talked about divorce, but says she wants to do it civilly, so it may take a while. I believe that she wants to be with me, but I'm single and have my ups and downs with emotions. Do I have hope that it could work?

Answer: She's having a great time. Best of all worlds. Getting divorced civilly is good way to do it, but there's nothing preventing her instigating proceedings now. There's no 'right' time to do it. If she fobs you off with excuses why she cannot do it now, then she is not being honest with you. The thing is, whether or not you two get together, she must know that she's in an unhappy marriage (if what she says is to be believed). Otherwise, she wouldn't be looking for emotional and sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage. You have to work out whether she is likely to divorce or not. And if not, you have to decide if you are happy sharing a woman with another man.

Question: I'm so in love with a woman who got married when she was 22 and it ended up being an abusive and traumatic marriage. We both love each other and it's made our lives so much better. She is separated and lives with her colleagues. Her major problem is that her parents are emotionally keeping her away from divorce and asking her to give it time. She's been living separate for 9 months now. She's been honest about not knowing how to go about this. What should I do?

Answer: You don't have to do anything. However, it's time for your lady to act like a grown-up and take charge of her own life. She is not a child to be directed by her parents. If she loves you, she will make the decision to file for divorce... and sooner, rather than later. Even if you weren't there for her, she should divorce her abusive husband anyway. Perhaps you could offer to help her through the process of divorce.

Question: I am in love with a married woman who works with me. She's having a problem with her husband, as he does (not) care for her. She told me she wants to get divorced though they have only been married for six months. Lately, we've been spending time together. I know she loves me. What should I do?

Answer: OK, think this through. She agreed to marry a man that she doesn't love. She's been married only six months and already she's looking outside her marriage for love. If you believe that she will leave him and be with you, then you are kidding yourself. She may be unhappy, but understand that you are simply a way out. My advice is to walk away. Wait and see what happens. If she does leave him, then by all means, approach her again. While she's still married; keep away.

Question: I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a married woman for eight years. We see each other twice a year for a week each time. She claims she’s not sleeping with her husband. She has two college-age daughters. She says she’s going to leave him. I see no evidence of that happening. What should I do?

Answer: I think you should read over what you just wrote and really feel what emotions rise up within. Then you will know what to do,

© 2017 Bev G

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