How to Deal With Baby Mama Drama

Updated on June 12, 2018

So maybe your man has a child or two. That's not necessarily a problem. After all, it's the norm these days. He's a great provider and a responsible and caring parent. You even enjoy spending time with his kids. Your relationship continues to develop and you've discussed taking it to the next level. However, there's one huge problem—the baby's mama.

The Symptoms

She's calling at all hours of the night as if she has some type of radar that tells her when you and your man are in the middle of...sleeping. She's making unreasonable demands on his time and money. Her demands are way beyond what you would even ask of him. Maybe she's making rude comments or threats toward you. Long story short, you're not willing to put up with it anymore. It's causing a rift between you and your sweetheart and you have the sneaking suspicion she's enjoying every minute of it. But how do you put a stop to it? What's the cure for this baby mama drama?

Source

The Cause

Before you get to the cure, you have to understand the cause. Here are the 4 main reasons the baby's mama serves up the drama to you and your man:

  1. Proper limitations, restrictions, and boundaries in regards to communication and interaction between the father and baby's mama have not been established.
  2. The child is used as a tool of punishment and intimidation when interaction between the parents is strained or displeasing.
  3. The baby's mama may have a vendetta against the father because she feels she was in some way wronged during their relationship. Although she may insist that she doesn't care about his current relationship with you or any other woman, she doesn't think he deserves to be happy in his current relationship.
  4. She may feel she bares an unfair share of the responsibilities for raising the child and may resent the sacrifices she's made as the custodial parent.

Source

There Are Two Sides to Every Story

Check out this short video that highlights the dynamics of baby mama drama from the perspective of the baby mama. This young lady gives well-spoken tips and important warnings.

The Cure

Simply put, your man holds the key to the cure, not you. You have to face this fact: he must have a working relationship with his baby's mama in order to co-parent their child. And honestly, do you want to have a relationship with a man who's not interested in parenting his own child? The good news is he can have a healthy and appropriate co-parenting relationship with her while simultaneously having a loving, strong relationship with you without all the drama. Grown and mature men and women do it all the time. However, he's going to have to man up and make some changes. Remember, he is the key to the cure. No amount of nagging, pouting, and threatening break ups you do will effectuate a lasting change. Keep reading to find out what he can do to stop the drama and how you can stand by his side in support and love.

Step 1 - Check Yourself

Understand and keep this in the forefront of your mind - it's not about you or your relationship with your man. It's actually about his baby's mama and his relationship with her. Be it good, bad, or indifferent, she has a past with him. Something you probably know very little about or, at best, what you know is one-sided. So go easy on rendering judgments about her or their relationship.

Step 2 - Check Him

Even though you may not be willing to put up with the drama anymore, he has to be fed up with it too. In fact, he has to be more fed up with the drama than you. He has to be willing to do what is right and what is necessary. If he's not ready to "rock the boat" a little, then it's best to leave it alone until he gets to that point. If he's capable of managing the drama within the current circumstances, then he may not possess the fortitude to stand behind the decisions he will need to make in order to change things. Your part in the implementation of this step is not to convince him to do it but rather to allow him the latitude to be truthful even if it's not what you want to hear.

Step 3 - Get It In Writing

If he's not done so already, he should go through the proper (legal) process to substantiate visitation rights to his child. In this situation, words speak louder than actions- if the words are written, properly executed, and mandated by a judge. The document should be specific agreement as to when visitation should occur and how visits will be carried out, including parent communication and transportation (delivery and pick-up). A special note here - although it's tempting to play the queen bee, you should not insist on being allowed to participate in delivery and/or pick-up of the child. Trust him to handle it. It's not about you. Instead, try waiting at home for him to return with the kids while preparing for a special event or meal for you to share as a family.

Source

Step 4 - Learn The Lanes

Boundaries, limitations, and restrictions are important because they establish order. Just as clearly marked traffic lanes reduce auto crashes, order reduces baby mama drama. You also need a plan for response when boundaries are crossed. And with very few exceptions, you should always appropriately address (minus the eye rolling and attitude) or point out when boundaries are crossed . Especially in the beginning, it's important to be reminded of these boundaries and to stick to them. Let him establish the boundaries and ask him to share them with you. Do not make your own demands. Here are a few suggestions of areas to consider for restriction/boundaries:

  • Phone/Text communication - except for emergency situations, there should be no communication between the established hours of day/night.
  • Respect and Courtesy - refrain from bad-mouthing and name calling, especially in the presence of the child.
  • Protocol regarding relationships of opposite gender - how long should you wait to introduce to child? Are there certain events they should not attend (ie- birthday parties, school events)?

Step 5 - Walk The Talk

Here's the hardest part. In the most cordial means possible, he needs to have "the talk" with the baby mama and relay the boundaries to her. Preferably, he should choose a time to talk to her when they are on good terms, not in the heat of drama. He should allow her to give feedback and to adjust or add to the boundaries, if needed. As his woman, you have a very important part in this talk - do not be present. He has to do this alone and you have to trust him. Period. If it doesn't turn out as planned, let him know it's okay to back out. I know that's hard, but at the end of the day, if he's not ready to "walk the talk" or stick to the boundaries he proposes, the drama will undoubtedly increase and you may be in a worse position than when you started.

Who's To Blame?

Who do you think is to blame for most baby mama drama incidents?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)