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Selfishness is a personality trait, and getting your guy to stop being selfish isn't as easy as pressing a button. Whether he is disrespectful to you, acts mean all the time, takes you for granted, never takes you out on dates, or is selfish in bed, find out how you can deal with your man's selfish ways through methods such as having heartfelt conversations, not replying to his texts, and many more everyday solutions to this serious relationship problem.
1. Tell Him How His Selfish Behavior Is Making You Sad
Let your heart do the talking. All this time while you were reeling because of your boyfriend's selfish behavior, he may not have even realized how he was acting. Some people who have inflated egos and a subtle level of arrogance often don't realize how their indifferent behavior is affecting their partners in a relationship.
That is why your first attempt to get your boyfriend to stop being selfish should be a quiet conversation. Get him to empathize with your feelings by telling him how his behavior makes you sad. If the guy really cares about you, he should understand your heart-wrenching plea.
2. Keep Your Emotions Under Check When You Talk to Him About His Selfishness
The biggest hurdle you will face while dealing with selfish people is their selfishness, and you will never be able to win over their selfish attitude if your emotions flare up into a personal blame game. If it gets to that, a selfish guy will generally stay true to their personality and argue until he gets what he wants.
Instead, keep your emotions under control and always remind yourself not to lose your temper. Keep telling yourself to remain calm. Keeping a level head will allow you to manipulate the conversation at every turn and expose your boyfriend's selfishness.
3. Point Out Specific Instances of His Selfishness and Avoid the Sweeping Statements
If your boyfriend is really selfish, he will remain blind to his selfish ways until you actually point them out. Take a note and use specific instances to show him how painful it is for you. For example:
- Point out how all of your dates in the last five months have been to places that only your boyfriend liked.
- Tell him about the fact that he expects you to be free from your studies and work whenever he wants, but that it is never the same vice versa.
- Remind him how he blankly said "no" when you asked him to take you out for a midnight snack, but that he often drives down to the neighborhood 7-Eleven when he feels like having a midnight Slurpee.
Providing specific examples of selfishness will really drive the point home. He will have nothing to say against the truth.
4. Don't Give Him an Ultimatum Unless You Are Actually Ready to Split
Giving ultimatums and not following up on them is a common mistake that most people make while dealing with relationship problems. This will backfire and encourage your boyfriend to take you for granted.
For example, suppose you tell your boyfriend that you will break up with him if he doesn't stop being selfish, but he continues to show his ugly side, and you do nothing about it. This sends a strong message across to him that he can get away with it.
So unless your boyfriend's selfish behavior has frustrated you to a point where you are ready to leave everything and walk away from the relationship, don't give idle threats.
5. Take Your Boyfriend Along When You Go Out With Your Friends
Let him see how you get respect from your friends and how they treat you with a lot of affection. Witnessing your friends showering you with love will hopefully inspire your guy to show you some affection too. If he is genuine, he will take a cue. This sense of warmth will translate into his everyday behavior.
6. Go on a Double Date With a Couple Who Shares Great Chemistry
Going on a double date with a couple who have amazing chemistry will open your boyfriend's eyes and give him a lesson or two on how a guy should treat his girl. These are some of the things your boyfriend will notice about the other guy:
- How he allows his girlfriend to finish speaking before he interrupts.
- The subtle, yet very overpowering sense of respect that he shows towards his girlfriend.
- How he behaves like a gentleman with her.
- How he puts aside what he is doing and cheers her up if she seems annoyed or sad.
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If your boyfriend has the slightest bit of care and concern towards you, the other guy's behavior should make him reflect on his own attitude. It will give him something to think about on the way home.
7. Stop Being Taken for Granted
Don't go out with your boyfriend only when he wants to go out. A selfish boyfriend typically takes his girlfriend out on a date when and where he feels like. When she suggests stuff like going out to a fine dining restaurant or going to the theatre to watch a play, he will have a range of excuses, from falling sick to having an important submission the next day.
Give him a taste of his own behavior by saying no to his date suggestion when he has the urge to go out to his favorite place. When he asks why, just tell him that you aren't in the mood to go out where he wants to go.
8. Act Aloof and Sad: Make Him Come to You
Stop being your usual chirpy self when you are with your boyfriend. Be aloof and show a hint of sadness in your behavior. Give your guy more space than usual and act as if you just don't have the strength in you to make small talk when you are together.
Looking at your sorry state should ideally hit a tender spot in his heart. After all, no guy likes to see his girl suffer. When he comes over to ask you what is bothering you, here are a few ideas you can use to explain the situation to him:
- "Nothing's wrong. It's just that I feel like I don't matter because you don't give me any importance."
- "I always seem to get second priority in our relationship. That is what is bothering me and making me feel sad."
- "Even I want to feel loved. Even I want to be pampered by my guy every once in a while. Even I want to throw a girly tantrum and have my guy comfort me in his hugs. Am I asking too much?"
Be vague and don't get personal while saying these things to him. If he really wants you to be happy, he will comfort you and try to keep his bad attitude in check.
9. Don't Pick up All Your Boyfriend's Calls and Stop Replying to All His Texts
When all your conversational efforts fail, maybe it is time to try some hard tactics to get your boyfriend to realize his mistake. Stop picking up some of his calls and stop replying to all his texts. Let him freak out for a while until you respond back with a simple "hi" or a "hello."
He will notice this behavior and ask you why you are unavailable on your phone. Use this situation to specifically point out his latest round of selfish behavior. Tell him that you did not pick up the phone because you were sad. For example:
- "I did not pick up because I was angry at you for being so self-centered on our date last night."
- "How can you expect me to reply to your texts when I am sad about how you didn't listen to me yesterday."
10. Brush Off Physical Intimacy: Tell Him You Don't Feel Like It
The next time your guy tries to cozy up to you with his hugs and kisses, ward him off with a slight push on the shoulder. Tell him that you just don't feel like it. Let him comfort you with his warm hugs but nothing beyond that, including staying away from sex.
This sort of behavior will send a strong signal to him. He will realize that his selfish ways have had a terrible impact on your happiness and on the relationship. He will start getting his act together if he wants a genuine relationship with you.
11. Allow Selfishness to Wear Off Over a Couple of Months
Selfishness is a personality and behavioral trait. It is not something that can be turned on or off instantly with a switch. Expecting your guy to stop being selfish right away is like expecting a girl to stop being jealous about her boyfriend overnight—it is just not possible.
Don't get too excited at the slightest hints of effort on your boyfriend's part to get rid of his self-centered attitude. There will still be bumps along the way while he irons out the issues you have pointed out. From being selfish on dates to selfishness in bed, wait at least a month or two for the change to be permanent.
12. Last Ditch Effort: Get Someone Else to Talk to Your Boyfriend
Usually it is not the best of ideas to get a third person involved with the problems of your relationship. But if your boyfriend's selfishness is pushing you to a breaking point, getting one of yours or his best friends to talk to him could be your last resort.
It is likely that your boyfriend will feel insulted that you told another person about this. Take this step only if his selfish ways are beyond your control and you are certain about going to any lengths to save your relationship.
13. Make a Decision: Breakup With Your Boyfriend If He Refuses to Budge From His Selfish Ways
You will have to take a life-changing decision if your boyfriend refuses to accept his wrongs and continues being selfish. This decision is not easy and you will have to think about a lot of factors, including the questions below.
- How long have you been dating this guy?
- Are you in a committed relationship?
- Is his selfishness coming to a point where he is taking your feelings for granted all the time?
- Has your guy's selfishness reached an unbearable point?
- Are you sure there are no other ways left to try to get some sense into his head?
- Will you be able to handle the heartbreak of a broken relationship?
- This is not a decision that you can change later, so are you ready to call it quits and break up your relationship?
Think about all these things before you make you decision. If your heart continues to weep 24/7 because of your guy's dominating stance in the relationship, maybe it is time to let go.