How to Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do

Updated on May 17, 2019
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Audrey's burning desire to help others to respect and understand themselves led her to the study of psychology at UCLA.

"It's Not My Fault." -- Being the Victim of a Narcissistic Personality

Chronic blaming is a form of emotional abuse. It often hurts just as much as physical pain does. We feel helpless over the blamer and a certain fear sets in.

Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive effect on you.

Unfortunately, I have a family member who fits this type of personality. It has taken me a lifetime to recognize that she lives with a mental disorder. I became a victim by buying into her belief system. I accepted criticism and verbal abuse. I felt sorry for her because she had a rough childhood. I found myself walking on eggshells with every conversation.

Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends.

You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.

Don't become a victim of your accuser.
Don't become a victim of your accuser. | Source

The Truth Will Set You Free

At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair. And, it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we feel guilty.

Here's what you'll hopefully learn about in this article:

  • Why it's about the accuser and not you
  • Why all that matters is the truth
  • Being a victim of narcissistic personality
  • Knowledge is power when dealing with negative personalities
  • 7 key signs of a blamer
  • Narcissistic personality disorder criteria
  • The common body language of liars

The Accusation is a Reflection of Your Accuser, Not You

Let's face it. Being blamed for something you are innocent of hurts. But truth is the one thing that survives after all time and recriminations have past. I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much. Even so, it is true.

Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend. They are miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgment and makeup lies about other people.

You Don't Need to Prove Your Innocence

You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

The Bible tells us to "Pray for those that despitefully use you." Whether you believe in the Holy Book or not, the advice is good. Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free. So try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.

Learning New Strategies for Dealing With Blamers

Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.

When I finally learned that I had been manipulated to believe that something was wrong with me I felt empowered with a sense of freedom. Though it wasn't easy to give up the close relationship between my sibling and me, it has been the best choice I ever made. I no longer need the approval of that particular sibling to know that I have value.

Armor yourself with knowledge. Like a bullet-proof vest, the toxic blame will bounce right off of you. The more aware you are, the better. You will avoid these types of relationships and save your self-esteem.

In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements", do not to take anything others say personally. This takes much practice but oh, my, you will feel empowered. You have the right to believe or not believe the opinions of others. And be careful of your own self-dialogue. Even the opinions you have about yourself may not be true.

So begin now to practice not taking anything personally. When you take things personally, you set yourself up to suffer. When we really see people for who they are, without taking it personally, we can never be hurt.

The best way of protecting ourselves from a blamer is to establish an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

7 Key Signs of a Blamer

The following list will help you identify the signs and behaviors of a blamer:

  1. Pessimism. Pessimism is one of the sure signs of a blamer. No matter how positive you are, they will always find something bad to happen. There's often no talking them out of their negative thinking.
  2. Making excuses. Blamers are always making excuses for their own actions. They are very good at this. They will rarely take responsibility for their behavior.
  3. Passing the blame. Blamers will tend to always pass the blame on to someone else, while never taking responsibility for their actions.
  4. Quick temperament. Being quick-tempered can be another sign to watch for. Blamers are known to have short fuses.
  5. Takes credit. A blamer always insists on credit for being right. Oh, how they love to shout, "I told you so!"
  6. Betrayal. Being trustworthy is not part of a blamer's character. They are typically back-stabbers. So, be very careful. If you don't want something you say to be repeated, then don't say it.
  7. Envy. Envy is the blamer's middle name. Any time you get something nice, they become angry and envious. This includes any success you might have. When you're sick or in pain, believe me -- they're happy. They may not realize this and in fact, will deny it. Then, when you feel great and positive again, they may immediately remind you that "soon, bad things will happen, so don't get too comfortable."

Beware of people who automatically assume the fault is yours. After all, it could never be their fault. By the way, these people also love to play mind games. They rehearse their entire dialogue so they will be prepared for your next conversation. It's a full-time job for them.

Narcissistic Behavior: "It's All About Me"

One way to spot a blamer is by narcissistic behavior. If the person demonstrates signs of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), blaming others for personal problems in life feels normal to them.

Learning all we can about narcissism is beneficial in two ways.

  1. It provides us with an understanding of the behavior itself. In turn, we are better prepared to cope and deal with the effects of this disorder.
  2. We may even recognize some signs of narcissism in our own personalities and take steps to correct it. With awareness and desire, combined with some hard work, this disorder can be overcome. Seek the help of a qualified doctor.

Extreme selfishness is a red flag for identifying narcissism. While most of us tend to be a little on the selfish side, those with NPD carry it to a whole different extreme.

Narcissists are preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and brilliance, along with a high sense of entitlement. They can be rude, arrogant and even abusive.

They are usually quite defensive and arrogant. You'll never begin to reason with them so don't even try.

Remember that this type of personality will throw the blame on you whenever it's convenient. The best defense is no defense. Learn to completely ignore a narcissist.

A reminder: "The greatest prize for life's labors isn't in material possessions or impressive accomplishments but in the progress of personal character. You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward. Who you become is your greatest possession, make it your masterpiece! " -- Matt Moody Ph.D., Social Psychologist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To give you more ammunition for how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do, listed below are criteria for NPD.

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance, exaggerating talents and achievements. Look for a feeling of superiority.
  • Hungers for excessive admiration and attention.
  • Has a sense of entitlement.
  • Displays arrogant behavior.
  • Really believes that others are jealous of them.
  • Lacks empathy for others.
  • Takes advantage of others to further self.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of power, love, or beauty.
  • Harbors feelings of jealousy
  • They are seldom, if ever, wrong.

Three Rules to Help Protect You When Dealing With a Narcissist

I could have saved myself plenty of pain and stress if only I had learned years ago how to set boundaries for myself when dealing with a narcissist.

  • They are quick to blame others instead of taking responsibility. And they are champions at this. Be prepared.
  • Never confide or give too much personal information to this type of person. They'll use it as ammunition later when it's convenient.
  • Don't take anything they say personally. This isn't easy but it's necessary.

A person with NPD will not change so don't expect them to. Honor yourself by setting up boundaries.

Is That Person Lying to You? Check Their Body Language

If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, check their body language. While there may be exceptions to the following tips, these are used by police and investigators:

  • Check the eyes. If the person avoids eye contact, that's a clue that he or she may be lying.
  • Watch the gestures and expression. If the gestures and expression don't match the verbal dialogue, that's another sign. Example: "I like you," while frowning.
  • A guilty person will get defensive.
  • Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying.
  • Touching the nose often can be a sign of lying.
  • Covering the mouth indicates deceit.
  • Be aware of eye movement. The eyes move to the left during a lie.
  • Watch out for body movement. When a person tells the truth they tend to lean forward. When they tell a lie they tend to lean backward.
  • Watch hand, arm, and leg movements. When lying, these body movements are stiff and restricted.
  • Pay attention to too many details given. Liars tend to go on and on to get you to believe them.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed above can also be demonstrated by someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, or guilt-ridden for another reason, can have these same reactions.

In Conclusion - Exemplify Honesty

If we live in such a way that we exemplify complete honesty, we develop integrity. This is the best way to ward off being blamed or accused in the first place. Honesty begins in childhood. Children learn best by example. Teach your children and your grandchildren the value of always being truthful.

Oftentimes problems are sent to us as gifts. Even being blamed for something we are innocent of can be a path to discovery. We can learn and grow from this painful and unfair experience. All meaningful change comes from the inside and not from our external circumstances.

When we blame others, we prevent ourselves from learning. Taking responsibility for our actions and even our thoughts keep us free from blaming others. Consider this if you've been a victim of blame.

The title for this Hub was inspired by a post in the HubPages forum on the same subject. Remembering a time when I once took the blame for something I didn't do (it was traumatic for me), I decided to share my thoughts and write a Hub about how to deal with this problem. I hope you've found it helpful.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain

Just Do Your Best

I'd like to share a simple but powerful thought written by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements:

"Just do your best - in any circumstance in your life. It doesn't matter if you are sick or tired if you always do your best there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don't judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment. By always doing your best, you will break a big spell that you have been under."

I challenge you to read this several times. Every time you do, this message will become more ingrained and you will learn something new and valuable. Set yourself free of all guilt regardless of where the blame comes from by always doing your best.

Consider This:

Never take anything personally. This isn't easy to do but it's important to trust yourself when it comes to believing or not believing what someone says to you.

"Hurt people, hurt other people". When I'm blamed for something I didn't do, I try to remember this. It keeps me from reacting emotionally.

Questions & Answers

  • What do you do when no one believes when you are wrongly accused?

    As long as I know I'm innocent, then it's my accusers' problem and not mine. Continue to live with integrity and be proud and confident that you always speak the truth.

  • What do you do when it’s your spouse that’s falsely accusing you? That’s mental abuse. Is it a reason to divorce if it’s an ongoing situation?

    I recommend that you talk with a counselor about this.

  • Should I apologize for something I didn't do just to obtain their forgiveness?

    This is more the other persons' problem than yours. You know you're not guilty. I think it depends on the person. Sometimes its just better to leave it alone. The person may not have the ability to forgive anyhow. Listen to your heart and follow what it tells you to do. If saying you're sorry makes you feel better than go for it!

  • I said sorry for something I didn’t do, but the person I said sorry to doesn't believe I didn’t do it, they think I’m lying. What’s your advice?

    If you apologized and the person doesn't believe you then the problem is theirs, not yours.

  • I have been married for forty-four years, since I was sixteen. After reading your article, I realize that I am married to a narcissist. Most of the time he is wonderful but when his narcissism kicks in I get so depressed. How do I deflect him when he is in the mode? P.S., I also have mental issues of which I see a psychiatrist monthly for my meds.

    My suggestion is for you both to seek counseling. A professional will be able to help you better than I.

© 2012 Audrey Hunt

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    • profile image

      Lil 

      3 months ago

      Ive been falsely accused of something quite serious my sister friend who she works with as a dancer in Lincolnshire has accused me of indecent exposure when i had her kids one of her children told her mum that i did something now this friend of my sister has gone and put this on facebook and told other people about it where i live instead of coming to me first and discussing it with me i have looked after her kids before few times now they can and do lie about things that happen. Shes got 2 children aged 9 and 6 boy and girl. I'm really hurt that this happened behind my back and i wasnt informed about this incident that happened over 3 weeks ago wasnt mentioned until now. My family believe me my two nieces aged 18 months and 8 years old was with me on the same evening.To put something on facebook that was blown out of portion i dont understand why my sister friend didnt ring me or come to my flat and have a women chat i know for a fact that i didnt do anything wrong as such all i did was to ask a 9 year old girl to take a look at something for me which was on a part of my body i couldnt see properly i had a bite or something all i wanted her to do was to take a look how bad the bite was. The young girl told her mum and her mum has gone around telling people what i did and worse. I feel like crying and im deeply upset that this has happened. I have been told now by my sister that her friend doesnt no longer wants me to babysit for her and that my reputation has been tarnished. My sister friend can be very weird towards others to one min she will speak to you and say hello other times ive seen her and I've completely been ignored and she has walked past me like i dont exist. She blows hot and cold on every one i dont know whether to speak to her and say hello and mention this or to forget about it and move on any advice on this i would be grateful. Thank you

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 

      3 months ago from Fresno CA

      This is truly vital information. I wish I knew this 40 years ago. I was married to a Narcissistic person and he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. I found later that he was the one cheating. It makes so much sense now but back then I was sure I was doing something to cause all my heartache. He loved it when I was in agony and often beat me to ensure it. I had to leave him. There was no other way. He nearly killed me and my two babies one night. I hope lots of people find this information a source of hope and help. Thanks for sharing.

      Blessings,

      Denise

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      shawna1984

      What a terrible experience for you. Sometimes, walking away is the best course of action. I wish you every success as you look for another job. Thank you for sharing.

    • profile image

      shawna1984 

      4 months ago

      I cannot tolerate this type of personality and left a work position due to this. An employer loved to text. Whenever a question regarding simple paperwork or scheduling came up, I'd receive texts accusing me of all kinds of things. One text after another. Missing/not showing up for work, not turning in invoices, changing schedules without permission...etc. Instead of simply asking me about the problem he had, he'd accuse me of all kinds of things. all these texts would stress me out....especially not knowing what the heck he was talking about. I calmly walked through what was going on & solved each problem that had absolutely nothing to do with what he'd accused me of, but after the third time of this, I decided to look for work elsewhere. Horrible way to treat people.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Patricia

      Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, narcissistic people can indeed cause very serious problems. I'm so sorry for all you've been through and I wish you the best.

    • profile image

      Patricia 

      5 months ago

      My narcissist saw

      me chatting with a neighbor..who was asking me how I was feeling (I had been sick). My narcissist came home right at the time he was chatting with me. I came back in and he was getting violent and accused me of cheating. I knew I had to leave and go somewhere safe, so I went to my pastors condo. There were 2 other women who lived there. Many times I had to call 911 on the narcissist and the police recommended that I go to a safe place instead of waiting for him to hit me. So I left my narcissist at home stewing. He broke a cute red clock i had in my living room..tried cleaning up the mess and cut his hand on the glass. He wanted revenge so he called the police and said I stabbed his hand. That is a Felonious assault charge. The police called me at 1130 and asked me to come back. I arrived and they took me to jail. I got off because my attorney showed how ridiculous it was and because the narcissist never charged me. I couldn't come back to my own apartment for over a month cuz the judge gave me no contact. This apartment was mine not his..So I wasn't allowed to go home until my court date. These Narcissistic people can really cause some serious problems. If i had been charged i could have spent some serious time in jail or prison. He never said sorry. One more thing. While he was at the apartment he removed all my art work from my walls and he broke all my family pictures. He is jealous of my family. Omg

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      5 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      This is unfortunate and the best thing for you to do is to simply forget it and go on with your life. Blamers are a type of narcissist with a huge ego. They use blame to feel better about themselves.

      Don't give this person anymore thought. Direct your attention to what you love to do.

      Thanks.

    • profile image

      George Sahakyan 

      5 months ago

      Hello Audrey Hunt thanks for you hellp.I'm about some girls she accused me like I put something in her drink but I do know her I've never seen her before I got a lot of strees it was crazy

    • profile image

      Al 

      6 months ago

      Is there scientific proof to back up the part about body language?

    • profile image

      Aleigh 

      6 months ago

      UHG MY "bestfriend said I was bullying her and that I have depression telling her to shut up and how Im making her miserable. TEACHERS ARE GETTING INVOLVED! UHG I HATE HER SO DAME MUCH!

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Joanna

      Yes, i sent him a lenghty email that he responded to a while back. He seems to be doing much better these days. We talk regularly about his program and hes trying hard. Thanks for asking about him

    • profile image

      Joanna 

      6 months ago

      I wonder if that guy "Rob " in the comments below is doing ok? I didnt see a reply to him?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Geri

      To hear that my article is helpful for you absolutely made my day. I appreciate your kind words.

      Be happy and go with peace in your lovely heart.

      Audrey

    • gerimcclym profile image

      Geri McClymont 

      6 months ago

      Thank you for this article, Audrey. I came across it at just the right time. Your insights and suggestions are very helpful and appreciated.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Peter

      This must be so frustrating for you. I would say that this person has a real problem. You may be better off by dropping this guy. He doesn't sound like a friend. You don't need this.

      Good luck, Peter and thanks.

    • profile image

      Peter 

      7 months ago

      I am a guy of 3 friends. Daniel, and Noah. Usually, Noah would make pranks for Daniel, since they are good friends. AND HOLY SHIT! HE BLAMES ME EVERYTIME! Like damn.

      Thanks for this

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Lorence

      Narcissism is a mental disorder. Other disorders can mimic narcissism. Only a qualified doctor can detect whether your daughter suffers from this disorder.

      That being said, it sounds like you are not being treated with respect. I'm sorry about your situation. It may be best to distance yourself for a time from her. Not an easy thing to do, but your health is important. Think about it.

      I wish you the best.

    • profile image

      Lorence 

      7 months ago

      I truly beleive my daughter is narcacist. She blames me for everything if she knows she did wrong she quickly turns tha table on me laying blame on me for what ever pops in her head

      Then i will not see her or hear from her for sometime. If i attempt to see her and she is mot ready to face me she will make up another lie and accuse me of somethingh.she knows full well i did not do. Im drained with trying to continue to keep seeing her and to keep peace it is a strain on my health and my own mental state i have no ideal what to do

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Elle

      Thanks for your suggestion. Blamers rarely take responsibility for their actions. Every situation is different which makes it more difficult to give advice.

      Devin

      It sounds like you are caught right in the middle of this situation and I'm sorry. Just try to be true to yourself. These predicaments have a way of changing sooner or later.

      Nihilego

      Thanks for sharing your comments. As long as you know you're innocent, let that be enough for now. Good luck.

    • profile image

      Nihilego 

      7 months ago

      My mom used this website but completely overlooked the fact that she is a narcissist, merely looking here for more fuel. She only used your section on 'how to tell if someone is lying'. Now I can't do any of those things when I'm confronted with something she accuses me of. Doing those things when I'm innocent instantly puts all mom's blame on me, and now I'm her 'little thief'. So. Yeah.That happened.

    • profile image

      Devin 

      7 months ago

      My mom is my accuser in this situation. There are fights between my mom and dad daily that can stem from anything. My mom tells me not to trust my dad for some pretty bad things he did, such as listening to his mother berate mine and doing just that to mine, as well as lying about some very important things. While I do listen to her as there is pretty compelling evidence that he did do these things and have been trying to limit contact with him, my mom is now also accusing me of listening of him and doing the exact same things he is doing. I vaguely recall things that I did do when I was 10 or 12 which to this day I am ashamed of, but do not recall doing since. I have been trying to better myself, distance myself from these issues, and help her out more, but these accusations, fights, and putdowns have been practically routine for me by this point and have really taken a toll on me. What should I do?

    • profile image

      Elle 

      7 months ago

      For anyone that is falsely accused of something. It is best to say calmly, "Are you falsely accusing me?

      Then say, " No, I am not interested in so & so...If this bad behavior continues we are done." Either hang up the phone or if in person walk away. That will teach her NOT to falsely accuse... she will eventually find out who did whatever. But you won't be around. Lol!

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      S P Austen

      Thank you for a wonderful in-depth comment as always. It really adds to my article. You can’t see me, but I’m totally doing a happy dance. I value your support.

      Enjoy your evening.

    • Stephen Austen profile image

      S P Austen 

      8 months ago from Qualicum Beach, BC, Canada

      A great article, Audrey and absolutely spot on! I can think of several people who I have known and still know, who definitely fit the bill on these characteristics. Some of them exhibit every single personality trait that you have outlined. Well done, this is an excellent piece.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Deborah,

      Wow! How did you manage to stay in such a relationship for 20 years? You are clearly a beautiful and patient person. I hold a new respect for you, my friend.

      May happiness and peace be with you every day.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 

      8 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      This article is spot on. I was married to this person for twenty years and he exhibited every characteristic you've discussed.

      Thanks for writing this informative and accurate article.

      Namaste

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Jay

      Thanks so much for your visit and for your suggestion. Just finished reading your hub on mental illness. An important read for everyone and I am sharing this article as I know many people who will benefit from your information.

    • Jay C OBrien profile image

      Jay C OBrien 

      8 months ago from Houston, TX USA

      Good article. Suggestion: note the time, place and witnesses to an event, especially in a work setting. You may need to report the event later. Mental illness is widespread in humanity. See: https://hubpages.com/health/Peace-on-Earth-is-an-I...

    • profile image

      Rob Smyth 

      8 months ago

      My roommate has been extremely mean (accusations of untrue things, telling everyone these untrue things and ruined my whole NA and AA support network which is potentially fatal if I relapse because no one will talk to me and this is like most meetings where people are now telling other people so when I introduce myself they are like we don’t want to talk to people like you I’m sorry) and to top things off he has given me one month to move out (he fired me from work unjustly as well and he admitted it’s because I am still friends with someone he had a falling out with just because the guy started drinking again) so I have zero income and am struggling to find a new job because of my criminal record (trafficking charges and weapon charges in my old life as a gang member but for the record I am a nice loving human being who has feelings and feels vast out which to a degree my own fault conviction wise) and I have a 2 year old rotty pitty cross who is a sweetheart so he knows I have no job a dog and no money besides for my last month of rent and decides after calling me in short a junkie liar piece of shit who talks shit about him and his personal life behind his back (I don’t).....sorry for the long novel of a explanation before the question....how am I supposed to deal with this? When I am at home I feel extremely isolated in my room because I don’t want him to say awful things to me anymore..and I have tried calling people I thought were my friends and no one answers accept a few who have told me I should b ashamed of myself and to fuck off..the only person who speaks to me now is my mother and I can’t get myself to tell her the whole situation because it will break her heart that people are saying these things to me and she doesn’t deserve to feel this way and neither do I....I’m so lost and truly everyone and I mean like a 50 person plus support group gone and my housing soon to be gone...I am going to end up homeless I think...and I’ve been clean a year and a half almost....please what do I do? Thanks so much and once again I am so sorry to blab I just am so fucking scared and sad....I have never been thrown away like trash before and I like am trying to think of what I could have done to make him start this chain reaction of “go away and die rob” comments and remarks...but I am the kind of person that if someone has something on there mind that I would stay up all night even just to listen and be there for them even if I had to go to work right after the convo ended with no sleep...I love my friends more then life itself and 1 week before this happened I literally almost got hit by a car saving my roomies cat cuz he left his window opened to his room and I happened to be outside when my buddy yelled out omgggg save him....I just don’t know what the point in anything is anymore and am struggling to not pick up heroin again....

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      9 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Lilly

      Thanks for reading my article on "Coping With Being Blamed". I'm sorry to learn that your daughter is treating you badly. Sounds like its time for you to set up some boundaries. We teach others how to treat us. I had to learn this myself. Once, I demanded respect, I got it. Good luck to you!

      Cindy

      Your landlord has no right whatsoever to treat you disrespectfully. Take a stand and make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable. Thank you.

    • profile image

      Cindy 

      9 months ago

      What to do when landlord treats me badly before lease signing and has no idea just no idea how badly been treated by a tenant for years

    • profile image

      alice 

      10 months ago

      My sister accused me that I stole the charger of her special friend which I didn't do. I know that she loved her so much thats why she can easily say that to me but I need to defend myself. I'm so upset because of simple things situation might go wrong.

    • profile image

      Lil 

      10 months ago

      I used to be falsely accused of theft by my ex partner i was with him for 5 months used to live with him he falsely accused me of taking money from his wallet and using his credit card etc which i never did im not that sort of person. There was one incident he got reported as he threatened a member of staff inside a petrol station of short changing him the police was called and my then boyfriend got a warning from the police officer. He also robbed money from inside a pub the landlady knew my then boyfriend he jumped over the bar in the pub and took £200 from the till in front of the pub land lady and several staff and in front of customers he knew he done very very wrong the land lady then had him banned from her pub and ordered him to pay her back the money he took. I walked out of him several years ago i had enough with him verbally abusing me emotionally abuse and his threats and intimidation he was a really heavy drinker his behaviour had him banned from most pubs and clubs in south yorkshire some of the shops and petrol stations he wasnt allowed in to he has since moved away. Ive to moved and got on with my life sometimes its just best to move on walk away from abuse

    • profile image

      ppdp12 

      11 months ago

      My husband and I have a 1.5 year old. Anytime he falls or cries, I am the one to blame. I am still nursing him. My husband is convinced that I am doing drugs because my child who recently learned to walk falls once in a while. He accuses me of this and says that our child is falling because of my toxic breastmilk. Clearly I am not doing drugs, I don't even drink caffeine. I am actually a very healthy person (avoid processed foods, food dyes, sugar, etc.) He actually came to me a few days ago and told me to hand them over and that I am ruining our son's life. This is just one of his many false accusations against me. He is also very moody. He will be nice to me for a couple of weeks and then just start accusing me of the most absurd things out of the blue. He used to have an anger problem and was very verbally abusive but he has calmed down quite a bit. He always blames others and never accepts responsibility for himself. His accusation regarding our son has me completely down. It is very hurtful as I have tried and put forth my all to nurse our son this long. I know that he will never change. I am the one that has to change. But how do you keep your own husband from hurting you so much?

    • profile image

      Confused 

      13 months ago

      Audrey,

      5 yrs ago I left my husband. We had 4 children at the time. I always felt like there was something off about the things he said and did to me, but was never able to label what it was. One day, I was talking to my sister, and she said the word narcissist. I had no idea what it meant and I commenced to researching narcissism, narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, ect. I was absolutely convinced that all of it was exactly what I was going thru. I always thought that abuse had to be physical before I felt it was bad enough to leave, although he has never put his hands on me ever. I didn't have a plan but at the time I had family willing to help and they did, and I left for three months before going back. During this three months I was talking to other men (not sleeping with any of them). I had no plans to go back to my husband when I left, but during this time my husband made it clear how much he loved me and I fell for it hook line and sinker. After going back, the abuse was worse...it lasted for about 6 months. Questioning, accusing, badgering, threatening to take the kids, the manipulation, talking to me while I was sleeping, ignoring me, keeping me up all night long for days, telling me I was going to get pregnant (and I did) or he would divorce me, coming up with fake evidence that I slept with someone. He made me feel crazy. I was four months pregnant when it finally came to somewhat of a halt It stayed calm for four years, I mean Ive had to deal with some ridiculous rules like no smart phones, no internet in the house, no contact with family (another long story), for a long time not working or going to the store without him, even limiting my makeup usage. Now four yrs later, we are back at it again. We finally got smart phones and internet in the house so I can homeschool the kids and I am working. Ive done nothing wrong and admitted to talking to other men when we were split up (and hes talked to these men). He claims he saw a naked photo of me on a nasty website, even showed it to me...I knew it wasn't me when he accused me of it because ive done nothing wrong, but when he showed it to me I was absolutely shocked that he didn't see it wasn't me! So, then he brings up what happened 4 yrs ago and want to know who I slept with and I held to the truth, NO ONE! But he claims to have all of this evidence and says that other ppl told him and he heard me over the phone while doing it...this went on for a month, I finally gave in and admitted to doing something I didn't do...hoping it would give him peace and closure like he claimed, it just made it worse. He wanted a name and contact info, of course I didn't have anything. I told him I lied, that I didn't do it and he has threatened divorce, taking the kids...you name it. Now he wants another baby...IDK. Things seem calm for now, he seems like hes trying to be close and emotional with me and has opened up about his past, but eventually this conversation will come back around again.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      13 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Gretchen

      Thank you for sharing your story here. Sounds like you/re in a healthy place now. Keep up the good work!

      Mistybug 75

      Thanks for posting your comments. Nice to see you here.

      Pebble26

      Just do your best to live a life of integrity. In time they will realize your intentions are honorable.

    • profile image

      Pebbles26 

      13 months ago

      What do I do if my parents don’t believe me or even if it was an honest mistake?

    • profile image

      Mistybug75 

      13 months ago

      What can i say to a friend to assure her theres never been nor will ever be anything going on between me and her man after being falsely accused?

    • profile image

      Lisa 

      13 months ago

      Hi everyone im just inquiring here on what to do my ex posted something on facebook to a former friend and neighbour of mine now im getting blamed by this person and being falsely accused in writing such horrible post its not even in my hand writing. I had my former friend and her partner confront me point my finger at me and try to intimidate me ive since come off facebook and i bumped into them once few weeks back they admitted they did get it wrong about me but they never once apologised to me for the hurt and for the false accusation. Ive tried to let it go but in some ways im really hurt a sorry will go a long way with me. Ive only seen them twice since i have moved away from the area i once lived in. Ive not forgot what they did finger pointing and blame me for the post.

    • profile image

      Gretchen 

      14 months ago

      I have been seeing my boyfriend for three years now. He is black and I am white, which should be no big deal. Reading your article helped me to see what a true narcissist he really is and understanding the abuse is real with what I’ve gone through with this man. He was married 23yrs I was only married for 8yrs. His wife really did cheat on him and from what he says with an African and that’s the real father of his daughter... I was friends coworkers at work with him in MD gradually confided about personal things in my life... I never saw this coming. By the time we started dating outside of work my ex was an African n he knew this... somewhere in less than three months of dating he introduces an illicit drug to me and asks if I’m cheating. I told the truth and says no. He didn’t believe me and started accusing me of lying when I wasn’t which scared me and all at the same time manipulated me into doing something I always say no to, telling me it will be ok and help me tell the “truth”... with my attraction toward him and low self esteem in other parts of my life I allowed him to think what he wanted n didn’t defend myself n my life... so I’ve gone three years now with back n forth lies trying to use reverse psychology thinking he’d accept forgive n forget... instead it all back fired. Anyone else can tell when I lie about myself but not him. I don’t lie anymore about myself. But he would rather believe a lie to be true than the actual truth. He thinks I had sex parties in his apartment and blames me for him getting fired at a job in MD (we are nurses) when it’s his mouth n anger that goes off... I never cheated on him one time since I have been with him. This whole thing makes me not want to date again, ever. The more confident I become I can’t lie but he won’t let the past go for us to move forward. He thinks he is always right and talks about his gpa from 20yrs ago while I’m trying to better myself and my education now in my early 40’s... I think because I’m getting closer to god and found this article I am stronger now to leave him for good n be at peace and still love him from afar. But I can’t take the mental abuse anymore, I’ve been hit three times because he thinks whores aren’t women and deserve to be hit but I never cheated or had sex parties behind his back because I AM NOT an actual whore... I have forgiven and keep going back but nothing I say when it’s sincere and truthful helps... my only question is does god deal with this and will he finally be shown the truth when he dies? I know god has his wrath in his time, but he should not be allowed to get away with this narcissistic behavior! No one should! It’s destructive and abusive and destroys people’s inside emotions... I guess the best I can do is use the power of prayer. It’s sad though that he is actually a narcissistic male nurse in this world. And other women only see his kindness n not his narcissism just like me in the beginning. He moved to OH to be near me but that wasn’t enough to show me Love because of what he thinks I did when I never did and believes I’m a type of woman I’m not... he still buys drugs and blames me for that behavior too... it’s hard to leave someone you Love and don’t want to see someone else with them. But I also feel happier n at peace if I’m without him. It’s all been a lot of mental abuse n headche asxwrll as heartache... I’m just glad I’m not the only one to experience this type of thing. Praying for everyone to have healing who has gone through this.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      15 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Abby

      Your sister is obviously very sensitive about her past unhappy experience. I'm sorry you have this tension in your life and hope it all works out. Thanks for adding your comments.

      James

      I'm not quite sure what the issue is. Perhaps you can share a little more information. Thank you.

    • profile image

      James 

      15 months ago

      What if your mate is doing something to protect them self and saying that you are just seeing things thats not there

    • profile image

      Abby 

      15 months ago

      My sister recently got really angry at my husband over a joke that he said about himself, but she said it was really about her.. He used a word she was called as a kid/teenager and claims he knew that she was called that and said he must have heard a rumor but the thing is They shared no friends and i or our own mother didn't even know what she was talking about. she refuses to see it as just a joke but instead sees it as him trolling her. how do i talk to her about it? I don't like that things are so tense and I hate to see my husband walk on egg shells around her every moment we are around her.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      16 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Nicholas

      There really isn't much you can do about this unfortunate experience. I had this happen to me years ago and it hurt me something awful. I decided to live in such a way that my accuser would learn that I had integrity and honesty in all my dealings. I finally received an apology.

      Just be the good person you are!

      Marlene

      I'm so terribly sorry that you, the nicest person in this world, had to experience being blamed for something you did not do. It hurts, and the pain we carry around lasts for a very long time.

      I am happy that I wrote about this and that you found it when you needed it. I've learned to develop a tough skin in order to survive being blamed for something I didn't do. I'm still living in a situation where I'm constantly blamed and have had to learn how to live with it. I now, shrug it off, remind myself that I am an honest person and don't deserve this treatment. Neither do you!

      Most blamers are narcissistic and will never take responsibility for their mistakes. Consider the source, my friend.

      Sending you healing hugs and thoughts filled with love.

      Audrey

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 

      16 months ago from USA

      Recently I was blamed for something I did not do and it crushed me to my core. Days later, I am still feeling hurt. Reading your article today has given me the ammunition I need to get stronger and overcome the emotional turmoil going on inside me. By the way, knowing the personality traits of a narcissist has been the biggest help.

    • profile image

      Nicholas 

      16 months ago

      I was Blamed for something I didn't do what do I do about it

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      16 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Gregory

      Thank you for sharing your heart-breaking experience here. I just want to give you a big 'ol hug. Toxic people are so draining! Hurray for us and those like us who share similar experiences and have the courage to let go of these kinds of people.

      It's hard when family members are toxic. Good for you for honoring yourself enough to stop all communication with your mother. I'm sorry, but I"m also very proud of you!

    • Gregory DeVictor profile image

      Gregory DeVictor 

      16 months ago from Pittsburgh, PA

      Audrey, reading your article was like watching a Joyce Meyer broadcast. (You must take that as a compliment too.) Further, your description of a family member with a mental disorder fits my mother (now deceased) 100%. I bought into her toxicity for years and allowed it to rule my life. However, years before she passed away, I severed ties with her just like many, many others had done over the years. Based on the details in your article, she was a victim of a narcissistic personality disorder. In particular, she had a major problem with people who she perceived were smarter intellectually than she was.

      On the comic side, I know that she disliked the “Mama’s Family” television series because the way in which Vicki Lawrence (Thelma Harper) behaved on the show reminded her of herself.

      Recently, a woman who I run into on and off when grocery shopping accused my of criminal activity. I knew I was innocent and did not get on the defensive. I immediately picked up that she was a bitter woman who had a lot of strife in her life.

      After accusing me of wrongdoing, she complimented me on my physical appearance. Intuitively, I knew that she was being phoney. (Oh yes, she weighs about 300 pounds, uses a walker, and is missing a lot of teeth.) I have also noticed some of the people she talks to and it always me of Proverbs 13:20. (Birds of a feather flock together.)

      When I see her now, I always ignore her and go on my way.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      16 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Kathy RoCha

      You've been through a lot and I'm sorry. While I can't tell you exactly what to do, it's clear to me that we all must live a life free of toxic people. I wish you luck and thank you for being here.

    • profile image

      Kathy RoCha 

      16 months ago

      My sibling has accused me of something that is untrue and it has been going on for well over 38 years now. Every time I am around this person I see the pure hatred she has toward me. This person has went out of her way to tell family members and even my friends that I am a liar and a cheat. I have had enough. I have been dealing with this since teenage years. Unfortunately we live together to care for another family member who has been ill for some time. I will move on soon and disassociate myself from this person totally but consider it a shame as it is a sibling. I am not going to be made to feel guilty for something I did not do. It has caused a lot of anguish between this persons children and myself as they believe the lies. Should I disassociate myself from the family ties that I have with them also? They are always threatening me and calling me names when I go to any family function. I am so upset that I simply want to turn my back on all of them and not look back.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      17 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Freya

      Just keep living a life of integrity. In time, being honest will show others that you were not guilty of being blamed in the past.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      17 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Brionna

      Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man like this? Think about it. He's showing his true colors when he should be flaunting his best to win you over. If this behavior is his best now...I shudder to think of how things may be in the future.

    • profile image

      Freya 

      17 months ago

      My brother stole something from my mother and he is blaming me. I know honestly that i did not do it, but he says the same thing. My parents are punishing both of us, and he will not admit it. What should i do?

    • profile image

      Brionna 

      17 months ago

      I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. I have lied to him in the past, and I'm sure that's where most* of his accusations come from. Things are supposed to be changing and going forward. He used to be abusive, and that was a big cause of the lies. He makes me feel everyone around me is negative..friends family anyone. He knows best in his mind. I love him and we have worked past so much, but the accusations are just pushing me away. He is no longer abusive and so I find it easier to tell him the truth. I lied to him recently about talking to an ex friend of mine. He actually moved out and with a friend. When he's with me everything is fine, but when he is away from me the accusations just get worse. I really wanna be with him after all he was the man who took my virginity, and we talk about getting married. Its just hard to even picture that when he pushes me away. I don't know what to do..I just feel like I am losing myself. He can be so nice, but at times he says the worst things. Low blows. I wanna talk to him about it, but he doesn't hear me. He "listens" but nothing seems to change. Any advice?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      17 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Joe

      So sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something that's not your fault. Continue to hold your head up high during this difficult time. One day this will pass and he will know the truth.

      Tina

      Being blamed hurts. It's unfair as well. I'm sorry about this. Take care. You know in your heart you are blameless.

    • profile image

      Tina 

      17 months ago

      I have been blamed

    • profile image

      Joel 

      17 months ago

      Thanks for this site,kinda going through some trouble with my boss,he blames me for him and his woman for breaking up-she's not my type,one of those that says she's getting harrased by someone but she won't say who it is-so he focused on me-to be honest it's his own fault,pray for me,he's gonna take it out on me

    • profile image

      rene lorraine 

      18 months ago

      so helpfull

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 

      18 months ago from Oakley, CA

      Whoops!!! My bad! My eyes skipped a beat or something, and I put my comment on the wrong article! :-( Sorry about that. I have it copied/saved, so if you just want to deny that comment, feel free, and I'll repost it on the correct article.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 

      18 months ago from Oakley, CA

      Hi, Audrey!

      Stopping by again to let you know that just for grins and giggles, I got out my old book of tunes from my voice class back in 1983 - 84. Italian arias; and I found most of the ones I'd learned on You Tube. What fun to sing along with the likes of Pavarotti, and Carreras! (I told you I belong in the tenor section! :-D )

      I was amazed at how many of the words came back to me without having to refer to the sheet music, even after it sat collecting dust all these intervening years!

      I wonder if you have any further words of wisdom on these two particularly pesky issues I still face:

      1) I still have the problem of running out of air on an end note that's a long note anyway, as in an adagio piece with a tied or dotted whole note, for example.

      2)Some of the pieces also called for "piano" volume on a higher note, and that's a no-can-do for me. If I'm going to be able to get to a high-ish note, it's going to be by really belting it out. ... but in a whisper (a la the late Minnie Ripperton), no way.

      .(wish I had a way to send you a tape, so you could hear what I'm talking about...LOL)

      (I also discovered in this experiment, that some of the pieces were not played at full tempo for us in class, and I really struggled with some, especially with "Gia 'il Sole dal Gange" LOL)

      Cheers, and thank you again...

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      18 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hello Mike Orban

      Thank you for letting me know how helpful this article is. I hope your relationship works out, however, these type of people rarely, if ever, change without help.

      I wish you the best.

      Syed Sajid

      Thank you for your comments. It took me a long time to "see the light". Knowledge is power.

    • profile image

      Syed Sajid 

      18 months ago

      Very nice honey.....very helpful to detect this people....

    • profile image

      Mike Orban 

      18 months ago

      Thank you so much for your story, I am in a relationship with a person like this and is very hard to deal with situations some times, yet I learn a lot and I'm doing much better now since I know what is it. Thank you again.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      18 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Ralph,

      I'm so very sorry about all of this. His actions seem a bit extreme based on what you're telling me. He may have issues that he needs to resolve. Never-the-less, Ralph, you know the truth and if you are blameless you can hold your head high as you walk this journey.

      Remember, there was once a man who walked the earth doing only good. He was wrongly accused, beaten and crucified. He was the son of God.

      Be strong!

      My best to you and thanks.

    • profile image

      Ralph 

      18 months ago

      Hello.

      My name is Ralph and I'm currently 15.

      My parents have wrongly accused me and my sister ( 16 ) of preforming in an act of incest. We've been together all of our lives and when my father claimed he saw me and my sister walk out of the same room together ( which we didn't I was in my room and my sister was upstairs using the bathroom, he assumed in his mind we were "doing something in there" Now my father is treating me and my sister like inmates in our home, he has cameras pinned all over and is watching us like convicted criminals & he will not let us defend our selves, he will not let us speak to one another, and we cannot " back talk " or he will take say we're being defiant and rude.

      Now I will be forced to look guilty & I'm being sent to a military school for something I never did nor will I ever do. Thanks for reading.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      19 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      getrecognized

      I'm sorry to hear that you were accused for burning a hole in the countertop. Are there others living in the house? It's good that you read the bible. Jesus was accused, and put to death for something He didn't do. You are in good company.

    • profile image

      getrecognized@gmail.com 

      19 months ago

      I have been asked for a fourth time now if I was the one who burned a hole in the counter top in the kitchen of the house where I rent a room, where in this kitchen, I am allowed to cook. Very disappointed as for the fourth year now I can't shine why this landlord seems to think I did it.

      But I know the Bible says that it is the glory of man to overlook an offence. So, I fold there.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      19 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Emmyboy

      Thanks a lot for being here. Nice comments.

      Jessica Savage

      This is not an easy question to answer. So unfair to you. You may want to seek the help of a counselor. I know how you feel. Your accuser needs professional help. So sorry about this, Jessica.

    • profile image

      Jessica Savage 

      19 months ago

      I have a family member that meets this exactly. I know that you say you don't have prove your innocence, but this blamer accused me of sexual abuse in front of family, when she conducted the abuse against me and another family member. The blamer is a notorious manipulator and liar. As a teenager, she had fanatasies of being raped and asked a mutual aquatiance to rape her and has lied about being raped to others. A few years ago, via text to me, she accused her mother of molesting her youngest son. I feel as if I should defend myself via lawsuit bc of how if she tells others this lie it could affect my reputation, the matter is of moral turpitude, and SHE WAS THE ABUSER! Is your opinion/advice still the same?

    • Emmyboy profile image

      Emmyboy 

      19 months ago from Nigeria

      I really enjoyed reading this.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      Kane Gage 

      20 months ago

      Someone has accused me of cutting of cutting myself. this article has made me realize not to trust them or even care about them when they don't care about you. a good friend can turn on you. i'm never getting attached to someone as close to a best friend anymore. All i need is my girlfriend and the people that do already care about me

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Anamika

      Just keep on being your honest self. If you can, pay no mind to what others say. The only thing that's really important is what you think about yourself. You are a beautiful light. Let it shine!

    • profile image

      TammyR1313 

      20 months ago

      The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

      I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

    • profile image

      Renee 

      20 months ago

      The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

      I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Grace

      Your partner should stand by you, regardless of how his mother reacts to this accusation. If he isn't man enough to think more of the relationship than this, you deserve better and good riddance

      You know what the truth is.

      Good luck..

    • profile image

      Grace 

      20 months ago

      Ok but what about if your partner and his mom blame you for the death of their dog (it's a shared custody sort of thing with the dog)? He left me with the dog for less than 2 hours and shortly after he got back the dog got really sick and died (the dog has had serious health issues recently). Just to note, I have a stomach ulcer and have been bedridden for the past 2 weeks and can barely walk out to the car (so I'm not really sure what I could've done). He told me to prepare for a fallout because his mom will definitely blame me and that it very well might ruin our relationship.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Raymond

      I'm sorry to hear this...there's nothing worse. Just continue to be a kind and honest person. Even when others are dead wrong in their accusations, you know different.

      The core of protecting ourselves from a blamer is establishing and continually supporting an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

      My best to you.

    • profile image

      Raymond maxwell 

      20 months ago

      I'm battling people doing this to me in my home.,And I'm getting accused of everything Thanks for the advice

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      21 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Nerdblade

      Keep on being a good example for others. People can't accuse you if you don't do it...and even if they do...you know you are innocent and that's really what matters most.

    • profile image

      Nerdblade 

      21 months ago

      ive been accused of cursing in my school and so many people are involved in it when i didn't wut do

    • profile image

      girl 

      21 months ago

      thank you very very much

    • profile image

      Ree 

      21 months ago

      I was recently slandered on fb, my name was defamed, this person claimed that I have given them an illness. They blasted it on a picturw post on fb. The talked about my success and seemed to be jealous that I had loved on in life. They used old information of a tragedy in my life and through it in the fire. Then theaters were made, but the key thing is they did this all through a fake page created to hide. If true why hide? What should I do? Ive been feeling down not getting any sleep, I took post down but the impression on my heart was left with a sting and my mind of who could have done this . how should I cope

    • profile image

      Dessie 

      22 months ago

      I have being in a hed spin for the past 10 months in being blame in the wrong by my wife she abused me every day constantly lying and I knew something was very wrong your article on NPD gives me a better understanding it describes her very well if i didn't know better I could swear you were waiting about my wife married to her for 34 years can't go a other year it is worse then a deth

      Thanks

      Dessie

    • profile image

      joe 

      23 months ago

      My wife left me recently. Just walked out on me. I loved this woman and to e honest I still do. After reading your article I have changed and I better stay changed the way I think about her. We have only been married for 5 months but since we have met it has been one been argument after another. She always tells me and you can look in to her eyes and see the evil in her sometimes but she always says she is never wrong. With any fight we have ever fought she is not wrong. She has kept stuff like text and voice recordings when she was planning on leaving me and then she did with her ex-husband . I begged her to come back and cried night and day because I truly loved her. After her telling me to stay away in words I choose not to write I finally said fine I will. so I get on match. Its a dating site and found a really cool girl. Her dad is actually the screen writer for the movie Tombstone and many more. Anyway we hit it off and low and behold she catches wind of my happiness and starts calling and crying and begging me back. well I know I should have stayed and I regret every decision my heart made the day I did. So I left that girl and came back to ho is now my soon to be ex-wife. I forgot to mention after she found out about my happiness remember all the text she saved well when I initially told her I was not coming back to her she put me in jail for harassing communication of text messages when she left me for another man. again this is another HINT rt lol. so I go back to her and she turns in to this totally nice person but always blaming me or thinking I am cheating on her. really just sitting on my phone for hours at a time putting different tracker apps and just crazy stuff like this. She has always insisted he is not to blame. Even when I bust her in a lie she will not tell me she is sorry or its her fault. I have herd I sorry from her since I have known her. I also want to say I am not perfect by no means but I am really a happy guy and love to smile and make people smile. I am also a Sagittarius and I very honest and honestly does set you free but has gotten me in trouble a lot in my life time lol. Since the beginning of our relationship she was going through a better divorce and she was separated. I didn't know what this meant or even slightest worried about it at the time but 2 months into it fter having all these feeling for her. husband finds out and has us tracked on GPS and takes her twins away not for good but devastated her this is when she started acting nice than kicking me out and ignoring me just not saying anything getting me so upset. She is doing the same thing now for two months now I came home one day to find everything gone and the house she got from her other marriage she moved in to it but has been really treating me like evil. Nobody likes me anymore in her mom does not like me because she is saying bad things about me just really hurts. this was my only marriage. I only wanted one. I knew I should have never married her . I just didn't know that there were actually people with no hearts and blaming me for stuff I never did to her. when she finally answers my question of what I did she brings up stuff before we got married. always something different and always before we got married.than today she calls and I am just so excited she called and she was being nice I talked to her for 30 min all together and she kept bringing up if I was going to pay the car insurance. I said fine and pleaded with her cried to her asking if I could just see her. She said she needed to ask her mom. what? I thought you were 45 years old and you have to what. I was so excited about her being nice I dropped it well tried calling her back and she is ignoring me again. I have done everything for her work hard for her. She has told me I don't know how to be a provider and that I never helped pay any bills, She told me right in front of her friends that she wished she had a husband whio made more than she did. she has no job. only child support. That really hurt because all my money went to her. I pulled up bank statements showing her all my deposits in the account and she said those were not there before and accused me of changing bank statements really? lol I have a small business and make about 100k a year her husband before was rich and she always saifd she doesn't love for money but this I know is lie. these last months she has accused me of cheating againwith no proof and being home every night letting her go through my phone while I sleep. I am now at another house. I always told her she was bipolar but after reading your article I now know she is truly a Narcissist 100%. sorry so long and believe me this is not the extent of her madness and just plain not caring what so ever it is truly sad of her and still kills my heart knowing what I wish I would have known 2 years ago. I have been blaming myself knowing I was not wrong over and over. Thank you so much and sorry so long.

      Joe PS- I copied pasted and sent her this entire article everything you have described is a match of her behavior. I will say though when I am confronted with someone telling me I did something I know I didn't do. I get really defensive. and I will fight and fight but for some reason she is always rt and I always fall for her apologizing

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      23 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Mo

      I'm sorry about your situation. No one has the right to slap you - even your grandma. I hope things get better for you. Keep love in your heart.

      Dee

      Why did your daughter cut you and your husband off? Do you visit your grandchildren? They should not have to suffer the consequences of this situation. Counseling may be helpful if she agrees to this.

    • profile image

      Dee 

      23 months ago

      Thank You for writing back. My daughter is 36 years old, has 2 young girls (my granddaughters) and she has cut my husband and I off from them. It's been 51/2 months since our disagreement. We had it out b/c I finally told her I am sick of the way she treats me and she is angry b/c I did. She thinks she is absolutely justified. Could she be a narcissist?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      23 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Dave

      I'm sorry to hear this and hope she will one day realize the error of her ways. Thanks.

      Salamander

      Good for you! It takes courage to break off a relationship with your sister. But you've been a whipping post long enough. I wish you the best. Thank you.

      Hi Dee

      Your daughter owes you respect. And you must respect yourself enough to refuse to accept her behavior. She needs to know that what she is saying to you is unacceptable. If she fails to learn this lesson her life will be miserable.

      Thank you Dee and I wish you the best.

    • profile image

      Dee 

      23 months ago

      My daughter is always talking down at me. Tells me I'm a terrible person. No matter what I do or say she puts me down and belittles me. Not in front of people. When it's just her and I. She thinks she is justified and I am so baffled. I just can't do anything right in her eyes. She talks about people all the time but is so nice to their face. Is she a narcissist or something else? I thought I was a good mother.

    • profile image

      Salamander 

      24 months ago

      I can really identify with what Dave writes. I have been a 'whipping girl' for my younger sister for as long as I can remember. But I am only now realising what has been going on. I have been so miserable because of the negativity when it is not in my nature to be negative. I am quite a bright, friendly & joyful person. I have tumbled to the realisation lately that my sister is joyless. There was a recent celebration which has brought our relationship dynamic to a head and it resulted in my decision to break with her because I felt our relationship was not good for me. I decided to look after myself and the only way I could do that was to withdraw from any contact with my sister. Sad, but self preservation was paramount. I am happy to make contact again when she has chosen to do some work on taking responsibility for her behaviour but until then I am not available as a sounding board for her rants and rages or as a scapegoat.

    • profile image

      Dave 

      2 years ago

      I had to let my sister go since she couldn't resist the temptation to deceive, manipulative and blaming behavior. It was a sad moment at 63 years old to accept that I just had to remove myself from her life and live my own.

    • profile image

      Venus Rosen 

      2 years ago

      My little sister keeps attacking me. Scratching me, Hitting me, Slapping me and when I give her a little tap she cries. {Fake crying}. I try to explain to my parents that my sister is being a liar. They don't believe me. I get scratches and red marks all over my arms when she attacks me but my parent's don't do anything. She would lie about certain things and I end up getting the blame. What do I do? I am scared of her and I think one day she might go too far and actually hurt me to the point I bleed.

    • profile image

      Mo 

      2 years ago

      My grandpa is racist and he's not biological grandpa and so my dad is Serbian and he called him Islamic and blamed it on me I think he forgot he said it and then I was like no grandma I didn't say that and then I got smacked so I just when with it

    • profile image

      John Fulkner 

      2 years ago

      Scare the Shit of him... give them a lesson of a time so they think 10 times before accusing, blaming or pointing a finger at you.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Jayne

      I commend you for honoring yourself. Letting go of negative people, especially if they are your family, is so difficult. But just look at the courage you have. You should be proud of yourself - I am. Thank you and best wishes for a happy life.

    • profile image

      Jayne 

      2 years ago

      Hi, well my story has been since I was small. I feel my parents couldn't handle my older sisters, so they ignored there nasty words to me and my little brother. Well I was abused at school to the point were I was so low. Of course it was my fault so everyone said. So life continued and unfortunately my little brother is no longer with us we will never know the truth but my older sisters blamed me and treated me with ruthless actions and words. It broke my heart that that I was suffering on the passing of my brother and felt like I was taking on there suffering again on also. I know this isn't normal also I stood up for myself and know they taught at all and have spread rumors about me and ridicule me to save face. I am wise and didn't take it as my ex was an nariccist and I stood up to him . So I have been thru a lot. I see the pattern and just walk away its hard but I'm happier, they even ran me down to people at the funeral. couldn't get any lower than that. I do love them but I don't like them anymore and will never be close to them, they just don't get it.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Glenn

      When others are in denial about this type of behavior there isn't much we can do. It's a sad state of affairs. We want to protect our friends from toxic people and it's disappointing when they don't listen. It takes courage to break off a life-long friendship even when go "south" so kudos to you!

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 

      2 years ago from Long Island, NY

      I had a friend who was like this. He was actually a life-long friend I knew since grade school. But in adult life he got worse and I considered him toxic and finally broke ties with him. Unfortunately many friends we have in common are still friends with him and fall prey to his shenanigans. They, themselves, are in denial and I can't reason with them.

    • profile image

      Vini sainudeen 

      2 years ago

      i am so revealed after reading this. It helped me to realize that I was in the right path when my teacher accused me. Thanks a lot dude.

    • profile image

      Curt dimi Grey 

      2 years ago

      Thank you, so much! This hub helps me to regain my strength and confidence after someone accused me of stealing her phone and it turns out that she frame me up for some amount that she needs.. I know that I can cope up with this through the help of our almighty GOD.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Anu

      I'm so sorry to hear your story. When you are blamed for something that is not your fault it's best to avoid trying to defend yourself. It does little good. Just walk away and say nothing or if you want to reply simply say "I'm not to blame." Try not to get into a discussion about the matter.

      Always live your life with integrity. By your actions you send a powerful message. Try not to replay hateful words of blame and labeling. You are a good person. Forgive others for the error of their ways and pay them no mind.

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