How to Keep Him From Cheating
Make Him Stop Cheating
I've gotten lots of mail regarding an article I wrote on why married men make the best boyfriends. Women, for the most part, seem incensed, while many men express intrigue.
Lots of women want to know what they can do to keep their husband or boyfriend from cheating. They want me to tell them how to make him stop his bad boy behavior and be a good husband. They want to trick him or force him to change.
I'm going to answer many of those questions here, and explain what you can do to make him stop cheating.
I Want Control
You Can't Control Anyone but Yourself
You Can't Control Your Man
You Can Control Yourself
First Step: Control Yourself
Although it may be hard to hear, you cannot control anyone other than yourself. If your man is stepping out on you, that is his issue. You can't make anyone do anything, not through manipulation or pouting or anger or insults, not even through being extra nice.
What you can do is control yourself. Take a look at your relationship. If he is cheating, is there something you contribute to the overall energy of the relationship? This isn't to blame you for your partner's actions. It is a request to be aware of your own behavior in a relationship.
What type of environment have you (and your partner) created in your relationship? Don't blame him. This article is about what you can do. How do you speak and relate to each other? Do you treat your partner with kindness and respect?
The first step in keeping him from cheating is awareness. Become aware of how you treat him, and other people in your life in general. Treat people in your life with kindness and respect. Men desire respect in life, and particularly in their primary relationships. When they feel disrespected at home, they seek out respect from others. This can happen at work. Or it can happen at a bar, restaurant, or a gathering of friends for a football game.
Many of the men I meet just want someone to listen to them, and treat them nicely, and they want to be respected. Of course, you could get into a huge argument about how a man who cheats doesn't deserve your respect, but what purpose would that serve? Do you want him around or not?
If you love your man and you want him to stay home, pay attention to your own attitude. Speak and act with kindness and respect. Don't start complaining the second he walks in the door. Ask him how his day went and give him a big hug.
Remember, you can only control yourself.
Step Up Your Game
Bring Your Best Self to the Relationship
After you've been together a while, things might begin to slip. You come home from work and change into sweats. You aren't planning to work out, but to relax and forget the stress of the day. Or, if you've been home all day, you wear the same dirty clothes you've worn all week. After all, you aren't going anywhere, and even if you do, who cares what you look like?
You should care what you look like. Not for your man or your relationship, but for yourself. Invest in your appearance and you'll feel better about who you are. You'll treat others better. And you'll be more attractive overall.
Working out isn't only for looks. Getting the blood flowing helps release stress. It increases muscle tone, cardiovascular health and strengthens your immune system. You'll also sleep better if you spend at least half an hour every day doing some sort of exercise. You don't have to get on a strict, serious regime, but find something you enjoy doing, that gets your heart pounding. You'll feel better and look better.
Besides working out, it's important to try and look nice for your partner. Whether or not you want to shower every day is certainly up to you, and if you work from home, the truth is, no one will know how long its been since your last bath. No one but you, and your honey. That stink you smell doesn't want him to get closer. Clean yourself up, and occasionally dress up and look nice for him.
Recently when I was out with girlfriends, a man sat next to me at the bar and commented on how nice it was to see a woman in a skirt. He said he couldn't remember the last time his wife dressed up. I don't wear a lot of makeup, but I do take care of my personal hygiene. I try to smell nice and look nice when I go out in public, because I want to make a good impression. There is nothing wrong with making a good impression on the man you're with. He will appreciate it.
In addition, set some time aside to go on a date. It doesn't have to be an expensive night on the town, if your budget can't handle the expense. Take the initiative to make a dinner plan, go out for drinks, or to a movie. Do something fun together that doesn't involve the kids, work, or nagging about the house. Just go out and have fun.
A lot of men I date talk about how their lives have been consumed by their grumpy wives, who don't want to get out, and won't take care of themselves. They don't all want to get frisky, but they do enjoy having a pleasant conversation with an attractive woman. If your husband wants to go out, let him wine and dine you, rather than me.
Don't stop trying, once you get your man. Show up to your relationship as if you care. Don't waste all your best energy, outfits and perfume on people who don't love you, or you might find your man out late with a pretty girl.
Have Fun Between the Sheets
Spice Up Your Love Life!
Have Fun in the Sack!
Stop Saying No Every Time!
Get Frisky and Chase After Him!
Don't Forget Sex
All too often, married couples lose their passion. Their sex life dwindles to a few nights each month, as "more important" obligations take over. Kids. Shopping. Bills. Meetings. Work.
One sweet man I know, who is totally devoted to his wife of thirty years, bemoans the fact that she'd rather hang out in her sewing room at night, than spend time with him. He recently told me they are down to having sex a few times a year, and special occasions.
Another friend, a woman, confided that it was her husbands birthday. I asked, with a wink, if she was giving him anything special. "I hope not," she responded, "he has a meeting and hopefully I'll be sound asleep when he gets home."
Shocked, I asked if she wouldn't give him a little birthday surprise, on her knees. Disgusted, she replied, "That's gross. I don't ever do that."
Ladies, I hate to tell you, but men like sex. Not only do they want it, but they also need it. They are chemically programmed to need sex as much as you need to talk. If you hold out on him for too long, chances are, he will seek physical intimacy in the arms of another woman.
It doesn't have to be this way. Remember when sex was fun? Remember the early days, when you couldn't wait to see him, to go out with him, to make out with him? What happened to that passion? Sure, after all these years, he's heavier, you're tired, and you both want to go to bed early. Just don't leave sex entirely out of the equation.
You do yourself and your relationship a disservice when you ignore or reject his request for intimacy. How would you feel if, every time you wanted to talk, he said he wasn't in the mood? After a while, you'd get tired of the constant rejection.
Please don't use sex as a weapon or a method of controlling his behavior. It will only lead to resentment, frustration, and in extreme cases, cheating. Use your power for good. If you give him the physical intimacy he desires, he will repay you with the emotional intimacy you long for. Don't set a trap. Be nice and have sex with your partner.
Remember when you used to have fun together? It's okay to have fun, even after you're all grown up and have kids and responsibilities. Look for ways to have fun with your partner, that don't necessarily include being sexual. Go for a hike, go to the movies, or go fishing. It doesn't matter what activity you choose, so long as you both have a good time. Having fun together reignites the passion and chemistry you started your relationship with.
Finally, pursue him. Tell him you want him, even if you don't. Tell him you can't stop thinking about him. Tell him he's sexy. Make him feel good. Grab him under the covers and play. It's okay to take the initiative, and your husband will appreciate not feeling rejected.
Don't forget to keep sex alive in your relationship. If you constantly deny him what he wants, he will feel rejected and unloved, and may seek comfort elsewhere. Instead, be his friend, he lover and his girlfriend. If he's busy having fun with you at night, he won't have time to call me.
In the End, His Cheating Is Not Your Fault
Having said all this, and having offered some tips on keeping your man faithful, let me close by saying that if your husband or boyfriend cheats on you, it really has nothing to do with you. It is about him.
Most married men I know love their wives very much. They don't want to cheat, but they feel lonely, rejected, disrespected, unloved. They talk to me and feel better. They feel appreciated. They feel attractive. They feel like they matter. It takes a lot to get a man to cheat on his woman.
However, if you married or date a player, don't expect him to change, just because he put a ring on your finger. I've known and dated guys who were married, but who maintained friendships, relationships and affairs with former girlfriends and lovers. They had no intention of stopping their behavior just because they got married.
The bottom line is this, if you care about your partner, then show it. Don't give him a reason to start drinking alone on a Tuesday night. Show him how you feel, express your appreciation, and get a little frisky once in a while.