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How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship When You Have PMDD

Violet has experienced debilitating PMDD and has made some lifestyle changes to reduce symptoms and improve her life.

A Few Disclaimers Before We Begin

If you're wondering what premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is, you can read a lot of good information about symptoms, causes, treatments, etc., on WebMD.

Also, once you start reading through what I've learned, you may think "Oh, she seems to have it sorted out." Haha, no, stop! It's absolutely not true. Yes, I have a better handle on things than I used to, but I still slip up and am always learning.

Lastly, this advice is intended for people who are in a healthy and supportive relationship. This means mutual respect, a general feeling of stability, and shared happiness. These tips are not intended to make women feel like they ought to tiptoe around a potentially unhealthy or unsuitable partner. If this sounds like you, then maybe it's your relationship that is the problem, not you or your PMDD.

Lesson 1: Your Partner Has Their Own Problems, Too

When you're drowning in your own anxiety and fluctuating moods, it's easy to forget that your partner may be experiencing their own inner turmoil.

If they say something like "I'm so tired" or "I feel so stressed" it's quite tempting to respond with "Yeah, me too!" since that's how you feel for half of the month or more. Instead, let your partner know that they have been heard by responding with something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, can I do anything to help?" and give them a nice hug.

If it's about you all the time, then there will be no room for the other person to feel like they are free to have their own ups and downs too. Get to know what they need when they're down. Do they need space or extra affection? See if you can find this out when they're in a good mood since it's hard to know what you want when you're feeling down.

Lesson 2: Your Partner Can't Always Respond the Way You Want Them To

If you're anything like me, talking about a problem or how you're feeling is part of healing and feeling better. By discussing what's going on and hearing it out loud, it can be easier to make sense of a situation or your array of emotions.

The thing is though, when we vent to our partner during severe PMDD times, it really isn't just about talking it out. We crave a supportive, understanding, and comforting response to what we have just said. We want to be heard and understood, maybe even have them agree with us, even if it doesn't make sense to them. And when we don't get a response that we feel we so desperately need, it can wreak havoc. Perhaps they make light of your situation by joking around or act a little distant and distracted.

This happened to me today. I was opening up about an emotional issue that was bothering me. My partner kept giving me short, to-the-point responses. But what I needed at that moment was something like "Oh that must be so hard! Oh, I don't blame you for feeling that way! Blah, blah, blah, mushy feelings." Because I didn't receive that response, I felt hurt and misunderstood. I expressed this, which then made him feel like he was responsible for making me feel better and that he always had to say exactly the right things. Instead of pressuring him, I realised that I had slipped up, and apologised straight away for being unreasonable in my expectations of him. Now I'm giving him some needed space (more on that later).

Of course, there are times when he does respond in a supportive and comforting way, and this is wonderful! We just have to remember that our partner can't always respond how we "need" them to. It's far too much to expect that of someone. This is where catching up with a girlfriend or socialising outside of the relationship can help a great deal. Make the time for friends and relieve some of the pressure from your partner.

What to Say When It Comes Up

If you're having one of those conversations with your partner where you feel like they don't understand or aren't responding in a way that you "need", just take a pause in the conversation. I don't mean ignore your partner—just pause. Notice how you're feeling. I often notice that my heart rate has increased and I have a hot, angry feeling in my forehead.

Take a few relaxing (not dramatic!) deep breaths and tell yourself that you will think about this problem later. That way, you can think about this feeling or problem by yourself and work out why it means so much for you to feel comforted about this. Know that you are all the comfort you need and that no one else is responsible for how you feel.

Then, you can say something to your partner along the lines of "Sorry, I don't know why this problem is getting to me so much. Thank you for listening, but I should probably just leave it for now before I get upset. So, how about that dog wearing a hat over there?"

"Know that you are all the comfort you need and that no one else is responsible for how you feel."

Read More From Pairedlife

Lesson 3: Your Partner Can't Always Be There for You

Just like it's helpful to understand that your partner may not always respond in a way that you "need," it's also important to realise when your love is in their own rut and can't be there for you at that moment.

I'm still working on it, but I've gotten better at recognising when my partner just doesn't have room for all the extra emotion and anxiety I tend to throw around each month. He may become distant, or even let me know that he isn't feeling great either. So during these times, I know not to bring up anything too heavy with him or expect him to be overly affectionate and comforting.

The times where I've forgotten this lesson and dumped my own problems on him while he wasn't feeling great either haven't gone so well. However, when he is feeling lighter and has more room to give support, he is incredibly open and comforting to all that my glorious hormones have to offer.

If your sweetheart is feeling like crap, try to be there for them as best you can. In turn, they will be there for you too, in time. If it feels like they can't ever be there for you, then that could be a problem you may need to think over at a time of the month where you feel most levelheaded.

What to Say When It Comes Up

A good indication that your partner isn't in a good place to be there for you is if they seem distant or uneasy in your company. Or even worse, they may have recently told you that they aren't feeling good yet you're still opening up to them about something you're upset about.

When you make either of those realisations, just pause the conversation like in the suggestion in Lesson Two. Take a few, quiet, deep breaths and say something like "Sorry, this probably isn't the best time—you might have enough on your mind as it is." Then, either change the topic or lovingly give them some space. By lovingly I mean showing genuine patience, not just huffing and storming out of the room.

"If it feels like they can't ever be there for you, then that could be a problem you may need to think over at a time of the month where you feel most levelheaded."

Lesson 4: Not Everything Is About You

Harsh! Sorry, but it's true. When we feel as terrible as we do, we assume that the world is out to get us. Like each little stumble walking up the stairs is a sign from the universe that it hates us very, very much. The same can be said for thinking that each grumble or bad mood from our partner is caused by us.

It used to be that any time my partner was agitated or stressed, my mind instantly went "Oh no, I've done something wrong again" and I would pester him to tell me what I had done. Occasionally, I had indeed frustrated him in some way, but most of the time he was dealing with something outside the relationship. I've gotten much better at not instantly taking a bad mood personally and forcing an explanation out of him, but there are still times I slip up. I'm only human.

What to Say When It Comes Up

Some great advice from my therapist: "The next time they are in an obviously bad mood, you can open communication with a general offer like 'I feel like you might be stressed, can I help in any way?' which lets them know that you see them. It also gives them a chance to tell you what the problem is or if you can help.

If you're with someone who has a lot of masculine energy, the most likely response will be "I'm fine" which is a sign that this is something they need to deal with on their own terms. This is when keeping busy and giving them time to breathe will benefit both of you. On the other hand, they may open up about the problem, so be prepared to actively listen without thinking too much about the "right" things to say.

"What someone thinks of me is none of my business."

— Anonymous

Lesson 5: Both You and Your Partner Need Space

Just like all of my lessons learned, this can be applied to any relationship. However, with PMDD, it just becomes all the more important.

Space. It's simple. Space for you and space for them. If they want to catch up with friends or do something without you, then see that as an opportunity to treat yourself. I said treat yo' self! Try your best not to feel hurt by their desire for a little alone time. See it as a way to feel more connected when you reunite, even if the space is only for a couple of hours.

Be sure to make your own plans too. Have lunch with a pal or take yourself to an art exhibition that your partner would yawn over. Doing your own thing gives each of you room to breathe and be your own person.

What to Say When It Comes Up

Even if you think you're the type of person who likes to spend most of your time with your partner, think again. If you're like me, there may be times where you may feel as though you're just going along with the things they want to do. Get to know your likes and dislikes. For example, if your partner asks "Do you want to watch this movie full of cars exploding?" and your heart thinks "no, thanks" but the desire to spend time with them and a sense of obligation takes over, then try to listen to that inner "no, thanks" and actually say it, but with a little more love and warmth.

I don't mean you should suddenly start saying no to every suggestion they make. It's more about doing your own thing sometimes. If your partner doesn't feel guilty for being honest about what they would like to do, why should you?

"You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free."

— Thich Nhat Hanh

Lesson 6: Your Idea of Reality May Be Skewed

This can be the hardest part of having PMDD. Your feelings and emotions are real, of course. However, your reality may be skewed, causing you to react to situations in destructive ways.

Here's a situation I'm sure we've all experienced.

  • Blurred PMDD Perspective: Your partner is avoiding you, you can feel it. They get up and leave the room when you enter. Spending time with you just isn't something they seem to want to do lately. In fact, when was the last time you went and did something nice together? They don't love you, do they? They're losing interest fast. This needs to stop. I must bring this up with them right now!
  • Reality: Perhaps they have been a little distant, but it's quite likely that they have something on their mind. It's really only been a day or two of them seeming a bit "out at sea", no biggie. We had spent a lot of time together last week—it was really nice actually. Maybe they just need some time alone.

If you can't get in touch with reality outside your PMDD perspective, you may feel panicked and start spiraling into a place where you are desperate to fix things immediately.

What to Do When It Comes Up

That's it—you just have to wait out that urgent and frightened feeling. Let it pass. The best thing you can do is keep a little journal handy and write down anything that's upsetting you. This can be done all month long too, even when you feel more level and not so affected by hormones.

If there are any issues you have with your relationship, you can open up your journal when you are feeling better and see if you still feel as strongly about the problem that you wrote down earlier. If you still feel like there is something to talk about with your partner, at least you are in a much better state of mind to do so. But more often than not, you will think "hmmm, glad I didn't open up that can of worms at the time, I'm not really sure what that was about!"

"This too shall pass."


Lesson 7: It's Always Important to Think Before You Speak

I used to have a tendency during PMDD to be nit-picky and a bit snippy, saying things I didn't really mean but were hurtful all the same. This still happens sometimes, but I feel like this is where I have gained most control.

Thinking before you speak is vital. It may seem strange to censor yourself or it may feel like conversations are slower, but it works.

For example, my partner may say something like "Oh, I put the garbage bins out today" and my PMDD monkey instantly wants to screech "Was I supposed to do it for you or something??" but I catch that response before I let it slip through my lips. Saying something snippy may make you feel good for one second, but I promise you it will feel terrible another second later.

So, just try catching yourself before you say those (not so) little things because they can add up quickly. And as always, practice makes perfect.

What also helps is trying to complain less in general. It's so easy to feel overwhelmed, as if our world has gone to crap. But, it can be tiresome for someone else to hear this kind of negativity every five minutes. This is where your old friend, your journal, comes in handy. By writing down your feelings, you're still able to release the negative energy without draining someone else. By all means, don't become some fake goof who never has a bad word to say, but reducing the whining can be beneficial for both of you.

What to Say When It Comes Up

If you blurt something hurtful to your partner, don't feel like it's too late. Just offer a simple apology. Let them know that you're sorry for saying something so mean and that you wish you hadn't said it in the first place. Explain that hurting your partner's feeling wasn't your intention—you're just not feeling like your usual self.

Lesson 8: Don't Make Any Decisions About Your Relationship During Bad PMDD Days

One of PMDD's most common symptoms is the feeling of depression. Depression sucks the life and lustre out of all the things you would usually otherwise love and appreciate. This includes your partner.

Thankfully this doesn't happen much anymore for me, but when it did, I would start to question my relationship. Would I be better off single? Are we really that good together?

I have never let him know these moments of severe doubt, but I've come close. If you have voiced these concerns with your partner, don't beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it and move forward.

What to Do When It Comes Up

Again, write your feelings down in your journal! Just make sure it's kept in a place where your partner won't be tempted to flip through it. Write down all your doubts and be as negative and critical as you want. Ask yourself all the questions you need answers to. Make a deal with yourself that you will revisit these doubts at a time of the month when you are feeling more level-headed to make a proper judgment.

Until then, wait for these feelings to pass. Don't allow them to take over and trick you into thinking that you have to act on them and make a decision right at that moment. Because chances are that when you get to your "normal" part of the month, you will look back and feel relieved that you rode out those murky feelings.

It can also help to muster up happy memories of your partner. Think about the last time they made you laugh, or how the other night they cooked your favourite meal for dinner. It might be hard to find these positives at first, but if you search, then you may find something that helps you feel a little lighter.

Lesson 9: Seek Support From Outside of the Relationship

Relying on one person alone for support during our PMDD times has many disadvantages. The first is obviously that it's not fair on your partner. Just as our moods and needs can be tiresome for us, it can be just as draining for them.

Another disadvantage is that you're missing out on an array of opinions, ideas and experiences from other people. I find that you can't really beat catching up with a girlfriend for that feeling of connection and understanding between two women.

So, try your best to keep in touch with friends all month long. I find it especially important to meet up with a friend during times when I feel like I need to talk out my woes. It's also grounding to hear your friend talk about her own troubles too, not that I enjoy hearing about struggles. It's just comforting to share your experiences and know that you aren't alone.

There are also many online support groups for women with PMDD. If you do a search for PMDD on facebook or google, you will see what I mean! There, you can gripe and moan all you like—it's quite wonderful, really. You will find that the women in these groups are very supportive and reassuring during crappy times. It's great that you can also be a source of comfort to others too.

Lesson 10: Connecting With Yourself Is Key

Connecting with yourself is important for everyone. Though, I feel that for women, this notion is especially important due to our tendencies of being eager to please and feeling guilty all too easily.

What does this have to do with PMDD? Well, think of PMDD as a scared, tired, lonely, anxious and sad "little girl" version of yourself. I know many of our problems are hormonal, but I have found that a lot of it can be managed through practicing my suggestions above and also by connecting with yourself. When you truly know yourself and love who you are, you are much better equipped to soothe that manic little PMDD girl who shows up unannounced.

There are times where I envision splitting myself into two. The little girl expresses how upset and scared she is. Then, the grown-up, calm version of myself can tell her that everything will be okay. I wouldn't be able to access my inner grown-up voice without first connecting with myself.

Here are many ways I have connected with myself and grown to love who I am even more. Of course, these are just suggestions, and I'm sure you can come up with ideas which suit you best.

  • See a therapist. This has helped me in so many ways. It allows me to speak my mind, no matter how "crazed" my thoughts and actions may seem. It has helped me sort through very painful issues from my past. I have gained a lot of wisdom from the different therapists I've seen.
  • Have a healthy lifestyle. Eating fresh and nourishing food makes me feel much more level. When I stray too far from eating healthily, I pay for it. Exercise is just as important as it gives you that instant rush of endorphins. Feeling fit and strong can also boost your confidence and feelings of self-worth.
  • Have meaningful friendships and nurture them often. Remember that the quality of your friendships is more important than quantity.
  • Spend more time by yourself. Take yourself out to a cafe or restaurant, read a book in your local park, or see a movie on your own. Keep doing these things until it feels natural, that you actually enjoy this time to yourself. Never feel guilty for it.
  • Treat yourself. A similar sentiment to above, this is more to do with self-care. Things like having a relaxing bath, buying tea or healthy foods you enjoy, having a massage, doing yoga or something relaxing, taking lessons in something you've always wanted to learn, or eating something indulgent that you may generally eat less of
  • Listen to your body. If you're tired, have a rest. If you feel pent-up, anxious energy, go for a walk or jog. Feeling overwhelmed? Sit somewhere quiet and be with your thoughts. I understand there are many factors that can get in the way of this, but try to make the time, even if it's only for five minutes.
  • Learn your likes and dislikes. I know this may seem silly. As an adult, you would think you know what you do or don't like by now. Or similarly, what you agree or disagree with. But alas, sometimes I have gone along with an opinion because that's what a friend or someone close to me felt strongly about, but then later in life, I have realised "Hang on, I actually don't believe that." The same goes for something as simple as not buying a grocery item that you like simply because your partner doesn't. Just buy it and enjoy it! You are you, and they are them.
  • Do more of the things you enjoy. I'm a very creative person, so I try to keep up these hobbies as much as I can. When I start to feel like I'm losing myself, I do something creative and start to feel more like my own person again.
  • Feel your emotions and feelings—don't censor them. A lot of my suggestions may seem like I'm telling you to censor yourself. This isn't true at all; it's more so about recognising your feelings and dealing with them in a healthy way. I find that the more I allow myself to simply feel something and give it time to pass, I end up being more level-headed in the end. Enjoy laughing, appreciate the slowness of feeling down knowing that you will feel "up" again. Sit with anger, but don't allow it to take over. You don't have to act on a feeling, even when it feels immediate. Forcing a "bad" feeling to go away will only make it feel more intense, so let it be, and it will eventually pass like waves on a beach.
  • Be your own cheerleader. I don't miss the nights I used to spend wallowing in self-pity, crying for hours on end about what a horrible person I am and thinking over and over about what I had messed up recently. Thankfully, this hasn't happened for a long time because I have become much more gentle with myself. If I slip up, I may feel frustrated at first, but I don't allow myself to spiral into darkness. I just think "Oh well, I will do it differently next time." It's also important to feel pride in the things you achieve. You couldn't have done it without you after all!
  • Learn to meditate or simply sit quietly. I have been making an effort to sit by a window in my house and just watch the outside scenery. I try not to think about anything in particular since it's about just observing and being. I very much enjoy this practice.
  • Know that you are all you need. It's a beautiful thing to be in love, to yearn for someone and be longed for in return, to finish each other's sentences (or sandwiches). But to experience true fulfillment in your life, it must come from within. That little gap inside, that wavering feeling of loss, doesn't need to be filled by someone else. It's been waiting for you all along.

"Find ecstasy within yourself. It is not out there. It is in your innermost flowering. The one you are looking for is you."

— Osho

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


Dylan R from San Francisco on December 09, 2019:

It seems like many women who deny that they are effected by hormones, are dismissive of what a portion of your gender puts a man through every month.

M on October 30, 2019:

Thank you so much for this, it was all the words I never knew I needed to hear so badly until now. I thought I was alone, coming up with my own ways to deal with these recurring feelings. Especially Lesson 6. It is so difficult to find the balance between which thoughts are actually rational and valid, and which are simply stemming from PMDD and the given moment. I have been journaling and its made all the difference. I truly appreciate you making this article & providing reassurance to so many of us out there.

Struggling on July 18, 2019:

you make it sounds so easy. When my wife and I first got together she had symptoms of this but I hadn't heard of it at all and always viewed her as having a Jekyll & Hyde personality (it makes me feel better that as i read people challenges with this they use the same term). We didn't get together in the best way but she is the most amazing person and I can't imagine not having her in my life. Sadly her symptoms have been increasing everytime and for a while she realised it was an issue, talked to a doc, got on birth control, discussed (briefly) having a hysterctomy (we have a daughter together, and three in total). When she was taking that life was so much better, then monthly fights and accusations were so much less and we just got to live our lives. After a year or so she decided that the birth control was not helping her any, despite my disagreement, and stopped taking them. Ever since, every month gets worse and worse and not only do I feel helpless to stop her but I am always the brunt of her rage. I'm not the greatest guy in the world but i love her dearly and every month I get accused of cheating, threats of divorce and worse. I don't see friends (most of them are now gone), I don't participate in work functions, because if she can't have her eyes on me I'm busy having an affair. If i drive a different route I get grilled about it. The paranoia is out of control and as terrible as it sounds, I would love to be living with a woman who has many of the challenges i've read about because then I might be able to help her, everything now is focused on me. Nothing I do is the right thing, i'm always lying, hiding something, making her crazy. I hate to admit it but I feel that we are almost to a breaking point. If she doesn't leave me because of one of her rages I think I may have to just for my own sanity. Although the thought of trying to share custody with someone in that unfortunate state of mind is terrifying as well, and I just want us to be happy together. She's my favourite person in the world and hates me 2-3 weeks every month.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on August 12, 2018:

Hi Pete,

Sounds like you had a tough time! I guess it's the kind of thing you can't completely understand unless you've experienced it yourself.

With some women, controlling the "skewed reality" phase can be like strengthening a muscle; becomes easier and stronger with time.

But other women it can be more difficult because everyone is different and hormonal imbalances are an inherently difficult thing. Hence the word "dysphoric"'s a mental health condition and not always something one can completely control. Perhaps this was your ex's case? It feels 100% real at the time, that's the frightening part for both parties.

Anyway, I hope the whole experience ignited some personal growth, we all meet people for different reasons (though it can be difficult/sad).

Pete on July 27, 2018:

Hello. Nice write up!

Ex partner of a PMDD sufferer here.

I bet you could expand on lesson 6 though. I feel having a skewed reality is where all of 'the meat' of the problems arise.

All our problems definitely appeared out of thin air and ultimately led to our relationships demise.

What my question is though, if you know its there, you know when it's coming, you know what terrible things happen when it's here and your are armed with countless experiences and gained knowledge from articles like this, then why does it seem like its always the first experience of the PMDD demon coming out.

It comes off like PMDD is being embraced and used as a weapon to attack the partner for 2+ weeks out of the month?

Surely one would be wiser and ready from past experiences ?

Does it have an effect on memory?

Say we had the technology to know exactly what time of day the 'PMDD episode' was about to hit. I sat there with my partner with a watch and we were ready to not let the PMDD take over (not react to anything harshly or start fights), when that second hits I can see my partner looking at me and saying. "This is stupid! Do you think i'm crazy? sitting there with a watch all high and mighty. It's abusive and and im sick of you always staring at me look i'm nuts. stick that watch where the sun don't shin...." etc

That's the part I don't understand. Where does the recollection of the fact that you have PMDD go?

Sorry you all have to go through this (men included), I really feel for you all.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on June 28, 2018:

It's my pleasure sweetie x

Carrie B on June 12, 2018:

I appreciate this article so much, you don’t even know how helpful it has been tonight.

Anonymous on May 14, 2018:

I found this article on a Google search and am so grateful. Every single point you make connects back to something I’ve felt and has given me a good perspective on how I should look at these situations. The other thing that I’m learning helps my PMDD is having a partner that doesn’t constantly coddle you, or take the constant pity on me that I do on myself. It’s nice for someone to empathize from time to time, but it’s more important to have someone that encourages me to take the steps necessary to feel better. I’ve dealt with PMDD for roughly fifteen years, but it’s only been in the last year to two years that I’ve been figuring out how to truly live my life with it. This article helped me a lot and it brought me a lot of comfort. Thank you so much!

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 11, 2018:

Aw thanks so much, really glad it's helped you. You aren't alone, I know a couple of women with bipolar and PMDD xx

schoolgirlforreal on February 28, 2018:

What an amazing excellent helpful article! Such great points! Printed it and will read the rest later. Read the first 2 pages. Thank you. I have this and I never understood it completely. It makes so much sense how I think sometimes people's bad moods are about me, like everything is about me, I'll comment again when I finish reading this.

I have bipolar and pmdd. I don't know anyone who said they have both, I'm not even diagnosed pmdd, but I get really bad periods! So I know I do. But depakote definitely helps with the pmdd!

Hillary Burton from UK on September 16, 2017:

Hi interesting.

Look I get dysphoric but it's gender dysphoria. And/

but I feel your pain. Good luck and good hub.

Kathleen Johnson on April 15, 2017:

THANK YOU!!!!! I have been struggling recently wondering what is wrong with me? This article has brought it to light. Is violence associated with PMDD in your experience?

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 15, 2017:

You make a good point and this inspired me to edit the current hub and write a new hub altogether:

"Lastly, this advice is intended for people who are in a healthy and supportive relationship. This means mutual respect and a general feeling of stability and shared happiness. These tips aren't intended to make women feel like they ought to tip toe around a potentially unhealthy or unsuitable partner. If this sounds like you, head over to this article I wrote recently: "

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

Haha Jaxafrass, I hope those feelings have softened....I used to have pretty strong rage! But awareness has helped greatly.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

You're welcome anon, we all do these things and I hope you've gotten some of your power back :)

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

Haha oh Charlotte, the little things we do to try to please others....we don't realise how much we do it! How are you finding it since being more aware of it?

I don't take any medication for my PMDD, but you can read my article on how I've dealt with it "naturally" :)

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

Oh my gosh I can totally relate to this! Haha and yes, I need to re-read my own advice at times ;)

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

It's my pleasure....anything to make a positive difference! Take care dear Ann.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

You're so very welcome Bran!

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 12, 2017:

Hello there Natalie, it makes me feel so so glad that my article has helped you feel not alone in all of this. That's one big thing which hits us hard is that feeling of isolation. Also....I need to take my own advice sometimes and re-read this article haha, we all lose our way like you said practice makes perfect :)

Natalie on February 15, 2017:

I've read a lot of personal accounts and advice from PMDD sufferers, and although all of them have spoken to me, this article truly makes me feel like I'm not alone in this. I'm currently settling down from a terrible episode with my boyfriend, in which I too felt him become "distant" and started to question if he even loves me - the way in which the thoughts and emotions spiral out of control is really quite startling.

Practice makes perfect. I know this article will be of great help to me every single month and I can't thank you enough.


Bran on September 10, 2016:

Thank you for this post... it made everything I'm going through make sence

Ann on April 21, 2016:

Thank you so much for taking the time to write the PMDD articles. I really, really needed to read them. I am in such a dark hole but you have shined some light in here. Bless you.

Terri on August 01, 2015:

I find myself reading this over again every month when the worst days hit. It's a reminder to me that these feelings will pass and that my perception of reality is very skewed at that moment. I feel it the most in my relationship. We could have spent the entire week together and then one day of what I perceive as him becoming distant (during pmdd times) and I'm contemplating if he even wants to be in this relationship.

Thank you for your transparency and for writing this article. It truly helps me get through the worst pmdd days.

Charlotte on June 21, 2015:

I actually smiled when reading this on two accounts...first, i totally don't buy things in our weekly shop that I like but he doesn't. Second, i have always felt that I needed to just say yes if he suggested a film that I didnt like the sound of. Until now! I am seeing a counsellow and basically trying to remember all 10 of your lessons on a daily basis. Hard work isn't it?!

I loved reading this. I am wondering what sort of treatment you have for your pmdd? Do you take any medication?

Charlotte. X

anonymous on December 30, 2014:

It feels so good to know that there are other people with the exact same painful problems. I always worry that I will ruin my relationship because for 1-2 weeks, I am a completely different person. I get jealous over silly things (though, luckily, I do not act upon my feelings), I question my worth in my relationship and outside of it, I feel extremely low, and I snap like nobody's business when I feel like my significant other isn't giving my the comfort I "need." Thank you so much for writing something so useful and relateable! Much love.

Jaxafrass on December 07, 2014:

I feel like choking someone two weeks out of the month! Good strategies here.

Hi on November 07, 2014:

Helpful? I don't think so!

this article is ALL about how you can make your spouse feel better when they've had a long day. That is nothing at all like having PMDD. This is far more serious. It's like telling a pregnant woman to control herself and understand what her husband may be going through.

What I wouldn't give to be this man and simply have a friggin long day versus PMDD.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on October 24, 2014:

You're welcome Tara :) and yes they will ALWAYS pass!

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on October 24, 2014:

It's not easy huh? I hope you can find love for yourself and then with someone else when the time is right :)

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on October 24, 2014:

So glad it provided some comfort for you :)

Tara on October 06, 2014:

Thank you so much for all of your words. I left work hours early today because my PMDD and crazy thoughts were so overwhelming. I went to get food and searched the internet for answers, and found your articles. It was just what I needed, and so comforting to be reminded that the crazy thoughts I'm having are completely skewed and will pass soon enough! Thank you!

tiffanie on August 24, 2014:

As with the other ladies, everything you write is how I feel when in the throws of pmdd. It has affected my life since I was about 19 yrs old, I am about to turn 37. I'm single, but keep sabotaging relationships because of the false emotions that occur sometimes when it's really bad. Thank you for sharing with us.

sarah on August 17, 2014:

Thank you so much for writing this. I was crying as I was reading. I have dealt with every single thing you wrote about, it was as if you were writing about me. I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on June 07, 2014:

Gah, sorry you experience that every month. It's like, you know it's happening and that it's hormonal but is still hard to get a grip of. Have you read my other article about ways for treating PMDD? It might help you to take steps and feel more in control.

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on June 07, 2014:

Oh you're totally not alone :) It's kind of funny how common our feelings and experiences are, which is a good feeling to realise.

LisaRee from Saucier, Mississippi on May 03, 2014:

I've been reading for almost an hour now and everything you mentioned is who I am for about a week before my cycle. I will turn 44 in 3 days and for almost two years now I have experienced a week of being someone else. I'm a hateful, jealous (he says), judging, foul mouth, controlling bitch. I spout out the most hateful, hurtful things to anyone who makes me angry or causes me stress. It has started to affect my work almost as bad as my home life. My way of thinking during these times is, if I get rid of those in my house who cause these feelings I will be so much better off. (A 41 y/o BF and a 21 year old, which neither hold a jo). I'm almost ranting...this who I am for a week. My emotions are out of control, I cry and take everything so personal and feel almost hopeless. I'm lost

Gem Robertson on April 30, 2014:

I love this blog and the previous one I read explaining PMDD. I am only at 'lesson 5' and you have already totally nailed me - in a good way! - I am guilty of assuming that my OH should always be there for me and when he isn't he isn't being a good partner. This has caused HUUGE problems in the past and we are currently in a stand-off due to a huge outburst on my behalf earlier *feeling ashamed right about now*. I really agree with what you're saying and feel very reflective. I will definitely be apolosing later if I get the chance. I can't wait to read more, and, I thank you for sharing :)

JRG on April 23, 2014:

Wow! You describe and wrote EVERYTHING that goes on in my head! I too am working on getting a hold of my mind during the low times. Exercise DOES help. Great articles. Thank you for making me finally realize I'm NOT alone!

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on March 18, 2014:

Aw, thank you!

S on March 06, 2014:

Both of your PMDD articles are excellent!

Violet Redfield (author) from Australia on February 21, 2014:

I'm so glad you're learning more about yourself! The more you know about yourself, the easier life becomes.

April Garner from Austin, Texas on February 18, 2014:

I love your point about knowing yourself - what you enjoy, likes and dislikes. You're right - it sounds very elementary, but I am well into my thirties and am just now discovering a lot of pieces of my own personality. I've recently been dealing with PMDD myself, and I appreciate knowing there are others out there who know what it's like.

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