Do You Feel Supported By Him?

Updated on August 22, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

As women, it's extremely important to have a man who supports us emotionally. This doesn't mean that we need him to fix or solve our problems. What this means is that we need him to validate our feelings and try to understand where our emotions are coming from—even if he doesn't completely agree.

Everyone has different emotions surrounding their life experiences. Although someone might have a similar or possibly the same experience it doesn't mean that they have the same thoughts, feelings or reactions as you do.

Most men and women are emotionally "programmed" differently in the way we deal with things, especially on an emotional level—which can be completely opposite at times. As women, what upsets us might not upset a guy in the same way, therefore, his reaction can sometimes be viewed as harsh or uncaring.

When a man tells us that what we are feeling "isn't a big deal," that we need to "get over it" or that we should "shake it off and move on," this is hurtful and frustrating to hear. This type of flippant reaction can make us feel as though he doesn't care or isn't taking how we feel seriously.

One of the hardest things about being in a relationship can be not getting the emotional support that you need. As women, we don't want a man to fix everything with His opinion, His judgement or His words. Sometimes we just want to express what we feel and have a guy go out of his way to show us he truly cares.

Contact us, listen to us, be there for us. Hold our hand, hug us or just tell us that whatever we need you are there for us—and actually mean it. When this doesn't occur, it is not only hurtful, it can distance us from a guy and the overall relationship.

I dated a guy who was far from being emotionally supportive. If I shared anything with him that was upsetting to me he would never take the time to hear me—instead he would have a passive attitude or give me the worst advice. His favorite words (regardless of the situation), "you will get over it." He said this so often that it made me internally want to punch him (lucky for him I'm not a violent person).

One time I shared with him how I was feeling discouraged as a writer—contemplating if writing was truly the right path for me. My frustrations occurred when I was in the process of sending my book to agents and found out that I needed to have a synopsis, query letter and book proposal—all of these things I was clueless about since my book was a nonfiction, humorous dating book. Instead of supporting me with encouraging words, he immediately suggested that if I were having any doubts I should work for him—at his construction company that he owned—calling potential clients. Excuse me? Really! That was his first thought? Talk about the worst advice with zero emotional connection to what I was feeling, and a solution that had nothing to do with me.

Advice I welcome—if it makes sense. His advice made no sense. Why would I drop what I'm most passionate about and instead put all my energy and time into building HIS business? Not only was that ludicrous, it showed me that the only person he cared about was himself.

As women, we want to be heard and taken seriously versus judged. There are experiences that we go through that a guy might think are "silly" or view as something we shouldn't get emotional or upset about (or isn't a big deal—to them), however these are our emotions and what we are feeling is occurring for a reason and should be approached with emotional support, love, and understanding.

The hardest thing for women is to go through something that is emotionally difficult and then to feel as though the guy she is in a relationship with doesn't take her feelings seriously or puts her last on his priority list—work, his children, hobbies, working out and other activities take precedence over what she is going through. Wonderful.

What many men don't realize is that depending on what we are going through it isn't always easy for us to open up and share with a guy—in fear that he will think we are too emotional, crazy or judge us—giving him reason to walk away. That's why many times we will talk to our girlfriends first before opening up to a man (if we do at all) even though in our hearts we would rather open up to him.

Having a guy there for you should be pretty basic. When something emotional happens in your life and you need him, he is actually there for you. There are some men that when tragedy hits or an emotional roller coaster occurs in your life, they will blow you off, bail or become overly busy. Great. Unfortunately, his reaction isn't something you can predict. You can get emotionally involved with a guy before finding out if he will actually be the supportive rock in your life that you need—actions always speak louder than his words.

Ladies, if a guy can't be there for you when you need him, this is a huge sign that you are most likely not viewed as a permanency or priority for him. Don't get me wrong, you can't expect a guy to drop his life and job to be there for every crisis you may go through, however, he should at least make you feel he is by your side. Emotional support is important so make sure you find someone who will listen to you as much as you listen to him...validate and appreciate.

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      happycamper10 5 months ago

      The problem sometimes IS the man and he SHOULD be more supportive. But, sometimes - sometimes - the problem is that the woman spends too much time in the needing support zone and it begins to get exhausting and feel like work. Women frequently complain about that friend of theirs, the one who thrives on drama and is always complaining and bitching and being a downer and how they don't even like being around them. Yet they can't understand, or see, how someone living opposite them might feel when they behave that way.

      Not what women want to hear, but what many men feel. It sometimes appears to us men that all of life is "emotionally difficult" for you, and you save it all for us. Maybe spread it around, so that we don't bear the entirety of the load. Maybe you need to sometimes just be an adult and handle it. Men have trying emotional crap in their life too, but why always bring it to your partner. I think most men value being there for you and trying to help you through things that are emotionally difficult for you, but it can be draining if it crosses that invisible threshold. There's a great lyric in a Firefall song "Strange Way" about this:

      That's a strange way to tell me you love me

      When your sorrow is all I can see

      If you just want to cry to somebody

      Don't cry to me

      No don't cry to me

      The woman needs to bring joy, and lightness, and laughter and comfort to the man as part of the relationship. If it gets too out of balance to the "constantly need support and empathy" side, the man will find it to be "work", and it goes on long enough ... he will probably disappear.

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