Attention Men: Your Girlfriend is Not Your Mom
Attention Women: Stop Settling for a Man who Can't Take Care of Himself
I have come to the conclusion that men do not want a loving committed partnership in which both parties equally contribute to the relationship. They want a girlfriend who will take care of them. They want a replacement mommy.
I have been in a few live-in relationships. The common theme of why it didn't work was always that my boyfriend didn't feel that he needed to contribute to the household. Sometimes I think that they didn't even know that there was a need to contribute to the household, which to me is just mind boggling.
My first live in boyfriend didn't understand the concept of a hamper. Whenever he took a shower, he would spread his dirty clothes and towel all over the floor. I tried to work around it. I placed a hamper right outside of the bathroom door (where the majority of the clothes ended up) and I explained it to him nicely ("hey honey, I put a hamper outside the bathroom door so you can just put your dirty clothes there" "Ok, cool, thanks!") Guess what happened. That's right, I found dirty clothes and towels on the floor surrounding the hamper. Every day.
My second live in boyfriend was even worse. He didn't work, he went to online school. I had a full time job, and I had to work overtime just to make ends meet. He didn't understand that the bathroom needed to be cleaned on a weekly basis. He would make a frozen pizza, then brag about how he "cooked dinner" for the next three days, and refuse to cook again. He didn't understand that laundry needed to be washed, or that the dishes needed to be done. He also didn't understand that you shouldn't leave clean laundry sitting in a basket on the floor for 4 days; especially when you have a cat! So when I got home from work, I would have to do all the chores, all while listening to him complain about how hard his online classes were, and how he was so incredibly busy with his school work.
My problem (and I'm pretty sure most women's problem) is that I allowed this all to happen. Yes, we had petty fights about it, but in the long run, I didn't do much about it. I fell into the old trap of getting into an argument, having him promise to do better, but nothing ever really changing. Repeat every 2 months or so. He knew the game too. I was an enabler.
Is the root problem with men? Why don't men understand that dishes need to be washed? Why don't men understand that clothes need to be washed? Why don't men understand that bathrooms need to be cleaned, dinner needs to be cooked, and laundry needs to be put away? Do they think that these things just magically happen?
Or are women to blame because we allow it? We don't follow through on our threats to end the relationship. We don't just wash our own clothes. We don't just cook for ourselves. We clean the bathroom because we are disgusted if it gets dirty (we would surely lose that battle of wills).
Both genders are to blame. Men need to step up and learn how to take care of themselves. We aren't your mothers. Women need to stop mothering their boyfriends. We need to stop settling for a man who won't clean up after himself.
If all women stopped playing mommy to their boyfriends, I bet men would start understanding what a hamper is pretty quickly.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.