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How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man

I love giving advice to others to help them out in their relationships.

Flickr CC BY 2.0

Flickr CC BY 2.0

Advice for Dating a Married Man

You may not have set out to fall in love with a married man, but there are times in life when even the most intelligent women find their emotions getting the better of them and they fall into situations that leave them feeling alone, embarrassed and isolated. Loving and dating a married man can be extremely painful and seldom works out well in the long run. The ups can leave you over the moon with a great feeling of love and comfort and the downs can be all consuming, leaving one bitter and rejected.

But this article is not intended to judge anyone or admonish women to "just dump him!" Assuming adult women are reading this, its is already known that dating a married man is not a "nice"thing to do. This article will openly and honestly describe what the typical experiences and outcomes are in these relationships so that you may be more prepared, educated, and informed about what you should expect, and how to handle it.

Here's my best advice and important things to remember:

  1. Remember that his first priority will always be his children and his wife, no matter what he says.
  2. If he lied to you in the beginning about whether or not he was married you should seriously consider whether or not you can trust him. Use intuition. Did he seem remorseful?
  3. Do not sacrifice everything for him. Be independent. Go on dates with other men. Have other hobbies. He's not giving up everything for you so you shouldn't give up everything for him either.
  4. Your relationship will change if he divorces his wife for you. It will not all be fun and games anymore. Sometimes this alone will mean the end.
  5. Make your relationship worth your time. Ask him to support you financially, or at least make sure you're getting as much out of it as you're putting in. Don't let him take advantage of you.
  6. Be honest with yourself. What you're doing is risky. Own up to the risk.
  7. Very likely, he will not leave his wife for you.
  8. No matter what he says, he's still having sex with his wife. Don't let your relationship with him keep you from seeing other people.

How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman? Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man?

Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness.

Questions to Ask

There are issues to seriously consider if you think that this man may be the one.

  • One of the first things to consider is this: Did he tell you he was married from the beginning or did he lie to you and then have to tell the truth? This will be a major factor as to whether or not you can ever trust him.
  • Another thing to give some serious thought to is whether children are involved. No matter how much he loves you, he is obligated to his children, and if you come between him and the kids, he may resent you in the long run.
  • Is your relationship strong enough to withstand the turmoil of a divorce? How long have you been seeing this guy? One year is about right when it comes to shifting from playing around to getting serious.
  • Right now you may be experiencing the best of the best, but when you are living in the real world together, things will change.
  • Moreover, if he divorces his wife for you, the two of you will go through a lot of sad and trying times together. Will you still love him as much as you do while things are nothing but fun?

Tips for Women in Love With a Married Man

Don't Sacrifice Yourself for Him

Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness. How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman? Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man?

Men never put their relationships first. At least moderately successful men don't. That is why they are happier than women are. Women have a tendency to meet a guy and then focus their entire lives on him. They will stop thinking about attending school or put business plans on hold after meeting someone who sweeps them off their feet.

This is a bad idea even if the guy is not married. But if he is, you have truly just shot yourself in the foot because you have given up a piece of yourself for a someone who belongs to another. You will become more and more resentful over time.

Look at your lover boy for what he is and control your emotions. If he is obviously lying to you to keep you available to him, consider if the relationship is worth your time or not.

Leverage Your Relationship

If he can somehow help you in life by making you more successful, paying your bills, or buying you a home, then you have gotten something to show for your time.

Be Truthful to Yourself

It's a matter of being honest with yourself. If he is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, then he may have been dating many women over the years. Usually when a man has this pattern, he dates the woman until she begins to expect more out of him. Then, he dumps her, finds another woman to sleep with before getting rid of her when she gets tired of being a doormat.

The truth is, a guy will string you along as long as you will let him. It's up to you to look out for yourself and avoid being taken advantage of.

Flickr CC BY 2.0

Flickr CC BY 2.0

Rules for Extramarital Affairs: Make It Worth Your Time

Ask yourself this question: "What am I getting out of dating a married man?" If you are not getting anything, you should ask the man to make the affair worth your time financially or move on. I am not being judgmental here. But if your guy plays with you for free and then goes home to his wife and plays the husband while you sulk, you are only torturing yourself and being a hooker who works for free. To be wise and economical, it's time to ask your "boyfriend" to help you out financially. This way when the time comes that you are not together anymore, at least he helped you pay your mortgage.

Before you go off on a rant about how expecting or wanting money or gifts is prostitution and that it's all about the love here, remember that dating a married man is not exactly moral either. The difference here is at least you are not being raked over the coals as you would be if you simply smile and put out like a good girl.

You must be realistic here and accept that what you are involved in is risky in many ways. One of the things that often destroys women in your situation is the shock of suddenly being dumped because of something that is happening in his marriage, or because of stress that you are causing him at home. Believe me, when this happens, having that extra money invested will lead you to think, "At least I got something out of it." And that is much better than the feeling of having been walked all over.

I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc. But that is what they all say, and when stress and reality get involved, people's emotions and decisions tend to be all the same after all.

I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc. But that is what they all say.

A Real Story of Dating a Married Man

For nine years, my friend Darleen dated a man who was married and now regrets it. Her man told her that he loved her but because he had two children with his wife, he could not leave her. He also said that he no longer slept with his wife, but that they had an understanding. Darleen would tell me that if he could leave his wife for her, he certainly would and that her man often showed great concern for whether or not she was cheating on him.

Love Is Blind

Yes, love is blind. I found myself angry quite often as I told Darleen that if he loved her he would divorce his wife rather than play this game with her. Poor Darleen had excuses for everything. She got on her high horse by stating that if a man has kids he can't leave. I happen to have known several highly moral men who divorced their wives even though they had two or three kids. After the divorce, they took care of their children at least half of the time.

The truth is, a man will change his life around and do anything to win you over if he truly does love you. If he is content to have sex with you and makes no move to make a permanent life with you, then you must understand that he does not see you as being very important. Or not important enough.

If He Really Loved You . . .

I know that your ego does not want to accept that fact but put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you were with a man who you were not having sex with and who you did not love, and you had this man on the side who you truly did love and had a great connection with, would you be content to go home to the man you did not really want, knowing that your lover is single and could easily find someone who is available for him full time?

The thought of it probably sends you into a cold sweat.

Men are concerned with having their woman all to themselves. It is actually proof of disinterest on his part if he does not care who you are with and what you are doing.

If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will know that other men are after you, and he will want to make sure that he gets you before someone else does.

Making Excuses

Darleen made excuses for her married lover for years, and she believed him when he told her that he could not stand his wife and never touched her. After listening to her talk about their intimate discussions, I figured out that her lover had caught on to the fact that Darleen seemed to accept him going home to his wife as long as he and his wife were no longer sleeping together.

Things got a little tricky when his wife suddenly became pregnant. Darleen worked in a building across the street from her lover's wife and was able to spy on her every so often. Darleen's guy informed her that his wife had been bugging him for years to have another baby, and he finally gave in. Not that they were sexual or anything—he explained that in order to touch her, he had to get drunk. The wife had marked the calendar for the day when she was fertile, and they did it just that once in order to have a baby.

The lies can be clever and convincing, but I always say, "Assume that the man is lying until you are engaged, married, or something close." If he is cheating on his wife, he has displayed to you that he is willing to lie, and you have no way of knowing how far he will go.

Flickr CC BY 2.0

Flickr CC BY 2.0

Should You Be "Faithful" to a Married Man?

If he seems content to let the relationship go on for years as it is, you should see that he is using you for some fun on the side. So, by all means, date other men. Remember, it's not cheating on your part because he is married.

What Cheating Means

I hear that one a lot. The married guy says, "Don't cheat on me." Unless he is separating from his wife, you are free to do as you please and you should. Otherwise, you will find yourself rejected by your married lover and you will be left alone. Date on the side to keep yourself from becoming too attached to this man and to keep reality in perspective.

When Darleen finally listened to me and began to see other men, her viewpoint changed dramatically. Her married lover began to only see her for sex. They were meeting in hotels and were meeting in his car after work. Darleen was not even getting a meal out of it. Sometimes they would go to a bar and have a few drinks and then go to his car.

What a waste of her time.


When she began putting her photo on dating sites, she felt more powerful because she could see that there were a lot of other guys out there. Some of these guys took her to exciting places, bought her nice gifts, and even offered her spending money.

What's the best cure for a man? The answer is another one! When you have a man abusing your emotions, don't feel guilty about seeing what else is out there.


Sarah on September 04, 2020:

I have finally ended my affair with him. It hurts to realise he has been using me. I feel he manipulated me into this affair as I had become emotionally dependant on him as a friend helping me through the end of an abusive relationship. I told him my feelings yesterday and he didn’t seem interested at all. Ladies please don’t put yourself in this position. It really isn’t worth it. His marriage is coming to an end but he still doesn’t want me. I am now going to try and meet a single man who can offer me the love, intimacy and emotional availability I crave

Sarah on August 13, 2020:

Everything you have said is spot on Karla. I suppose it comes down to being ready to move on. My married man and I have a history that pre dates his relationship with her. He has also helped me through a difficult time recently, when I was coming out of an abusive relationship and facing a Long custody battle. He was always there for me. I’m not justifying my affair with him but I believe he married her for the wrong reasons and is already regretting it now. I hope I can be as strong as you have been. I know I deserve more but we have such a strong bond that only gets stronger over time

Karla on August 11, 2020:

I recently broke it off with a married man that I have been seeing for 3 years. My heart aches every day because I miss him, but at the end of the day I deserve better.

I’ve heard it all: I’ll leave my wife, I can’t leave because of my kids. I love you. I want to be with you. I have no emotional connection with my wife, I’m not sleeping with my wife ...blah blah blah. Yeah sorry to say if they are saying these things to you and nothing has changed it’s probably all lies.

It’s true that actions speak louder than words. Unfortunately it took me 3 years of my life to realize this. What a waste! I wasn’t his first affair and I won’t be his last. It hurts saying that and makes me sad to think about but it’s reality and sometimes you just have to face reality.

Do yourself a favor and WALK AWAY. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it’s the best thing to do. If they REALLY love you then they will make it work with you. My married man has a wife and kids. So even if we did wind up together, there will be drama. And he isn’t willing to deal with that, so why should I stick around? Don’t sell yourself short.

We left on very good terms. Our last message to each other was nice, we just stopped talking. It hurts like hell and it’s going to for awhile but you have to do it for yourself because you deserve better. Not to mention this dude is cheating, so what makes him deserve two women? NOTHING. In fact, the dude deserves a punch in the face.

We are women and we get caught up in our emotions. I had a great time with my married man and he was my best friend but at the end of the day he gets to go home to his family and I end up alone and that just isn’t fair. Do yourself a favor and walk away, it will be miserable for awhile but with time you will heal.

Sarah on August 06, 2020:

Tushauna, this is the risk we take with any man, though it’s even more terrifying with a married man. People will judge us and say it was our choice to pursue a married man. However my married man pursued me and we have always had something between us long before he married her. As a woman in love with a married man I fear the same. Even if he leaves his wife will he not do the same to me. Is he really in love with me or just infatuated with me. We go back years even before he met his wife. You are probably craving security as you’re pregnant. You need to know where you stand with this man. Has he left his wife properly or is he just living two separate lives with both of you? I hope you find a way forward for the baby’s sake. I have told my lover that I can’t continue the affair once his wife gets pregnant.

Tushauna Clay on August 06, 2020:

I’m seeing a married man and we have been seeing each other for two years and in the beginning he lived with his wife but now he is living with me and I’m 5 months pregnant by this man. I ask myself every day what am I’m doing with this man and now a baby by him it’s really hard I fall in love and now it’s way in two deep I think if he cheated on his wife and left her what makes me think he won’t do it to me. Sometimes we get into arguments and he say you not my wife I don’t have to answer to you and I say I know I’m not but you don’t have to throw that in my face. He say he love me and we gonna get a house and be a family and ect but in my mind I don’t believe it I want to but I don’t. I’m very attractive beside being pregnant now but I’m not ugly by far and he knows I can get anyone I want to but now there is so many mixed emotions and my feelings has gotten involved with this man I’m scared of losing him or he leaving me. And I know relationships don’t last unless you have that right one and he there for long time but in this case I don’t know. It’s complicated

Sarah on August 01, 2020:

I am in love with a married man and have an amazing emotional and physical connection to him. After coming out of a abusive relationship with my ex, this man has been there for me every step of the way. I keep saying no more but we work together and the connection is so strong. We are good friends as well. I want to walk away and know there are other men out there. I’m sure he will be scared of losing me too. He has only just got married and says he is unhappy. Any advice please?

Katusiime Vivian Night on July 26, 2020:

Am in a relationship with a married man he shows that he loves me but he gives less time and when he promises me something he doesnt fullfill it at first he told me they separated but after a while the wife came back now what do i do Advice me pls.

Sabrina on July 12, 2020:

As I read all the stories and comments oh, I had no idea I had something in common with so many women. I definitely need some advice so I am taking it out here on this post. I have been with a man for 7 years now he has two kids and has always been pretty honest with me. He moved out of his house 3 years ago but lives near his wife and two kids. Got his kids and family will never accept me. He has since changed his mind on that and said I misunderstood him. I have never met one friend or family member in his life. He says he can't get a divorce right now but he will eventually. His reasoning is because his daughter is now turning 16 and when she's an adult in a good place. He will divorce his wife and also because they cannot sell the house. All bulshit I know things and I know people get divorces all the time. But I've accepted it because he's my best friend an amazing person and I love him. Someone mention, they only get crumbs and want the whole loaf... Ditto! He does not want me dating anyone else! His job is now consuming him I haven't seen him for a month which is the first time in seven years... I don't know what other options I have, that's all I was getting with seeing him and now I don't see him. We're glorified penpals. Please give advice!

Melissa on June 17, 2020:

I've been dating a married man for a year now, i love him and he says he loves me too, i have my doubts.. My problem is that he doesn't have time for me he is always in a hurry either for his kids or wife. I dated him knowing very well that his married but he promised me that his marriage won't get in between us. I see him almost everyday for less then an hour, i changed my lifestyle because of him, he doesn't want me with male friends, he doesn't want me to date as well but i feel alone and lonely because his bearly with me.

David Gal on May 09, 2020:

There is actually so much to bear when it comes to relationship. No matter how good you are to them it doesn’t mean that they will treat you the same way. It's so sad to discover my woman whom I thought could be a back up but it seems I have been deceiving myself for months. I need to desperately know what she's been up to lately so I had to reach out to webhubghost (at) gmailcom who got so many truthful and amazing reviews on the internet to remotely get into her mobile phone. He got that done in a twinkle of an eye, the service was delivered perfectly I was able to see her whatsapp messages, call logs, text messages which was quite amazing and I figured she lied to me about all the money i sent to her and her mails were the worst I could ever imagine.. I sincerely recommend webhubghost at gmailcom if you are in need of a similar service and you want a perfect job done. This is not a hoax or deceit, I need everyone to find their luck spying their partner with this honest and noble IT expert. This app works perfectly but you need the help of the real deal with the email above to get loose from the chains of a cheater and abusive relationship by getting concrete proof through his expertise and prowess. Give Ben a try and regret no more, better days ahead.

Love on May 08, 2020:

I am 29 years old. I have a child. I want to be married, but it’s only the married men that are approaching me

vivien on May 05, 2020:

I am a divorcee, and currently dating a married man.

He doesn't want to see me with another man and yet he doesn't want to leave his wife for me.

just confused because i don't have a kid yet

Robert on May 04, 2020:

I am happily married,

Julz on March 17, 2020:

Dear All,

I have been involved with a married man for 12+ years. I broke it off in 2015 and he persisted in keeping contact but I never responded to his calls or emails. Note that we have a son together, who is now 12 and I have been a single parent and single perosn for this time, living on my own with my son, I have my own house, car, a very good job and the love, grace, mercy, blessing and favour of Almighty God.

So basically, I cut all ties with my married man (Shawn) in 2015 and refused to be drawn back in to that relationship knowing full well that I could not continue to hurt myself nor allow my son to get hurt. I don't know what is was that made me "break" inside, I actually experienced a physical reaction in the pit of my stomach one-day driving home from work with my son in the car. It’s like God told me that is enough, you are strong enough to do this, you deserve more.... you are losing nothing. Mind you, I used to pray all the time for God to give me a sign that Shawn is for me and that we were meant to be together BUT if he was not for me then take him away from me and give me the strength to handle it.

Note, Shawn never really gave us anything. We would see him once every 3 or 4 months for an hour or so. He was always busy or couldn't do more at this time. So I really lost nothing (just my best friend) when I broke it off in 2015. Breaking it off wasn’t easy...please know this. I actually loved this man, he was my best friend, we knew each other before he got married. So its 20+ years I know him now.

The years I was not in contact with him was quite hard for me, I managed to raise my son though. I managed to ”live” - took annual vacations with my son, could afford anything I wanted, etc. I refused to think about Shawn, I refused to let my feelings of hurt, anguish and hopelessness come to the surface and destroy me…I had a son I had to take care of…I had to fight the depression, the hurt, etc and somehow get up every day and face the world whilst I was dead inside.

I was alone but I could handle it (somewhat). The loneliness started to get to me last year(2019). I prayed to God for a man to love me and my son, to help me move forward and not feel dead inside\like a zombie, to send a father for my son, to bless me with a man who can help me raise my son to be a good man pleasing to God. And I know God answers prayers…he has answered mine many times over.

Yes, my faith and relationship with God grew in the time I chose to focus on myself and my son but I reached a stage where I was feeling alone and wanted companionship and love and help with my son. And I didn’t want to be alone anymore. For 5 years I had focused on my son and my job and forgot me…I didn’t go out. I didn’t socialise nor felt like I needed love and companionship or was worthy of it. I felt I had to atone for my sins and make it right with God. But now I was feeling somewhat ready to let someone in.

I prayed and had faith that God answers prayers. One day (in Nov 2019) whilst in training at work, my cellphone rang…I didn’t recognize the #. It was a foreign call. I had no choice but to answer and told the person to hold on I am in training. I did not recognize Shawn’s voice otherwise I would have hung up!

From that day it’s been a whirlwind…he has inserted himself into the life of my son, talks to him, buys him stuff, etc. It’s like he is trying to make up for not being there. I leave it up to my son now to decide if he wants his father in his life or not. I believe he is old enough to make those decisions. Shawn constantly tells him he loves him and is there for him and will do anything for him. My son even met Shawn’s mother for the 1st time! My son is so ecstatic that he has another grandmother. She calls him and tells him she loves him and prays for him. I am so happy for my son! God answered one of my prayers!

As for me, Shawn has been professing his love for me constantly, he is saying all the “right” things to me ….the things I have prayed for. It’s like he has a 6th sense and knows my deepest desires. Did he hear my prayers to God?!!! How?! Is this God answering my prayers?! Has Shawn come back into my life as an answer to my prayers?? Please God answer me!!!!!

Did I get sucked back into it with him??? I am trying my hardest not to. We kissed, hugged and was intimate with each other once; we couldn’t help ourselves, it was so intense and as if we both need each other. It has not happened again as we discussed we need to have self-control and focus on our son plus he is still married. But our time together felt so right and so damn good. Our feelings for each other are openly discussed and it’s so intense, scary and “right”.

But he is still married, he insists time will work everything out. He wants to be with me so bad. He questions why he married his wife instead of me. He has 3 kids with her (16year old twin boys and a 11-year-old boy). They don’t live with him (they haven’t lived with him for the past 5 years or so) ; she lives in Texas and he lives in the Caribbean. He sees them; maybe 3 times every few months…I am unsure. I don’t ask. He works a lot and his focus is providing for them.

He wants me and my son in his life…he insists we cannot get away from him again. He will find us wherever we go and intends to assert himself in our lives and take care of us the best he could. He is not going to lose us again. He cannot give us up and forget us (I have asked him to many times, I told him he needs to let us go and focus on his family. He cannot have 2 women and 2 families). I told him I have been fine on my own for 5+ years and don’t need him. I deserve more! If he\we doesn’t stop this, someone or everyone will get hurt eventually.

So I know how you all feel. I know what it is to love a married man. I know and want to tell you all…stay strong, believe you deserve more, believe you are worthy of more, focus on yourself – go back to school or something & pray hard for answers (they will come). I have been crying (maybe daily) from the time Shawn has reappeared in my life. He has caused so many feelings of hurt and anguish to “rise” to the surface. Feelings I had buried so deep and never dealt with. He has also resurrected feelings of love, kindness, warmth, understanding, friendship…all the good feelings we women long for from a man.

For now, I keep praying and begging God for strength to live daily and move forward and for answers. I am furthering my education and intend to complete the course very soon. I am planning my annual vacation and intend to take it with my son. I am considering migrating to another country that has better opportunities for my son. I am daily trying to focus on the positive and giving praise for blessings. I am blessed – I have love from a man who loves me and refuses to not give up on me even if I give up on him, I got to experience love again ( with dinner, dancing, movie, gifts) I treasure those memories so much, my son has a father and another grandmother and I have the love of God who understands me completely and forgives me when I mess up and saves me many times over.

Let us all pray for each other and keep each other in our thoughts. Loving a married man is extremely hard. And there are those who will judge you and condemn you and those who will understand that you didn’t chose this. God is our judge and whatever we do we have to face the consequences of our actions. Stay strong and blessed and positive.

PS: apologies for the very very long post.

Jessica on March 08, 2020:

I am dating a married man. At first it was just an accidental fling. Then we started going away together. He takes me on all these weekend trips, pays for everything, and asks me to pretend to be his wife! He’s always kissing me. He’s always loving on me. Even people have commented on it. I think he really likes you, my friends say. I don’t ever think we will be together, but he sure says things that make me very emotional. Talks about leaving his wife and I could fit in his family. I have been married and I do not want that at all. I’m just so confused really. This was a big mistake and now we’re in too deep!!! We have been seeing each other for 4 months every couple of weeks on these mini vacations. It’s fun but when it’s over I am now becoming sad. Wondering when I will see him next! Ugh!

Emma on February 14, 2020:

I've been on again off again with a man for 24 years. I'm married, but just till our son is raised, everyone involved knows this. I've pushed the other man away time and again because he was never open about having feelings for me, then he comes back into my life again as he's planning on getting married. I again avoid him, but one month before his wedding we get together, he claims he's loved me, still does but is still getting married. Ugh... my heart has been breaking over and over for years. Now that he is married I have issues with it, being a newlywed is way different than two people biding time. but I hate doing that to another woman also, but in my heart, I can't let him go. I know I need to for my own good, he can't possibly love two women. I'm an idiot.

TT on February 10, 2020:


Why don't you go dating a single and available man? save you so much more troubles down the road. Stop wasting your valuable time with married man. SO not worth it. Get out.

Dating a married man is one of the WORST experience you can do to yourself. Big mistake - he's is fooling you, using you, taking advantage of you and looks! he already tried to control you -

Well, if you choose to date a married man - I would say DON'T - but if you do - go ahead and have a boyfriend. At least it's the back up plan -

Rara on February 08, 2020:

am dating a married man but he doesnt want me to have a boyfriend! what should i do!?

love on January 21, 2020:

Dear friends,

So many of people get hurt over relationship with a married man and yet, no matter how many times people give you advice over and over again....you still can't get out. It's easier said than done.

whatever your situation is- the love threat that connect you two together got cut or disconnected - You only lost a person who truthfully does not love you. However, he is the one that lost a person that truthfully loves him. It's you.

Lost a person who does not deserve you or respect you, what's the trouble? why so sad?

Use your valuable time and self -respect to open the door for whom he is truthfully available and appreciate you.

Morally confused on November 16, 2019:

Like hundreds of women here, I have been dating a married man but for 6years. This guy has been open since the first day we met that he’s technically married but that they have two kids, 1 which is autistic among other things. For this reason they have this unspoken agreement that they would wait until they’re kids are 18 and graduated before separating, selling their house, and so on . Over the years I’ve attempted to break off the relationship because I felt morally wrong, and that a small part of me knows it wasn’t going to develop into anything more than a secret relationship. I’m talking about not talking over the phone when he’s around his kids or at times when he’s home, not celebrating anniversaries of ours, no one to kiss on New Years, no valentine, no celebrated birthdays. I’ve had some horrible relationships and he was the first person to ever treat me with kindness, generosity, respect, etc. His kids are now 18, his daughter is off to college, his son attends college but lives at home yet he shows no effort in moving forward with his plans to leave his wife, sell his house, or introduce me to any of his friends. I know the answer to this problem and that’s to end this, but I fear I may never meet anyone who is kind, respectful, considerate, and accepts my kids like he does. Never had I thought that I would be in this type of predicament. I’ve attracted many men(some married) but never did I engage with someone involved with another woman. I’ve always shared a emotional obligation to never subject another female to that. Hearing everyone’s story about their experience further strengthens me to end this so called relationship. I appreciate you all putting yourselves out there and sharing.

isayear on October 29, 2019:

I wish women would just not do this. It's wrong and crappy..My friend did it but I kind of resent that she would not care about his family.

I wish men wouldn't lie and cheat and that women wouldn't participate.

Regrets on October 23, 2019:

I was a single parent and was just looking for someone to love and care for me and my daughter. I ended up meeting this wonderful guy at my job and unfortunately he was married. He told me he was miserable in he’s marriage and so he left he’s wife and kids. After that we ended up together and having a child together. My husband ended up leaving he’s ex wife for me. We’ve been married for 17 years. And let me tell you it’s not a good marriage. We have a wonderful daughter who I love so much but it’s very sad that she has been missing out on so many things that she needs because of her father having to pay so much money for child support. He’s almost done paying it but I’m just so unhappy how things have turn out. So I’m basically telling all of you to end the relationship with that married man. It’s not worth it. If I could do it all over again I would definitely do things differently. It makes me very sad to hear that so many woman are tangle in a mess like this. I wish I had family and friends who could of given me better advice and maybe things would of been differently for me. I know love is blind and it’s hard to let go. But trust me it’s not worth it. You will always be second in the relationship even with he’s family. And you will always be marked as the woman who broke he’s marriage. And it’s not fair that woman always gets blamed for something that he did. Its sad that man even to this day still have the power to do what they want and not take full responsibility for there actions. I hope that this would help all of you who are struggling with the decision that I had to make. I will pray for all of you who are struggling with this choice.

Lyn on October 19, 2019:

I dated a married man for 2 years and still he's making excuse to leaves his wife, but I still loves him. Now i tried to get out but I just don't know how. Maybe this is how stupid I am. Being stupid means " see the truth , know the truth but still believe the lies.

Jane on October 19, 2019:

He was my colleague with a much higher position than me. He’s with a partner of 9 years, never married but stay together. We start exchanging text messages for a month before we met each other and end up slept together. I told him I will not ask for him to leave his partner, I said I would understand if he wants to stop all these one day.

And then after 2 months of flirting and texting daily, he suddenly went quiet. I texted him 2 days after not receiving anything from him. He said he felt overwhelmed by guilt to his partner, and he does not to continue cause it will cause me more pain if we carry on longer than that.

It’s been 3 weeks and I’m still thinking and missing him everyday. I still want him, I’m just not ready to let him go.

NAN on October 10, 2019:

Dear Morally Strong,

I actually started to cry reading your letter. You and I are so similar. The part at the end - where you say "He has filled my life with the utmost joy of love and kindness.. Please tell me how to break this off so he can make pertinent decisions in his life and live whole with his wife. Or leave her and take a chance with me!" just broke my heart for you. I pray God gives you (and I) grace and strength to do what is best for us:) XO

Morally strong on October 10, 2019:

I HATE doing this yet I need advice from people who are not in my predicament. Or who are.?

Yes...... I’m dating a married man.

No...... we have not been intimate based on my moral fiber.

I am financially secure.

I am a divorcee,who married extremely young .to a man who is characterized as bi polar.

This is certainly not my issue.

I met a man that has all of the characteristics that I have desired for many years...

He’s smart, intellectual, hip, and amazingly wonderful.

My problem is that he is married.

His wife lives thousands of miles away chasing her career.

I was petrified to even date on any level being that my current relationship basically ended in a total war zone.

I left with virtually nothing to gain my freedom.

I love this man yet as of late I am feeling that I should not put any effort into it since he has not made the move to divorce his wife...

It’s been 1.5 years.

They do not cohabitate together yet ( on occasion) he flies to where she is and visa versa.

I feel completely lost with this because when my marriage was over I did not make one effort to fly anywhere to see him.

Or help him in any manor.

My counterpart states that he loves me?

Yet my pain and angst over this seems to be otherwise.

I am more than prepared to walk away from it all being that I am not compromised!

He plans a future with me and he’s Leary of the outcome yet I have tried to end this emotional affair from the beginning : with him luring me in with promises that I feel will never exist!

I love him and want a life with him yet I simply can not wait years for him to divorce.

I do not know how to express this to him without him calling or texting throwing me a rope to hold on to.

I know he loves me and I am very grateful yet I want to spend my life with someone who is 200% emotionally available as well as Mentally..

He has filled my life with the utmost joy of love and kindness..

Please tell me how to break this off so he can make pertinent decisions in his life and live whole with his wife.

Or leave her and take a chance with me!

Thank you,

TheeChosenOne on October 05, 2019:

If a man is married leave him alone. There is no making it worth your while. If he truly loves his wife and his kids, you will end up getting hurt. Also, I don't know if you believe in karma, but when you finally do find that guy who you think you want to marry, he will probably do this same crap to you.

Shushyamouth, sorry but that man does not love you. He loves what you do for his ego. He loves the luxury of fun and no true responsibility to you. I'm not saying he doesn't like you. But if he truly cared about you, he would respect you too much to let this go on.

Everyone please love yourself enough to know that you deserve better. That man's wife deserves better. And he deserves to be punched in the head.

Alsina Molise on September 24, 2019:

I for one am involved with a married man.. But in my case i was with him even before he married that woman.. I've been with him longer than his wife has.. I found out that he was 4 months married in our 5th year.. I was utterly shuttered.. Thinking that i gave up everything for him and still he sees me as nothing.. He managed to convince me to stay with him.. They renewed their vows and i was still there.. The very same day they renewed their vows he kept on texting me.. He even came to my house on the very same night of the whole ceremony and slept over.. He doesn't promise me to break it off with her instead its like he wants me to become the second wife.. Unless that's just to cover up the fact that i am unimportant to him.. What kills me the most is that my entire family knows about him and my mother loves him a lot because he has been with me through the toughest times of my life, especially when my mother was extremely sick... So i kinda feel locked to him only cause of that.. He has also introduced me to his family except the mother.. I honestly don't know what to do..

Gita on September 23, 2019:

Im in relationship with married man since 3 years. He has two children and wife and they are very far. But we are staying together. He is always with me in ny happiness and sorrow. He helps me a lot. The reality is, he can't marry with me he id loyal with his family. Im in confusion what kind of love it is? It is true love or fake. I feel happy when he is with me. But sometimes feeling guilty coz he goes to see his family twice a year for 2/3 months and that time is sooo soo hard to spend time for me. It is sure that we won't be together forever because he can't leave his babies and wife. So, how can I separate from him? Or is this love or what?

Gita on September 23, 2019:

Im in relationship with married man since 3 years. Its very hard to leave him.

Dea on August 31, 2019:

A married man is bad enough.. imagine a married boss! Im in so deep i cant think of anyone else and cant imagine a future other than my job. I became a manager and im so high with the sense of importance i cannot leave. He is extremely sweet and caring on some days, extremely aloof on others. His wife is always around and his kids are too young to understand divorce. He says he wishes he could just leave her but hes scared of losing his kids..

He made it very clear at the start that im not allowed to fall in love but now he doesnt seem to hold onto it. He wont accept other girls hes attracted to to work so i wont get jealous (which used to be the only thing needed to get accepted)

And dont get me started on the age gap! Talking about daddy issues..

He seems to care a lot about me and is a very desirable man, although he seems to push off women at the last six months. I care too much about him. Hes really fucked up inside amd i really feel like i understand him like no one else does.

Dont get into it. Sooner or later you cant leave and you end up hurting every single day.

Sinphorosia on August 28, 2019:

There is this married man that has been asking me out for close to 3 months now..He has 2kids ..He shows me love, care and he is always there for me..I already have a boyfriend who is very far from me and will not see each other for years..Am so attached to this man and am falling in love with him..Am confused..Need an advice

Yaya on August 25, 2019:

Well, here's my question if you dating a married man and he wants you be his second wife, what do you do?

M SHAFIULLA on August 19, 2019:

Im interested

Lynn on August 15, 2019:

To Faith

Don't do it. Just don't. I'm 5 years in and cry almost every day. I'm too sucked in to leave. The jealously is unbearable and always second guessing how he feels about me. It hurts so bad. Tired of crumbs. I deserve the entire loaf.

Nana on August 13, 2019:

I have been seeing this seeing this man, am 29 and he is 40, he is married with 2kids, his wife is in Eastern Africa with his kids he visit them Every after two months, he is so nice to me and claime to love me so much but have no plans of divorce and he love his wife. Am very happy with him, he gives 100% time and attention butI will love to get married one day and start my own family. Any advices for me?

Maria on August 11, 2019:

I have the same situation with Darleen I'm in a relationship with a married man for almost 2 years and he even hurting me for several times and he even abort my baby without a permission. In Taiwan it was legal to do it. He is 43 and I'm 23 years old.. He always lying to me and I know he even slept with his wife even though he always denying it. How I wish I can let go of this kind of situation . May God guide me for everything and give me strength to face it.

Faith on July 21, 2019:

There's this married man that has been asking me out for the past 5 months now but I keep turning him down because I never planned to date a married man in my life but he is a good and nice man and he can give any time i asked him for something he doesn't hesitate I'm confused i don't know what to do because I have a boyfriend already.

Olivia on July 16, 2019:

Am worried and asking myself questions because i love this guy though i came to know that he was married and when i asked him,he said they separated but had a son with her.He always pursue me when i decide to let go of the relationship out of the arguments we always have.and yet he doesn't support me financially.should i just run away from it,am really getting fed up but i love him!!

Mel913 on July 09, 2019:

I been with him 3 years he keeps promising me a future but as time goes on he got married to her had a baby and still says he loves me and wants me I been sleeping alone for 3 years how is this love I feel in love with a married man why he was not married when I got with him how do men love a women and make them sleep alone he takes care of me but I am hurting always thinking he messing with her or is he telling the truth he says he sleeps on the couch he there for the kids now I am on birth control and she has the baby his promises to me he gave her this is not his first time doing this to her he had a kid with someone else and they are still together

Kara Mayo on June 28, 2019:

I feel in love with a married man in 2011. We never did anything about it - his feelings for me were the same. I moved out of town because I didn't want to have any part of it but was crushed. He emailed me that he left his wife and said his marriage had been strained for years. Months later when I got off my work assignment overseas I came back to be with him. My friends all told me it would be a disaster.

It has been 7 years now that we have been married and we are more in love with each other than when we first met. I am the luckiest woman on the planet. Some things were meant to be.

d town girl on June 10, 2019:

I am dating am in love with a married man now I don't know what to do cause he has me in his other place and wont let me go out unless I am with him but he gave me the story cause he is keeping me safe and out of what I want and need to do but he said a lot and did a lot to get me now I do more for him than he does for me and I am always alone and before he was always want to go places with me and have fun with me and I know he tells her lies and now he is lying to me too how do I get out before I get hurt more

Joy on June 04, 2019:


You only said one side of the story - did you have an affair with her? You know Are you also playing game with her - believe me - Karma.

What if she kill herself because of you? You think you are not guilty in this game of two? bad karma will happen to you or your kids, if you have a daughter or sister and some guys did this to them and they kill themselves. So don't be cruel to people play with their emotions. You laughed at her because she is in love with you and you are in a healthy state after all this? so cruel

gerry on May 11, 2019:

i worked in a bank doing cover work . when this idiot of a director thought she would play games with me . luckily i was to smart for her games . she called me out one morning in froint of all the workers askin me did i love her . i said yeah right . she took this as me being serious . but as time went on . she started being in the kitchen every time i arrived there to do cover ie stalker alert . i never done any thing just keept quiet about it . she then started to get agressive . then the tensions startede to rise between the both of us . luckly my company lost the contract and i was free . only fr a few out side work stalkings . now after not seing her for nearly 8 weeks i found out over the internet .ie that shes now in conflict with her heart and mind . and conflicted to . the moral of this is that she started it and now it looks like her actions have back fired on her and shes now in love with me . but in conflict with herself .now im in a healthy state after all this . so what goes around comes around does exsist hahaha

Mollymagee on May 02, 2019:

I hope everyone here is getting STD tested on a regular basis because if a married man will go behind his spouse's back for sex another woman (mistress, affair partner, wacko on the prowl) ...he'll go behind his affair partner's too and cheat on YOU as well. Sorry ... gotta speak my truth ladies. And yes, I was the wife who had to go through the humiliation and TERROR of STD testing (and he did too) when his affair came out because of course (and most do) they threw caution to the wind and didn't use protection. I hope the women posting here as the "eager and willing affair partners" could experience the pain (even for one day) of being the betrayed spouse and see the look on their devastated children's faces when they realize that dadd is lying and manipulating and willingly destroying their family for his own pathetic and selfish purposes. Why don't these men just leave their wives? Because they are having their cake and eating it too... a a naive and unsuspecting wife who is raising their children for them, probably working her own demanding job and doing the lion's share of household work (in other words, a nanny, with a wedding band) and giving the respectability they want to have to lead successful male lives (and a wife, who they claim, they love) and a sex-bot or sex toy playmate in their affair partner (who they also, claim they love too) and not paying the consequences, that is, until they caught. Or reveal the affair themselves. But most screw up and get caught because 90% of affairs happen on phones and computers and leave a digital trail that can never fully be erased... it lives in the cloud forever even if he deletes his history. Anyone, with any IT experience, can find it. Men rarely leave their wives for affair partners because most are pussies and can't be the agents of change or truth. They'd rather lie, manipulate and gas light their wives (and probably their affair partners too) than be true men and speak their truth: they want out of a marriage or an affair relationship or both. They sometimes think they are doing less damage than if they asked for a divorce... they are wrong. Men, in particular, who cheat rarely leave their wives/families for their affair partners and, when they do, it very rarely lasts. So ladies ask yourselves... if being someone's "baby" (gross! and btw... get some help with that issue - sounds like you are the victim of incest in your past) or just delusional (Ss) is what you dreamed of as a young girl... by all means continue to help destroy a marriage and family. And don't think one word you are hearing about his wife is true... "oh poor him"... they don't have enough sex, romance, he doesn't get the bj's he got when they first married... etc. etc. Well ask him when is the last time he took the kids for a full day and nigth so his wife could have a day/night to herself? or ran a wash and dryer and then folded all the clothes?, emptied the DW?, ran the vacuum and pulled the house together?, cooked her a beautiful meal?, arranged a holiday meal and all the trimmings and fixings so the in-laws could be impressed?, took the kids for photos, sports practices, recital rehearsals and appointments?, dealt with the PIA mother-in-law (oh Christ - her - his mom!! Don't get me started)?, ... I hope you are laughing cause that IS marriage! Oh and don't forget the sexy bills, taking kids to doctor or ER in middle of night for emergency or dealing with aging parents). Honestly, grow up ladies.. if you don't want to be moms or wives... more power to you but don't go f'in it up for some other woman who did choose to commit and is a mom and/or wife. Stop helping to wreck these women's lives and realize these men are using you!!! Faced with the certainty of losing their family life (which also helps their income level!) and wife (even if she is not giving him enough sex and/or letting him down other ways; btw, he's not giving her enough sex either and letting her down too!) - these men are not going to dump their wives for YOU; they are going to dump YOU! Hope this has given you all something to mull about when you are inviting a married man to help betray his wife, children and extended family thru the charade of an affair. Get yourself a real relationship.. or here's a thought- focus on yourself and get your happiness through a healthy relationship with yourself which will, hopefully, lead healthier people to want to be in your life as lovers or friends. Just some thoughts from the other side. And again, just please... grow up already!

Cat on April 27, 2019:

Hi all i am separated for 3 years now. I loved my husband we have 2 kids, but he left me for a much younger girl. I have been on and off in relationship with men both married and single,until i met this man. He told me at the onset that he was married. I really didn't have issues with that bcos i loved him. I found out lately that he is cheating on me with other women apart from his wife. I really am mad at him and want to leave but i still really love him. What should I do? I need advice help me ladies

sweet and honest on April 01, 2019:

I have been with this sweet caring loving married man. For over 7 years, I left a couple of times because when the reality hits me and I reminded myself of how I’ll never have him, I run. However I keep making 360 degrees back to him every time I try a new relationship I end up back with him because I honestly love him so much. And he loves me. I’ve been there since his wife got pregnant I became extremely jealous and ran. Now his child is 5 years old and we’re back together. I’m 28 and I need to start settling structuring my life. I can’t love another because I don’t want to. He doesn’t discuss his life with me about his wife and I admire that. Never said anything bad about her. He tells me he loves me and how he marry because at the time he went through awful relationships and needed a life. Now I’m left with deciding if I should hold on to him and see how it turns out and not run. I want to have a child for him and comit but I’m scared he might never leave his wife. Sigh.... I need to decide if I should stay and stop running or leave and never look back. How do I prepare for either decisions?

Ss on March 18, 2019:

I’ve been with a married man now for 7 years. He has 2 twins a boy and a girl they are into freshman in high school. His wife knows about me. She’s come after me once, and she’s attacked me over texts and phone calls many times. But it still hasn’t stopped him. We see each other a lot and we text every day all day. I’m just at the point where I don’t know how she’s still with him, why didn’t he leave. Why won’t he leave. He always says “she’s not the only one involved” but it’s been 7 years when is enough enough. Do I just give up. We are going away in a few months for the first time together but he has a work meeting too.

Ss on March 18, 2019:

I’ve been with a married man now for 7 years. He has 2 twins a boy and a girl they are into freshman in high school. His wife knows about me. She’s come after me once, and she’s attacked me over texts and phone calls many times. But it still hasn’t stopped him. We see each other a lot and we text every day all day. I’m just at the point where I don’t know how she’s still with him, why didn’t he leave. Why won’t he leave. He always says “she’s not the only one involved” but it’s been 7 years when is enough enough. Do I just give up. We are going away in a few months for the first time together but he has a work meeting too. Any and all thoughts would be great, I’m just so lost.

Lynn on February 19, 2019:


You should get out. He may not even be who he says he is. You haven't met him face to face. You haven't been intimate so no loss. Let him go before you find it impossible to. Trust me. Im 4 years in and cant walk away.

RDY on February 18, 2019:

Im a married man 20+years. Ive been dating a single mom of two for two years. In the begining it was just her and myself then me, her and the girls. OMG they are soo darling. I attend some of her family functions like xmas dinner, birthdays and what not. My marriage has been in termoil way before my affair. We have a son in college and in debt up to our eyeballs. My wife and I sleep in seperate rooms now for almost three years and no we do not have sex we have tried but our bodies will not respond to each other. I know if I leave home this woman will accept me in her life but I will be so finacially disturbed how can I help her and her children. I know thats not my responsibility but those girls OMG.. Shit or get off the pot I guess...

Mi on February 12, 2019:

My husband passed away after 40 years of marriage. Maybe something was missing but i got involved with my married Chiropractor who has been married for 25 years and has 2 adult children and we began a sexual affair. We met two or three times a month at my house but after 6 months I had decided to end our fake relationship. He liked having access to me and i was a breath of fresh air in his busy mundane life. He had never cheated before and often expressed guilt. He really was a good man. Fact: he was not available to me and i was wasting my time on someone who could never be there for me. I broke it off, without a word. Blocked his number...Cold turkey. He will never value me or appreciate what he had with me so it was time to let go. He violated his ethics and his vows and couldn't justify it. I didn't want to ruin his life either. I'll be fine. From now on I will measure the quality of every man who comes into my life and if any of them are like my late husband i won't let them go.

Lalaacadia on January 29, 2019:

I’ve been talking to a married man for six months and what started out as a friendship has become slightly more than that..slightly meaning we live very far from each other East Coast versus West Coast and though I know he is committed to this family we have had very deep conversations of the what if‘s, life, family etc....and he has mentioned that if we lived closer to each other it would be a wrap! the chemistry we have is insane and that hasn’t been to do with even intimacy I could only imagine that... I care a lot for him as he does me. we have mentioned about one day hopefully being able to meet one another and Actually hold each other and have deep conversations face-to-face. I just don’t know where to go from here as I know we live very far away from each other and how to continue this. I care a lot for him. And from the beginning was very honest about his relationship with his spouse who he has gone through a lot with and not in a good way either..if so anyone out there with advice please help? Not sure to continue or wait to see what could be.

Lala on January 29, 2019:

I’ve been talking to a married man for 6 months what started out as friendly has become slightly more. Slightly meaning we live many many miles apart. West coast vs East Coast. The chemistry we have is crazy...never thought I’d be here but I am. I know he loves his kids and spouse but he says the pull here is real. Of course intimacy has not happened but he has talked about one day hoping to hold me and hold a face to face deep conversation...I just don’t know where to go from here. He’s mentioned that if we lived close by it would be a wrap. Just don’t know where his heart truly lays. Help anyone?

Nancy152 on January 20, 2019:

I’ve been dating a married man for almost 5 years. He has lied to me since the beginning, finding out he doesn’t live with his Moms at the tender age of 43, 1.5 years later. He was living with his roommate who has children. 2 years later finding out that these are indeed his children. I continued to carry on because he wasn’t in love with her, he was just there for the children. He slept on the couch. Funny huh? Well this past weekend I called because he was home with his daughter and she went out. I had lost my house keys, he never answered my calls to help me as he had a key to my home. Surprise I went to his house and he wasn’t even there. His wife was. I talked with her and she started asking questions. I told the truth, now I am the person who ruined his whole life. He never even liked me as so he says. But yet 4 to 5 days a week he came took me to dinner, stayed here in my bed having sex with me. Telling me he was going to leave just not now. I was controlled with who I could talk to, what I can say. Please if you are in a relationship with a married man get out before he destroys your heart. He was so loving to me. Took care of me. Told me how much I meant to him. But now I meant absolutely nothing to him and this was my fault. Just as stated, yes indeed she told me he was sleeping in her bed and yes they were having sex. Lies! All Lies since the first day we met. Please get out and save your heart and soul. It is so painful to be told all the horrible truths. I thought he was different than others that cheat. But truly he is the worst kind of married man anyone can meet.

Maelie on January 08, 2019:

I love this article so very much. So true that you find yourself rejected and left alone when you put everything in the same basket for a married man.

Brad on December 24, 2018:

If your married men are real and have been honest with you from the beginning and treated you as top priority compared to his family. Made you laughed, the most happiest person in the world and would discussed whenever you face problems. Would you consider to keep the relationship? Not all married men are brutal liars. Men heart are bigger than women for sure. One is for real love and one for family and status. There are commitment and divided responsibilities to ensure how the society look at them. Sounds weird but that's the facts. Just make sure they are not sleeping together. This topic should also differentiate true and genuine married men Vs those heartless men who uses their loved ones for own desire and selfish motives. Some men have also invested heavily when comes to long term emotions and impact when the time comes...

2005 on December 20, 2018:

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger,


Gogirl25 on November 21, 2018:

I liked some of this until the BS about making a man pay for you or support you. How dare you demean women and make them think the only thing they deserve is cash. They are not hookers. Jeez. Maybe you are trash and think the only time you ate worth someone’s attention is if you bang them. (I don’t really think that and I’m sorry - but your read on this is terrible).

ME on November 12, 2018:

Hi, this will sound ridiculous but I have no one else to ask because I’ve gotten myself into a mess it seems. I met this guy in a foreign country. He asked me out, and I was instantly drawn to him before he even spoke to me. We had coffee. I asked straight up if he was married or had kids. He said he was separated and had two adult children. When he said separated I thought literally separated like they are no longer together but not yet divorced. I had to go back to my country. We kept in touch. I asked him if I could come visit he said sure. I came to visit and we started our relationship. The bad thing is it’s now coming up two years and I’ve been traveling back and forth every few months. This whole time I’m thinking he is very serious about us. But I’m not sure now. When I come to visit we are living together which I feel terrible about. Then come to find out after a month of being back again with him and I’ve started Indi work projects here he asks me to go home for two months because his wife wants to visit... HUH!!!??? What!???? For two months? I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve invested a lot into this relationship. Then I say no, I’m not leaving. He says ok.. then says ok can you go home for a month in Janurary. I get furious again and don’t know what even to do. I told him if he is still having sex with his wife who I thought he wasn’t it’s a BIG problem for me.. and I can’t be with him. I didn’t tell him that very last part though. The problem is I think he really does love me. I love him. We never fight, and get along great and laugh all the time. He is always saying I’m an angel and he knows I need to be with someone better than him, I’m starting to believe him now. I do like the advice on this article though it’s actually very sensible if you are crazy enough to get involved with a married man. The other problem is my guy is from a different country and in his religion and culture it’s extremely difficult and almost impossible to get a divorce. To make things even more weird is I had waking visions I was going to meet someone who loved me for about 2.5 weeks before we met. It was ongoing. The entire time until I met him. Life is very strange and I can’t explain it. I’m confused and feel guilty and don’t know what to do. But I feel like if he is still going to be with his wife maybe I should date others too. Once in awhile I feel he is being fake but majority of the time I feel he is being sincere. Also he said he had a 7 year telationship with another woman. She still calls him sometimes but I’ve been a coward to ask him about it. He never answers those calls in front of me. My family knows about him but they don’t know he’s married. I’m starting to think I should end it except I felt like we were supposed to meet for s reason. Can’t explain it ..

Babygirl on November 11, 2018:

I am 26 years old and have been having an affair with my best friends father since i turned 18. I know he won't leave his wife and family, but in the meantime we are having sex every day, talk to each other about what we're doing, what would happen if it got out and of course day to day problems at work. We have been so careful, even while i was living in the house. It started as a place to live, but i knew he wanted me since i was 13, the way he would look at me, lick his lips, pat my ass, rub his well endowed baggage. They treated me as their own, yet i have crossed the line, lied and yet it has still been one my happiest pleasures. We don't have time to worry, it is our time and yes it started out as lust, sex, at all hours of the day or night, but it has also turned into love. As hard as it is to take care of his wants and needs, i too have to take care of mine and so I to go out to take care of me, because one day, me is all i'm going to have. He treats me like a queen, we go away all the time, i have been to places all around this beautiful world because i satisfy him whenever, what ever he wants and i know this is his guilt by taking me away. We have made love on beaches, in the mountains, airplanes, elevators, cars, in the house when i was still living there, in my bedroom, his office, even his work office, nude resorts, chalets, and it goes on and on. He bought me a 1 carat diamond ring and wedding band and we even came up with a story for people to believe who didn't know us. He pays for a young gentleman to be at my beck and call for functions that include my friends and family, including his daughter, my bff. The past eight years i wouldn't trade at all, but we know it's coming to an end very soon, as i have met someone who is only 4 years older than me, not 18 , and we are starting to plan our wedding. No, he is not aware of my relationship with big daddy. All he knows is that this family took me in when mine didn't have time for me and i am treated like one of the kids. Big daddy will walk me down the aisle, my bff will be my maid of honor and life will go on the way i hope it will. All I know for now is big daddy was my first sexual partner and it has been a great time and I am still his baby girl.

Mallory on November 07, 2018:

I need opinions. Do you think a married man treats his wife similiar or the same? What I am referring to is manipulation, control, emotionally detached. I feel honestly that my boyfriend is mentally abusive.

Dawn on November 04, 2018:

I’m dating a married man. I never intended on feelings being involved but they are. His kids are grown so that’s not the issue. He says they do their own thing. Even one of her friends told me the sane thing without even knowing about us. We talk about him leaving her as they are talking about a seperation. We talk about a future. He calls and texts daily comes to my job daily. He’s very loving. Just confused a little

Jeanette Robles on October 21, 2018:

I met this guy almost 4 years ago! He is 18 years older than me, but he was so charming and nice a total gentleman, he ask me out and first thing I asked if he was married, he said he was divorced, so we went along, going out having drinks, nice dinners for couple of months, then I decided to introduce him to my friends and coworkers on one of my birthday dinners, after that everything was great I met his friends and the wives of the friends, we had a great relationship until on of my coworkers one day told me that her husband has seen me with my boyfriend and he mentioned that he was married!!! Omg my heart felt I felt broken I lived this guy already, any ways I broke up with him but after he begging me and apologizing so many times he said yes I am married but she doesnt live with me no more she takes care of her dad that is sick so she is always there she comes sometimes because she still has some things in the house and the house is under her name, he said that he was just waiting for his son to graduate to leave her, he Hadn’t get a divorce because of his kids, but he said he would, I decided to belive in him, we went along with the relationship for another year or so, then my family found out he was married things got complicated, even then I stood up for this relationship and decided to be with him, thinking I can wait until he divorces when his kid graduates, but I just didn’t understand why his family didnt know about me and thats when I started to think that may be he did had a relationship with her becuase alot of things didnt make sense, one night we got into an argument and I told him if you say she doesnt live with then I am going to sleep over at your house and he went off, so I decided to go to his house and as soon as I was there he was walking out begging me not to ring the doorbell, thats when I realized she was there and he had to confess that indeed she did lived with him but he said how each one had a room and they live like roommates I am still with him and I feel luke the worst person in the world, I dont know what to do, I’ve giving my all to this relationship, I dont know what to do he is asking just for 6 more months so he can figure out the separation stuff, but I dont know what to think anymore what to believe, I just feel broken, lonely and very depressed!

Nicole Lindsey on October 20, 2018:

I met a charmer on one of my travel job assignments, he was married as I. I was going through a divorce, but he is still married, i have been dealing with him since 2016 to now, i have flown to see him and now we work in the same city, he claim he is separtated, and not sleeping in the same bed, also claims they dont have sex. However, i offered him to stay with me, when he arrived in TX, and he did, we had sex everyday, well i overheard every conversation, i put camera's with sound all around the house so that i could hear every conversation, because he had told me to much. like he is separated, not sleeping int he same bed, she does not have sex, and he is tired of the situation. I feel bad listening, however i overheard him talking too her and the things i overheard, was crazy, like fighting, talk back and forth, about why she does not touch him, and why she does not help around the house and take care of the kids, and whay she smokes weed and drink for years. He had cheated on her with several woman for 10 years before he met me, i told him why dont you set her and yourself free, he said ite because of the two kid, want to tell them, but they are to small to understand. They are allways struggling financial, they dont have sex, she told him onthe phone that he knew she was not sexually active when they got married 16 years ago. So out of all of this he met me, and told me he cant see his life without me in it, and he loves me.

Dumped on October 20, 2018:

Do not say he will not leave his wife and children, i can honestly say he will. I was left with 4 children and he left for my best friend. It was devastating for me and my children, who had known her for 11 yrs. My fault was letting her be my confident. She knew every thing and used it against me. 27yrs is a long time to be with one man that was your love. We still feel the effects of a divorce and there is distance between our children and their father. His girlfriendv is not welcome to any family activites. So every event is hectic tovsay the least.

Stina Jay on October 12, 2018:

I've never dated a married man but now I find myself in love with one who seems to love me back. "Love" might be an exaggeration as we've never kissed... because I said no. But oh my God did I want to.

We were friends for six months before I had a clue he liked me. Then another six months and a few drinks in he spills it. His wife is jealous of me and he's had feelings for me for a long time. I thought we were just good friends who shared drinks, intimate stories, and nothing more. I was fighting some feelings for a few months but I figured crushes are health. Crushes clue you into what you like about people in general and make it easier to identify future good partners. But over the past few months I've had to practically stop myself from begging for a kiss from him.

Before he confessed feelings he confessed his marriage was troubled and she cheated on him three times. I thought "People lie about that sort of thing sometimes" but, no, it was true. He drunkenly confessed that to one of his best guy friends.

I guess you could call it an emotional affair but we've helped each other emotionally, intellectually, and artistically. I feel like I'm a better person for knowing him and I care about him very deeply as a friend... and now as more. I have thought about just asking him what he thinks about leaving his wife then giving us a chance. I know he thinks about me. But I also have reason to believe he will never leave her despite his feelings for me and the fact that she cheated on him three times. One of them with his best friend. I can't imagine why he would stay with her. That night, I confessed back that I do have feelings for him but I'm not going to date a married man.

Ultimately, if he really wanted to change his life he would have already divorced her, taken time to himself, and then swooped me up. Fantasy thinking perhaps. Which is why I haven't made a move. But I couldn't stand to lose his friendship. I dream about what it would be like to have him in my bed. In my mind he's already kissed every inch of my body.

Yet, I force myself to remember two things

1. if he wants you in his life he will make it happen

2. there are plenty of available men and I want a true relationship

SO I must contact him as little as possible. I haven't seen him in about two weeks and I miss him every day.

Advice, anyone?

Ania on October 10, 2018:

I am for middle East far away from your world but I want share my experience as well I get divorced 2 times with out any baby and after that I could not live in peace our society is very small and closed every body talking about me why she got divorce towice time some thing Is wrong with her . No family accept their son married with one lady who got divorced 2 times I have mastered degree but I could not find any job and my family dont wanted me more so what I did the most stupid thing I could do . I join to one dating website and find middle East man who is married with 3 kids I told him my life and he ask me go to country he lived there I make story for my family I am going for get my PhD I put my self in deep messy ..... I went we were together after 6 months he told me sorry I must back to the EU he has EU passport he is citizen there and for me with my passport I could not go he take his wife and family and leave me I back to my country with Brocken heart I just wish to die I just wanted to run away and now look at me .please know your value you deserve best leave him accept it's wrong you will sad for weeks or even months you will cry but it's the end of your sadness.

Marcus hoggard on October 01, 2018:

I got one don't marry a married man or a woman don't ruin somebody's home there's plenty of people out there Jezebel!!!

Love has enough to go around!!!

Pebbles on September 29, 2018:

I met a guy 3 months ago. For no real reason i hardly ever give out my number but I did this time. He had already texted me within the hour. We txted two days until i told him it was okay to call. We have talked every single day multiple times for last 3 months. Make a long story short i found out my own way he is married. I wasnt in love or anything but had just taken a strong liking to him. I said it was over ignored all calls and texts for a day called him next day n have been with him every since. He never has his phone out around me never makes me feel anything other than his woman. I honestly dont expect anymore than what we are. Talk text spend time go out sometimes. I was married 14 years to wrong man and right now after ths i dont know that i even want a man of my own. I plan to see him long as whatever and then be single again. Smh I never would think i would do this

Ana on September 22, 2018:

How very true.Dont believe married man x

Clarence on September 20, 2018:

I'm 28 years of age. I'm dating a married man. Like any other relationship everything was perfect. He makde it very clear that he's a married man. I made peace with that and even adviced him to go see her on weekends since i was staying with him. He always didn't want to go home but i was always pushing him to. As understanding as i was, i was very okay with the set up. A year down the line I was pregnant. Gave birth and he was there. Problems started when he told his wife about the child. The wife immediately wanted to file for divorce. To myself I'm thinking it's only because she's angry. But now apparently im not told about the latest of the divorce.

Yes i was understanding. But since i heard about the divorce my mind was like okay. I'll have him as a husband alone. I started having ideas of how we'd be happy or the set up at home. I love the guy. But he does not support me whatsoever. I'm tired of waiting for him. The other thing is, i no longer believe that there's divorce. I gave myself a time line but he's not aware. Sometimes i feel as though he uses me to fix things at home. More especially sex.

Tuesday on September 17, 2018:

I was married for almost 2 decades, divorced in my early 40s. I dated for awhile but most single men my age wanted something I didn't have to give. In my marriage I felt that I had given 150% of the 200% that should have been from the two of us - i gave too much, that's why I wanted out. So after the divorce I did not want another "all in" relationship. Truthfully I never craved marriage like a lot of women anyway, from the outside it looked restricting for women - and it was. But everyone - even the government tells you it's the thing to do to be successful.

Anyway after about a year and a half of being single and dating in my early 40s I met my married man. I did not know on our first outing (out with friends of friends), I was just having a good time, and he was super nice. I let him take me home, no thoughts of anything in the future. When he asked for a second date I knew that he was married - for a LONG time. He is 10 years older than me.

The fact of the matter is - I LIKE that he is married, it just works for me. I don't have to cook dinner, wash clothes, plan vacations, make dr. apts, etc. I tell him all the time to not even think about leaving his wife because I will never be that for him. At my age I know that a full time relationship would be nothing like we have - we are perpetually dating, and I'm fine with that.

He has decades with the wife, and grown kids, and I respect that - she can have the marriage, the kids weddings, the grand kids, the pensions, the family vacations - I don't want it - or the responsibility that comes with it. It's been 3 years and I absolutely am thrilled about the time we have together still. We go out on great dates, he is so much more responsible than the single men that are my age - he is stable and has his isht together and I love that. (It's probably because women are the ones who make men stable? It certainly was the case in my marriage.) He does help out with things financially - but I never asked him to, and don't really need it, but it is very nice, and I feel like HE feels a little obligated. He certainly pays for all of our outings.

All in all - it just works for me. I'm not opposed to seeing other men, but I haven't run across anyone who interest me (or who were interested in me either I guess). It's not off the table, and I do miss having someone to go on trips with - or to take to weddings or work events. So if I run across a flirtation that feels like it could be something more I'm still up for that, and my married man knows it as well.

At the end of the day I know exactly what my relationship is, as does he, and we enjoy it for that.

Fln on September 10, 2018:

It depends on how the two of you relate. I don't have a problem with my married boyfriend as long as we continue loving each other

Miss TLE on September 05, 2018:

I've been seeing a married man for the past 6 months and I can say after last night I had to find it in my heart to let it all go. It's been good at times. He's helped out some and has kept my mind free from others. But I realized last night that I'm truly in love with this guy and that wasn't my intentions at all. From us hanging out to the long face time talks he has shown me more attention than some of the single men out there. We met up last night and after I left I cried and told myself that I deserve more than this. Yes this is hard because it's like I was in a full relationship with him and our bond has grew stronger, but I know this can't go anywhere. If you're reading this wondering what you should do I would say get out when you can because it leads to a dead end road. I haven't even told him I was done with it all I just deleted his number last night and blocked him from calling or texting. That was something I had to do for me because I know I'm a good woman and I deserve to be happy.

sylvia mosley on August 31, 2018:

My daughter is going through this now.

Tina Crawford on August 27, 2018:

I met Nick 15 months ago. One of the 3 questions I asked immediately was "Are you married"? He said "No"! I found out August 14, 2018 that he had applied for a marriage license April of 2016 (I found it online and I wasn't looking for that...I misplaced his address so i decided to get it off line). I called the clerk of court and "BAM" the joker is married. No words...so glad I love the Lord..because if i didn't his family would be walking slow and singing low. Jesus take the wheel. Ladies stop playing the fool.

Elle from Washington D.C. on August 16, 2018:

I met B after loss of a mutual friend. I knew he was married the day we started texting and he asked to meet me in person, for memory of our Dear Late friend and we had lunch. I was happily divorced at the time when we met, looking for a somewhat meaningful relationship. He was very charming and I was under the spell the minute I laid eyes on him. I have always had the rule of never being involved with a married man but I guess being unable to find the right type of person and how charming he was with the way he talked to me and convinced me about his soon to be over marriage, relationship quickly progressed into intimacy and like no other before. He is 10 yrs older than me and at first he was saying about what was going wrong in his marriage and how she is a doctor and works so many hours and he is always alone and that he takes care of their son etc etvc. and I was like- umm not my circus not my monkeys. We literally became friends with benefits... but I did not pull down my online profile from dating sites. So after 3 months into it, I ended it- I asked to meet at a coffee shop and told him that I had met someone and that I did not know what would happen but that I was not going to go into anything having a guy on the side. It was hard.. he made it very hard.. he begged me to not to completely take him off my life and that we should at least remain as friends and so forth... of course the relationship with the new guy did not work out, I then went out on dates with many other guys but for whatever reason, it just never worked out. Being divorced and knowing what men are and can be like, has made dating very complicated. B kept texting, calling at random times and checking in on me over the course of 6 months. I mostly ignored all calls and texts but some I responded. Then after 7 months- still being single and being in my sexual prime (40) I texted him one morning and said I want you today at this time at this hotel, can you be there? and he said YES! This was exactly 8 weeks ago. Since then we have been meeting every Thursday after work, and have amazing sex for 3 hrs. then everyone leaves.. Not a word all week ( well mostly) but then rolls in Thursday... So last Thursday he was unable to meet me. Then out of no where Tuesday night he texts me at 8:00pm to see if I can meet him- and I was in a Board Meeting so I could not- then he said we ll meet Wednesday then he said he couldn't and to keep Thursday plan- well it is 4:30 and not a word. It was all fun and games the first 5 weeks but I think things started getting more complicated at home and now he s unable to get away- or lost interest- or maybe he met someonelse- end result; MEN WILL ALWAYS BE MEN. If we change our morals, rules for others- we will end up getting hurt.. we ll do things that we know are wrong but we will still do them and then... silence

I want all my fellow female friends on here to read their own stories as someonelses and see how they have the answer actually. Be the third person in the relationship- end it move on... respect yourself enough to see that this person is actually a LIAR, a MANIPULATOR and tell yourself you deserve better. I also know this for a fact that it is better to be alone than be in a toxic relationship....


Guest on August 09, 2018:

Really? I don’t disagree with this article completely but you shouldn’t be with a guy for monetary reasons in the first place. No man should be obligated to support you unless you are married, or living together in a long term relationship. Girls, take care of yourselves - you will be even more attractive to a man at that point. I hear women all the time saying how independent we are and that we don’t need anyone else yet we expect our boyfriends to support us financially? A loving relationship should not based on monetary values, live should be first. You should feel comfortable with this person. If you are in need, and tell your boyfriend you are in a rut then he should want to help you out if the kindness of his heart, not because he’s expected to because of your relationship status. What if he truly can’t financially help you? Are you going to hold that against him? There are many more ways to determine if a man loves you other than money. Start with what your gut tells you. Usually it’s right, we often don’t listen to ourselves because we want to believe the best. If you have doubts, look him in the face and talk it over with him. Don’t just expect him to give you money. That’s ridiculous. Money is not what love is all about.

Hope on August 09, 2018:

The ppl who write these seem to be some cold hearted person. With my relationship it's different. When we met n after we started dating he was separated and so was/am I. Only he went back to her. I'm not sure y, I didn't ask. He makes big sacrifices for me all of the time. And all men gets jealous so I'm not going to be stupid n do something that'll make him jealous. Advising that to me sounds like someone trying to sabotage other ppls good relationships. That's wrong.

I was having problems with this man n my bf went n talked to him about it. He made sure that I wasn't going to get anymore problems from him. Plus he stayed with me all night instead of going to his wife. I believe that she knows about us but won't tell. I mean even a blind person could see him going out of his way for me. Not to mention the long looks he gives me right in front of her. Then after he stayed with me she did something to make him feel guilty. I won't say what that is. So my relationship is nothing like what ur stories. He's here every night after work n only leaves if he has to.

wandy lora on July 16, 2018:

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Ebony on July 09, 2018:

Please I have been reading and going through all the comments I most confess this site has helped me alot reading and learning from other people's experienced.honestly dating a married man is the most hurtful experience you can ever have my advice to myself is quit from it keep your head high and move on. He can never do anything more to u that have uncountable and numerous sex with u. My experience here is short and to the point I knew this man for a short time but my guts didn't trust him I kept on making excuses for him. But I could not take it to the point where he will be with me and kept on calling his wife in my presence these when on for some time. Like seriously all I needed was fun but it should came with some respect. So I have decided to move on as if nothing ever happened to safe myself from emotional landslide

Mon Chou on June 30, 2018:

I'm currently seeing a married man for 2 years now. We both know that we are 'special' friends with benefits. The first time I met him, at work, I got attracted to him and then I saw his wedding ring, for a while I got sad. But he kept being him who is a great man and we got closer and we laughed together. I liked him again and fantasized about him. Then we kissed and kept doing it and after a month I invited him to my place. I was a virgin then, we did everything except penetration. It was my choice. He was respectful. He comes over 3-4 times a week and hooked up at work too. One day, he texted me that we needed to lay low because his wife got suspicious. She saw him parked at the corner of the street by their house on his phone. He said it was a call from work. He never called or texted for 3 weeks. I got mad because he can't even text me even if he's at work. (We were in different departments then) Then he reached out and we talked in person. I told him that he has 3 priorities. one himself, two his family, three his job. I told him that we will never have a future together (my point was, to keep his family). I knew where I stand, I never wanted to be his wife, (I would love to but I am not expecting and I want to be a mother in the future and he's already fixed so that would be a problem. I am not a homewrecker. I don't ask for money, he did give me flowers and candies then but I'm not expecting more because his wife might be suspicious with his credit and I don't want to get him in trouble and I still want to keep our relationship.We talk about his kids most of the time and I respect him and his family. We both know that I will be with someone who I can be with for the rest of my life. Btw, I gave my vcard to him and for now, we are still having fun.

Vasudha on June 30, 2018:

Every coin has two of its sides. The same is here. First of all, the question seems objective but it is not. It is rather subjective and has a full length of ifs and buts.

The strongest of the things in the universe that is love sees no boundaries. When you start falling for someone, you pay no heed to her/ his color, creed, caste, religion and even to marital status. So, if it is not wrong to fall in love, loving a married man is also no wrong.

But, it is wrong on the side of a married man/woman to enter into a relationship with some other person. That is cheating. That is wrong.

Even if it is not wrong to love a married man, it is wrong to keep a relation with him.

See, what happened when a woman had a huge crush on his married boss at https://www.bonobology.com/huge-crush-married-boss...

T on June 28, 2018:

I don't share my man to anyone. So no way in this wide world I would accept him to sleep with another woman. Luckily, I found that man for 17 years and still going strong....

A married man said he loved me, and I am telling you the chemistry is VERY strong.

Bottom line, I don't share a man with any woman as long as I live. If I die yes, he can sleep with other woman. If he or I cross the line. It's OVER. Just simple as that. So that said, I don't sleep with a married man who also sleep with his wife.

AGAIN, I DON'T share a man with another woman. I said that I do that with my clear consciousness.

So if you allow or accept the situation whether you like it or not, I am sorry but sounds like you are NOT a strong person at all. You're your worse enemy. Don't blame on him/her or feel SO SORRY for yourself.

You know Why? because, in the end IT'S NOT ALL WORTH IT. I RESPECT MYSELF ABOVE ALL. NO MARRIED MAN is worth it.

Aditi on June 26, 2018:

Affair with a married man is something like feeling as if you are inside a pressure cooker. Many and many things cook inside you. You just do not know what is happening with you and what should be done? You are in constant fix over the point that either wrong is happening to you or it is you are who is doing the wrong?

The sense of guilt starts to take over you and your affair with man and makes the situation go even worse.

But that even teaches you a lot of things. Most of the married men who have affair with other women are found to cheat even the girlfriend. They have commitment issues.

You can get amazing look at about dating a married man. This story is about a 17 year old lass who had an affair with https://www.bonobology.com/learned-affair-married-... (https://www.bonobology.com/learned-affair-married-...

Rae on June 22, 2018:

What if no kids are involved and his wife is never around. They are military so they rushed into a relationship and he already filed for divorce. She is deployed, but now she is coming back. He claims he is going to finalize everything and make sure his name is off everything, but im not stupid. He is ex military so they have that connection that I would never understand. After all he loved her enough to marry her even though they only dated for two months and she asked him first. When she gets back in town they are gonna have sex. I know it! I already cut things off with him, but he refuses to let me go. We arent the emotional type, so he will be like “no im coming over anyway i dont care”, he’ll get here and say “hey big head you still trippin?” I honestly feel like he dosent take what im saying seriously. We dont even have sex. Its been almost a month. Agin his wife is away and we been on this rollercoaster for 3 years.


He married in 2014

Met him online 2015

Found out he was married 2016 (through someone else)

Cut him off a month later and didn’t speak for months (when we finally sat down and talked about it.)

I got a boyfriend... then broke up 8 months later lol

Decided to become friends in 2016 and he apologized (i got mad and cut him off agin, i felt there was something more)

2017 he finally reached out and said he would tell me everything i need to know so i came over. He told me is wife got deployed but they are separated and he filed for divorce.

2018 Now we are falling hard for eachother, he met my family (they actually know he’s married, only the woman in my family and my dad)

Summer of 2018 his wife is about to come back... I dont trust him so i dont have faith he will go through with finalizing the divorce. So literally I ignored him and we hadn’t spoken in a week or two i left to go out of town and found a note on my door from him. I literally wanted to cry. It made me feel special. Come to find out his phone broke the day after I ended things. So I called his job and he was happy to gear from me and we laughed about the situation.

The sad thing is he was telling the truth about his phone. I didn’t believe him. I assumed his phone was on but didnt want contact with me because his wife may be back so he’s just stopping by on his free time.

I told him that we shouldnt still see eachother anymore and he should definitely focus on his wife! I dont want to be the reason he is getting a divorce! I want him to try one last time when sge gets back and I love him enough to see that he is happy without me.

Su on June 04, 2018:

The article feels like saying story of mine. I got love with a married man with 2 sons. We started our relationship with truth in our family. He has 2 kids I have one. We are in relationships since 5 yrs. after a year past I don't feel like someone touch me apart of my love so I left my husband. Even it is very hard and painful that when you know your love is having sex with his wife though you left your husband for him. He is saying he can't leave his wife and kids and me too. M really in depression and stress. I couldn't handle the situation anymore.m getting myself in a dark unknown world. M getting away from all happiness then also I can't leave this man. Why I have been chosen to have such depression. I want to come out but I can't leave him. I have told him. Don't leave them but please marry me, I want to stay with you atleast twice a week. It is very painful when he leave me everyday in a lonely world. Now I m feeling so lonely and he is having dinner with his family. What to do? Really I don't want to live. I m fail in life. I left my husband I ruined my life but I can't get him.

Nettie on May 29, 2018:

That is such a great article

PatLanesra on May 21, 2018:

Excellent tips! I have never related to an article this much. I'm falling for a married man and it's making me soft. I didn't plan to fall for him, I just wanted someone who's not fully available to hang out with. These days I don't mind paying for dates and I rarely ask for money from him. Reading this I think I should sober up and start making it worth my time. You're right, he's not sacrificing it all for me, why the hell should I!

Laura Lee on May 20, 2018:

I have been in a long distant relationship for 8 years. When we first met he said he haven't been married nor has any kids. Last year I have visited him and he showed me around his hometown and we even visited his mothers grave. I felt for the 1st time he shared something personal. Last year he proposed to me and we are planning to get married in aug, 2018. I have had this strong intuition during these years being with him he has been cheating on me. But I just ignored this suspicious feeling. The last 3 years he has been eager to start a family with me. Right now I am at his apartment all alone while he says he is 'working'. While he has been working the last 4 days I have been snooping around his place. The first day I found out he had 4 kids and a wife (saw hidden letters and pictures). I was devastated and really sad. The next day I found out he was divorced with 2 children. And I calculated that he was going through this divorce and was married later with this other woman (with 4 kids) and seeing me at the same time. I feel hurt because of his dishonesty and disrespect and much more. I developed feelings for him but I haven't confronted him yet about what I know. Yesterday he I asked him to sign the marriage license papers and he seemed reluctant and then he said he would contact his lawyer first because of the marital status would change his taxes. I am torn because this is exactly what happen with my father. He cheated on my mom with several woman. I felt resentment towards him and called his women for prostitutes. Now I am in the same situation being the other woman. I am in my late 30s and I am somehow desperate to have children and I feel like my clock is ticking, I feel sorry for his wife and kids (who sees him as a hero - read it from his kids letter with a drawing on them). Maybe I am being selfish just to have kids with him but I feel like I don't have the time to find another man. Honestly I don't think the marriage license would be signed. I know it's wrong to continue a relationship with him, but I have invested so much time and feelings that it would be hard to have a life without him.

Anyone who has experienced this conflict of staying or leaving a married man?

Troubled on May 17, 2018:

I am with a married man who has never lied to me about anything. He has never said that he is unhappily married or shown me dreams of getting married to him.

He has been very straightforward from the start. Even while he proposed he said he knows this is wrong but he can't stay away from me. We have discussed about our feelings a hundreds times and have tried to put an end to this but somehow we keep getting back.

He makes me his priority always. From the time I open my eyes till I close them he is constantly in touch with me. He shares all his problems, tensions with me. Our relationship is nt only abt sex. He guides me , supports me gives me good advices and looks out for me. He never misses an opportunity to make me feel special. I have a great bonding with his son too. He even discusses his son's progress with me. We both don't want to give him a broken family. Bt if incase he ever decides to leave her i m ready to accept his son with open arms. N this has been going on for the past 6 yrs. Our passion hasn't dropped even 1 % . Initially i used to hope tht he might marry me. But the way this relationship has shaped out marraige no longer seems important to me. Maybe i m going crazy....don't knw. But i want to stay in this relationship. This relationship is far better than the one i had with my ex hubby. N also he is very caring towards my daughters....he really looks out for them...discusses their future n wht all should b done for their future. Neither of us are dependent on another for financial reasons. We are independent bt dependent emotionally. Well does anybody out there understand this relationship?

WTF on May 16, 2018:

I can't understand the parts of this article where the married guy must financially support the mistress to make the affair worth her while? If a guy is sleeping with a married woman, does she have to support him financially? I honestly don't get it. A little old fashioned maybe?

I find myself sleeping with a colleague that is married with two kids. I don't feel good about the fact that he is married, but I am not doing it because he may support me financially or because he may help me buy a house or whatever. This sounds like prostitution to me, which in my point of view is a lot better than what I am doing, but that's beside the point.

I am sleeping with him because he makes me feel desired and wanted. He gives me pleasure like I haven't experienced before. It is my choice to be part of this, and this has nothing to do with money.

How does making him support you financially make things any better? It would make me want to kill myself if after having passionate sex with me, he sent me some money or dropped some notes on my bed.

I own up to the fact that I am a horrible person for doing this, I cannot justify it or make excuses. It is a selfish, demeaning and foolish act and that's the end of it.

I don't want him to leave his family. I love my independence and seeing him sporadically and with no emotional complications suit me well.

It sucks and it's a choice, so if it sucks that much, move away or deal with the consequences.

L on May 14, 2018:

If you are emotionally or sexually involved with a married person, you need to STOP immediately. EJECT, and RUN. Seriously. You may not have a clue but you are being complicit in the absolute destruction of another's life. Your "sweetheart"'s wife or husband did NOTHING to deserve what you and their spouse are doing to them. Your actions will VERY likely cause them to develop PTSD when they find out. If you don't believe that, you need to take a big step back and look at some of the current research about relationship traumas and betrayal. Serious. STOP. There is NOTHING. I mean absolutely NOTHING positive that comes from cheating. It is a cancer upon the lives of everyone involved.

Yetunde on May 14, 2018:

Am in a relationship with a married man,when ever I bring a topic that some days our relationship will end he will be mad at me,his he using me or what?

Mamngonyama on May 12, 2018:

Dating with a married man its not good becouse everything you need to do is limited i am dating with a married man its been 8 years now last year he proposed me but I didn't accept his ring i said i will accept it when he pay damage bcz now its only me and him know about this ring even his family didn't know about me.

vv on May 12, 2018:

I'm dating a married man who happens to have a girlfriend, so where do I stand in this.

lizzyautumn on April 30, 2018:

I have fallen in love with a man on the internet. we live in different country and so far . after 3 months he just told me that he has a family and kids already and they're still say in same house but he tolds he's unhappy with his wife cuz she just working, not much time see kids and if has holidays, she'll goes out to meet friends and now he really loves me. on this time i love him too and i believe him i think he doesn't love his wife already. after 1 year together, he tolds his wife will change job and i think that's nice cus she will spend much times with kids and after she was changing her job, yes she much more time for kids and stay home. but i don't think on that he will has not much time for me. now it's 2 years will 3 years soon, i have asked him much time if we can meet in real but he tolds he can't cuz he doesn't need lose kids, i asked him if he needs plan to divorce, he tolds not now cuz kids still small and kids important for him, he said "when he saw kids happy and saw she happy when together, it's make he feels bad if lose this" after i heard this i just need cry so much and i think it's impossible and just like build castle in the air. yes we talk much about dream or our future but after i heard this it's made make heart broken and i know at last he still will not choose me. and yes i need to know his friends, his family or live beside him one time he tolds me "stop stalking his family on facebook" i just go see but i cannot touch, i don't add or message cuz he fear his wife knows. i always know it's just a dream but i love him and he's a good guy. now i still not meet him in real and i don't know how to fight with this feelings, it's so complicated

alex on April 19, 2018:

I'm courtly dating with a man who was married. They are not together with the girl for 7 years and still not annulled. he was honestly telling me everything from the start and I can't help my self falling in love with this man. The man was afraid of getting new relationship with me but he was afraid of letting me go . what should I do?

Jazzy on April 16, 2018:

I'm glad I came across this. I'm seeing a married guy who totally lied about his relationship status. He's a coworker who gets angry at me when he sees me talking to other male co-workers. I needed this, thanks for the insight

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