After writing an article on the symptoms of a sociopath, I was surprised to find (from the comments) that sociopaths are seen in a negative light. One who lives without remorse and is unable to cultivate feelings of affection for others isn't necessarily a bad person.
Sociopathic women have an even worse reputation than their male counterparts. While sociopathic men rank among some of our favorite heroes (e.g. James Bond), sociopathic women (e.g. Miranda Priestly) are viewed as dangerous, shifty, ruthless witches.
Sociopathic women are nothing to be afraid of. So long as you understand some basic principles about how they operate, you should be able to get along with them without harm or trouble- you might even be glad to know them!
The first thing you must do when addressing a female sociopath is to disengage emotionally. This has two benefits, the first being that it will be harder for said sociopath to manipulate you, and the second being that you will have an easier time seeing the world from her perspective.
You see, sociopaths are known for their lack of remorse for having wronged others, as well as recklessness and disregard for the safety of others and inability to create meaningful relationships. In short, your sociopathic lady friend does not care about you or how you feel, so you'd to best by not caring too much about her, either.
Seeing as sociopaths are frequently unbound by their need to care for others and their silly feelings, you're not going to be able to get very far with this person using the traditional social tactic of 'getting her to like you'.
Instead, you'll have to once again consider the world from your female sociopath's perspective and get transactional. What do you have to offer that she might need? How will you make her life better? What would she maybe want to use her for?
Once you know what these things are, you can utilize them as bargaining chips in your relationship. It might not seem like the nicest thing to do, but sociopaths are not particularly concerned about being nice, so you don't have to be either.
Let's say you think this sociopath is a cool gal, or you like the potential connections, power, swag, sex, money, or hilarious misadventures she could potentially bring into your life. Say that this means you'll need to cultivate something more than a transactional relationship. That's fine. We can work with that.
The best way to cultivate a long-term relationship with a female sociopath is to share some goals with her. Perhaps you both want to assassinate the same person, or climb everest together, or climb to the top of a certain social group. Your shared goals, and the synergistic results you could see should you work as a team, might convince this sociopath that you're worth keeping around... for now.
Tips on Just Getting By
If you're forced to work or otherwise interact with a female sociopath against your will (e.g. you have a Miranda Priestly-like boss), don't worry. There are manifold ways (in addition to those outlined above) to reduce the effect her tyranny may have on you.
Here are some of the simplest means by which you can avoid the wrath of your resident sociopathic woman:
- Do NOT get in her way (and if you do, make sure she doesn't realize you were the one who foiled her plans)
- Minimize direct interaction or contact
- Do not discuss your personal life with her (she may discover your emotional weaknesses and use them against you)
I hope you have found this guide helpful, and that your regard for female sociopaths has shifted from one of outright hatred to one of cold calculation. These women often do not choose to be sociopaths, after all, and their sociopathic nature does not make them bad people per se. They just live by a different set of rules, and once you understand them, these people are quite manageable!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Manliness on November 03, 2019:
Thank you for this view and positive energy on looking at it. I'm in a relationship with a semi sociopathic woman and we have kids. Its a bumpy ride, from what you describe here, and to an emotional nightmare for both. Trying to find ways dealing with it in the best manner possible, and leaving isnt always the best way , especially with a sociopath and kids. But reading solutions and ideas in a dark manner with warnings all over and the sense that everything says "poor me" is really demotivating. You write it as a positive challenge wich I have found it to be sometimes allready. I would like a deeper relationship though, but that might develop. Its become much better after I started picking up this mentality of yours. Thank You!
nightrider on July 31, 2019:
This is a disgraceful article excusing their appalling behaviour. No-one should have to deal with their bullying, manipulation, abusiveness, selfishness, callousness and a whole host of horrible deeds. be warned, they are in the same cluster of Borderline Personality Disorder and Psychopaths who have retarded and faulty wirings in their brain, and need medical intervention. One of the comments from an idiot calling themselves a sociopath says 'when we're wronged', but in reality, that means they are selfish and due to their retarded brain everyone must conform and comply with their whims. Be warned, they are out there, and when the 'red flags' go up, get out of their life; else you will get caught up in their toxic web. They will dominate your thoughts night and day leaving you unable to focus on your life and happiness. They will create so much triangulation and toxic pain, that will exhaust you on all levels. So to the idiot calling yourself a sociopath, your behaviour is toxic and abhorrent, and you should get treatment for your illness. Also, a female one is much worse, as their behaviour is excused by their supposed female 'vulnerability'. Also, outwardly they don't seem 'mental', but they ARE mentally ill. Many people are fooled by their female allure, that they take sides with them. Do not be fooled by their manipulations; the best way is to keep so busy with your life that they have NO way to get their toxic slimy foot through your life's door. Note, as they are so slimy as to get other's to get other people to do their dirty work, their associates can be just as damaging; so DON'T tell them anything about her or indeed any details about your life. It gives them ammo to get one over on you.
Jerry Stamper on June 02, 2019:
This is my true story of a devotional dedicated trial set out in Wich to gain knowledge for one's self In order to help the pursuit of happiness of the most increatable woman I will ever have the pleasure of falling In love with. "I know my relationship may come off as completely strange to some of you",but I didn't know such a being even existed until I met her." Not knowing her condition I was completely and utterly deviated the first time she just left me much like she does the tissue she so frequently wipes her gorgeous heart shaped ass on.Now having never heard of someone with an Emotionally stunted affliction like my beautiful," Kristen"./, has it shocked me and hurt me so bad I almost didn't pull through l just couldn't believe how fast she had moved on to another man.So I slowly pulled myself together the only and beat way o knew how by making my own stag knives it built my self esteem back up and they are just a passion of mine anyway.So 3 months pass until one day I'm standing iny kitchen window and I see her."Good god she is a sultry hot pale angel in cut offs and a bandanna topped off with a dick hardening sweaty round ass and a cool-aid smile as fast as she had left she was back.only to stay a year,A year of incredible hot sex and drug usage and Bam left me for another man.So only time will tell how this one sided romantic tale will end. For us Kristen and our future together. I will study your condition and how to gain rather than loose from it.
summer on November 30, 2018:
I am almost 100 percent sure y grandmother is a sociopath. she is sadistic, loves to undermine and humiliate you, she manipulates for fun and she does not like me being around. One of her favourite past times is psychologically torturing me. she isn't ever shown any sings of being dangerous but she is truly a horrible human being.
Anne On on July 20, 2018:
How on Earth can you say a Socipath isn’t a bad person? By definition their actions are bad - they need to dominate and manipulate others, they derive joy from the pain of others and the lie constantly. I have been victim of a sociopath who infiltrated my family, controlled my brother by alienating his friends and family, controlled everything down to him taking driving lessons - insisting that he couldn’t cope! (Ffs). He eventually left her and she still try’s to do it - hacking his phone, threatening his job and his time with his children. What’s worse is she is hell bent on dominating and destroying her son too and I seriously worry that this beautiful, funny and now extremely depressed boy will harm himself. Sociopaths aren’t bad people? Get a reality check love! This article is a disgrace
Bonnie Parker from Canada on March 22, 2018:
You don't think that a female sociopath can be dangerous? lol You really better change that thought pattern before you ever meet one that is truly ruthless. I am one of those. On a normal day, I can get along with anyone and everyone. But wrong me or someone that I let close to me, or love (yes love) and you'll wish you were dead. I'm not trying to sound like the tough guy here, just being honest. I don't randomly target people.
Yes, I know "we" all maintain that it's the other person's fault. lol But it's true. At least with me. I have to be provoked in a big way first, and then it's almost like I can't not retaliate. Like I can't control it. And in general it's very bad. Be it online, or in real life. Of course no one can prove anything even though they know.
@amber you nice sociopath. I'm nice too!! Hope you're still here. lol
Warren Clark on July 16, 2017:
Pretty sure the author of this article is a sociopath
Mark on June 05, 2016:
The only problem with your advice is that it assumes you know the person is a sociopath.
It took me 22 years to discover the truth about my ex.
Michael on April 06, 2014:
Maureen I agree 100%. you will be gotten rid of fast...as fast as they needed you..they quickly don't need you..
Amber234 on March 13, 2014:
@dprang. Yes, I have many friends and most of which have been since childhood. I also have good working relationships with other staff. Ironically, I have great ability to spot other psychopaths and very often do not like or get along with them. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have as it would possibly also help me better understand myself.
Dprang on March 12, 2014:
Yes, DNA can be inherited. There is a neurologist who decided to use his family for brain experiments believing his family was normal. He included himself and they all had MRI brain scans.
He found out he has the same brain as a psychopath. Being who he is, he looked into family origins, DNA etc and found out he was related to Lizzy Borden, a famous killer. By the way, his family members were not really surprised... they always thought this neurologist has a cold heart yet he is not a killer and does decent work.
Dprang on March 09, 2014:
I suspect that psychopaths (same as sociopaths) have a function in the world of humans, provided they have been raised to be socialized and encouraged to do good work. For example, they can make great surgeons and soldiers or any job that most of us cannot function as well due to the nature of the job.
As I said before, you sound like a nice sociopath, well brought up and more connected to family than the MAJORITY of sociopaths.
That is the kicker though. As we learn more ab0ut psychopathy and their brains via the mountain of knowledge accumulating these days, we are learning how to defend ourselves from predators.
I do not worry about myself since I am very sensitive to people I cannot seem to connect with meaning, they are not in my radar of comfort. On the other hand, I have known a few schizophrenics who I never feared.
Let us get back to basics. The fact that psychopaths have no fears scares me. It may seem great to humans to be free of fears but to me to it is not normal.
The fact that psychopaths have no empathy is not as strange to me provided they have fears... I know that this is not always a psychopathic condition and may have been a brain injury of some sort.
I believe that when we become sensitive to the fact that there are humans born without souls (love), we can avoid their company.
I might enjoy your company as long as you are truthful and know you will not cross the line with others. But then, that is the other rub because truth seems to be something very lacking in psychopaths.
I do have questions though.
Do you have long term friendships with normal people?
How are your relationships with co workers?
dog1234 on March 09, 2014:
My father and sister are sociopaths. Is this condition hereditary? Got away from dad when he passed. I don't associate with my sister any more. I feel awful for my niece who is in her early teens and can see there is something wrong with her mother. You can't cure a sociopath or win against one. Just walk away and let them fume over the one that got away.
amber234 on February 16, 2014:
**put** not **but** and **now** not **know**. perhaps I should have re-read before posting.
amber234 on February 16, 2014:
@herschel, as I said, I have never admitted it before but yes, I have been diagnosed as a sociopath. It is easier to admit to strangers but I wouldn't be caught dead telling one of my friends or co workers. I simply do not feel the same way others do. I dont quite understand it and wish it wasn't so but it doesn't mean that I am incapable of love (at least in the way that i feel it). Yes, I do find myself manipulating at times but I make an effort not to. I was raised by wonderful, moral people who addressed my affliction and dealt with it, well. I do agree with your comment about surgeons but, it is not just about money. Sp's are arrogant and like to be THE best! It is also about that too. Sometimes, not being emotionally attached in that field enables you to make clearer decisions though. @Dprang, I thank you for your reply and appreciate what you are saying. My response, how ever, psychopath is such an ugly word/label. Also, there are many people that are not sociopaths that do bad things. For example, I once dated a schizophrenic that but a shard of glass through my eye (I know am blind in it) because the birds told him I was cheating on him (which i was not). For me, that type of person is much more dangerous then i could ever be but, i do agree and understand some one not wanting to welcome some one with mental illness into their lives. I myself, would not do it, knowingly. Plenty of people with out mental illness are bad people. You can not put every one in a box. SP are widely not understood. There are a lot of factors which come into play. nature vs nurture, for example. In addition, not all sp's were born that way (as is in my case). I remember a time where I wasn't numb. It is hard to say if the change in my teen years was genetic (as my father is a sp) or a result of several traumatic experiences during that time. There are not many answers but what I would ask is for people to keep an open mind. I know that i gauge every thing on a "fair" basis. I do what is right and fair. If my friend is crying, i may not understand her emotions but of course Ill hug her as I do not like to see some one who I am loyal to, upset. Do I use people? hmmmm....well.....I keep people around based on whether they make me happy and mentally stimulated. If some one brings me grief? Yes, they're gone. That being said, most of my friends, have been just such for the last thirty years. I do not let go of people easily and often forgive for things that I should not so theres another interesting twist, right? Any how, it is an interesting post and topic, not one I'm quite sure how to feel about.....LOL (sp joke-sorry couldn't help it)
Marylyn corr on January 28, 2014:
WHy bother when you could have lovely friends and genuine people around you. they cant change and I wouldn't even bother to change myself to accommodate them
heatherlund from Tacoma, WA on December 15, 2013:
Thanks for this hub! I wished I read it a year ago. I was friends with a female I know believe was a sociopath. I let her move in with me and my husband and lets just say I'm still emotionally scared
Chris on November 30, 2013:
my myers briggs personality type is ISTJ so I guess that makes me seem like a sociopath since ISTJ's come across as cold or like robots and unemotional. I also have schitzoefective dissorder so I may come across as a sociopath when I am really not. I can usually spot out a real sociopath easily and when I am talking to someone I can usually tell if they are a sociopath or not. sociopaths are overly extroverted witch is one of the reasons why I dislike them so much. would I want a one night stand with a sociopath that I find attractive, sure I would as long as they are nota criminal or killed someone but one for a relationship? nope
Dprang on March 09, 2013:
I have been reading and watching the trial of Jodi Arias. She is classic! A sociopath or pyschopath whatever term you call it. Look what she did to her lover once she found out he was taking another woman to Cancun. His mistake was allowing a breakup to continue for sexual purposes which I am sure she instigated as he was trying to ditch her. Her third version of events leading to her killing this man mocks women who are truly abused. The sheer overkill says it all...27 knife stabs into his body, then knifed ear to ear, then shot in the head. Her claim of abuse not only mocks abused woman, it is tarnishing his good reputation.
For the life of me, I cannot understand how anyone could feel sorry for her. yet while in prison she garnered a lot of support. This is why it is so important that people understand what pyschopathy really is.
This was Jodi's first killing which she and her lawyers are doing their best to try the ex boyfriend while she comes off as abused.
Most comments everywhere are like mine.... she has that vacant look in her eyes. She used sex to get him as he was likely new to sex due to his religeous beliefs. She is known to have slashed his tires and that of a woman he was interested in after their breakup. The killing was premeditated and very creepy.
To this day, she claims he was beautiful inside and out. Yet she did this...evidence is clear..actually took pictures before, during and after the killing. Before throwing the camera into the washer, she erased the pictures, not realizing that they could possibly be retrieved. The gun was dumped in the desert while she continued her trip to meet another man. There is so much evidence it boggles the mind....all the little things.
Her extremely good memory was conveniently lost during her buthering and afterwards until she was in the desert.
You were lucky!
Maureen Smith on March 04, 2013:
Are you crazy? Sociopaths should be avoided at all costs. And don't worry, once you no longer fit what she wants, then you will be gotten rid of fast. I have seen it happen.
Herschel on February 15, 2013:
was suppose to say i`ll kick the crack out of their asteroid....and if you are a woman don`t take his crap tell him to come on big boy i got something for you...stand your ground.....nobody could love a girl anymore than i love my sp, but once i realized what she is i turned that love off real quick b/c i knew she never existed.....they sometime leave and they may show up 10 years later trying to get back into your life...what freaked me out was she would sometime say to me, i couldn`t sleep last night and i sat in bed watching you sleep at 2 or 3 am, that sure got my attention, in reality there was a cold empty person in my bed watching me sleep, she could have done anything to me b/c a sleeping person can`t defend their self, but she knew me well enough to know she better make it count, b/c i would kick a field goal in her asteroid.....
Herschel on February 15, 2013:
The sp girl i was with was real good at what she is, she lived a double life with another guy while dating me....she thought i couldn`t get to him and she closed all doors to keep me from telling him what she is, but she forgot about facebook, i opened it and right there in living color was a picture of them.....i sent him a message and told him everything, he almost went insane to find out what she had done to him.......but he is a whiney poo sissy and couldn`t break free of her, but i broke free, as soon as i knew what she was i dumped her like yesterdays garbage, o she tried to get back with me, it scared me when i thought, you know she has been to my house and slept in my bed with me, they are capable of killing you but most of the time they won`t b/c they fear going to prison...i have no feelings for her..........so if you are involved with a sp just realize it won`t get better it will get worse. the ole boy i allerted cried and stayed with her, well you better believe she is all eyes and saw his weakness, she uses him for money, but with me she got nothing.....she got mad and told me she would come to my house and bring him and they would shoot me, i said well that will be a mistake,but if you are stupid enough to come to my house come on and i will show you what happens when you go to a persons house and misbehave.so if you back down from these people that`s what they want, not me i will the crack out of their Asteroid. it didn`t take me no time to get over her once i realized what i was dealing with. and that`s what you have to do, you have to realize you are dealing with a dangerous person that never loved you, that person never existed, it was all a big facade planed just for you to manipulate you in everyway they could, these people are ruthless..some doctors say they are a sub species of the human race..
Herschel on February 15, 2013:
The woman Amber 234 that said she is in the medical field and says she is an sp is not a sp. first a real sp never tells anyone that they are a sp...then you said some sp don`t manipulate, all sp manipulate to get what they want, they will stop at nothing to achieve their goals.........you said the surgeons cared about patients, if the surgeon is a true sp they care about the money not the patient, o they will perform the surgery, but to them it`s no more than cutting a water mellon open...you said you care about people, sp care for nobody, so that shows you are not a sp.......i was involved with a sp for 5 years..i studied the Psychology of sp for a long time. i studied under Dr Robert Hare, he is the best in the world for dealing with these people...His Book without conscience is a must read, another book is titled snakes in suits...i don`t hate sp, i`m just smart enough to know what they are about...when a sp runs you up dry they will laugh, people talk about being in love with a sp, you can give a sp the moon, and after all you do for them they don`t even call you a friend, they call you an idiot that got what you deserve. sp don`t connect emotionally with anyone b/c they can`t, they are hollow inside, and a true sp knows they are....it`s sad these people will go through their entire lives never to experince love.....the frontal cortex of their brain is silent, thats the part that gives them a conscience, it`s not their fault that this part of their brain is asleep, but its not the persons fault thats being abused either....so all you can do is get away from them...there is no know cure for sociopathy....its said that therapy makes them worse b/c they learn how to manipulate even better, infact some therapist won`t even council them......i could go on and on.....get Dr Hares books....
Dprang on December 21, 2012:
As much as I agree with you, I doubt it is a good idea to mess with a pyschopath/sociopath; it could be dangerous. From my understanding, they are relentlessly nasty to their personal victims. What I believe is more interesting, is to learn to spot these non humans before getting involved in any way. Just to be able to look one in the eyes knowing what this person truly is would be forthwith challenge. I suspect this person would back down because they do not want empaths to know which is why they learn to read us. Empaths rule,that is what we must always remember....
Bill on December 18, 2012:
I have had two sociopath wives and it is hell. Don't mess with anyone who has no concern for you if you have normal feelings; at least do not marry such a person. It is horrifying to hear such constant anger, self pity, and total lack of appreciation, love, kindness, mercy, justice. Save yourself.
Paula on October 27, 2012:
This article could be summed up much simpler and much more concisely: If you determine that you or someone else you love has been relationally abused by a sociopathic woman, the best way to deal with the sociopathic woman is to toss her out with the trash. Then sit back and make her the butt of all of your jokes. It's much more fun realizing we don't need to be human with these non-humans. It's quite a release and a very zen thing to do: let go. :)
simon4262 on October 11, 2012:
After living through the destruction of my family, marriage, finances and emotional well-being by marrying a sociopath, I appreciate your wit. I am categorizing your article as levity with a purpose. I wish that I had known such a person existed, how to identify them and what to look for ten years ago. I admit to resorting to a couple of these tactics in dealing with my Sociopath.
Nice job of providing a fresh perspective on this subject.
Joan on September 28, 2012:
This post is interesting! However I would never take the advice:) There's nothing I want from a sociopath. I've dealt with 2 of these folks in my life and... um...NO THANKS! However, I am intrigued by those who can successfully interact with these people without getting trampled to the ground. I recommend a great expert in this field: George K Simon, who wrote "In sheep's clothing: understanding and dealing with manipulative people". After reading his work and putting his suggestions into practice I am incredibly empowered. And while one of these folks lives just down the street (and I see her almost every day) I have detached and completely ignore her other than a "hello, how are you?" And now I'm happily...carrying...on...sociopath...free!
Dprang on September 06, 2012:
Amber, I am sorry I offended you. It was wrong to say all psychopaths are hardcore criminal types. My position is simply this: I expect to work alongside a psychopath at some point, that is a given since we know it affects 1/100 people in our westernized society. My contention is that I learn to spot one so I protect myself. Some of you are not as clearly criminal for sure, however social damage can be done to the unsuspected at work, at play and definitely in relationships. I seriously hope that one day science can correct the faulty connections to the empathy center in the mid brain and in the amygdala.
I really am sad for people who cannot feel, it must be a very boring and deadlike existance.
The best you can do is to try to find outlets that work for you....
Best of luck to you.... and may your soul rest in peace. You sound like a nice pyschopath, and I am sorry that this is the best I can say but I still would not be a friend to a pyschopath.f
Ohhh, one more thing. You are very correct in saying psychopaths know right from wrong which is why it is pyschopaths who are criminal types are unlikely to be able to claim insanity thanks to people like Dr Hare.
amber234 on August 31, 2012:
and for those of you who accuse your bosses, neighbors, etc; of being sociopaths.....what credentials do you have to come to this conclusion? It seems to me that there may be some ignorant and mis informed people leaving comments. If I am mistaken then i apologize for speaking out of term but this is how it appears to me. Correct me if im wrong.
amber234 on August 31, 2012:
and one last directed at Dprang. You say sociopaths are hardcore criminals? I have never so much as had a speeding ticket or shoplifted let alone, a criminal record. In fact, I wouldn't think of breaking the law in any way so how are we hardcore criminals? hmmmmmm. Also, you more than likely already know a sociopath and dont even know that you do. We are hard enough to diagnose by pros-let alone friends. We are mostly very charming and not at all cold and reptile "like", like you might think.
amber234 on August 31, 2012:
ok, I am going to open and up and go out on a dangerous (for me) limb, here. I find it very sad at some of the comments directed toward sociopathic woman. Not to point fingers but some comments particularly, from simone were very unfair. Just because some one is a sociopath does not mean they are a bad person. There are many factors in that come in to play where sociopaths are concerned but just because a sociopath may not feel remorse, does not mean that they do not know right from wrong and just because said sociopath doesn't feel love as you may feel it, doesn't mean that they dont fom attachments and affections towards family, husbands, children, etc. A sociopath rates love kind of like they rate happiness so if a man made her laugh/happy she feels affection for him. If a child fulfills her life she loves him. If her family has been good to her-she is grateful and loyal to a fault. Also, not all sociopaths manipulate and get joy out of seeing others hurt. I can tell you all of this because I am a female sociopath and I have never admitted that before out of shame but the truth is that I am a good and loyal person who would never harm any one unless they harmed me first. I have spent my life feeling sad (and yes we can feel sad) because i can not feel something when i see a dead animal on the road. I have felt bad that some one dieing doesn't bring me to tears. On the upside, I look at the positive in every thing. When someone dies, i think they go on to something better, etc. We do care about people in our way it is just different from how you may care about people and no it is not just for what we can gain. I am in the medical field and damn good at what i do and you all may be surprised how many doctors, nurses, surgeons are actually sociopaths but yet they devote their lives to helping others. Does that make you think? If it doesn't, it should. I am sure that I will be crucified for admitting to you what I have however, if any one has any productive questions or comments, please feel free to reply. On a quick side note; I find it ironic how many hateful, awful comments were made by those of you, "none sociopaths"-lol, what's your excuses?.
Dprang on August 23, 2012:
At work, one would have to stroke the hand of a pyschopath, especially if she has a position of power. Knowing what you are dealing with is certainly an advantage.
However, there is absolutely no way I could accept a pyschopath into my inner world of friends, lovers etc. I have read excerts from the book, 'Mask of Insanity'. I believe pyschopaths are a major societal concern, hardcore criminals and power hungry so called 'normal' psychopaths. It is their lack of fear and empathy makes them this way.
I know we are all humans, but some of us are not guided by the 'golden rule'....and if not, what does guide them?
just why not on July 26, 2012:
This advice seemed irresponsible until I took a look at some of your other content. Quite an interest in facial expressions you have, and your analyses of various ways in which to meet people, exude confidence (or the lack thereof), and your information on using internet dating instead make this piece seem a bit sinister. Reeling in the suckers, eh?
Free2writ3 from Sharon Hill, Pennsylvania on July 25, 2012:
Thank you for sharing this hub.It is really informative.
Stclairjack from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks on April 24, 2012:
a sense of humor is just lost on some,... to the point that it may need to be re-clasified as a new super-power.
loved the hub,.. had me gigling gleefuly.
Debra Allen from West By God on April 24, 2012:
I have been dealing with such a person and I am going to disengage in anything she says or does this weekend. I have to do it in person because she is Chairman of the Board in our Neighborhood's HOA. I am the Neighborhood Watch Chair[person and will no longer be come Saturday. Thanks for the tip.
Sociopathic Love Life on April 17, 2012:
It’s a hell that I am used to
Every day and night
It’s a constant prattle
Like the steel clash of a continual battle
No romance, no peace, hanging on to sanity
With a smile on my face
Living life showing no fear or tremble in my voice
In total chaos, trying to find my place
Happy memories replaced by spite and hate
The dogs of war are loose, it’s to late
The sun has set, it’s the monsoon season
A world without reason
No respite from the cruel gods of war
Trying to grind our dreams to dust evermore
It’s a hell that I am used to
Praying that tomorrow will bring happiness to my shore
In the mean time I’ll try to close Pandora’s door
Been there...done that on April 17, 2012:
Your experiences must have been with "amature sociopaths". Believe me, I lived with one for 4 1/2 years. They are quite practiced in the art of deception. She is her late forties, with plenty of sociopathic experience. Your advice is going get someone seriously hurt. THEY DON'T HAVE COMMON GOALS! They don't play by any rules. They keep "morphing" after years of lies, deception, manipulation, and malice. They are "like vampires" never invite one into your house! The only way to win with a sociopath, is to avoid them and never interact with them. They will take everything that you value(including your sanity), fuck all your friends and relatives behind your back, and laugh at any pain that they cause you! When you get over them...you will how truly ugly they really are!
Zoey from South England on March 19, 2012:
Loved this hub. Although i did not realise that Miranda Priestly was a sociopath when i watched the film, and i actualy know several women like her...scary!! voted up :)
Simplistic on March 18, 2012:
The advice was very simplistic.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on March 14, 2012:
Oh, that would be quite the unfortunate scenario indeed.
Irish1359 on March 10, 2012:
Or when she one is your Secretary and you just can't get rid of them yet.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on February 28, 2012:
Oh wow. Well, yeah... walking away would probably be the best thing to do, Anon! ^_^;;
Anon on February 27, 2012:
But my socio gf is sooo good in bed when she wants to be! Started dating this gal like 6 months ago...did all the tricks to win me over. Now I see the "dark" side and its scary, and sad bc I really do care about her. But after reading up on it she certainly fits the description and I have to just walk away.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on January 27, 2012:
Thanks for stopping by, thesingernurse!
And I don't disagree with you, Phil.
Phil on January 23, 2012:
This is a completely inane and irresponsible topic.
THE THING TO DO WITH A SOCIOPATH is to AVOID THEM!!
Tina Siuagan from Rizal, Philippines on January 22, 2012:
Great! I learned a lot. Thank you for sharing. :)
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on December 15, 2011:
Thanks for the comment reeltaulk! If only sociopathic women got paired off with other sociopaths. I imagine they might go together famously... or at least clash in a very entertaining manner.
reeltaulk on December 13, 2011:
I laughed here and there as I was reading your hub. Although many may believe sociopath women may not have feelings could care less, as well as may even "play by their own rules", this is not all true. No woman as such is worth entertaining, getting to know, use engage whatever and if anyone does they as well are sociopaths. It's one thing not to be in the know and be naïve. Women as such behave this way because they have no respect for themselves for whatever reason. I won't go into breaking that down. Also they have felt so much pain in their life so their only bent on sharing that pain with everyone else. It doesn't matter if their reasons make sense to you. They some how justify it in their head as being ok. One thing I will say majority of sociopaths meet their match and what makes this match unbelievable is their match is some what naïve and has no idea who they are or what they are "capable" of.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on December 09, 2011:
What a horrifying story, smilner! I'm so sorry to hear about all of the damage this woman caused. And I'm so sorry for your loss. I appreciate your sharing your story here, and hope it serves as a good warning to people so they understand that, while not all sociopaths are this terrible, some can be unspeakably threatening.
smilner on November 16, 2011:
My older brother, Steven finally became aware that there was something terribly wrong with his wife of 17 years in June 2010. He started doing research and had pretty much concluded she had antisocial personality disorder. After my own searching I think she fits into what I have learned about sociopaths even better. Whatever you choose to call them is irrelevant. You must become fully informed of what these type of people are capable of. What you MUST acknowledge is that they are extremely dangerous people, capable of ANYTHING to fulfill their "mission". My brothers wife lied, stole, falsified documents, manipulated and destroyed her family with all of her deceit. The scary part is when she was confronted with all of this information and proof of her horrific actions, she turned on him like a rabid dog. For years she manipulated him with her sexuality, intelligence (they can be VERY smart and have to be to pull off alot of the things they do) charisma and "fast talking". My brother loved this woman too much for his own good. And after 8 months of uncovering all of her lies (falsified bank documents to make it look like more money was in the bank, taking a 2nd mortgage out on their home without his knowledge and piling up more than $100,000 in credit card debt. He was so destroyed by her betrayel and deceit that he started falling into a scary, depressive state while still working close to 60 hours a week to attempt to fix some of this. His last straw was on 2/27/11 when she came to him with her batting eyes and oops! i forgot to tell you bullshit, that they owed the IRS over $25,000 on top of everything else, including the bankruptcy they had just filed for. This was more than my dear, much, much beloved brother could take and the next morning at 5:20 am he called my precious mother and told her he couldn't go on and to tell everyone he loved us. By the time the police found him at approx 6:15 am, he had already shot himself through his heart. There is SO MUCH MORE to this story, but this is a taste of the danger of sociopaths and what they are capable of. One last thing, she was engaged to another man within 3 months of her husbands suicide and made it very clear to our entire family that the past is the past and my brother is the past so she doesn't think about him anymore. I hope this scares the crap out of you and if you have anyone you think is a sociopath or has antisocial personality disorder in your life, GET AWAY FROM THEM IMMEDIATELY!
ricky star on October 24, 2011:
feed there sociopathic language back to them ,deal in a detatched manner with all problems , blanket ban anything which may cause a problem , and you are talking the language of sociopath ,, but this is adifficult brain taxing and time consuming exercise ,, and at the end of the day why should you? ,,, they don,t have the capacity to do any of this for you ,
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on September 22, 2011:
Thanks naturalsolutions! And I quite agree.
naturalsolutions on September 21, 2011:
Simon, you are truly amazing every blog you post are definitely unique and give us a great sense.
I think dealing with the sociopathic women is a little bit difficult, but it is possible if we try.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on September 21, 2011:
I don't imagine there's any escape from THAT socio path, Ausseye. But only the boring sociopoos retreat.
Ausseye on September 09, 2011:
Simone:Whoo what socio paths you lead us along, and we have much to learn. I can't get the SS out of my head, now theres a happy group of socially minded human being set upon a goal of just leadership.
Mind you USED stuff ends up in junk shops, and can be revalued and once again admired. So is that what happens to someone who has been a sociopath toy, do they get valued more. Now if that true we have a lot of treasure on our hands. Escaping down the socio path is quite a feat and should be rewarded with an non-empathy injection, something the SS were working on but defeat got in the way. It took it 's toll as one of those sociopoos retreated to a bunker and did his family in before, ending it all because, his/her people had failed them and it wasn't fun playing anymore.
A great guide but bugger me if those sociopricks haven't cottened onto our attempts to defuse their power and raised the stakes. Because they carn't control us as easily as before they just ambush us in an explosive way.....you see they don't care and if they can't win nor can we be allowed to. It's either that or they send the corporate bust, that will teach those toys to behave and allow us to take the salery we want. Escape that if you can!!!
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on August 30, 2011:
Aye, that they can, Lori. Though not all sociopaths are killers, and not all killers are sociopaths.
11 years of firsthand experience with a sociopath? Dang, sparkster, that sounds less than ideal. And your personal story... that sounds like an outright nightmare! About joining in on sociopaths' evil games, then, I have a clarification to make: you can join them, but only temporary, and you've GOT to have a safe exit plan, for as you have expressed, once you are no longer useful to sociopaths, they'll... well, they'll not discard you nicely.
Yikes, what a chilling idea, kallini2010! What book is that? I agree though, being a (successful) sociopath sure is all about good acting. Though... perhaps sociopaths have a glimmer of actual compassion buried away somewhere. After all, unlike psychopaths, sociopaths' lack of empathy is learned.
kallini2010 from Toronto, Canada on August 30, 2011:
Being a sociopath might be good for politics, on the other hand you have to be a good actor. It is not about caring about other people's feelings, it is about being able to mimic compassion. Might be difficult for a sociopath. We all have good radars, just like animals.
In one of my favourite books, there was a scene when a scientist offers to remove empathy for good - "Your mother will be tortured in front of you and you would not feel a thing." The character felt tempted.
Marc Hubs from United Kingdom on August 29, 2011:
After 11 years of first-hand experience being with a sociopathic woman I have to agree with Lori. It's not easy to distance yourself emotionally and mentally from someone who has been 'fooling' you all along into thinking that she's a sweet little angel who you fell in love with. Then you find out after many years that she's actually a crafty devious manipulative sociopath capable of sinking so filthy and low that it actually makes you feel physically sick to your stomach.
For me I was just about to ask her to marry me and she stole ALL the money and went off jumping into bed with another family member behind my back, this was shocking and the fact that she STILL has ALL my friends and family fooled by her fake self-image and all taking her side leaves your soul, heart, life and mind completely destroyed. The damage is done and can never be undone.
You can't join a sociopath in their filthy stinking endeavours because the only reason they want you there is to use and manipulate you, you are not a part of their game.
Lori on August 26, 2011:
Sociopath women are very dangerous and should be avoided at ALL costs. If they can't kill you they can convince their sick friends to do it for them.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 09, 2011:
Greetings FOXnotCoyotes! I'm so glad you stopped by, and thank you ever so for the comment, which is probably the most detailed one I have received so far! It is lovely to read my work quoted back to me, for surely there is nothing so melodious to my mind's ear than my own writing (aside from my name, which is pure joy to read).
Do not worry, my dear FOX, I am certainly on the way to being destroyed by a sociopath. I hope that your celebration of my (no doubt soon) death will have either a nautical or Iron Man theme, for I find both to be particularly delightful, and I imagine that you'll be able to purchase Iron Man paper plates and napkins at a discount.
But in all seriousness, I do agree that sociopaths (along with non-sociopaths, hippies, hipsters, Republicans, school children, and zookeepers) can be dangerous and should not be trifled with. I also concur that anyone who abuses other living beings, be they adults, teenagers, children, pets, or animals, is not to be tolerated or made an ally.
That said, I must question, in a most respectful manner, your suggestion that all sociopaths are dangerous and singularly intent on ruining others' lives. Some simply avoid people and become strange and reclusive freaks. Others go on to become successful businesspeople. Indeed, some sociopaths are smart enough to realize that when one follows most of the rules and pleases others instead of hurting them, one can get much farther than if they attempt to blindly destroy everything. Note that masochism is not one of the symptoms of a sociopath. Just disregard for others- which can go either way.
But of course, FOXnotCoyotes, we are really running about in pointless circles, for sociopaths as we discuss them here are a thing of the past. Today, such individuals are grouped with those suffering from Antisocial Personality Disorder. You see, my friend, the term 'sociopath' is used more in a slang sense than a clinical one these days, so when one calls another person a sociopath, they're hardly making an official diagnosis. Most of the time, they're joking or expressing sarcasm, which I hope you caught a whiff of in this article.
Oh, but look at me, puttering on! Obviously I have a bus to get hit by. Off I go then, whee!
FOXnotCoyotes on July 09, 2011:
You seriously need some educating Simone Smith. Sociopathic woman need not only to be seen in a negative light they are very dangerous. In your article you use a lot of "you should's... and you might's" because you just plain don't know. To quote you; "They just live by a different set of rules","To reduce the effect her tyranny may have on you". "One who lives without remorse and is unable to cultivate feelings of affection for others isn't necessarily a bad person". "Sociopathic women have an even worse reputation than their male counterparts"."sociopathic women are viewed as dangerous, shifty, ruthless witches". I used your own words against you and all I had to do was copy and paste. Your uneducated and stupid to think that you can work with, overcome and get by an SP. What do you think a sociopath does in the real world? Their wreckless desreguard has let children to be abused and neglected, their deception has left their partners to commit suicide, co-workers out of a job...ect... Your 3 rules are a joke. First, You are already in her way because you are able to identify her. She will suspect you if theres a problem. Second, interaction and contact will occur even more now that she knows or thinks that you are to blame. Your her target. She will draw you in and study you more through any means nessary. Third, she knew your weakness from how you interacted with others, she observes HER environment and those in it. They cannot be managed. How can you grasp the wind? Simone you are a dolt and to give advice to people that will ruin their life and may get them killed is irresponsible! A sociopath will stop at absolutely nothing to destroy you. See them for what they are, social terrorists! Hey dummy! Keep poking at the lion! I want one less idiot on this planet to deal with.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 02, 2011:
Hahaa, live and learn! Yeah, sociopaths may also come across bearing those features you described, but they come in all shapes and sizes. Thanks for reading the Hub!
legalese on June 30, 2011:
Without thinking I clicked on this hub because I read "sociopath" and thought it was just being used as a synonym for crazy.... and I am always up for some light-hearted crazy talk. When I think of crazy I think of someone who has placed more than one hundred 911 calls in any given calendar year. Someone who, with full knowledge of her own recent illicit drug use, would voluntarily request a drug test in Court to "prove" that her husband is a liar. You know someone who is really fun. Turns out you meant "sociopath" in the clinical sense. Sociopathic is maybe not quite as fun as crazy, but, as you noted in this hub, it can still yield "hilarious misadventures." I loved the hub.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on June 28, 2011:
She's a charming gal, I'm sure :D
SealBeach on June 28, 2011:
Reminds me of one of my sisters!
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on June 28, 2011:
I will admit, Wesman Todd Shaw , that It is rather fun to say "OMG! WHAT A WEIRDO!" but since I yell that upon waking every morning, I find I get it out of my system early on.
Thanks for reading, kimh039! I hope my odd tips may come in handy someday.
Kim Harris on June 27, 2011:
This was fun. Love your style, Simone.
Wesman Todd Shaw from Kaufman, Texas on June 27, 2011:
LOL! I'm glad that you see that I'm both serious and joking - the other option is to say, "OMG! WHAT A WEIRDO!"
I love your sense of humour!
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on June 27, 2011:
If she is, I get first dibs, Mister.
And ahahaha!! What a strange superpower you've developed! I wonder how that might be shown on a resume.
Wesman Todd Shaw: Excellent writing and interpersonal skills; can sniff out all the liars, cheats, and sociopaths...
Well, it's a good skill! And c'mon, man. Cupcakes are serious business.
Wesman Todd Shaw from Kaufman, Texas on June 27, 2011:
I've no idea who Miranda Priestly is - but is she available?
One time in a drug rehab (there was more than one time, don't let me fool you. . . .) my counsellor told me this:
"You've got a sick picker. If there were a thousand beautiful women standing before you, and you had a choice over which one you wanted - you would pick the ONE in a thousand that was sick. You've got a sick picker!"
My stream was full of Simone Cupcake links. . .or something, so finally I went to see the Simone Page. Somehow my derision of cupcakes has prevented me from perusing some wisdom, and so now, I must either read, or perish from foolishness.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on June 27, 2011:
Holy cow, Hyphenbird! What a woman that was O_O Well, I guess some female sociopaths ARE just all kinds of awful. Though perhaps if you pulled some sociopathic moves on her, she would have been easier to work with? Hahaa :D
Heck yeah, Om!
And thanks, Happyboomernurse. It's true- sometimes one has no choice but to work with a sociopath, so one might as well try to make the best of it / minimize damage!
You're a sharp one, PETER LUMETTA ;)
I suppose one might want a relationship with a sociopath if one wants the amusement, potential perks (e.g. connections, access to awesome parties/cars/whatever, etc..), or good horror stories, mslizzee. I think that people become sociopaths out of a need to cope with something. If one is hurt too much, or grew up in a very hostile environment, or just too dang sensitive, one might develop a sociopathic personality just to get by.
Oh, good point about the confidence being an attractive attribute. So true. And you're right about relationships being a give-and-take affair. With sociopaths, one must simply be sure, therefore, that the items exchanged are NOT emotions or dependence, since sociopaths have trouble delivering on those fronts.
Given what you say, Adil, I imagine that sociopaths might do rather well in developing countries in which women are not given much respect or standing... at least *they* will have an easier time fighting themselves to the top...?
Adil on June 26, 2011:
this is very informative article. it is very important to learn how to deal with the sociopathic women to improve her social status. in 3rd world contreis women are not treated well. they are being fallen down in the darkness. i like your article. i wish people may learn from it and try to practically follow what has been said ;
LiamBean from Los Angeles, Calilfornia on June 25, 2011:
mslizzee: I'm not sure what the attraction would be. I can see where a wealth of self-confidence can be attractive, but since I already have that avoiding sociopaths at all costs is my aim.
Relationships should be a give and take affair. After all, what's the point if your partner does not provide something you lack?
elizabeth from Buncombe County, NC on June 25, 2011:
Does anyone really want a relationship with one? Tell me what do you think are the root causes for this disorder. Why would someone be so callous and unfeeling?
PETER LUMETTA from KENAI, ALAKSA on June 25, 2011:
Simone, it seems you've outed some Hubbers. Nevermind they won't even notice. Did I detect a teensy tiny bit of self confession here? No I'm sorry it couldn't be, Hugs, Peter
Gail Sobotkin from South Carolina on June 24, 2011:
I really enjoyed this hub with its out of the box thinking. Very helpful, especially for those times one has no choice but to interact with a sociopathic woman, such as when she's your boss.
Om Paramapoonya on June 24, 2011:
Awesome! I'm glad you know how to deal with me. :P
Brenda Barnes from America-Broken But Still Beautiful on June 24, 2011:
I don't know. I worked with one and she was awful. She had an affair with her son in law and that is only a sample. But I do love your Hub:)
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on June 24, 2011:
Better late than never!
Augustine A Zavala from Texas on June 24, 2011:
Could have used this hub a year ago, but never to late to learn. Thanks!