How to Cope With Being Blamed For Something You Didn't Do

"It's Not My Fault." -- Being the Victim of a Narcissistic Personality

Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive affect on you.

Unfortunately, I have a family member who fits this type of personality. It has taken me a lifetime to recognize that she lives with a mental disorder. I became a victim by buying in to her belief system. I accepted criticism and verbal abuse. I felt sorry for her because she had a rough childhood. I found myself walking on eggshells with every conversation.

Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends.

You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.

The Truth Will Set You Free

At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair. And, it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we feel guilty.

Here's what you'll hopefully learn about in this article:

  • Why it's about the accuser and not you
  • Why all that matters is the truth
  • Being a victim of narcissistic personality
  • Knowledge is power when dealing with negative personalities
  • 7 key signs of a blamer
  • Narcissistic personality disorder criteria
  • The common body language of liars

The Accusation is a Reflection of Your Accuser, Not You

I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much. Even so, it is true.

Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend. They are miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgement and make up lies about other people.

You Don't Need to Prove Your Innocence

You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

The Bible tells us to "Pray for those that despitefully use you." Whether you believe in the Holy Book or not, the advice is good. Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free. So try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.

Learning New Strategies for Dealing With Blamers

Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.

When I finally learned that I had been manipulated to believe that something was wrong with me I felt empowered with a sense of freedom. Though it wasn't easy to give up the close relationship between my sibling and me, it has been the best choice I ever made.

Armour yourself with knowledge. Like a bullet-proof vest, the toxic blame will bounce right off of you. The more aware you are, the better. You will avoid these types of relationships and save your self-esteem.

7 Key Signs of a Blamer

The following list will help you identify the signs and behaviors of a blamer:

  1. Pessimism. Pessimism is one of the sure signs of a blamer. No matter how positive you are, they will always find something bad to happen. There's often no talking them out of their negative thinking.
  2. Making excuses. Blamers are always making excuses for their own actions. They are very good at this.
  3. Passing the blame. Blamers will tend to always pass the blame on to someone else, while never taking responsibility for their actions.
  4. Quick temperament. Being quick-tempered can be another sign to watch for. Blamers are known to have short fuses.
  5. Takes credit. A blamer always insists on credit for being right. Oh, how they love to shout, "I told you so!"
  6. Betrayal. Being trust-worthy is not part of a blamer's character. They are typically back-stabbers. So, be very careful. If you don't want something you say to be repeated, then don't say it.
  7. Envy. Envy is the blamer's middle name. Any time you get something nice, they become angry and envious. This includes any success you might have. When you're sick or in pain, believe me -- they're happy. They may not realize this and in fact will deny it. Then, when you feel great and positive again, they may immediately remind you that "soon, bad things will happen, so don't get too comfortable."

Beware of people who automatically assume the fault is yours. After all, it could never be their fault. By the way, these people also love to play mind games. They rehearse their entire dialogue so they will be prepared for your next conversation. It's a full time job for them.

A Blamer Has A Quick Temper

A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse.
A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse. | Source

Narcissistic Behavior: "It's All About Me"

One way to spot a blamer is by narcissistic behavior. If the person demonstrates signs of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), blaming others for personal problems in life feels normal to them.

Learning all we can about narcissism is beneficial in two ways.

  1. It provides us with an understanding of the behavior itself. In turn, we are better prepared to cope and deal with the effects of this disorder.
  2. We may even recognize some signs of narcissism in our own personalities and take steps to correct it. With awareness and desire, combined with some hard work, this disorder can be overcome. Seek the help of a qualified doctor.

Extreme selfishness is a red flag for identifying narcissism. While most of us tend to be a little on the selfish side, those with NPD carry it to a whole different extreme.

A reminder: "The greatest prize for life's labors isn't in material possessions or impressive accomplishments, but in the progress of personal character. You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward. Who you become is your greatest possession, make it your masterpiece! " -- Matt Moody phD, Social Psychologist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To give you more ammunition for how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do, listed below are criteria for NPD.

  • A grandiose sense of self importance, exaggerating talents and achievements. Look for a feeling of superiority.
  • Hungers for excessive admiration and attention.
  • Has a sense of entitlement.
  • Displays arrogant behavior.
  • Really believes that others are jealous of them .
  • Lacks empathy for others.
  • Takes advantage of others to further self.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of power, love, or beauty.
  • Harbors feelings of jealousy

Is That Person Lying to You? Check Their Body Language

If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, check their body language. While there may be exceptions to the following tips, these are used by police and investigators:

  • Check the eyes. If the person avoids eye contact, that's a clue that he or she may be lying.
  • Watch the gestures and expression. If the gestures and expression don't match the verbal dialogue, that's another sign. Example: "I like you," while frowning.
  • A guilty person will get defensive.
  • Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying.
  • Touching the nose often can be a sign of lying.
  • Covering the mouth indicates deceit.
  • Be aware of eye movement. The eyes move to the left during a lie.
  • Watch out for body movement. When a person tells the truth they tend to lean forward. When they tell a lie they tend to lean backward.
  • Watch hand, arm, and leg movements. When lying, these body movements are stiff and restricted.
  • Pay attention to too many details given. Liars tend to go on and on to get you to believe them.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed above can also be demonstrated by someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, or guilt-ridden for another reason, can have these same reactions.

In Conclusion

If we live in such a way that we exemplify complete honesty, we develop integrity. This is the best way to ward off being blamed or accused in the first place. Honesty begins in childhood. Children learn best by example. Teach your children and your grandchildren the value of always being truthful.

The title for this Hub was inspired by a post in the HubPages forum on the same subject. Remembering a time when I once took the blame for something I didn't do (it was traumatic for me), I decided to share my thoughts and write a Hub about how to deal with this problem. I hope you've found it helpful.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain


Please note:

The above article is my own personal opinion and not meant to defame, purge, humiliate, and or injure anyone. My desire is to provide support and help to the reader.

Thank you for being here. I welcome your comments.

What to do when you're the target for blame.

It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything
It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything

This is Bill Eddy's book filled with lots of practical methods for handling High Conflict People (HCPs) in any setting, including neighbor disputes, workplace conflicts, family battles, with strangers, etc. HCPs target those close to them and people in positions of authority, so in this book Bill focuses on what to do when YOU are the Target of Blame—and how to avoid (or prevent) being one for long.

It is organized around 12 key Tips (5 Do’s and 7 Don’ts), that simplify large concepts into small, easy-to-remember phrases when you’re under the stress of a high conflict dispute. This book is for the general public, so you can give it to anyone.


© 2012 Audrey Hunt

Comments 163 comments

yssubramanyam profile image

yssubramanyam 4 years ago from india, nellore. andhrapradesh

good hub. i personally feel that such idiots who are accusing innocent for nothing sake are over looked by many/sheltered too. it matters nothing to honest person, but surviving with majority of idiots hinders our performance. i being honest, react in such a way that a lair has to surrender, as well i un mask the real color to public. nice hub, it is very much suiting my present situation.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

VC... I LOVE this hub. I think every single person, over the age of 30, has been accused of something or pointed at for something they had absolutely nothing to do with... Frustrating, to say the least.. It can also be damaging and dangerous. The worst kind of web to be entangled the web of lies.

My Dad always made the statement.....if someone made a false accusation, he would say, "I refuse to justify such garbage, by refuting it." You give similar advice and I applaud you.

This is an extremely well-written ALERT, with perfect suggestions for handling the situation. Thank you so much, VC...........UP+++

donnah75 profile image

donnah75 4 years ago from Upstate New York

Oh it feels terrible to be accused of something we haven't done. Many times I have been accused of things at work that I had nothing to do with. I have learned to stand up for myself and remind people to get their facts straight before pointing a finger. Great discussion and advice here. Voted up and sharing.

writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

My husband has been accusing me of little things, I say prove it then I'll believe you and leave it at that.

You've written a great hub making us think.

Voted up useful and interesting, Joyce.

howlermunkey profile image

howlermunkey 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

Wow, great hub. When I was in middle school, 6th grade to be exact, on the bus ride home there was some kid, who I barely knew, discussing something that happened to him that day. I don't even know what it was. All of a sudden I see a finger pointing at me "I THINK IT WAS HIM!!!", I was Flabbergasted. "I Ain't NO Snitch" I replied. I didn't even know what they were talking about. Its one of those memories that I never forgot.

....Then there was my weekend with the "Vegas Elvis"...... but that's a whole new story

(Don't ever go to an after party with a Vegas ELVIS)

Sorry for rambling, great hub, voted up and sharing!

CCahill profile image

CCahill 4 years ago from England

Nice Quote from Matt Moody.

God theres enough thing is life that you DO, do without being blamed for stuff you didn't lol

Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

Very informative. Thank you. It is no secret, that I'm an egotist (and I was working to tone it down). As far as being blamed; What does an eagle (or one who thinks he is) care about chickens? But there was a price. I had to be ready to perform.

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

Beautifully said, Audrey. I especially loved the summary. It is so true, yet, even in one household with many children some can turn out to be the most honest of people and others the most deceitful, narcissistic type. I have one in my family and have, as much as possible, estranged myself from him. I agree with takes a long time to recognize the problem is theirs, not ours, when it is our personality to treat all people with kindness and fairness.

I've been trying to teach my nephew to stop blaming others and the world for his behavior and choices. It is like talking to a wall-doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it. But, I'll keep trying...I'm stubborn like that, haha.

Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience here...the videos were very helpful along with other resources. Rated up/U/I and shared.

Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Audrey,

I have known a couple of people like this. Unfortunately, I let them get the best of me and lost my temper with them which brought the toxic friendships to an end. I am not proud of the way I handled it but what bothered me more is how I allowed myself to be taken in by them.

Have a good weekend :)

Voted up and awesome

carol7777 profile image

carol7777 4 years ago from Arizona

Yes, this brought back a load of memories. My mother never took responsibility for her actions and blamed everything and everyone..Actually I know a lot of people who do this, but it didn't or doesn't affect my life. From living with it I take too much responsibility. Great hub and voted up.

Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

This is a great hub with great information. I do hope it help someone fact, I know it will. Like you said, we have all been there at some point. I agree with all your reasons for moving pass it but it still sucks and it stays with you for a long time.

Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

Wow - I think you are talking about a boss I had about 17 years ago. She had every one of those 7 sevens you mention and the worst Narcissistic behavior I've ever witnessed. Great hub that is right on the money!

Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Excellent information and well written! Best/Sis

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Interesting tips, Audrey.

Personally when such a thing has happened to me...I usually tell myself that somewhere someday I must have hurt someone thus, karma has come back to haunt me :)

I rely a lot on Karma thus, the above :)

voted up as interesting and useful

Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

Really good article. Nobody likes being accused of something they didn't do. It is just so aggravating! If you get on the defensive and hotly deny the accusation, nobody believes you. (Methinks the lady protests too much!) The best thing to do is exercise extreme self-control and ignore the false accusation.

Sometimes the person has their own issues; sometimes the person is honestly mistaken about you, and you and that person can talk the matter out and get things straight again. If the person isn't open to reason, drop it, quick!

missolive profile image

missolive 4 years ago from Texas

Vocalcoach: Audrey, this hub is very well written and it is an extremely important topic. Seeing somebody wrongfully accused and/or being the accused is a horrible experience. Unfortunately, there are many bullies and ill hearted people out there that relish in this type of behavior. Also, some people simply wrongly assume without seeking out the truth. I've been the victim of false accusers and I've also been the victim of foolishly believing the liars. It's a tough world sometimes. The most important thing I have learned is, there is always more than one side to a story, isn't there? As for the narcissist, these are very scary people and they are impossible to rationalize with. I too have such a family member and I feel as you do (loving them and maintaining one's distance is not an easy task. My parents suffered many days with this particular issue). Plus, you also mentioned the bible and prayers. I do pray that I and those around me be kept illuminated with the truth and are given the gift of perspective and reasoning....and along comes this hub. :)

Thanks so much for sharing your insight. I believe this will help many people evaluate and reflect on their own behavior as well as of those around them. You are a true blessing.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

yussbramanyan - Thank you for your comments. I am pleased to hear that you like this hub. I wish you the best with your currant situation. Take care and thanks again.

fpherj48 - So very glad to see you and hear how much you like my hub.I love reading your marvelous comments. I love your Dad's statement and so good of you to post this. Very helpful to remember. Lying is so destructive. It can be devastating. It is also dangerous. Thanks for your generous votes my friend.

mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Your hub covered a lot of ground. I may just have to blame you for teaching me something.

Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

wow after reading this It reminded me of what has happened to me recently.. the hurt and lies about me by someone that hurt me so much.. and I though they were my friend.... it hurt so bad,, I am still devastated by it.. thank you for writing this..I think it actually will help me move on



acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Wow what an informative hub as always and so comprehensive. Very useful and completely valuable information - thank you so much.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

donnah75 - There isn't anything worse than being accused of doing something you didn't do. And I agree with you that people should get their facts straight. And even then, be very careful about blame. Great to see you here!

writer20 - A terrible and unfair thing for him to do. Anyway you could casually place this hub under his nose? He needs to stop accusing you.

Right now!

howlermunkey - That ride on the schoolbus was tramatic for you. All these years and you still remember how it affected you. Lying is so damaging. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I'd like to hear the "Vegas Elvis" story too. A new hub? Thanks so much.

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

What a wonderful hub and it covers a common experience not often expressed. I have had similar experience with people. Being lied to is not a pleasant experience and then to be blamed adds to the injury. Voted up.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

CCahill - That is for sure. Some people don't have enough to do :) Love your comment.

Mhatter99 - I'm so glad you liked my hub. Your comments are great. "What does an eagle care about chickens?" Great to see you.

Dear Denise - Thank you for sharing your comments, as they are helpful to those who have the same situation going on. It's sad that so many people have this problem and live their entire lives making up lies. I'm glad you like the videos and I appreciate your rating. Take good care.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Sueswan - I understand how you could be taken in by the person who lied to you. We are basically made to trust other people. It's not easy losing friends this way...I know from personal experience. Thank you Sue for all your support.

carol7777 - When we grow up with a parent who lies and blames everything on others, it isn't unlikely that when we become adults we sometimes go to the other extreme. We don't want to be like that parent.

I certainly understand as I have done the same thing. Thanks for the vote up!

TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

Vocalcoach, thanks to your very helpful hub, I have discovered I am a thriving narcissist! Yay! Love me! Adore me! :) Great job, voted up and sharing. :)

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

There will always be people in this world, Audrey, unfortunately, that will envy you for your success, good looks, intelligence, possessions, or any other attribute that causes jealousy. If you are accused of something you did not do, simply state vigorously, "That is not true."

And walk away. Works for me, m'dear. Loved this hub and voted way Up!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

I think it is interesting how you tied the tendency to be a blamer on narcissitic personality types. This gave me a lightbulb moment. Blamers are ugly people who project ugliness onto everyone else. This is an excellent and well written hub!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dee aka Nonna - Hello my friend (2 yrs). You're still supporting my hubs and how I appreciate you. I felt strongly that this topic should be discussed. I want to help others by educating them. Thank you so much.

Glimmer Twin Fan - So...this all sounds familiar huh? I'll bet you're very glad that working with this type of person is in the past. Whew! Thanks for being here.

Angela Blair - Thanks a lot for reading my hub and finding it excellent!

rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Wow, an impressive list of points to recognise and tackle a blamer (NPD). After years, I realised that it is no use arguing it out with these guys. Best to keep my mouth shut or get away and avoid the situation altogether. May be get rid of the friendship altogether is not a bad idea. These guys are definitely losers and have a lot of mental issues to tackle.

Voting up, useful and awesome. Sharing this too.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Ruchira - I have questioned the theory of Karma from time to time. If we pray for forgiveness and are careful not to repeat the wrong-doing I believe that the sin will not necessarily come back to haunt us. On the other hand, as you say, if we are not repentent then I agree that Karma exsists. Either way, I do appreciate your sharing your opinion as it gives me something to think about. (I had better be a good girl all the time:)

Thanks my friend.

paradise7 - You have added some very good advice to my hub and I quote, "The best thing to do is exercise extreme self-control and ignore the false accusation." This suggestion also shows that you are the bigger person. Thank you so much!

maggs224 profile image

maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

Another excellent hub Audrey, full of information and practical advice which if followed will set you free from the hurt of a wrongful accusation.

Unfortunately there wasn't even an internet when I was wrongly accused by a school teacher if I had read this article then it could have saved me years of self inflicted pain and shame.

Instead I became offended and increased the chains that bound me to this offence and those chains held me firm for over twenty years.

The power of the offence did not decrease with the passage of time time because I fed it almost daily.

Then one day by the grace of God I learned the truth that set me free and I forgave the teacher, prayed good things for him and his life and in the words of the old Hymn 'My chains fell off, my heart was free'

I hope that this hub reaches the people that are being imprisoned by the hurt and injustice of being blamed for something that they did not do.

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

What a great poem Audrey and here's to so many more to come.

Enjoy your weekend.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

missolive - Our word is the power we have to create the events in our lives. Many abuse this power even to destroying everything around them. People have met with destruction when the word is misused.

I'm sorry your parents had to suffer so long due to the behavior of a family member who is still loved in spite of the pain that was caused. A terrible, terrible thing.

I reflect on another parent (God) and the torment He must have suffered when his beautiful son was accused, persecuted and tortured to death.

Thank you for your heart-felt comments and for reading my hub. It is you, dear missolive who is the blessing.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

mcbirdbks - Wow! I will gladly take the blame for teaching your great mind anything at all. Now...that's what I call a compliment! :)

deborah - I am so very sorry that you have been a victim of lies and deceit. How could anyone do that to someone like you? There must be some jealousy lurking around. I hope your pain is gone now. You're in my thoughts deborah.

acaetnna - See the big smile on my face? I've just read your comments :) Thank you for finding this hub informative and valuable. It is my pleasure. Take good care sweet one.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

teaches12345 - Hello and thank you for taking time to read my hub and comment. And yes, this is a "touchy" topic. I along with most of us here on and off hubpages have suffered the pain and disgrace of being blamed for something we did not do. I hope I have helped others and brought insight which helps to heal. Take care.

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I meant to read this when it came out and promptly forgot about it....thanks for commenting on my site so I could remember. :)

The signs of a liar were very interesting; now I'll be closely watching people when they talk to me. LOL Very interesting article Audrey; I have a couple family members who fit into the first category...the blamer....and they seem to do so naturally. Sad, but I don't have to play that game.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

ttoombs - Hahahaha! Makes 2 of us:) Wonder what kind of trouble we could stir up together?

You be the instigator and I'll be the manipulator!

drbj - You have given the very best example of How to Cope with being blamed for something you didn't do. I encourage everyone to read this. And I quote, "If you are accused of something you did not do, simply state vigorously, "That is not true."

And walk away.

I love this answer. Why didn't I think of it? ")

Thank you so much for your insight! Appreciate it so much!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

tammy - Glad to hear you had a lightbulb moment from studying this hub. I, too didn't tie the 2 behaviors together for a long time. Narcissism is a very destructive and nasty mental disorder and explains why so many people act the way they do. Thank you for spending time here.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hello rajan - A good solution for what to say when someone blames you for something you didn't do is given by drbj. Scroll up and read about it.

There will always be someone who is ready to blame us for something - to cast their sick insecurities around by spreading lies. NPD is a terrible mental illness. Only professionals can help them. Thank you friend.

TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

I'd like to find out! :) Where shall we unleash the madness? Vegas? LA? Paris? Rome? :)

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

maggs224 - I could slap that teacher who damaged your character with blame and lies! Shame on that teacher who has the responsibility of setting the "stage for life" to a student. To be burdened with that memory and shame is despicable.

But look at you now - you've come a long way baby!

Thank you for sharing your story. It touched me and I'm sure it has others.

Eiddwen - Nice to see you my friend. Thank you for all of your support and dedication to my work.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

billy - When I see your name come up in the comment section - then I know Im a raving success :)

I guess we all have a relative out there who feels better about themselves after weaving a lie or two.

Love your way to cope with this behavior. "I don't have to play that game."

Magnificent! Thank you, "Bev's Husband." :)

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Tto0mbs - How about all three! :)

marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Audrey,

I appreciate how you share your wise and insightful life philosophy. Your manner of expression is respectful, yet empowering to remind us that we are responsible for our behavior, not including behaviors or motives that others ascribe to us.

Very well written. Voted UP and UABI. Hugs, Maria

moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

We have a family member that has the habit of blaming everyone else. It's what we have to live with in our lives I guess it could be worse. Great hub. Voted uP!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Maria - You are a light in my hub-life! Your comments always brighten my day, even on my worst days. I'd sure love to be close enough to you to sit down and have a cup of tea and a nice chat.

Thank you dear one for being here and for your constant support. You are such a jewel!

Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

I agree with your point of view. It hurts when I'm blamed for something which I did not do. Thanks for sharing your experience and giving wonderful advice.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

moonlake - Sounds like this person doesn't accept any responsibility for their actions. They'd rather blame someone else for there unhappiness and ability to love themselves. I know how frustrating this can be for you.

Thanks for being here and for commenting.

Vinaya - Being blamed for something you did not do is one of the worst feelings in the world. It's a cruel position to be put in and is classified as abuse. I'm pleased that you liked my hub, my dear friend. Peace and love be with you.

Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi Vocalcoach... great hub and I so appreciate all the points you have made. I spent several years in the security end of things and have used many of the indicators you have listed. Gut feelings are important and yet sometimes they can lead to false assumptions of people. Should you spot a red flag it is important to trust it.

Falsely accused... I can only smile at thinking of all the times your opening statement has come true.... "The truth will set you free." So very important to remember...

Hugs from Canada

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Rolly - You have lived many years using these points as you were involved in security. And your statement about gut feelings is also an important point to remember. Thanks, my friend for your support with your timely comments, I respect very much, what you have to say. Hugs back :)

Ebonny profile image

Ebonny 3 years ago from UK

I agree it's vital not to let people ruin your life with their negativity.

I have a narcissist in my life but it is only very recently that I am putting up boundaries and adhering to them for my own self protection. However, the thing I still find difficult is when this person tells lies about me to other people. Whilst I don't feel I should have to justify/explain my innosence to the third party, I still feel very uncomfortable lest they believe the lies and I have a strong desire to defend myself. I guess I can only trust that these third parties have the wisdom to know that there are always two sides to every story!

Many thanks for sharing your wisdom Vocalcoach.

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vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Ebonny - I know just how you feel. It is natural to want to defend your position. It does little good. Let it go, with the knowledge that you are blameless. Set a better example than your accuser. Your light alone will shine with truth and integrity. We have no control over what others think. We only have control over out own thoughts and actions. See that they are always pure. Thank you for your comments.

SkeetyD profile image

SkeetyD 3 years ago from Barbados

Miserable people like to spread misery and blaming someone for something that wasn't their fault is just another outlet for unhappy people to spread the doom around. So true... I like how you said not to indulge the doom bringers. They should be ignored. In fact, they should be confronted with their behaviour and made accountable for their doom bringing.

mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 3 years ago from The Shire

Thank you for a fascinating article. Useful information!

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vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

SkeetyD - You certainly have written a powerful and true comment for those who enjoy spreading misery again and again. These

are unhappy people who can't stand to see others being happy.

mollymeadows - Thanks for reading my hub and finding it useful. My purpose has been accomplished!

Laceylinks profile image

Laceylinks 3 years ago from Alabama

Hi Vocalcoach~ This is a very well written piece, and one of the best things about it is we have all been there. We have all felt the sting of being at the wrong end of that vicious tongue at one time or another. Some of us may labor under that burden even as they read this. You understand how it smarts, and your advice on how to handle it is welcome and soothing. Thank you for your excellent insight, this hub is truly helpful! Voted up and useful.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

LaceyLinks - Im honored to read such good comments from you. I appreciate all the different views given on this subject. Being blamed for something you don't do is a terrible position to be put in. And as you've said, most of ushave been there at one time or another. Thanks for the good votes!

Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 3 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

This is something I think everyone has dealt with. But to me I feel like in situations like this you can only grow from it. Maybe you are related to a person with this disorder but you don't have to let it affect you in such a way that you feel like it's powerless. This is a great hub for anyone who has ever had these kind of relationship woes. Voted up and useful!

Mike Robbers profile image

Mike Robbers 3 years ago from London

Truthfulness is liberating, joyful and empowering.. and as you said living a truthful life - living in a state of integrity with ourselves - is the best way to avoid being accused for things we didn't do..

thank you for your excellent and well written information :)

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Alecia Murphy - I like the way you think:) We can indeed grow from situations like this. I know I have learned to "tune my mind" into a type of serentity when my family member gets started. I simply take a couple of deep breaths which relax my mind and body, then I visualize a beautiful and peaceful place, taking myself there. It takes some practice, but it certainly works. Thanks for the votes Alecia.

Mike - So happy to see you. And yes - living in a state of integrity with ourselves is the best gift we can give to ourself. The earlier we learn this, the better off we will be. It's a great insurance policy! Thanks for your welcomed comments Mike.

Celene78 3 years ago

i like your way of thoughts, yes i will say i even agree with u, but....

look at the world, the old egypitians had a very wise saying....if u let evil live, u let it continue

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Celene78 - A good point to make. Hadn't thought of it just that way. Thank you for adding this and glad you are here.

Mama Kim 8 profile image

Mama Kim 8 3 years ago

This hub is just fantastic!! Voting a whole bunch and sharing!! OH boy do I know a few like this... ^_^

unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 3 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

Fantastic. I just love the 7 signs of blamers, its very true. I happened to be a victim of this. i was on leave that time and a co-worker made a mistake. i got a memo on her mistake because she just blamed it right on my face.

jainismus profile image

jainismus 3 years ago from Pune, India

Just great Hub.....

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Mama Kim 8 - Thank you so much! I guess blame will continue as long as the world turns :)

Very glad you liked my hub and thanks for sharing.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

unknown spy - What a rotten thing to do.

she will one day get hers. Bad karma and all. Hope you never have to have another experience like this. Thank you so much and sending you a hug!

jainismus - Thanks so much. Glad to see you. Be happy!

troubled teen 3 years ago

My stepmother left about a week- two weeks ago, and the day she left, i had a docter appt at 3, and she left at 2 to go get her medicine. My sister asked me if i wanted to go, i said no. My sister runs out and claims i was mean to her, so my step mom leaves. She comes back at 2:50 and says lets go. I had just gotten out of the shower, and i said i didn't think we were going. I had asked her that morning if we were still going she said she didn't know. So then she starts yelling at me. Curssing....ect. I tried to reply with as little as possible. So she goes into the living room and i go back to my room. Then my little sister (11) bursts into my room and starts calling me vulger names and is balling. Then i ask her what i did, and she says "you know what you did" so they leave with out telling me. I call my father and ask him "did i do something?" he says no, so i tell him what happened. So later i find out she left, and claims five years ago i choked my little sister. Five years ago i would have been 10 and she would have been 6. If this actually happened why wasn't it brought up 5 years ago? My step mother is bi-polar. I just can't live here any more, but my real mother wants nothing to do with me, so im stuck here. Ive already decided to graduate early, but i just don't know what to do. ADVICE NEEDED. PLEASE.

Rain 3 years ago

Thank you vocalcoach..

You make my day. It's really hard to force myself to accept the blame that me myself don't even know what was the problem. When two againts one, i can't win. They know i'm weak, so its very easy for them to accuse me again and again. They know in the end i will kneel in front them saying the word sorry-and again the smile will be on their faces..its unfair. But time changes..i wont let them hear the word sorry frm me again..because i knw i am not guilty in anyway, their reason to blame me is unreasonable...

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

troubled teen - I'm sorry to learn that you're going through a rough time. I know it's hard but as long as you know your not to blame, it's really not your problem. Just keep being truthful and sooner or later the truth will be revealed. Thanks.

dani 3 years ago

one woman we worked together she blamed me without any reason you abused me i ll report to the company.

what you advised me

dani 3 years ago

one woman we worked together she blamed me without any reason she said you abused me i ll report to the company.

what you advised me?

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Rain - Good for you! Stand up for your integrity. When your accusers see that you stand up for yourself they will eventually stop blaming you. No more kneeling in front of them and saying you are sorry. Stop that right now!

Remember who you are. Be true to yourself. When you confess to something you didn't do, you are being dishonest. Love who you are. Thank you for sharing your wonderful comments.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

dani - You must defend yourself. Stay calm but be firm! Chances are that even if she reports you, the company will look at your past behavior and work ethics and find you innocent.

LA Elsen profile image

LA Elsen 3 years ago from Chicago, IL

Thanks for writing this. I have a person in my family just like this. My husband and I along with our four children have been ostracized from our family due to this person's lies and blame. This hub is a blueprint for what we have gone through the last three years. Now I know we aren't just imagining this. Thanks for writing. Voted up and shared.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

LA Elsen - I'm so sorry about all that you and your family have been through. If this hub has helped in any way I am most grateful. One "bad apple" can certainly be a destructive force. It's much more difficult when this person is "family", but no less important to avoid them entirely if possible. Thank you and appreciate your votes and sharing. Blessings.

bkirembu profile image

bkirembu 3 years ago

This is used to happen to me a lot at work and I'd get so worked up and stressed. I wish I'd seen this hub sooner :)

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vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

bkirembu - I sure hate to hear of this happening to you. Keep this handy - it's bound to happen again sooner or later :( Only next time, you'll be ready for the culprite!

bkirembu profile image

bkirembu 3 years ago

Agreed, in fact I think my friends need to see this hub as well. It may save them from needless pain.

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vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hi bkirembu - One reason I wrote this was to help others. Most blame stems from insecurity and jealousy. It's too bad because damage is done and sometimes can't be undone. Thanks.

demsim profile image

demsim 3 years ago from Jordan

A Great hub

Thank you :)

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

demsim - Thank you so much. Very nice to see you here.

Kasman profile image

Kasman 3 years ago from Bartlett, Tennessee

Wow, I know this thing well. Some folks in our government should definitely be reading this.

Before I found Jesus, I was guilty of some of this kind of behavior. Thank God, he delivered me of this crap. Talk about a horrible person at times to be around! Thanks so much for writing this, I'm definitely sharing this and voting up. You have done a great job with the details and I think soooooo many people need to read this!

buddhaanalysis 3 years ago

Very nice and enlightening hub.

KDeus profile image

KDeus 3 years ago from Florida

Excellent hub. I was until very recently in a business-related situation with a person just like this. After several years of dealing with it, I really began to seriously consider removing myself from the situation. I did and feel so much relief. Many of your points were right on. I can only pray that these types of people one day realize how much they hurt others. Thanks for the book recommendations, too - I've saved them in my wish list for now!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hello Kasman - Oh, how I agree with you - wonder how I could get this passed to the right folks :) I appreciate your kind comments my friend and for the voting up as well as sharing. So glad to find you here!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

buddhaanalysis - Thanks a lot for being here and for your kind feedback!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

KDeus - People who have no integrity and pass the blame to the innocent are giving false knowledge. One day these lies will catch up to them - meanwhile they live in anger, jealousy and hate. Aren't you glad that you don't?

These type of people spread emotional poison just to build up their own very low self-esteem. We have been told to "love your enemies." This is really a tough commandment however I can see the tremendous spiritual growth by doing so. KDeus, I'm so glad you're here as I feel as though I have met a new friend! Have a wonderful day.

TheRealSummer profile image

TheRealSummer 3 years ago from Missouri

I truly enjoyed reading that. ( disclaimer made me laugh and snort my coffee) Your descriptions are accurate, and I thought you did a fair job of addressing the other side. Alternate definitions, for those who may have taken your article as a definitive work. I also have a narcissistic relation, and it has taken a toll on me. No one can understand this, as it is not at all like having a self-centered teen, or a lying sibling. It sneaks up on you fast too; the knowledge that this person is not capable of seeing themselves for who they really are. That they truly do not see you in the same light as you see them. That they will never understand what it is you endured in the name of love. It was nice to see a portrayel of that relationship so eloquently, and intelligently, displayed.Kudow

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

TheRealSummer - I just have to come by and read your hubs. If you write as eloquently as you comment then I am in for a treat. I felt as though you and I were chatting away over coffee, snorts and all :) Don't remember when I've enjoyed a comment more. Thank you for the kind words and enjoy your day! Audrey

All of these wonderful post really are so true !! I pray allot to get rid of my accuser !!! Not a day goes by I'm not accused of something '!!! And it's ALWAYS something he is DOING or DONE! I want 3 years ago


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Thank you Angela. Just keep living in such away that it will be obvious that you should not be accused of anything. Be professional and develop high standards. In your heart you will know that you live above reproach. Honesty and integrity will eventually set you free.

Naidy 3 years ago

I don't know if this counts but my boyfriend always has to find something that makes him unhappy in our relationship even if things are going well, and shifts the blame entirely on me. Recently he has been "unhappy" because he says I'm the reason we are not progressing in our relationship because I'm "too slow". He said he wanted to break-up with me because I was holding him back from settling down and starting a family just because I said I wanted us to get married first before moving in with him. After explaining why he wanted the relationship to end, he asked if he could still call me after our break-up and I asked him why he would want to continue calling me when he has already decided its over between us. I only said that because I was emotional that he was breaking-up with me and didn't even mean what I said, now he is using it as an excuse to ignore me. Since then, he has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with him and only send me a text saying he wanted us to get back together but because I said we should not communicate after the break-up, he was going to keep his distance, in other words, its my fault he is ignoring me and acting immature. Its as if he is punishing me for reacting to the break-up that he himself suggested. He makes me feel guilty for anything bad that happens in our relationship and always acts like the "victim" while I'm always the bad guy. At first I believed him and started thinking that perhaps I'm the problem. He loves taking what I say totally out of context and turns it around to use it against me to make me feel guilty. Since the break-up, I have send him several messages saying I take the blame and that I'm willing to talk things through, only to have him ignore me. I guess he's just trying to blame me for his poor behaviour so that he doesn't have to feel bad about breaking-up with me over something simple as refusing to move in with him.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Naidy - Do not take the blame again for anything, period! Your boyfriend is extremely insecure and is constantly "pulling you down' to make him feel better about himself.

It's unlikely that he will change without help from a professional. You must start loving yourself enough to say "enough!"

This relationship is un-healthy. Let him go and respect yourself. Hold out for someone who will stop playing games with your head and give you the love, respect and maturity you deserve.

Good luck!

judith bechabe 3 years ago


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vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hi judith - Nice to see you here! Thanks.

Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 2 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)


This is a wonderful article, filled with so many truths. One other point regarding watching someone's body movement in determining whether they're lying...their eyes blink more than usual. Perhaps the person is trying to avoid looking at you during your conversation.

DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

WOW--I'm shocked. I could be taken for an extreme liar based on that list of "clues"!! I use humor and sarcasm a lot--to defuse uncomfortable facts and situations, and often, in general, just to be funny: not because I'm lying. I was always shy, and easily intimidated by "authority figures" so I would lean away, to distance myself from the perceived threat; likewise, I avoid eye contact--most of the time, because I was raised not to 'stare at people,' and making constant eye contact while talking feels to me like staring. I suffer from hay fever, so I'm more or less "always" touching my nose to relieve an itch. I would also become defensively angry at being blamed for something I did not do--"righteous anger," if you will. "HOW DARE YOU even THINK that about me..."..etc...

As Mark Twain so astutely observed in your quote, about the speed at which lies travel, I'm not too inclined to just blow it off, because in this day an age of instantaneous news and gossip dispersal, a person's life/livelihood can literally be ruined by false accusations.

ChristyWrites profile image

ChristyWrites 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Very useful tips here, Audrey. I have dealt with negative people and it really is so hard to change them. Taking the higher road is the way to go. You offer some very useful tips for dealing with those type of people.

PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 2 years ago from Florida


A great hub for anyone who might need this information. I have to say I never put up with anyone doing this---and they soon find that out. I told someone to take her negative low-glass self and leave my office. And, she did and I was never bothered with her again.

I will not put up with this type of person---and yes I had a relative who acted like this---she is never invited to my house and when I have to see her I speak if I feel like or I just pass with a smile. I do not have time for disrespectful people.

Great Hub Dear, and I am sorry you had to experience any foolishness from this person. Nip it in the bud at the beginning and do not worry about appearing less than a lady---straighten it out then. I feel if they do not care about my feeling---then they deserve my sharp tongue.

Take care and have a great new week.

Bobbi Purvis

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 2 years ago

I voted the buttons on this excellent post. I find that you really have to be strong and confident in yourself to handle those negative influences. Your 7 signs is really good.

Laceylinks profile image

Laceylinks 2 years ago from Alabama

Personality disorders are so hard to deal with, this excellent Hub offers help and a new perspective. For years my sister pounded me emotionally until finally "the worm turned" and I cut the relationship. I regret not being able to have a sister-friend but I came to the realization long ago the reason wasn't me. The main thing I like about this Hub is the validation that I have the right to live happily and not allow anyone to emotionally manipulate and punish me. Thank you, Audrey!

Sam 2 years ago

The seven signs of a blamer perfectly described my little sister

teacher's I 2 years ago

Good stuff

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Daisy - A very good clue to look for with body language. Thanks so much for adding this. Clues like this add to the 'armor' we wear when looking for honesty. Happy days to you ~ Audrey

DzyMsLizzy - Obviously you are an exception (I always suspected you were an exceptional person:) You bring out some valid points. I particularly like your final paragraph which I hope has been read by others. I'm sure you have been the mouthpiece for many others. Thank you.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

ChristyWrites - It's too bad that we have to be on alert and check for body language when talking to another person. I'm glad you found these tips useful. Thanks.

Dear Bobbi - I am so grateful for your advice. You've made some excellent points which I will follow. Respect. That's what it's all about isn't it? You are a wonderful example for me. I feel more empowered now. ~ my best to you ~ Audrey

teaches12345 - Yes, confidence is everything. I like the quote " you teach others how to treat you." Can't remember where I saw this, but it's always stuck. Thank you ~ Audrey

Laceylinks - It's a terrible thing to be put in a position where we have to cut ties with a sibling. I had to do this with my sister too. Hardest thing I've ever done (except for losing my son to cancer.) I know that you and I have done the right thing. Thanks so much ~ Audrey

Sam - It's too bad that you sister follows this negative pattern. You deserve better.

teacher's 1 ~ Thank you very much.

None 2 years ago

I found its best to avoid those people that cannot be trusted - too bad its most of my family!

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

None - It really is a shame when members of your own family cannot be trusted. Sometimes, good friends do the job. Thank you.

miriam smith 2 years ago

a liar is one of the worste persons on earth

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

miriam smith - You are so right!

creativeangel 2 years ago

I remember when I was a child, my mom always accused me of stuff I never did. One time, we couldn't find her cat so she flipped out and started screaming at me until I was in tears that I locked her cat outside so she'd freeze and die. I kept telling her I didn't and that maybe my brother or sister had her; she wouldn't listen. She just kept screaming like she was in-denial and in the end, my sister had her. My mom used to post all this nice stuff on fb about my sister. She used to insult me rather than say anything nice to me. When my sister started college, my mom paid for everything. I'm on my last year of college and my mom has not paid anything whatsoever with my schooling. Another time, I was young then, about eight, I used to sometimes get a little bit of water on the floor in the bathroom. I ALWAYS used MY towels, getting them disgustingly dirty to mop up all the water. I always took less than 10 minute showers as well as closing the shower door EVERY time. However, each time, my dad always came up to me and screamed right in my face, calling me a liar whenever I told him I wasn't the one who had a lake in the bathroom. He screamed at me all the time and then, you know what he said? "I Hope your mom heard that" and then walked away. I was in tears for a long time after that as he just used me as an excuse to blame it all on me and he knew it was really my mom. My parents scare me and I am glad I moved out and have my own apartment. Liars are horrible and it is completely unfair when someone says something you didn't do. It is extremely unfair even if they are doing it on purpose and it is impossible to explain it to them. It is pure betrayal that they don't believe you; especially if it is a loved one. It leaves scars that never seem to go away and hatred that never fades.

creativeangel 2 years ago

However, this was when I was young. My parents have changed a lot since then and I am thankfully glad, I do have my own apartment, but I do visit often. Remember, sometimes you can make up for what you do. If someone accused you of something, it is life. It is loads easier if you forgive them. I gave my parents a second chance and they took it well. I am thankful for that and I could never be happier! I hope the same happens to you if you were accused by a loved one. :)

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

creativeangel - I love your name. Thanks for sharing your story with others. I'm sure this will be helpful to those who have gone through the same thing. I'm so sorry you had to live with all this blame, yelling and unfairness.

Yes, there will always be scars. But you, my dear one, can rise above these scars. The first step is forgiveness. I'm sending you a hug.

creativeangel - I am so glad that you took the courageous step to forgiveness. You are an example of how we should all be. Your happiness reflects your doing the right thing. Thank you, dear creativeangel, for being here. I hope I see you on one of my other hubs. I wish you happy days!

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 years ago from West Virginia

I really needed this advice today. My dad passed away on Tuesday and all the family got together on Friday. Mom always blamed me for telling others about her stuff and I never did. That made me warey of her tactics. I do not tell anyone anything about anything that she does. She supposedly thinks that I spread gossip on the Face Book. Then my dad got on and found that I do not. Now he is gone and I really am missing him right now. I was the first that he would call if something happened because he said that I was the oldest and it is right to tell the oldest first. Mom did not do this when my dad passed. Long story short I am treated as some sort of outcast. Now my daughter fits everything in your article. I do not have to distance myself from her because she already has stopped answering any of my calls and has blocked me from her FB page. One other thing about these types of people is that they revel in their so called punishment of others. I hugged her goodbye and whispered in her ear that I was blocked from her page. I knew that she did but sometimes FB goes screwy so I wanted confirmations. She grinned and said Yes, I did in a very condescending voice. When I called her to tell her that her grandpa passed and it was late at night when I got the news....she was just mad because I woke her up. Grrr. She is going to be sorry for writing people out of her life. She thinks that by pushing me awy that I will not know what she is doing...she is soooo wrong. I am and always will be her mother, weather she likes it or not. I found out that someone else knew a huge secret that I was not to tell anyone about her. How that someone else knew, we cannot figure out. I hate being held over a barrel that way. We finally, on our 2 hours trip home, decided to let her go because she thinks I am suffering, when in the end it will be her. Oh and I caught her in a big lie about what she is telling others about me. I am getting off the eggshells and the roller coaster with her. She is 34 and acts like 12. I, also, think she has some mental illness or issue. I am tired of being blamed for things that I have not done either.

Cheuax profile image

Cheuax 2 years ago

Being blamed for something you didn't do sucks. I remember when I threatened to commit suicide after being blamed for a pretty petty issue I hadn't done. I was young and joking, but it came out far worse than I hoped. You know how " he is suicidal" is ugly a tag!?

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Lady Guenevere

I am deeply sorry to hear that your daughter has caused you so much pain and suffering. Being blamed for something you have not done is bad enough when it comes from someone not in the family. But when blame is unjustified, as in your case, by a family member and especially your own child, the sting becomes unbelievably painful. You have distanced yourself from your daughter, both her doing and now yours, which I personally think is a healthy decision on your part.

One day, hopefully, she will learn and recognize her wrong-doing. Until then (if it ever happens), it looks like you are taking responsibility for yourself by your decision. It's now time for you to concentrate on you! Giving yourself more love to fill up the holes of unfairness and past damage is a good way to start. I would also like to add one more step. And this is a difficult one.

You must forgive her. By doing this, the pain that has been emotionally inflicted upon you will disappear. You aren't condoning her past behavior. Not at all. You are showing increased love for yourself as you refuse to spend even one second dwelling on her insecure, mistakes. Remember, whether you know it or not, every time you allow your mind to re-play her evilness, you live all the hurt and pain again and again.

Let it go. Let her go. For now that is the kindest step you can take to begin the healing process.

Hugs - Audrey


You bet it sucks - I have been there like you couldn't imagine. I also finally, after crying myself to sleep for a very long time, decided to stop giving this person further power over me. As hard as it was, I completely forgave her, and refused to every think about it again. Every time my mind began to re-play the evil lie this person told about me, I would shout the word "STOP" to my brain. Then I would switch to a loving and beautiful thought.

Forgiveness is the most powerful mental tool we have. We don't use it near enough. Our ego's are always present to remind us how we didn't deserve to be blamed for something we did not do.

But forgiveness will set us free. It's the only way we can be set free. We resist doing this because wounds run deep and we want retaliation. When we want peace more than getting even, then it comes and stays. Sending you hugs - Audrey

Makeitcount 23 months ago

Thank you for this post. I've been accused of some items by the same person, who is younger and less experienced in my industry and profession, who loves claiming their own existence and achievement, The elders of this business always seem to assume I've done it which is greatly insulting given my effort and contribution to the business. I have the tendency to get frustrated (mainly from shock) and refute it in a controlled manner, however always get upset later, making me want to take massive action given my work is always performed with the utmost professionalism (and pride myself on it) so being accused of the opposite, even to the point that it could affect professional relationships I have spent 10 years plus building upsets me massively.

Knowing that my conscience is clear and I'm not capable of the accusations, your article has helped me on the day of it process, calm myself, identify the motivation of the accuser, and plan for the time ahead , my thoughts and my actions with greater precision and clarity (and intention) . Thank you for your effort and've turned my disappointment and slight despair into something constructive to take a different path. .

Andrew 23 months ago

my humble opinion for probably the best way to react is to remain unfettered and unaffected. Yes, there may be drama and finger pointing even when it's not one's fault, but we can choose not to be. bottom line, I think it is best for everyone by conducting oneself in a more 'noble' manner.


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vocalcoach 23 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author


Thank you for being here and for sharing your story. It will certainly be a big help to others. You are kind to let me know that my article has helped to turn your disappointment into a constructive path for you to take. This is important to me. I wish you continued growth in this area and invite you to look at my other articles as well. Live with joy! Audrey (vocalcoach)

Hi Andrew

I remember you from some of my other hubs. It's good to see you again. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I agree that nobility is always best. Joy to you! Audrey (vocalcoach)

rds 22 months ago

Great post. .. but ppl.. please stop saying if ur guilty you will get defensive. ..i have fought for my innocence for years. .. sometimes you stand up for what's right. ..ty...

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vocalcoach 22 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author


Thank you for being here. I appreciate your comments. Yes, standing up for what's right shows good character. You must defend yourself under the right circumstances.

Joss 22 months ago

I have a problem, a boy at my school has accused me of pushing him down a flight of steps and then kicking him and he is everything on here.

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vocalcoach 22 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author


Have you tried talking to him? It may be worth the effort to ask him why he is accusing you of this action. At least he will know that you are aware of his false accusation. He will probably stop after you confront him.

Sorry this has happened to you. Let me know how it goes.

Pwise 22 months ago

Thank you for this. Also a light bulb moment! It makes so much sense! I am also a victim of this. And am currently trying to learn not to be. After a v difficult breakup last Xmass I have tried my best to keep the family together ie: his parents & sister but his mum is one of these people u describe no matter how hard Iv tried she is v irrational and hurtful and does these things In front of my 6 year old son which upsets him. She uses her own daughter who for the last 19 year has basically been my sister. His mum lies saying Iv said things which I haven't makes things up and assumes things without talking with me! This has sent her own daughter into depression as she loves my gorgeous son deeply. His sister naturally wants to believe her mum and is finding it very difficult believing what she is doing so disappears to her Lonely London flat on her own. It's heartbreaking! The ex knows she is doing this but hides and runs away from it all. Again thank you for this post as it has made me realise all I can do is stay honest and truthful and hope that one day his sister will see through all the lies as it is impossible for me to avoid this person in my life. Again thank you!

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vocalcoach 21 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author


You've been living with a difficult situation. Being blamed for something you didn't do is painful. Knowing that my article has helped you brings me a feeling of gratitude. How kind of you to share this with me.

One day his sister will indeed see through all the lies but until that time, you are respecting yourself by staying honest and truthful. How proud of you I am. Loving yourself is a healthy way to go and will empower you as you strive to go forward.

Peace to you. Audrey Hunt

Zane 21 months ago

i got on netflix and found out some one was watching sex based shows on my acount i have that feeling that it was my sister or here friend thay slept over and them being 16 and 17 i got that feeling it was them being a christian i was like how mature having a wife my sister blames me im just messed up my wife is almost at divorce point?!?!?! i used the lyeing arms and hands still dident work?

Satish 19 months ago

Thanks for sharing I been blamed for something I am not I felt bad and do not know how to react so searched in google. It helped me lot

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vocalcoach 18 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hello Satish - Glad you found this hub on google and that it helped you. I'm sorry you were blamed for something you didn't do. This happens quite often to people. Peace and joy to you.

Blamee 16 months ago

Impossible to live in complete honesty. Your article pretty much pointed out he obvious w/o any real advice or helpful hints. This wasn't helpful.

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vocalcoach 15 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Blamee - Thank you for reading my article. I appreciate your comments and hope to see you again.


brie 15 months ago

I've been blamed for something so horrible .

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vocalcoach 12 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

brie - I'm sorry to hear this. I hope this article has helped and that you are dealing with the situation. It hurts to be blamed for something that you didn't do.

melissacombs 11 months ago

Hi I never knew how sick my family was until they started lying about me in order for mental hospitals to keep me. That's just crazy and the workers believe them. I am still in mental treatment for false accusations. I live with my parents and they use the shit out of me and walk all over me. I feel like I can't disassociate because they are poor and couldn't make it without me but they do take advantage. I don't know how to help my parents and the mental workers who became victims for believing them. I don't want to tell anyone I'm afraid they would go to jail. So I just let them rule over me with lies lies nothing but lies.

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vocalcoach 11 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

melissacombs - I'm very sorry to hear about your dilemma. Thank you for reading my article and leaving a reply. Helping your parents to change behavior patterns is not your responsibility - it's theirs. I wish you the best.

pojo1 9 months ago

I recently was accused of something i didn't husband and I were in the grocery store and were in separate aisles while I was looking for a special brand of popcorn that only he eats. While I was looking there was a very tall male employee hovering over me which made it quite hard to find the right this point he asked me if he could help me so I said yes and gave him the name of the popcorn and that's it. So husband storms out of the store and accuses me of flirting with this employee for 4 long minutes, where in fact it was literally a ten second conversation. In the car ride home, he yelled and screamed and told me that I'm just like my sister and that I'm a cheat, liar and ingrate. I pleaded with him that he's mistaken and that he should even review the store video but nothing changed his mind. As of now he has not spoken to me and has moved out of the house. I am completely shocked with his strange behavior and can't understand why he is doing this to me. I have never done him wrong in our 10 years of marriage. I am recovering from aggressive breast cancer and he has been here for me through this 24/ a matter of fact I haven't even had reconstructive surgery yet. I can't imagine what is going through his head and as it seems he wants nothing to do with me and has cut off all communication. I am completely devastated.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 9 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

I'm so very sorry to hear about the unfair treatment of your husband. He obviously is looking for a reason to leave the marriage. It's not your fault. I'm also sorry that you've had to go through breast cancer. I wish you a healthey recovery and happiness in your future. You can move on and go forward knowing you have done nothing wrong. Write me anytime. I am always here for you for support.


pojo1 9 months ago

Thank you are very kind. After days of conversing back and forth I feel he is ready to put this behind him. He told me he's very jealous and that he honestly believes that I was flirting with this man, which is simply not true! I spoke to this employee literally for ten seconds for a brand of popcorn! After this traumatic episode, I'm on high alert for years to come...he truly broke my trust with his strange behavior. I know see he has deep mental issues that can appear at anytime. Hopefully won't see it happen for another 10 years!

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vocalcoach 9 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author


Jealousy is destructive, forcing the person to lie and go to any lengthi to 'punish' the guilty transgressor. They are a victim of their own low-esteem.While their unjustified blame causes the innocent person to live forever with a new found mis-trust. So sorry this happened. And sad that you have been left in a position of high-alert.

I have an article I'd like you to read. The words "you are a diamond" are in the title.

Thank you.


pojo1 9 months ago

Thanks is a beautiful article.

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vocalcoach 9 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

pojoi - Thank you for reading my article. YOU are truly a diamond and nev er doubt that you are. I feel a connection to you and am grateful to have found you on HP. I'm eager now to look at your hubs and intend to visit you right now!

My best to you, new friend.


sam 9 months ago

you sum times gait blamed for something and some people don't bi live you

Zhfz profile image

Zhfz 9 months ago

Since i was a child being blamed and punished are the only things that i can recalled and until today the blamed never stop. The only thing changes now is how I view it as opporturnity rather than misery. Somehow 'punished first ask never' was my life theme and being misunderstood is a daily task.

What I wasnt realized, Its develop my maturity faster and throughout the hardship, and now I work with the same qualification and level with the people who works 20years earlier than me. Nevertheless, most of my surbordinate now are develop greatly and majority are older than me. Its might looks as i got a big jackpot to others but Its the rewards for my past endurance.

All im saying, for who are googling for this article. Its not easy and when I was strugling, I know i wished someone who atleast understand my situation as a guide, I almost drown to my doom several times to end this misery. In contrary of what the norm being pushed to depression state, most of the time I look normal and the only times which you can see I looked like a mess is when no one around.

All I can say is only you can make it better. If you are strugling and want to talk to someone or want to know what im going thru and how I get around just cntact me .

P/S English not my native language but Ill try my best to communicate :) and one thing I believe as growing up. Everybody has their own part of the blame it not your fault if they cant see it and be grateful that you able to see it, you can stop doing it to others.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 9 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Sam -'s too bad that others don't believe us when we are innocent.

Thank you for being here and I invite you to visit my other articles.

Zhfz - I understand how difficult it is to grow up with being blamed and explain later. It's not fair. Still you have grown to rise above the unfairness. You write english well and keep writing my friend. Thank you!

bretto 8 months ago

Nice article but you didn't put in here how to help a person with this disorder

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vocalcoach 8 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Thanks bretto. Actually this article is not about the disorder itself but how to "Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do." I suggest doing search for the disorder itself.

Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 6 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Wow I must share this article with my partner who has a son-in-law who is just like you described: A Narcissistic Personality with at least 6 of the 8 symptoms that you mentioned. I stay calm just smile and listen when he is around, which very very seldom.Thank goodness. He is never aware about others their ideas or interest and never asks anyway. What a bore. I often wonder what lessons his wife is needing to learn. I know that for me I have to focus on anything that might be positive in him, or stay silent.

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vocalcoach 6 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hi Nadine

What a pleasure to see you! These types of personalities are impossible to live with (I tried for 4 long years.) You just can't win regardless of how hard you try.

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colorfulone 4 months ago from Minnesota

I could have used this information years ago. Thankfully, I did eliminate some people from my life and I'm happy, and they aren't. Very good article, vocalcoach.

stella 3 months ago

This is a great article about nacissistic personality disorder. I vow nerver to get in this kind of situation again. I did that with my first marriage and have learned to live without that Joy and Happiness. Stella

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vocalcoach 3 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author


Thanks for giving my article a thumbs up. Eliminating people from our lives who bring us unhappiness is a healthy step towards a more fulfilling way to live. Sometimes this is a difficult thing to do. Good for you!


Hello. Thank you for reading my article and for the great comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You've made a good promise to yourself. I'm with you all the way!

Happy days Stella.


jtrader profile image

jtrader 2 months ago

Good points for people who have suffered at the hands of blamers who sometimes are sadists too. It is unfortunate but I honestly believe the number of people in our society with this type of mental disorder (narcissism) is increasing.

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vocalcoach 2 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Sadly I agree with you. Mental disorders seem to be at an all time high. Narcissism tops the list. Thank you for being here.

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 months ago from West Virginia

When I wrote about my life, my mother and daughters said some really nasty things about me. My mother has blamed me for many thing. I wrote my life in a blog. People kept telling me that they thought that she has a mental disorder and so I didn't believe it. Hey, it is my family and not someone else doing this. Little did I know, but all the things in this are pointing to the fact that she may have one of those and my 2 daughters are toting her stuff and blaming me for things that I have never done too. Not only have I never done them, I wasn't anywhere near or even knew the people that I was said to have done anything with or about. I ended up changing my blog to appease her and then some of my internet frieds told me that I should not have had the urge to do it. They were right. I had to make the painful decision to not talk to my mother and daughters anymore. It is a very painful situation.

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 months ago from West Virginia

I tried to pin this and was stopped because they said that they blockied it because it may lead to spam.

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hi Lady

So very sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something you didn't do. Hold your head high knowing you are innocent. Be the bigger person in your family. Show them by examples of love, patience and self-respect that they made a terrible mistake.

Thanks for attempting to pin my hub. I wonder why it was blocked as spam?

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 months ago from West Virginia

Well I have other family members that do believe me and they are outraged at how I am being treated. Thit in itself is comfort enough. I am going to add your article to my latest blog post and I hope that those who do read my life story will also read this here as well. I am not supposed to mention my mom or that I even have a mom and...they have wped me off their world. She also told me to to write or say anything, not just about her (which I hadn't before this) on Fasce Book or asnywehre on the computer. If she had her way I wouldn't even have a computer. I have had many ask me why I tokk my story off of HP and wehre did I put it and I tell them becasue they do want to read it. Sometimes and some people have thought that I am just angry and self absorbed, but my story only reflects how I have been treated. Some day I will write another chapter with all the things that I have learned about myself and why I do the things that I do. I have learned much. If you would like to read all my chapters and especially the last one you will find it on blogger at: A Life To Learn Not sure if you allow links.

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 months ago from West Virginia

Your hub or hubpages has malware in it. I am doing a whole computer virus scan right now. I could not get on Face Book after sharing this hub. I don't know what to tell you but it needs to be fixed somehow. I don't understand why HP would allow this and not tell you about it. 2 months ago

I don't know what happened on FaceBook and took this link down, but I still have it on my blog post. I just thought that you would like to know that.

What is this sign in stuff now. I am already signed into my account.

Rangoon House 8 weeks ago

Thank you for your insight Audrey. Dealing with all the different personality and character types can make interaction a mine field. I guess we all have to love and trust until proven wrong, and hope that time of judgement won't happen, but it's good to have some prior understanding.

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vocalcoach 7 weeks ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Lady Guinevere

Thanks for trying to post my hub on face book. I think sometimes both hubpages and facebook get some kind of a glitch and everything goes wrong. But glad you were able to post on your blog. I'll check it out.

This 'sign in' business is ridiculous. What next?

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 7 weeks ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Rangoon House

Thank you so much for reading this and commenting. To love and trust others isn't always easy. Especially when the tables are turned and that trust is broken.

Still, the reward for loving even those that tell lies about us, is deeper happiness. Forgiveness lightens our own burdens.

Come back soon.


LVJ 3 weeks ago

I really don't see what a story book has to do with any of this quite honestly...

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vocalcoach 2 weeks ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Thank you for reading my hub. I look forward to seeing you again.

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    Audrey Hunt (vocalcoach)1,688 Followers
    189 Articles

    A product of a dysfunctional family, Audrey's burning desire to help others to love themselves led her to the study of psychology at UCLA.

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