How to Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do

Updated on March 31, 2018
vocalcoach profile image

Audrey's burning desire to help others to respect and understand themselves led her to the study of psychology at UCLA.

"It's Not My Fault." -- Being the Victim of a Narcissistic Personality

Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive effect on you.

Unfortunately, I have a family member who fits this type of personality. It has taken me a lifetime to recognize that she lives with a mental disorder. I became a victim by buying in to her belief system. I accepted criticism and verbal abuse. I felt sorry for her because she had a rough childhood. I found myself walking on eggshells with every conversation.

Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends.

You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.

Don't become a victim of your accuser.
Don't become a victim of your accuser. | Source

The Truth Will Set You Free

At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair. And, it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we feel guilty.

Here's what you'll hopefully learn about in this article:

  • Why it's about the accuser and not you
  • Why all that matters is the truth
  • Being a victim of narcissistic personality
  • Knowledge is power when dealing with negative personalities
  • 7 key signs of a blamer
  • Narcissistic personality disorder criteria
  • The common body language of liars

The Accusation is a Reflection of Your Accuser, Not You

I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much. Even so, it is true.

Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend. They are miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgment and makeup lies about other people.

You Don't Need to Prove Your Innocence

You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

The Bible tells us to "Pray for those that despitefully use you." Whether you believe in the Holy Book or not, the advice is good. Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free. So try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.

Learning New Strategies for Dealing With Blamers

Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.

When I finally learned that I had been manipulated to believe that something was wrong with me I felt empowered with a sense of freedom. Though it wasn't easy to give up the close relationship between my sibling and me, it has been the best choice I ever made.

Armor yourself with knowledge. Like a bullet-proof vest, the toxic blame will bounce right off of you. The more aware you are, the better. You will avoid these types of relationships and save your self-esteem.

In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements", do not to take anything others say personally. This takes much practice but oh, my, you will feel empowered. You have the right to believe or not believe the opinions of others. And be careful of your own self-dialogue. Even the opinions you have about yourself may not be true.

So begin now to practice not taking anything personally. When you take things personally, you set yourself up to suffer. When we really see people for who they are, without taking it personally, we can never be hurt.

The best way of protecting ourselves from a blamer is to establish an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

The Blamer is a Champion Manipulator

Learn the 7 key signs of a blamer.  Armor yourself by learning all you can about narcissism.
Learn the 7 key signs of a blamer. Armor yourself by learning all you can about narcissism. | Source

7 Key Signs of a Blamer

The following list will help you identify the signs and behaviors of a blamer:

  1. Pessimism. Pessimism is one of the sure signs of a blamer. No matter how positive you are, they will always find something bad to happen. There's often no talking them out of their negative thinking.
  2. Making excuses. Blamers are always making excuses for their own actions. They are very good at this.
  3. Passing the blame. Blamers will tend to always pass the blame on to someone else, while never taking responsibility for their actions.
  4. Quick temperament. Being quick-tempered can be another sign to watch for. Blamers are known to have short fuses.
  5. Takes credit. A blamer always insists on credit for being right. Oh, how they love to shout, "I told you so!"
  6. Betrayal. Being trustworthy is not part of a blamer's character. They are typically back-stabbers. So, be very careful. If you don't want something you say to be repeated, then don't say it.
  7. Envy. Envy is the blamer's middle name. Any time you get something nice, they become angry and envious. This includes any success you might have. When you're sick or in pain, believe me -- they're happy. They may not realize this and in fact, will deny it. Then, when you feel great and positive again, they may immediately remind you that "soon, bad things will happen, so don't get too comfortable."

Beware of people who automatically assume the fault is yours. After all, it could never be their fault. By the way, these people also love to play mind games. They rehearse their entire dialogue so they will be prepared for your next conversation. It's a full-time job for them.

A Blamer Has A Quick Temper

A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse.
A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse. | Source

Narcissistic Behavior: "It's All About Me"

One way to spot a blamer is by narcissistic behavior. If the person demonstrates signs of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), blaming others for personal problems in life feels normal to them.

Learning all we can about narcissism is beneficial in two ways.

  1. It provides us with an understanding of the behavior itself. In turn, we are better prepared to cope and deal with the effects of this disorder.
  2. We may even recognize some signs of narcissism in our own personalities and take steps to correct it. With awareness and desire, combined with some hard work, this disorder can be overcome. Seek the help of a qualified doctor.

Extreme selfishness is a red flag for identifying narcissism. While most of us tend to be a little on the selfish side, those with NPD carry it to a whole different extreme.

Narcissists are preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and brilliance, along with a high sense of entitlement. They can be rude, arrogant and even abusive.

They are usually quite defensive and arrogant. You'll never begin to reason with them so don't even try.

Remember that this type of personality will throw the blame on you whenever it's convenient. The best defense is no defense. Learn to completely ignore a narcissist.

A reminder: "The greatest prize for life's labors isn't in material possessions or impressive accomplishments but in the progress of personal character. You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward. Who you become is your greatest possession, make it your masterpiece! " -- Matt Moody Ph.D., Social Psychologist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To give you more ammunition for how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do, listed below are criteria for NPD.

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance, exaggerating talents and achievements. Look for a feeling of superiority.
  • Hungers for excessive admiration and attention.
  • Has a sense of entitlement.
  • Displays arrogant behavior.
  • Really believes that others are jealous of them.
  • Lacks empathy for others.
  • Takes advantage of others to further self.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of power, love, or beauty.
  • Harbors feelings of jealousy

Three Rules to Help Protect You When Dealing With a Narcissist

I could have saved myself plenty of pain and stress if only I had learned years ago how to set boundaries for myself when dealing with a narcissist.

  • They are quick to blame others instead of taking responsibility. And they are champions at this. Be prepared.
  • Never confide or give too much personal information to this type of person. They'll use it as ammunition later when it's convenient.
  • Don't take anything they say personally. This isn't easy but it's necessary.

A person with NPD will not change so don't expect them to. Honor yourself by setting up boundaries.

Is That Person Lying to You? Check Their Body Language

If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, check their body language. While there may be exceptions to the following tips, these are used by police and investigators:

  • Check the eyes. If the person avoids eye contact, that's a clue that he or she may be lying.
  • Watch the gestures and expression. If the gestures and expression don't match the verbal dialogue, that's another sign. Example: "I like you," while frowning.
  • A guilty person will get defensive.
  • Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying.
  • Touching the nose often can be a sign of lying.
  • Covering the mouth indicates deceit.
  • Be aware of eye movement. The eyes move to the left during a lie.
  • Watch out for body movement. When a person tells the truth they tend to lean forward. When they tell a lie they tend to lean backward.
  • Watch hand, arm, and leg movements. When lying, these body movements are stiff and restricted.
  • Pay attention to too many details given. Liars tend to go on and on to get you to believe them.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed above can also be demonstrated by someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, or guilt-ridden for another reason, can have these same reactions.

In Conclusion

If we live in such a way that we exemplify complete honesty, we develop integrity. This is the best way to ward off being blamed or accused in the first place. Honesty begins in childhood. Children learn best by example. Teach your children and your grandchildren the value of always being truthful.

The title for this Hub was inspired by a post in the HubPages forum on the same subject. Remembering a time when I once took the blame for something I didn't do (it was traumatic for me), I decided to share my thoughts and write a Hub about how to deal with this problem. I hope you've found it helpful.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain

Disclaimer

Please note:

The above article is my own personal opinion and not meant to defame, purge, humiliate, and or injure anyone. My desire is to provide support and help to the reader.

Thank you for being here. I welcome your comments.

What to do when you're the target for blame.

It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything
It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything

This is Bill Eddy's book filled with lots of practical methods for handling High Conflict People (HCPs) in any setting, including neighbor disputes, workplace conflicts, family battles, with strangers, etc. HCPs target those close to them and people in positions of authority, so in this book Bill focuses on what to do when YOU are the Target of Blame—and how to avoid (or prevent) being one for long.

It is organized around 12 key Tips (5 Do’s and 7 Don’ts), that simplify large concepts into small, easy-to-remember phrases when you’re under the stress of a high conflict dispute. This book is for the general public, so you can give it to anyone.

 

Questions & Answers

    © 2012 Audrey Hunt

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 10 days ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        getrecognized

        I'm sorry to hear that you were accused for burning a hole in the countertop. Are there others living in the house? It's good that you read the bible. Jesus was accused, and put to death for something He didn't do. You are in good company.

      • profile image

        getrecognized@gmail.com 12 days ago

        I have been asked for a fourth time now if I was the one who burned a hole in the counter top in the kitchen of the house where I rent a room, where in this kitchen, I am allowed to cook. Very disappointed as for the fourth year now I can't shine why this landlord seems to think I did it.

        But I know the Bible says that it is the glory of man to overlook an offence. So, I fold there.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 weeks ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Emmyboy

        Thanks a lot for being here. Nice comments.

        Jessica Savage

        This is not an easy question to answer. So unfair to you. You may want to seek the help of a counselor. I know how you feel. Your accuser needs professional help. So sorry about this, Jessica.

      • profile image

        Jessica Savage 2 weeks ago

        I have a family member that meets this exactly. I know that you say you don't have prove your innocence, but this blamer accused me of sexual abuse in front of family, when she conducted the abuse against me and another family member. The blamer is a notorious manipulator and liar. As a teenager, she had fanatasies of being raped and asked a mutual aquatiance to rape her and has lied about being raped to others. A few years ago, via text to me, she accused her mother of molesting her youngest son. I feel as if I should defend myself via lawsuit bc of how if she tells others this lie it could affect my reputation, the matter is of moral turpitude, and SHE WAS THE ABUSER! Is your opinion/advice still the same?

      • Emmyboy profile image

        Emmyboy 2 weeks ago from Nigeria

        I really enjoyed reading this.

        Thanks for sharing.

      • profile image

        Kane Gage 4 weeks ago

        Someone has accused me of cutting of cutting myself. this article has made me realize not to trust them or even care about them when they don't care about you. a good friend can turn on you. i'm never getting attached to someone as close to a best friend anymore. All i need is my girlfriend and the people that do already care about me

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 4 weeks ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Anamika

        Just keep on being your honest self. If you can, pay no mind to what others say. The only thing that's really important is what you think about yourself. You are a beautiful light. Let it shine!

      • profile image

        TammyR1313 4 weeks ago

        The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

        I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

      • profile image

        Renee 4 weeks ago

        The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

        I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 6 weeks ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Hi Grace

        Your partner should stand by you, regardless of how his mother reacts to this accusation. If he isn't man enough to think more of the relationship than this, you deserve better and good riddance

        You know what the truth is.

        Good luck..

      • profile image

        Grace 6 weeks ago

        Ok but what about if your partner and his mom blame you for the death of their dog (it's a shared custody sort of thing with the dog)? He left me with the dog for less than 2 hours and shortly after he got back the dog got really sick and died (the dog has had serious health issues recently). Just to note, I have a stomach ulcer and have been bedridden for the past 2 weeks and can barely walk out to the car (so I'm not really sure what I could've done). He told me to prepare for a fallout because his mom will definitely blame me and that it very well might ruin our relationship.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 6 weeks ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Raymond

        I'm sorry to hear this...there's nothing worse. Just continue to be a kind and honest person. Even when others are dead wrong in their accusations, you know different.

        The core of protecting ourselves from a blamer is establishing and continually supporting an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

        My best to you.

      • profile image

        Raymond maxwell 6 weeks ago

        I'm battling people doing this to me in my home.,And I'm getting accused of everything Thanks for the advice

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Nerdblade

        Keep on being a good example for others. People can't accuse you if you don't do it...and even if they do...you know you are innocent and that's really what matters most.

      • profile image

        Nerdblade 2 months ago

        ive been accused of cursing in my school and so many people are involved in it when i didn't wut do

      • profile image

        girl 2 months ago

        thank you very very much

      • profile image

        Ree 2 months ago

        I was recently slandered on fb, my name was defamed, this person claimed that I have given them an illness. They blasted it on a picturw post on fb. The talked about my success and seemed to be jealous that I had loved on in life. They used old information of a tragedy in my life and through it in the fire. Then theaters were made, but the key thing is they did this all through a fake page created to hide. If true why hide? What should I do? Ive been feeling down not getting any sleep, I took post down but the impression on my heart was left with a sting and my mind of who could have done this . how should I cope

      • profile image

        Dessie 3 months ago

        I have being in a hed spin for the past 10 months in being blame in the wrong by my wife she abused me every day constantly lying and I knew something was very wrong your article on NPD gives me a better understanding it describes her very well if i didn't know better I could swear you were waiting about my wife married to her for 34 years can't go a other year it is worse then a deth

        Thanks

        Dessie

      • profile image

        joe 4 months ago

        My wife left me recently. Just walked out on me. I loved this woman and to e honest I still do. After reading your article I have changed and I better stay changed the way I think about her. We have only been married for 5 months but since we have met it has been one been argument after another. She always tells me and you can look in to her eyes and see the evil in her sometimes but she always says she is never wrong. With any fight we have ever fought she is not wrong. She has kept stuff like text and voice recordings when she was planning on leaving me and then she did with her ex-husband . I begged her to come back and cried night and day because I truly loved her. After her telling me to stay away in words I choose not to write I finally said fine I will. so I get on match. Its a dating site and found a really cool girl. Her dad is actually the screen writer for the movie Tombstone and many more. Anyway we hit it off and low and behold she catches wind of my happiness and starts calling and crying and begging me back. well I know I should have stayed and I regret every decision my heart made the day I did. So I left that girl and came back to ho is now my soon to be ex-wife. I forgot to mention after she found out about my happiness remember all the text she saved well when I initially told her I was not coming back to her she put me in jail for harassing communication of text messages when she left me for another man. again this is another HINT rt lol. so I go back to her and she turns in to this totally nice person but always blaming me or thinking I am cheating on her. really just sitting on my phone for hours at a time putting different tracker apps and just crazy stuff like this. She has always insisted he is not to blame. Even when I bust her in a lie she will not tell me she is sorry or its her fault. I have herd I sorry from her since I have known her. I also want to say I am not perfect by no means but I am really a happy guy and love to smile and make people smile. I am also a Sagittarius and I very honest and honestly does set you free but has gotten me in trouble a lot in my life time lol. Since the beginning of our relationship she was going through a better divorce and she was separated. I didn't know what this meant or even slightest worried about it at the time but 2 months into it fter having all these feeling for her. husband finds out and has us tracked on GPS and takes her twins away not for good but devastated her this is when she started acting nice than kicking me out and ignoring me just not saying anything getting me so upset. She is doing the same thing now for two months now I came home one day to find everything gone and the house she got from her other marriage she moved in to it but has been really treating me like evil. Nobody likes me anymore in her mom does not like me because she is saying bad things about me just really hurts. this was my only marriage. I only wanted one. I knew I should have never married her . I just didn't know that there were actually people with no hearts and blaming me for stuff I never did to her. when she finally answers my question of what I did she brings up stuff before we got married. always something different and always before we got married.than today she calls and I am just so excited she called and she was being nice I talked to her for 30 min all together and she kept bringing up if I was going to pay the car insurance. I said fine and pleaded with her cried to her asking if I could just see her. She said she needed to ask her mom. what? I thought you were 45 years old and you have to what. I was so excited about her being nice I dropped it well tried calling her back and she is ignoring me again. I have done everything for her work hard for her. She has told me I don't know how to be a provider and that I never helped pay any bills, She told me right in front of her friends that she wished she had a husband whio made more than she did. she has no job. only child support. That really hurt because all my money went to her. I pulled up bank statements showing her all my deposits in the account and she said those were not there before and accused me of changing bank statements really? lol I have a small business and make about 100k a year her husband before was rich and she always saifd she doesn't love for money but this I know is lie. these last months she has accused me of cheating againwith no proof and being home every night letting her go through my phone while I sleep. I am now at another house. I always told her she was bipolar but after reading your article I now know she is truly a Narcissist 100%. sorry so long and believe me this is not the extent of her madness and just plain not caring what so ever it is truly sad of her and still kills my heart knowing what I wish I would have known 2 years ago. I have been blaming myself knowing I was not wrong over and over. Thank you so much and sorry so long.

        Joe PS- I copied pasted and sent her this entire article everything you have described is a match of her behavior. I will say though when I am confronted with someone telling me I did something I know I didn't do. I get really defensive. and I will fight and fight but for some reason she is always rt and I always fall for her apologizing

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Mo

        I'm sorry about your situation. No one has the right to slap you - even your grandma. I hope things get better for you. Keep love in your heart.

        Dee

        Why did your daughter cut you and your husband off? Do you visit your grandchildren? They should not have to suffer the consequences of this situation. Counseling may be helpful if she agrees to this.

      • profile image

        Dee 4 months ago

        Thank You for writing back. My daughter is 36 years old, has 2 young girls (my granddaughters) and she has cut my husband and I off from them. It's been 51/2 months since our disagreement. We had it out b/c I finally told her I am sick of the way she treats me and she is angry b/c I did. She thinks she is absolutely justified. Could she be a narcissist?

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Dave

        I'm sorry to hear this and hope she will one day realize the error of her ways. Thanks.

        Salamander

        Good for you! It takes courage to break off a relationship with your sister. But you've been a whipping post long enough. I wish you the best. Thank you.

        Hi Dee

        Your daughter owes you respect. And you must respect yourself enough to refuse to accept her behavior. She needs to know that what she is saying to you is unacceptable. If she fails to learn this lesson her life will be miserable.

        Thank you Dee and I wish you the best.

      • profile image

        Dee 5 months ago

        My daughter is always talking down at me. Tells me I'm a terrible person. No matter what I do or say she puts me down and belittles me. Not in front of people. When it's just her and I. She thinks she is justified and I am so baffled. I just can't do anything right in her eyes. She talks about people all the time but is so nice to their face. Is she a narcissist or something else? I thought I was a good mother.

      • profile image

        Salamander 5 months ago

        I can really identify with what Dave writes. I have been a 'whipping girl' for my younger sister for as long as I can remember. But I am only now realising what has been going on. I have been so miserable because of the negativity when it is not in my nature to be negative. I am quite a bright, friendly & joyful person. I have tumbled to the realisation lately that my sister is joyless. There was a recent celebration which has brought our relationship dynamic to a head and it resulted in my decision to break with her because I felt our relationship was not good for me. I decided to look after myself and the only way I could do that was to withdraw from any contact with my sister. Sad, but self preservation was paramount. I am happy to make contact again when she has chosen to do some work on taking responsibility for her behaviour but until then I am not available as a sounding board for her rants and rages or as a scapegoat.

      • profile image

        Dave 5 months ago

        I had to let my sister go since she couldn't resist the temptation to deceive, manipulative and blaming behavior. It was a sad moment at 63 years old to accept that I just had to remove myself from her life and live my own.

      • profile image

        Venus Rosen 6 months ago

        My little sister keeps attacking me. Scratching me, Hitting me, Slapping me and when I give her a little tap she cries. {Fake crying}. I try to explain to my parents that my sister is being a liar. They don't believe me. I get scratches and red marks all over my arms when she attacks me but my parent's don't do anything. She would lie about certain things and I end up getting the blame. What do I do? I am scared of her and I think one day she might go too far and actually hurt me to the point I bleed.

      • profile image

        Mo 7 months ago

        My grandpa is racist and he's not biological grandpa and so my dad is Serbian and he called him Islamic and blamed it on me I think he forgot he said it and then I was like no grandma I didn't say that and then I got smacked so I just when with it

      • profile image

        John Fulkner 7 months ago

        Scare the Shit of him... give them a lesson of a time so they think 10 times before accusing, blaming or pointing a finger at you.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Jayne

        I commend you for honoring yourself. Letting go of negative people, especially if they are your family, is so difficult. But just look at the courage you have. You should be proud of yourself - I am. Thank you and best wishes for a happy life.

      • profile image

        Jayne 7 months ago

        Hi, well my story has been since I was small. I feel my parents couldn't handle my older sisters, so they ignored there nasty words to me and my little brother. Well I was abused at school to the point were I was so low. Of course it was my fault so everyone said. So life continued and unfortunately my little brother is no longer with us we will never know the truth but my older sisters blamed me and treated me with ruthless actions and words. It broke my heart that that I was suffering on the passing of my brother and felt like I was taking on there suffering again on also. I know this isn't normal also I stood up for myself and know they taught at all and have spread rumors about me and ridicule me to save face. I am wise and didn't take it as my ex was an nariccist and I stood up to him . So I have been thru a lot. I see the pattern and just walk away its hard but I'm happier, they even ran me down to people at the funeral. couldn't get any lower than that. I do love them but I don't like them anymore and will never be close to them, they just don't get it.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Glenn

        When others are in denial about this type of behavior there isn't much we can do. It's a sad state of affairs. We want to protect our friends from toxic people and it's disappointing when they don't listen. It takes courage to break off a life-long friendship even when go "south" so kudos to you!

      • Glenn Stok profile image

        Glenn Stok 8 months ago from Long Island, NY

        I had a friend who was like this. He was actually a life-long friend I knew since grade school. But in adult life he got worse and I considered him toxic and finally broke ties with him. Unfortunately many friends we have in common are still friends with him and fall prey to his shenanigans. They, themselves, are in denial and I can't reason with them.

      • profile image

        Vini sainudeen 8 months ago

        i am so revealed after reading this. It helped me to realize that I was in the right path when my teacher accused me. Thanks a lot dude.

      • profile image

        Curt dimi Grey 8 months ago

        Thank you, so much! This hub helps me to regain my strength and confidence after someone accused me of stealing her phone and it turns out that she frame me up for some amount that she needs.. I know that I can cope up with this through the help of our almighty GOD.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 9 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Anu

        I'm so sorry to hear your story. When you are blamed for something that is not your fault it's best to avoid trying to defend yourself. It does little good. Just walk away and say nothing or if you want to reply simply say "I'm not to blame." Try not to get into a discussion about the matter.

        Always live your life with integrity. By your actions you send a powerful message. Try not to replay hateful words of blame and labeling. You are a good person. Forgive others for the error of their ways and pay them no mind.

      • profile image

        Anu 9 months ago

        My mom told me I am not suppose to talk when she is talking.she accused me for something I didn't do,I let her say her parts and when I eventually wanted to claim my innocent she fired up and said I am talking,I am boiling over.then she said she thanked God I am not her first born she abused me for something that my twin sister did then she said I did something like that too.it was a simple thing like me telling the taxi driver to drive to the exact place we were going after I saw him trying to stop at the wrong destination my mom angrily said we Shud stop where the taxi driver had..that happened a year ago.she compared I and my twin sister to our elder sister saying they never gave her problems.she told me whether I liked it or not I would act as the society operate or else people would give me hell.(I am from Nigeria).She said if I don't do this I would eventually learn from my own story.i don't have any friends because I suffer from severe depression so I discussed sometimes with her.she used this to attack me my head is still swimming in disbelieve.she said I wasn't grateful that is why I told her I was depressed.she called me horrible things.i listened as she expected me to and felt like crying,all this because I tried to defend myself.when she went in for her prayers I heard her saying God should cast the evil spirit in my life away

      • profile image

        Julie 10 months ago

        I don't follow these "signs" of a liar. In my experience great liars are completely comfortable with their lies and you can't even tell. Half the time they actually believe it. I have been accused of things my whole life by horrible people and part of being shy and tired of being accused are "not looking in the eyes" "getting defensive." It's stressful. You can feel the build of how the person perceives you even when you've done nothing wrong, because it's this chain that other ppl have made you out to be and they feel they too should interrogate you. It's like not being able to breath and nothing you do right matters, but you just keep hoping that one day, oh but oh no, because you don't have a decent support system you're just barely getting by and who do you end up near when trying to build your life up and you're still in college?? Mentally ill people who weren't successful and try to take advantage of you and add on to the framing and issues. Fucking leave me the fuck alone. I can't wait until the day I have my diploma and a career and I can leave all the neigh sayers behind. I only hope all the anxiety I've felt since I was born wont haunt me in difficult situations at my job..there's mentally ill and then there's a bad environment. And the ladder sucks, because no matter how hard you work, no one believes in you.

      • profile image

        John 11 months ago

        "A guilty person will get defensive.

        Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying"

        You clearly have never been accused of a crime you didn't commit. The feeling is a mix of fury and tears. If you can manage to keep your cool, humor and sarcasm is an amazing way to show to accuser their folly without hurting their ego.

      • profile image

        Chris the best 11 months ago

        Audrey, I am in 6th grade and my friend has always blamed stuff on me, and my mom says I am a liar. She doesn't trust me anymore and she is going to send me to a different school. Please give me advice.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 11 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Daisy Starr 77

        Welcome to hub pages. I'm eager to read your articles. Now about this person who is giving you a hard time. If she's treating you this way now, it will probably get worse. Do you want this negative, time-consuming energy in your life?

        Save your kindness for people who appreciate you. You deserve better treatment. So glad this article has helped you. Thanks.

      • profile image

        Angel 11 months ago

        I'm a 7th grader with good grades but one day I skipped school on Friday and some boys were stealing and they blamed it on me and my other 2 friends, I know its a lie why would I do such a thing like that? I don't even talk to the 2 boys that blamed it on me and my friends. now the cops are looking for me, getting information of me, looking for my address and wanting me to go to court. what do I do? I'm a really nervous person near or with cops. Please help!!

      • profile image

        DaisyStarr79 11 months ago

        Hello! I just joined this site as member because I can related this article. Not long ago, I had really bad argument with my close friend. I made mistake to co sign with this friend to get a nice car. Then she is thinking about trade her car to mid-size suv. I felt that I helped her to find car almost two years ago and I felt she doesn't really appreciated me. So I didn't attack her anything. I used win-win situation and I encouraged her to trade with her car but it has to be without my name. I thought it was good idea because if she trade in without my name then I wouldn't be stuck with her for another five years on her car. She felt I pushed her. She decided to use silent treatment on me. It drives me crazy. It is like she is punishing me. I wasn't used to that. I did trying to reach out to her and want to have peace with her. I found a way to contact to email her. I asked her in a good way to solve issues with me. I told her I missed our friendship. I accidentally say I saw her daughter video on Facebook from one of my friends shared on news and also told her that she must be really proud of her. She just automatically blamed me for stalking her. She said she blocked me on her Facebook so she doesn't want me to find more information about her and her kids. I got mad and I decieded to ask her mom, her brother, and her close friend to unfriend with me to show her that I'm not stalker at all. Then she said I made it worst. All I want is to work it out with her. I read this article. I just learned "blaming" is one of the narcissist traits. Also I learned "silent treatment" is one of the narcissist too. I learned a lot lately from internet.

      • profile image

        Jim Monaghan 12 months ago

        My old girlfriend swears that i hacked into her computer and families and ruined there life's. I love these people and would never do that plus I DON'T no how to even send email im computer stupid PLESE HELP ME

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 12 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Hi Susan

        I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Hold on. You realize you are not to blame. Continue doing the right thing and be the bigger person. One day, it will pay off. You've already suffered plenty. Stop giving your accuser the power to control you by harboring anger. Time to let it go and move on. Good luck!

      • profile image

        Ben Kolthammer 12 months ago

        im ten years old ( as you can see from lack of punctuation) and i found this article amazing i was framed for beating the crap outta someone and i used this and found out that it was definately a lie the whole time

      • profile image

        Susan Y Barbato 14 months ago

        Omg! This was just unbelievable ! I have been going through this so long and I have been charged with assault and I am the victim of th type of person. She came at me yelling and I defended my self. I ended up with a broken nose and charged!Does not make sense. And all of my lifes property she has taken. Can you please help me out in some way?

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 14 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        PK

        Being blamed for something we didn't do is usually not about us. Regardless of what someone says or accuses us of doing we can learn to not take it personally. Is this easy? No. But it is possible. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a rough time. I send you good thoughts and wish you the best in your future.

      • profile image

        PK 14 months ago

        I am very troubled as the person who blames me is the person I love most, my mother. Through my childhood and her divorce, we have been through a lot together and always supported each other. Ever since my dad left and I came back from finishing undergrad, my Mom has been blaming me for anything and everything from the smallest things to all that has gone wrong in life whether it be losing my job in the Great Recession, delay in finishing my Master's, or her job dissatisfaction. She exhibits almost all the symptoms and body language pointed out in your article, lying so often to the point she can no longer differentiate between the truth and her fantasy lies. Once known for my "disgustingly optimistic" [:-)] and positive nature, I have lost that hope and drive, and I am unable to focus at school and work. She blames me for not spending enough time with her, so I take out time I had set aside for work, studies, and pretty much cutting off my social life to be with her, but then she continues to blame me for the same thing. After reading your article, I realize I spent too much effort trying to prove my innocence by keeping time logs, keeping my location history via mobile tracking, but she just dismisses all the evidence or changes the topic. I am unable to focus with so much blame, negativity, and toxicity at home. I don't know what to do. My current contract is ending, so I need to look for a job and this is the last chance for me to complete my degree. I am at the brink of losing my whole career if nothing is done soon. I can't leave or avoid her as she is very dependent on me, emotionally and physically.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 14 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        jaxx

        It's human nature to become defensive when blamed for something we didn't do. So sorry to know this happened to you.

      • profile image

        Jaxx 14 months ago

        I got defensive when I was accused for the second time. I absolutely did not do what I was accused of.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 14 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        lady poppy

        You've sure put up with a lot. Sounds to me like he is one insecure man. Hope it all works out for you.

      • profile image

        lady poppy 15 months ago

        Yes I have suffered under a toxic relationship with a man for over 12 years...who displays the above...who continually has blamed me for his misdemeanours...I gave my heart and soul to this man.. I left a beautiful home and my son for this man because he promised me love and a future...i never felt a love like it..I truly fell for him hook line and sinker...he wasnt good looking..he wasnt wealthy...he was very over weight ...but I adored him...my friends dint take to him..and thought I was off my rocker...but they could see I adored him,and as long as I was happy the accepted him...but he kept hurting me with his womanising ( saying that he did it when we werent seeing each other) which was a darn right lie...it continued for years into our relationship..I kept forgiving him..I know stupid...but I loved him...and he behaved for years then he did it again 2 years ago...and then out of the blue admitted what had happened and he regretted it...he always blamed me by saying that he didnt think I was serious about him...FFS!!! I lost a lot of money over him because he wanted to live in France..his dream..and I wanted to make it happen...so I bought the house...it then took me years to get back and whilst there waiting for him to come out I lived in a hell hole...always blaming me that it was my fault...so I came back...and he was hell to live with...he blamed me again...saying it was me...when actually I was walking on egg shells every day wondering what kind of mood he was going to be in when he got home from work...what an idiot I have been ..wasted so many of my years of my life....he is now on his own...not working...because he cause rifts at work and no one likes him..he has turned good friends away...he doesnt speak to his adult children,making excuses it is them that have turned against him...the saga goes on and I stuck it with him to help I thought..but he sucks me in with telling me he loves me then spits me out...I am a lovely lady who is a homemaker...genuine with so many friends...I am honest and trustworthy...why did I deserve this behaviour...I really tried I really tried ...so reading this blog spells it out very clearly for me...but why are there people like this in this world??

      • profile image

        bicol 15 months ago

        at school i got blamed for bulling someone. i know who did it and i told the teacher who did it but that personlied again and said they did not do it what do i do?

      • profile image

        Ron 15 months ago

        I've been avoiding accepting this behavior from the woman I fell in love with and reading this information is difficult to realize I have to let go and take care of myself.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 18 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Thank you for reading my hub. I look forward to seeing you again.

      • profile image

        LVJ 19 months ago

        I really don't see what a story book has to do with any of this quite honestly...

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Rangoon House

        Thank you so much for reading this and commenting. To love and trust others isn't always easy. Especially when the tables are turned and that trust is broken.

        Still, the reward for loving even those that tell lies about us, is deeper happiness. Forgiveness lightens our own burdens.

        Come back soon.

        Audrey

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Lady Guinevere

        Thanks for trying to post my hub on face book. I think sometimes both hubpages and facebook get some kind of a glitch and everything goes wrong. But glad you were able to post on your blog. I'll check it out.

        This 'sign in' business is ridiculous. What next?

      • profile image

        Rangoon House 20 months ago

        Thank you for your insight Audrey. Dealing with all the different personality and character types can make interaction a mine field. I guess we all have to love and trust until proven wrong, and hope that time of judgement won't happen, but it's good to have some prior understanding.

      • profile image

        ladyguinevere45@gmail.com 20 months ago

        I don't know what happened on FaceBook and took this link down, but I still have it on my blog post. I just thought that you would like to know that.

        What is this sign in stuff now. I am already signed into my account.

      • Lady Guinevere profile image

        Debra Allen 20 months ago from West By God

        Your hub or hubpages has malware in it. I am doing a whole computer virus scan right now. I could not get on Face Book after sharing this hub. I don't know what to tell you but it needs to be fixed somehow. I don't understand why HP would allow this and not tell you about it.

      • Lady Guinevere profile image

        Debra Allen 20 months ago from West By God

        Well I have other family members that do believe me and they are outraged at how I am being treated. Thit in itself is comfort enough. I am going to add your article to my latest blog post and I hope that those who do read my life story will also read this here as well. I am not supposed to mention my mom or that I even have a mom and...they have wped me off their world. She also told me to to write or say anything, not just about her (which I hadn't before this) on Fasce Book or asnywehre on the computer. If she had her way I wouldn't even have a computer. I have had many ask me why I tokk my story off of HP and wehre did I put it and I tell them becasue they do want to read it. Sometimes and some people have thought that I am just angry and self absorbed, but my story only reflects how I have been treated. Some day I will write another chapter with all the things that I have learned about myself and why I do the things that I do. I have learned much. If you would like to read all my chapters and especially the last one you will find it on blogger at: A Life To Learn Not sure if you allow links.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Hi Lady

        So very sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something you didn't do. Hold your head high knowing you are innocent. Be the bigger person in your family. Show them by examples of love, patience and self-respect that they made a terrible mistake.

        Thanks for attempting to pin my hub. I wonder why it was blocked as spam?

      • Lady Guinevere profile image

        Debra Allen 20 months ago from West By God

        I tried to pin this and was stopped because they said that they blockied it because it may lead to spam.

      • Lady Guinevere profile image

        Debra Allen 20 months ago from West By God

        When I wrote about my life, my mother and daughters said some really nasty things about me. My mother has blamed me for many thing. I wrote my life in a blog. People kept telling me that they thought that she has a mental disorder and so I didn't believe it. Hey, it is my family and not someone else doing this. Little did I know, but all the things in this are pointing to the fact that she may have one of those and my 2 daughters are toting her stuff and blaming me for things that I have never done too. Not only have I never done them, I wasn't anywhere near or even knew the people that I was said to have done anything with or about. I ended up changing my blog to appease her and then some of my internet frieds told me that I should not have had the urge to do it. They were right. I had to make the painful decision to not talk to my mother and daughters anymore. It is a very painful situation.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Sadly I agree with you. Mental disorders seem to be at an all time high. Narcissism tops the list. Thank you for being here.

      • jtrader profile image

        jtrader 20 months ago

        Good points for people who have suffered at the hands of blamers who sometimes are sadists too. It is unfortunate but I honestly believe the number of people in our society with this type of mental disorder (narcissism) is increasing.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 21 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Colorfulone

        Thanks for giving my article a thumbs up. Eliminating people from our lives who bring us unhappiness is a healthy step towards a more fulfilling way to live. Sometimes this is a difficult thing to do. Good for you!

        Stella

        Hello. Thank you for reading my article and for the great comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You've made a good promise to yourself. I'm with you all the way!

        Happy days Stella.

        Audrey

      • profile image

        stella 22 months ago

        This is a great article about nacissistic personality disorder. I vow nerver to get in this kind of situation again. I did that with my first marriage and have learned to live without that Joy and Happiness. Stella

      • colorfulone profile image

        Susie Lehto 22 months ago from Minnesota

        I could have used this information years ago. Thankfully, I did eliminate some people from my life and I'm happy, and they aren't. Very good article, vocalcoach.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Hi Nadine

        What a pleasure to see you! These types of personalities are impossible to live with (I tried for 4 long years.) You just can't win regardless of how hard you try.

      • Nadine May profile image

        Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

        Wow I must share this article with my partner who has a son-in-law who is just like you described: A Narcissistic Personality with at least 6 of the 8 symptoms that you mentioned. I stay calm just smile and listen when he is around, which very very seldom.Thank goodness. He is never aware about others their ideas or interest and never asks anyway. What a bore. I often wonder what lessons his wife is needing to learn. I know that for me I have to focus on anything that might be positive in him, or stay silent.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Thanks bretto. Actually this article is not about the disorder itself but how to "Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do." I suggest doing search for the disorder itself.

      • profile image

        bretto 2 years ago

        Nice article but you didn't put in here how to help a person with this disorder

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Sam - Yes...it's too bad that others don't believe us when we are innocent.

        Thank you for being here and I invite you to visit my other articles.

        Zhfz - I understand how difficult it is to grow up with being blamed and explain later. It's not fair. Still you have grown to rise above the unfairness. You write english well and keep writing my friend. Thank you!

      • Zhfz profile image

        Zainol Hafz 2 years ago

        Since i was a child being blamed and punished are the only things that i can recalled and until today the blamed never stop. The only thing changes now is how I view it as opporturnity rather than misery. Somehow 'punished first ask never' was my life theme and being misunderstood is a daily task.

        What I wasnt realized, Its develop my maturity faster and throughout the hardship, and now I work with the same qualification and level with the people who works 20years earlier than me. Nevertheless, most of my surbordinate now are develop greatly and majority are older than me. Its might looks as i got a big jackpot to others but Its the rewards for my past endurance.

        All im saying, for who are googling for this article. Its not easy and when I was strugling, I know i wished someone who atleast understand my situation as a guide, I almost drown to my doom several times to end this misery. In contrary of what the norm being pushed to depression state, most of the time I look normal and the only times which you can see I looked like a mess is when no one around.

        All I can say is only you can make it better. If you are strugling and want to talk to someone or want to know what im going thru and how I get around just cntact me .

        P/S English not my native language but Ill try my best to communicate :) and one thing I believe as growing up. Everybody has their own part of the blame it not your fault if they cant see it and be grateful that you able to see it, you can stop doing it to others.

      • profile image

        sam 2 years ago

        you sum times gait blamed for something and some people don't bi live you

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        pojoi - Thank you for reading my article. YOU are truly a diamond and nev er doubt that you are. I feel a connection to you and am grateful to have found you on HP. I'm eager now to look at your hubs and intend to visit you right now!

        My best to you, new friend.

        Audrey

      • profile image

        pojo1 2 years ago

        Thanks Audrey...it is a beautiful article.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        polo1

        Jealousy is destructive, forcing the person to lie and go to any lengthi to 'punish' the guilty transgressor. They are a victim of their own low-esteem.While their unjustified blame causes the innocent person to live forever with a new found mis-trust. So sorry this happened. And sad that you have been left in a position of high-alert.

        I have an article I'd like you to read. The words "you are a diamond" are in the title.

        Thank you.

        Audrey

      • profile image

        pojo1 2 years ago

        Thank you Audrey...you are very kind. After days of conversing back and forth I feel he is ready to put this behind him. He told me he's very jealous and that he honestly believes that I was flirting with this man, which is simply not true! I spoke to this employee literally for ten seconds for a brand of popcorn! After this traumatic episode, I'm on high alert for years to come...he truly broke my trust with his strange behavior. I know see he has deep mental issues that can appear at anytime. Hopefully won't see it happen for another 10 years!

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        I'm so very sorry to hear about the unfair treatment of your husband. He obviously is looking for a reason to leave the marriage. It's not your fault. I'm also sorry that you've had to go through breast cancer. I wish you a healthey recovery and happiness in your future. You can move on and go forward knowing you have done nothing wrong. Write me anytime. I am always here for you for support.

        Audrey

      • profile image

        pojo1 2 years ago

        I recently was accused of something i didn't do..my husband and I were in the grocery store and were in separate aisles while I was looking for a special brand of popcorn that only he eats. While I was looking there was a very tall male employee hovering over me which made it quite hard to find the right brand..at this point he asked me if he could help me so I said yes and gave him the name of the popcorn and that's it. So husband storms out of the store and accuses me of flirting with this employee for 4 long minutes, where in fact it was literally a ten second conversation. In the car ride home, he yelled and screamed and told me that I'm just like my sister and that I'm a cheat, liar and ingrate. I pleaded with him that he's mistaken and that he should even review the store video but nothing changed his mind. As of now he has not spoken to me and has moved out of the house. I am completely shocked with his strange behavior and can't understand why he is doing this to me. I have never done him wrong in our 10 years of marriage. I am recovering from aggressive breast cancer and he has been here for me through this 24/7...in a matter of fact I haven't even had reconstructive surgery yet. I can't imagine what is going through his head and as it seems he wants nothing to do with me and has cut off all communication. I am completely devastated.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        melissacombs - I'm very sorry to hear about your dilemma. Thank you for reading my article and leaving a reply. Helping your parents to change behavior patterns is not your responsibility - it's theirs. I wish you the best.

      • profile image

        melissacombs 2 years ago

        Hi I never knew how sick my family was until they started lying about me in order for mental hospitals to keep me. That's just crazy and the workers believe them. I am still in mental treatment for false accusations. I live with my parents and they use the shit out of me and walk all over me. I feel like I can't disassociate because they are poor and couldn't make it without me but they do take advantage. I don't know how to help my parents and the mental workers who became victims for believing them. I don't want to tell anyone I'm afraid they would go to jail. So I just let them rule over me with lies lies nothing but lies.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        brie - I'm sorry to hear this. I hope this article has helped and that you are dealing with the situation. It hurts to be blamed for something that you didn't do.

      • profile image

        brie 2 years ago

        I've been blamed for something so horrible .

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Blamee - Thank you for reading my article. I appreciate your comments and hope to see you again.

        Audrey

      • profile image

        Blamee 2 years ago

        Impossible to live in complete honesty. Your article pretty much pointed out he obvious w/o any real advice or helpful hints. This wasn't helpful.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Hello Satish - Glad you found this hub on google and that it helped you. I'm sorry you were blamed for something you didn't do. This happens quite often to people. Peace and joy to you.

      • profile image

        Satish 3 years ago

        Thanks for sharing I been blamed for something I am not I felt bad and do not know how to react so searched in google. It helped me lot

      • profile image

        Zane 3 years ago

        i got on netflix and found out some one was watching sex based shows on my acount i have that feeling that it was my sister or here friend thay slept over and them being 16 and 17 i got that feeling it was them being a christian i was like how mature having a wife my sister blames me im just messed up my wife is almost at divorce point?!?!?! i used the lyeing arms and hands still dident work?

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Pwise

        You've been living with a difficult situation. Being blamed for something you didn't do is painful. Knowing that my article has helped you brings me a feeling of gratitude. How kind of you to share this with me.

        One day his sister will indeed see through all the lies but until that time, you are respecting yourself by staying honest and truthful. How proud of you I am. Loving yourself is a healthy way to go and will empower you as you strive to go forward.

        Peace to you. Audrey Hunt

      • profile image

        Pwise 3 years ago

        Thank you for this. Also a light bulb moment! It makes so much sense! I am also a victim of this. And am currently trying to learn not to be. After a v difficult breakup last Xmass I have tried my best to keep the family together ie: his parents & sister but his mum is one of these people u describe no matter how hard Iv tried she is v irrational and hurtful and does these things In front of my 6 year old son which upsets him. She uses her own daughter who for the last 19 year has basically been my sister. His mum lies saying Iv said things which I haven't makes things up and assumes things without talking with me! This has sent her own daughter into depression as she loves my gorgeous son deeply. His sister naturally wants to believe her mum and is finding it very difficult believing what she is doing so disappears to her Lonely London flat on her own. It's heartbreaking! The ex knows she is doing this but hides and runs away from it all. Again thank you for this post as it has made me realise all I can do is stay honest and truthful and hope that one day his sister will see through all the lies as it is impossible for me to avoid this person in my life. Again thank you!

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Joss,

        Have you tried talking to him? It may be worth the effort to ask him why he is accusing you of this action. At least he will know that you are aware of his false accusation. He will probably stop after you confront him.

        Sorry this has happened to you. Let me know how it goes.

      • profile image

        Joss 3 years ago

        I have a problem, a boy at my school has accused me of pushing him down a flight of steps and then kicking him and he is everything on here.

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        rds

        Thank you for being here. I appreciate your comments. Yes, standing up for what's right shows good character. You must defend yourself under the right circumstances.

      • profile image

        rds 3 years ago

        Great post. .. but ppl.. please stop saying if ur guilty you will get defensive. ..i have fought for my innocence for years. .. sometimes you stand up for what's right. ..ty...

      • vocalcoach profile image
        Author

        Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        Makeitcount

        Thank you for being here and for sharing your story. It will certainly be a big help to others. You are kind to let me know that my article has helped to turn your disappointment into a constructive path for you to take. This is important to me. I wish you continued growth in this area and invite you to look at my other articles as well. Live with joy! Audrey (vocalcoach)

        Hi Andrew

        I remember you from some of my other hubs. It's good to see you again. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I agree that nobility is always best. Joy to you! Audrey (vocalcoach)

      • profile image

        Andrew 3 years ago

        my humble opinion for probably the best way to react is to remain unfettered and unaffected. Yes, there may be drama and finger pointing even when it's not one's fault, but we can choose not to be. bottom line, I think it is best for everyone by conducting oneself in a more 'noble' manner.

        A.

        https://plus.google.com/+AndrewTingLive/posts

      working