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Don't Get Caught Cheating: Six Simple Steps to Hide Your Tracks

Mystee is a writer, entertainer and entrepreneur. Her column, Ask Mystee, has a large following. You can ask her questions: askmystee@gmail.

Sometimes You Want to Try Something New


Why Cheat?

People cheat on their partner for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, the relationship has grown stale, and you're looking to add spice and zest.

Sometimes, your partner grows cold and distant and you need reassurance and affection.

Whatever the reason, many times you don't want to end your primary relationship, but you do desire something new, fresh and different. This doesn't mean you don't love your partner. You step outside the relationship without intending any hurt feelings.

This article will help you cover your tracks and protect the person you love.

Ssshh, It's a Secret


1. Be Discreet

If you are stepping outside the boundaries of your primary relationship, discretion is essential.

The first step part of discretionary behavior is not to start talking about your special friend with your partner. Don't rave about the fantastic new trainer at the gym, or the new girl in your office. It's unthoughtful and unkind to talk to your partner about your new interest.

Although you may feel excited and want to talk to someone about this new person in your life, your partner is not that person. Do not even mention your new friend. Nothing good will ever come from that.

The best thing you can do is invest in a burner phone, or a throw-away phone from a retail store. Don't use your main cell phone or your business phone. These are too easy to track. It will be easy for your partner to look at messages to your special friend.

Instead, use a separate phone to contact your friend, and be very discreet. Don't call or text when you are at home. Don't call or text on the weekends. Let your special friend know that you want to protect your partner and aren't willing to text in their presence.

In addition, being discreet includes not going out to eat at places where people might know you. If you are both dressed in business attire and you can pass it off as a business lunch, then it might work, but this is risky behavior. If you must go for drinks, lunch or dinner, then be sure to do it outside of your town or your neighborhood.

Sending emails and friending each other on social media is also a bad idea. If a new person suddenly starts showing up all over your Instagram and Facebook, or in your email, it will be a red flag for your partner.

People notice small things. They notice


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2. Don't Pick Fights

The second secret to not getting caught is to refrain from fighting, nit picking and blaming.

Often, when a person begins cheating, they feel guilty. Then they look for things to accuse their partner of. Whether it's something as simple as a forgotten chore, or an annoying habit, it's easy to assign blame when you're feeling guilty.

Don't look for reasons to further punish your partner. Don't point an accusing finger, or start blaming them for little things. This behavior will send another danger sign to your partner.

Just because you feel guilty, that is no reason to start a fight. Be kind to your partner, just as you would be to your special friend. Remember, you are the one who is cheating, so try and be kind in the rest of your life.

3. No Drastic Changes

New relationships can open doors to new behaviors, but be careful not to make any drastic changes.

If you go get your hair dyed and cut, or you decide to grow a beard, or you start working out like crazy, your partner will notice. And while they may also appreciate the changes in you, it is likely to make them suspicious.

Besides not changing your physical appearance, you might consider not changing your usual habits too much. Joining a new gym, listening to different music or showing interest in things that have never interested you before may create some problems.

Sure, your new friend has introduced you to lots of new ideas, music, and maybe even shown you a thing or two in the bedroom. Tread lightly, introducing too much change into your primary relationship will alert your partner that something is different.

Although you may have discovered new hobbies, interests and talents, be careful sharing them in your life. Once small change at a time.

Share the Gifts


4. Buy Gifts for Everyone

While you might be tempted to give your new friend some sexy lingerie, or a special gift that reminds him of your favorite little restaurant, don't ignore the other person in your life.

It is fun to give thoughtful gifts, and it is equally fun to receive thoughtful gifts. If you consider buying something for your special friend, pause. Consider the person you love, your partner, and think about what they might like.

Is it expensive? Yes, it is. But it will make both of the people happy. You are not trying to wreck your partner's life. You are expanding your horizons. In so doing, you must nurture both relationships.

Send them both a cute card. Get them both a thoughtful gift. Or, don't do it for either of them. If you don't give gifts, then don't give any gifts. If you want to be thoughtful, then be thoughtful to both (or all) of the important and meaningful people in your life.

5. Share Your Time

While you may want to spend all your free time with your new friend, it is imperative that you spend time with your partner as well.

"Working late" may work one or two days a week, but in order to have your cake and eat it too, you must also come home early occasionally and spend time within your primary relationship. It is unfair to all the parties involved, including yourself, if you don't spend time with everyone.

Sure, it's tiring. Of course, you want to focus on your new interest. But the truth is, you owe it to yourself and your partner to remain committed to that relationship. It's fun to play outside the bounds of your relationship, but if you spend all your time away, you'll find yourself on the outs.

It is difficult to split your time between two places. In order for your play time to work, you must invest time in your primary relationship. No one said it would be easy (or cheap) to cheat, but if you've decided to do it, then you need to share your time.

6. Honor Your Truth

Yes, cheating is a taboo subject, but the truth is, life happens. It doesn't make you a "bad" person. What makes you a bad person is treating yourself and the people around you badly.

You can step outside your primary relationship to find companionship, comfort, sex, or whatever it is that you are looking for. First, be honest with yourself about the purpose.

If you are trying to hurt someone, then you probably will. And chances are, you will also get hurt in the process. If your intention is not to hurt anyone, but to have a different experience, then you are more likely to be careful of other peoples feelings.

Not everyone will agree that stepping outside your primary relationship is a good idea. People may berate you if they find out. They might get mad. Be honest, at least with yourself, about why you did it.

Face the situations that arise with your integrity in place. Be kind and compassionate to all the people involved. Don't blame or make excuses for your behavior. Instead, own up. Be honest about your own truth.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


Js on June 02, 2020:

Just sad. Articles like this just hurts people more. The morals in this world are all but extinct. Cheating is wrong period. It's a cowards game and should be tolerated !

J on November 16, 2019:

This just makes me really really really sad.

Having different views of relationships; fine. Having different needs and ways of showing affection; fine. Different opinions; fine. But trying to rationalize cheating? I’ve always said, and I stick by this, that being cheated on is _the worst_ thing I could ever imagine having a partner do to me. I’d take my husband beating me, spending all of our money and being an asshole to my mother every day of the week before being cheated on. I think I just might have become suicidal if I was ever cheated on, I can’t imagine anything worse.

Saying that there is _ever_ a good reason for cheating? I’ve honestly thought about this a lot, and I can think of two scenarios, and only two, were cheating could be considered plausible:

1. One is financially dependent on the other. I’m not talking “I’d have to sell the house and drive a much cheaper car”, I mean like literally not having a roof over ones head and food one the table. That kind of dependent. If that’s the situation and one has no alternative but to stay, perhaps forever, then I can understand choosing to find happiness elsewhere. I would even encourage it.

2. If ones partner has an accident or gets ill to the point of no longer being able to take care of themselves. One might still love their partner deeply, and also feel to bad to ever leave, but the relationship may not be able to fulfill ones needs anymore. In that case I could also understand choosing to cheat.

Under any other circumstance? NEVER.

It’s not just about wether or not one gets caught. That’s not even the really important part. Would you ever argue that it would be ok to pretend to love someone you’re only with because of money, status, confirmation etc. as long as the other person doesn’t find out? Write an article about how to hide it well? Would you think it’d be okay for a woman to let her partner believe he was the father of a child if she knew he wasn’t? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him? It’s the same thin. Cheating destroys the entire foundation and core of a relationship, despite if both parties are aware of the cheating or not.

If my husband ever cheated on me there is nothing in the world that would make me ever want to be with him even for a day longer. If I wasn’t aware then that is time wasted that I could have spent healing, moving on and trying to find someone new or something other to do with my life. So you are suggesting that it would be ok not only for someone to do something so detrimental and utterly degrading to someone as to cheat, but then also that it would somehow be ok to rob them of their right to leave and spend their valuable time on something else instead? If you have so little respect for your partner, why on earth are you with them?

The whole purpose of the monogamous relationship (and if you somehow feel monogamy isn’t for you than being honest about that from the beginning is the obligation) is being to only one for someone, and choosing the only one for yourself. I have so many wonderful friends, family, etc. but just the one person that I share passion and sexual intimacy with, and he is _mine_ and I am _his_ and we are one in a million and completely irreplaceable to each other and that is _the core of it_. When something is wrong we talk about it. When circumstances kills the passion for a while we work on it. Working on it might be effortful, but more than that it is meaningful - it is a constant investment in us. That investment just keeps growing and growing everyday and the dividends are huge. Cheating turns _all of it_ into nothing. It completely butchers everything we are.

You don’t do that to someone you love and respect. You just don’t. You work on it or leave. Otherwise, getting caught is the least of both parties concerns. You already lost your relationship once you crossed that line, not when you get caught.

Farrah Young from Lagos, Nigeria on November 07, 2019:

You write really well, but I dunno if I would say this is a great piece.

As someone who wouldn't want to be cheated on, I also wouldn't support someone else cheating, no matter their reasons.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on November 07, 2019:

"Why Cheat?"

Lets face it cheating/breaking the rules no matter what is about selfishly attempting to have it all. The cheater's happiness is all that matters. The goal is of most cheaters is to (hold onto) all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.

Very few cheaters are looking to replace one relationship with another. Essentially they're looking to add to or compliment what they have.

While no one wants to be cheated on if you've decided to cheat anyway you owe to everyone not to get caught!

Below are some more tips cheaters should abide by.

1. Always practice SAFE sex!

Having unprotected sex can lead to contracting a STD or possibly creating a pregnancy. You don't want to end up on "Paternity Court" or "The Maury Povich Show" AKA "You are NOT the father!"

2. Always make sure your "side piece" knows you have a mate.

It's challenging enough to have to lie and sneak around behind one person's back. Having to do so behind multiple people's back naturally increases your odds of getting caught.

3. Consider a career which requires travel and overnight trips.

Having legitimate reasons to be away makes cheating easier.

4. Always (meet your side piece) at the designated location.

Don't risk having a car accident or breakdown while together.

5. When necessary lie by omission or allow them to "assume".

Having lunch with an old college friend doesn't specify gender.

6. Avoid making any sudden changes or breaking routines.

The number one reason why cheaters get caught is because of changes in their behavior along with changes in their routines. For example if you've always called each other first thing in the morning and just before going to bed you're going to raise some eyebrows if you start missing in action. If you know you're a "serial cheater" whereby monogamy is like going on a strict diet for you, it's not a matter of (if) but rather (when) you'll cheat... do your best not to establish any routines!

The one exception might be carving out one night of the week right from the beginning which you have told your mate is a poker night, girls/guys night, book club, or some type of hobbies/interest group meetings.

7. If possible do not allow your partner to get too close to your inner circle of friends, co-workers, and family members. If they care about your mate and suspect you're doing him/her wrong they may choose your partner's side! Try and keep your inner circler out of the loop.

8. Avoid making expenses which cannot easily be explained away.

First of all it's foolish to be using money from joint bank accounts and joint credit cards for your "extra curricular" activities. If you're living with someone or even married you should insist upon having one account or card which is yours alone. This goes for non-cheaters as well. Naturally you want to select the "paperless" option with regard to statements.

9. Be very selective about who you mess around with.

Some cheaters prefer to cheat with those who have just as much to lose if they get caught. They may even sign up with a niche online dating site that is geared towards cheaters and those committing infidelity.

There are cheaters who only have "one night stands" with strangers in order to avoid getting caught up in another relationship which may cause them to become {emotionally invested}. While others take the lazy route and cheat with co-workers, exes, and others they've known.

10. Do anything often or long enough you're bound to get caught!

Human beings make mistakes and whether you say something in your sleep, bump into someone your mate knows, have a receipt from a hotel or restaurant in your pocket, receive a text while your phone is unattended, have a side piece who falls in love with you and demands you breakup with your mate or get divorced and they threaten to tell them everything, conceive a child or contract an STD...etc

Having to constantly cover your tracks, remember various lies, and keep up appearances of being happy and committed will likely wear you down. At some point long-term cheaters get lazy or they slip up.

Cheating is never the solution for permanent happiness.

At some point you have to admit you chose the wrong mate or you simply are one of those people who should avoid getting into relationships. Being honest with yourself is most important.

Farrah Young from Lagos, Nigeria on November 06, 2019:

You write really well, but i dunno i i would say this is a great piece.

As someone who wouldnt want to be cheated in, I also wouldnt support someone else cheating.

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