How to Deal With Cheating in Relationships

Updated on April 27, 2018
Tina Talley profile image

Tina is a Marriage, Relationship, & Intimacy Life Coach. She has been cheated on by a partner.

Source

Here are some of the tips that helped me when I was cheated on in a relationship. I'm not going to say that it's easy to get over being cheated on because it's not especially if you want to stay with the person.

It’s Not Over

Just because your partner cheated on you doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. You can repair your relationship. You can still have a happy & healthy relationship after your partner cheats on you. You will have to be open as to why he cheated.

It’s Not Your Fault

Just because they cheated on you doesn’t mean it’s your fault. There was a choice made and you had NOTHING to do with it. Do not blame yourself because you didn’t make the choice to step out on the relationship. You were cheated on because it is something within your partner.

Forgiveness Takes Time

Please understand that after being cheated on, being able to forgive your partner takes time. They will have to understand that because of their actions, you are going to blame what they did in every argument until you are no longer hurt. The best thing is to try not to throw that situation in your partner's face.

Communication

Communicate with each other. Start a conversation like, "It hurt me that x, y, and z" or "I understand that you were caught up with work and you didn't have enough time for me" or even for the person who cheated should say something like this: "I understand my role in all of this, but I would like to explain why x, y, and z happened".

You do not have to share the details in how the cheating happened or even where it happened. It is up to you and your partner if you would like to know who they cheated with especially if it is someone that you both know.

Regain Trust

I understand that after your partner cheated, the trust is gone. There are ways that your partner can prove to you that they are now being faithful and won’t allow it to happen again. The last time (it was twice) my dude cheated on me I had a hard time trusting him again, and I thought I never would trust him again. He worked at night (still does work nights) and asked what could he do to prove to me that he wasn’t going to have another emotional relationship. I told him that he wasn’t stupid and that he could figure it out (I know it wasn't the best thing to say but I did say it out of anger). Well, he decided the only way he could prove to me was taking me to work with him since he is a janitor. At first, I didn’t understand why was he doing this since he’s never taken me to work with him before. It’s been two and a half years later and he still takes me to work with him a few nights a week and our relationship has gotten stronger. Try some things that could strengthen your relationship again. If you have to work late, give your partner a call (I know it sounds strange but a text isn't secure at this moment). At first, my partner used to randomly send me pictures of where he was. I knew he was trying; however, I felt that the situation was a little childish, and I didn't need pictures all day, every day. I commended him for trying, and I told him how proud of him I was for trying.

Let Go

I know this is easier said then done. In order to move on you have to let go. You are going to have to put trust back into your partner in order to grow. For your relationship to move past the hurt and pain you will eventually have to let it go.

Clean Slate/Start Fresh

Now that you are ready to be a couple again, start off with a clean slate as a couple. Start doing things again as a couple. Remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. Don’t be afraid to ask to be taken out on dates again and to be wooed.

I hope my tips have helped someone.

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© 2018 Tina Talley

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      8 months ago

      Each of us has our "boundaries" and "deal breakers".

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      The best thing to do in my opinion is to take a two week break and access how you really feel about the situation and determine whether or not your mate honestly regrets their actions and is showing contrition as well as asking for forgiveness.

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      Another thing to keep in mind is sometimes people offer to forgive because they're in "shock" and the idea of ending the relationship on top of discovering they've been cheated on is too much to bear.

      However weeks or months later they realize they can't "let it go" even if the cheater is bending over backwards to be transparent and going the extra mile in an attempt to win back their trust. This occurs when one really does not know what is a "deal breaker" for them self.

      Some people even stoop to doing some "revenge cheating". Both scenarios ultimately are about wasting time. Therefore probably the best thing one can do is (take a break) to sort out their feelings.

      "This above all, to thine own self be true." William Shakespeare

    working

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