Crystal is a Christian, Wife, Mother, Novelist, and former Behavior Specialist with an education in History and Religious Studies.
Definition Of Abuse
Living With Abuse Hurts Everyone
There’s a phrase I absolutely cannot stand;
"If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best!"
You’ve probably seen it on Facebook or Instagram in the form of a meme, usually intended as a show of personal strength. But what does it really say?
For many people it simply is a way to take a stand against being treated badly, or as a desire to be appreciated, and I get that. Unfortunately, it’s usually said by the people who behave badly, and expect everyone to just put up with their nasty attitudes, and audacious behavior.
The interesting side to this is the fact that those same proclaimers of independence, are very often the same ones who will not put up with even the slightest mistakes from others. This is both self-serving and unfair. How can one expect perfection from another, if one is unwilling to meet the bar they set so high? This kind of anti-social behavior goes hand in hand with the inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for ones own actions.
You know that expression, “There’s two sides to every story” right? Well there are a lot of people in this world who go around acting like total butt-heads, and blaming others for it. They don’t take responsibility for their hurtful words or actions, and blame arguments or physical altercations on those around them, while simultaneously playing the role of the victim, or feigning ignorance to the entire situation. It can be anything from mildly passive-aggressive, to pathological, sociopathic, or even psychopathic.
No matter the degree, it is always undesirable for all involved parties, including the person engaging in the behavior. Someone always gets hurt in some way, be it emotional, mental, physical, etc.
Naturally, not all situations can be chalked up to actual social or behavioral disorders. Let’s face it, some people are just jerks, or so self-absorbed they don’t see what they are doing, and honestly believe they didn’t do anything wrong. Interestingly I have either been acquainted with or worked with all of these personalities at some point in my life, and they will all cause you a great deal of pain no matter the reason for it.
So what do you do about it? Well that depends on the level at which these personalities are functioning, or not functioning, as the case may be.
Being in a toxic relationship, no matter who it’s with, is unhealthy, and something should be done to correct it in what will hopefully be a positive way which is beneficial to all parties involved. Sometimes that isn't possible, so alternative routes must be taken. The way I see it is, you have a couple choices;
• You can live with it – not advisable, due to potential danger.
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• Get counseling – preferable if the parties involved are not in danger.
• Chose to leave for your own safety or the safety of others – especially when children are involved.
•Talk to someone who can point you in the right direction to get help for your personal situation.
My point is… everyone should feel safe, be treated well, and NOT be abused by anyone for any reason. If you are being abused, please seek help.
If you are an abuser, seek help. Find out why you do what you do, and learn how to stop it, because when you love someone, the last thing you really want to do is harm them. It is possible to change, and it is possible to heal your broken relationships, but you have to want to, and you have to work at it. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.
There is a catch though; if the person or people you've been abusing leave and do not want to fix the relationships, you must let them go. Attempting to force someone to stay with you when they don't want to is not love, it is possession or to put it simply - slavery. No person should be another person's property, and to force them to stay simply because you want them to is just another form of abuse. And really - why would you want to be with someone who wan't nothing to do with you anyway?
Whether you are an abuser or being abused, you CAN and SHOULD get help. One resource for both is here at the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) En Espanol. Online chat at http://www.thehotline.org
Everyone deserves you at your best, and no one should be expected to handle you at your worst. Fortunately help is available, but you have to take the first step.
*No affiliation to any organization named or unnamed*
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 C A Bennett