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How to End a Relationship With a Narcissist

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how-to-end-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist

If you are in a relationship with a person who is incapable of considering your feelings, denies you their personal thoughts, or is hypersensitive to what others think of their success, material articles or intelligence, you may be sharing your life with a narcissist. In the extreme case of narcissism, the person may be completely self absorbed and can only think of how situations affect them. Known as detachment dysfunction, a narcissist may have had a profound childhood trauma that developed into an absolute mistrust of other human beings, and found the only use for them as tools. Extreme narcissists are trapped in childhood, and have never matured into an adult with empathy or the ability to share.

The Desire to Leave the Relationship

After many arguments without any resolution to the problems of your relationship, or the sudden realization that you have lost control of your life, you may consider leaving the narcissist and regain your sense of self. Unfortunately, you may be suffering from a depression from the effects of a tumultuous experience known as burnout. Finding the strength to leave may be compromised. So, what is the hold the narcissist has on you? Why can't you end this painful relationship that is leaving you physically and mentally exhausted?

Frequent Arguments Over Control

how-to-end-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist

Characteristics of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder is a broad spectrum of degrees, shapes and sizes. Researchers believe that it develops from psycho-social, environmental, genetic and biological factors in a complex process of development.

  • Extreme need for admiration and adoration from others. Tries to suspend the belief in others that she is a person of integrity and trust. May believe they are the primary importance in people in their lives and are responsible for influencing the moods and thoughts of others.
  • Has a grandiose idea of self importance. Believes they are special or unique in some way that allows them to be entitled to whatever they desire. They may possess a belief that they are destined for greatness that is defined with an obsession for extreme success.
  • Is very envious of others and may ruminate over someone else's success and how they don't deserve it.
  • Is exploitative of other people and may behave as an opportunist that uses people for their own means.
  • May be arrogant and treat the "waitress" with disdain or criticize her dentist as "incompetent" and "does not know what they are doing." Condescending with most people in a position to provide service to him.
  • Argues incessantly until they are given their way or "win" the argument.
  • Lacks empathy and has no compassion for others unless they can use the situation to gain admiration from others. Frequently, the narcissist is a "rescuer."

What is an Extreme Narcissist?

Healthy narcissism is a person who cares about their safety, loves their inner self and looks out for their health. However, some people have become frozen in childhood, and have never learned to express the empathetic nature of caring about another person. Often, this person has experienced an extreme trauma or detachment that was never resolved. Closing their inner truths and feelings has left them isolated and vacant. Typically, the trauma occurred at an early age and the devastated child continues to be locked up inside them. There are many different degrees of narcissistic personality disorder, and not everyone is in the extreme end of the spectrum. However, the reluctance to discuss their inner personal feelings or true emotions is a common trend in narcissism.

Traits of a Narcissist

how-to-end-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist

Why Can't You Leave a Narcissist

Giving Up Control to Your Partner

Often, you will find yourself giving up control in your life to keep your partner happy. Your trips to see your family and friends may shorten and become farther apart in time. You may give up your finances to keep the peace, or maybe you feel like a stranger redecorated your house because there is nothing of you in it. Although it is disturbing, it may be better than the continuous "bad mood" and incessant bickering of your partner if you don't comply. Eventually, the narcissist may have taken over your life and you feel as though you have become helpless without him.

Treating the Narcissistic Behavior as Normal

As a good person, you may believe that eventually the narcissist will come around and love you back with the same compassion that you provide them. The idea of give and take in a relationship is a valued component of a love match that the narcissist is not capable of in the long term. If they promise not to treat you as they have in the past, they cannot not sustain the facade for very long.

They Know how to Push the Buttons

It is common to leave a narcissist spouse or partner several times before the final breakup. They know what you want to hear and will promise to become the person that will treat you better, not abuse you, not lie to you, not control you, be more flexible, give you your space, trust you, etc. But a true narcissist cannot sustain those ideals and eventually return to their former behavior.

Narcissists Keep Returning to Win you Back

A narcissistic spouse will ask you to come back at intervals and will lie and promise anything if you to return. When you agree to "loving them" you feed the narcissistic supply of admiration and adoration in your narcissistic spouse. Usually, just when you feel you are healing and ready to move on, the narcissist returns with gifts and promises of showing you how they love you. Eventually, you find that nothing has changed in the relationship.

Join Codependents Anonymous for Support and Assistance

Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous

Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous, a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.

How to Leave a Narcissist

Understanding the behavior of the person you are dealing with is essential to the knowledge that you cannot change them. Their behavior is a mind set that is unaffected by your actions, intentions or offering of love. Narcissists can get help in therapy, and many have, but the nature of the disorder is a major barrier into the insight of their own behavior--and they frequently don't believe they need help.

  • Regain your self-confidence and self love. It is paramount that you regain your own sense of self worth and reject people that abuse, control or lie to you in your life. It is self preservation and a birth right to all of us.
  • Leave the relationship in a safe manner. If you feel threatened by your spouse, enlist friends or family to assist you in your exit. Always be safe, and be smart.
  • Find a friend to confide in. You may feel you have lost your support system due to the relationship demands of a narcissistic spouse, but chances are you have not. You need someone to confide in that you can trust.
  • Enforce a "no contact" rule with your girl or boyfriend in order to take the time to heal, assess the situation and regain your emotional strength.
  • Join a support group. Codependents Anonymous, or CODA, is a place to share your feelings and provides support and insight into healing from a traumatic relationship.

Steps to Leave a Narsissist

Recognize the SymptomsTake ActionReclaim Your Life

Your partner accounts for all your time

Seek friends and family for support and assistance with leaving

Leave the relationship carefully and be safe

Your partner has control over your finances

Open a new account and keep your money separate

Restore your financial control and regain your independence

Your partner acts out in anger or violence against you when you mention leaving

Call the police and have it documented that this person has violent tendencies. Verbal threats are as violent as physical assault

Have your partner removed and file a restraining order to keep them away

Take a "no contact" break from the relationship

The hardest part of leaving is staying apart, making a no contact rule will give you time to live on your own terms

Living alone will be painful, but reclaiming your life will give you back your confidence

Take personal inventory

Before dating again, investigate why you were attracted to this relationship to begin with

Join support groups or engage in therapy if needed. A healthy individual attracts healthy people.

Take Time to Heal

how-to-end-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist

A Loving Relationship is Waiting for You

Regaining your self esteem will not be easy and you may find yourself feeling alone and experience depression. A severed relationship is painful and takes time to heal. Always hold on to your own self love in these times, and seek supportive assistance that can help you understand your emotions and express your feelings. Time alone is necessary to reflect on what you want from your life. When you find the strength to leave, the hardest part is over.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

Mack on March 18, 2020:

I have been married for almost 11 years to a narcissist. We have three children together. About six months ago I reached my "breaking point" of realization and clarity and VOICE (I didn't know I had!) Ever since him realizing he does not have the power or control over me as once before he has bought me multiple gifts (every girl's dream right? WRONG!), called and set up marriage counseling to help "us" to help convince me to stay, and has done everything I have asked or requested in the past 10 years in the past 3 weeks as if saying, "VOILA!? I am all fixed". I do not know what to do. I pray to God constantly. I do not want this as a model for my children. My father is/was also a Narcissist which I no longer have contact with...Can I get an AMEN! He keeps begging me to give him [one more try]. The problem? My love tank is empty, my emotions are exhausted, and I cannot bare going through the hurt one more time. I know he loves my children and is a great father to them, he just does not know how to be a good husband to me. )-= I never wanted this for my life and I do not want to be the mother who destroys her kids idea of a "perfect childhood", but at what point will leaving be making the right decision not only for me but them as well?

Moi on February 13, 2020:

I have been with my husband for 20 years, marrird for 16.. he is very controlling and things have gotten pretty bad with his actions.. he is becoming delusional and i want to break free with my 3 daughters so badly im dying inside.

To the rest of the world, he still is the most generous and kind man that i am so lucky to have..

My family lives far away and is worried about me but I am alone here. Just surrounded with inlaws that would be happy to put any wrongdoing on me.

How can i tell him? How do I find the words to make it clear??

I know he will find a way to put me back in my place. I am never able to express how I feel and what I want without him turning everything around making me the worst person / mother that ever walked the earth.

Please send advice on how you handled telling your partner it was over.. i just can't find the strength

Lisa on February 28, 2019:

I finally asked him to leave and that just caused more issues.

Lisa on February 28, 2019:

I lived with a narcissist for 11 years.

He controlled every aspect of my life.

I slowly allowed it. He just kept telling me he did these things for me because I didn’t want to do them. I did want to do them, he just didn’t allow me too.

The worst was listening to all his childhood and teenage year stories and of all the friends he had (while I had non

Annon on November 24, 2018:

I am at this moment trying to leave a narcissist. I would happily walk out the door except I am part owner in a house with him and he has gotten very nasty and wants to rip me off of my part and prolong it all as long as he can....the verbal abuse and twisted lies he throws at me are hard to cope with so I slept at a friends place last night...

It could all be over as quick and easy as selling house and giving eachother their amount and part ways, but he wont do this...Help?

A nony mouse on October 12, 2018:

Paula,

I agree with you. Since the NPD person is charm itself, while things are going their way and then work all sorts of manipulations and deceits when it is not, they are difficult to spot. They don't see themselves as having a problem, because a problem is what they cause everyone else. They see everyone else as suckers who are powerless to protect themselves and as such their's is a successful strategy for getting what they want from life and to hell with their victims. If it does not work they will just move on to a new victim. So as long as they get what they want from life, they are not going to view themselves as having a problem and they are not going to be clamouring for any treatment. Hence any figures would be underestimates of the size of the problem.

Paula Konnor Jorn on August 22, 2018:

I can relate to all that’s been illuminated & more. I’m going to disagree w the statement that “ therapists are creating a dxg de jour in NPD. The feeling that this dxg is being discussed more stems from at least 2 sources; those w NPD rarely present for treatment, therefore have been unestimted in the population & there’s no psychiatric medication cure,causing this disorder to be overlooked by those professionals. There are plenty of NPD representatives out there & don’t be surprised that your new lover, boss or coworker is one. They are everywhere.

I was raised by a narcissistic mother, have a narcissistic brother, I married another and one of my children is afflicted with clinical narcissism. My whole life I’ve been overserved. I’m at a distance meeting all of them. I’ve implemented boundaries whereby it’s better to let them leave angry & potentially at my behest than have an emotional hangover that may set off any number of destructive behaviors. No thanks they are not worth it. Yes, it’s tricky w a child but I’ve not cut off all ties: just the ones that strangle.

Ana on August 03, 2018:

I lived for 15 years with a narcissist, and I am recently in the divorce process. It has been an emotional rollercoaster, not because I still care for him, because I don't, but because since he has no power over me anymore, he is doing everything in his power to take everything from me, just to get at me, when he was the one that messed up, leaving home for another woman. That's what they do when they feel they have no control over you anymore. I was becoming more independent, not giving him the piece of mind because I was tired of his anger and emotional abuse. When I caught him cheating he became enraged and denied everything, even came home and prepared a drama of leaving the house, the while driving around with no destination, post a suicidal note on Facebook, just to divert his wrongdoing, police got involved, and when he decides to return home, most likely like nothing had happened, he sees the police, he is then taken to be evaluated, but without interviewing him, he was told that no evaluation was needed. Eighteen days later he lives with no explanation. I was so tired of the life I had that did not care he left and still don't. Narcissists will leave once they see the power they had over you is no longer there, and they are being challenged. he was the one that left and went to live with his mistress and is trying to make my life miserable just to get at me, blaming me for the breakup, but he has no longer the power to take me down.

A nony mouse on June 14, 2018:

Virginia,

seek help from domestic abuse charity

Virginia on April 20, 2018:

Im 53 years old ,i've been in this horrible relationship for over a year now. I never knew what a narcissist was or never knew about narcissism until my niece told me about her boyfriend for years, is a narcissist and unfortunately I'm with his Dad . I'm to the point I cannot take anymore I need out but I don't have a job anymore,my family has cut me out of there lives ,my kids don't even talk to me anyway I feel like I'm stuck and alone and scared..I don't even have a vehicle I don't know how I let myself get to this point in my life. I don't even know who to go to for help or where to go.

Lori on April 19, 2018:

I need help.I cant leave him. Its so depressing

Christina on May 25, 2017:

I needed this thank you. After 9 years I am walking away, it hurts and I knew it would but its time I take my life back and live for me. I miss him and I probably will for a while but I Miss me more.

Sylvie on March 07, 2017:

Wow ...that last part.."when you find the strength to leave, the hardest part is over"...Really hit home. That is so true. Once your out of there, I no longer have to look at him which I know from experience is so much easier to focus on yourself and your life, your passions, your ideas, your friends, your family and I realize how many love me and have my back on this.

Lee on September 17, 2016:

Just had to end a relationship ... There are female narcissistics out there and i got burned good .. Asking me to trust her and be patient only to belive her lies .. Untill i busted face to face

Justyna on March 12, 2016:

I'm in this horrible relationship with narsasisi right now. He give me silent treatment for a week now. He txt me abusive msg calling me names such as prick and so on. He threaten me "watch what is going to happen ". I have been I'm situation like this many times but this time it feels diffrent to me. I feel empty and like paralysed towards to him. I can't stand to look at him and dint want to sleep in the same room where he is. I think this is the end for me with this relationship but I'm scared when he finally start talking to me he won't like what i have to say to him that thisIis the end and our 14 years relationship is over. The worst part is that we have 10 year old daughter who loves him very much

DMack on July 22, 2015:

Currently with a narcissist. I feel trapped, sad and I've lost my identity over the 20 years. He insists on knowing every detail of every thing I do, think and feel. When my thoughts don't fall in line with what he thinks they should be, he criticizes me until I see it his way, which I rarely do. I just stop talking altogether. I left a few times, came back. Last time I left, I met a wonderful man, but he found out where he lived and started making me feel guilty. We have a minor son. Mind you, he's married and not to me. He refuses to divorce his wife. He is unbearable. I'm slowly losing my sanity. I have absolutely nothing of my own. Everything is his or in his name. Are there support groups for victims of narcissists? I need help.

Char Milbrett from Minnesota on April 26, 2015:

Some of them are so fakey... to others, they are such a nice guy, but at home... eggshells, or get yelled at...

Chelsea Rowe from Henrietta, New York on March 02, 2015:

Very informative. I never realized exactly what narcissism was until recently and there are several people I have avoided and/or never liked because of their behaviors. This is why!

Tami Rogers from Seattle, Washington on March 02, 2015:

Great hub! Yes, I have run into more than one of these types over the years. Unfortuantely, I've had a few friends marry narcissists and it has never been a good thing. One finally left her husband (thanks goodness) but the other one is staying "for the kids" which I think is a lose-lose for everyone. Voting up and interesting and following you now too!

mythbuster from Utopia, Oz, You Decide on March 01, 2015:

Great info here. I hope many will read this hub and learn how to move away from narcissists in their lives.

c on June 28, 2014:

Sebrina,

So much love to you. Check out melanietoniarvans.com she has a healing program for this.

Sebrina Yates from Centre, Alabama on March 14, 2014:

On my second marriage. And I believe he is one. No children together but together for 15a years. Don't even know who I am anymore. He has sucked the life out of me. No way to leave no one to help.

Kim on January 20, 2014:

I have been dating a narcicist for a year and a half and finally have decided enough is enough. Everything is about him, nothing is never his fault, belittles everyone-even people he does not know, etc. He cheated on me, I took him back because I thought he would change, but he didn't. He cheated again. We broke up about 3 months ago and every now and then he pops back up. I even had him blocked so he could not contact me and he found a way around the block. He is a cheater, a liar, selfish, soulless man. He has a history of broken relationships but I overlooked it. He says all the right things but certainly does not do them. I have a fantastic support system and am working on me. I am even going to counseling so that I do not become bitter. Thank you for this blog. A friend of mine sent me the link last night. I am taking it day by day which is all I can do.

mary on December 30, 2013:

Omg. I have been married for over 20 years to a Narcissus. We went to therapy and he lied and I was honest and it was awful. He has abused our kids and never apologizes. He calls me crazy and has abused me for years. He has an explosive temper. I am in the process of finding an attorney. I need to talk to my siblings. I'm living a nightmare "!" I have to save my kids and my sanity! !!

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on December 05, 2013:

Do you think it would be useful to tell a narcissist that "I don't like you and don't want any contact with you so stop your inappropriate abusive stalker harassment? I am having trouble like this now and working to get this person completely out of my life. Unfortunately it's a toxic messy family member.

Heather Mcdougall on October 07, 2013:

The truly extreme and malignant narcissist is definitely no longer loved by his/her victim. You stop loving them often years before you actually throw them out. Their total parasitism on you, often refusing to work or even get a job and their endless outrageous demands, coupled with character assassination of you to your face for years and control freakery, eventually lead to your utter hatred of them. You realise eventually that you are utterly exhausted both physically and mentally, dealing with your narcissistic abuser, and you realise too, that you are totally traumatised. I kicked my abuser out with the help of my brother. You have to do this, because you cannot protect your kids from them and you cannot be the good mother that you know you are deep down, while you are in such a traumatised state.You have to save your kids too from the narcissistic abuse. My abuser started on the kids and wanted them for narcissistic supply too, once I refused to give it any more. I felt so happy once he was thrown out and I havn't looked back. Life is wonderful now and my kids are so happy he's gone. I know I did the right thing. I just wish I did it years ago.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on August 28, 2013:

Thanks for reading, Rodric. No, you are not a narcissist. Thanks for your vote up!

Rodric Anthony Johnson from Surprise, Arizona on August 28, 2013:

When I started reading I was so afraid I would find out that I am a narcissist that I almost fainted! Well, not really fainted.. but you get the point! I loved the hub and the way you introduced it all in a conversational and best friend manner. Voted Up.

Carla J Swick from NW PA on May 28, 2013:

Excellent, Excellent, Excellent - so many things we should learn very early in life. : )

Gail Meyers from Johnson County, Kansas on February 05, 2013:

This is a great hub, eHealer! Unfortunately, I am very familiar with NPD and your hub is spot on. I would like to add a link to this hub from my hubs about my NPD mother. Voted up and awesome!

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on January 12, 2013:

eHealer, Very informative hub. Thank you. I dated a woman about three years ago who had been married to a narcissist for over twenty years. She is still unable to find stability in her life. She is currently attempting to leave yet another relationship and has reached out to me again. I'll help, but my guard is up. The narcissist to whom she was married is a 50 some year old body builder who is having trouble coming to terms with the end of that part of his life. He hasn't given up yet though. It is a complicated and destructive thing. Thanks for the insight.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on January 02, 2013:

Hey Jelly, thanks for reading my hub and much thanks for your supportive and helpful comments. You are so right, people take time to sort out their lives and find their way.

jellygator from USA on January 02, 2013:

I hope your friend will find the wisdom to ask herself what her future with the man in question will be like, but as eHealer said, some people value themselves too little to recognize when the relationship may be hurting them too much. It's good to know that you're there for her when and if she does realize it.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on January 02, 2013:

Hey Cris, I am so glad you find this helpful for your friend. She may be co-dependent, another hub of mine, and this is what is keeping her in this destructive relationship. The "relationship" is more important than "her." I wish you luck and it's awesome that you want to help her, but if you can't, just be there for her if you can. Sometimes people take time to see how to fix their lives. Thanks for sharing!

CrisSp from Sky Is The Limit Adventure on January 02, 2013:

I've read quite a lot about this subject. I find it very fascinating. This one is precisely useful and will be sharing it with someone who I know is in this kind of relationship. The person had seen the signs and was forewarned about it--the problem is, she wouldn't listen and is still in the relationship. I'm sure this will be a good read for her and hopefully, she takes the advices. Sometimes, I just wanna hammer her in the head really!

Well, thank you for this. Absolutely voting up, useful and passing it along.

Love from the sky~

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 23, 2012:

hello Caroline, thanks for the great comments! Most of us have been involved with the Narcissist at one time or another! Thanks for your kind words.

Caroline Marie on November 23, 2012:

Thank you for this hub! I have dated a narcissist and it was very exhausting and heartbreaking. It was also very difficult to leave. Thanks for all this great information. :)

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 06, 2012:

Cathy, good for you! It is so hard to leave one, but once you do, you are free and you have taken back your life!

Ms. Immortal from NJ on November 06, 2012:

I did it!

I left a narcissist after 20 years of marriage. He still hounds 2 years later and tries to make my life hell, but hell was being married to him. Now I am free to be me and it feels good.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 05, 2012:

Hi Mellonyy, you're very astute, the hallmark of this relationship is an exhausted spouse or partner. Thanks for your supportive comments and I appreciate you taking time to stop by!

Mellonyy on November 05, 2012:

Awesome tips! I think it's very dangerous when you feel worn out by this kind of relationship, and still love your partner.

Voted up and shared!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 04, 2012:

Thanks Nicole, I appreciate your comments, and your ideals. Thanks!

Nicole A. Winter from Chicago, IL on November 04, 2012:

Excellent, thought-provoking article, eHealer, thank-you for providing so much quality information here. I look forward to reading more of your hubs.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Very astute of you Nanderson! Thanks for the supportive comments and thanks for visiting. Psychopaths are similar but they are usually created by different means. See you soon!

nanderson500 from Seattle, WA on November 03, 2012:

This is a good companion piece to your hub about psychopaths. They seem to share the same traits. Very interesting stuff, great hub!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Hi Bizwin, narcissists are very interesting, although they can be very difficult to deal with.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Known as the "weight lifters" of personality disorders, because they don't have a plan, they are just "entitled" to whatever they want, narcissists are among the most difficult people to work with as well as being in a loving relationship. They just, wear you out!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Jellygator, so nice to see you! Thanks for adding it to yours, I will shoot you an email and add yours as well to this hub! See you soon.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Hello my friend, it is always so nice to see you and I'm so flattered when you comment on my work. See you soon, Rajan!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Thanks Funom, I am so glad you like it and find it interesting. Most personality disorders are fascinating!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 03, 2012:

Writing Owl, thanks so much for the confidence! Personality disorders are difficult to make sense of when writing, they have an ebb and flow that evolve into a commonality. Unlike mental disorders, personality disorders are arranged by the consistency of a behavioral pattern. Thanks for your kind comments.

Christabel Evans from England, UK on November 03, 2012:

Excellent hub. I've known few people with these traits, but I did not know this is the name given to such actions. Great information.

Jeannie Marie from Baltimore, MD on November 03, 2012:

I used to work with a narcissist and it was really awful. He took credit for others work and he always had to be right. It was a real pain. Luckily, I never had the misfortune of being in a relationship with one and I hope I never will. Great information in this hub and voted up!

jellygator from USA on November 03, 2012:

Excellent topic! Adding this one to my hub about narcissism and voting it well.

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on November 03, 2012:

A great deal to ponder about in this hub. You've detailed all of it so well and the way to go about getting out of this.

Well done, Deborah!

Voted up, useful and shared.

Funom Theophilus Makama from Europe on November 03, 2012:

Thanks a lot for this wonderful share. Definitely voted up....

Mary Kelly Godley from Ireland on November 02, 2012:

Great Hub Ehealer on one of my favorite subjects. You are spot on as usual. Love the new info on the Narcissistic personality as I can see you know its very complex and just when I think I have researched it all another layer appears. Voted up.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 02, 2012:

Hi Mhatter, so, you're just really proud of yourself and pay a little extra attention to your needs. Big difference from a narcissist. Thanks for reading my hub!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 02, 2012:

Hi fpherj489, yes, people with personality disorders don't often think they need help to change their behavior and improve their lives, but many have. Because ultimately, many extreme narcissists end up alone and lonely, blaming others for there misfortune. Thanks for the support!

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on November 01, 2012:

I am an egotist not a narcissist and Arlene was one of the people who helped keep me floating. Thanks for this interesting report.

Suzie from Carson City on November 01, 2012:

ehealer...You have done a superb job with this hub on the unfortunate mental disorder of narcissism. And wouldn't they choke INDIGNANTLY, to be told they certainly have a mental disorder!!? LOL......Sad people, they are. Truthfully, must go through life with out giving real love nor receiving it....

This is so well-written, there is nothing more to be said. A wonderful education that I will guess many people will find valuable....UP+++

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 01, 2012:

Hello Tsmog and it is always so great to see you. It is learned, and innate. Although it's so complex no one really has a clear cut idea of the phenomenon, it appears trauma has to do with extreme cases. Genetics predispose the person to the features and if they had an overbearing parent that made them feel "special" without doing anything for it, could be conditioned. Thanks for your input, as always, I appreciate your comments, and yes, that guy who was divorced so many times, probably drove his wives to absolute exhaustion and burnout!

Tim Mitchell from Escondido, CA on November 01, 2012:

Interesting article. I ponder if it is learned or innate? What is your view eHealer of this question, "Does media today foster narcissistic behavior?" I like your quote, "However, the reluctance to discuss their inner personal feelings or true emotions is a common trend in narcissism."

I worked with a person who practically stopped at every mirror and even windows to observe their reflection. When the warehouse mgr. it was a constant. Where is so and so. He's in the bathroom. That is where the mirror was located. This article offers enlightenment understanding maybe why he was divorced so many times.

thank you, eHealer

Tim

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 01, 2012:

Attikos, hello. All politicians are narcissists to some extent. They wouldn't be able to handle rejection if they weren't. Actors are also known to be very difficult in rehab due to narcissism, and yes, even judges, clergymen and police are known to have some afflictions to the disorder. Thanks for stopping by!

Attikos from East Cackalacky on November 01, 2012:

I suggest the easiest way is just not to vote for him again.

Oh, wait. We're not talking about politics this time, are we?

Never mind.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 01, 2012:

Thanks Imkarn, I appreciate the support. We have all been there and done that. It's part of learning about how to interact with others, who to love and who to stay away from. I am so glad you didn't marry the narcissist, and am grateful you commented on my hub. See you soon on the hubs!

Karen Silverman on November 01, 2012:

Sigh...clearly - you've been there done that - or - know someone who has..

i dated a narcissist - never married - it was hard enough just dating for several years - and you're SO right...

manipulation is their middle name! They know your number and your hot buttons - and they call and push with glee - it seems..

it's ALL about them..

i learned..eventually - as you mentioned..

Thanks for this reminder - perfect title, btw, dear..

voting up and sharing with the hub-munity...

ps - Hi, Deb and Marlene - not at all surprised to see you ladies here! lol..

HUBS, y'all!

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 01, 2012:

Hello LoveDoctor! Thanks for your kind words and support, this may help someone that can't understand why they can't make their relationship work no matter how hard they try. See you soon at the hubs.

Deborah (author) from Las Vegas on November 01, 2012:

Thank you Debbie, I am so sorry about your sister. I have seen a lot of relationships like this and came very close to being in one myself. I am glad your sisters left these men, but some people have a difficult time in recovery. Thanks for your comments and thank you so much for visiting and sharing my hub.

Good Bless you Debbie

lovedoctor926 on November 01, 2012:

Excellent hub! This is a good article to revisit.

Deborah Brooks Langford from Brownsville,TX on November 01, 2012:

wow this is so interesting.. My two sisters were married to men like this.. it was a nightmare of marriages.. I mean I lost my sisters for years until finally one day they both finally left with their lives.. one of my sisters that was in this relationship has died. she was never really happy.. my heart still breaks all that he did to her.

many blessings for writing this .. I am sharing

Debbie

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