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How to Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do

Audrey's desire to help others to respect and understand themselves led her to the study of psychology at UCLA.

"It's Not My Fault." -- Being the Victim of a Narcissistic Personality

Chronic blaming is a form of emotional abuse and often hurts just as much as physical pain does. We feel helpless over the blamer and a certain fear sets in.

Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive effect on you. Blamers are unhappy people.

Unfortunately, I have a family member who fits this type of personality. It has taken me a lifetime to recognize that she lives with a mental disorder. I became a victim by buying into her belief system, accepting criticism and verbal abuse. I felt sorry for her because she had a rough childhood. I found myself walking on eggshells with every conversation.

Negative people seem to blame others for their own mess. Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends. You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.

Don't become a victim of your accuser.

Don't become a victim of your accuser.

The Truth Will Set You Free

At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair and it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we still feel guilty.

Here's what you'll hopefully learn about in this article:

  • Why it's about the accuser and not you
  • Why all that matters is the truth
  • Being a victim of narcissistic personality
  • Knowledge is power when dealing with negative personalities
  • 7 key signs of a blamer
  • Narcissistic personality disorder criteria
  • The common body language of liars

The Accusation is a Reflection of Your Accuser, Not You

Let's face it, being blamed for something you are innocent of hurts. But truth is the one thing that survives after all time and recriminations have past. I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much, even so, it is true.

Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend because they are probably miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgment and makeup lies about other people.

You Don't Need to Prove Your Innocence

You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands and this is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

The Bible tells us to "Pray for those that despitefully use you." Whether you believe in the Holy Book or not, the advice is good. Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free, so try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.

Learning New Strategies for Dealing With Blamers

Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.

When I finally learned that I had been manipulated to believe that something was wrong with me I felt empowered with a sense of freedom. Though it wasn't easy to give up the close relationship between my sibling and me, it has been the best choice I ever made. I no longer need the approval of that particular person to know that I have value.

Armoring yourself with knowledge is like a bullet-proof vest, the toxic blame will bounce right off of you. The more aware you are, the better and you will avoid these types of relationships and save your self-esteem.

In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements", do not take anything others say personally. This takes much practice but oh, my, you will feel empowered. You have the right to believe or not believe the opinions of others. And be careful of your own self-dialogue. Even the opinions you have about yourself may not be true.

So begin now to practice not taking anything personally because when you do this, you set yourself up to suffer. When we really see people for who they are, without taking it personally, we can never be hurt.

The best way of protecting ourselves from a blamer is to establish an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

7 Key Signs of a Blamer

The following list will help you identify the signs and behaviors of a blamer:

  1. Pessimism. Pessimism is one of the sure signs of a blamer. No matter how positive you are, they will always find something bad to happen. There's often no talking them out of their negative thinking.
  2. Making excuses. Blamers are always making excuses for their own actions. They are very good at this. They will rarely take responsibility for their behavior.
  3. Passing the blame. Blamers will tend to always pass the blame on to someone else, while never taking responsibility for their actions.
  4. Quick temperament. Being quick-tempered can be another sign to watch for. Blamers are known to have short fuses.
  5. Takes credit. A blamer always insists on credit for being right. Oh, how they love to shout, "I told you so!"
  6. Betrayal. Being trustworthy is not part of a blamer's character. They are typically back-stabbers. So, be very careful. If you don't want something you say to be repeated, then don't say it.
  7. Envy. Envy is the blamer's middle name. Any time you get something nice, they become angry and envious. This includes any success you might have. When you're sick or in pain, believe me -- they're happy. They may not realize this and in fact, will deny it. Then, when you feel great and positive again, they may immediately remind you that "soon, bad things will happen, so don't get too comfortable."

Beware of people who automatically assume the fault is yours. After all, it could never be their fault. By the way, these people also love to play mind games. They rehearse their entire dialogue so they will be prepared for your next conversation. It's a full-time job for them.

Narcissistic Behavior: "It's All About Me"

One way to spot a blamer is by narcissistic behavior. If the person demonstrates signs of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), blaming others for personal problems in life feels normal to them.

Learning all we can about narcissism is beneficial in two ways.

  1. It provides us with an understanding of the behavior itself. In turn, we are better prepared to cope and deal with the effects of this disorder.
  2. We may even recognize some signs of narcissism in our own personalities and take steps to correct it. With awareness and desire, combined with some hard work, this disorder can be overcome. Seek the help of a qualified doctor.

Extreme selfishness is a red flag for identifying narcissism. While most of us tend to be a little on the selfish side, those with NPD carry it to a whole different extreme.

Narcissists are preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and brilliance, along with a high sense of entitlement. They can be rude, arrogant and even abusive.

They are usually quite defensive and arrogant. You'll never begin to reason with them so don't even try.

Remember that this type of personality will throw the blame on you whenever it's convenient. The best defense is no defense. Learn to completely ignore a narcissist.

A reminder: "The greatest prize for life's labors isn't in material possessions or impressive accomplishments but in the progress of personal character. You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward. Who you become is your greatest possession, make it your masterpiece! " -- Matt Moody Ph.D., Social Psychologist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To give you more ammunition for how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do, listed below are criteria for NPD.

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance, exaggerating talents and achievements. Look for a feeling of superiority.
  • Hungers for excessive admiration and attention.
  • Has a sense of entitlement.
  • Displays arrogant behavior.
  • Really believes that others are jealous of them.
  • Lacks empathy for others.
  • Takes advantage of others to further self.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of power, love, or beauty.
  • Harbors feelings of jealousy
  • They are seldom, if ever, wrong.

Three Rules to Help Protect You When Dealing With a Narcissist

I could have saved myself plenty of pain and stress if only I had learned years ago how to set boundaries for myself when dealing with a narcissist.

  • They are quick to blame others instead of taking responsibility. And they are champions at this. Be prepared.
  • Never confide or give too much personal information to this type of person. They'll use it as ammunition later when it's convenient.
  • Don't take anything they say personally. This isn't easy but it's necessary.

A person with NPD will not change so don't expect them to. Honor yourself by setting up boundaries.

Is That Person Lying to You? Check Their Body Language

If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, check their body language. While there may be exceptions to the following tips, these are used by police and investigators:

  • Check the eyes. If the person avoids eye contact, that's a clue that he or she may be lying.
  • Watch the gestures and expression. If the gestures and expression don't match the verbal dialogue, that's another sign. Example: "I like you," while frowning.
  • A guilty person will get defensive.
  • Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying.
  • Touching the nose often can be a sign of lying.
  • Covering the mouth indicates deceit.
  • Be aware of eye movement. The eyes move to the left during a lie.
  • Watch out for body movement. When a person tells the truth they tend to lean forward. When they tell a lie they tend to lean backward.
  • Watch hand, arm, and leg movements. When lying, these body movements are stiff and restricted.
  • Pay attention to too many details given. Liars tend to go on and on to get you to believe them.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed above can also be demonstrated by someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, or guilt-ridden for another reason, can have these same reactions.

In Conclusion - Exemplify Honesty

If we live in such a way that we exemplify complete honesty, we develop integrity. This is the best way to ward off being blamed or accused in the first place. Honesty begins in childhood. Children learn best by example. Teach your children and your grandchildren the value of always being truthful.

Oftentimes problems are sent to us as gifts. Even being blamed for something we are innocent of can be a path to discovery. We can learn and grow from this painful and unfair experience. All meaningful change comes from the inside and not from our external circumstances.

When we blame others, we prevent ourselves from learning. Taking responsibility for our actions and even our thoughts keep us free from blaming others. Consider this if you've been a victim of blame.

The title for this Hub was inspired by a post in the HubPages forum on the same subject. Remembering a time when I once took the blame for something I didn't do (it was traumatic for me), I decided to share my thoughts and write a Hub about how to deal with this problem. I hope you've found it helpful.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain

Just Do Your Best

I'd like to share a simple but powerful thought written by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements:

"Just do your best - in any circumstance in your life. It doesn't matter if you are sick or tired if you always do your best there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don't judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment. By always doing your best, you will break a big spell that you have been under."

I challenge you to read this several times. Every time you do, this message will become more ingrained and you will learn something new and valuable. Set yourself free of all guilt regardless of where the blame comes from by always doing your best.

Questions & Answers

Question: I said sorry for something I didn’t do, but the person I said sorry to doesn't believe I didn’t do it, they think I’m lying. What’s your advice?

Answer: If you apologized and the person doesn't believe you then the problem is theirs, not yours.

Question: What do you do when no one believes when you are wrongly accused?

Answer: As long as I know I'm innocent, then it's my accusers' problem and not mine. Continue to live with integrity and be proud and confident that you always speak the truth.

Question: What do you do when it’s your spouse that’s falsely accusing you? That’s mental abuse. Is it a reason to divorce if it’s an ongoing situation?

Answer: I recommend that you talk with a counselor about this.

Question: Should I apologize for something I didn't do just to obtain their forgiveness?

Answer: This is more the other persons' problem than yours. You know you're not guilty. I think it depends on the person. Sometimes its just better to leave it alone. The person may not have the ability to forgive anyhow. Listen to your heart and follow what it tells you to do. If saying you're sorry makes you feel better than go for it!

Question: I have been married for forty-four years, since I was sixteen. After reading your article, I realize that I am married to a narcissist. Most of the time he is wonderful but when his narcissism kicks in I get so depressed. How do I deflect him when he is in the mode? P.S., I also have mental issues of which I see a psychiatrist monthly for my meds.

Answer: My suggestion is for you both to seek counseling. A professional will be able to help you better than I.

Question: My husband passed away last year and his sister is very upset that he did not leave her anything in our Trust. She says how could he not care or love me enough to not leave me anything. She is saying someone must have talked him into it. Hinting maybe I did this, which I did not! What should I tell her?

Answer: Oh, but your husband did leave her something. He left her memories that are priceless and these memories cannot be awarded in a trust. But, I realize the sister feels cheated because nothing of a material nature was left to her. When you have the chance, talk to her gently, showing empathy and understanding. Focus on being a good listener and try not to be defensive. Firmly, but void of emotion, let her know that in spite of the way things might look, you had absolutely no control or influence over what your husband dictated in the trust. What the sister needs more than anything at this point is someone to understand her position. If the end result is, she still feels the same way, at least you've done what you can to resolve this. Good for you!

Question: What can I do to make my mom believe me when my aunt accused me of stealing her bracelet. (I took things that didn’t belong to me without permission when I was little)?

Answer: Unfortunately, stealing from your aunt sets the standard for your character. Once a person is caught stealing, it can take a lifetime to overcome the stigma. If you have truly stopped then talk to your mom and tell her you to understand why she doesn't believe you, but you're working hard to overcome this bad habit.

Question: I get accused of lying or hooking up with people. I even went as far as to take a polygraph and passed. At first, I got an apology but not too long after was told I'm a pathological liar and believe my own lies which is how I passed the polygraph. I love love love this man. It's killing me inside and It seems like it comes out of nowhere at times. It cuts me to my core and yet I don't want to be without him. What do I do about my suspicious significant other?

Answer: Okay, my dear, it sounds like it's time to start loving yourself. You're in a relationship with verbal abuse and struggling because you say you love him. Guilt is a tool that abusers will use to keep control over you. Set boundaries on what you will and will not accept from him. Surround yourself with people that will give you support. And another thing...If you react to the abuser, you are rewarding them. Letting them know they have power over your emotions. Don’t allow the abuser to have control over how you feel. Abusive behavior is not love. Remember: You can't reason with an abuser. I know you love this person, but if he doesn't change, you just may have to walk away.

Question: One friend of mine keeps on taunting me for the things which I haven't done. He and some of his friends keep saying that no one likes me and I only use people for my own use. Once I considered them my friends, and now they turned out to be like this. At school, they keep on criticizing me and makes memes on me in social media. I'm very sad and depressed about it. What should I do now?

Answer: It might be a good time to drop these friends and find new ones. Real friends do not taunt and criticize. Instead of being sad about this, be grateful that you are seeing the true nature of these people.

Question: What do we do when someone is so toxic and accusatory that you actually start to believe that you did something wrong. How do we make ourselves feel better as guilt runs all over us even when being innocent?

Answer: It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive effect on you. Set up specific boundaries to protect yourself. You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

And if you don't judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment.

The best way of protecting ourselves from a blamer is to establish an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

Question: My blamer is my brother, and my whole family always believes him. What do I do? I can’t just disconnect from my whole family, can I?

Answer: This is a tough position to be in. My suggestion would be for you to sit down with your family and talk to them about your feelings. It's important that you be the leader during this discussion and be as mature as possible about it all. Don't be afraid to ask the question, "Why do you believe my brother and not me?" There must be a reason. Meanwhile, live a life of complete integrity. Be careful of what you say, and how you say it. This is the only real recourse we each have. We must be an example of complete honesty in every way, including our thoughts and actions. If all else fails, rise above the blame. You know the truth about yourself. Be grateful that you stand blameless before your Maker. This is all that really counts.

Question: I have a friend who keeps accusing me of things. Since she is close to me, I started judging myself and believed I was wrong. How do I avoid taking things personally?

Answer: Learning how to avoid taking things personally is a challenge, but when we realize that comments directed to us are about the other person, where they're coming from, past experiences and the level of maturity, we can begin to stop reacting emotionally. We are all at different levels in our life. I've been where you are and it almost destroyed me until I learned to dismiss anger directed at me. I taught myself to accept where another person is. I soon realized their accusations had absolutely nothing to do with me. I was soon set free. You must detach yourself from the pain.

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it's actually a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you'll endure many years of suffering and unhappiness. Make it a habit not to take anything personally and respect and love yourself.

Question: I have a girlfriend who was accused by my mom of things she didn't really do. Now, I told her that it's not her who has the problem because she didn't do anything. But now she's very angry and broke up with me. How can I let her realize that she doesn't need to feel rage and angry about the people who accuse her. Maybe I can't but I don't want to lose our relationship?

Answer: You may want to question your relationship with this person. She may not be emotionally ready. Trust is important between two people. She's not indicating that she trusts you. I understand that you want to save this relationship. Perhaps, she just needs time to process this situation. It may be in your best interest to take some time as well.

Every situation is different and so are people. If your relationship is going to last it may be best to let some time pass before approaching her again. I wish you the best.

Question: I have a sister who always accuses me of things and she swears up and down that she is right. I love her dearly but it hurts so much when she does this. It stays on my mind all day long and I feel confused and alone. She’s like my best friend but her accusations are beginning to wear me out. I’m tired of it. I just don’t know how to prevent this from bothering me so much. What should I do about my accusatory sister?

Answer: It sounds like it's time for you to set some boundaries. Start by either ignoring her accusations or simply walk away. I've had this same experience and it took me a long time to practice setting boundaries. Once I did though, she got the message and stopped her behavior. Please, give this a try because it just might work!

Question: If someone accuses me of theft, and I told that person I didn't do it, but the person is too mad to see reason, what should I do?

Answer: It's so very frustrating when someone doesn't believe you and you're telling the truth. I hate it! So, what can you do? This person probably has trust issues based on some experience that happened in the past. Is this fair to you? No. The more honest you are in life with all the people around you, the apter they are to believing you.

Don't let this person's opinion stick to you. Keep going regardless of what the person thinks. Don't react. Some people need more time than others to start trusting someone. Just keep on being the honest, reliable and trust-worthy person you are. In time, you will be seen as what you are.

Question: What should I say when I want to confront my accuser about the situation?

Answer: Above everything else, remain calm and collected. Keep a handle on your emotions. State the truth as concisely as you can. Avoid making false allegations in return, as they may compromise your reputation as a teller of truth. Remember that time will solve all the accusations if they are false.

Question: My brother is in jail for a vile crime. In my area, his actions are well known and many, many people scrutinize me and make disgusting comments. Other than being victimized what else can I do in response to my brother's reputation?

Answer: Don Miguel Ruiz says:

" Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in." Still, when we hear disgusting comments directed toward ourselves it affects us. I'm sorry about your situation and how this makes you feel.

Sometimes, we simply can't control what others say to us or about us - but we can control how we react to hurtful comments. At times the only way to respond to hurtful comments is to directly confront the offending person and request that they stop it. In some cases, it's best to just walk away with no response whatsoever.

To not let others hurt you, it may be necessary to stand up for yourself and make a retort when you disagree with what they say. This allows for expression, which pretty much helps to clear up the negativity inside you. Trust me — it will make you feel a lot better when you express yourself and you will at least know that you did your best and everything you could against things you disagree with.

Question: What you do when your boss subtly accuses you of something that she says you did in the past but you are so shocked you didnt know how to respond. Is it too late after time has past to ask to discuss it?

Answer: Well, I've been there too and I sure understand what a shock it is when you're accused of something you didn't do. Most of the time, it does little good to try to discuss the problem. Remember this: being accused is rarely about us...it's about the accuser. They may be having a bad day, or they may be a little on the narcissistic side. The thing is; you know you're not guilty and for now, that may have to be enough. Keep living a life of integrity and in time your accuser will realize they were wrong about you.

Question: How should I respond to a sibling who turns anything I say against me?

Answer: Don't respond at all! Your sibling is looking for attention so avoid taking anything that is said personally. Learn strategies for redirecting your focus as your sibling is chatting away. Do not begin to defend yourself or explain. If you need to, simply walk away. Do not become a participant!

© 2012 Audrey Hunt

Comments

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on August 28, 2020:

Vanita Thakkar

How nice to know that my article is helpful. Being blamed unfairly

is a difficult experience.

Thank you

Vanita Thakkar on August 28, 2020:

Good article - very useful.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on August 16, 2020:

Mary-Ann

I'm sorry about your situation. In my opinion, it is your son you must think about first and not your husband. The emotional abuse he continues to inflict on you affects your son. You both deserve someone who will love you. It's clearly time for you to move on. Love yourself and your son and lose this man!

Mary-Ann Hazel on August 16, 2020:

I have been married for 5 years, with a son. But my husband continuously blame me for having affairs throughout our married years. Otherwise he has been the one that has been unfaithful a number of times, yet I have been very forgiving. But now, he has gone to the extent of blaming me for being the woman on a sex video he saw recently. The woman on the video has the same body features as mine from the back and side-look, even though her face is not visible. So he has been taunting me ever since he saw it. Then at times he says he is forgiving me for it and then the accusing comes back. But I have no idea of what he is talking about as it's not me on the video. I do hurt very much when he does that, and all i do is cry and tell him that it is not me. He has even suggested that we get divorced because according to him, he will keep hurting if he stays with me. Then we make up and is okay again after.

But I know, he's accusing will keep coming back at times. I love this man, but I do not want to be abused emotionally and verbally all the time. What do I do?

Ge Rijn on July 09, 2020:

I had this ex-partner that blamed all what went wrong in her live on others, past and present. Finally she started blaming me too (ofcourse) for problems we had in our relationship. One of the big issues became, me questioning her blaming, negative behavior towards others as the reason for failures and her misfortunes in live and bringing up the slightest possibility she could also have a role in her problems with so many people and workplaces.

She reacted only irritated first but later became withholding/passive agressive to me and finally right-out verbally abusive.

There I cut off and ended the relationship.

I didn't accept the abusive blaming and shaming and I told her why I ended it. Wishing her well.

I thought this was the end of it. It was frustrating and sad to let go but I knew it was the right choice.

I didn't mind that much about she blaming me for all kinds of things I didn't do, said, think or felt. I tried to explane her many times but she just stick to her believes. We got no further. That's why I stopped.

Big awfull suprise. I learned she was black-mouthing me with the wildest accusations of mistreatment and abuse to many who knew me from a distance and to some even close. I learned she started doing this already half a year before we seperated. She even managed to seduce my younger brother two days after I quited, playing on his weaknesses at the time and with her sex. Just to punish me. Breaking the good relationship I had with my brother and bringing confusion in our family.

After discarding him in no-time she went on black-mouthing me to all people she knew I knew in some way. Just infecting them with the poison of doubt. Some very good friends stayed but she managed to ruin my social live for a great deal. And no way I could defend myself, for a part this already happened a year before I stopped with her without ever suspecting she would do such a thing.

Now, years later the damage is still visible. I never really tried to defend myself. Sometimes I only said it just isn't true what she tells. If you choose to believe it, it's your choice. I cann't change your believes it seems.

She's just lying and taking some kind of revenge.

Explaining didn't help, it made it even worse. It was asif I was trying to destroy the picture of her they had.

The beautifull, social, nice, positive facade she showed all of them all the time. I was on a loss on all fronts.

My point here is that it's easily stated in the comments that you should not accept this behavior. I totally agree.

But the fall-out of this kind of disordered persons is often much worse.

Where you stop, the abuse excellerates in many cases with narcissists and other Cluster B persons. They don't accept no for an anwser or any discussion about their attitude. They want revenge and pain inflicted onto you for questioning their behavior and leaving them. The Narcissistic Injure is so deep. You had the nerve to question God him/herself. And you should be punished, cruxified, burned, tortured for this failure to question their superiority.

Your advice, to not take part in the blaming/shaming (for that's what it is) of others is ofcourse good advice but also an open door.

The real fall-out and serious consequences often come after the discard/ending of the relationship.

This isn't easy at all. Many say you should not fight back and let the people believe what they want to believe. You also seem to endorse this way of thinking.

I say no. Don't hide. Don't let them get away with their misdeeds. Go full front in confronting them and defend yourself. Call them out anytime you are confronted by someone who accuses or doubts you. Don't spare this wicked, dispitefull creatures.

Tell the truth.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 15, 2020:

JD

I'm sorry about your situation. You probably can't change your sister's behavior but you can learn to change how you react to all of this. It will take practice on your part but it will be worth the changes you make for yourself. Don't allow her to take your power away or to diminish you. You may be better off taking some time away from her. take some space. when you can don't react to her words, threat, and stuff. Ignore her completely, I hope this works.

Mary Padfield on April 13, 2020:

Good Morning

Or is it?

What apmoshere here being accursed of moving his things which I have not. Now having the silience cruel treatment which is not very present. He wont even look at me face to face.

Shay on March 31, 2020:

I work for a doctor that constantly accuse me of things I didn’t do. I try to defend myself, but he always shut me down. It makes me feel very sad inside I even thought about finding another job. However, I love my job and I’m trying to be strong and hang in there. I also had a problem with the office manager physical abuse. I talked to the doctor about it then it stopped. Now the doctor is try to abuse me mentally.

JD on March 23, 2020:

I don't know what to do. For many years, my sister has made me feel that whatever I do is wrong, even to the point that she isn't making any sense or is turning around the facts to make herself look like she's right and I'm to blame. I usually make a list of reasons showing the facts and the reasons why I didn't do anything wrong, which seems to just provoke her further and she doesn't believe me. I don't think I can just ignore her as we don't have much family locally. So I tend to just state the true facts and feel bad about myself in response to her accusations, until the same thing happens again. What is the best way to deal with this?

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on March 02, 2020:

Jack

The best thing we can do when blamed and we're innocent is to continue living life with honor and dignity. Life is sometimes unfair and we just need to do the best we can.

Good luck,

Audrey Hunt

Jack on February 27, 2020:

I was on a table with my friends and a half empty pasta pot we where pushing it around so eventually someone bins it I push it one side and then my friend pushes it back a little to hard and it falls and goes all over me I'm insulting my friend for doing this and I leave to wash my shirt and blazer last lesson i see one of the girls saying to the liar why did you get pasta on my mates coat I say "what's going on?" someone at the time I was in an argument and wasn't speaking to says actually I saw what happened and he says I pushed it to hard and he pushed it back so it didn't go on him!? The next day I get taken out of my lesson and there's a teacher and the girls who coat got pasta on it the teacher said do you know what happened at dinner time yesterday? I say about the pasta? Yes about the pasta. I didn't have the guts to say it wasn't me I put my head down in shame though it wasn't me! Now she talks to the pasta coat girl did it clean off? No my mother said it'll need dry cleaning the teacher says get a damp cloth and wash it if that doesn't work we will make Jack (me) and James (the liar) pay a bill she then says it'll be payed between the 3 of us I don't know how much it'll be but I'm scared to tell my mum. I really don't know what to do

Pat jefferst on February 05, 2020:

I am in the most mentally and emotionally relationship I thought possible. I recognized the signs early in the relationship and should have gotten out of it. I am falsely accused on a daily basis and hollered and screened at. Recently I was accused of wanting my gay nephew who as at a Super Bowl party at his parents house they my boyfriend suggested we attend. He accused me of fondling and kissing my nephew in the mouth which did not happened. The verbal abuse has taken its height.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on December 19, 2019:

Faith,

Trust is everything in a relationship. It sounds like this guy may have trust issues that have nothing to do with you. You've already tried to explain to him that nothing is going on. Now, it's up to him.

His lack of trust is a red flag, so be careful.

Faith Allan on December 19, 2019:

I've been dating this guy for a couple of months now..and I sincerely and faithfully love him.

So today I coincidentally met with male friend and he boughe a drink which I took in a hurry then left him after a few minutes.so apparently someone saw us and told my boyfriend.

So at first he didn't want to talk then when he finally did, he pointed out that he's lost all his trust in me.what should I do since I've tried all my best to convince him that nothing happened btn the two of us ie me and the friend

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on December 09, 2019:

Sharron

It's time for you to begin valuing yourself. It's never to late to begin a new life and experience the joy of being the best version of yourself. Yes, it's a terrible thing to be blamed for something you didnt do. But the blamer is at fault...not you! I hope you have someone to talk to because you need support. I wish you strength at this difficult time.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on December 08, 2019:

Denise

Your ex was a monster. He sounds like a very sick man. I'm so sorry about your painful treatment by him and so glad he isn't in your life now. Narcissism, living with one who is this way, is terrible. You can't win for losing!

May you live in love every day. You deserve no less.

Sharron on December 08, 2019:

It's so very painful and frustrating, everyday my husband accuses me of cheating with EVERYONE. He physically abuses me and calls me a nasty hoe. He gets my phone and swears that he can see where I've been talking to me and taking nude photos of myself. It's crazy and it's killing me. In fact I'm even considering killing myself and taking him with me. I won't leave him I love him too much. And he tells me he me to leave buti won't I'll kill him first and burn this house to the ground. I've spent most of my life in prison and I'm so institutionalized that I don't care about going back and my life is miserable cause we're heroin addicts and we have to have it. But it's there some way I can prove my innocence with a lie detector test or something??? I just want him to know I am faithful to him.

Lil on August 10, 2019:

Ive been falsely accused of something quite serious my sister friend who she works with as a dancer in Lincolnshire has accused me of indecent exposure when i had her kids one of her children told her mum that i did something now this friend of my sister has gone and put this on facebook and told other people about it where i live instead of coming to me first and discussing it with me i have looked after her kids before few times now they can and do lie about things that happen. Shes got 2 children aged 9 and 6 boy and girl. I'm really hurt that this happened behind my back and i wasnt informed about this incident that happened over 3 weeks ago wasnt mentioned until now. My family believe me my two nieces aged 18 months and 8 years old was with me on the same evening.To put something on facebook that was blown out of portion i dont understand why my sister friend didnt ring me or come to my flat and have a women chat i know for a fact that i didnt do anything wrong as such all i did was to ask a 9 year old girl to take a look at something for me which was on a part of my body i couldnt see properly i had a bite or something all i wanted her to do was to take a look how bad the bite was. The young girl told her mum and her mum has gone around telling people what i did and worse. I feel like crying and im deeply upset that this has happened. I have been told now by my sister that her friend doesnt no longer wants me to babysit for her and that my reputation has been tarnished. My sister friend can be very weird towards others to one min she will speak to you and say hello other times ive seen her and I've completely been ignored and she has walked past me like i dont exist. She blows hot and cold on every one i dont know whether to speak to her and say hello and mention this or to forget about it and move on any advice on this i would be grateful. Thank you

Denise McGill from Fresno CA on July 25, 2019:

This is truly vital information. I wish I knew this 40 years ago. I was married to a Narcissistic person and he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. I found later that he was the one cheating. It makes so much sense now but back then I was sure I was doing something to cause all my heartache. He loved it when I was in agony and often beat me to ensure it. I had to leave him. There was no other way. He nearly killed me and my two babies one night. I hope lots of people find this information a source of hope and help. Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,

Denise

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on July 13, 2019:

shawna1984

What a terrible experience for you. Sometimes, walking away is the best course of action. I wish you every success as you look for another job. Thank you for sharing.

shawna1984 on July 10, 2019:

I cannot tolerate this type of personality and left a work position due to this. An employer loved to text. Whenever a question regarding simple paperwork or scheduling came up, I'd receive texts accusing me of all kinds of things. One text after another. Missing/not showing up for work, not turning in invoices, changing schedules without permission...etc. Instead of simply asking me about the problem he had, he'd accuse me of all kinds of things. all these texts would stress me out....especially not knowing what the heck he was talking about. I calmly walked through what was going on & solved each problem that had absolutely nothing to do with what he'd accused me of, but after the third time of this, I decided to look for work elsewhere. Horrible way to treat people.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on June 17, 2019:

Patricia

Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, narcissistic people can indeed cause very serious problems. I'm so sorry for all you've been through and I wish you the best.

Patricia on May 27, 2019:

My narcissist saw

me chatting with a neighbor..who was asking me how I was feeling (I had been sick). My narcissist came home right at the time he was chatting with me. I came back in and he was getting violent and accused me of cheating. I knew I had to leave and go somewhere safe, so I went to my pastors condo. There were 2 other women who lived there. Many times I had to call 911 on the narcissist and the police recommended that I go to a safe place instead of waiting for him to hit me. So I left my narcissist at home stewing. He broke a cute red clock i had in my living room..tried cleaning up the mess and cut his hand on the glass. He wanted revenge so he called the police and said I stabbed his hand. That is a Felonious assault charge. The police called me at 1130 and asked me to come back. I arrived and they took me to jail. I got off because my attorney showed how ridiculous it was and because the narcissist never charged me. I couldn't come back to my own apartment for over a month cuz the judge gave me no contact. This apartment was mine not his..So I wasn't allowed to go home until my court date. These Narcissistic people can really cause some serious problems. If i had been charged i could have spent some serious time in jail or prison. He never said sorry. One more thing. While he was at the apartment he removed all my art work from my walls and he broke all my family pictures. He is jealous of my family. Omg

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on May 20, 2019:

This is unfortunate and the best thing for you to do is to simply forget it and go on with your life. Blamers are a type of narcissist with a huge ego. They use blame to feel better about themselves.

Don't give this person anymore thought. Direct your attention to what you love to do.

Thanks.

George Sahakyan on May 19, 2019:

Hello Audrey Hunt thanks for you hellp.I'm about some girls she accused me like I put something in her drink but I do know her I've never seen her before I got a lot of strees it was crazy

Al on May 10, 2019:

Is there scientific proof to back up the part about body language?

Aleigh on May 08, 2019:

UHG MY "bestfriend said I was bullying her and that I have depression telling her to shut up and how Im making her miserable. TEACHERS ARE GETTING INVOLVED! UHG I HATE HER SO DAME MUCH!

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on May 05, 2019:

Joanna

Yes, i sent him a lenghty email that he responded to a while back. He seems to be doing much better these days. We talk regularly about his program and hes trying hard. Thanks for asking about him

Joanna on May 04, 2019:

I wonder if that guy "Rob " in the comments below is doing ok? I didnt see a reply to him?

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 23, 2019:

Hi Geri

To hear that my article is helpful for you absolutely made my day. I appreciate your kind words.

Be happy and go with peace in your lovely heart.

Audrey

Geri McClymont on April 20, 2019:

Thank you for this article, Audrey. I came across it at just the right time. Your insights and suggestions are very helpful and appreciated.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 20, 2019:

Hi Peter

This must be so frustrating for you. I would say that this person has a real problem. You may be better off by dropping this guy. He doesn't sound like a friend. You don't need this.

Good luck, Peter and thanks.

Peter on April 11, 2019:

I am a guy of 3 friends. Daniel, and Noah. Usually, Noah would make pranks for Daniel, since they are good friends. AND HOLY SHIT! HE BLAMES ME EVERYTIME! Like damn.

Thanks for this

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 04, 2019:

Lorence

Narcissism is a mental disorder. Other disorders can mimic narcissism. Only a qualified doctor can detect whether your daughter suffers from this disorder.

That being said, it sounds like you are not being treated with respect. I'm sorry about your situation. It may be best to distance yourself for a time from her. Not an easy thing to do, but your health is important. Think about it.

I wish you the best.

Lorence on April 02, 2019:

I truly beleive my daughter is narcacist. She blames me for everything if she knows she did wrong she quickly turns tha table on me laying blame on me for what ever pops in her head

Then i will not see her or hear from her for sometime. If i attempt to see her and she is mot ready to face me she will make up another lie and accuse me of somethingh.she knows full well i did not do. Im drained with trying to continue to keep seeing her and to keep peace it is a strain on my health and my own mental state i have no ideal what to do

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on March 29, 2019:

Elle

Thanks for your suggestion. Blamers rarely take responsibility for their actions. Every situation is different which makes it more difficult to give advice.

Devin

It sounds like you are caught right in the middle of this situation and I'm sorry. Just try to be true to yourself. These predicaments have a way of changing sooner or later.

Nihilego

Thanks for sharing your comments. As long as you know you're innocent, let that be enough for now. Good luck.

Nihilego on March 29, 2019:

My mom used this website but completely overlooked the fact that she is a narcissist, merely looking here for more fuel. She only used your section on 'how to tell if someone is lying'. Now I can't do any of those things when I'm confronted with something she accuses me of. Doing those things when I'm innocent instantly puts all mom's blame on me, and now I'm her 'little thief'. So. Yeah.That happened.

Devin on March 21, 2019:

My mom is my accuser in this situation. There are fights between my mom and dad daily that can stem from anything. My mom tells me not to trust my dad for some pretty bad things he did, such as listening to his mother berate mine and doing just that to mine, as well as lying about some very important things. While I do listen to her as there is pretty compelling evidence that he did do these things and have been trying to limit contact with him, my mom is now also accusing me of listening of him and doing the exact same things he is doing. I vaguely recall things that I did do when I was 10 or 12 which to this day I am ashamed of, but do not recall doing since. I have been trying to better myself, distance myself from these issues, and help her out more, but these accusations, fights, and putdowns have been practically routine for me by this point and have really taken a toll on me. What should I do?

Elle on March 17, 2019:

For anyone that is falsely accused of something. It is best to say calmly, "Are you falsely accusing me?

Then say, " No, I am not interested in so & so...If this bad behavior continues we are done." Either hang up the phone or if in person walk away. That will teach her NOT to falsely accuse... she will eventually find out who did whatever. But you won't be around. Lol!

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on March 07, 2019:

S P Austen

Thank you for a wonderful in-depth comment as always. It really adds to my article. You can’t see me, but I’m totally doing a happy dance. I value your support.

Enjoy your evening.

S P Austen from Qualicum Beach, BC, Canada on March 06, 2019:

A great article, Audrey and absolutely spot on! I can think of several people who I have known and still know, who definitely fit the bill on these characteristics. Some of them exhibit every single personality trait that you have outlined. Well done, this is an excellent piece.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on February 23, 2019:

Hi Deborah,

Wow! How did you manage to stay in such a relationship for 20 years? You are clearly a beautiful and patient person. I hold a new respect for you, my friend.

May happiness and peace be with you every day.

Deborah Demander Reno from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on February 22, 2019:

This article is spot on. I was married to this person for twenty years and he exhibited every characteristic you've discussed.

Thanks for writing this informative and accurate article.

Namaste

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on February 17, 2019:

Hi Jay

Thanks so much for your visit and for your suggestion. Just finished reading your hub on mental illness. An important read for everyone and I am sharing this article as I know many people who will benefit from your information.

Jay C OBrien from Houston, TX USA on February 16, 2019:

Good article. Suggestion: note the time, place and witnesses to an event, especially in a work setting. You may need to report the event later. Mental illness is widespread in humanity. See: https://hubpages.com/health/Peace-on-Earth-is-an-I...

Rob Smyth on February 16, 2019:

My roommate has been extremely mean (accusations of untrue things, telling everyone these untrue things and ruined my whole NA and AA support network which is potentially fatal if I relapse because no one will talk to me and this is like most meetings where people are now telling other people so when I introduce myself they are like we don’t want to talk to people like you I’m sorry) and to top things off he has given me one month to move out (he fired me from work unjustly as well and he admitted it’s because I am still friends with someone he had a falling out with just because the guy started drinking again) so I have zero income and am struggling to find a new job because of my criminal record (trafficking charges and weapon charges in my old life as a gang member but for the record I am a nice loving human being who has feelings and feels vast out which to a degree my own fault conviction wise) and I have a 2 year old rotty pitty cross who is a sweetheart so he knows I have no job a dog and no money besides for my last month of rent and decides after calling me in short a junkie liar piece of shit who talks shit about him and his personal life behind his back (I don’t).....sorry for the long novel of a explanation before the question....how am I supposed to deal with this? When I am at home I feel extremely isolated in my room because I don’t want him to say awful things to me anymore..and I have tried calling people I thought were my friends and no one answers accept a few who have told me I should b ashamed of myself and to fuck off..the only person who speaks to me now is my mother and I can’t get myself to tell her the whole situation because it will break her heart that people are saying these things to me and she doesn’t deserve to feel this way and neither do I....I’m so lost and truly everyone and I mean like a 50 person plus support group gone and my housing soon to be gone...I am going to end up homeless I think...and I’ve been clean a year and a half almost....please what do I do? Thanks so much and once again I am so sorry to blab I just am so fucking scared and sad....I have never been thrown away like trash before and I like am trying to think of what I could have done to make him start this chain reaction of “go away and die rob” comments and remarks...but I am the kind of person that if someone has something on there mind that I would stay up all night even just to listen and be there for them even if I had to go to work right after the convo ended with no sleep...I love my friends more then life itself and 1 week before this happened I literally almost got hit by a car saving my roomies cat cuz he left his window opened to his room and I happened to be outside when my buddy yelled out omgggg save him....I just don’t know what the point in anything is anymore and am struggling to not pick up heroin again....

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on February 07, 2019:

Lilly

Thanks for reading my article on "Coping With Being Blamed". I'm sorry to learn that your daughter is treating you badly. Sounds like its time for you to set up some boundaries. We teach others how to treat us. I had to learn this myself. Once, I demanded respect, I got it. Good luck to you!

Cindy

Your landlord has no right whatsoever to treat you disrespectfully. Take a stand and make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable. Thank you.

Cindy on February 07, 2019:

What to do when landlord treats me badly before lease signing and has no idea just no idea how badly been treated by a tenant for years

alice on December 24, 2018:

My sister accused me that I stole the charger of her special friend which I didn't do. I know that she loved her so much thats why she can easily say that to me but I need to defend myself. I'm so upset because of simple things situation might go wrong.

Lil on December 24, 2018:

I used to be falsely accused of theft by my ex partner i was with him for 5 months used to live with him he falsely accused me of taking money from his wallet and using his credit card etc which i never did im not that sort of person. There was one incident he got reported as he threatened a member of staff inside a petrol station of short changing him the police was called and my then boyfriend got a warning from the police officer. He also robbed money from inside a pub the landlady knew my then boyfriend he jumped over the bar in the pub and took £200 from the till in front of the pub land lady and several staff and in front of customers he knew he done very very wrong the land lady then had him banned from her pub and ordered him to pay her back the money he took. I walked out of him several years ago i had enough with him verbally abusing me emotionally abuse and his threats and intimidation he was a really heavy drinker his behaviour had him banned from most pubs and clubs in south yorkshire some of the shops and petrol stations he wasnt allowed in to he has since moved away. Ive to moved and got on with my life sometimes its just best to move on walk away from abuse

ppdp12 on November 29, 2018:

My husband and I have a 1.5 year old. Anytime he falls or cries, I am the one to blame. I am still nursing him. My husband is convinced that I am doing drugs because my child who recently learned to walk falls once in a while. He accuses me of this and says that our child is falling because of my toxic breastmilk. Clearly I am not doing drugs, I don't even drink caffeine. I am actually a very healthy person (avoid processed foods, food dyes, sugar, etc.) He actually came to me a few days ago and told me to hand them over and that I am ruining our son's life. This is just one of his many false accusations against me. He is also very moody. He will be nice to me for a couple of weeks and then just start accusing me of the most absurd things out of the blue. He used to have an anger problem and was very verbally abusive but he has calmed down quite a bit. He always blames others and never accepts responsibility for himself. His accusation regarding our son has me completely down. It is very hurtful as I have tried and put forth my all to nurse our son this long. I know that he will never change. I am the one that has to change. But how do you keep your own husband from hurting you so much?

Confused on October 14, 2018:

Audrey,

5 yrs ago I left my husband. We had 4 children at the time. I always felt like there was something off about the things he said and did to me, but was never able to label what it was. One day, I was talking to my sister, and she said the word narcissist. I had no idea what it meant and I commenced to researching narcissism, narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, ect. I was absolutely convinced that all of it was exactly what I was going thru. I always thought that abuse had to be physical before I felt it was bad enough to leave, although he has never put his hands on me ever. I didn't have a plan but at the time I had family willing to help and they did, and I left for three months before going back. During this three months I was talking to other men (not sleeping with any of them). I had no plans to go back to my husband when I left, but during this time my husband made it clear how much he loved me and I fell for it hook line and sinker. After going back, the abuse was worse...it lasted for about 6 months. Questioning, accusing, badgering, threatening to take the kids, the manipulation, talking to me while I was sleeping, ignoring me, keeping me up all night long for days, telling me I was going to get pregnant (and I did) or he would divorce me, coming up with fake evidence that I slept with someone. He made me feel crazy. I was four months pregnant when it finally came to somewhat of a halt It stayed calm for four years, I mean Ive had to deal with some ridiculous rules like no smart phones, no internet in the house, no contact with family (another long story), for a long time not working or going to the store without him, even limiting my makeup usage. Now four yrs later, we are back at it again. We finally got smart phones and internet in the house so I can homeschool the kids and I am working. Ive done nothing wrong and admitted to talking to other men when we were split up (and hes talked to these men). He claims he saw a naked photo of me on a nasty website, even showed it to me...I knew it wasn't me when he accused me of it because ive done nothing wrong, but when he showed it to me I was absolutely shocked that he didn't see it wasn't me! So, then he brings up what happened 4 yrs ago and want to know who I slept with and I held to the truth, NO ONE! But he claims to have all of this evidence and says that other ppl told him and he heard me over the phone while doing it...this went on for a month, I finally gave in and admitted to doing something I didn't do...hoping it would give him peace and closure like he claimed, it just made it worse. He wanted a name and contact info, of course I didn't have anything. I told him I lied, that I didn't do it and he has threatened divorce, taking the kids...you name it. Now he wants another baby...IDK. Things seem calm for now, he seems like hes trying to be close and emotional with me and has opened up about his past, but eventually this conversation will come back around again.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on October 04, 2018:

Gretchen

Thank you for sharing your story here. Sounds like you/re in a healthy place now. Keep up the good work!

Mistybug 75

Thanks for posting your comments. Nice to see you here.

Pebble26

Just do your best to live a life of integrity. In time they will realize your intentions are honorable.

Pebbles26 on October 04, 2018:

What do I do if my parents don’t believe me or even if it was an honest mistake?

Mistybug75 on October 03, 2018:

What can i say to a friend to assure her theres never been nor will ever be anything going on between me and her man after being falsely accused?

Lisa on September 29, 2018:

Hi everyone im just inquiring here on what to do my ex posted something on facebook to a former friend and neighbour of mine now im getting blamed by this person and being falsely accused in writing such horrible post its not even in my hand writing. I had my former friend and her partner confront me point my finger at me and try to intimidate me ive since come off facebook and i bumped into them once few weeks back they admitted they did get it wrong about me but they never once apologised to me for the hurt and for the false accusation. Ive tried to let it go but in some ways im really hurt a sorry will go a long way with me. Ive only seen them twice since i have moved away from the area i once lived in. Ive not forgot what they did finger pointing and blame me for the post.

Gretchen on September 01, 2018:

I have been seeing my boyfriend for three years now. He is black and I am white, which should be no big deal. Reading your article helped me to see what a true narcissist he really is and understanding the abuse is real with what I’ve gone through with this man. He was married 23yrs I was only married for 8yrs. His wife really did cheat on him and from what he says with an African and that’s the real father of his daughter... I was friends coworkers at work with him in MD gradually confided about personal things in my life... I never saw this coming. By the time we started dating outside of work my ex was an African n he knew this... somewhere in less than three months of dating he introduces an illicit drug to me and asks if I’m cheating. I told the truth and says no. He didn’t believe me and started accusing me of lying when I wasn’t which scared me and all at the same time manipulated me into doing something I always say no to, telling me it will be ok and help me tell the “truth”... with my attraction toward him and low self esteem in other parts of my life I allowed him to think what he wanted n didn’t defend myself n my life... so I’ve gone three years now with back n forth lies trying to use reverse psychology thinking he’d accept forgive n forget... instead it all back fired. Anyone else can tell when I lie about myself but not him. I don’t lie anymore about myself. But he would rather believe a lie to be true than the actual truth. He thinks I had sex parties in his apartment and blames me for him getting fired at a job in MD (we are nurses) when it’s his mouth n anger that goes off... I never cheated on him one time since I have been with him. This whole thing makes me not want to date again, ever. The more confident I become I can’t lie but he won’t let the past go for us to move forward. He thinks he is always right and talks about his gpa from 20yrs ago while I’m trying to better myself and my education now in my early 40’s... I think because I’m getting closer to god and found this article I am stronger now to leave him for good n be at peace and still love him from afar. But I can’t take the mental abuse anymore, I’ve been hit three times because he thinks whores aren’t women and deserve to be hit but I never cheated or had sex parties behind his back because I AM NOT an actual whore... I have forgiven and keep going back but nothing I say when it’s sincere and truthful helps... my only question is does god deal with this and will he finally be shown the truth when he dies? I know god has his wrath in his time, but he should not be allowed to get away with this narcissistic behavior! No one should! It’s destructive and abusive and destroys people’s inside emotions... I guess the best I can do is use the power of prayer. It’s sad though that he is actually a narcissistic male nurse in this world. And other women only see his kindness n not his narcissism just like me in the beginning. He moved to OH to be near me but that wasn’t enough to show me Love because of what he thinks I did when I never did and believes I’m a type of woman I’m not... he still buys drugs and blames me for that behavior too... it’s hard to leave someone you Love and don’t want to see someone else with them. But I also feel happier n at peace if I’m without him. It’s all been a lot of mental abuse n headche asxwrll as heartache... I’m just glad I’m not the only one to experience this type of thing. Praying for everyone to have healing who has gone through this.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on August 08, 2018:

Abby

Your sister is obviously very sensitive about her past unhappy experience. I'm sorry you have this tension in your life and hope it all works out. Thanks for adding your comments.

James

I'm not quite sure what the issue is. Perhaps you can share a little more information. Thank you.

James on August 08, 2018:

What if your mate is doing something to protect them self and saying that you are just seeing things thats not there

Abby on July 30, 2018:

My sister recently got really angry at my husband over a joke that he said about himself, but she said it was really about her.. He used a word she was called as a kid/teenager and claims he knew that she was called that and said he must have heard a rumor but the thing is They shared no friends and i or our own mother didn't even know what she was talking about. she refuses to see it as just a joke but instead sees it as him trolling her. how do i talk to her about it? I don't like that things are so tense and I hate to see my husband walk on egg shells around her every moment we are around her.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on July 19, 2018:

Nicholas

There really isn't much you can do about this unfortunate experience. I had this happen to me years ago and it hurt me something awful. I decided to live in such a way that my accuser would learn that I had integrity and honesty in all my dealings. I finally received an apology.

Just be the good person you are!

Marlene

I'm so terribly sorry that you, the nicest person in this world, had to experience being blamed for something you did not do. It hurts, and the pain we carry around lasts for a very long time.

I am happy that I wrote about this and that you found it when you needed it. I've learned to develop a tough skin in order to survive being blamed for something I didn't do. I'm still living in a situation where I'm constantly blamed and have had to learn how to live with it. I now, shrug it off, remind myself that I am an honest person and don't deserve this treatment. Neither do you!

Most blamers are narcissistic and will never take responsibility for their mistakes. Consider the source, my friend.

Sending you healing hugs and thoughts filled with love.

Audrey

Marlene Bertrand from USA on July 19, 2018:

Recently I was blamed for something I did not do and it crushed me to my core. Days later, I am still feeling hurt. Reading your article today has given me the ammunition I need to get stronger and overcome the emotional turmoil going on inside me. By the way, knowing the personality traits of a narcissist has been the biggest help.

Nicholas on July 18, 2018:

I was Blamed for something I didn't do what do I do about it

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on July 02, 2018:

Gregory

Thank you for sharing your heart-breaking experience here. I just want to give you a big 'ol hug. Toxic people are so draining! Hurray for us and those like us who share similar experiences and have the courage to let go of these kinds of people.

It's hard when family members are toxic. Good for you for honoring yourself enough to stop all communication with your mother. I'm sorry, but I"m also very proud of you!

Gregory DeVictor from Pittsburgh, PA on June 30, 2018:

Audrey, reading your article was like watching a Joyce Meyer broadcast. (You must take that as a compliment too.) Further, your description of a family member with a mental disorder fits my mother (now deceased) 100%. I bought into her toxicity for years and allowed it to rule my life. However, years before she passed away, I severed ties with her just like many, many others had done over the years. Based on the details in your article, she was a victim of a narcissistic personality disorder. In particular, she had a major problem with people who she perceived were smarter intellectually than she was.

On the comic side, I know that she disliked the “Mama’s Family” television series because the way in which Vicki Lawrence (Thelma Harper) behaved on the show reminded her of herself.

Recently, a woman who I run into on and off when grocery shopping accused my of criminal activity. I knew I was innocent and did not get on the defensive. I immediately picked up that she was a bitter woman who had a lot of strife in her life.

After accusing me of wrongdoing, she complimented me on my physical appearance. Intuitively, I knew that she was being phoney. (Oh yes, she weighs about 300 pounds, uses a walker, and is missing a lot of teeth.) I have also noticed some of the people she talks to and it always me of Proverbs 13:20. (Birds of a feather flock together.)

When I see her now, I always ignore her and go on my way.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on June 30, 2018:

Kathy RoCha

You've been through a lot and I'm sorry. While I can't tell you exactly what to do, it's clear to me that we all must live a life free of toxic people. I wish you luck and thank you for being here.

Kathy RoCha on June 29, 2018:

My sibling has accused me of something that is untrue and it has been going on for well over 38 years now. Every time I am around this person I see the pure hatred she has toward me. This person has went out of her way to tell family members and even my friends that I am a liar and a cheat. I have had enough. I have been dealing with this since teenage years. Unfortunately we live together to care for another family member who has been ill for some time. I will move on soon and disassociate myself from this person totally but consider it a shame as it is a sibling. I am not going to be made to feel guilty for something I did not do. It has caused a lot of anguish between this persons children and myself as they believe the lies. Should I disassociate myself from the family ties that I have with them also? They are always threatening me and calling me names when I go to any family function. I am so upset that I simply want to turn my back on all of them and not look back.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on June 14, 2018:

Freya

Just keep living a life of integrity. In time, being honest will show others that you were not guilty of being blamed in the past.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on June 14, 2018:

Brionna

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man like this? Think about it. He's showing his true colors when he should be flaunting his best to win you over. If this behavior is his best now...I shudder to think of how things may be in the future.

Freya on June 09, 2018:

My brother stole something from my mother and he is blaming me. I know honestly that i did not do it, but he says the same thing. My parents are punishing both of us, and he will not admit it. What should i do?

Brionna on June 08, 2018:

I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. I have lied to him in the past, and I'm sure that's where most* of his accusations come from. Things are supposed to be changing and going forward. He used to be abusive, and that was a big cause of the lies. He makes me feel everyone around me is negative..friends family anyone. He knows best in his mind. I love him and we have worked past so much, but the accusations are just pushing me away. He is no longer abusive and so I find it easier to tell him the truth. I lied to him recently about talking to an ex friend of mine. He actually moved out and with a friend. When he's with me everything is fine, but when he is away from me the accusations just get worse. I really wanna be with him after all he was the man who took my virginity, and we talk about getting married. Its just hard to even picture that when he pushes me away. I don't know what to do..I just feel like I am losing myself. He can be so nice, but at times he says the worst things. Low blows. I wanna talk to him about it, but he doesn't hear me. He "listens" but nothing seems to change. Any advice?

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on June 02, 2018:

Joe

So sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something that's not your fault. Continue to hold your head up high during this difficult time. One day this will pass and he will know the truth.

Tina

Being blamed hurts. It's unfair as well. I'm sorry about this. Take care. You know in your heart you are blameless.

Tina on May 28, 2018:

I have been blamed

Joel on May 26, 2018:

Thanks for this site,kinda going through some trouble with my boss,he blames me for him and his woman for breaking up-she's not my type,one of those that says she's getting harrased by someone but she won't say who it is-so he focused on me-to be honest it's his own fault,pray for me,he's gonna take it out on me

rene lorraine on May 10, 2018:

so helpfull

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on May 08, 2018:

Whoops!!! My bad! My eyes skipped a beat or something, and I put my comment on the wrong article! :-( Sorry about that. I have it copied/saved, so if you just want to deny that comment, feel free, and I'll repost it on the correct article.

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on May 07, 2018:

Hi, Audrey!

Stopping by again to let you know that just for grins and giggles, I got out my old book of tunes from my voice class back in 1983 - 84. Italian arias; and I found most of the ones I'd learned on You Tube. What fun to sing along with the likes of Pavarotti, and Carreras! (I told you I belong in the tenor section! :-D )

I was amazed at how many of the words came back to me without having to refer to the sheet music, even after it sat collecting dust all these intervening years!

I wonder if you have any further words of wisdom on these two particularly pesky issues I still face:

1) I still have the problem of running out of air on an end note that's a long note anyway, as in an adagio piece with a tied or dotted whole note, for example.

2)Some of the pieces also called for "piano" volume on a higher note, and that's a no-can-do for me. If I'm going to be able to get to a high-ish note, it's going to be by really belting it out. ... but in a whisper (a la the late Minnie Ripperton), no way.

.(wish I had a way to send you a tape, so you could hear what I'm talking about...LOL)

(I also discovered in this experiment, that some of the pieces were not played at full tempo for us in class, and I really struggled with some, especially with "Gia 'il Sole dal Gange" LOL)

Cheers, and thank you again...

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on May 06, 2018:

Hello Mike Orban

Thank you for letting me know how helpful this article is. I hope your relationship works out, however, these type of people rarely, if ever, change without help.

I wish you the best.

Syed Sajid

Thank you for your comments. It took me a long time to "see the light". Knowledge is power.

Syed Sajid on May 04, 2018:

Very nice honey.....very helpful to detect this people....

Mike Orban on April 29, 2018:

Thank you so much for your story, I am in a relationship with a person like this and is very hard to deal with situations some times, yet I learn a lot and I'm doing much better now since I know what is it. Thank you again.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 28, 2018:

Ralph,

I'm so very sorry about all of this. His actions seem a bit extreme based on what you're telling me. He may have issues that he needs to resolve. Never-the-less, Ralph, you know the truth and if you are blameless you can hold your head high as you walk this journey.

Remember, there was once a man who walked the earth doing only good. He was wrongly accused, beaten and crucified. He was the son of God.

Be strong!

My best to you and thanks.

Ralph on April 28, 2018:

Hello.

My name is Ralph and I'm currently 15.

My parents have wrongly accused me and my sister ( 16 ) of preforming in an act of incest. We've been together all of our lives and when my father claimed he saw me and my sister walk out of the same room together ( which we didn't I was in my room and my sister was upstairs using the bathroom, he assumed in his mind we were "doing something in there" Now my father is treating me and my sister like inmates in our home, he has cameras pinned all over and is watching us like convicted criminals & he will not let us defend our selves, he will not let us speak to one another, and we cannot " back talk " or he will take say we're being defiant and rude.

Now I will be forced to look guilty & I'm being sent to a military school for something I never did nor will I ever do. Thanks for reading.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 10, 2018:

getrecognized

I'm sorry to hear that you were accused for burning a hole in the countertop. Are there others living in the house? It's good that you read the bible. Jesus was accused, and put to death for something He didn't do. You are in good company.

getrecognized@gmail.com on April 09, 2018:

I have been asked for a fourth time now if I was the one who burned a hole in the counter top in the kitchen of the house where I rent a room, where in this kitchen, I am allowed to cook. Very disappointed as for the fourth year now I can't shine why this landlord seems to think I did it.

But I know the Bible says that it is the glory of man to overlook an offence. So, I fold there.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on April 07, 2018:

Emmyboy

Thanks a lot for being here. Nice comments.

Jessica Savage

This is not an easy question to answer. So unfair to you. You may want to seek the help of a counselor. I know how you feel. Your accuser needs professional help. So sorry about this, Jessica.

Jessica Savage on April 03, 2018:

I have a family member that meets this exactly. I know that you say you don't have prove your innocence, but this blamer accused me of sexual abuse in front of family, when she conducted the abuse against me and another family member. The blamer is a notorious manipulator and liar. As a teenager, she had fanatasies of being raped and asked a mutual aquatiance to rape her and has lied about being raped to others. A few years ago, via text to me, she accused her mother of molesting her youngest son. I feel as if I should defend myself via lawsuit bc of how if she tells others this lie it could affect my reputation, the matter is of moral turpitude, and SHE WAS THE ABUSER! Is your opinion/advice still the same?

Emmyboy from Nigeria on April 02, 2018:

I really enjoyed reading this.

Thanks for sharing.

Kane Gage on March 21, 2018:

Someone has accused me of cutting of cutting myself. this article has made me realize not to trust them or even care about them when they don't care about you. a good friend can turn on you. i'm never getting attached to someone as close to a best friend anymore. All i need is my girlfriend and the people that do already care about me

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on March 20, 2018:

Anamika

Just keep on being your honest self. If you can, pay no mind to what others say. The only thing that's really important is what you think about yourself. You are a beautiful light. Let it shine!

TammyR1313 on March 19, 2018:

The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

Renee on March 19, 2018:

The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on March 10, 2018:

Hi Grace

Your partner should stand by you, regardless of how his mother reacts to this accusation. If he isn't man enough to think more of the relationship than this, you deserve better and good riddance

You know what the truth is.

Good luck..

Grace on March 10, 2018:

Ok but what about if your partner and his mom blame you for the death of their dog (it's a shared custody sort of thing with the dog)? He left me with the dog for less than 2 hours and shortly after he got back the dog got really sick and died (the dog has had serious health issues recently). Just to note, I have a stomach ulcer and have been bedridden for the past 2 weeks and can barely walk out to the car (so I'm not really sure what I could've done). He told me to prepare for a fallout because his mom will definitely blame me and that it very well might ruin our relationship.

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on March 09, 2018:

Raymond

I'm sorry to hear this...there's nothing worse. Just continue to be a kind and honest person. Even when others are dead wrong in their accusations, you know different.

The core of protecting ourselves from a blamer is establishing and continually supporting an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

My best to you.

Raymond maxwell on March 07, 2018:

I'm battling people doing this to me in my home.,And I'm getting accused of everything Thanks for the advice

Audrey Hunt (author) from Idyllwild Ca. on February 19, 2018:

Nerdblade

Keep on being a good example for others. People can't accuse you if you don't do it...and even if they do...you know you are innocent and that's really what matters most.

Nerdblade on February 12, 2018:

ive been accused of cursing in my school and so many people are involved in it when i didn't wut do

girl on February 05, 2018:

thank you very very much

Ree on February 01, 2018:

I was recently slandered on fb, my name was defamed, this person claimed that I have given them an illness. They blasted it on a picturw post on fb. The talked about my success and seemed to be jealous that I had loved on in life. They used old information of a tragedy in my life and through it in the fire. Then theaters were made, but the key thing is they did this all through a fake page created to hide. If true why hide? What should I do? Ive been feeling down not getting any sleep, I took post down but the impression on my heart was left with a sting and my mind of who could have done this . how should I cope

Dessie on January 14, 2018:

I have being in a hed spin for the past 10 months in being blame in the wrong by my wife she abused me every day constantly lying and I knew something was very wrong your article on NPD gives me a better understanding it describes her very well if i didn't know better I could swear you were waiting about my wife married to her for 34 years can't go a other year it is worse then a deth

Thanks

Dessie