RelationshipsPhysical IntimacyFriendshipBreakupsDatingRelationship ProblemsSocial Skills & EtiquetteGender and SexualityRelationship AdviceLoveCompatibilitySingle Life

How to Cope With Being Blamed For Something You Didn't Do

Updated on October 8, 2016
vocalcoach profile image

Audrey's burning desire to help others to respect and understand themselves led her to the study of psychology at UCLA.

"It's Not My Fault." -- Being the Victim of a Narcissistic Personality

Most blamers see nothing wrong in blaming others for anything and everything. When things go wrong in their own lives, someone else is always to blame -- nothing is ever their fault. They tend to be irrational; therefore you can't reason with them. Don't even try.

It's best to avoid this type of personality (narcissistic), as this disorder includes being negative, which can have a destructive affect on you.

Unfortunately, I have a family member who fits this type of personality. It has taken me a lifetime to recognize that she lives with a mental disorder. I became a victim by buying in to her belief system. I accepted criticism and verbal abuse. I felt sorry for her because she had a rough childhood. I found myself walking on eggshells with every conversation.

Don't become a victim of a negative personality. It can literally ruin your life, especially if you and your accuser are related or are close friends.

You may even be better off by choosing to disassociate (and thereby severing) the toxic relationship. If you find that you just can't do this, at least set up specific boundaries to protect yourself.

The Truth Will Set You Free

At one time or another, most of us are blamed for something we didn't do. It feels unjust and unfair. And, it is. Even though we may be completely guiltless, we feel guilty.

Here's what you'll hopefully learn about in this article:

  • Why it's about the accuser and not you
  • Why all that matters is the truth
  • Being a victim of narcissistic personality
  • Knowledge is power when dealing with negative personalities
  • 7 key signs of a blamer
  • Narcissistic personality disorder criteria
  • The common body language of liars

The Accusation is a Reflection of Your Accuser, Not You

I've learned that anyone who accuses us of improper behavior and lies isn't really worth worrying about. Your accuser has personal issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. At the time you are being blamed, knowing this may not help much. Even so, it is true.

Often, jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem are coursing through a liar's veins. The only way they can feel their own importance is to gossip viciously about other people, bringing them down so that they themselves can feel better about who they are.

To intentionally accuse someone of doing something they know is a lie gives the liar a feeling of importance. Feel sorry for them, my friend. They are miserable individuals and cannot find joy within. They are unable to feel good themselves so they continue this endless road of slum and slime as they pass judgement and make up lies about other people.

You Don't Need to Prove Your Innocence

You do not need to prove your innocence to anyone if you are indeed innocent. You already know in your heart that you have clean hands. This is all that matters. It is not necessary to prove to anyone that you are not guilty. Do not fuel the evil fire by giving these lies power.

The Bible tells us to "Pray for those that despitefully use you." Whether you believe in the Holy Book or not, the advice is good. Only by feeling love for our enemies (anyone who is against us) can we be free. So try to forgive and that includes forgetting.

Is this easy? No, it isn't. In fact, it's hard...very hard. But if you can grow to this level it will help you to feel peace as you struggle through a difficult time. Have patience, both with yourself and your accuser. The truth will eventually be known, and it is truth that will set you free.

Learning New Strategies for Dealing With Blamers

Help is on the way. You're going to feel relieved as you learn how to deal and cope with destructive behavior. No longer will you have to be a victim of blame and negativity.

When I finally learned that I had been manipulated to believe that something was wrong with me I felt empowered with a sense of freedom. Though it wasn't easy to give up the close relationship between my sibling and me, it has been the best choice I ever made.

Armour yourself with knowledge. Like a bullet-proof vest, the toxic blame will bounce right off of you. The more aware you are, the better. You will avoid these types of relationships and save your self-esteem.

7 Key Signs of a Blamer

The following list will help you identify the signs and behaviors of a blamer:

  1. Pessimism. Pessimism is one of the sure signs of a blamer. No matter how positive you are, they will always find something bad to happen. There's often no talking them out of their negative thinking.
  2. Making excuses. Blamers are always making excuses for their own actions. They are very good at this.
  3. Passing the blame. Blamers will tend to always pass the blame on to someone else, while never taking responsibility for their actions.
  4. Quick temperament. Being quick-tempered can be another sign to watch for. Blamers are known to have short fuses.
  5. Takes credit. A blamer always insists on credit for being right. Oh, how they love to shout, "I told you so!"
  6. Betrayal. Being trust-worthy is not part of a blamer's character. They are typically back-stabbers. So, be very careful. If you don't want something you say to be repeated, then don't say it.
  7. Envy. Envy is the blamer's middle name. Any time you get something nice, they become angry and envious. This includes any success you might have. When you're sick or in pain, believe me -- they're happy. They may not realize this and in fact will deny it. Then, when you feel great and positive again, they may immediately remind you that "soon, bad things will happen, so don't get too comfortable."

Beware of people who automatically assume the fault is yours. After all, it could never be their fault. By the way, these people also love to play mind games. They rehearse their entire dialogue so they will be prepared for your next conversation. It's a full time job for them.

A Blamer Has A Quick Temper

A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse.
A quick temper is a sign of a blamer. They have a short fuse. | Source

Narcissistic Behavior: "It's All About Me"

One way to spot a blamer is by narcissistic behavior. If the person demonstrates signs of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), blaming others for personal problems in life feels normal to them.

Learning all we can about narcissism is beneficial in two ways.

  1. It provides us with an understanding of the behavior itself. In turn, we are better prepared to cope and deal with the effects of this disorder.
  2. We may even recognize some signs of narcissism in our own personalities and take steps to correct it. With awareness and desire, combined with some hard work, this disorder can be overcome. Seek the help of a qualified doctor.

Extreme selfishness is a red flag for identifying narcissism. While most of us tend to be a little on the selfish side, those with NPD carry it to a whole different extreme.

A reminder: "The greatest prize for life's labors isn't in material possessions or impressive accomplishments, but in the progress of personal character. You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward. Who you become is your greatest possession, make it your masterpiece! " -- Matt Moody phD, Social Psychologist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To give you more ammunition for how to cope with being blamed for something you didn't do, listed below are criteria for NPD.

  • A grandiose sense of self importance, exaggerating talents and achievements. Look for a feeling of superiority.
  • Hungers for excessive admiration and attention.
  • Has a sense of entitlement.
  • Displays arrogant behavior.
  • Really believes that others are jealous of them .
  • Lacks empathy for others.
  • Takes advantage of others to further self.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of power, love, or beauty.
  • Harbors feelings of jealousy

Is That Person Lying to You? Check Their Body Language

If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, check their body language. While there may be exceptions to the following tips, these are used by police and investigators:

  • Check the eyes. If the person avoids eye contact, that's a clue that he or she may be lying.
  • Watch the gestures and expression. If the gestures and expression don't match the verbal dialogue, that's another sign. Example: "I like you," while frowning.
  • A guilty person will get defensive.
  • Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying.
  • Touching the nose often can be a sign of lying.
  • Covering the mouth indicates deceit.
  • Be aware of eye movement. The eyes move to the left during a lie.
  • Watch out for body movement. When a person tells the truth they tend to lean forward. When they tell a lie they tend to lean backward.
  • Watch hand, arm, and leg movements. When lying, these body movements are stiff and restricted.
  • Pay attention to too many details given. Liars tend to go on and on to get you to believe them.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed above can also be demonstrated by someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, or guilt-ridden for another reason, can have these same reactions.

In Conclusion

If we live in such a way that we exemplify complete honesty, we develop integrity. This is the best way to ward off being blamed or accused in the first place. Honesty begins in childhood. Children learn best by example. Teach your children and your grandchildren the value of always being truthful.

The title for this Hub was inspired by a post in the HubPages forum on the same subject. Remembering a time when I once took the blame for something I didn't do (it was traumatic for me), I decided to share my thoughts and write a Hub about how to deal with this problem. I hope you've found it helpful.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain

Disclaimer

Please note:

The above article is my own personal opinion and not meant to defame, purge, humiliate, and or injure anyone. My desire is to provide support and help to the reader.

Thank you for being here. I welcome your comments.

What to do when you're the target for blame.

It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything
It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips For Managing People Who Blame Others For Everything

This is Bill Eddy's book filled with lots of practical methods for handling High Conflict People (HCPs) in any setting, including neighbor disputes, workplace conflicts, family battles, with strangers, etc. HCPs target those close to them and people in positions of authority, so in this book Bill focuses on what to do when YOU are the Target of Blame—and how to avoid (or prevent) being one for long.

It is organized around 12 key Tips (5 Do’s and 7 Don’ts), that simplify large concepts into small, easy-to-remember phrases when you’re under the stress of a high conflict dispute. This book is for the general public, so you can give it to anyone.

 

© 2012 Audrey Hunt

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Venus Rosen 7 days ago

      My little sister keeps attacking me. Scratching me, Hitting me, Slapping me and when I give her a little tap she cries. {Fake crying}. I try to explain to my parents that my sister is being a liar. They don't believe me. I get scratches and red marks all over my arms when she attacks me but my parent's don't do anything. She would lie about certain things and I end up getting the blame. What do I do? I am scared of her and I think one day she might go too far and actually hurt me to the point I bleed.

    • profile image

      Drama bae 4 weeks ago

      It's probably stupid but here's my story

      One of my friends had this bf a year older than her. He goes to a different school than us anow she got really upset one day because at his football tournament a girl from our school went up to him sand said my friend was gay and dating them. 5 people that I don't even know said it was me. Why would I do that I'm a strong supporters of lgbt+ and I have never even met her boyfriend. I don't know what other do nobody will talk to me. Her best friend told all our group it was me. A few peopen believe, etc but they won't go against her. Im so alone. I 4want to tell somebody buy the I'm really scared of the girl. We have had a few run insurance in the past and whenever I speak to one of her frienose she makes sure that I get hurt. I can't go on like this, but I just don't know what to do. If you could give ,evidence some advice it would rally help

    • profile image

      Mo 4 weeks ago

      My grandpa is racist and he's not biological grandpa and so my dad is Serbian and he called him Islamic and blamed it on me I think he forgot he said it and then I was like no grandma I didn't say that and then I got smacked so I just when with it

    • profile image

      John Fulkner 4 weeks ago

      Scare the Shit of him... give them a lesson of a time so they think 10 times before accusing, blaming or pointing a finger at you.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 5 weeks ago from Nashville Tn.

      Jayne

      I commend you for honoring yourself. Letting go of negative people, especially if they are your family, is so difficult. But just look at the courage you have. You should be proud of yourself - I am. Thank you and best wishes for a happy life.

    • profile image

      Jayne 5 weeks ago

      Hi, well my story has been since I was small. I feel my parents couldn't handle my older sisters, so they ignored there nasty words to me and my little brother. Well I was abused at school to the point were I was so low. Of course it was my fault so everyone said. So life continued and unfortunately my little brother is no longer with us we will never know the truth but my older sisters blamed me and treated me with ruthless actions and words. It broke my heart that that I was suffering on the passing of my brother and felt like I was taking on there suffering again on also. I know this isn't normal also I stood up for myself and know they taught at all and have spread rumors about me and ridicule me to save face. I am wise and didn't take it as my ex was an nariccist and I stood up to him . So I have been thru a lot. I see the pattern and just walk away its hard but I'm happier, they even ran me down to people at the funeral. couldn't get any lower than that. I do love them but I don't like them anymore and will never be close to them, they just don't get it.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 7 weeks ago from Nashville Tn.

      Glenn

      When others are in denial about this type of behavior there isn't much we can do. It's a sad state of affairs. We want to protect our friends from toxic people and it's disappointing when they don't listen. It takes courage to break off a life-long friendship even when go "south" so kudos to you!

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 7 weeks ago from Long Island, NY

      I had a friend who was like this. He was actually a life-long friend I knew since grade school. But in adult life he got worse and I considered him toxic and finally broke ties with him. Unfortunately many friends we have in common are still friends with him and fall prey to his shenanigans. They, themselves, are in denial and I can't reason with them.

    • profile image

      Vini sainudeen 2 months ago

      i am so revealed after reading this. It helped me to realize that I was in the right path when my teacher accused me. Thanks a lot dude.

    • profile image

      Curt dimi Grey 2 months ago

      Thank you, so much! This hub helps me to regain my strength and confidence after someone accused me of stealing her phone and it turns out that she frame me up for some amount that she needs.. I know that I can cope up with this through the help of our almighty GOD.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Anu

      I'm so sorry to hear your story. When you are blamed for something that is not your fault it's best to avoid trying to defend yourself. It does little good. Just walk away and say nothing or if you want to reply simply say "I'm not to blame." Try not to get into a discussion about the matter.

      Always live your life with integrity. By your actions you send a powerful message. Try not to replay hateful words of blame and labeling. You are a good person. Forgive others for the error of their ways and pay them no mind.

    • profile image

      Anu 3 months ago

      My mom told me I am not suppose to talk when she is talking.she accused me for something I didn't do,I let her say her parts and when I eventually wanted to claim my innocent she fired up and said I am talking,I am boiling over.then she said she thanked God I am not her first born she abused me for something that my twin sister did then she said I did something like that too.it was a simple thing like me telling the taxi driver to drive to the exact place we were going after I saw him trying to stop at the wrong destination my mom angrily said we Shud stop where the taxi driver had..that happened a year ago.she compared I and my twin sister to our elder sister saying they never gave her problems.she told me whether I liked it or not I would act as the society operate or else people would give me hell.(I am from Nigeria).She said if I don't do this I would eventually learn from my own story.i don't have any friends because I suffer from severe depression so I discussed sometimes with her.she used this to attack me my head is still swimming in disbelieve.she said I wasn't grateful that is why I told her I was depressed.she called me horrible things.i listened as she expected me to and felt like crying,all this because I tried to defend myself.when she went in for her prayers I heard her saying God should cast the evil spirit in my life away

    • profile image

      Julie 4 months ago

      I don't follow these "signs" of a liar. In my experience great liars are completely comfortable with their lies and you can't even tell. Half the time they actually believe it. I have been accused of things my whole life by horrible people and part of being shy and tired of being accused are "not looking in the eyes" "getting defensive." It's stressful. You can feel the build of how the person perceives you even when you've done nothing wrong, because it's this chain that other ppl have made you out to be and they feel they too should interrogate you. It's like not being able to breath and nothing you do right matters, but you just keep hoping that one day, oh but oh no, because you don't have a decent support system you're just barely getting by and who do you end up near when trying to build your life up and you're still in college?? Mentally ill people who weren't successful and try to take advantage of you and add on to the framing and issues. Fucking leave me the fuck alone. I can't wait until the day I have my diploma and a career and I can leave all the neigh sayers behind. I only hope all the anxiety I've felt since I was born wont haunt me in difficult situations at my job..there's mentally ill and then there's a bad environment. And the ladder sucks, because no matter how hard you work, no one believes in you.

    • profile image

      John 5 months ago

      "A guilty person will get defensive.

      Using humor or sarcasm is another sign of lying"

      You clearly have never been accused of a crime you didn't commit. The feeling is a mix of fury and tears. If you can manage to keep your cool, humor and sarcasm is an amazing way to show to accuser their folly without hurting their ego.

    • profile image

      Chris the best 5 months ago

      Audrey, I am in 6th grade and my friend has always blamed stuff on me, and my mom says I am a liar. She doesn't trust me anymore and she is going to send me to a different school. Please give me advice.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 5 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Daisy Starr 77

      Welcome to hub pages. I'm eager to read your articles. Now about this person who is giving you a hard time. If she's treating you this way now, it will probably get worse. Do you want this negative, time-consuming energy in your life?

      Save your kindness for people who appreciate you. You deserve better treatment. So glad this article has helped you. Thanks.

    • profile image

      Angel 5 months ago

      I'm a 7th grader with good grades but one day I skipped school on Friday and some boys were stealing and they blamed it on me and my other 2 friends, I know its a lie why would I do such a thing like that? I don't even talk to the 2 boys that blamed it on me and my friends. now the cops are looking for me, getting information of me, looking for my address and wanting me to go to court. what do I do? I'm a really nervous person near or with cops. Please help!!

    • profile image

      DaisyStarr79 5 months ago

      Hello! I just joined this site as member because I can related this article. Not long ago, I had really bad argument with my close friend. I made mistake to co sign with this friend to get a nice car. Then she is thinking about trade her car to mid-size suv. I felt that I helped her to find car almost two years ago and I felt she doesn't really appreciated me. So I didn't attack her anything. I used win-win situation and I encouraged her to trade with her car but it has to be without my name. I thought it was good idea because if she trade in without my name then I wouldn't be stuck with her for another five years on her car. She felt I pushed her. She decided to use silent treatment on me. It drives me crazy. It is like she is punishing me. I wasn't used to that. I did trying to reach out to her and want to have peace with her. I found a way to contact to email her. I asked her in a good way to solve issues with me. I told her I missed our friendship. I accidentally say I saw her daughter video on Facebook from one of my friends shared on news and also told her that she must be really proud of her. She just automatically blamed me for stalking her. She said she blocked me on her Facebook so she doesn't want me to find more information about her and her kids. I got mad and I decieded to ask her mom, her brother, and her close friend to unfriend with me to show her that I'm not stalker at all. Then she said I made it worst. All I want is to work it out with her. I read this article. I just learned "blaming" is one of the narcissist traits. Also I learned "silent treatment" is one of the narcissist too. I learned a lot lately from internet.

    • profile image

      Jim Monaghan 6 months ago

      My old girlfriend swears that i hacked into her computer and families and ruined there life's. I love these people and would never do that plus I DON'T no how to even send email im computer stupid PLESE HELP ME

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 6 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Hi Susan

      I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Hold on. You realize you are not to blame. Continue doing the right thing and be the bigger person. One day, it will pay off. You've already suffered plenty. Stop giving your accuser the power to control you by harboring anger. Time to let it go and move on. Good luck!

    • profile image

      Ben Kolthammer 6 months ago

      im ten years old ( as you can see from lack of punctuation) and i found this article amazing i was framed for beating the crap outta someone and i used this and found out that it was definately a lie the whole time

    • profile image

      Susan Y Barbato 7 months ago

      Omg! This was just unbelievable ! I have been going through this so long and I have been charged with assault and I am the victim of th type of person. She came at me yelling and I defended my self. I ended up with a broken nose and charged!Does not make sense. And all of my lifes property she has taken. Can you please help me out in some way?

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 7 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      PK

      Being blamed for something we didn't do is usually not about us. Regardless of what someone says or accuses us of doing we can learn to not take it personally. Is this easy? No. But it is possible. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a rough time. I send you good thoughts and wish you the best in your future.

    • profile image

      PK 7 months ago

      I am very troubled as the person who blames me is the person I love most, my mother. Through my childhood and her divorce, we have been through a lot together and always supported each other. Ever since my dad left and I came back from finishing undergrad, my Mom has been blaming me for anything and everything from the smallest things to all that has gone wrong in life whether it be losing my job in the Great Recession, delay in finishing my Master's, or her job dissatisfaction. She exhibits almost all the symptoms and body language pointed out in your article, lying so often to the point she can no longer differentiate between the truth and her fantasy lies. Once known for my "disgustingly optimistic" [:-)] and positive nature, I have lost that hope and drive, and I am unable to focus at school and work. She blames me for not spending enough time with her, so I take out time I had set aside for work, studies, and pretty much cutting off my social life to be with her, but then she continues to blame me for the same thing. After reading your article, I realize I spent too much effort trying to prove my innocence by keeping time logs, keeping my location history via mobile tracking, but she just dismisses all the evidence or changes the topic. I am unable to focus with so much blame, negativity, and toxicity at home. I don't know what to do. My current contract is ending, so I need to look for a job and this is the last chance for me to complete my degree. I am at the brink of losing my whole career if nothing is done soon. I can't leave or avoid her as she is very dependent on me, emotionally and physically.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 8 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      jaxx

      It's human nature to become defensive when blamed for something we didn't do. So sorry to know this happened to you.

    • profile image

      Jaxx 8 months ago

      I got defensive when I was accused for the second time. I absolutely did not do what I was accused of.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 8 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      lady poppy

      You've sure put up with a lot. Sounds to me like he is one insecure man. Hope it all works out for you.

    • profile image

      lady poppy 8 months ago

      Yes I have suffered under a toxic relationship with a man for over 12 years...who displays the above...who continually has blamed me for his misdemeanours...I gave my heart and soul to this man.. I left a beautiful home and my son for this man because he promised me love and a future...i never felt a love like it..I truly fell for him hook line and sinker...he wasnt good looking..he wasnt wealthy...he was very over weight ...but I adored him...my friends dint take to him..and thought I was off my rocker...but they could see I adored him,and as long as I was happy the accepted him...but he kept hurting me with his womanising ( saying that he did it when we werent seeing each other) which was a darn right lie...it continued for years into our relationship..I kept forgiving him..I know stupid...but I loved him...and he behaved for years then he did it again 2 years ago...and then out of the blue admitted what had happened and he regretted it...he always blamed me by saying that he didnt think I was serious about him...FFS!!! I lost a lot of money over him because he wanted to live in France..his dream..and I wanted to make it happen...so I bought the house...it then took me years to get back and whilst there waiting for him to come out I lived in a hell hole...always blaming me that it was my fault...so I came back...and he was hell to live with...he blamed me again...saying it was me...when actually I was walking on egg shells every day wondering what kind of mood he was going to be in when he got home from work...what an idiot I have been ..wasted so many of my years of my life....he is now on his own...not working...because he cause rifts at work and no one likes him..he has turned good friends away...he doesnt speak to his adult children,making excuses it is them that have turned against him...the saga goes on and I stuck it with him to help I thought..but he sucks me in with telling me he loves me then spits me out...I am a lovely lady who is a homemaker...genuine with so many friends...I am honest and trustworthy...why did I deserve this behaviour...I really tried I really tried ...so reading this blog spells it out very clearly for me...but why are there people like this in this world??

    • profile image

      bicol 8 months ago

      at school i got blamed for bulling someone. i know who did it and i told the teacher who did it but that personlied again and said they did not do it what do i do?

    • profile image

      Ron 9 months ago

      I've been avoiding accepting this behavior from the woman I fell in love with and reading this information is difficult to realize I have to let go and take care of myself.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 12 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Thank you for reading my hub. I look forward to seeing you again.

    • profile image

      LVJ 12 months ago

      I really don't see what a story book has to do with any of this quite honestly...

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 13 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Rangoon House

      Thank you so much for reading this and commenting. To love and trust others isn't always easy. Especially when the tables are turned and that trust is broken.

      Still, the reward for loving even those that tell lies about us, is deeper happiness. Forgiveness lightens our own burdens.

      Come back soon.

      Audrey

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 13 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Lady Guinevere

      Thanks for trying to post my hub on face book. I think sometimes both hubpages and facebook get some kind of a glitch and everything goes wrong. But glad you were able to post on your blog. I'll check it out.

      This 'sign in' business is ridiculous. What next?

    • profile image

      Rangoon House 13 months ago

      Thank you for your insight Audrey. Dealing with all the different personality and character types can make interaction a mine field. I guess we all have to love and trust until proven wrong, and hope that time of judgement won't happen, but it's good to have some prior understanding.

    • profile image

      ladyguinevere45@gmail.com 14 months ago

      I don't know what happened on FaceBook and took this link down, but I still have it on my blog post. I just thought that you would like to know that.

      What is this sign in stuff now. I am already signed into my account.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 14 months ago from West By God

      Your hub or hubpages has malware in it. I am doing a whole computer virus scan right now. I could not get on Face Book after sharing this hub. I don't know what to tell you but it needs to be fixed somehow. I don't understand why HP would allow this and not tell you about it.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 14 months ago from West By God

      Well I have other family members that do believe me and they are outraged at how I am being treated. Thit in itself is comfort enough. I am going to add your article to my latest blog post and I hope that those who do read my life story will also read this here as well. I am not supposed to mention my mom or that I even have a mom and...they have wped me off their world. She also told me to to write or say anything, not just about her (which I hadn't before this) on Fasce Book or asnywehre on the computer. If she had her way I wouldn't even have a computer. I have had many ask me why I tokk my story off of HP and wehre did I put it and I tell them becasue they do want to read it. Sometimes and some people have thought that I am just angry and self absorbed, but my story only reflects how I have been treated. Some day I will write another chapter with all the things that I have learned about myself and why I do the things that I do. I have learned much. If you would like to read all my chapters and especially the last one you will find it on blogger at: A Life To Learn Not sure if you allow links.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 14 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Hi Lady

      So very sorry to hear that you've been blamed for something you didn't do. Hold your head high knowing you are innocent. Be the bigger person in your family. Show them by examples of love, patience and self-respect that they made a terrible mistake.

      Thanks for attempting to pin my hub. I wonder why it was blocked as spam?

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 14 months ago from West By God

      I tried to pin this and was stopped because they said that they blockied it because it may lead to spam.

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 14 months ago from West By God

      When I wrote about my life, my mother and daughters said some really nasty things about me. My mother has blamed me for many thing. I wrote my life in a blog. People kept telling me that they thought that she has a mental disorder and so I didn't believe it. Hey, it is my family and not someone else doing this. Little did I know, but all the things in this are pointing to the fact that she may have one of those and my 2 daughters are toting her stuff and blaming me for things that I have never done too. Not only have I never done them, I wasn't anywhere near or even knew the people that I was said to have done anything with or about. I ended up changing my blog to appease her and then some of my internet frieds told me that I should not have had the urge to do it. They were right. I had to make the painful decision to not talk to my mother and daughters anymore. It is a very painful situation.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 14 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Sadly I agree with you. Mental disorders seem to be at an all time high. Narcissism tops the list. Thank you for being here.

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 14 months ago

      Good points for people who have suffered at the hands of blamers who sometimes are sadists too. It is unfortunate but I honestly believe the number of people in our society with this type of mental disorder (narcissism) is increasing.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 15 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Colorfulone

      Thanks for giving my article a thumbs up. Eliminating people from our lives who bring us unhappiness is a healthy step towards a more fulfilling way to live. Sometimes this is a difficult thing to do. Good for you!

      Stella

      Hello. Thank you for reading my article and for the great comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You've made a good promise to yourself. I'm with you all the way!

      Happy days Stella.

      Audrey

    • profile image

      stella 15 months ago

      This is a great article about nacissistic personality disorder. I vow nerver to get in this kind of situation again. I did that with my first marriage and have learned to live without that Joy and Happiness. Stella

    • colorfulone profile image

      Susie Lehto 16 months ago from Minnesota

      I could have used this information years ago. Thankfully, I did eliminate some people from my life and I'm happy, and they aren't. Very good article, vocalcoach.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 18 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Hi Nadine

      What a pleasure to see you! These types of personalities are impossible to live with (I tried for 4 long years.) You just can't win regardless of how hard you try.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 18 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Wow I must share this article with my partner who has a son-in-law who is just like you described: A Narcissistic Personality with at least 6 of the 8 symptoms that you mentioned. I stay calm just smile and listen when he is around, which very very seldom.Thank goodness. He is never aware about others their ideas or interest and never asks anyway. What a bore. I often wonder what lessons his wife is needing to learn. I know that for me I have to focus on anything that might be positive in him, or stay silent.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 20 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Thanks bretto. Actually this article is not about the disorder itself but how to "Cope With Being Blamed for Something You Didn't Do." I suggest doing search for the disorder itself.

    • profile image

      bretto 20 months ago

      Nice article but you didn't put in here how to help a person with this disorder

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 21 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Sam - Yes...it's too bad that others don't believe us when we are innocent.

      Thank you for being here and I invite you to visit my other articles.

      Zhfz - I understand how difficult it is to grow up with being blamed and explain later. It's not fair. Still you have grown to rise above the unfairness. You write english well and keep writing my friend. Thank you!

    • Zhfz profile image

      Zainol Hafz 21 months ago

      Since i was a child being blamed and punished are the only things that i can recalled and until today the blamed never stop. The only thing changes now is how I view it as opporturnity rather than misery. Somehow 'punished first ask never' was my life theme and being misunderstood is a daily task.

      What I wasnt realized, Its develop my maturity faster and throughout the hardship, and now I work with the same qualification and level with the people who works 20years earlier than me. Nevertheless, most of my surbordinate now are develop greatly and majority are older than me. Its might looks as i got a big jackpot to others but Its the rewards for my past endurance.

      All im saying, for who are googling for this article. Its not easy and when I was strugling, I know i wished someone who atleast understand my situation as a guide, I almost drown to my doom several times to end this misery. In contrary of what the norm being pushed to depression state, most of the time I look normal and the only times which you can see I looked like a mess is when no one around.

      All I can say is only you can make it better. If you are strugling and want to talk to someone or want to know what im going thru and how I get around just cntact me .

      P/S English not my native language but Ill try my best to communicate :) and one thing I believe as growing up. Everybody has their own part of the blame it not your fault if they cant see it and be grateful that you able to see it, you can stop doing it to others.

    • profile image

      sam 21 months ago

      you sum times gait blamed for something and some people don't bi live you

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 21 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      pojoi - Thank you for reading my article. YOU are truly a diamond and nev er doubt that you are. I feel a connection to you and am grateful to have found you on HP. I'm eager now to look at your hubs and intend to visit you right now!

      My best to you, new friend.

      Audrey

    • profile image

      pojo1 21 months ago

      Thanks Audrey...it is a beautiful article.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 21 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      polo1

      Jealousy is destructive, forcing the person to lie and go to any lengthi to 'punish' the guilty transgressor. They are a victim of their own low-esteem.While their unjustified blame causes the innocent person to live forever with a new found mis-trust. So sorry this happened. And sad that you have been left in a position of high-alert.

      I have an article I'd like you to read. The words "you are a diamond" are in the title.

      Thank you.

      Audrey

    • profile image

      pojo1 21 months ago

      Thank you Audrey...you are very kind. After days of conversing back and forth I feel he is ready to put this behind him. He told me he's very jealous and that he honestly believes that I was flirting with this man, which is simply not true! I spoke to this employee literally for ten seconds for a brand of popcorn! After this traumatic episode, I'm on high alert for years to come...he truly broke my trust with his strange behavior. I know see he has deep mental issues that can appear at anytime. Hopefully won't see it happen for another 10 years!

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 21 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      I'm so very sorry to hear about the unfair treatment of your husband. He obviously is looking for a reason to leave the marriage. It's not your fault. I'm also sorry that you've had to go through breast cancer. I wish you a healthey recovery and happiness in your future. You can move on and go forward knowing you have done nothing wrong. Write me anytime. I am always here for you for support.

      Audrey

    • profile image

      pojo1 21 months ago

      I recently was accused of something i didn't do..my husband and I were in the grocery store and were in separate aisles while I was looking for a special brand of popcorn that only he eats. While I was looking there was a very tall male employee hovering over me which made it quite hard to find the right brand..at this point he asked me if he could help me so I said yes and gave him the name of the popcorn and that's it. So husband storms out of the store and accuses me of flirting with this employee for 4 long minutes, where in fact it was literally a ten second conversation. In the car ride home, he yelled and screamed and told me that I'm just like my sister and that I'm a cheat, liar and ingrate. I pleaded with him that he's mistaken and that he should even review the store video but nothing changed his mind. As of now he has not spoken to me and has moved out of the house. I am completely shocked with his strange behavior and can't understand why he is doing this to me. I have never done him wrong in our 10 years of marriage. I am recovering from aggressive breast cancer and he has been here for me through this 24/7...in a matter of fact I haven't even had reconstructive surgery yet. I can't imagine what is going through his head and as it seems he wants nothing to do with me and has cut off all communication. I am completely devastated.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 23 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      melissacombs - I'm very sorry to hear about your dilemma. Thank you for reading my article and leaving a reply. Helping your parents to change behavior patterns is not your responsibility - it's theirs. I wish you the best.

    • profile image

      melissacombs 23 months ago

      Hi I never knew how sick my family was until they started lying about me in order for mental hospitals to keep me. That's just crazy and the workers believe them. I am still in mental treatment for false accusations. I live with my parents and they use the shit out of me and walk all over me. I feel like I can't disassociate because they are poor and couldn't make it without me but they do take advantage. I don't know how to help my parents and the mental workers who became victims for believing them. I don't want to tell anyone I'm afraid they would go to jail. So I just let them rule over me with lies lies nothing but lies.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      brie - I'm sorry to hear this. I hope this article has helped and that you are dealing with the situation. It hurts to be blamed for something that you didn't do.

    • profile image

      brie 2 years ago

      I've been blamed for something so horrible .

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Blamee - Thank you for reading my article. I appreciate your comments and hope to see you again.

      Audrey

    • profile image

      Blamee 2 years ago

      Impossible to live in complete honesty. Your article pretty much pointed out he obvious w/o any real advice or helpful hints. This wasn't helpful.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Hello Satish - Glad you found this hub on google and that it helped you. I'm sorry you were blamed for something you didn't do. This happens quite often to people. Peace and joy to you.

    • profile image

      Satish 2 years ago

      Thanks for sharing I been blamed for something I am not I felt bad and do not know how to react so searched in google. It helped me lot

    • profile image

      Zane 2 years ago

      i got on netflix and found out some one was watching sex based shows on my acount i have that feeling that it was my sister or here friend thay slept over and them being 16 and 17 i got that feeling it was them being a christian i was like how mature having a wife my sister blames me im just messed up my wife is almost at divorce point?!?!?! i used the lyeing arms and hands still dident work?

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Pwise

      You've been living with a difficult situation. Being blamed for something you didn't do is painful. Knowing that my article has helped you brings me a feeling of gratitude. How kind of you to share this with me.

      One day his sister will indeed see through all the lies but until that time, you are respecting yourself by staying honest and truthful. How proud of you I am. Loving yourself is a healthy way to go and will empower you as you strive to go forward.

      Peace to you. Audrey Hunt

    • profile image

      Pwise 2 years ago

      Thank you for this. Also a light bulb moment! It makes so much sense! I am also a victim of this. And am currently trying to learn not to be. After a v difficult breakup last Xmass I have tried my best to keep the family together ie: his parents & sister but his mum is one of these people u describe no matter how hard Iv tried she is v irrational and hurtful and does these things In front of my 6 year old son which upsets him. She uses her own daughter who for the last 19 year has basically been my sister. His mum lies saying Iv said things which I haven't makes things up and assumes things without talking with me! This has sent her own daughter into depression as she loves my gorgeous son deeply. His sister naturally wants to believe her mum and is finding it very difficult believing what she is doing so disappears to her Lonely London flat on her own. It's heartbreaking! The ex knows she is doing this but hides and runs away from it all. Again thank you for this post as it has made me realise all I can do is stay honest and truthful and hope that one day his sister will see through all the lies as it is impossible for me to avoid this person in my life. Again thank you!

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Joss,

      Have you tried talking to him? It may be worth the effort to ask him why he is accusing you of this action. At least he will know that you are aware of his false accusation. He will probably stop after you confront him.

      Sorry this has happened to you. Let me know how it goes.

    • profile image

      Joss 2 years ago

      I have a problem, a boy at my school has accused me of pushing him down a flight of steps and then kicking him and he is everything on here.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      rds

      Thank you for being here. I appreciate your comments. Yes, standing up for what's right shows good character. You must defend yourself under the right circumstances.

    • profile image

      rds 2 years ago

      Great post. .. but ppl.. please stop saying if ur guilty you will get defensive. ..i have fought for my innocence for years. .. sometimes you stand up for what's right. ..ty...

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Makeitcount

      Thank you for being here and for sharing your story. It will certainly be a big help to others. You are kind to let me know that my article has helped to turn your disappointment into a constructive path for you to take. This is important to me. I wish you continued growth in this area and invite you to look at my other articles as well. Live with joy! Audrey (vocalcoach)

      Hi Andrew

      I remember you from some of my other hubs. It's good to see you again. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I agree that nobility is always best. Joy to you! Audrey (vocalcoach)

    • profile image

      Andrew 2 years ago

      my humble opinion for probably the best way to react is to remain unfettered and unaffected. Yes, there may be drama and finger pointing even when it's not one's fault, but we can choose not to be. bottom line, I think it is best for everyone by conducting oneself in a more 'noble' manner.

      A.

      https://plus.google.com/+AndrewTingLive/posts

    • profile image

      Makeitcount 2 years ago

      Thank you for this post. I've been accused of some items by the same person, who is younger and less experienced in my industry and profession, who loves claiming their own existence and achievement, The elders of this business always seem to assume I've done it which is greatly insulting given my effort and contribution to the business. I have the tendency to get frustrated (mainly from shock) and refute it in a controlled manner, however always get upset later, making me want to take massive action given my work is always performed with the utmost professionalism (and pride myself on it) so being accused of the opposite, even to the point that it could affect professional relationships I have spent 10 years plus building upsets me massively.

      Knowing that my conscience is clear and I'm not capable of the accusations, your article has helped me on the day of it occurring...to process, calm myself, identify the motivation of the accuser, and plan for the time ahead , my thoughts and my actions with greater precision and clarity (and intention) . Thank you for your effort and contribution..you've turned my disappointment and slight despair into something constructive to take a different path. .

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Lady Guenevere

      I am deeply sorry to hear that your daughter has caused you so much pain and suffering. Being blamed for something you have not done is bad enough when it comes from someone not in the family. But when blame is unjustified, as in your case, by a family member and especially your own child, the sting becomes unbelievably painful. You have distanced yourself from your daughter, both her doing and now yours, which I personally think is a healthy decision on your part.

      One day, hopefully, she will learn and recognize her wrong-doing. Until then (if it ever happens), it looks like you are taking responsibility for yourself by your decision. It's now time for you to concentrate on you! Giving yourself more love to fill up the holes of unfairness and past damage is a good way to start. I would also like to add one more step. And this is a difficult one.

      You must forgive her. By doing this, the pain that has been emotionally inflicted upon you will disappear. You aren't condoning her past behavior. Not at all. You are showing increased love for yourself as you refuse to spend even one second dwelling on her insecure, mistakes. Remember, whether you know it or not, every time you allow your mind to re-play her evilness, you live all the hurt and pain again and again.

      Let it go. Let her go. For now that is the kindest step you can take to begin the healing process.

      Hugs - Audrey

      Cheuax

      You bet it sucks - I have been there like you couldn't imagine. I also finally, after crying myself to sleep for a very long time, decided to stop giving this person further power over me. As hard as it was, I completely forgave her, and refused to every think about it again. Every time my mind began to re-play the evil lie this person told about me, I would shout the word "STOP" to my brain. Then I would switch to a loving and beautiful thought.

      Forgiveness is the most powerful mental tool we have. We don't use it near enough. Our ego's are always present to remind us how we didn't deserve to be blamed for something we did not do.

      But forgiveness will set us free. It's the only way we can be set free. We resist doing this because wounds run deep and we want retaliation. When we want peace more than getting even, then it comes and stays. Sending you hugs - Audrey

    • Cheuax profile image

      Will-I-Am II 3 years ago

      Being blamed for something you didn't do sucks. I remember when I threatened to commit suicide after being blamed for a pretty petty issue I hadn't done. I was young and joking, but it came out far worse than I hoped. You know how " he is suicidal" is ugly a tag!?

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 3 years ago from West By God

      I really needed this advice today. My dad passed away on Tuesday and all the family got together on Friday. Mom always blamed me for telling others about her stuff and I never did. That made me warey of her tactics. I do not tell anyone anything about anything that she does. She supposedly thinks that I spread gossip on the Face Book. Then my dad got on and found that I do not. Now he is gone and I really am missing him right now. I was the first that he would call if something happened because he said that I was the oldest and it is right to tell the oldest first. Mom did not do this when my dad passed. Long story short I am treated as some sort of outcast. Now my daughter fits everything in your article. I do not have to distance myself from her because she already has stopped answering any of my calls and has blocked me from her FB page. One other thing about these types of people is that they revel in their so called punishment of others. I hugged her goodbye and whispered in her ear that I was blocked from her page. I knew that she did but sometimes FB goes screwy so I wanted confirmations. She grinned and said Yes, I did in a very condescending voice. When I called her to tell her that her grandpa passed and it was late at night when I got the news....she was just mad because I woke her up. Grrr. She is going to be sorry for writing people out of her life. She thinks that by pushing me awy that I will not know what she is doing...she is soooo wrong. I am and always will be her mother, weather she likes it or not. I found out that someone else knew a huge secret that I was not to tell anyone about her. How that someone else knew, we cannot figure out. I hate being held over a barrel that way. We finally, on our 2 hours trip home, decided to let her go because she thinks I am suffering, when in the end it will be her. Oh and I caught her in a big lie about what she is telling others about me. I am getting off the eggshells and the roller coaster with her. She is 34 and acts like 12. I, also, think she has some mental illness or issue. I am tired of being blamed for things that I have not done either.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      creativeangel - I love your name. Thanks for sharing your story with others. I'm sure this will be helpful to those who have gone through the same thing. I'm so sorry you had to live with all this blame, yelling and unfairness.

      Yes, there will always be scars. But you, my dear one, can rise above these scars. The first step is forgiveness. I'm sending you a hug.

      creativeangel - I am so glad that you took the courageous step to forgiveness. You are an example of how we should all be. Your happiness reflects your doing the right thing. Thank you, dear creativeangel, for being here. I hope I see you on one of my other hubs. I wish you happy days!

    • profile image

      creativeangel 3 years ago

      However, this was when I was young. My parents have changed a lot since then and I am thankfully glad, I do have my own apartment, but I do visit often. Remember, sometimes you can make up for what you do. If someone accused you of something, it is life. It is loads easier if you forgive them. I gave my parents a second chance and they took it well. I am thankful for that and I could never be happier! I hope the same happens to you if you were accused by a loved one. :)

    • profile image

      creativeangel 3 years ago

      I remember when I was a child, my mom always accused me of stuff I never did. One time, we couldn't find her cat so she flipped out and started screaming at me until I was in tears that I locked her cat outside so she'd freeze and die. I kept telling her I didn't and that maybe my brother or sister had her; she wouldn't listen. She just kept screaming like she was in-denial and in the end, my sister had her. My mom used to post all this nice stuff on fb about my sister. She used to insult me rather than say anything nice to me. When my sister started college, my mom paid for everything. I'm on my last year of college and my mom has not paid anything whatsoever with my schooling. Another time, I was young then, about eight, I used to sometimes get a little bit of water on the floor in the bathroom. I ALWAYS used MY towels, getting them disgustingly dirty to mop up all the water. I always took less than 10 minute showers as well as closing the shower door EVERY time. However, each time, my dad always came up to me and screamed right in my face, calling me a liar whenever I told him I wasn't the one who had a lake in the bathroom. He screamed at me all the time and then, you know what he said? "I Hope your mom heard that" and then walked away. I was in tears for a long time after that as he just used me as an excuse to blame it all on me and he knew it was really my mom. My parents scare me and I am glad I moved out and have my own apartment. Liars are horrible and it is completely unfair when someone says something you didn't do. It is extremely unfair even if they are doing it on purpose and it is impossible to explain it to them. It is pure betrayal that they don't believe you; especially if it is a loved one. It leaves scars that never seem to go away and hatred that never fades.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      miriam smith - You are so right!

    • profile image

      miriam smith 3 years ago

      a liar is one of the worste persons on earth

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      None - It really is a shame when members of your own family cannot be trusted. Sometimes, good friends do the job. Thank you.

    • profile image

      None 3 years ago

      I found its best to avoid those people that cannot be trusted - too bad its most of my family!

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      ChristyWrites - It's too bad that we have to be on alert and check for body language when talking to another person. I'm glad you found these tips useful. Thanks.

      Dear Bobbi - I am so grateful for your advice. You've made some excellent points which I will follow. Respect. That's what it's all about isn't it? You are a wonderful example for me. I feel more empowered now. ~ my best to you ~ Audrey

      teaches12345 - Yes, confidence is everything. I like the quote " you teach others how to treat you." Can't remember where I saw this, but it's always stuck. Thank you ~ Audrey

      Laceylinks - It's a terrible thing to be put in a position where we have to cut ties with a sibling. I had to do this with my sister too. Hardest thing I've ever done (except for losing my son to cancer.) I know that you and I have done the right thing. Thanks so much ~ Audrey

      Sam - It's too bad that you sister follows this negative pattern. You deserve better.

      teacher's 1 ~ Thank you very much.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Daisy - A very good clue to look for with body language. Thanks so much for adding this. Clues like this add to the 'armor' we wear when looking for honesty. Happy days to you ~ Audrey

      DzyMsLizzy - Obviously you are an exception (I always suspected you were an exceptional person:) You bring out some valid points. I particularly like your final paragraph which I hope has been read by others. I'm sure you have been the mouthpiece for many others. Thank you.

    • profile image

      teacher's I 3 years ago

      Good stuff

    • profile image

      Sam 3 years ago

      The seven signs of a blamer perfectly described my little sister

    • Laceylinks profile image

      Mary Green 3 years ago from Alabama

      Personality disorders are so hard to deal with, this excellent Hub offers help and a new perspective. For years my sister pounded me emotionally until finally "the worm turned" and I cut the relationship. I regret not being able to have a sister-friend but I came to the realization long ago the reason wasn't me. The main thing I like about this Hub is the validation that I have the right to live happily and not allow anyone to emotionally manipulate and punish me. Thank you, Audrey!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      I voted the buttons on this excellent post. I find that you really have to be strong and confident in yourself to handle those negative influences. Your 7 signs is really good.

    • PurvisBobbi44 profile image

      PurvisBobbi44 3 years ago from Florida

      Hi,

      A great hub for anyone who might need this information. I have to say I never put up with anyone doing this---and they soon find that out. I told someone to take her negative low-glass self and leave my office. And, she did and I was never bothered with her again.

      I will not put up with this type of person---and yes I had a relative who acted like this---she is never invited to my house and when I have to see her I speak if I feel like or I just pass with a smile. I do not have time for disrespectful people.

      Great Hub Dear, and I am sorry you had to experience any foolishness from this person. Nip it in the bud at the beginning and do not worry about appearing less than a lady---straighten it out then. I feel if they do not care about my feeling---then they deserve my sharp tongue.

      Take care and have a great new week.

      Bobbi Purvis

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Very useful tips here, Audrey. I have dealt with negative people and it really is so hard to change them. Taking the higher road is the way to go. You offer some very useful tips for dealing with those type of people.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 3 years ago from Oakley, CA

      WOW--I'm shocked. I could be taken for an extreme liar based on that list of "clues"!! I use humor and sarcasm a lot--to defuse uncomfortable facts and situations, and often, in general, just to be funny: not because I'm lying. I was always shy, and easily intimidated by "authority figures" so I would lean away, to distance myself from the perceived threat; likewise, I avoid eye contact--most of the time, because I was raised not to 'stare at people,' and making constant eye contact while talking feels to me like staring. I suffer from hay fever, so I'm more or less "always" touching my nose to relieve an itch. I would also become defensively angry at being blamed for something I did not do--"righteous anger," if you will. "HOW DARE YOU even THINK that about me..."..etc...

      As Mark Twain so astutely observed in your quote, about the speed at which lies travel, I'm not too inclined to just blow it off, because in this day an age of instantaneous news and gossip dispersal, a person's life/livelihood can literally be ruined by false accusations.

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 3 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Audrey,

      This is a wonderful article, filled with so many truths. One other point regarding watching someone's body movement in determining whether they're lying...their eyes blink more than usual. Perhaps the person is trying to avoid looking at you during your conversation.

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Hi judith - Nice to see you here! Thanks.

    • profile image

      judith bechabe 4 years ago

      cool

    • vocalcoach profile image
      Author

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Naidy - Do not take the blame again for anything, period! Your boyfriend is extremely insecure and is constantly "pulling you down' to make him feel better about himself.

      It's unlikely that he will change without help from a professional. You must start loving yourself enough to say "enough!"

      This relationship is un-healthy. Let him go and respect yourself. Hold out for someone who will stop playing games with your head and give you the love, respect and maturity you deserve.

      Good luck!