How to Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do

Updated on September 25, 2018
vocalcoach profile image

Audrey's burning desire to help others to respect and understand themselves led her to the study of psychology at UCLA.

"It's Not My Fault." -- Being the Victim of a Narcissistic Personality

Chronic blaming is a form of emotional abuse. It often hurts just as much as physical pain does. We feel helpless over the blamer and a certain fear sets in.

Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive effect on you.

Unfortunately, I have a family member who fits this type of personality. It has taken me a lifetime to recognize that she lives with a mental disorder. I became a victim by buying into her belief system. I accepted criticism and verbal abuse. I felt sorry for her because she had a rough childhood. I found myself walking on eggshells with every conversation.

Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends.

You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.

Don't become a victim of your accuser.
Don't become a victim of your accuser. | Source

The Truth Will Set You Free

At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair. And, it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we feel guilty.

Here's what you'll hopefully learn about in this article:

  • Why it's about the accuser and not you
  • Why all that matters is the truth
  • Being a victim of narcissistic personality
  • Knowledge is power when dealing with negative personalities
  • 7 key signs of a blamer
  • Narcissistic personality disorder criteria
  • The common body language of liars

The Accusation is a Reflection of Your Accuser, Not You

Let's face it. Being blamed for something you are innocent of hurts. But truth is the one thing that survives after all time and recriminations have past. I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much. Even so, it is true.

Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend. They are miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgment and makeup lies about other people.

You Don't Need to Prove Your Innocence

You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

The Bible tells us to "Pray for those that despitefully use you." Whether you believe in the Holy Book or not, the advice is good. Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free. So try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.

Learning New Strategies for Dealing With Blamers

Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.

When I finally learned that I had been manipulated to believe that something was wrong with me I felt empowered with a sense of freedom. Though it wasn't easy to give up the close relationship between my sibling and me, it has been the best choice I ever made. I no longer need the approval of that particular sibling to know that I have value.

Armor yourself with knowledge. Like a bullet-proof vest, the toxic blame will bounce right off of you. The more aware you are, the better. You will avoid these types of relationships and save your self-esteem.

In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements", do not to take anything others say personally. This takes much practice but oh, my, you will feel empowered. You have the right to believe or not believe the opinions of others. And be careful of your own self-dialogue. Even the opinions you have about yourself may not be true.

So begin now to practice not taking anything personally. When you take things personally, you set yourself up to suffer. When we really see people for who they are, without taking it personally, we can never be hurt.

The best way of protecting ourselves from a blamer is to establish an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

The Blamer is a Champion Manipulator

Learn the 7 key signs of a blamer.  Armor yourself by learning all you can about narcissism.
Learn the 7 key signs of a blamer. Armor yourself by learning all you can about narcissism. | Source

7 Key Signs of a Blamer

The following list will help you identify the signs and behaviors of a blamer:

  1. Pessimism. Pessimism is one of the sure signs of a blamer. No matter how positive you are, they will always find something bad to happen. There's often no talking them out of their negative thinking.
  2. Making excuses. Blamers are always making excuses for their own actions. They are very good at this. They will rarely take responsibility for their behavior.
  3. Passing the blame. Blamers will tend to always pass the blame on to someone else, while never taking responsibility for their actions.
  4. Quick temperament. Being quick-tempered can be another sign to watch for. Blamers are known to have short fuses.
  5. Takes credit. A blamer always insists on credit for being right. Oh, how they love to shout, "I told you so!"
  6. Betrayal. Being trustworthy is not part of a blamer's character. They are typically back-stabbers. So, be very careful. If you don't want something you say to be repeated, then don't say it.
  7. Envy. Envy is the blamer's middle name. Any time you get something nice, they become angry and envious. This includes any success you might have. When you're sick or in pain, believe me -- they're happy. They may not realize this and in fact, will deny it. Then, when you feel great and positive again, they may immediately remind you that "soon, bad things will happen, so don't get too comfortable."

Beware of people who automatically assume the fault is yours. After all, it could never be their fault. By the way, these people also love to play mind games. They rehearse their entire dialogue so they will be prepared for your next conversation. It's a full-time job for them.

A Blamer Has A Quick Temper

A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse.
A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse. | Source

Narcissistic Behavior: "It's All About Me"

One way to spot a blamer is by narcissistic behavior. If the person demonstrates signs of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), blaming others for personal problems in life feels normal to them.

Learning all we can about narcissism is beneficial in two ways.

  1. It provides us with an understanding of the behavior itself. In turn, we are better prepared to cope and deal with the effects of this disorder.
  2. We may even recognize some signs of narcissism in our own personalities and take steps to correct it. With awareness and desire, combined with some hard work, this disorder can be overcome. Seek the help of a qualified doctor.

Extreme selfishness is a red flag for identifying narcissism. While most of us tend to be a little on the selfish side, those with NPD carry it to a whole different extreme.

Narcissists are preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and brilliance, along with a high sense of entitlement. They can be rude, arrogant and even abusive.

They are usually quite defensive and arrogant. You'll never begin to reason with them so don't even try.

Remember that this type of personality will throw the blame on you whenever it's convenient. The best defense is no defense. Learn to completely ignore a narcissist.

A reminder: "The greatest prize for life's labors isn't in material possessions or impressive accomplishments but in the progress of personal character. You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward. Who you become is your greatest possession, make it your masterpiece! " -- Matt Moody Ph.D., Social Psychologist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To give you more ammunition for how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do, listed below are criteria for NPD.

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance, exaggerating talents and achievements. Look for a feeling of superiority.
  • Hungers for excessive admiration and attention.
  • Has a sense of entitlement.
  • Displays arrogant behavior.
  • Really believes that others are jealous of them.
  • Lacks empathy for others.
  • Takes advantage of others to further self.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of power, love, or beauty.
  • Harbors feelings of jealousy
  • They are seldom, if ever, wrong.

Three Rules to Help Protect You When Dealing With a Narcissist

I could have saved myself plenty of pain and stress if only I had learned years ago how to set boundaries for myself when dealing with a narcissist.

  • They are quick to blame others instead of taking responsibility. And they are champions at this. Be prepared.
  • Never confide or give too much personal information to this type of person. They'll use it as ammunition later when it's convenient.
  • Don't take anything they say personally. This isn't easy but it's necessary.

A person with NPD will not change so don't expect them to. Honor yourself by setting up boundaries.

Is That Person Lying to You? Check Their Body Language

If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, check their body language. While there may be exceptions to the following tips, these are used by police and investigators:

  • Check the eyes. If the person avoids eye contact, that's a clue that he or she may be lying.
  • Watch the gestures and expression. If the gestures and expression don't match the verbal dialogue, that's another sign. Example: "I like you," while frowning.
  • A guilty person will get defensive.
  • Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying.
  • Touching the nose often can be a sign of lying.
  • Covering the mouth indicates deceit.
  • Be aware of eye movement. The eyes move to the left during a lie.
  • Watch out for body movement. When a person tells the truth they tend to lean forward. When they tell a lie they tend to lean backward.
  • Watch hand, arm, and leg movements. When lying, these body movements are stiff and restricted.
  • Pay attention to too many details given. Liars tend to go on and on to get you to believe them.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed above can also be demonstrated by someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, or guilt-ridden for another reason, can have these same reactions.

In Conclusion

If we live in such a way that we exemplify complete honesty, we develop integrity. This is the best way to ward off being blamed or accused in the first place. Honesty begins in childhood. Children learn best by example. Teach your children and your grandchildren the value of always being truthful.

The title for this Hub was inspired by a post in the HubPages forum on the same subject. Remembering a time when I once took the blame for something I didn't do (it was traumatic for me), I decided to share my thoughts and write a Hub about how to deal with this problem. I hope you've found it helpful.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain

Always Do Your Best No Matter What

Regardless of the circumstances do your very best.  After I lost my beautiful son to cancer I asked myself, "How do I go on?"  This is when I decided to do my very best.
Regardless of the circumstances do your very best. After I lost my beautiful son to cancer I asked myself, "How do I go on?" This is when I decided to do my very best. | Source

Just Do Your Best

I'd like to share a simple but powerful thought written by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements:

"Just do your best - in any circumstance in your life. It doesn't matter if you are sick or tired if you always do your best there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don't judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment. By always doing your best, you will break a big spell that you have been under."

I challenge you to read this several times. Every time you do, this message will become more ingrained and you will learn something new and valuable. Set yourself free of all guilt regardless of where the blame comes from by always doing your best.

Questions & Answers

© 2012 Audrey Hunt

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    • profile image

      Mark Famez 

      3 weeks ago

      You having any problems in your relationship and you wish to know about your partner activity on he's or her phone....i can gurante you to contact cyberhost998 via gmail dot com

      He help me out during my struggling time in my home

    • profile image

      Confused 

      4 weeks ago

      Audrey,

      5 yrs ago I left my husband. We had 4 children at the time. I always felt like there was something off about the things he said and did to me, but was never able to label what it was. One day, I was talking to my sister, and she said the word narcissist. I had no idea what it meant and I commenced to researching narcissism, narcissistic abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, ect. I was absolutely convinced that all of it was exactly what I was going thru. I always thought that abuse had to be physical before I felt it was bad enough to leave, although he has never put his hands on me ever. I didn't have a plan but at the time I had family willing to help and they did, and I left for three months before going back. During this three months I was talking to other men (not sleeping with any of them). I had no plans to go back to my husband when I left, but during this time my husband made it clear how much he loved me and I fell for it hook line and sinker. After going back, the abuse was worse...it lasted for about 6 months. Questioning, accusing, badgering, threatening to take the kids, the manipulation, talking to me while I was sleeping, ignoring me, keeping me up all night long for days, telling me I was going to get pregnant (and I did) or he would divorce me, coming up with fake evidence that I slept with someone. He made me feel crazy. I was four months pregnant when it finally came to somewhat of a halt It stayed calm for four years, I mean Ive had to deal with some ridiculous rules like no smart phones, no internet in the house, no contact with family (another long story), for a long time not working or going to the store without him, even limiting my makeup usage. Now four yrs later, we are back at it again. We finally got smart phones and internet in the house so I can homeschool the kids and I am working. Ive done nothing wrong and admitted to talking to other men when we were split up (and hes talked to these men). He claims he saw a naked photo of me on a nasty website, even showed it to me...I knew it wasn't me when he accused me of it because ive done nothing wrong, but when he showed it to me I was absolutely shocked that he didn't see it wasn't me! So, then he brings up what happened 4 yrs ago and want to know who I slept with and I held to the truth, NO ONE! But he claims to have all of this evidence and says that other ppl told him and he heard me over the phone while doing it...this went on for a month, I finally gave in and admitted to doing something I didn't do...hoping it would give him peace and closure like he claimed, it just made it worse. He wanted a name and contact info, of course I didn't have anything. I told him I lied, that I didn't do it and he has threatened divorce, taking the kids...you name it. Now he wants another baby...IDK. Things seem calm for now, he seems like hes trying to be close and emotional with me and has opened up about his past, but eventually this conversation will come back around again.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      5 weeks ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Gretchen

      Thank you for sharing your story here. Sounds like you/re in a healthy place now. Keep up the good work!

      Mistybug 75

      Thanks for posting your comments. Nice to see you here.

      Pebble26

      Just do your best to live a life of integrity. In time they will realize your intentions are honorable.

    • profile image

      Pebbles26 

      5 weeks ago

      What do I do if my parents don’t believe me or even if it was an honest mistake?

    • profile image

      Mistybug75 

      5 weeks ago

      What can i say to a friend to assure her theres never been nor will ever be anything going on between me and her man after being falsely accused?

    • profile image

      Lisa 

      6 weeks ago

      Hi everyone im just inquiring here on what to do my ex posted something on facebook to a former friend and neighbour of mine now im getting blamed by this person and being falsely accused in writing such horrible post its not even in my hand writing. I had my former friend and her partner confront me point my finger at me and try to intimidate me ive since come off facebook and i bumped into them once few weeks back they admitted they did get it wrong about me but they never once apologised to me for the hurt and for the false accusation. Ive tried to let it go but in some ways im really hurt a sorry will go a long way with me. Ive only seen them twice since i have moved away from the area i once lived in. Ive not forgot what they did finger pointing and blame me for the post.

    • profile image

      Gretchen 

      2 months ago

      I have been seeing my boyfriend for three years now. He is black and I am white, which should be no big deal. Reading your article helped me to see what a true narcissist he really is and understanding the abuse is real with what I’ve gone through with this man. He was married 23yrs I was only married for 8yrs. His wife really did cheat on him and from what he says with an African and that’s the real father of his daughter... I was friends coworkers at work with him in MD gradually confided about personal things in my life... I never saw this coming. By the time we started dating outside of work my ex was an African n he knew this... somewhere in less than three months of dating he introduces an illicit drug to me and asks if I’m cheating. I told the truth and says no. He didn’t believe me and started accusing me of lying when I wasn’t which scared me and all at the same time manipulated me into doing something I always say no to, telling me it will be ok and help me tell the “truth”... with my attraction toward him and low self esteem in other parts of my life I allowed him to think what he wanted n didn’t defend myself n my life... so I’ve gone three years now with back n forth lies trying to use reverse psychology thinking he’d accept forgive n forget... instead it all back fired. Anyone else can tell when I lie about myself but not him. I don’t lie anymore about myself. But he would rather believe a lie to be true than the actual truth. He thinks I had sex parties in his apartment and blames me for him getting fired at a job in MD (we are nurses) when it’s his mouth n anger that goes off... I never cheated on him one time since I have been with him. This whole thing makes me not want to date again, ever. The more confident I become I can’t lie but he won’t let the past go for us to move forward. He thinks he is always right and talks about his gpa from 20yrs ago while I’m trying to better myself and my education now in my early 40’s... I think because I’m getting closer to god and found this article I am stronger now to leave him for good n be at peace and still love him from afar. But I can’t take the mental abuse anymore, I’ve been hit three times because he thinks whores aren’t women and deserve to be hit but I never cheated or had sex parties behind his back because I AM NOT an actual whore... I have forgiven and keep going back but nothing I say when it’s sincere and truthful helps... my only question is does god deal with this and will he finally be shown the truth when he dies? I know god has his wrath in his time, but he should not be allowed to get away with this narcissistic behavior! No one should! It’s destructive and abusive and destroys people’s inside emotions... I guess the best I can do is use the power of prayer. It’s sad though that he is actually a narcissistic male nurse in this world. And other women only see his kindness n not his narcissism just like me in the beginning. He moved to OH to be near me but that wasn’t enough to show me Love because of what he thinks I did when I never did and believes I’m a type of woman I’m not... he still buys drugs and blames me for that behavior too... it’s hard to leave someone you Love and don’t want to see someone else with them. But I also feel happier n at peace if I’m without him. It’s all been a lot of mental abuse n headche asxwrll as heartache... I’m just glad I’m not the only one to experience this type of thing. Praying for everyone to have healing who has gone through this.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      3 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Abby

      Your sister is obviously very sensitive about her past unhappy experience. I'm sorry you have this tension in your life and hope it all works out. Thanks for adding your comments.

      James

      I'm not quite sure what the issue is. Perhaps you can share a little more information. Thank you.

    • profile image

      James 

      3 months ago

      What if your mate is doing something to protect them self and saying that you are just seeing things thats not there

    • profile image

      Abby 

      3 months ago

      My sister recently got really angry at my husband over a joke that he said about himself, but she said it was really about her.. He used a word she was called as a kid/teenager and claims he knew that she was called that and said he must have heard a rumor but the thing is They shared no friends and i or our own mother didn't even know what she was talking about. she refuses to see it as just a joke but instead sees it as him trolling her. how do i talk to her about it? I don't like that things are so tense and I hate to see my husband walk on egg shells around her every moment we are around her.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      3 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Nicholas

      There really isn't much you can do about this unfortunate experience. I had this happen to me years ago and it hurt me something awful. I decided to live in such a way that my accuser would learn that I had integrity and honesty in all my dealings. I finally received an apology.

      Just be the good person you are!

      Marlene

      I'm so terribly sorry that you, the nicest person in this world, had to experience being blamed for something you did not do. It hurts, and the pain we carry around lasts for a very long time.

      I am happy that I wrote about this and that you found it when you needed it. I've learned to develop a tough skin in order to survive being blamed for something I didn't do. I'm still living in a situation where I'm constantly blamed and have had to learn how to live with it. I now, shrug it off, remind myself that I am an honest person and don't deserve this treatment. Neither do you!

      Most blamers are narcissistic and will never take responsibility for their mistakes. Consider the source, my friend.

      Sending you healing hugs and thoughts filled with love.

      Audrey

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 

      3 months ago from USA

      Recently I was blamed for something I did not do and it crushed me to my core. Days later, I am still feeling hurt. Reading your article today has given me the ammunition I need to get stronger and overcome the emotional turmoil going on inside me. By the way, knowing the personality traits of a narcissist has been the biggest help.

    • profile image

      Nicholas 

      3 months ago

      I was Blamed for something I didn't do what do I do about it

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Gregory

      Thank you for sharing your heart-breaking experience here. I just want to give you a big 'ol hug. Toxic people are so draining! Hurray for us and those like us who share similar experiences and have the courage to let go of these kinds of people.

      It's hard when family members are toxic. Good for you for honoring yourself enough to stop all communication with your mother. I'm sorry, but I"m also very proud of you!

    • Gregory DeVictor profile image

      Gregory DeVictor 

      4 months ago from Squirrel Hill, PA

      Audrey, reading your article was like watching a Joyce Meyer broadcast. (You must take that as a compliment too.) Further, your description of a family member with a mental disorder fits my mother (now deceased) 100%. I bought into her toxicity for years and allowed it to rule my life. However, years before she passed away, I severed ties with her just like many, many others had done over the years. Based on the details in your article, she was a victim of a narcissistic personality disorder. In particular, she had a major problem with people who she perceived were smarter intellectually than she was.

      On the comic side, I know that she disliked the “Mama’s Family” television series because the way in which Vicki Lawrence (Thelma Harper) behaved on the show reminded her of herself.

      Recently, a woman who I run into on and off when grocery shopping accused my of criminal activity. I knew I was innocent and did not get on the defensive. I immediately picked up that she was a bitter woman who had a lot of strife in her life.

      After accusing me of wrongdoing, she complimented me on my physical appearance. Intuitively, I knew that she was being phoney. (Oh yes, she weighs about 300 pounds, uses a walker, and is missing a lot of teeth.) I have also noticed some of the people she talks to and it always me of Proverbs 13:20. (Birds of a feather flock together.)

      When I see her now, I always ignore her and go on my way.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      4 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Kathy RoCha

      You've been through a lot and I'm sorry. While I can't tell you exactly what to do, it's clear to me that we all must live a life free of toxic people. I wish you luck and thank you for being here.

    • profile image

      Kathy RoCha 

      4 months ago

      My sibling has accused me of something that is untrue and it has been going on for well over 38 years now. Every time I am around this person I see the pure hatred she has toward me. This person has went out of her way to tell family members and even my friends that I am a liar and a cheat. I have had enough. I have been dealing with this since teenage years. Unfortunately we live together to care for another family member who has been ill for some time. I will move on soon and disassociate myself from this person totally but consider it a shame as it is a sibling. I am not going to be made to feel guilty for something I did not do. It has caused a lot of anguish between this persons children and myself as they believe the lies. Should I disassociate myself from the family ties that I have with them also? They are always threatening me and calling me names when I go to any family function. I am so upset that I simply want to turn my back on all of them and not look back.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      5 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Freya

      Just keep living a life of integrity. In time, being honest will show others that you were not guilty of being blamed in the past.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      5 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Brionna

      Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man like this? Think about it. He's showing his true colors when he should be flaunting his best to win you over. If this behavior is his best now...I shudder to think of how things may be in the future.

    • profile image

      Freya 

      5 months ago

      My brother stole something from my mother and he is blaming me. I know honestly that i did not do it, but he says the same thing. My parents are punishing both of us, and he will not admit it. What should i do?

    • profile image

      Brionna 

      5 months ago

      I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. I have lied to him in the past, and I'm sure that's where most* of his accusations come from. Things are supposed to be changing and going forward. He used to be abusive, and that was a big cause of the lies. He makes me feel everyone around me is negative..friends family anyone. He knows best in his mind. I love him and we have worked past so much, but the accusations are just pushing me away. He is no longer abusive and so I find it easier to tell him the truth. I lied to him recently about talking to an ex friend of mine. He actually moved out and with a friend. When he's with me everything is fine, but when he is away from me the accusations just get worse. I really wanna be with him after all he was the man who took my virginity, and we talk about getting married. Its just hard to even picture that when he pushes me away. I don't know what to do..I just feel like I am losing myself. He can be so nice, but at times he says the worst things. Low blows. I wanna talk to him about it, but he doesn't hear me. He "listens" but nothing seems to change. Any advice?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      5 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Joe

      So sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something that's not your fault. Continue to hold your head up high during this difficult time. One day this will pass and he will know the truth.

      Tina

      Being blamed hurts. It's unfair as well. I'm sorry about this. Take care. You know in your heart you are blameless.

    • profile image

      Tina 

      5 months ago

      I have been blamed

    • profile image

      Joel 

      5 months ago

      Thanks for this site,kinda going through some trouble with my boss,he blames me for him and his woman for breaking up-she's not my type,one of those that says she's getting harrased by someone but she won't say who it is-so he focused on me-to be honest it's his own fault,pray for me,he's gonna take it out on me

    • profile image

      rene lorraine 

      6 months ago

      so helpfull

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 

      6 months ago from Oakley, CA

      Whoops!!! My bad! My eyes skipped a beat or something, and I put my comment on the wrong article! :-( Sorry about that. I have it copied/saved, so if you just want to deny that comment, feel free, and I'll repost it on the correct article.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 

      6 months ago from Oakley, CA

      Hi, Audrey!

      Stopping by again to let you know that just for grins and giggles, I got out my old book of tunes from my voice class back in 1983 - 84. Italian arias; and I found most of the ones I'd learned on You Tube. What fun to sing along with the likes of Pavarotti, and Carreras! (I told you I belong in the tenor section! :-D )

      I was amazed at how many of the words came back to me without having to refer to the sheet music, even after it sat collecting dust all these intervening years!

      I wonder if you have any further words of wisdom on these two particularly pesky issues I still face:

      1) I still have the problem of running out of air on an end note that's a long note anyway, as in an adagio piece with a tied or dotted whole note, for example.

      2)Some of the pieces also called for "piano" volume on a higher note, and that's a no-can-do for me. If I'm going to be able to get to a high-ish note, it's going to be by really belting it out. ... but in a whisper (a la the late Minnie Ripperton), no way.

      .(wish I had a way to send you a tape, so you could hear what I'm talking about...LOL)

      (I also discovered in this experiment, that some of the pieces were not played at full tempo for us in class, and I really struggled with some, especially with "Gia 'il Sole dal Gange" LOL)

      Cheers, and thank you again...

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hello Mike Orban

      Thank you for letting me know how helpful this article is. I hope your relationship works out, however, these type of people rarely, if ever, change without help.

      I wish you the best.

      Syed Sajid

      Thank you for your comments. It took me a long time to "see the light". Knowledge is power.

    • profile image

      Syed Sajid 

      6 months ago

      Very nice honey.....very helpful to detect this people....

    • profile image

      Mike Orban 

      6 months ago

      Thank you so much for your story, I am in a relationship with a person like this and is very hard to deal with situations some times, yet I learn a lot and I'm doing much better now since I know what is it. Thank you again.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Ralph,

      I'm so very sorry about all of this. His actions seem a bit extreme based on what you're telling me. He may have issues that he needs to resolve. Never-the-less, Ralph, you know the truth and if you are blameless you can hold your head high as you walk this journey.

      Remember, there was once a man who walked the earth doing only good. He was wrongly accused, beaten and crucified. He was the son of God.

      Be strong!

      My best to you and thanks.

    • profile image

      Ralph 

      6 months ago

      Hello.

      My name is Ralph and I'm currently 15.

      My parents have wrongly accused me and my sister ( 16 ) of preforming in an act of incest. We've been together all of our lives and when my father claimed he saw me and my sister walk out of the same room together ( which we didn't I was in my room and my sister was upstairs using the bathroom, he assumed in his mind we were "doing something in there" Now my father is treating me and my sister like inmates in our home, he has cameras pinned all over and is watching us like convicted criminals & he will not let us defend our selves, he will not let us speak to one another, and we cannot " back talk " or he will take say we're being defiant and rude.

      Now I will be forced to look guilty & I'm being sent to a military school for something I never did nor will I ever do. Thanks for reading.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      getrecognized

      I'm sorry to hear that you were accused for burning a hole in the countertop. Are there others living in the house? It's good that you read the bible. Jesus was accused, and put to death for something He didn't do. You are in good company.

    • profile image

      getrecognized@gmail.com 

      7 months ago

      I have been asked for a fourth time now if I was the one who burned a hole in the counter top in the kitchen of the house where I rent a room, where in this kitchen, I am allowed to cook. Very disappointed as for the fourth year now I can't shine why this landlord seems to think I did it.

      But I know the Bible says that it is the glory of man to overlook an offence. So, I fold there.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Emmyboy

      Thanks a lot for being here. Nice comments.

      Jessica Savage

      This is not an easy question to answer. So unfair to you. You may want to seek the help of a counselor. I know how you feel. Your accuser needs professional help. So sorry about this, Jessica.

    • profile image

      Jessica Savage 

      7 months ago

      I have a family member that meets this exactly. I know that you say you don't have prove your innocence, but this blamer accused me of sexual abuse in front of family, when she conducted the abuse against me and another family member. The blamer is a notorious manipulator and liar. As a teenager, she had fanatasies of being raped and asked a mutual aquatiance to rape her and has lied about being raped to others. A few years ago, via text to me, she accused her mother of molesting her youngest son. I feel as if I should defend myself via lawsuit bc of how if she tells others this lie it could affect my reputation, the matter is of moral turpitude, and SHE WAS THE ABUSER! Is your opinion/advice still the same?

    • Emmyboy profile image

      Emmyboy 

      7 months ago from Nigeria

      I really enjoyed reading this.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      Kane Gage 

      7 months ago

      Someone has accused me of cutting of cutting myself. this article has made me realize not to trust them or even care about them when they don't care about you. a good friend can turn on you. i'm never getting attached to someone as close to a best friend anymore. All i need is my girlfriend and the people that do already care about me

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Anamika

      Just keep on being your honest self. If you can, pay no mind to what others say. The only thing that's really important is what you think about yourself. You are a beautiful light. Let it shine!

    • profile image

      TammyR1313 

      7 months ago

      The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

      I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

    • profile image

      Renee 

      7 months ago

      The other day I was talking to a neighbor behind us, she was talking about how cruel it was for the ones right beside me to keep a goat pinned up in such a small pen.I told her that they let the goat out in th back yard, She was talking about how horrible that the goat had mange and her husband told the daughter(The mom kept sending the girls out to listen to all what we said) . She asked the daughter if she wanted to sell the goat, any ways the daughter only heard mayb 1/4 of the conversation and went to tell her mom that we both was talking about the girls. I simply answered the ladys question about the goat and my neighbor thinks I was actually talking about the girls.

      I am too old for these games but now my next door neighbor is not talking to me, threw stuff in my yard I gave her. The lady behind us tried to tell her she was only asking about the goat but the mom of course believed all the young girl said. Which is normal for a moms side But i really feel that she should of asked us and herself should of came out to actually ask what it was all about.. I did nothing wrong but she is making me feel I did... I tried to talk to her but she told me to leave she did not want to talk... I would like to get this settled since we are nextdoor neighbors but it seems hopeless...I try to get along with everyone, Im in my late 40's and her in her 30s and Im too old for childish games, I should of seen this coming when she did not talk to me for 3 months because I did not give her my new number, but I pay the bill where does it say by law I had to give her my number.. I would just like to be peaceful, go on, stop feeling guilty and walk around my back yard talking to my Husband and son with out her sending her daughters out to spy and find out what we are saying.. her daughter that started all of this is a sheltered 14 year old and a 10 year old... The mom takes off alot and leaves them two girls at home with the 2 year old... Any suggestions how i can take care of this matter or should i just ignore it and not feel like a prisoner in my own home and afraid there daughters will run back in and tell more lies?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Grace

      Your partner should stand by you, regardless of how his mother reacts to this accusation. If he isn't man enough to think more of the relationship than this, you deserve better and good riddance

      You know what the truth is.

      Good luck..

    • profile image

      Grace 

      8 months ago

      Ok but what about if your partner and his mom blame you for the death of their dog (it's a shared custody sort of thing with the dog)? He left me with the dog for less than 2 hours and shortly after he got back the dog got really sick and died (the dog has had serious health issues recently). Just to note, I have a stomach ulcer and have been bedridden for the past 2 weeks and can barely walk out to the car (so I'm not really sure what I could've done). He told me to prepare for a fallout because his mom will definitely blame me and that it very well might ruin our relationship.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Raymond

      I'm sorry to hear this...there's nothing worse. Just continue to be a kind and honest person. Even when others are dead wrong in their accusations, you know different.

      The core of protecting ourselves from a blamer is establishing and continually supporting an impenetrable boundary between what we know about ourselves and what this other person needs to believe about us.

      My best to you.

    • profile image

      Raymond maxwell 

      8 months ago

      I'm battling people doing this to me in my home.,And I'm getting accused of everything Thanks for the advice

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      8 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Nerdblade

      Keep on being a good example for others. People can't accuse you if you don't do it...and even if they do...you know you are innocent and that's really what matters most.

    • profile image

      Nerdblade 

      9 months ago

      ive been accused of cursing in my school and so many people are involved in it when i didn't wut do

    • profile image

      girl 

      9 months ago

      thank you very very much

    • profile image

      Ree 

      9 months ago

      I was recently slandered on fb, my name was defamed, this person claimed that I have given them an illness. They blasted it on a picturw post on fb. The talked about my success and seemed to be jealous that I had loved on in life. They used old information of a tragedy in my life and through it in the fire. Then theaters were made, but the key thing is they did this all through a fake page created to hide. If true why hide? What should I do? Ive been feeling down not getting any sleep, I took post down but the impression on my heart was left with a sting and my mind of who could have done this . how should I cope

    • profile image

      Dessie 

      10 months ago

      I have being in a hed spin for the past 10 months in being blame in the wrong by my wife she abused me every day constantly lying and I knew something was very wrong your article on NPD gives me a better understanding it describes her very well if i didn't know better I could swear you were waiting about my wife married to her for 34 years can't go a other year it is worse then a deth

      Thanks

      Dessie

    • profile image

      joe 

      11 months ago

      My wife left me recently. Just walked out on me. I loved this woman and to e honest I still do. After reading your article I have changed and I better stay changed the way I think about her. We have only been married for 5 months but since we have met it has been one been argument after another. She always tells me and you can look in to her eyes and see the evil in her sometimes but she always says she is never wrong. With any fight we have ever fought she is not wrong. She has kept stuff like text and voice recordings when she was planning on leaving me and then she did with her ex-husband . I begged her to come back and cried night and day because I truly loved her. After her telling me to stay away in words I choose not to write I finally said fine I will. so I get on match. Its a dating site and found a really cool girl. Her dad is actually the screen writer for the movie Tombstone and many more. Anyway we hit it off and low and behold she catches wind of my happiness and starts calling and crying and begging me back. well I know I should have stayed and I regret every decision my heart made the day I did. So I left that girl and came back to ho is now my soon to be ex-wife. I forgot to mention after she found out about my happiness remember all the text she saved well when I initially told her I was not coming back to her she put me in jail for harassing communication of text messages when she left me for another man. again this is another HINT rt lol. so I go back to her and she turns in to this totally nice person but always blaming me or thinking I am cheating on her. really just sitting on my phone for hours at a time putting different tracker apps and just crazy stuff like this. She has always insisted he is not to blame. Even when I bust her in a lie she will not tell me she is sorry or its her fault. I have herd I sorry from her since I have known her. I also want to say I am not perfect by no means but I am really a happy guy and love to smile and make people smile. I am also a Sagittarius and I very honest and honestly does set you free but has gotten me in trouble a lot in my life time lol. Since the beginning of our relationship she was going through a better divorce and she was separated. I didn't know what this meant or even slightest worried about it at the time but 2 months into it fter having all these feeling for her. husband finds out and has us tracked on GPS and takes her twins away not for good but devastated her this is when she started acting nice than kicking me out and ignoring me just not saying anything getting me so upset. She is doing the same thing now for two months now I came home one day to find everything gone and the house she got from her other marriage she moved in to it but has been really treating me like evil. Nobody likes me anymore in her mom does not like me because she is saying bad things about me just really hurts. this was my only marriage. I only wanted one. I knew I should have never married her . I just didn't know that there were actually people with no hearts and blaming me for stuff I never did to her. when she finally answers my question of what I did she brings up stuff before we got married. always something different and always before we got married.than today she calls and I am just so excited she called and she was being nice I talked to her for 30 min all together and she kept bringing up if I was going to pay the car insurance. I said fine and pleaded with her cried to her asking if I could just see her. She said she needed to ask her mom. what? I thought you were 45 years old and you have to what. I was so excited about her being nice I dropped it well tried calling her back and she is ignoring me again. I have done everything for her work hard for her. She has told me I don't know how to be a provider and that I never helped pay any bills, She told me right in front of her friends that she wished she had a husband whio made more than she did. she has no job. only child support. That really hurt because all my money went to her. I pulled up bank statements showing her all my deposits in the account and she said those were not there before and accused me of changing bank statements really? lol I have a small business and make about 100k a year her husband before was rich and she always saifd she doesn't love for money but this I know is lie. these last months she has accused me of cheating againwith no proof and being home every night letting her go through my phone while I sleep. I am now at another house. I always told her she was bipolar but after reading your article I now know she is truly a Narcissist 100%. sorry so long and believe me this is not the extent of her madness and just plain not caring what so ever it is truly sad of her and still kills my heart knowing what I wish I would have known 2 years ago. I have been blaming myself knowing I was not wrong over and over. Thank you so much and sorry so long.

      Joe PS- I copied pasted and sent her this entire article everything you have described is a match of her behavior. I will say though when I am confronted with someone telling me I did something I know I didn't do. I get really defensive. and I will fight and fight but for some reason she is always rt and I always fall for her apologizing

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      11 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Mo

      I'm sorry about your situation. No one has the right to slap you - even your grandma. I hope things get better for you. Keep love in your heart.

      Dee

      Why did your daughter cut you and your husband off? Do you visit your grandchildren? They should not have to suffer the consequences of this situation. Counseling may be helpful if she agrees to this.

    • profile image

      Dee 

      11 months ago

      Thank You for writing back. My daughter is 36 years old, has 2 young girls (my granddaughters) and she has cut my husband and I off from them. It's been 51/2 months since our disagreement. We had it out b/c I finally told her I am sick of the way she treats me and she is angry b/c I did. She thinks she is absolutely justified. Could she be a narcissist?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      11 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Dave

      I'm sorry to hear this and hope she will one day realize the error of her ways. Thanks.

      Salamander

      Good for you! It takes courage to break off a relationship with your sister. But you've been a whipping post long enough. I wish you the best. Thank you.

      Hi Dee

      Your daughter owes you respect. And you must respect yourself enough to refuse to accept her behavior. She needs to know that what she is saying to you is unacceptable. If she fails to learn this lesson her life will be miserable.

      Thank you Dee and I wish you the best.

    • profile image

      Dee 

      11 months ago

      My daughter is always talking down at me. Tells me I'm a terrible person. No matter what I do or say she puts me down and belittles me. Not in front of people. When it's just her and I. She thinks she is justified and I am so baffled. I just can't do anything right in her eyes. She talks about people all the time but is so nice to their face. Is she a narcissist or something else? I thought I was a good mother.

    • profile image

      Salamander 

      11 months ago

      I can really identify with what Dave writes. I have been a 'whipping girl' for my younger sister for as long as I can remember. But I am only now realising what has been going on. I have been so miserable because of the negativity when it is not in my nature to be negative. I am quite a bright, friendly & joyful person. I have tumbled to the realisation lately that my sister is joyless. There was a recent celebration which has brought our relationship dynamic to a head and it resulted in my decision to break with her because I felt our relationship was not good for me. I decided to look after myself and the only way I could do that was to withdraw from any contact with my sister. Sad, but self preservation was paramount. I am happy to make contact again when she has chosen to do some work on taking responsibility for her behaviour but until then I am not available as a sounding board for her rants and rages or as a scapegoat.

    • profile image

      Dave 

      12 months ago

      I had to let my sister go since she couldn't resist the temptation to deceive, manipulative and blaming behavior. It was a sad moment at 63 years old to accept that I just had to remove myself from her life and live my own.

    • profile image

      Venus Rosen 

      13 months ago

      My little sister keeps attacking me. Scratching me, Hitting me, Slapping me and when I give her a little tap she cries. {Fake crying}. I try to explain to my parents that my sister is being a liar. They don't believe me. I get scratches and red marks all over my arms when she attacks me but my parent's don't do anything. She would lie about certain things and I end up getting the blame. What do I do? I am scared of her and I think one day she might go too far and actually hurt me to the point I bleed.

    • profile image

      Mo 

      14 months ago

      My grandpa is racist and he's not biological grandpa and so my dad is Serbian and he called him Islamic and blamed it on me I think he forgot he said it and then I was like no grandma I didn't say that and then I got smacked so I just when with it

    • profile image

      John Fulkner 

      14 months ago

      Scare the Shit of him... give them a lesson of a time so they think 10 times before accusing, blaming or pointing a finger at you.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      14 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Jayne

      I commend you for honoring yourself. Letting go of negative people, especially if they are your family, is so difficult. But just look at the courage you have. You should be proud of yourself - I am. Thank you and best wishes for a happy life.

    • profile image

      Jayne 

      14 months ago

      Hi, well my story has been since I was small. I feel my parents couldn't handle my older sisters, so they ignored there nasty words to me and my little brother. Well I was abused at school to the point were I was so low. Of course it was my fault so everyone said. So life continued and unfortunately my little brother is no longer with us we will never know the truth but my older sisters blamed me and treated me with ruthless actions and words. It broke my heart that that I was suffering on the passing of my brother and felt like I was taking on there suffering again on also. I know this isn't normal also I stood up for myself and know they taught at all and have spread rumors about me and ridicule me to save face. I am wise and didn't take it as my ex was an nariccist and I stood up to him . So I have been thru a lot. I see the pattern and just walk away its hard but I'm happier, they even ran me down to people at the funeral. couldn't get any lower than that. I do love them but I don't like them anymore and will never be close to them, they just don't get it.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      14 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Glenn

      When others are in denial about this type of behavior there isn't much we can do. It's a sad state of affairs. We want to protect our friends from toxic people and it's disappointing when they don't listen. It takes courage to break off a life-long friendship even when go "south" so kudos to you!

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 

      14 months ago from Long Island, NY

      I had a friend who was like this. He was actually a life-long friend I knew since grade school. But in adult life he got worse and I considered him toxic and finally broke ties with him. Unfortunately many friends we have in common are still friends with him and fall prey to his shenanigans. They, themselves, are in denial and I can't reason with them.

    • profile image

      Vini sainudeen 

      15 months ago

      i am so revealed after reading this. It helped me to realize that I was in the right path when my teacher accused me. Thanks a lot dude.

    • profile image

      Curt dimi Grey 

      15 months ago

      Thank you, so much! This hub helps me to regain my strength and confidence after someone accused me of stealing her phone and it turns out that she frame me up for some amount that she needs.. I know that I can cope up with this through the help of our almighty GOD.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      16 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Anu

      I'm so sorry to hear your story. When you are blamed for something that is not your fault it's best to avoid trying to defend yourself. It does little good. Just walk away and say nothing or if you want to reply simply say "I'm not to blame." Try not to get into a discussion about the matter.

      Always live your life with integrity. By your actions you send a powerful message. Try not to replay hateful words of blame and labeling. You are a good person. Forgive others for the error of their ways and pay them no mind.

    • profile image

      Anu 

      16 months ago

      My mom told me I am not suppose to talk when she is talking.she accused me for something I didn't do,I let her say her parts and when I eventually wanted to claim my innocent she fired up and said I am talking,I am boiling over.then she said she thanked God I am not her first born she abused me for something that my twin sister did then she said I did something like that too.it was a simple thing like me telling the taxi driver to drive to the exact place we were going after I saw him trying to stop at the wrong destination my mom angrily said we Shud stop where the taxi driver had..that happened a year ago.she compared I and my twin sister to our elder sister saying they never gave her problems.she told me whether I liked it or not I would act as the society operate or else people would give me hell.(I am from Nigeria).She said if I don't do this I would eventually learn from my own story.i don't have any friends because I suffer from severe depression so I discussed sometimes with her.she used this to attack me my head is still swimming in disbelieve.she said I wasn't grateful that is why I told her I was depressed.she called me horrible things.i listened as she expected me to and felt like crying,all this because I tried to defend myself.when she went in for her prayers I heard her saying God should cast the evil spirit in my life away

    • profile image

      Julie 

      17 months ago

      I don't follow these "signs" of a liar. In my experience great liars are completely comfortable with their lies and you can't even tell. Half the time they actually believe it. I have been accused of things my whole life by horrible people and part of being shy and tired of being accused are "not looking in the eyes" "getting defensive." It's stressful. You can feel the build of how the person perceives you even when you've done nothing wrong, because it's this chain that other ppl have made you out to be and they feel they too should interrogate you. It's like not being able to breath and nothing you do right matters, but you just keep hoping that one day, oh but oh no, because you don't have a decent support system you're just barely getting by and who do you end up near when trying to build your life up and you're still in college?? Mentally ill people who weren't successful and try to take advantage of you and add on to the framing and issues. Fucking leave me the fuck alone. I can't wait until the day I have my diploma and a career and I can leave all the neigh sayers behind. I only hope all the anxiety I've felt since I was born wont haunt me in difficult situations at my job..there's mentally ill and then there's a bad environment. And the ladder sucks, because no matter how hard you work, no one believes in you.

    • profile image

      John 

      18 months ago

      "A guilty person will get defensive.

      Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying"

      You clearly have never been accused of a crime you didn't commit. The feeling is a mix of fury and tears. If you can manage to keep your cool, humor and sarcasm is an amazing way to show to accuser their folly without hurting their ego.

    • profile image

      Chris the best 

      18 months ago

      Audrey, I am in 6th grade and my friend has always blamed stuff on me, and my mom says I am a liar. She doesn't trust me anymore and she is going to send me to a different school. Please give me advice.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      18 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Daisy Starr 77

      Welcome to hub pages. I'm eager to read your articles. Now about this person who is giving you a hard time. If she's treating you this way now, it will probably get worse. Do you want this negative, time-consuming energy in your life?

      Save your kindness for people who appreciate you. You deserve better treatment. So glad this article has helped you. Thanks.

    • profile image

      Angel 

      18 months ago

      I'm a 7th grader with good grades but one day I skipped school on Friday and some boys were stealing and they blamed it on me and my other 2 friends, I know its a lie why would I do such a thing like that? I don't even talk to the 2 boys that blamed it on me and my friends. now the cops are looking for me, getting information of me, looking for my address and wanting me to go to court. what do I do? I'm a really nervous person near or with cops. Please help!!

    • profile image

      DaisyStarr79 

      18 months ago

      Hello! I just joined this site as member because I can related this article. Not long ago, I had really bad argument with my close friend. I made mistake to co sign with this friend to get a nice car. Then she is thinking about trade her car to mid-size suv. I felt that I helped her to find car almost two years ago and I felt she doesn't really appreciated me. So I didn't attack her anything. I used win-win situation and I encouraged her to trade with her car but it has to be without my name. I thought it was good idea because if she trade in without my name then I wouldn't be stuck with her for another five years on her car. She felt I pushed her. She decided to use silent treatment on me. It drives me crazy. It is like she is punishing me. I wasn't used to that. I did trying to reach out to her and want to have peace with her. I found a way to contact to email her. I asked her in a good way to solve issues with me. I told her I missed our friendship. I accidentally say I saw her daughter video on Facebook from one of my friends shared on news and also told her that she must be really proud of her. She just automatically blamed me for stalking her. She said she blocked me on her Facebook so she doesn't want me to find more information about her and her kids. I got mad and I decieded to ask her mom, her brother, and her close friend to unfriend with me to show her that I'm not stalker at all. Then she said I made it worst. All I want is to work it out with her. I read this article. I just learned "blaming" is one of the narcissist traits. Also I learned "silent treatment" is one of the narcissist too. I learned a lot lately from internet.

    • profile image

      Jim Monaghan 

      19 months ago

      My old girlfriend swears that i hacked into her computer and families and ruined there life's. I love these people and would never do that plus I DON'T no how to even send email im computer stupid PLESE HELP ME

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      19 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Susan

      I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Hold on. You realize you are not to blame. Continue doing the right thing and be the bigger person. One day, it will pay off. You've already suffered plenty. Stop giving your accuser the power to control you by harboring anger. Time to let it go and move on. Good luck!

    • profile image

      Ben Kolthammer 

      19 months ago

      im ten years old ( as you can see from lack of punctuation) and i found this article amazing i was framed for beating the crap outta someone and i used this and found out that it was definately a lie the whole time

    • profile image

      Susan Y Barbato 

      20 months ago

      Omg! This was just unbelievable ! I have been going through this so long and I have been charged with assault and I am the victim of th type of person. She came at me yelling and I defended my self. I ended up with a broken nose and charged!Does not make sense. And all of my lifes property she has taken. Can you please help me out in some way?

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      20 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      PK

      Being blamed for something we didn't do is usually not about us. Regardless of what someone says or accuses us of doing we can learn to not take it personally. Is this easy? No. But it is possible. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a rough time. I send you good thoughts and wish you the best in your future.

    • profile image

      PK 

      21 months ago

      I am very troubled as the person who blames me is the person I love most, my mother. Through my childhood and her divorce, we have been through a lot together and always supported each other. Ever since my dad left and I came back from finishing undergrad, my Mom has been blaming me for anything and everything from the smallest things to all that has gone wrong in life whether it be losing my job in the Great Recession, delay in finishing my Master's, or her job dissatisfaction. She exhibits almost all the symptoms and body language pointed out in your article, lying so often to the point she can no longer differentiate between the truth and her fantasy lies. Once known for my "disgustingly optimistic" [:-)] and positive nature, I have lost that hope and drive, and I am unable to focus at school and work. She blames me for not spending enough time with her, so I take out time I had set aside for work, studies, and pretty much cutting off my social life to be with her, but then she continues to blame me for the same thing. After reading your article, I realize I spent too much effort trying to prove my innocence by keeping time logs, keeping my location history via mobile tracking, but she just dismisses all the evidence or changes the topic. I am unable to focus with so much blame, negativity, and toxicity at home. I don't know what to do. My current contract is ending, so I need to look for a job and this is the last chance for me to complete my degree. I am at the brink of losing my whole career if nothing is done soon. I can't leave or avoid her as she is very dependent on me, emotionally and physically.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      21 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      jaxx

      It's human nature to become defensive when blamed for something we didn't do. So sorry to know this happened to you.

    • profile image

      Jaxx 

      21 months ago

      I got defensive when I was accused for the second time. I absolutely did not do what I was accused of.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      21 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      lady poppy

      You've sure put up with a lot. Sounds to me like he is one insecure man. Hope it all works out for you.

    • profile image

      lady poppy 

      21 months ago

      Yes I have suffered under a toxic relationship with a man for over 12 years...who displays the above...who continually has blamed me for his misdemeanours...I gave my heart and soul to this man.. I left a beautiful home and my son for this man because he promised me love and a future...i never felt a love like it..I truly fell for him hook line and sinker...he wasnt good looking..he wasnt wealthy...he was very over weight ...but I adored him...my friends dint take to him..and thought I was off my rocker...but they could see I adored him,and as long as I was happy the accepted him...but he kept hurting me with his womanising ( saying that he did it when we werent seeing each other) which was a darn right lie...it continued for years into our relationship..I kept forgiving him..I know stupid...but I loved him...and he behaved for years then he did it again 2 years ago...and then out of the blue admitted what had happened and he regretted it...he always blamed me by saying that he didnt think I was serious about him...FFS!!! I lost a lot of money over him because he wanted to live in France..his dream..and I wanted to make it happen...so I bought the house...it then took me years to get back and whilst there waiting for him to come out I lived in a hell hole...always blaming me that it was my fault...so I came back...and he was hell to live with...he blamed me again...saying it was me...when actually I was walking on egg shells every day wondering what kind of mood he was going to be in when he got home from work...what an idiot I have been ..wasted so many of my years of my life....he is now on his own...not working...because he cause rifts at work and no one likes him..he has turned good friends away...he doesnt speak to his adult children,making excuses it is them that have turned against him...the saga goes on and I stuck it with him to help I thought..but he sucks me in with telling me he loves me then spits me out...I am a lovely lady who is a homemaker...genuine with so many friends...I am honest and trustworthy...why did I deserve this behaviour...I really tried I really tried ...so reading this blog spells it out very clearly for me...but why are there people like this in this world??

    • profile image

      bicol 

      22 months ago

      at school i got blamed for bulling someone. i know who did it and i told the teacher who did it but that personlied again and said they did not do it what do i do?

    • profile image

      Ron 

      22 months ago

      I've been avoiding accepting this behavior from the woman I fell in love with and reading this information is difficult to realize I have to let go and take care of myself.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Thank you for reading my hub. I look forward to seeing you again.

    • profile image

      LVJ 

      2 years ago

      I really don't see what a story book has to do with any of this quite honestly...

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Rangoon House

      Thank you so much for reading this and commenting. To love and trust others isn't always easy. Especially when the tables are turned and that trust is broken.

      Still, the reward for loving even those that tell lies about us, is deeper happiness. Forgiveness lightens our own burdens.

      Come back soon.

      Audrey

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Lady Guinevere

      Thanks for trying to post my hub on face book. I think sometimes both hubpages and facebook get some kind of a glitch and everything goes wrong. But glad you were able to post on your blog. I'll check it out.

      This 'sign in' business is ridiculous. What next?

    • profile image

      Rangoon House 

      2 years ago

      Thank you for your insight Audrey. Dealing with all the different personality and character types can make interaction a mine field. I guess we all have to love and trust until proven wrong, and hope that time of judgement won't happen, but it's good to have some prior understanding.

    • profile image

      ladyguinevere45@gmail.com 

      2 years ago

      I don't know what happened on FaceBook and took this link down, but I still have it on my blog post. I just thought that you would like to know that.

      What is this sign in stuff now. I am already signed into my account.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      2 years ago from West By God

      Your hub or hubpages has malware in it. I am doing a whole computer virus scan right now. I could not get on Face Book after sharing this hub. I don't know what to tell you but it needs to be fixed somehow. I don't understand why HP would allow this and not tell you about it.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      2 years ago from West By God

      Well I have other family members that do believe me and they are outraged at how I am being treated. Thit in itself is comfort enough. I am going to add your article to my latest blog post and I hope that those who do read my life story will also read this here as well. I am not supposed to mention my mom or that I even have a mom and...they have wped me off their world. She also told me to to write or say anything, not just about her (which I hadn't before this) on Fasce Book or asnywehre on the computer. If she had her way I wouldn't even have a computer. I have had many ask me why I tokk my story off of HP and wehre did I put it and I tell them becasue they do want to read it. Sometimes and some people have thought that I am just angry and self absorbed, but my story only reflects how I have been treated. Some day I will write another chapter with all the things that I have learned about myself and why I do the things that I do. I have learned much. If you would like to read all my chapters and especially the last one you will find it on blogger at: A Life To Learn Not sure if you allow links.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Hi Lady

      So very sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something you didn't do. Hold your head high knowing you are innocent. Be the bigger person in your family. Show them by examples of love, patience and self-respect that they made a terrible mistake.

      Thanks for attempting to pin my hub. I wonder why it was blocked as spam?

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      2 years ago from West By God

      I tried to pin this and was stopped because they said that they blockied it because it may lead to spam.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      2 years ago from West By God

      When I wrote about my life, my mother and daughters said some really nasty things about me. My mother has blamed me for many thing. I wrote my life in a blog. People kept telling me that they thought that she has a mental disorder and so I didn't believe it. Hey, it is my family and not someone else doing this. Little did I know, but all the things in this are pointing to the fact that she may have one of those and my 2 daughters are toting her stuff and blaming me for things that I have never done too. Not only have I never done them, I wasn't anywhere near or even knew the people that I was said to have done anything with or about. I ended up changing my blog to appease her and then some of my internet frieds told me that I should not have had the urge to do it. They were right. I had to make the painful decision to not talk to my mother and daughters anymore. It is a very painful situation.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Sadly I agree with you. Mental disorders seem to be at an all time high. Narcissism tops the list. Thank you for being here.

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 

      2 years ago

      Good points for people who have suffered at the hands of blamers who sometimes are sadists too. It is unfortunate but I honestly believe the number of people in our society with this type of mental disorder (narcissism) is increasing.

    • vocalcoach profile imageAUTHOR

      Audrey Hunt 

      2 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Colorfulone

      Thanks for giving my article a thumbs up. Eliminating people from our lives who bring us unhappiness is a healthy step towards a more fulfilling way to live. Sometimes this is a difficult thing to do. Good for you!

      Stella

      Hello. Thank you for reading my article and for the great comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You've made a good promise to yourself. I'm with you all the way!

      Happy days Stella.

      Audrey

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