The Little Shaman is a spiritual coach & specialist in cluster B personality disorders, with a popular YouTube show and clients worldwide.
It's hard not to hate narcissists. It's hard to feel anything but anger and hatred and disgust toward someone who works so hard to destroy your peace and ruin your life. Let's not split hairs. They intentionally and purposefully try to ruin any happiness you might find. They will destroy your family, turn your children against you, get you fired, steal your money, physically abuse you, try to intentionally drive you crazy and laugh in your face while they do it. If you call them on it, they will rage and cry that something is wrong with you. They've been compared to demons and to devils. They are some of the most evil people alive. There are those who don't even feel they are human. So why wouldn't you hate narcissists? Why wouldn't everybody?
Well, you would. You probably do, if you are reading this. But hating the narcissist doesn't solve anything. It certainly doesn't make any difference to them. They already hate themselves, and believe everyone else hates them too, so you're making no impact on them at all. The best you'll get from the narcissist is a laugh, or maybe "I always knew you hated me!" Then they'll talk about what a fake you always were and how you tricked them and lied and played them. Of course, the fact that they turned you against them because of the way they treated you will never be mentioned, and if you do mention it, they'll just say it's a lie. It's a pointless battle. These people don't get it. You're arguing with pure emotion. It's irrational.
Hating narcissists does nothing to them. They already believe that no one loves them and that will never change. However, it does do something to you. It's a normal healthy response to be angry at the narcissist, even very angry. Anger at being abused and treated unfairly is normal. However, allowing it to fester into bitterness and hatred is not good for you. It poisons your thoughts, casts shadows over future relationships and prevents people from moving on. You don't have to keep living in the narcissist's shadow. You can let go of the hatred and move on.
The best way to stop hating the narcissist is to see them for what they really are. This is a weak, pitiful, pathetic shell of a person. No identity, no self-control, no ability to soothe themselves or attend to their own even basic needs. What they are is a tragic shame. They're nothing but a screaming empty hole, unable to give or receive love. A being incapable of happiness who will never know even a moment's peace. How can you not pity that? They're not worth hating. They're not even worth having as an enemy, because they're not a worthy opponent on any level. All they have is childish tantrums and schoolyard tactics like making up lies and trying to get people in trouble or make others not like them. We call it evil but more than anything, it's childish.
When you look at a narcissist, you are looking at a child in an adult's body. A baby who can only scream to get their needs met because they have no other way to communicate. Once you understand this truth, you will notice that the way you see the narcissist in your life changes. You recognize the childishness, the absurdity of the way they behave. It no longer inspires hate. It inspires pity and disdain. Not sympathy, but pity. You realize that this is a wreck of a person, someone who will never understand what they've done to their family and their own life. Someone who will do nothing but continue to engage in the same self-destructive behavior for the rest of their lives because they cannot see they are causing all the problems themselves. And instead of getting angry, instead of trying to help, you will simply shake your head and walk away. You will let go of the hate and move on.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.