How Cheating Wrecks a Marriage and Other Relationships

Updated on June 17, 2016
Husband and Wife
Husband and Wife | Source

Trust and Distrust

Trust is the foundation that marriage rests upon, but when it is broken, it often remains that way. A spouse can forgive, but that painful experience will lurk in the offended spouse’s mind. They won't want to let down their guards for fear that it could happen again. For some, it is easier to forgive than to forget. Trusting and getting hurt is bad enough. Who wants to walk blindly and chance it to happen again? It is not uncommon for a wounded spouse to put up barriers of protection.

Distrust is very common between the spouses when one has cheated. Distrust is like padding to lessen the blow if cheating happens again. It is hoarded like rare coins and not easy to give up. On the other hand, it is certainly not impossible to trust again, but it usually does not happen easily or quickly.

One victim of cheating said that, after she reconciled with her husband, the effects of infidelity were like a beautiful wedding cake that had been snatched by a starving dog that got away with the tier, the crowning part of the cake. Getting the trust back was as likely as finding that dog and hoping that he would regurgitate the tier intact. The remaining cake was still beautiful, but the unforgettable tier, the most attractive layer, could be forever gone and sorely missed. How could a loving spouse take such beauty away from a loved one he promised to cherish? Such pain is often indescribable.

Secure Family with Father's Protection
Secure Family with Father's Protection | Source
Wondering Why Father Abandoned Them
Wondering Why Father Abandoned Them | Source

Lives Affected

Cheating doesn't only affect marriage. Cheaters victimize relationships with children, loving friends, other close family members, and themselves. Both cheaters’ families may suffer from pain, embarrassment, and awareness of community gossip. Such scandals seem to lower the integrity of whole families in communities. Even though this is stereotyping, whole families may suffer because of it. Children do not want their parents to suffer. Mothers and fathers do not want their married daughters to hurt needlessly. A good friend does not want to witness her best friend's husband in a compromising situation with another women. A cousin or an aunt does not want to hear gossip about their loved one from outsiders in the community. A grandmother does not want to discover that her prized grandson is a cheater. Young people contemplating marriage one day may lose respect for the union due to all of the infidelities in society, and celebrity gossip coming through the media does not help either. All of these visible experiences are painful for many family members and others to bear when going through the effects of cheating.

Children may feel that their father or mother, who has chosen another family, has traded them for other children. Children, often the most wounded victims, suffer many years at the alienation of a parent from the family. Many children suffer silently and, too often, blame themselves. Sometimes the trauma spills over into the rest of their lives in the forms of various dysfunctions in their own families. It is clear that the forbidden pair and the innocent spouse are not the only ones affected by the unfaithfulness. Domino effects of such trauma could affect upcoming generations without proper intervention. Counseling is vital at this time, but most families fail to see the need for it.

The effects of cheating on the spouse can be lasting and may forever change her outlook on relationships and life. A second relationship or marriage could suffer repercussions stemming from the previous marriage if the victimized spouse has not healed. Many second husbands have reported spousal punishment because of the previous husband's errors. These scarred women, often severely misunderstood, are said to be "angry," "bitter," or "mad" when they are actually afraid, wounded, and not healed.

Children Suffer, too
Children Suffer, too | Source

Distrust Between Cheaters

The cheaters realize later, when the newness of their relationship wears off, that they had neither consideration for the feelings and health of the ones whom they love, nor did they consider their own best interests. If the cheaters marry, each may wonder if the other thinks affectionately about their spouses or even wishes to reconcile, and this may cause a tinge of jealousy. Where is the trust between cheaters? This is where blaming each other may occur. Wrong relationships do not easily become right ones.

The cheaters may accuse each other of seduction, lying, and using. They may even separate. The feelings of separation can be devastating even though both parties know that they are doing the right thing. Being alone, feeling the sting and loss resulting from poor decisions, feeling used and cheated of a normal life, and blaming each other, are all feelings that the couple often face after terminating their relationship. Trying to justify reasons to break up someone else’s home is short-lived. The truth has a way of worming its way out of individuals and staring into their eyes. Thus, the cheaters grow to realize that they are each other’s victims. A younger woman, especially, may accuse an older man, whom she may think should have been wiser, of taking advantage of her youth and lack of knowledge of possible consequences. Can they ever completely trust each other considering the damage that they have done to their families? Escalating fears may eventually lead to bad blood between the cheaters.

Blaming the Innocent Spouse

The forbidden couple has a tendency to cast blame on the innocent spouse(s) in order to throw off their own feelings of guilt. Sometimes they fight to keep the innocent party from getting any financial support and even may convince themselves that any children in the marriage are better off with them, the fitter parents (dad and step-mother). They play the game of making the innocent spouse the culprit. Whatever the husband has told the mistress, she believes and uses against the wife. They spend much time trying to convince friends and family that the innocent spouse caused the problems that led to their coupling. They are trying to paint a picture of innocence, but they know better than anyone that this image is fabricated and can never be a masterpiece.

Alienation of Family, Friends, and Others

Some family, friends, acquaintances, and others may not readily socialize with the cheaters because they have sided with the innocent spouse, while others may choose to side with them. Still, others will distrust these cheaters around their own spouses or partners due to their adulterous reputations. The forbidden couple often attracts others like themselves or singles as friends. Of course, a few old friends will linger. The couple may also run the risk of being excluded or not accepted in certain social circles, which is a mirror of disrespect. Once a person is labeled in a community as unfaithful, it may never disappear, even if the person changes. Others, even outsiders, often do not forgive or trust again.

Alienation of Spousal Affection

Some wives sue mistresses for alienation of affection. This decision can badly affect the mistress's financial stability. So, a risk taker might want to think about this before pursuing someone else’s spouse.

Mom Doing It Alone
Mom Doing It Alone | Source

More Distrust

Is it logical for cheaters to think that cheaters do not cheat? Imagine two cheaters married to each other. What are their secret thoughts? Can they trust each other? Where is the credibility? Is each capable of cheating on the other? They both have certainly had lots of practice. Their behaviors speak for them.

Guilt

Guilt is like a cancerous sore. It grows and gets worse as time passes. Soon it begins to occupy the mind, invading thoughts when it is not wanted. It causes worry, regret, and shame. Such thoughts certainly do not add to the happiness of any relationship. The cheating spouse may think about returning to his wife and rekindling his marriage. A spouse who has had a Christian upbringing may fear God’s judgment, end the affair, and seek forgiveness.

Vengeance and Desperation

There is always a slight chance that an obsessed party, who could be anyone in the triangle, may inflict bodily harm on the spouse, the mistress/lover, or the cheater due to desperation and a need to control. The mistress may try various manipulations to anger the wife in order to break up the marriage. A desperate mistress could even be a threat to the wife's life. Husbands have discovered too late that their mistresses were capable of harming their wives, even their children, in their attempts to alienate and quickly possess the husband.

Often wives do not know that their husbands are cheating. Many spouses and mistresses get so involved before they attempt to rectify their mistake that they have to endure the once unsuspecting spouse’s angry reactions, which could result in a very nasty and costly divorce. Some injured parties hire spies who collect loads of evidence against the husband or wife which could be devastating in court. Victimized wives must be careful because there is no secret that desperate husbands, who have fallen in love with their mistresses and do not wish to share their money with their wives, have been known to plan their murder, even involving their eager mistresses. A tragedy is not uncommon in relationships gone bad. Choosing a prison bed and separation forever is not exactly a honeymoon suite for cheaters or wives who seek to solve problems with desperation and crime.

Dealing With Consequences
Dealing With Consequences

Possible Irreparable Consequences of Cheating

Many cheaters think that they can repair damage to their marriage if their spouses discover their infidelities. They feel that it is just a matter of getting the offended spouse to forgive them. That could happen, but it may not always be that simple. Some of the following consequences could be long-term or irreparable in a marriage, home, and family after a spouse has been caught cheating:

  1. broken trust
  2. dysfunctional family
  3. low self-esteem
  4. severe depression
  5. defamation of character
  6. alienation of affection lawsuit
  7. divorce
  8. major financial changes due to a divorce settlement
  9. alienation or distancing of family members and friends
  10. contraction of incurable STD’s
  11. outside pregnancy
  12. child support payments that take money away from the household, spouse, and children
  13. “baby's mama” problems that could affect spouse and family's wellbeing
  14. stalking
  15. threatening or harassing phone calls
  16. severe violence and risk of imprisonment

The Statistics according to "WOMAN SAVERS, World’s largest Database Rating Men”

“Infidelity statistics have varied drastically over the past 50 years. The problem with obtaining accurate statistics on adultery is that most people will not tell the truth because it is such a sensitive subject. Controlled cheating surveys are scarce and the below infidelity percentages have been randomly collected from various sources:

“Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of 'After the Affair'," as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, and 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years.

“A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wives and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

“Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the lover.”

Conclusion

Cheating is never right in a marriage or any relationship, and excuses are not acceptable. Consequences are devastating for all involved, especially the offended spouse and children. Even the cheaters endure the negative consequences of their poor choices. They may be alienated by family and friends and may have to undergo a financial change due to a divorce and settlements.

It is important that each victim realizes that no matter how guilty they feel, they are not responsible for the affair. Even cheaters should value themselves as worthy of a relationship that does not downsize them to the level of creeping, stealing, or victimizing innocent individuals.

It has been revealed in popular surveys that over 90% of cheaters do not marry each other because of distrust and guilt. A broken family relationship is a broken home, a dysfunctional home, and no one should be forced to endure the trauma that transpires there.

Disclaimer

The contents of this hub are not designed to serve as professional advice to anyone that cheating has affected. It is designed to share research findings, personal experiences, and any insight that commentators volunteer to share. Anyone in need of help or guidance after experiencing trauma brought on by infidelity should seek professional counseling. The author wishes you wellness and happiness.

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    • profile image

      Rebecca tinana 

      8 weeks ago

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    • profile image

      Gorge William55 

      8 weeks ago

      Being a woman , the only annoying thing is when you have a man that cheats and denies every step of it and even goes along with your best friend . I didn't know when it all started but I finished it off and called it a quit after Rodhack let me into his phone I listened to him telling another woman what he used to tell me when we started . it hurts . . from that time till now I haven't called spyway but I think I will do so very soon because this other guy coming to my house seems cool but I just want to be sure. RODHACK003 AT GMAIL DOT COM

    • profile image

      John Vegas22 

      2 months ago

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      Emmanuel Richard 

      2 months ago

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    • profile image

      Patrick hope 

      2 months ago

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      Hugson Catherine 

      2 months ago

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      Dickson Timothy 

      2 months ago

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      2 months ago

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      Douglas david 

      2 months ago

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      2 months ago

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      jode mulier 

      2 months ago

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      doland charles 

      2 months ago

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      Rita Anderson 

      2 months ago

      In my experience with cheaters i guess i was just being ignorant, but i knew she was cheating but i respect her a lot and i was really careful what i said cos i didn't want to make her think i was thinking lowly of her until I knew what was on with proof, i contacted Hacknet 107 at gmail dot com after I read a revive on an online platform like here and he provided a loop in her phone without me having to access her phone physically, i got to see her heartbreaking extra marital acts and its been really disgusting, from whatsapp to skype and even her call logs and more.I'm glad i'm not the fool i used to be after i showed her so much love

    • profile image

      danny vane 

      2 months ago

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    • profile image

      Samuel Dotson 

      3 months ago

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    • profile image

      Winston 

      3 months ago

      Are you looking for a great hacker to work with you need not to search anymore just contact hackeliz001 at gmall dot com she's just the best perfect hacker for your hacking project such as whatsapp, text messages, messenger, facebook, instagram, twitter, call log,location and lot more contact hackeliz001 at gmall dot com and you get relief...

    • profile image

      wllan henry 

      3 months ago

      Some weeks back I started having suspicious feelings about my girlfriend that she's cheating Since then I had been looking out for spys or hackers that could help investigate her so I came on here, saw all sort of recommended contacts but one really caught my attention was the markfagertech at gmail dot comSo I contacted them ASAP the feedback was really shocking and that confirmed my suspicions....This team is reliable and quick to deliver no time wasted

    • profile image

      enny flora 

      3 months ago

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    • profile image

      Roland Rocke 

      3 months ago

      I have been able to use the help of Rootgatehacks for a very efficient crawler, and that . gave me remote access to investigate, they provide very good software and tech support. You can go ahead and google them

    • profile image

      Matthew 1233 

      3 months ago

      The easiest media to catch a cheating partner is on snapchat. With the influx of people getting in on snapchat everyday, Infidelity has been on the increase... this is what {rodhack003 at gmal dot com} told me last week that most jobs he did the past week was people trying to know if their partner cheats on snapchat. Out of 17 jobs done, 15 was confirmed to be cheating on snapchat, that is 88% infidelity sending nude pics and stuffs... the craziest part is that of these 15, 10 of them are married. 66% of the 88% So, if you really wanna know if your spouse is cheating on you, try to check his/her snapchat..

    • profile image

      Pammy Anderson 

      4 months ago

      When i was paranoid of everyone around me, even my spouse. I was hacked and I knew it. Blank screens, moving items and disappearing files. I was been haunted each time i touched a device, i didn't have rest of mind till i got darkwebsolutions anti spyware and anti malware. Mail: contactAtdarkwebsolutionsDOTco

    • profile image

      peterson atkinson 

      7 months ago

      As much as the result of finding out that ones trusted partner is in fact having an affair outside their legitimate relaationship can attract a very painful cost that often leads to a breakup, its important to know that these painful breakups and divorce must be done based on only real proof of infidelity, simply assuming without as much as a picture or a trend recorded over a period of time is unacceptable. i empoyed cyberwebkey484 at gmail dot com to help me get solid proof of my now ex wifes affair and it turned out she was deep into the act, cyberwebkey also allowed me access to monitor her location and a lot more, in the end , i was more than convienced that she was a lost course and i had to move on and for the best. dont be eager to make a decision ina delicate issue such as this.

    • profile image

      rayeliz 

      8 months ago

      Why does the cheater continue to lie to his wife regarding an affair? His wife was told that he had only kissed and went to lunch a couple of times with another woman. He didn't tell her that the affair actually lasted 4 months (relationship) and obviously, sex to.

      Is he just protecting himself, and won't it be worse if the wife ever finds out more information?

    • Janet Andrew profile image

      Janet Andrew 

      9 months ago

      cheating spouses often exhibit noticeable changes in behavior. Catching a cheating spouse may be difficult and even require the use of a private investigator. Private investigators may use personal surveillance techniques, video taping, or photography to obtain proof of the infidelity. In some cases, a private investigator may do a background check on the individual to obtain information of their past. You have to note that not all comment are real most of them are spammers and from what i have been made to understand, this job doesn’t come cheap. In the case of mine I requested for the service of this private investigator (captainspyhacker2 AT gmail DOT com ) who helped me gain access to my husband phone remotely using his techniques he did the job with no traces. up to this moment I still monitor his phone because I need a strong proof for divorce. Thanks Captain for this wonderful service you offered me

    • profile image

      Susan67 

      10 months ago

      Great article! Hi ….I want to share my life which has changed in past 15 days. I’ve been married for past 7 years.Thought I had a happy married life as my husband cared for me and I loved him from the deepest core of my heart.He never hide this phone chats mails from me 2 weeks ago I happened to check his phone as he just returned from a trip ..I saw dirty chats with one of his colleague when I confronted he deny all until I try to contact a private investigator who helped me hacked his phone remotely I was able to see all that goes in and out of his phone until I caught him with a solid proof...thanks for this wonderful service if you have similar issue contact this man via his gmail cyberhack005

    • profile image

      Sasha 

      10 months ago

      What's not really touched on is when the cheat suddenly realises that this new relationship has all the mundane strains that his old relationship had. Paying the bills, putting the bins out ,and less money!

      My ex cheated after being together for over twenty years. I went NC immediately and kept it like that for over ten months. I also made a conscious decision to never let him in my life again. Well, his "new life" wasn't up to scratch after the violins and hearts exited into normal life. I had him begging me,telling me he loved me and would forever,how he missed me,the kids and our life....I let him spill his guts,trying to prize his hand off mine,smiled and told him to go home....he'd made his bed,now he'd have to lie in it. I can't tell you how fantastic it felt,to realise in that moment that I really was done with him,and she was very welcome to him.

      So anyone who thinks cheating is ok, it's never the answer,and if you had any respect for your spouse,you'd leave without adding another person to the equation. It's selfish, and shows what selfish twat you are!

    • profile image

      armanivegas2011@live.co.uk 

      10 months ago

      Moral clarity and common sense in this article. Cheating is absolutely wrong and inexcusable. In today's anything goes society, this article is a beacon of light.

    • profile image

      Susan67 

      11 months ago

      I saw many comment on Youtube of how cyber hack had helped many people catch their cheating spouse without any traces. I contact him his gmail(cyberhack005) and give him a try to my greatest surprise he did an amazing job. I caught my husband with the aid of this genius using personal surveillance techniques, video taping, and photography to obtain proof of the infidelity. I showed my husband the proof, he was shocked and couldn't know what to say. From that moment I wanted to quit our union but he started apologizing that i shouldn't quit and promise me such act will not repeat itself. I gave him that last chance not because of him but because of our kids,

      I contact captain spy to share my experience and thank him for a magnificent job, he replied and assure me that he has many way to catch a cheater that I shouldn't hesitate to contact him if I notice any infidel act in our union. I am so glad to contact this man. You can reach him if you have a similar problem, He is an expert that delivers in 24hrs or less. You can email him via cyberhack005 AT gmail DOT com. He is affordable

    • profile image

      Jessica Cook 

      12 months ago

      No one deserves to be cheated on, especially when your fully loyalty lies with the betrayer of your trust. initially, I thought I was just feeling insecure when my husband would just be on his phone at odd hours, until I decided to take my chances to know, knowing is much better than self doubts and its exactly what happened when I requested for the service of one of the best hacker ; nullantrax2017 AT outlook DOT com to help me check her phone. Now i know when he tells the truth because I receive all his calls, outgoing and incoming, see his whatsapp messages, facebooks, emails. I think its the best way to justify his loyalty and I found out that instead of guessing, right now I have access to his phone remotely anything that goes in and out of his phone is exactly what goes in and out of my phone. I see everything,i hear everything

    • profile image

      Linda 

      16 months ago

      my partner of 6 Years cheated on me , he left me 3 times for the same woman she caused a lot of trouble And made me look like the guilty one.I cried for 2 years but now I'm glad to see the back of him heIs a narcissist and she has got nothing to look forward to He lies and cheats I'm better offWithout him .

    • profile image

      C-innocent husband 

      22 months ago

      I see that this article is definitely one-sided. It seems skewed to show that the husband is the one doing the bad and how victims are usually women and not men. If I (as a man - who coincidentally have been the victim of infidelity at least three times by the same woman) had written the same article from a one-sided perspective - a good percentage of women and feminists would cry foul and sexism.

      But the context is pretty accurate, otherwise. I know from my personal experience, that I was time and time again, deceived and betrayed. Time and Time again, I forgave (except for the last time). Divorce ensued. and because I didn't forgive this time, my ex did whatever she could to hurt me by using the court system who tend to favor the mom without question - and took my girls away. My girls... who were like another limb to me... always with me, built the memories while the mom was out having affairs... she took them from me and hurt us all.

      Unfortunately, being a man, public/social grace does not shine down upon us - in my case I even went to the "authorities" and school councillors to voice my concern about my child's mental health, but it was all rejected or just ignored. Had I been a woman, rest assured, much would have been done and resources and empathy would have abounded.

      Alas, truly - the innocent get hurt - perhaps even more so, if the innocent is the husband....

      What a hypocritical society....

    • profile image

      22 months ago

      I cheated on my wife and feel ashamed of it.

      I am trying to console her everyday. She cannot trust me anymore, which is fair and I cannot convince her that this won't happen again.

      A constant sinking feeling stays with me whole day and I cannot concentrate on anything. I had many ambitions in my life but everything now seems to be worthless as I am nothing in my wife's eyes.

      After getting caught we tried to find happiness in our lives again. But even small mistakes of mine are too big now. I always find myself trying to convince my wife that this will never happen again.

      I am really disappointed with myself. I don't know what should I do now.

      How can I live a normal life with my wife again? How can I make her live a good life again? I don't want to get a divorce because I love her sooo much.

      I know I shouldn't have cheated in first place. But I am helpless now.

      There is no solution for this I know, but I am trying to find a way to resolve the turmoil in our lives.

      Can anyone please give me some suggestions?

    • profile image

      wanyonyi maxwell 

      22 months ago

      very educative information

    • profile image

      JoJo 

      2 years ago

      I came across this article looking for some answers and it looked like there was some good insight but I had to quit reading after a few paragraphs because of you assuming that it's the husband that always cheats. I was with my wife for 3 years before we got married and about 8 months in she started having an affair. Not only was she my best friend but I thought she was the most wonderful person I had ever met. Some people say that the amount of trust I had in her was unhealthy. I sent her on trips to Austailia, Florida for Soring break and all sorts of other things that I didn't want her to miss out on, things I had done, because I had total trust in her faithfulness. I am very good looking, funny, smart and have a huge heart. I would never cheat because of how much it would hurt the other person and was shocked the day she left me for her softball coach. I can't imagine that very many people have felt this much pain in their lives and I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through it. I've always wondered how anyone could take her side, especially her parents, who were like my own family. How could they let this guy, who did what he did, into their house after me? I felt like I completely lost everything. Am I doomed to never trust anyone ever again?

    • profile image

      TheHonestTruth 

      2 years ago

      Cheating today is the main cause of most break ups, and Most of the time it is always the woman that Cheats since they just Can't commit to just Only One Man.

    • profile image

      fjohnson3 

      3 years ago

      I cheated on my wife (by talking to other females and saving pictures of random girls, but nothing ever physical or emotional). She has found me doing this 4 separate times in the 5 years we've been together (married 2 years) and has taken me back each time. This most recent time we have come very close to divorce but I am fighting to keep the marriage together that I have destroyed. Understably, she hates me and is disgusted by me. She has considered physically cheating to make herself feel better. Any advice?

    • profile image

      das 

      3 years ago

      I was a victim of cheating by my wife. Once when we were engaged and once when married. I strove to keep the house and kids together. I now am that list because of it 10 yrs latter it's as bad at times. I was a good man now that after effects list applies to us. Criminal record depression dysfunction etc in heighnsight I should have bit the bullet and divorced as separation is now happening from my narcissistic wife

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      Kirsto, you fear that your ex will break down. You seems to be concerned about his mental health. That is caring, and I find it admirable.

      What about your friend who has left her three girls? Are you concerned about the effects this split could have on them? Does your friend care? I hope so. Kids deserve the very best that parents can offer them. Not one needs to be neglected. Your 16 year old is living with a dysfunctional father, according to your statements. As mom, you need to step in and spare him (your son) the pain this could cause.

      I advise all of you to seek professional counseling. I hope all goes well for you, the ex's, and the children, especially. Stay well, and take care of those kids.

    • profile image

      Kirsto 

      4 years ago

      I am 3 months on from my husband of 16 years out of the blue leaving to shack up with a collegue of his that has now left her husband and 3 daughters. I've spent the past weeks reading what I can, and devoting my time to my sons aged7 and 11.the most difficult part of all of this is the change in my ex partners behaviour and priorities. He was a fab father, local family doctor. Now he can't be arsed with seeing his kids, makes excuses all day long. Has been shunned at work by his collegues. Has received letters from his patients telling him he's immoral etc etc. but he continues to disrespect our history of travelling the world together, raising two boys etc, being best friends to insist that he's made the right choice in ruining two families. Sadly my 16 years with him enables me to know that he is mentally not strong enough to eventually deal with his reckless destruction and I fear he will break down.he is in hiding from his family, drinking excessively. But I won't be there to help him. It's gutting as he was my best friend just 3 months ago and I would have done anything. Love to disgust in just days. People are saying its midlife crisis, what difference does the label make?. Surely after 3 months of living with this women in hiding he will never ask for my help?. I'm not a mean person and would struggle to turn away but I can remember my sons faces too well from 2 months ago when they realised daddy had swooped them!!! For butch 50 year old and a caravan!!

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      Yaya, I am sorry that you are not able to move on after your daughter split from her husband and took another. I think you should seek professional counseling. I wish you well. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      Yaya 

      4 years ago

      I don't know where to turn, my daughter cheated on her husband now they are separated, my grandchild split their lives btwn mom and dad and I see no reconciling. The person she was caught cheating with its still a big part of her everyday life. I can't bring myself to a place where I'm willing to meet him or attending gathering where he might be. It's been almost a year since my daughter got out on her own, how do I move on?

    • profile image

      James G 33 

      4 years ago

      If I was married with a 1 year old son and I was constantly being mentally abused with threats of physical abuse

      And one day while my wife was off work I left her fully capable if taking care of my son and just left is that considered child abandonment ?

    • lilmissmontana profile image

      Erin Nichols 

      4 years ago from Montana

      Wow, this hub really gave me the shivers. Such a touchy subject, but one that needs to be brought to light. Those statistics (1 in ever 2.7 couples suffer an affair) is huge and very frightening. Being cheated on is my greatest fear in my relationship as it is the one thing I don't think I could be honestly forgiving about. I think even if I tried I would fail because I would hold it over his head forever, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. Thank you for the hub!

    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 

      4 years ago from Singapore

      Yes it does, but sometimes it can't be helped, the human chemistry is so complex

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      midget38,

      Yes, I can relate to your comment. I thank you kindly for your visit and contribution!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      4 years ago from Singapore

      True words. Have seen this happen to couples close to myself and it wrecks badly.

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      CraftytotheCore,

      It does take a lot of strength to heal from difficult, hurtful situations. The important thing is that it can be done.

      Thanks for your kind compliment and visit! I wish you continual happiness with your new life.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 

      4 years ago

      This is an excellent article. I am divorced from an abusive spouse that did in fact blame me for all his wrong doings. I never saw it coming because he was a master manipulator. There are some people in this world that lie, cheat, and manipulate to get everything they want. It takes a lot of inner strength to heal from a situation like this. I am now married to a wonderful man and can't believe that I lived in that prior situation for 10 years.

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      Annie,

      There are times when a spouse is cheating he/she creates a distraction that affords him to shower all of the attention on the preferred other. Impotence is not an uncommon one. This may not be the case with your husband, but he did get married again.

      You seem to be getting along well enough. I am glad. Life does go on, and you should float with it. Surely there is someone for you, and I hope you find him.! I appreciate your visit, and I wish you well.

    • profile image

      annie 

      4 years ago

      Well my ex had been impotent for many years, and would seek help occasionally, but never follow through with any tests, help or a second visit. I waited patiently for 14 years for him to find out the cause, and did ask many times was he still attracted to me. I loved him very much and thought it was more important not to overly pressure him and I wanted to keep our family together despite my disappointment of not having a whole husband/ wife relationship in this way, as we got on very well, and did spend time together, I thought he felt the same way. He began an emotional affair with a woman he came into contact with through our kids, I discovered it and asked him to leave as he had changed as soon as I found out to an arrogant man whom I didn't recognise. A few days later he became remorseful and promised me that he would never hurt me this way again if I would forgive him. Well I did so on the understanding that he would be true to his word, and also seek help with the impotency, as he had shown me with his interest in the other woman that he did want an intimate relationship. He had told me a few times that he had next to no sex drive. Fast forward to 3 years later, he told me he was suffering depression and that he had to move out to sort himself out, which turned out to be a lie, he was in the midst of another affair, to whom in less than few weeks from now, he is getting married. He has spent a lot of energy ensuring he rewrote most of our life together, tried to hobble me financially, by dragging out settlement and being in arrears for child support as he was claiming falsely a much lower income. He and I work for the same employer, and he has had the boss make me wait outside until he has left the building. His family say he is going through a very selfish midlife crisis, and know that him and his new partner have treated both our kids and I dreadfully. He has lost most of his friends over his treatment of them as well, and say he isn't the man he once was. I have done much self reflection throughout this whole period of my life and haven't found why he treats me this way. Our son was asked to be best man at his wedding, and although he doesn't want to attend he doesn't want to offend his father either, upon being asked whaf us the problem, he said " Dad has asked me to write a speech, but I haven't got not one good thing to say." It has been a most difficult time in all of our lives to watch him spiral down to where he is now. I don't wish him ill, but I really don't understand other than he always has been a person who thinks the grass is greener.

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      Li,

      Cheaters who continue their relationship after a divorce often do not feel the need to hide from anyone. It is true that some people marry the wrong person. It is also true that cheaters do not always initiate the breakdown of the marriage. Even so, their cheating only escalates the problems in the marriage. A couple can also be very happy after one divorces a spouse but may not know that the preferred relationship is not right for him/her. I have seen this many times in my life.

      I had a friend who divorced his virtuous wife, also my friend, and married another woman that he loved dearly. She said that she loved him, too, and made him very happy. The only problem was that she enjoyed cheating and did not stop after marrying him. She actually told me that she cheated and enjoyed it. He was clueless. I had a sorrowful heart for him because I knew him first through my husband. They raised two children and lived together seemingly happy until he died. This is a true story. I suppose good people do not always make others happy.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Li!

    • Levertis Steele profile imageAUTHOR

      Levertis Steele 

      4 years ago from Southern Clime

      Angel,

      Cheating, whether the partners are few or many, can be a pain. I thank you for your visit and comment.

    • profile image

      Li 

      4 years ago

      I have a question, it is usual that cheaters after got discovered and divorce, shown their affair to everyone (friends, family). Showing that they are happy, without regrets and that they are the perfect match to each other? Are there hide feelings? maybe they need reaffirmation from everyone about that they are right in what they did?

    • profile image

      angel 

      4 years ago

      Thank you. I have been in relationships where the cheating was ongoing. There were so many women that it was difficult to keep up with them. This information is very helpful, and I found another site that is also helpful. Here is the URLhttps://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/65087974/

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