Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).
Being Bored in a Relationship: Is It Normal?
You probably landed here because you're wondering how to not be bored in a relationship. You might also be thinking whether it's normal or not to start losing interest over time.
The truth is that it is normal for relationships to go through phases. In the very beginning, things can be really exciting, but as you progress and get used to your partner, it can be easy to fall into a rut.
The key to not being bored in a relationship is to be conscious of this ahead of time, so that you can do something about it. Here are a few ways to keep your relationship interesting, even if you've been together for a long time.
1. Embrace Change
Relationships are living things. They can change and grow—and stagnate—over time, and you can let that happen on its own, or you can take charge of its direction.
A fulfilling relationship has a lot of the same traits as a fulfilling life in general. One of the most important traits is that there is growth, improvement, and forward movement.
You might be bored in your relationship because it has grown stagnant. This happens to a lot of people. The initial months or first couple of years of a relationship are basically a "getting-to-know-you" phase, where you're discovering all kinds of interesting things about your partner. But what happens once you fall into a rhythm and you know your partner well enough that they are fairly predicable to you?
Well, some people break up and start the cycle over again with someone else. If you want something long-lasting, though, you'll have to shift your focus to a different type of growth: having a shared goal or mission.
It can be a goal to build a household, to study a career together, or to save the world; the exact details don't really matter. The important thing is that it is an aspiration that you both naturally have as individuals that becomes more powerful when you get together.
2. Prioritize Growth as an Individual
You can't expect to grow together in a relationship when one or both halves of that relationship are not growing as people.
Think about your personal life. Does it seem like you're stuck in a rut and you feel bored with where you are? Does it feel like you're having trouble moving forward?
That may not be the relationship's fault. Now, it could be indirectly caused by your relationship, if you are trying to hold onto a connection that is incompatible. Many times, though, the relationship will simply be stuck because the people in the relationship are stuck.
What sorts of goals do you have, and in what kinds of ways have you changed yourself lately to help reach them? If your life hasn't seen some steady improvement, you could simply be bored with yourself.
3. Feel Things Out More, Plan a Little Less
Does your partner always come over on Wednesday at 7 PM like clockwork? This might be because it works great for your schedules, but after awhile you may start to take your partner's presence for granted.
Try to be a bit more spontaneous in your meetings, at least some of the time. Meet outside the house in places you've never been before. Don't plan things out too much and enjoy the moment. See what it's like to spend time with your partner in an unpredictable setting.
On a similar note, you can also follow the next tip.
4. Spend Some Time Apart
It doesn't have to be a really long time, but you tend to appreciate your partner more when you're not always around each other. It goes back to the whole matter of taking them for granted.
When you haven't seen your partner for a few days, you often have a renewed appreciation for all the great things about them. It also gives you space to be your individual selves and get in touch with what really excites you deep down.
This certainly helped me during times when I felt bored in a relationship, or when I felt that our personal development as individuals had become stagnant. A little space can go a long way,
5. Find a Good Balance of Stability and Excitement
If you and your partner do the same exact thing every day, it can make things predictable and boring, even if it allows for stability.
Every person and every relationship has their own ideal balance of stability and excitement. It can take a bit of experimentation to find yours, but if you're bored in the relationship, this can mean that you're off-balance in the direction of too much predictability.
Keep an eye out for those patterns and habits you do every day and try to do them differently. Look for places you can improve along with your partner. For instance, if you spend every evening sitting and binge-watching TV shows together, ask yourself if you're bored of this. Is there anything you can do together that could enrich your life?
Just be sure to remember that this is a balance. Don't overwhelm yourself or your partner with tons of chaos, or else you could end up overcompensating and retreating into even more predictability to make up for it.
6. Make a List of the Things You've Always Wanted to Do Together
Talk to each other about your distant aspirations and imagine what it would like to achieve them. Do this on a regular basis.
Not only will this help you focus on growth, like I already mentioned, but it could also help deepen the connection. Many times when we're bored in a relationship, it's because it may lack the level of depth that we really want. Things are kind of stuck at a surface level.
Talking about the things you hold closest to your heart can make things interesting again. All of our most fascinating parts are buried deep.
7. Be More Open With Each Other
Expanding on the last point, sometimes a relationship's path of growth is external, but other times you can grow by diving deeper with each other.
Find ways to increase the emotional intimacy in the relationship. Oftentimes, when we start to stagnate and get bored, it is because we have reached an emotional block with each other and are unable to grow beyond it.
Open your heart a little more. Tell your partner how things really are and encourage them to do the same. Hanging out on the superficial layer because you're too afraid to reveal your secrets can make the relationship boring really fast.
8. Help Each Other Go Beyond Old Limits
By stretching each other's limits, I don't mean walking all over each other's boundaries. It's more about helping the other person realize the true potential that they are afraid to reach for.
In other words, be encouraging. Encourage your partner to go past their own comfort zone when it comes to their career, their personal life, their health goals, etc. Tell them that you support them even when they're a little afraid to take the next step. Stay aware of what it is that they want out of life and gently nudge them in that direction. Allow them to do the same for you.
This keeps things moving and it keeps things exciting! You'll have a lot of progress to talk about, and you'll always have new things to explore together.
Bored in a Relationship: Who Should Change First?
You might be thinking: "I'm bored in my relationship and I want to try new things, but my partner doesn't want to change. They're too comfortable with the way things are."
All right, then. Why do you need your partner to change first, though? In order for the relationship to change, the people in it need to decide to change, and someone usually has to go first. Maybe you should be the one to lead here.
Reach for what you want. Prioritize your own growth. You might be surprised at how quickly your partner steps up their game.
Moving Forward Into Excitement
© 2021 Jorge Vamos