Feeling jealous when your girlfriend hangs out with her male friends? Feeling insecure of your husband's interaction with his hot secretary at work? Paranoid about your boyfriend's relationship with his so-called best female friend?
Jealousy is a human feeling that may be impossible to avoid, but possible to control. If you are jealous for your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, read on as this post outlines tips on how to stop being jealous in a relationship, followed by a quiz to find out how jealous you are.
How to Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner
1) Don't compare yourself with other people
Jealousy could potentially be stemming from the fact that you are comparing yourself with someone your girlfriend or boyfriend knows or hangs out with. While a little bit of jealousy is considered good for healthy relationships, comparison of self with other people can lead to a downhill spiral. Comparisons can be upsetting, humiliating and may cause a massive dent in self esteem levels.
It doesn't matter if you are different from others nor does it matter if you think that your partner's friend is hotter than you. Stop comparing yourself with others because your girlfriend or boyfriend picked you over someone else - Because he/she liked you for who you are.
2) Work on your own self-esteem and self-confidence
Jealousy in a relationship could be a result of low self esteem and self confidence levels. It is human to feel insecure about your partner developing a liking for someone else, especially when your own self esteem levels are low.
While there are no overnight fixes on improving self esteem and self confidence, take the first step by believing in yourself for everything that you do. Whether it is cyber bullying, offline bullying, taunts, lack of success or a perceived lack of beauty – Regardless of why you feel low, treat every day like a new beginning and take one step at a time.
3) Don't be a pessimist: Stop thinking about your partner cheating on you
Are you constantly worried that your girlfriend will cheat on you with some guy in her class? Do you get paranoid because you keep thinking about how your wife's boss must be hitting on her? If you are thinking along these lines, address the situation immediately and look for signs of a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend.
Once you have done your snooping around, close that chapter and get it over with. Don't get sucked into the whirlpool of negative and pessimistic thoughts about your partner cheating on you. Suspicion can pull you down and lock you in the chains of jealousy forever. Be optimistic and think about the happy things in your relationship rather than worry about things that are simply a figment of your imagination.
4) Keep yourself busy with studies or work
Ever heard the saying, 'An idle mind is a devil's workshop'? Cliché, but true. The easiest way to stop thinking about bad feelings is to keep yourself busy and occupied in things that you like doing. It could be something as simple as reading books, playing ball, watching TV and playing video games or something as intriguing as finishing an incomplete project or getting some work done.
Keeping yourself occupied is the best way to keep your mind from going into dangerous waters. If you think you have nothing to do, just think of the things you've been procrastinating. Make a task list and start organizing your life.
5) Remind yourself that jealousy can ruin a relationship
There are some roads in life that seldom lead to anything other than disappointment and in many ways, jealousy is one of them. It can grip your life and drown you in fear, insecurity and paranoia, resulting in frustration and anger. If you really want to stop being jealous in your relationship, you must learn to control your psyche. To do so, you can remind yourself of the trauma you are about to cause to yourself and your partner whenever you feel jealous for him/her.
Every time you have a bout of jealousy, remind yourself that you are about to trigger arguments, fights and in worst cases, a break up with your girlfriend, boyfriend or partner. There is a fine line between playful jealousy and something that can wreak havoc. Either way, playing with the feelings of jealousy is like playing with fire – Best avoided!
Working With Your Partner to Deal With Jealousy in the Relationship
1) Tell your partner that you are jealous and ask for a solution
Jealousy is a human feeling and it is absolutely ok to feel jealous for your girlfriend or boyfriend. Don't hesitate to talk it out with your partner. While you do so, ask for a solution and tell you partner that you want to stop the annoying feeling, but simply don't know how to.
If your partner really understands you, a warm and loving discussion will likely make headway and help you confront the demons of jealousy. Sometimes, all it needs is dim lights, a glass of wine or a hot cup of cappuccino, and a candid conversation to address a seemingly complicated situation.
2) Make your partner jealous if he/she does not understand your situation
One of the responsibilities that come with being in a relationship or a marriage, is to confront all issues head on. If your partner refuses to acknowledge your insecurities, it may be a good idea to show him/her how it feels to be jealous.
This is a delicate trick to play and has the potential for adverse effects. So play a situation out in your head and do some harmless flirting with your or your partner's friends of the opposite sex, while your partner is watching. This should get your partner's attention. Just make sure you don't get carried away and later when you are confronted, tell you partner how you feel exactly the same way.
3) Build trust in your relationship to get over jealousy
Very rarely will there be any relationship guide without the mention of the word, trust. Simply because it is foundation on which all relationships are based on. Once you learn how to build trust in your relationship, it is likely that you will feel less jealous for your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife.
4) Talk it out with a common friend
Do you and your partner have a common bestie? If you do, it may be worth talking it out with him/her. Just make sure that you keep your conversation to-the-point and don't end up revealing too many intimate details of your relationship.
Just scratch the surface and ask your friend for his/her opinion. More likely than not, your friend will tell you to relax, calm down, and throw your feelings of jealousy in the bin. Make sure that this is a friend you trust, and not someone who will mock you later on.
5) Meet your partner's friends who make you jealous
Are any of your girlfriend's guy friends making you feel jealous? Is the fact that your boyfriend spending time with his best friend, who is a girl, making your feel insecure? Are your husband's late evenings at work with female colleagues making you paranoid? Is a new guy at your wife's workplace making you feel suspicious?
If you nodded along or find yourself in similar situations, meeting that 'person in question' could be the way to stop worrying and putting an end to all the jealousy. You may find that meeting someone in person gives you a better idea of their personality and characteristic traits. So meet your man's female friends or your woman's male friends to put your worries to rest. And if you feel that your jealousy is not baseless, talk to your partner about it.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Susan B Anna from New York on September 07, 2012:
This was a truly great hub. Thanks for the share, voted up and useful.