The Emotional Design of the Narcissist
Escaping the narcissist in your life is no easy task and is in fact, at times, completely impossible. Whilst it may be difficult for the common person to understand, it's actually impossible to escape the narcissist most of the time.
The narcissist has all bases covered and has had a secret plot to tie you (or the victim) down right from the start. The victim is trapped—they have no money, no identification, no or very few friends and little family left who are willing to support them.
With a reputation left in tatters and none of the resources to be able to move on in life, the victim is left in an incredibly tough situation. They have been emotionally battered and their soul has been worn down to its very core—and yet the scars remain invisible, as does the narcissistic abuse they have been made to endure.
The narcissist has brought about the entrapment and forced dependence of their victim skillfully and stealthily over time, whilst the unaware victim saw them as nothing more than the charismatic facade that the narcissist has learned to consistently portray to others.
The narcissist is in control.
They have the upper hand, they have control of your soul and they are now your God. Having the wool pulled over your eyes for long enough (often several decades) eventually results in a traumatic awakening and unveiling of the reality you have been sucked into.
The good-as-gold, charismatic, honest, open and most beautiful person you fell in love with is nothing but a false projection; a projection of sincerity obscured by masked inner demons.
The paranoia you were once accused of is no longer paranoia but intuition; your instincts were right all along.
For many people it can be decades before this realization occurs and can result in post-traumatic stress-related symptoms (or PTSD/c-PTSD itself). Recovery from narcissistic abuse, once away from it, can often take up to five years or more.
Whilst being in a relationship with a narcissist is a peculiar and exhausting experience, the victim never manages to successfully find the source of the problem and is often left scratching their head wondering 'is it me?'
Narcissistic abuse is subliminal, stealthy and takes place under cover but allows the victim to experience the darker, confusing and often seemingly sadistic nature of the narcissist.
However, the victim is eventually manipulated into believing that the narcissist had their reasons and that those reasons were justified...
...and so the sense of relief from the emotional pain comforts them from the confusion that they have been subject to whilst sucking them back into the narcissist's trap.
For this reason narcissists are often called emotional vampires and their tactic is often referred to as 'the narcissist's dance'.
This explosive defense mechanism has become a way of life for the narcissist, a way to prevent anyone from getting too close (emotionally) and keeping them at arm's length.
This way the narcissist can refrain from becoming emotionally attached to their victim whilst using them as a source of narcissistic supply.
However, ironically the narcissist depends upon the victim becoming emotionally attached to them and for this reason they will often wait until you say the words "I love you" as confirmation that they've sucked you in.
They will then proceed to emotionally and mentally abuse. The victim may notice that the narcissist never told them that they loved them until they had said it first... the narcissist was waiting for their cue.
Your confession of feeling genuine emotion for the narcissist is their sign that you are ready to be exploited.
Despite common belief, narcissists do have deep hidden inner feelings and they do experience emotion but that's exactly where they like to keep those emotions; hidden deep inside.
You will probably never see a narcissist cry - they cry on the inside but the sadness usually relates to being unable to uphold the false self.
In addition to their boxed in emotions, narcissists will usually have some kind of compartment in their mind where all secrets are stored - nobody has access to this compartment but the narcissist's inner consciousness.
This could be thought of as an imaginary secret box or chest where all private information is stored under lock and key never to be revealed.
In addition to the distortion campaign used to destroy the victim's reputation to convince their victim's family and friends that they are crazy, the narcissist also utilizes disinformation and misinformation just as professionally as a government would in order to keep the victim at bay from the truth, always leaving them questioning themselves.
They do it expertly without flaw whilst maintaining plausible denial.
So, next time you meet someone who keeps saying "I", "Me" and "Mine" and seems to be completely self-absorbed or someone who only seems to care about themselves or someone who comes across as being fake remember that they could be one of the people who may attempt to utilize these tactics.
Remember that they also need to rely on your behaviour and emotions in order for their narcissistic abuse to have any effect.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
© 2012 Marc Hubs