How to Stop Hating a Narcissist and Move On

Updated on March 9, 2018

It's hard not to hate narcissists. It's hard to feel anything but anger and hatred and disgust toward someone who works so hard to destroy your peace and ruin your life. Let's not split hairs. They intentionally and purposefully try to ruin any happiness you might find. They will destroy your family, turn your children against you, get you fired, steal your money, physically abuse you, try to intentionally drive you crazy and laugh in your face while they do it. If you call them on it, they will rage and cry that something is wrong with you. They've been compared to demons and to devils. They are some of the most evil people alive. There are those who don't even feel they are human. So why wouldn't you hate narcissists? Why wouldn't everybody?

Well, you would. You probably do, if you are reading this. But hating the narcissist doesn't solve anything. It certainly doesn't make any difference to them. They already hate themselves, and believe everyone else hates them too, so you're making no impact on them at all. The best you'll get from the narcissist is a laugh, or maybe "I always knew you hated me!" Then they'll talk about what a fake you always were and how you tricked them and lied and played them. Of course, the fact that they turned you against them because of the way they treated you will never be mentioned, and if you do mention it, they'll just say it's a lie. It's a pointless battle. These people don't get it. You're arguing with pure emotion. It's irrational.

Hating narcissists does nothing to them. They already believe that no one loves them and that will never change. However, it does do something to you. It's a normal healthy response to be angry at the narcissist, even very angry. Anger at being abused and treated unfairly is normal. However, allowing it to fester into bitterness and hatred is not good for you. It poisons your thoughts, casts shadows over future relationships and prevents people from moving on. You don't have to keep living in the narcissist's shadow. You can let go of the hatred and move on.

The best way to stop hating the narcissist is to see them for what they really are. This is a weak, pitiful, pathetic shell of a person. No identity, no self-control, no ability to soothe themselves or attend to their own even basic needs. What they are is a tragic shame. They're nothing but a screaming empty hole, unable to give or receive love. A being incapable of happiness who will never know even a moment's peace. How can you not pity that? They're not worth hating. They're not even worth having as an enemy, because they're not a worthy opponent on any level. All they have is childish tantrums and schoolyard tactics like making up lies and trying to get people in trouble or make others not like them. We call it evil but more than anything, it's childish.

When you look at a narcissist, you are looking at a child in an adult's body. A baby who can only scream to get their needs met because they have no other way to communicate. Once you understand this truth, you will notice that the way you see the narcissist in your life changes. You recognize the childishness, the absurdity of the way they behave. It no longer inspires hate. It inspires pity and disdain. Not sympathy, but pity. You realize that this is a wreck of a person, someone who will never understand what they've done to their family and their own life. Someone who will do nothing but continue to engage in the same self-destructive behavior for the rest of their lives because they cannot see they are causing all the problems themselves. And instead of getting angry, instead of trying to help, you will simply shake your head and walk away. You will let go of the hate and move on.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


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      12 months ago

      This article was a pleasure to read and reassurance that I made the right steps in leaving my childs father. He is a miserable person just like his father, who he has learned all his tactics from. His father violently beat his mother for years, when his mother lost custody for beating him he moved in his grandmothers house and shared a small room with his father, who continued the abuse. I used to feel sorry for him due to his past but Im no longer at the stage of feeling any type of pity for him whatsoever. Im am at the "flying monkeys" stage. He is such a manipulator. I finally got him locked up and he wants people to believe he is a victim. I dont wish death on anyone because in the end its Gods decision and the lord sees what I dont see. Including his pain and where it stemmed from. If his life was on the line... wow I was gonna say id turn my back then I thought about how I really cant be that evil. (LITERALLY) However if he died I dont know what I would feel for him. Or if I would even bother going to his funeral. Around the fake a** flying monkeys.The ones that are never there for him, until hes out of jail and can sell enough drugs to maintain there lifestyles. Going to Jail for him means all the people you took care of forget about you until you come home. Im so glad that legally I cant be there for him. As much as I want my child to grow up with his biological father, I feel that if I dont take him away the family curse continues on. Im leaving and never looking back...

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      Mary Its all my f 

      20 months ago

      Tragic is the word i used when i finally saw my baby daddy was just an empty shell. I really just realized it recently. We were together for 10 long missarable years. We r not together now, of course he still wants to blame me. But now his behavior is very predictable. He can not push my buttons, an ape at the zoo could not hurt my feelings or provoke me to anger. His awareness of reality is non exiestent. The only emotion that he is worthy of from me is pity. But i would never share that with him. He wouldnt understand and would be insulted. The other day he was trying to blame me for his unhappiness, i told him he would get over it. He looked at me and said..i think im going to be unhappy for a very long time. It was the most profound thing he ever said. I felt pity.. It was so true and he would NEVER understand why. I just told him.. You know i believe your right. Tragic waste of a human life

    • profile image

      Bruised Fruit 

      24 months ago from Mississippi

      I don't agree that they hate themselves. The one I had experience with told me that he "could make 5 women happy at the same time" and actually there were more than that at once. He thinks he is on this earth to save the widowed women who need to remember they are women..or the elderly--he's having sex with a 70 year old who is older than him. Plus, he has others--the proverbial harem. One is an old friend of 50 years who's in love with him and there is another that he claims wants him. He told me we didn't work because my personality was too strong and it weighed him down. I don't know if it is relevant but he's a musician. Oh, he's married too. He is what I fits into the covert malignant narcissist descriptor.

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      2 years ago

      No if you find out he s a sex addict selling him self for money as escort and porno actor. Go ahead stop hating that.I coexist with that.I can t not hate him.I can just about learn to accept that.


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