Gay Men: 10 Warning Signs Your Boyfriend May Be Cheating

Is Your Man Cheating?
Is Your Man Cheating? | Source

Something Seems Off

Lately, you have been getting the feeling that something is not right with your boyfriend. He seems emotionally distant and doesn't pay attention to you like he used to in the past. At night, he wants to go right to bed and doesn't want to cuddle.

Suspicious that he may be up to something, you start to do a little snooping and pick up his cell phone to see who he has been texting. To your surprise, he has the phone locked with a password, something he never did before.

You think to yourself,

"Is my boyfriend cheating on me? Why has he been acting so strange? Does he not find me attractive anymore?"

Finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you can be devastating for any person, gay, straight or bi.The pain becomes amplified when we have convinced ourselves that "he would never do something like" that or if we have been cheated on in the past.

After consulting with a number of gay men who are actively cheating on their partners, plus the former boyfriends of cheaters and therapists who understand the psychology of infidelity, Mister Hollywood is ready to share ten tell-tale warning signs that your boyfriend may be doing things behind your back. Read these signs carefully because your relationship may depend on it.

Ten Warning Signs

What follows are 10 major warning signs for gay men that may suggest that your man may be cheating on you right behind your back. And with the exception of a few points, these warning signs can apply to anyone really.

Some of these warning are obvious. Others however are ones you may not have thought of before and should not be ignored. The list is not exhaustive. The first 5 contain follow up details. The remaining ones require you tune into your intuition and empathy.

Disclaimer: Asses these warning signs in their totality. You need to look at the total picture to better understand if your boyfriend is cheating on you.

OK, let's jump right in!

Sudden changes in grooming habits may be a sign that he's cheating.
Sudden changes in grooming habits may be a sign that he's cheating. | Source

1. He’s Paying More Attention to His Appearance

This is a sign that many partners of gay men miss. Historically, gay guys pay attention to themselves in a big way and so it can be hard to know if your man is doing something unusual. There are a few indicators you should be aware of however.

First, look to see if he is making any new purchases for clothing items that are different than the brand he usually buys.

Men who cheat often try to impress a new love interest by looking sharp. Many will start to buy clothes that the other guy is wearing to reflect a common interest.

Third, pay attention to the amount of time he is spending grooming. Does it seem like he has been trying to look especially sharp? You need to ask yourself who he is doing this for. Is he shaving areas he normally does not?

Finally, ask yourself if he has been spending more time at the gym—this is especially true if he never seemed as interested before in fitness. Again, you need to add all of these points up for this warning sign in order to get a clear picture of what’s going on with your man.

At the baths.
At the baths. | Source
Poppers | Source

2. He Smells Like a Bathhouse, Poppers, or Sex

This too is another point that is often overlooked by many gay men when it comes to a potential cheating boyfriend. There are a few things in this area you want to look out for that you can’t ignore. First, ask yourself if he smells different when he comes home at night than he did that morning. It could be for normal reasons, like taking a quick shower at the gym. It could also be because he grabbed a shower at another guy’s place. Again, you need to really pay attention to this.


If your man is going to bathhouses, be sure to take an extra whiff of him to smell for chlorine or other chemicals that may suggest he has been in whirlpools. If he has been in a sauna, sniff for a woodsy, pine scent. If you smell anything of this, go through his wallet to see if he has a membership card. The card probably won't say "baths" on it so you may have to do some investigating if you find something suspicious.

Note: Several actively cheating men have shared with Mister Hollywood that that if their boyfriend had only checked their wallets, they would have been busted long ago.

Finally, take a good whiff of your boyfriend to see if he smells like sex. This means his body and his breath. The smell of sex has an easily recognizable odor. If you do it right, you may be able to smell the other guy (or guys!). The odor of poppers needs to be included here as well, particularly if your man does not use them or has never smelled like poppers before.

Does your boyfriend confuse you with someone else or point fingers at you?
Does your boyfriend confuse you with someone else or point fingers at you? | Source

3. He Has Rehearsed Responses and Becomes Suspicious of You

You may be thinking this is a silly point but pay attention. If your man is usually laid back and mellow, you should be concerned if he starts to provide lots of extra detail about his whereabouts in ways that he never did before. If his words seemed rehearsed, they probably are.

Also under this point, if he seems like he is becoming suspicious of you, it may be a sign he is cheating. Yes, you read that right.

In psychology, this behavior is called projecting. In other words, he starts to accuse you of the very behaviors he is engaged in. A number of men who were cheated on shared that had they paid attention to this singular point more closely, they would have figured out their man was sleeping around long ago. Don’t ignore this one!

Has the following ever happened with you:

  • Cheated on your boyfriend
  • Been cheated on by boyfriend
  • Slept with your boyfriends ex
  • I am cheating right now
See results without voting

4. He Is Emotionally Distant

This may be a very obvious sign but you will want to include in your total assessment of his behavior. If he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to what you are saying, seems like he is “somewhere else” mentally or seems emotionally disconnected from you when you are having sex, this may be a strong indication that he is cheating on you. And obviously, if he is not interested in sex with you over a long period of time, you need to be concerned.

There are of course other reasons for this to happen, such as work related problems, family issues or health concerns. He could also just be depressed. Still, here you will want to look at his historical behaviors in totality to figure out what is going on.

As one man told me who was cheating on his boyfriend, “I was thinking about the other guy when I was sleeping with my boyfriend. I did it a lot and my man never realized it was going on. I felt so guilty after awhile I just stopped having sex with him.

5. He Is Super Protective of His Phone, Email, and Facebook Account

You may be thinking this is an obvious point but it is worth mentioning. If your man gets real edgy whenever you are around his phone, tries to hide the fact he is texting someone, hides his emails from you or begins to block your view from seeing parts of his Facebook account (like his Friends list) alarm bells should be going off big-time.

We can also include Twitter and any other forms of social media that he may commonly use. The point here is to be aware of how he behaves around you where tech gadgets and electronic communications are concerned.

If he was once chilled about this area in the past but has now become crazy protective about what he is doing electronically, this is a strong indicator that your man is digging for treasures elsewhere, leaving you in the dust.

Gay Cheating

More Potential Warning Signs

  1. He seems super happy all of the time in a very “not like him” way and for no apparent reason.
  2. Major changes in musical tastes that are a departure of what he normally listens to.
  3. He starts to jokingly mention the end of your relationship (it's called "floating a trial balloon").
  4. Unexplained bills or overnight traveling that seem out of character for him.
  5. He has stopped introducing you as his boyfriend (i.e. "this is my friend").

Final Point

Pay attention to your inner voice—it is almost always right. Most of the men who have been cheated on knew something was going on but ignored the warning signs and were in denial about what was happening right in front of their noses. Don't let this happen to you. As one therapist explained it, that little voice we hear cannot be ignored. Don't discount it as paranoia.

And remember, you have to pay attention to all of his behaviors. This will help you determine if your man is a big time cheat.

© 2014 John Hollywood

More by this Author


THAPEO NKUNA 7 months ago

Wonderfull advises and tips, I am impressed. My problem is, I am not staying with my boyfriend in the same house and place. He normally answer my calls strangely, greeting me and never say "bbe" or "i love you" this normally happens during weekends when we are not together. This is really paining my heart and thinking that what does he says to the person about me that he is cheating with.

jon 12 months ago

Yes, encourage more people into paranoid abusive behaviour! I never cheated on any of my partners, and ive been cheated on before, but if ever catch my partners going through my stuff, its over. No trust, whats the point on carrying on with that?


dave 19 months ago

I have a boyfriend we are almost 4 years in relationship but when i make him a choice over me and his ex he rather choose his ex than me.. Is it normal to stay with him or let it go?

Pie 21 months ago

4 years together, we met when I why almost 15, he was 34. He had been cheating for almost 3 years when I found out... They were all around 15, and there were douzains of them... He proposed after one year, but we were still not married after 4, it seems he didn't wanted to after all... He was keeping me home because he thought I was intelligent enough to talk with him... and to do the laundry, cooking, etc., always reminding me that as a Law student I couldn't pay for the rent. I always felt insulted by those you say that French people are a nation of cheaters, but I must admit that it must be true... My mother was cheated on by my father, etc.

Christopher Goplitsyn 21 months ago

Ah - 1st relationship and 15 years with my man who cheated on me at 35 with a 19 year old. All that mattered to him was that a 19 year old wanted him! He dumped me quickly. 10 years later the 19 year old dumped him. The thing is - as a gay man our 'youth' is a very valuable time. I feel like I wasted my youth years in a relationship based on trust that unbelievably dissolved when the 19 year old strayed into our path. I was bitter for a time. Now I have moved on. The ex, when he was dumped by the once 19 year old, thinks I am still there for him after 25 years! Sheesh! The guy, Dave Kerlina, is an idiot and has a lonely life now that he DESERVES. Me? I did move on and found a long term partner - LOVING and BEAUTIFUL man, and have a solid and incredible relationship. I cannot be bothered with the ex and his drama. I win - he loses. That's about it. Lesson? There is sometimes eventual victory for gay partners who are abandoned for much younger men by their partners - and I reluctantly have mine now - not that I wanted it really - but it is there. Life is short guys - MAKE GOOD DECISIONS! :-)

Christopher 21 months ago

He cheated on me!

misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 22 months ago from Hollywood, CA Author

Sorry to hear that has happened. Too bad your man can't just be honest about it.

big 22 months ago

I.have caught my boyfriend at lLEAST 7 timez cheating. God only knows how many times he really has. He tells on himself and my friends tell on him. Total denial! He would rarher die than admit being caught. Turn abiuts fair play now.

misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 23 months ago from Hollywood, CA Author

All gay men cheat? is that really true?

Buzz 23 months ago

They ALL cheat. Get over it.

misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 23 months ago from Hollywood, CA Author

Thanks for sharing!

kikimeow 23 months ago

look out for suspicious hair! ...sounds weird, but I found out an ex cheated on me when i found several silky brunette hairs in his bed (my hair is a completely different colour & texture)...

Blaber Blogger profile image

Blaber Blogger 23 months ago from Muscat, Oman

Nice one.. I guess I should have read this a while ago when mine was already cheating on me while I had no clue.. this cud have helped hehe. But well I guess these tips u gave will definitely help me in future so for now.. will enjoy the full exciting moment of being single n once im into someone these tips will be in full use hehe.. thanks for sharing the article

misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA Author

"Every straight guy" - not sure I would say that:)

Richard 2 years ago

Totally false.Nowadays every straight guy is extremely concerned about his physical appearance for girls.

julio 2 years ago

I have never smoke or drink in my life but i have fun when i(designated driver)go out with friends..I don't mind hanging out but DO NOT want to be around someone that constantly drinking or smoking..Where can i find such Gay Guys..

misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA Author

Thanks, Princess!

rosza profile image

rosza 2 years ago

OMG this is soo true..

Adam 2 years ago

Askme...he's (at the very least) curious. He'll come out "later on"...his poor wife.

Askme profile image

Askme 2 years ago

I am seriously asking this question: Can a man be in a heterosexual marriage and be gay? I swear my co-worker is gay. Here is why:

-My first day on the job he was using some hand lotion that smelled fabulous. He shared with me and when he found out I liked it, he made a special trip that evening to go buy me a bottle. I don't know of any straight guys who do that.

-He brings muffins, rolls, candy and is always stocking the place with food for all of us.

-Has a lot of gay "friends".

-On his birthday when I asked if his wife was taking him out he said "oh no, I am meeting a friend for dinner" The friend happened to call and my co-worker asked me to pick up his phone and answer it because his hands were full. The guy on the other end "sounded" gay...I don't mean any disrespect but there is a tone or way of talking that some gay men have.

-He pays attention to his dressing. Some of it is rather flamboyant considering our conservative business we are in. I am talking brilliant, bright orange and lime green shirts (actually loud colors NO one should wear gay or straight).

-He had a loud argument over the phone with his wife that the entire office could hear. She bought a throw rug and he went off because he said from what she described to him over the phone, the rug "won't go with our décor"

I know these things sound very stereotype so hope I don't offend but this guy is unlike any male co-worker I've worked with who is straight. He reminds me of my former boss who was very upfront about being gay--he was the BEST boss I ever had.

what 2 years ago

This is terrible if you have to do all this then you're probably not ready for a serious relationship anyway.

leona pinder 2 years ago

My boyfriends gay thanks for helping

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Christy Kirwan 2 years ago from San Francisco

Great tips, MH! You've been really thorough here-- most guys would probably never think to check some of these (like the wallet).

Askme profile image

Askme 2 years ago

Good advice for heteros too. I would add "trust your gut" if you think something is wrong, you are probably right! OH I see you have that in your final point! LOL

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    John Hollywood (misterhollywood)241 Followers
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    John Hollywood is a pop culture reporter that writes articles with a psychological twist or wellness slant.

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